DT: What a night it has already been here on Aggression tonight, but the best is still in front of us.

DM: Absolutely right, Dave. We still have our main event, which features Troy Windham taking on Professor Tremendous, but right now, we have Joey Melton getting set to take on Chip Friendly’s replacement, Richard Farnswirth.

MN: Quite possibly the greatest match we have ever seen on Aggression.

DT: You raise an excellent point, Neels.

MN: I know I do.

DT: What I was going to say is the fact that one half of the Tag Team Champions is set to take on one half of, quite possibly, the most dominant tag team EPW has ever seen.

DM: Excellent point and this can only be a preview of things to come. Both of these guys are half of teams that could absolutely tear the roof off of the tag division here in EPW.

(CUE UP: Bonnie Tyler’s “I Need a Hero”.)

(Slight pop with a few boos mixed in as Melton steps out from behind the curtain.)

DT: Well Dean, it looks like we’re going to get things started here for that preview that you were speaking of.

MN: I can practically feel the saliva edging to the end of my lips.

(CUE UP: “Ride of the Valkyries” by Richard Wagner.)

(The lights of the arena go down as several green lasers flitter about. As Farnswirth emerges from the back, the lasers merge on the entrance ramp to draw a large dollar sign. Richard stands at the top of the ramp and looks over the crowd in disgust before heading for the ring.)

DT: Is there a man in professional wrestling that is more satisfied than this guy?

DM: I don’t believe so, Dave. But he has every reason to be that way. He’s a brilliant business man, a current tag team champion, and a multiple time world champion. This guy has really done it all.

MN: Did you say make millions of dollars and own practically everyone?

DM: I think the brilliant businessman kind of tied that up.

MN: Okay. Just making sure…

(Both men are in the ring and the ref holds them at arm’s length. He then checks with everyone on the outside before calling for the bell.)

(DING DING DING)

DT: Well, here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, buckle your seatbelts.

DM: It sure is going to be one hell of a match.

DT: The two men get a good look at each other here as they pace around the ring. Their eyes are fixated on one another. Both of them step to the middle of the ring. Nice collar and elbow tie-up there. Farnswirth uses the size advantage. He presses Melton back and into the ropes. Melton and the ref look for the clean break…

DM: But they don’t get it! Big knife-edge chop there by Farnswirth! And another! Melton’s chest instantly takes a different shade of red!

DT: Farnswirth steps right between the ref and Melton as he locks his arm and now looks for an Irish whip. Melton hits the opposite ropes…

DM: Reversal by Melton with that flying shoulder block!

DT: And now Melton takes over as he lays a few boots into Farnsy before pulling him back up to his feet. Nice right hand followed by another as Melton gains the upper hand. Melton now backs Farnswirth into the ropes…

DM: And he returns the favor with a knife-edge chop of his own! And another! And another! Listen to this crowd getting behind Joey Melton!

(WHOO!)

DT: Melton sets up Farnsy and looks for an Irish whip of his own. He heaves and Farnsy hits the ropes. There’s the rebound…

DM: Nice drop toe hold there by Melton! He quickly floats over…

DT: And locks in a textbook hammerlock! Farnswirth screams out in pain as he looks to find the ropes.

MN: Things aren’t looking too good for Mr. Millionaire here. Those ropes are miles away if that’s how he plans on getting out of this one.

DM: Excellent analysis, Neels. There is no way that Farnsy is going to get to those ropes, so he’s going to have to find an alternative.

DT: Looks like he’s going to take your advice, Dean, as Farnswirth is trying to work his way up to his feet. He’s to his knees now as he tries to plant that foot into the canvas.

DM: And he does! He pushes up and he’s now to a vertical base. He’s in excellent position now.

DT: And there’s a back elbow! And another! Melton relinquishes the hold. Farnswirth turns around and now connects on a right hand. And another! Farnswirth trying to regain the momentum here…

DM: There’s a front facelock… and a vertical suplex by Farnswirth! He quickly floats over for a cover…

1…

2…

Kickout by Melton!

DT: Nice exchange there by Farnswirth as he appears to have regained the advantage here. He stands back up and now pulls Melton up with him. Big European uppercut there. And another that sends Melton reeling into the corner.

DM: And yet another huge knife-edge chop by Farnswirth! And another! And one more for good measure!

DT: If he’s not careful, the ref could very well disqualify him here.

MN: I believe that Farnswirth knows the extent of the rules. He has to a count of five, and I’m sure that he knows there’s enough time between four and five to stop what he’s doing.

DT: Well, he’s taking every bit of that time between four and five and I’m not too sure about whether or not he’s going to fail to stop one time.

MN: I believe that by simply looking at Richard’s bank account that you could tell that he is more than capable of counting, especially from four to five.

DT: Regardless, Farnswirth is staying on the offensive here as he gives Melton a hip toss to the middle of the ring. The wait on more offense isn’t long as he goes right towards the fallen Melton. He now locks him in a rear chinlock.

DM: And this move is just going to wear down on Melton and really soften that neck up for quite possibly a Million Dollar Dream later down the line.

DT: Absolutely right there, Dean, as Farnsy is really cranking on that neck as Melton looks to try and find the ropes.

MN: But due to Farnswirth being the ring general that he is, Melton has nowhere to go. This guy never ceases to amaze me.

DT: Excellent point, Neels. Melton has really no hope here. He’s reaching and reaching, but he’s going to have to find an alternative method here.

DM: Well, it looks like he’s trying to swing those arms and get enough momentum to pull himself back up to his feet and possibly do the same thing that Farnswirth did to him earlier.

DT: And it seems to be working as Melton is up to a knee. He gets to a vertical base and swings the elbow…

DM: But Farnswirth sidestepped it! And now drives a knee into Melton’s midsection! Melton doubles over and Farnswirth sends him back down to the mat with a double axe handle right across the back!

DT: Farnswirth certainly knows what he’s doing in there, and he’s really keeping Melton on his toes here in this match. Farnswirth pulls Melton back up to his feet and backs him into the ropes with a few more knife-edge chops.

MN: Melton is going to give new meaning to hamburger meat on the chest.

DT: Those chops will pull your skin apart, that’s for sure, Neels. Farnswirth looks to inflict even more damage now as he whips Melton across the ring. Melton rebounds…

DM: Huge powerslam by Farnswirth! He holds for a pin…

1…

2…

Kickout by Melton!

DT: And you can sense some frustration as Farnswirth slaps the mat. He gives the referee a piece of his mind, but even he knows that there are bigger matters at hand.

DM: You’re not going to find someone much smarter than Farnswirth, inside that ring or out, and he’s showing us that right now.

DT: Farnswirth is perched in the corner now. He’s sitting there like a vulcher, just waiting on his prey. What could he be looking for?

MN: I think it’s going to be the beginning of the end for Mr. Melton.

DT: Well, Melton is back to his feet…

DM: Million Dollar Dream!

DT: Melton is stuck here! What’s he going to do?

DM: Look out! Melton had that moved scouted and he just took off and sent Farnswirth face-first into the turnbuckle!

MN: But he took a blow on the second turnbuckle himself!

DT: Indeed he did. Both men are down here and the ref must administer his ten count…

1…

2…

3…

4…

5…

DM: Both men are beginning to stir here. You have to think that whoever gets to their feet first could very well walk out of this match with a win in their pocket!

6…

7…

8…

DT: Melton is up! He charges at Farnswirth, who looks for a double axe handle again…

DM: But Melton catches him with a kick to the midsection! Farnswirth doubles over…

DT: Big bulldog by Melton!

DM: But now Melton must stay on top of things. He’s taking a minute to catch his breath, but it better not take him too long…

DT: Well, he’s back up, but let’s see what he can do from here. He lays a few boots into Farnswirth as Farnswirth slowly makes his way to his feet. There’s a right by Melton. And another! Farnswirth swings a right of his own…

DM: But Melton ducks! Kick to the midsection… DDT!

DT: Melton goes for the pin…

1…

2…

Kickout by Farnswirth!

DM: Melton is really tearing into Farnswirth now! He’s got him reeling!

DT: Melton is pulling Farnsy back up now. He scoops him up…

DM: Big backbreaker by Melton!

MN: Come on Farnswirth! Outsmart this moron!

DT: Well, it’s hard to do when someone refuses to let up on you, much like Melton is doing here as he pulls Farnswirth back up one more time. There’s a front face lock…

DM: Slingshot suplex! That can only mean one thing, Dave!

DT: Melton is up and these fans are loving it! He makes his way to Farnswirth’s legs…

DM: Figure four leglock! Farnswirth is beside himself as Melton locks in that hold, cranking down on the knee of the tag team champion!

DT: Farnswirth is in extreme agony here! If he’s not careful, he could very well get counted to the mat as he slowly… let’s his shoulders hit the mat!

1…

2…

But he’s back up!

DM: There is nowhere for Farnswirth to go. He’s near the ropes, but not near enough! Melton has perfect position here!

DT: Farnswirth continues to reach, but he’s also letting his shoulders fall in the process!

1…

2…

Back up!

DM: He can’t get to those ropes, Dave.

DT: Well, he’s certainly going to have to do something soon or- What the hell?!?!

MN: It’s Fikes! He’s coming to the rescue!

DT: But the ref spots him! He’s warning him about entering the ring!

MN: But look at Fikes! He had no intentions of doing such a thing! He just wants to be in his boss’s corner.

DT: Yeah, I’m sure.

DM: Well, Fikes is certainly not entering the ring here.

DT: But he’s pushing the damn ropes! The ref had his back turned and Fikes pushed the ropes so that Farnswirth could reach them! Dammit!

DM: But the ref didn’t see any of it! Melton is going to have to release the figure four.

DT: Well, he does, but now he’s making his way over to Fikes! Melton is leaning over the ropes yelling at Fikes!

MN: But Fikes isn’t going to stand for that! He’s up on the apron telling Melton what he thinks!

DT: Things could explode here at any minute! The ref is trying to hold these two apart!

DM: But he can’t! Melton grabs Fikes by the shoulders…

DT: Low blow! Farnswirth just caught Melton from behind with the low blow!

DM: Back suplex by Farnswirth! Melton is down! Farnswirth is down!

DT: It’s a race again, but Farnswirth already has the upper hand there. He’s back up and slowly stumbles into the corner. He’s really favoring that knee though.

DM: Melton better watch out. He’s giving Farnswirth way too much time to calculate here.

DT: Well, Melton is back up…

DM: Market Crash- NO! Farnswirth’s knee gave out!

DT: Melton hops over him.

DM: Sunset flip!

DT: But Farnswirth rolls through it! He’s got Melton rolled up and now Fikes grabs his hands for extra leverage!

1…

2…

3!!!

(DING DING DING)

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner… Richard Farnswirth!

DT: Dammit! I don’t believe what I just saw! Farnswirth cheated his way to another damn win!

MN: Do you have to call it cheating?

DT: What would you prefer?

MN: I believe outsmarting is what we’ve been saying all night.

DT: Well, he outsmarted Melton by taking advantage of the ref not seeing him breaking the rules, which is also called cheating.

MN: Stop being sour, Thomas.

DM: Folks, we’re going to take a break. Don’t go anywhere!