[“Death is this Communion” hits the PA as the lights around the stage switch to the red filter. The audience lets out a HUGE reaction!]
TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a triple threat match set for one fall, and will determine the rightful Number One Contender to the Empire Pro World Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first, from Tacoma, Washington… weighing in at 243 pounds… HERE IS… ROOOOCCKOOOO DAAAAAYYYMOOOONNN!!!
[Daymon steps through the entry-way, noticeably alone. He acknowledges the cheering fans but briefly before making his way to the ring, a sober, determined look on his face.]
DT: Rocko Daymon has arrived, obviously alone, and he is looking ready for action tonight!
DM: I’ll say… after Stalker mercilessly tear up his wife like that while he could only stand back and watch, I’m sure he’s willing to go to any lengths to win tonight.
MN: And if he LOSES, then he just looks like a moron! THAT’D be pretty awesome.
DT: Daymon, obviously, is very motivated to win. He’s had a tumultuous last few months with the champion, Sean Stevens… and he’s looking to settle things at Black Dawn with the title on the line.
[Daymon slides into the ring and goes to a corner. “Eat The Rich” by Fozzie hits the PA as the silhouette of an intensely flexing man before a wall of lights appears in the entry-way. The fans COME TO THEIR FEET chanting the obvious two letters.]
TF: And introducing next… from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania… weighing in at 219 pounds… HERE IS… JAAAAAAY AAAAYYYYEEEE!!!!
[HUGE pop as pyros light up the stage and JA bounds onto the ramp! Playing up to the fans, he confidently makes his way to the ring.]
DT: A HUGE ovation for Jerichoholic Anonymous as he comes to the ring!
DM: You want to talk about motivation… THIS man is the definition of motivation in this match! Daymon might have his out-of-the-ring tiff with Stevens, but JA is the man who knows he has something to settle with the champion in the ring.
MN: Yeah, cause he couldn’t settle it the last TWO times…
DT: JA is very much at the top of his game, and tonight, he may very well gain his ultimatum against the nearly unstoppable champion!
[JA valiantly hops into the ring, continuing to work up the crowd while taking stone-like off glances to Daymon across the ring. “Wings of a Butterfly” by H.I.M. drifts over the PA, and the audience CHEERS WILDLY as a train of MUFFINS crosses over the Empire-Tron!]
TF: And finally… fighting out of Seattle, Washington… he weighs in at 240 pounds… HE IS… “THE MUFFIN MAN”… KIIIIIN HIIIIRROOOSSHIIII!!!
[Pyros EXPLODE over the stage as Kin Hiroshi boldly steps out onto the stage and gets a MASSIVE ovation from the fans in attendance! Eyes focused on his opponents, he casually makes his way to the ring.]
DT: Last, but CERTAINLY not least, comes the notorious Muffin Man from the Land of the Rising Sun!
DM: Hiroshi’s climbed a hard road to make it to this point! He’s here to prove that he has just as much motivation as both these guys, and he doesn’t need to ride on any rivalry to prove why he’s the better man to go to Black Dawn!
MN: They take that crap seriously back where he’s from, you know?
DT: Without rivalry… without anybody in his corner… Hiroshi has earned everything on his own up to this point. A win tonight would mean more than just a title shot… but also give the champion Stevens something to think about while much of his attention is devoted to the other to.
MN: Come on, you really think Sean Stevens WATCHES any of these guys?
[Hiroshi slides into the ring and poses for the fans a few times before going to his corner. The referee begins making his final preparations.]
DT: I’d like to remind the viewers at home that this match is set for NO disqualifications… and NO interferences are permitted. These men will settle this match on their own.
DM: That’s the way it was meant to be.
MN: So basically, I’m going to be falling asleep through this, right?
DT: I doubt that very much, Mike. These men have long been plagued by errors and shady calls… but tonight, an undisputed superior will rise above the others. That man will meet the champion at Black Dawn… and it looks like we’re ready to get this underway!
[The bell rings… and all three men advance to the center of the ring.]
DT: The quest to crown the Number One Contender concludes TONIGHT, and here we go! All three men meeting up in the middle, and THE FISTS START FLYING!! No need to dilly-dally; they’re getting right to the POINT!
DM: It’s a three-way brawl, and no man is showing signs of letting up! But now here’s DAYMON being forced back… and it looks like Hiroshi and JA are focusing solely on him!
DT: We saw this kind of double-teaming when these three met at Russian Roulette, and it did well for JA and Hiroshi to take Rocko out early on… now Daymon’s up against the ropes… there’s the double-whip, sending Rocko across the ring—and Hiroshi just SHOVES JA after him! No alliances here…
DM: Now it’s JA in Daymon’s sights as he comes off the ropes… BIG CLOTHESLINE puts the Anglo Luchadore to the mat! And now it’s HIROSHI, KICKING DAYMON to the mat with a wheel kick!
DT: We’ve got some fast-paced action early on in this main event!
MN: Yeah… none of that technical crap that Dean-O oozes over all the time.
DM: Don’t be naïve, Mike; setting the pace is an important part of competing in a match. Speaking of, we’ll now see if Kin Hiroshi can manage this match to his liking, now that he finds himself with an early opportunity…
DT: Here’s Hiroshi on JA as he comes to his feet, and pushes him into the corner… there’s the Irish Whip—and JA just BUTTS HEADS with Rocko Daymon as he comes to his feet, and both men drop to the mat! Hiroshi’s doing well thus far in managing both opponents at one time…
DM: We’ll see how long he can keep it up… Hiroshi, again opting for JA as he brings him to his feet again… working the shoulder with a textbook arm wrench, and there’s the SWEEP to the back of the legs that puts JA back on the mat! Now it’s Hiroshi going for a Fujiwara ARMBAR!! Oh man, here it goes!
MN: Oh man, there HE goes…
DT: JA fighting the submission hold… and he gets a save from Rocko Daymon, back on his feet, strips Hiroshi off… and now he has a chance to make a move as he grabs Hiroshi around the waist! Hoists him up looking for a GERMAN SUPLEX—and HIROSHI flips to his feet!
DM: Here’s Hiroshi with the reversal… wait a minute, JA back up… and Rocko DROPS TO THE MAT as JA BLASTS HIROSHI with a running Cross Body Chop!
DT: Hiroshi is down, but now Daymon and JA rise together… here comes Rocko with a Clothesline—and JA quickly reverses with a hiptoss! Daymon, back on his feet as if he didn’t even feel it… and JA drops him again as he charges forward with a DROP TOE HOLD!!
DM: Daymon’s getting reckless… he wants to go for hard-hitting attacks, and JA is just picking him apart! Daymon up again… here’s Rocko with another lariat attempt—and JA ducks, following with a FLOAT-OVER DDT!!
MN: OOH… nighty-night, Rocko.
DM: And you thought wrestling couldn’t be fast-paced…
DT: That move left Daymon limp on the mat, and now here’s JA with the cover…
One!
Two!
NO!! Hiroshi with the save! And now with JA on the mat, Hiroshi mounts him and settles for the ground-and-pound! Hiroshi, getting in some HEAVY shots, and JA is suffering for it!
DM: Am I the only one who finds it odd how much MMA is being integrated into wrestling these days?
MN: Hell no! Wrestling needs MORE of that, damnit! It’s the only thing that keeps me INTERESTED anymore, when those beautiful things are bouncing all over the place!
DM: …what the HELL are you talking about?
MN: Massive Mammary Action! You know, “MMA?”
DM: Nevermind, Mike… let’s just focus on the MIXED MARTIAL ARTS happening in the ring… JA trying to escape the wrath of Hiroshi, but now Hiroshi is nudging him toward the corner! JA is in a bad situation now… Hiroshi has him sitting against the bottom turnbuckle, and there’s nowhere for him to go!
DT: This could be bad for the Anglo Luchadore… Hiroshi rising to the second rope… OH MAN, COMES OFF WITH A DOUBLE-STOMP to the STERNUM of JAY AYE!!
MN: Instant lung deflation.
DT: Here’s Hiroshi again climbing the second rope for ANOTHER stomp… but ROCKO DAYMON, back on his feet, ATTACKS him from behind with a Double Axe-Handle! Rocko’s got the opportunity he needs now… and he RIPS Hiroshi out of the corner and flat on his back!
DM: Hiroshi up… and a RUNNING KNEE LIFT from Rocko puts him back down! Now it’s JA coming to his feet in the corner… and Rocko with a RUNNING CLOTHESLINE, sandwiches him in place before he can make a move! Daymon works well in these fast-paced, high-intensity situations, and now he’s routing for his first major offensive in this match!
DT: You might be right there, Dean-O… Hiroshi looking a little wobbly as he comes back to his feet, but Daymon’s charging at him like a steaming locomotive! Rocko with a SPINNING BACK ELBOW that catches Hiroshi in the jaw and sends him flailing to the mat! He is UNSTOPPABLE!!
DM: I can’t say it’s my cup of tea, but… it’s got the crowd going, at least. But wait, here’s JA back on his feet and placed in the corner! Here comes DAYMON…
DT: Rocko with the BACK-FIRST SPLASH—and JA DIVES TO THE SIDE!! Daymon just connected BACK-FIRST with that turnbuckle, and he falls to his knees in pain! I think he got a little carried away with himself there…
MN: Hey, the guy’s had a bad night… there’s NO QUESTION that he wants to win this, so give him a break!
DM: What makes you think Hiroshi and JA don’t want this just as bad? Here’s JA, now, bringing the stunned Rocko Daymon to his feet, and he hooks him around the face… BACKBREAKER—OH MAN, INTO A REVERSE S-T-O!! What the HELL WAS THAT?!
DT: Innovative move from JA, and he makes another pin attempt on Rocko Daymon…
One!
Two!
And DAYMON kicked out of that one! Rocko survives, but JA maintains control…
DM: We’ll see how long that lasts as Hiroshi comes back to his feet and approaches the Anglo Luchadore… there’s the collar and elbow tie-up! JA, sinks his arms around Hiroshi’s head, and slaps him into a side headlock! Great form on the part of the Anglo Luchadore…
DT: Hiroshi trying to break free, but JA has his arm tightly wound around his head!
MN: Well, let’s see how well he manages to keep that hold when Daymon comes back to join the fray.
DT: Daymon, back on his feet, and approaching JA… but OH!! JA saw him coming and met him with a boot to the gut! And now he uses his FREE ARM to slap a headlock onto ROCKO!! Where is he going with this?!
DM: I dunno, Dave… handling one man is hard enough, but two? Maybe JA’s bitten off more than he can chew, although for the time being, he’s got both opponents at bay, and the FANS are mounting behind him!
MN: It ain’t gonna last…
DT: I think you’re right, Mike… for once! Here’s Rocko and Hiroshi, lifting JA OFF THE MAT with a DOUBLE Back Suplex—BUT JA FLIPS BACK and lands on his FEET!! And the Anglo Luchadore with a STEREO OPEN-HAND BULLDOGS on BOTH Hiroshi and Daymon!! EXCELLENT innovation on the part of JA, who now clearly holds an advantage over both of his opponents!
DM: JA is fired up, and thus far, neither Hiroshi’s technical skill nor Daymon’s power approach have had ANY effect on trying to slow him down!
MN: MAN, I knew it was a bad idea for the soda machines in the back to be carrying all those cans of Pepsi Max!
DT: The Anglo Luchadore is still in control of this match, and he may very well earn his spot against the champion Sean Stevens if he continues this kind of momentum! JA has both men by their heads, and brings them to their feet… a CHEER TO THE AUDIENCE gets them WILD… and delivers a DOUBLE-WHAMMY on both Kin Hiroshi and Rocko Daymon!
DM: Daymon just flopped to the mat… but Hiroshi’s still on his feet, reeling! Now JA’s putting his attention on him as he delivers a kick to the side—AND FOLLOWS THROUGH with the ENZIGURI!! Hiroshi was put down with that one…
DT: You could almost hear the smack of JA’s foot against Hiroshi’s skull resonating through the entire arena… but JA not letting up for a second! He runs to the corner… boosts up, and FLIES OFF WITH A SPLIT-LEGGED MOONSAULT!! HE NAILS IT!!
DM: JA goes back to his high-flying roots, and Kin Hiroshi took ALL OF THAT in the chest!
MN: Looks like JA took a little with him as well. Look at him rolling on the mat clutching his ribs… you know, those high-flying moves are real crowd pleasers… but is it worth the self-sacrifice?
DT: OF COURSE it is, Mike! ANY of these men will go to ANY lengths to headline Black Dawn for a shot at the World Heavyweight Title. Self-sacrifice is what brought them this far, and the man that gives just that extra bit more here tonight will go on to become the number one contender!
DM: JA, a little shaken up… but he crawls over the wounded body of Kin Hiroshi, and hooks the leg for the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THR—NO!! Hiroshi with a kickout before the referee could make the count of three. “The Muffin Man” is looking in bad shape in there…
DT: Jerichoholic Anonymous is certainly doing a number on him… and now as this match drags on, exhaustion is quickly setting in. Hiroshi needs to make a move soon if he wants to continue his quest to Black Dawn!
DM: Rocko Daymon, looking groggy, has made it back to his feet in the corner… and now JA is taking the opportunity to bring Hiroshi back up to his feet… he grabs him by the arm… there’s the Irish Whip to the CORNER—and HIROSHI AND DAYMON COLLIDE!! Looks like Daymon got the worse part of that as he comes stumbling out of the corner, leaning on the ropes…
MN: He isn’t doing much better than Hiroshi right now.
DT: And here comes JA on Hiroshi once again with a SPINNING HEEL KICK—and Hiroshi DUCKS—and DAYMON is the one in the line of fire!! He goes RIGHT TO THE MAT after taking that powerful hit right to the face! And now Hiroshi has the opportunity to make his move…
DM: JA spins around… but HIROSHI meets him with a boot to the gut! Hiroshi with a front-facelock… hooks the leg… lifts him UP AND JUST DRILLS HIM WITH A FISHERMAN BRAINBUSTER!! MAN, it looked liked JA was just turned into a human accordion as all of his weight came down on the back of his head and shoulders!
DT: Meanwhile, KIN HIROSHI shows that he’s still in this match! He’s got a hard road ahead of him, though…
MN: I’ll say. After that beat-down at the hands of JA, the Muffin Man looks as if he’d keel right over if somebody farted next to him…
DT: Let’s hope THAT never happens any time soon… Hiroshi back up, and he meets Rocko Daymon as he comes to his feet… pushes him against the ropes, and there’s the whip across the ring! Hiroshi, looking for a HURRICANRANA—!!
DM: DENIED BY DAYMON, as he refuses to be flipped over on his back! Hiroshi in a tight spot now as Daymon holds him on his shoulders… Daymon running to the ropes, looking for a POWERBOMB TO THE OUTSIDE—OH NO, HIROSHI GRABS THE BOTTOM ROPE AND DRAG’S ROCKO TO THE OUTSIDE!!
DT: An UNBELIEVABLE counter by the Muffin Man… and now he has JA all to himself! JA almost to his feet… but Hiroshi slips back into the ring, and there’s a BULLDOG that puts him back on top of JA!
DM: Jerichoholic Anonymous seemed to do well as he took down both men at once with a variety of innovated moves… but can Hiroshi gain an edge by working away at the presumed weaker man?
DT: What makes JA the “weaker” man?
MN: Because it’s JAY-AYE, duh! The guy wears a mask like some fruity Frenchmen…
DM: Actually, I was referring to JA having spent all that stamina and energy controlling the last few minutes of the match… and now with Hiroshi in control, he’ll soon be looking to his reserve tanks, if he has any!
DT: Hiroshi is indeed in control, as he waits for JA to get to his feet, and puts him DOWN with a textbook Japanese Armdrag!
MN: The best thing off that island, other than Playstation 3 and MXC.
DM: Hiroshi looks to be trying to transition to an armbar… but JA wrestling back, and both men come to their feet, grappling toe to toe!
MN: Try to keep the snake in your pants, Dean-O.
DT: JA looking for a headlock—NO!! Hiroshi slips him into a FULL-NELSON… and STRAIGHT INTO A DRAGON SUPLEX PIN!!
ONE!
TWO!!
NO!! JA with the kickout…
DM: A near fall, but Hiroshi has this match going at his tempo… but maybe that will change as Rocko Daymon climbs onto the apron to reenter the ring. Daymon, taking a moment to catch his breath…
DT: Uh-oh, spotted by Hiroshi! Here’s the Muffin Man to the ropes—SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK to the FACE of the unsuspecting Rocko Daymon, who was sent back to the outside!!
MN: Man, that dumbass…
DM: Hiroshi really got a charge out of the fans with that one… and once again, Hiroshi controls the ring. Now he’s getting JA to his feet once again, continuing to work on the wearying Anglo Luchadore…
DT: There’s a whip to the ropes—but JA with the REVERSAL!! Hiroshi coming back, and JA sets him up for a MONKEY FLIP—but HIROSHI with a somersault, and HOOKS BOTH LEGS FOR A COVER!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THR—NO!! Broken up by Rocko Daymon, who was just quick enough to slide into the ring and disrupt the pin.
MN: That guy’s got the timing up an unwanted pregnancy…
DT: I’m sure Hiroshi feels that way too, but now Daymon is wrestling him back to his feet… Daymon looking for a Russian Legsweep—but KIN HIROSHI breaks free with an elbow to Daymon’s face!
DM: And Hiroshi, with a LARIAT, sends Rocko back to the outside as he was reeling back against the ropes! Man, Hiroshi really looks to be annoyed with Rocko’s interruptions…
MN: Well wouldn’t you be annoyed if you had victory within the palm of your hand and some shmuck keeps ruining your vibe?
DM: …to be honest, yeah, I think I would.
DT: Back to the action, as Hiroshi gets JA back to his feet. The Anglo Luchadore hasn’t been looking to good over the past few minutes as Kin Hiroshi wears him down at every opportunity. How much longer can he hold out?
MN: You’d be surprised. You see, the mask cuts off the circulation to his brain, so he really doesn’t even feel the first ten or fifteen minutes of pain.
DM: Even if that WERE true, he’d be lightning quick compared to YOU, Neels.
DT: Hiroshi bringing JA back to his feet… and JA STRIKES BACK with a Knife-Edge Chop!
DM: Might be some life left in him after all!
DT: But KIN HIROSHI with a CHOP of its own, and he had some HEAT on that one! JA stunned, and Hiroshi lifts him up… and PLANTS HIM with a MICHINOKU DRIVER!!
DM: Man, he’s just going for the throat now! I don’t know HOW JA’s going to come back from that one…
MN: HEY, are you saying I’m slow?
DM: That was ten seconds ago, Mike. Where the hell have you been?
MN: …Alaska.
DT: At any rate, Hiroshi, neglecting a pin… perhaps he has something else in mind? He looks to the turnbuckle… yes, there IS something on his mind! He’s going RIGHT TO THE TOP!!
DM: Uh-oh… this might be a risky move. Why give your opponent that kind of opportunity when you’d been doing so well thus far?
MN: Because he’s an idiot, Dean. Haven’t you figured that out yet?
DT: Hiroshi perched on the very top rope… and JA laid out in front him… Hiroshi comes FLYING OFF… NAAAAILLZZ the DIVING HEADBUTT!!
[Crowd PAWPS!!!]
DM: OH MAN, A DIRECT HIT!! Right into the STERNUM of Jerichoholic Anonymous!! That might be it!!
DT: Here’s Hiroshi with the COVER…
ONE!!
NO WAIT… the referee spots ROCKO DAYMON putting JA’s foot on the bottom rope!! Daymon, on the outside, SAVES what could have been a match-ending fall!
DM: I like to think that JA would’ve kicked out of that on his own strength… but Rocko Daymon obviously wasn’t taking any risks, and didn’t have the time to go back into the ring. And now it looks like Kin Hiroshi is FED UP with him!
DT: Looks like you’re right, Dean… here’s Hiroshi, bouncing into the ropes… and BLASTS ROCKO IN THE FACE with a BASEBALL SLIDE!! And now Hiroshi is bringing the fight to Daymon on the outside!
MN: I guess now he’ll regret putting a stain on the Muffin Man’s work…
DM: I dunno… Hiroshi really needs to be focusing on the man on the ring.
DT: Hiroshi bringing Rocko back to his feet… VIOLENTLY shoves him into the steel barricade by his hair! Hiroshi proceeding to pummel the back of Rocko Daymon as he hangs sweating and exhausted over the barricade right in front of the front-row seats.
MN: Heh heh… have a lick, kids! Take it home as a souvenir!!
DT: Hiroshi taking Rocko by the arm… there’s the WHIP to the STEEL CORNERPOST—NO, ROCKO WITH THE REVERSAL, and KIN HIROSHI GOES HEAD-FIRST INTO THE STEEL POST!!
DM: Misjudged Rocko’s strength there… wait, is that what I think it is…?
[The camera gets a shot of Hiroshi’s face while he lies on the outside floor. A cut has formed in his forehead where his skin broke as he connected with the steel.]
MN: Yep! We got a BLEEDER here, folks!!
DT: Daymon bled nearly buckets in their last foray… and it looks as though tonight, it’s the Muffin Man’s turn to bleed! Daymon getting Hiroshi back to his feet, and takes him around the waist. Looking for a Gutwrecnh Suplex here?
DM: Possibly so, as Daymon lifts Hiroshi UP—AND DROPS HIM ACROSS THE APRON!! OH MAN, HIROSHI LANDED ON HIS BACK!! What a SICKENING collision!
DT: Daymon has been unwillingly left out of this match for the past few minutes while Hiroshi worked on JA… and now he’s come back with a vengeance! Rocko now bringing Hiroshi up to his feet. What does he have in store for him next?
MN: Put his ass through a table! DESTROY HIM! Just… do it far away from here, please?
DM: Wait, inside the ring, here’s JA!!
DT: OH MY GAAWWDD!! JERICHOHOLIC ANONYMOUS CLEARS THE ROPES… and CLEARS THE COMPETITION with a BEAUTIFUL rope flip plancha to the outside! Neither Daymon nor Hiroshi saw that coming, and the Anglo Luchadore has a chance to come back in this match!
DM: I nearly thought he was OUT of this match… but shame on me for every doubting him!
DT: JA back in full control, rolling Rocko Daymon into the ring first… and follows with Hiroshi, as Daymon comes to his feet! JA up to the apron, and here he comes into the ring with a SPRINGBOARD MISSILE DROPKICK—OH NO, DAYMON CAUGHT HIM!! JA hits the mat HARD, and now Daymon looking for a TACOMA CLOVERLEAF!!
MN: “Tacoma” Cloverleaf… how that’s different from the TEXAS variety, I’m not sure. Just call it a damn Cloverleaf!
DM: Oh no, bad position for JA!! He looked to be routing a comeback, but now he finds himself on the verge of SUBMISSION as Rocko gets him over onto his belly! You don’t see many tap-out attempts in a triple threat match, but fans, after that cut to the head, Hiroshi is in NO condition to come to the save of JA at this point!
DT: JA squirming, clawing, fighting it for everything he’s got… he’s near a set of ropes, but can he make it? More appropriately, does he have enough STRENGTH to get that far??
DM: Good question, Dave… while JA was losing strength at the hands of Kin Hiroshi, Daymon was gaining his own while outside the ring, away from the action! Daymon—amazingly enough—has that move locked in as if he was a mat wrestling PRO! I don’t see JA getting out of this one…
[The fans are CHEERING WILDLY, some in support of Daymon’s near victory, and others trying to mount behind JA!]
DT: Jericoholic Anonymous, RIPPING his fingers into his mask as he tries to hold back the pain shooting through his legs and lower back right now… and… my God, I can’t believe I’m seeing this, he’s MOVING to the ropes!!
DM: Daymon’s trying to plant him… but he can’t get the traction he needs!
MN: Damn tread-less wrestling boots!!
DT: JA feet away… INCHES… CENTIMETERS…
MN: PICOMETERS…
DT: HE’S GOT IT!! JA REACHES THE BOTTOM ROPE!!
DM: Unbelievable!
DT: It seems as though Rocko Daymon can hardly believe it himself as he releases the hold, and leaves JA on the mat to recover while turning his attention to Kin Hiroshi. Hiroshi coming to his feet… and CATCHES ROCKO with a shot to the mid-section… followed by a second! Hiroshi back on his feet now, NAILS Rocko with a right hand… and Daymon hits him with a RIGHT OF HIS OWN as if he didn’t feel it!!
DM: Hiroshi might soon regret opting to trade blows with a natural brawler like Rocko Daymon!
MN: Everybody knows that as a child, Rocko Daymon tried to eat a bee-hive, and has a steel jaw as a result of the bodily injuries he suffered.
DT: Hiroshi comes back with another… and DAYMON with an even heavier counter!! Daymon with a SECOND big right hand… and a DISCUS PUNCH that just levels Kin Hiroshi to the mat!
DM: Daymon is PUMPED, and so is the crowd!! Rocko, switching targets, goes back to JA, who is just now making it to his feet with the help of the ropes…
DT: Given what JA has gone through, does he have enough to stop Rocko Daymon’s unyielding momentum? Daymon has JA from the side…
MN: Looks like that’s a NO, Dave…
DM: RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP from Daymon! Holds on as he brings JA up again… and drops him with a SECOND!!
DT: Up again for number three… and he NAILS IT!! JA, BARELY has the strength to resist him, and now Daymon goes for the cover…
ONE!!
TWO!!
THR—NO!! JA with the NEAR kickout!!
DM: I am simply amazed at the fortitude of JA… he’s gone under a lot of damage… put his body on the line in a lot of cases… and he’s STILL hanging in there!!
DT: JA is still in this fight… although he may have to wait a while longer until he gets another chance to make a serious impact, as Rocko Daymon gets him to his feet and dumps him into the Tree Of Woe in the corner, and again puts his attention on Kin Hiroshi!
MN: JA can “HANG OUT” in the meantime…
DT: Clever, Mike. Seriously, you should write for the Daily Show, or something…
MN: You think I have a shot?
DT: NO.
DM: The Muffin Man looks a little groggy after that haymaker to the face as he comes back to his feet… and turns right into a BOOT TO THE GUT, delivered by Rocko Daymon… and Daymon with a DOUBLE-ARM DDT!!
DT: Daymon is SERIOUSLY cleaning house in that ring… he’s beating JA and Kin Hiroshi into PULP, and showing no signs of slowing down.
DM: But he can’t put them down for the three, Dave. JA and Hiroshi are proving to be TOO determined to win this one!
DT: We’ll see if Rocko Daymon can finish it here as he hooks the leg and covers Kin Hiroshi…
ONE!!
TWO!!
THR—AWW, NO!! HIROSHI WITH THE KICKOUT!! Rocko can HARDLY believe… and neither can many of these fans!!
DM: I don’t know who they’re cheering for, but they’re enjoying this either way!
MN: These people will like anything their spoon-fed…
DT: What an incredible match-up we’re witnessing here tonight… but only ONE man can go on to compete for the title at Black Dawn! Right now, with his dominance in the ring, Rocko Daymon is the clear front-runner… but he’ll have to put forth even more than what he’s giving to put either one of these equally determined athletes!
DM: Looks like he’s finally coming to that realization, Dave, as Rocko Daymon brings a wearied Kin Hiroshi to his feet… there’s the whip to the turnbuckle! You know what comes next!
DT: Daymon charges in… and NAILS HIROSHI with the BACK-FIRST SPLASH!! Hiroshi’s in TROUBLE!!
DM: He might have some help, as JA finally tumbles out of the turnbuckle… but Rocko’s already looking to finish this off, as he yanks Hiroshi out of the corner by the arm, DRAGS him back into a well-placed KICK TO THE GUT… and he HOOKS BOTH ARMS FOR THE BRAIN ROCKER—
DT: But JAY-AYE MAKES THE SAVE!! JA, with a BIG diving clothesline, just knocked Rocko Daymon to the mat and saved Kin Hiroshi from being finished off!
MN: Where the hell did he come from?!
DM: You should know better by now than to underestimate the ability of the ANGLO LUCHADORE!
DT: Daymon getting back off the mat… but here’s JA, grabbing him around the waist—
AND JUST PLANTS HIM WITH A KARELIN DRIVER!!
DM: HE DID IT!! He STOPPED Rocko Daymon dead in his tracks! Now all he has to do is make the COVER!!
MN: What a lucky break…
DT: JA, almost has this one in the bag… now he is slowly crawling to Daymon, who lays flat on his back… and now Kin Hiroshi is working his way up onto his knees! JA’s gotta finish this one quick!
DM: JA only has the strength to drape an ARM across the chest of Rocko Daymon!
DT: Good enough!
ONE!!!
TWO!!!
THREE—OH NO, HIROSHI BREAKS IT UP!!
DM: DAMN!! So close…
MN: Close doesn’t cut it, Dean. Or have you forgotten?
DT: Kin Hiroshi, fighting exhaustion and BLOOD LOSS, saves this match from slipping through his fingers… but does he have enough to put either of these men away?
DM: We’ll find out soon enough… here’s Hiroshi back to his feet… and JA as well… and JA steps in with a KNIFE-EDGE CHOP across the chest of Hiroshi… and Hiroshi FIRES BACK with one of his own!!
DT: Both men, once again EXCHANGING hard chops across the chest! I haven’t seen pectorals get THAT red since Mike visited the salon to get waxed.
MN: Oh Walken, don’t remind me…
DT: Here’s JA with ANOTHER chop… and HIROSHI returns… and puts in ANOTHER… and a THIRD IN A ROW!!
DM: Hiroshi’s getting the edge!
DT: Hiroshi with ANOTHER chop—NO!! Blocked by JA… and Hiroshi BITES BAT with a boot to the gut!
NAGASAKI FAT MAN!!!
DM: WHAT A SUNSET FLIP PILEDRIVER!! JA is OUT like a LIGHTBULB, and Kin Hiroshi is MOMENTS AWAY from earning his spot at Black Dawn!
MN: COVER HIM, you idiot!!
DT: Hiroshi barely has the strength to finish this off… but he drapes himself across the chest of JA, and HERE IT IS!!
ONE!!!
TWO!!!
THREEE—NO, NO NO NOOO!!! JA WITH THE KICKOUT!! JA KICKED OUT!! How in the HELL did he do that?!
DM: That masked man is UNSTOPPABLE, I tell ya! Hiroshi executed that move perfectly, but JA is just TOO RESILIENT to be let himself be put down!
MN: I’m telling you… the mask pads his head. His actual head is really small… like the size of a grapefruit. Believe me, I’ve SEEN it.
DM: …liar.
MN: Okay, I’m just pulling your leg, but MAN, could you imagine a person like that? What a freak they’d be!
DT: Hiroshi looks simply disheveled right now… but now he’s prepared to finish this off! He knows what he’s gotta do, and now as he lifts JA off the mat, he’s prepared to do it!
DM: You can’t mean… HIROSHIMA’S LITTLE BOY??
DT: The very same, Dean!! Hiroshi hooking JA from behind, and lifts him onto his SHOULDERS!! HERE WE GO!!
DM: JA’s going to be FINISHED after this!!
DT: NO!! JA struggling… he’s trying to break free!! Hiroshi having trouble keeping him in place!!
MN: ABORT! ABORT!!
DT: Here’s Hiroshi going to the ropes… and TOSSES JA off his shoulders!
DM: WHOA!! JA lands on his feet on the apron… and grabs Hiroshi by the head for a JAWBREAKER—
DT: TOO LATE!! ROCKO DAYMON with a RUNNING HAMMERBLOW to the back of Kin Hiroshi, and both men at the ropes BUTT HEADS!! JA was just sent TUMBLING to the outside, and now a dazed Kin Hiroshi turns around… right into a BOOT TO THE GUT—
BRAIN ROCKER!!!
DM: OH MAN!! DAYMON, with that SIT-OUT DOUBLE-UNDERHOOK FACEBUSTER, just BURIED Kin Hiroshi into the mat, and now he’s in a position to WIN this!! Where’s JA!?
DT: JA still on the outside as Daymon… wait, not going for a pin? Now he’s mounting Hiroshi across the back…
DM: What the HELL is he doing?!
DT: Daymon going for a Camel Clutch? NO!! GOES FOR A GEDO CLUTCH!!!
DM: WOW!! JA trying to make it into the ring for a SAVE!!
DT: Here’s the pin…
ONE!!!
TWO!!!
THREEE!!!!
[The bell rings JUST as JA knocks Daymon off of Hiroshi… but is just a second too late. “Death Is This Communion” hits the PA as the referee helps the victorious Daymon to his feet. JA slaps the mat in frustration while Kin Hiroshi recovers on the mat.]
TF: Here is your winner… and OFFICIAL Number One Contender…
RROOOOCCKOOO DDAAAYYYYMOOOOOONNN!!
DT: What an UNBELIEVABLE VICTORY for Rocko Daymon! I had almost written him off after he was put away by JA, but Daymon pulled out all the stops and came back to win this at the most opportunistic moment!
DM: And did so with a little flair. He may have been anticipating Hiroshi kicking out of the Brain Rocker, which ISN’T outside of the Muffin Man’s power… but instead, Daymon opted for that innovated Gedo Clutch pin, and sealed the deal.
MN: Well, Dean, the guy you DIDN’T want to win ended up winning. How does that make you feel?
DM: Ugh… you know, Mike, even though I’m admittedly a bigger fan of wrestling talents like JA or Hiroshi… I can at least say I enjoyed the entirety of this match, and the performance put forward from all four men. Considering all that, I’ll just leave it by saying they’re all winners in my book.
DT: Completely true, Dean. This was an EXHAUSTING match, and all of these men wanted victory like nothing else! But TONIGHT… Rocko Daymon has earned his spot at Black Dawn against the champion, Sean Stevens, and considering EVERYTHING that’s gone done between them recently, I’d say he deserved this victory every step of the way!
MN: Imagine how much of an ass he’s going to feel like after Stevens whoops him…
DM: Wait a minute, speaking of…!
[The cheering audience suddenly begins to BOO as the camera pans over to the stage… where the champion himself, SEAN STEVENS, appears, wearing a wry smile and carrying the belt over his shoulder. In the ring, Rocko Daymon stares daggers back into him.]
DT: The animosity between these men is unprecedented! Sean Stevens has been the thorn in Daymon’s side for many months, and when these two collide at Black Dawn, we can nothing short of ABSOLUTE PANDEMONIUM!
DM: No doubts about that, Dave… and considering what went down earlier tonight with Caitlyn Daymon, I’m sure Rocko feels pretty damn good about—
MN: OH, HE AIN’T FEELING GOOD NOW!!
DT: WAIT!! WHAT IS THIS?!
[The boos SPIKE as STALKER, having emerged practically unseen from the crowd and slipped into the ring, begins ASSAULTING Rocko Daymon from behind! Almost as soon as Daymon has been put to the mat amid a flurry of strikes from his nemesis, Stevens comes sprinting down the ramp…]
DM: Oh no… this is going to get UGLY!!
MN: I smell a beatdown!!
DT: The alliance between Stalker and Stevens is apparently STILL in tact, as the World Champion slides into the ring, and now BOTH men ruthlessly attack the new number one contender! Either they’re sending a clear message or they’re not going to give Rocko the chance to even MAKE IT to Black Dawn!
DM: Here’s Stalker bringing Daymon off the mat… and THROWS him to Stevens—WHO JUST PASTES HIM ACROSS THE FOREHEAD WITH THAT GOLD TITLE!!
[The arena becomes a FLOOD of boos as Stevens stands over Daymon, holding out the belt for him to see, and SPITTING ON HIM while he’s down!]
DM: Rocko has no help here…
DT: OR MAYBE HE DOES!! HERE’S JA AND HIROSHI TO THE RESCUE!!
[The audience POPS TREMENDOUSLY as Hiroshi and JA, suddenly forgetting their disappointment, come to the aid of Rocko Daymon by going toe to toe with his attackers!]
DT: HERE WE GO!! Chaos in the ring, as Hiroshi lays into the face of Stalker and JA goes after the champion!
MN: What a bunch of crap! They wouldn’t be doing this if they didn’t have strength in numbers!
DT: Only four men are standing, Mike! Learn to count!
MN: I know how to count! Kinda have to, at the dog tracks…
DM: And a HASTY RETREAT is made before Stevens of them can suffer any more damage! It’s JA and Hiroshi standing tall in the ring now!
[Trash talking is exchanged between both sides, with both Hiroshi and JA giving the “finger-point of death” to the champion, who merely waves them off and goes back up the ramp with Stalker in tow, holding up his title for the thousands of booing fans in attendance. Back in the ring, JA and Hiroshi turn their attention to Rocko Daymon as he struggles to get to his feet. After a moment’s hesitation and exchanging a glance, both men stoop down and help him to his feet.]
DT: There’s a sign of sportsmanship right there…
DM: It may not be a handshake or a simple good luck… but JA and the Muffin Man at least know a little thing called respect.
MN: Respect is for losers… and they lost tonight, so no surprises there.
DT: Obviously, JA and Kin Hiroshi, even after tonight’s setback, aren’t completely turned away from the prospect of competing for the EPW World Heavyweight Title… but they’ll have to wait for their time to come, because tonight, all eyes are on ROCKO DAYMON as he goes into Black Dawn with a momentous victory here tonight!
[To “Death Is This Communion”, Daymon climbs the turnbuckle, pumping his fist into the air for the sea of roaring fans around him. JA and Hiroshi separately exit the ring and go back up the ramp.]
DT: Ladies and gentlemen, we’re about out of time here tonight… we hope you enjoyed the show we had tonight!
DM: It was quality water-cooler talk, that’s for certain.
MN: Eh, it was so-so…
DT: Our next stop is BLACK DAWN!! We hope to see you there for what’s turning out to be quite an event! Until then, I’m Dave Thomas… and on behalf of my partners Mike Neely and Dean Matthews, I’d like to wish you all watching out there a good night!
DM: Drive safe!
[Fade to black.]