[Suddenly, a body is tossed through the curtain onto the stage, and begins a slow roll down the ramp, clearly attempting to escape.]
Epilogue:
DT: Well, our main event tonight was issued by special order of owner Dan Ryan, with his newly regained control over Empire Pro. Lately, he’s been butting heads with the former World Champion Beast… and now he puts him up against two of his top talents in JA and Kin Hiroshi!
DM: And, as announced earlier, Hiroshi and JA will be COMPETING next week for the number one contendership! How is their alliance going to last?
MN: On sprinkled-covered muffins laced with smack, if the Muffin Man had any brains in him…
[“Figure You Out” by Nickelback plays, and the audience CHEERS with excitement as spotlights fall on the entry-way!]
TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following handicap contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first… from Winnipeg, Manitoba… weighing in at 287 pounds… he is the FORMER A1E World Champion… HERE IS…. BEEEEEAAAAAASSSSTTTT!!!
[Beast proudly steps onto the stage to a SWELL of cheers from adoring fans! Looking pumped and ready for action, he strides down the ramp to the ring.]
MN: Oh, my, GAWD… NICKELBACK!! I hate this band… it just REEKS of Canadianess…
DT: Regardless, the fans are giving this former champ a warm welcome to the ring, even though he most likely faces CERTAIN DOOM against TWO opponents!
DM: Who knows… depending on how well Hiroshi and JA work together, Beast may just have an outside chance at overcoming the odds Dan Ryan has set before him.
[Beast rolls into the ring and climbs a turnbuckle, briefly posing for the fans. “My Immortal” by Adema hits the PA, and the crowd POPS LOUDLY as the lights slowly flicker to black.]
TF: And the opponent… hailing from Tokyo, Japan, and weighing in at 245 pounds… he is the MUFFIN MAN… KIIIIINN HIIIIRRROOOOSSSHHIIIIII!!!
[The lights come up on the stage as a waterfall pyro rains from the entry-way. Kin Hiroshi emerges and POSES, drawing a massive pop! With regal grace, he makes his way to the ring. He climbs up to the apron and poses for the fans again.]
DT: Hiroshi came up short-handed at Russian Roulette, thanks to Stalker’s interference… but he may have a second chance at the limelight when he meets JA at the next Aggression.
DM: For now, though, he finds himself doing Dan Ryan’s dirty work.
MN: I already got five bucks saying that this guy blows his second shot at being number one contender because he was too stupid to check over his shoulder for Stalker…
[“Eat the Rich” by Fozzy hits the PA. The audience POPS as the lights go black and a silhouette appears in the entry-way.]
TF: And his partner… hailing from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania… weighing in at 219 pounds… he is the NUMBER ONE CONTENDER for the EPW World Title… HE IS… JAAAAAYYY AAAAAYYYYYYEEEEE!!!!
[HUGE pop as pyros explode on the stage and JA bounds onto the rampway! Confidently, he makes his way to the ring!]
DT: Here comes the man who came out of Russian Roulette victorious, and now he eagerly awaits a match against Sean Stevens at Black Dawn.
MN: That’s provided he doesn’t get BEAT on the next Aggression…
DM: I wonder what he thinks about having to put his contendership up for stake. And I REALLY wonder what he thinks considering that the man he has to defend it against is his PARTNER in this handicap match!
[The audience POPS enormously as JA hesitates at the bottom of the ramp, looking to the apron where Kin Hiroshi stands defensively staring back at him.]
DT: Very tense moment in the ring right now as the two future opponents come face to face.
DM: Some might argue that JA only came out of Russian Roulette as the Number One Contender thanks to the efforts of Stalker. I, for one, think the man would have STILL won that match if it weren’t for OTHER factors…
DT: You have GOT to wonder what is going through JA’s mind right now as he teams himself with a man who threatens his place in line to the title.
DM: Well, I doubt he’s pleased…
[JA goes around the corner of the ring and climbs the far corner, posing briefly for the fans before descending to the apron and coming to his corner. Both men say nothing to each other but never break eye contact… and without even a word of discussion, JA steps into the ring.]
MN: Is this match tag rules?
DM: On paper? Not sure… but I think JA just decided the stipulations for us.
[The bell rings.]
DT: And the BEAST pounces forward! He takes JA into a rear waist-lock and yanks him to the center of the ring… there’s the TAKEDOWN, and Beast crosses over to the front! Lifts him up with the front-facelock… and goes for a GUILLOTINE CHOKE HOLD!
DM: And he BLOCKS it! JA sank the leg in there before Beast could get the leg-scissor in place… and JA COUNTERS with an overhead slam!
DT: That looked dangerous…
MN: That was the same move that Danny Bonaduce used on Johnny Fairplay to knock out his front teeth.
DT: JA trying to shake off the effects of that choke-hold… and Beast recovers with a ROLL-UP from behind!
One! TWO! And JA kicks out of a near fall! Both men on their feet… and Beast puts JA down the ARMDRAG and locks in an armbar to keep him in place!
DM: Beast’s speed and endurance in the ring is quite a noticeable. Naturally, we can’t forget that he himself was once a former champion…
MN: Ancient history, my friend.
DT: And now he’s up against the man who may very well be poised at the championship… an interesting clash of past and future between old rivals.
DM: JA working himself around to relieve some of the tension on his shoulder… he makes it to his feet… and Beast just DROPS to his back and drags him down with him by the arm! Beast, using his legs to trap the free arm, and there’s the CRUCIFIX!! Rolls him up for another PIN!!
DT: ONE!
TWO!
And Kin Hiroshi runs in to make the save!
DM: It looked like a pointless act, as JA managed to kick out at the last second… and he throws Hiroshi a threatening look for his troubles!
DT: To be fair, he was just trying to help him.
MN: He oughta worry more about himself…
DT: Beast and JA back on their feet… and there’s the lock-up! JA takes the arm and wraps it into a hammerlock… and Beast MUSCLES out of it, and reverses with a hard Arm Wrench that flips JA to the mat! Beast slaps on the side headlock to keep him on the ground…
DM: Man, it’s just been non-stop technical wrestling between these two in the opening minutes of this match. Old-school Greco-Roman at its finest…
MN: Yeah, that stuff gets you off, don’t it? We know how those crazy Greeks were…
DT: You know, I’m a quarter Greek…
MN: Oh, wow! Imagine that… you guys should hook up, or something!
DM: Piss off, Mike!
DT: I should kick your ass after this match. Speaking off… Beast keeping that headlock held in tight… and now these fans are getting behind the Anglo Luchador as he works his way to his feet! JA up at last… goes with the ELBOW to the gut of Beast to break the hold! JA runs into the ropes… and there’s the CROSS-BODY BLOCK—
DM: OH DAMN!! Beast just REVERSES IT into a Powerslam!!
DT: Beast has been holding himself well thus far in this match… beating JA in the technical game, and now whipping out his brute force!
MN: Oh crap… he’s “whipping it out” for Dave now. Heaven help us.
DM: Beast bringing JA to his feet again… bends him over and hooks around the waist, looking for a POWERBOMB—and JA WITH THE HURRICANRANA reverses the move! That’s the risk you run going for the heavy-hitting moves, and a man like JA, who typically finds himself overpowered in most match-ups, knows that fact all too well…
DT: Beast working his way to his feet… and JA meets him with a standing dropkick! Beast on his feet again… and JA flips him onto his back with an armdrag! Beast, again, on his feet, this time with a little trouble… and JA pushes him off the ropes! Beast returns… and JA DROPS HIM with the Spinning Heel Kick on the return!
MN: Looks like the inevitable is starting to happen!
DT: You may be right, Mike… JA makes the tag to Kin Hiroshi, and a fresh man enters the ring! This is where the handicap element begins to take its toll on Beast. The less he controls this match, the stronger his opponents will work as a team.
DM: Hiroshi sizes up Beast as he rises off the mat… and a STIFF KICK TO THE HEAD as he gets to his knees puts Beast back on the mat!
DT: Nearly knocked the SWEAT clean off his face! But what’s this… Hiroshi takes him by the arm, and goes for the LA MANHISTROL CRADLE!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!! Beast kicks out!
DM: Hiroshi has to keep up the pressure… he brings Beast back to his feet… and there’s the NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!! Bridges for the PIN!!
DT: ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE—NO, Beast manages to kick out…
MN: The Muffin Man can’t keep the Beast pinned down.
DT: Meanwhile, JA recovering his strength and stamina on the outside… Hiroshi trying to continue the punishment, and possibly put this match away, as he brings Beast to his feet, and there’s the whip to the ropes—but Beast REVERSES!!
DM: Hiroshi off the ropes… spun into a BACKBREAKER from Beast!!
MN: Is Hiroshi REALLY gonna blow this?!
DT: Don’t talk too quickly, Mike… Beast may be looking for a comeback, but the number done on him by JA and Hiroshi through this match may continue to be a hindrance as this fight continues.
DM: Beast forcing Hiroshi to his feet… locks in the Full Nelson from behind, and there’s the DRAGON SUPLEX!! Hiroshi’s in a bad position now… he needs to make the tag to his partner.
MN: Hey, JA ain’t his “partner” by any means.
DT: Beast doing everything he can to wear one of his opponents down, keeping Hiroshi from making the tag by whipping him into the ropes… Hiroshi deftly LEAP FROGS over a Back Body Drop attempt… Hiroshi bounces back, and there’s the TORNADO DDT that drills Beast head-first to the mat! No time better than now!
DM: Hiroshi dragging himself to his feet with Beast lying on the mat stunned… he makes it to his corner, and goes for the tag… and JA just steps off the apron!
DT: WOW!! Talk about a show of disrespect!
MN: Quite obviously, JA wants Hiroshi to get off his lazy ass and DO something on Beast…
DT: Hiroshi looks absolutely INFURIATED… and the distraction is enough for Beast to jump him from behind and ROLL HIM UP FOR THE PIN!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE—OH NO, near kick out!!
DM: The tension in this match is coming to a head. JA refuses to tag in… and now Hiroshi is left to control the dominant Beast!
MN: These two are having an unusually hard time with just ONE opponent…
DT: Maybe if they worked together, they’d get more done! Obviously, there’s a level of friction between these two knowing they must compete over a chance for the title. But back to the action… Beast brings Hiroshi back to his feet… there’s the whip to the ropes, and Hiroshi makes the BLIND TAG to JA! And the ref COUNTS IT!!
DM: GORILLA PRESS from Beast onto Hiroshi, sends the Muffin Man over the ropes and to the outside! And now JA is just coming to the realization that he’s the legal man!
MN: Uh oh!
DT: Beast grabs the ropes and SLINGSHOTS JA into the ring… and now he gets him to his feet… lifts him up with the suplex, and SLAMS HIM WITH A SUPER SPINEBUSTER!! MY GOD, that was devastating!
MN: Handled him like Britney handles her own children!
DT: Beast with the cover…
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE—OH NO, JA manages to kick out! And back on the apron climbs a dazed Kin Hiroshi, who just scraped himself off the floor outside the ring…
DM: It’s too much for Beast to put this one away. Having to spread the damage over interchanging opponents is keeping him from putting this one away. And now he brings JA to his feet, and it looks like he may be going for the ABSOLUTION 2K4!!!
DT: This could be IT!! Beast with the PUMP-HANDLE LIFT—and JA SLIDES DOWN HIS BACK!! JA with a BEAUTIFUL ROLLING CLUTCH PIN!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE—OH WOW, Beast kicks out!! THAT was too close! And Beast knows it as he gets to his feet and bears down on JA—and JA WITH THE BALLTAP!!
MN: OOH!!
DM: Cheap, but effective. The referee gives him a stern, but permissible warning, and it buys him just enough time to make the tag…
DT: I think he’d rather spend that time doing something else! JA comes to his feet… goes to his corner… and just BLINDSIDES an unsuspecting Kin Hiroshi with a FOREARM that just KO’s the Muffin Man… the the REF counts it as a TAG!!
DM: Uh-oh… Beast on the other side of the ring, looking angry and getting himself in a crouched position!! He’s got JA in his sights!!
MN: Hey Dave, who did Beast vote for in the 2004 elections?
DT: WHAT?!
DM: JA pulls a dazed Hiroshi into the ring… and tosses him into the path of a charging BEAST—
DT: GORRREE!! GORRRREE!! GOOOOORREEEE!!!
MN: Hey, Dave, you’re RIGHT!!
DT: Huh?! Oh… now I get it.
DM: JA slips out of the ring, and Beast just PULVERIZED the Muffin Man with that Spear that took him right in the chest! Beast bringing Hiroshi to his feet… hooks his arm from behind…
DT: AND THERE’S THE ABSOLUTION 2K4!!! That’s IT!! Beast with the cover…
ONE!!
TWO!!!!
THREEE!!!
[The bell rings as “Figure You Out” hits the PA.]
TF: The winner of this match, as a result of pinfall… BEEEEEAAAAASSSSTTT!!
[Beast celebrates in the ring amid a sea of cheering fans. JA, standing outside the ring, merely looks at the fallen body of Kin Hiroshi and shakes his head with disappointment.]
MN: Oh God, it’s NICKELBACK AGAIN!!
DT: In the end, it seems as though Kin Hiroshi and JA couldn’t work as a cohesive unit in doing Dan Ryan’s dirty work on Beast. Maybe it’s for the better, in the end…
MN: What do you mean, for the better?! What’s gonna happen when Hiroshi and JA are in the ring together at the next Aggression!?
DT: I can only predict total chaos.
DM: Beast wins on this night… and the two contenders for the number one contendership are really starting to get personal!
DM: What a great main event! What a great night of wrestling action!
DT: I couldn't agree with you more, we have a NEW Intercontinental Champion, that's history in itself ... we've had Dan Ryan's major announcement regarding the number one contendership to the EPW World Heavyweight Championship, and--
DM: What in the?!
MN: ICE TRE's in the HEEZY baby!
DT: Who writes your stuff?
MN: Your mother.
[The camera zooms in, and it is, in fact, Ice Tre -- face dripping with blood, trying desperately to get to his feet, but his legs are wobbly like spaghetti.]
DM: What's going on here?! What happened to ICE TRE?! Who could've--
[He's interrupted by a very vocal chorus of boos, as another wrestler steps through the curtain, steel chair in hand -- EPW World Heavyweight Champion, 'Triple X' Sean Stevens.]
DM: I thought, I thought?
DT: HE RETIRED?!
MN: Well obviously, he's had a change of heart Einstein.
[Sean stalks Ice Tre, who's crawling backwards trying to get away. Trip begins to run, Tre tries to make it to his feet, but is nailed in the back of the head with the steel chair.]
DM: Sean Stevens isn't retiring! Sean Stevens isn't giving the EPW title back! This was all a SET UP!
MN: And, a brilliant set up at that.
DT: Trip tosses Ice Tre into the ring, and lifts him to his feet ... ANOTHER CHAIR SHOT BETWEEN THE EYES! Tre hits the mat like a sack of bricks!
DM: And, the sad part is, Sean isn't done! He's got Tre up once again, he lifts him over his shoulder -- XTERMINATOR! He's trying to KILL that young man!
[Sean stands up on his feet, and begins to laugh sadistically, as the fans in attendance throw juice bottles, and popcorn into the ring -- some actually hitting Sean. Triple X signals for a mic, and lays down on his stomach, next to Ice Tre's fallen body.]
TRIPLE X: You stupid son of a B_TCH! You want me? You want another shot at the CHAMP? Well, you GOT me. Next Aggression ... YOU, ME in a match that I am the KING of -- a STEEL CAGE MATCH!
[More boos follow as Ice Tre struggles, using the ropes to get to his feet, only to be nailed with Stevens' patented Superkick, the Factor-X and falling back down on the mat, as the show goes off the air.]
[Backstage. Seasoned reporter Mojo Massey stands with a mic in hand wearing his usual snazzy suit. But something about Mojo and his expression doesn’t seem quite that “snazzy” after all. His eyes dart back and forth nervously, and he appears to be sweating. He is noticeably uncomfortable…]
[He suddenly tenses up as stepping into the frame is none other than “Triple X” Sean Stevens, the World Champion, proudly carrying his title and looking extremely business-like.]
Stevens: Sup, Moj? What did you need?
Mojo!: Um…
Stevens: …well, come on. You asked me down here to do promo work for next week. Now are we going to cut this thing or what?
[Massey says nothing, but stammers something unintelligible. To his credit, Stevens, no fool, recognizes immediately that something is amiss. That’s why when the backdrop standing up behind them suddenly collapses, the champion quickly spins and braces himself. Perhaps the reason why is because one would normally expect a chair shot or just any type of devastating strike… but the LAST thing he expects to experience is the snap of electricity in the air and the sudden crippling pain that surges through his entire body as the taser in Caitlyn Daymon’s hand drives itself into his abdomen!]
Stevens: AAARRRGGH!!!
[The World Champion’s legs crumble out from underneath him as he spasms with violent fervor, thrashing and twitching as an unimaginable voltage passes through his body. Sneering with absolute repugnance, Caitlyn stoops down and drives the taser into his throat! Stevens THRASHES on the floor like a fish out of water in absolute agony. When the second electrocution has finished, he’s given only a moment to catch half a lungful of breath… and Caitlyn tases him a THIRD time!]
Caitlyn: Have you pissed yourself yet?
[With the coldest of expressions, Caitlyn zaps him a fourth time!]
Caitlyn: My husband might have a reputation to protect… but I see things differently. You should have taken a hint when I kicked my husband’s ass up and down the arena… I’m the kind of woman you don’t want to piss off. I’m the B*TCH that bites back!
[Vehemently, Caitlyn BOOTS Sean Stevens across the face. At first it appears to be a means of continuing the pain she’s giving him… but now we realize, after a second and third kick to the head, that she’s bringing him back to consciousness.]
Caitlyn: Ramming your tongue down my throat is one thing… but USING me as a means to insult someone… that just pisses me right off. It’s that kind of womanizing that’s held back people like myself and Lindsay Troy since the beginning of humankind, and I’ll be DAMNED if I allow myself to be walked over by a piece of sh*t like you!
[Caitlyn steps out of the frame temporarily. Stevens groans on the ground, but is severely incapacitated.]
Caitlyn: I want you to do me a favor, Sean. I want you to close your eyes… and imagine the most disgusting thing that one could possibly stick in your mouth. Beyond dirt and mud… beyond bile… beyond sh*t.
[Caitlyn re-enters the frame with a chair in hand, setting it up, and taking a handful of Stevens’ long golden locks and ramming his head through the small opening between the back and the seat, closing it JUST ENOUGH that the steel presses a few centimeters into his throat. Eyes open and wild, he realizes he is stuck and incapable of breaking free, his mouth awkwardly hanging open.]
Caitlyn: Now I’ve got quite an imagination… and this is the closest thing I could think of.
[Caitlyn reaches off camera again and brings forward a small rubber bucket. She slips on a rubber glove and reaches in… pulling out a long, fleshy, hideous thing.]
Caitlyn: This here is a pickled kielbasa sausage that’s been fermenting all day in this bucket of chum I got from dockyard earlier today. I could probably do worse, but… this was all I could do on such short term notice. Now I want you to keep something in mind…
What you’re about to feel is not even a FRACTION of the disgust that came over me as you forced that revolting thing into my mouth!
Now open wide…
[Driving the sole of her boot against his jaw to keep his mouth firmly open, Caitlyn holds out the long, phallic link of meat and proceeds to drive it into the World Champion’s gaping maw as though she were trying to ram it out the other end! Stevens RETCHES in nausea as Caitlyn crams it in, meat breaking apart and turning to mush as her fingers drive as much as his mouth can possibly hold of mushed up meat product.]
[Without warning, a man’s hand comes into the frame and grabs her by the arm, quickly YANKING her away!]
Rocko: Woman, you’ve crossed the line this time!
Caitlyn: BULLSH*T! The line was crossed the minute this bastard got the bright idea to touch me! At least I have the balls to do something about it while you stand back and work off of your “plan”.
Rocko: I’ll repay what he’s owed when the time comes… but don’t expect me to stand at your side and fight your battles for you when it comes time to pay for this. Now let’s go.
Caitlyn: Whatever… it’s finished anyway.
[Caitlyn drops everything, rips off the rubber glove, and departs before she can be led away by anybody. Rocko lingers for a moment longer, looking down at the wide and tear-filled eyes of the World Champion. Perhaps he savors the moment as a smile slowly spreads on his face. And, without saying or doing anything else, he turns and exits.]
[A timid Mojo Massey, the bait for the Daymons’ cleverly laid trap, creeps back into the frame, eyes wide with what he’s just seen. He looks down at the trapped head of the World Champion with absolute shock and awe.]
Mojo!: Uhm, Mr. Stevens… is there anything I can—
[Like a starving python striking at its prey, Sean Stevens’ arm lashed out and grabs Mojo by the throat! The reporter’s eyes BULGE like grapes before he’s tossed aside! Then, in animalistic rage, Stevens drives himself to his feet, ripping the chair off of his head and heaving out the repulsive contents in his mouth. Enraged, he SPRINTS in the direction of the Daymons, the camera tracking his move!]
[Stevens tears through a doorway and immediately runs into a wall of fans.]
Fan: It’s HIM!! SEAN!! SEAN!! OVER HERE!!
[They’re upon him at once, and his pursuit is immediately halted as the cluster surrounds him. Ignoring them completely, Stevens gazes out into the audience area for the culprits. But they’ve disappeared without a trace.]
FADE TO COPYRIGHT.