[The scene immediately cuts to a shot of Irishred standing inside of a “ring” across from Wong-Pei. The word ring is used loosely because we’re not quite sure exactly what the structure is made of. It seems to be that of a cinderblock base with a simple sheet of plywood covering the gaps. The ropes look like they would burn to touch.]

[The main attraction is the building that the ring is inside of. What would appear to be a Mongolian farmhouse, filled with approximately 100 of the town’s closest neighbors, is the home for this showing. The wind gives a heavy blow, as the building gives the feeling of Dorothy’s house in Kansas. Finally, we pick up signal between our commentators and the video.]

DT: Well folks, an EPW-first. I’m not sure if that ring is capable of containing a wrestling match, but we’re sure as hell going to find out as the referee has called for the bell!

[Irishred walks to the middle of the ring, but Wong-Pei stays on the ropes in his corner. His trainer gives a point to Irishred and Wong-Pei gives a nod back.]

DT: Okay, it looks like Wong-Pei is ready to begin wrestling.

DM: Oh my God!

MN: I’m gonna be sick.

DT: What? Did Wong-Pei just throw what I think he did at Irishred?

DM: And it landed at Red’s feet and on his wrestling boots! I don’t believe this!

DT: Irishred is pissed now! He’s chasing after Wong-Pei!

MN: But look at the little guy go! Irishred’s giving it hell, but Wong-Pei is dancing around the ring like…

DM: A monkey?

MN: Exactly!

DT: Well, Wong-Pei finally makes a stop in the middle of the ring. That’s probably not a good idea.

DM: But now the monkey boy is holding up his hands for Irishred to stop. What’s he doing?

DT: He’s extending his hand. He wants a handshake?

DM: Look out Dave!

DT: *chuckles* Wow! Wong-Pei just climbed right up Irishred’s arm and perched himself on his shoulders, only to start picking at Red’s hair!

DM: But Red slams him down to the mat!

[MASSIVE heat.]

MN: Oh come on now! He’s just a little poo-flinging monkey boy!

DT: Well, these fans here in our arena certainly didn’t like it.

MN: But the guy in the second row with the chicken… uhh, leg looks like he’s enjoying the show live. What kind of concessions do they have in Mongolia?

DT: I’m not sure, Neels. But I don’t think Irishred cares. He pulls Wong-Pei back up and locks him in a full nelson.

MN: That’s the way to incapacitate a monkey!

DM: Black Water! Irishred just nailed Wong-Pei with that full nelson slam!

DT: Irishred is going to go for a cover here…

1…

2…

DM: But look at the monkey boy! He managed to stretch out those overly long arms and grab hold of the ropes. I’m not sure if that’s a Mongolian custom, but it’s an EPW rule, and apparently, we’re following them here tonight.

DT: Irishred isn’t happy after that. He stands back up and pulls Wong-Pei with him. Irishred now gets Wong-Pei in a pump handle position.

DM: Bad Company!

DT: No! Wong Pei used his monkey skills to wiggle himself around in the air and now he’s on top of Irishred’s head again picking at his hair!

MN: Irishred must not have very good grooming skills.

DT: Irishred is reaching all over the place to try and grab hold of Wong Pei, but the monkey boy is doing an amazing job of dodging Irishred’s hands everytime they come at him!

DM: Irishred is getting very frustrated here!

DT: Red finally stops swatting now. He takes off running toward the corner.

DM: 25 or 6 to 4! Irishred just leapt right up those ropes and nailed Wong Pei with that Samoan drop off the top rope! That could be it for the monkey boy!

DT: But I don’t think Irishred is done here! He’s not going for the cover.

[Red looks directly into the camera and blows a kiss, as if to the owner of EPW.]

DT: What arrogance! I don’t believe that!

DM: I’m sure that the owner is going to have something to say about that the next time we see him.

DT: Irishred grabs Wong-Pei by the arm and now whips him HARD into the corner.

DM: And Red follows it with a big running lariat!

DT: What he going to do now? He reaches under Wong-Pei and sets him on the top rope. Red now climbing also…

DM: He calls that one the Whipping Post! HUGE piledriver from the top rope! He could have broken Wong-Pei neck there!

DT: He goes for the cover…

1…

2…

DM: What?!?! Irishred just pulled Wong-Pei up! Come on! It wasn’t his idea to have this match!

DT: Well, it looks like Irishred just wants to end this one on his own terms. He’s reaching down and grabbing Wong-Pei’s legs. He’s going to lock in the Freebird and end this one finally.

DM: Wait a second!

DT: That’s Steven Shane! What the hell is he doing in Mongolia? He’s got a match here tonight!

DM: I don’t know, but these two are going at it! Lefts and rights are flying everywhere as these two have developed an absolute hatred for each other!

DT: Shane gets the upperhand as he backs Irishred into the ropes. There’s an Irish whip…

DM: But Red nails him with a clothesline!

DT: Folks, we’ve just received word from the office of Dan Ryan that Mongolian rules firmly allow interference in their match-ups. That is why this match is still going on!

DM: And as it is, Irishred has just clotheslined Steven Shane out of the ring and over the top rope!

MN: And Irishred is leaning over those ropes, making sure that Shane knows who number one really is.

DT: But Red cannot forget about the task at hand. Wong-Pei is still in this match. Red needs to turn around.

DM: Oh no…

MN: He didn’t do it again.

DT: He did. And Irishred got an eyeful, if you know what I mean.

DM: And if you look closely enough, you can see through the… uhh, waste… and see the rage in Irishred’s eyes!

DT: And look at Wong-Pei bouncing all over the ring! Red charges him…

DM: But Wong-Pei ducks under his arms!

DT: That doesn’t slow Red, though! He quickly turns and gets in a kick to the back of the leg. There’s a reverse facelock.

DM: Was that what I think it was?

DT: I believe so, Dean. Irishred just nailed Wong-Pei with what looked like The West Side Connection! That’s Steven Shane’s move!

DM: He’s going for the pin…

1…

2…

3!!!

[Cue beer throwing and booing inside the farmhouse. Irishred then stands up, arms in the air, victorious. He spits a big loogey into the crowd.]

DT: Folks, yet another EPW-first goes down in the books.

DM: Look out! Steven Shane is back for some more! Fists are flying all over the place! That Mongolian farmhouse is rocking!

DT: And now they’ve busted through the door! We only sent one camera to this show! We can’t follow them!

DM: Folks, we’ve got a battle on the verge of exploding here!

DT: Meanwhile, what are we going to do about the number one contender’s match?

MN: Who cares about that? How’s Irishred going to get the stanch out of his face?

DT: Folks, we’ve got questions that need to be answered …….stay tuned to Aggression. We’ll be right back!