DT: This is it, folks! It's time for the main event, where we will finally crown a World Heavyweight Champion!

MN: Yeah, but will it be Beast or Christian Sands who walks out with the title?

DT: We'll just have to - hey, who's coming through the crowd?

MN: ...It's Dan Ryan! And look at that GETUP!

[CUTTO: The aisle as Dan Ryan strolls leisurely through the crowd. He's wearing an oversized Beast T-shirt that reads "Feel The RAAAHRRR!!!" and a Beast ball cap with a goofy 3-D claw that juts out from the hat. Grinning, he plunks himself down in a steel chair in the front row and slips on an enormous Beast foam finger, then grabs a beer in his other hand.]

MN: RAAAAHRRR!

DT: Well, Dan Ryan said he was Beast's biggest fan - but really, that hat is ridiculous.

MN: Feel the RAAAAHRRR, Dave! That rocks!

[The arena lights fade down to darkness, then slowly come back up in deep blue as the sound of chanting monks fill the arena, and the video screens light up with "BEAST" flashing in different styles and colors of text, mixed in with video clips of Beast executing various moves on his opponents. The chanting monks play for about 15 seconds, then fade into Nickelback's "Figure You Out", and as the opening guitar chords hit, a blast of red and white pyro go off around the stage area, then Beast walks through the smoke down the ramp and to the ring, followed closely by Lindsay Troy. Once in the ring, Beast salutes the fans by touching his fist to his chest over his heart a couple times before raising his hand in the air. He then notices Ryan and snorts, looking away. However, his gaze snaps immediately back to Ryan as a badly-dubbed, ridiculously cheesy "RAAAAAAHRRR!" plays at the end of his music. The expression on Beast's face clearly shows that he wants to slap the huge shit-eating grin off Ryan's face and rip him limb from limb. For his part, Ryan flashes a thumbs-up to go with the grin.]

MN: Raaaaaahr? Hah!

DT: This could very well be Beast's big night, Mike! Beast has fought valiantly through everything in his path, and now stands mere moments away from the chance to live his dream!

MN: Well, MY dream is to bone Lindsay. ROWR! Beast's one lucky foo.

DT: Erm. She is certainly attractive.

["Dark Machine" by Paul Oakenfold cues up, and the lights in the arena go out; the GlobalTron lights up with an image of Christian Sands gazing down from a distance, his face illuminated as if by car headlights through a window. After the first fourteen seconds of the song, a red strobelight kicks in. Smoke machines begin blowing a drifting mist horizontally across the ramp as Christian Sands emerges, striding down the ramp with the mist curling about his feet. He vaults into the ring over the top rope and stretches his arms briefly before walking to his corner and staring silently at Beast.]

DT: Beast's got a dream, but so does Christian Sands, as he's come a long way to make it to this point!

MN: But man, that ain't fair. Beast's got Lindsay as backup.

DT: That in itself shows you a key difference between these two men. Beast has said that he wears his heart on his sleeves, and indeed Lindsay and he are romantically close. Sands, meanwhile, walks alone. He's the kind of man who trusts only in himself.

[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings. Sands and Beast step into the center of the ring as the referee and Tony Fatora stand between them and Lindsay slides to the outside.]

TONY FATORA: Th' following contest is scheduled for one fall! It will determine the inaugural Empire Pro Wrestling Heavyweight Champion of the World!

[Big pop.]

TONY FATORA: Introducing first, from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada! He weighs in at two hundred and ninety pounds and is accompanied by "The Queen of the Ring" Lindsay Troy! THIS... ISSSSS... BEEEEEEEEEEEAST!!!

[Beast raises his arms to the roaring crowd. Dan Ryan comes to his feet and whistles loudly, clapping exaggeratedly. Troy sniffs in his direction, and Beast ignores him.]

TONY FATORA: And his opponent, from Barrie, Ontario, Canada! He weighs in at two hundred and seventy pounds! THIS... ISSSS... CHRRRRRRRRRRISTIAAAAAAAANNN... SAAAAAAANNNNNDS!!!

[Sands doesn't move, but rather stares a hole through Beast, oblivious to the deafening boos of the crowd.]

[As Fatora steps out of the ring, the official holds the title up to the crowd, then lectures the two men on the rules before sliding out of the ring. SFX: *DINGDINGDING* - Bell rings.]

DT: And we're under way here!

[Beast and Sands stare down for a long moment, going nose-to-nose in the center of the ring and talking trash. Beast is the first on the offensive, throwing a heavy punch, but Sands ducks it and grabs a waistlock, taking Beast to the mat with a Greco-Roman throw and boosting over to snap a side headlock on him. Beast tries to roll out, but Sands switches up and goes to another side headlock. Growling, Beast powers to his feet, but Sands takes him over and goes to a rear chin lock, applying a leg grapevine around Beast's waist.]

DT: Oh! Sands taking Beast to the mat from the get-go, working him over in his own element!

MN: Maybe Sands wasn't full of crap after all. He's looking a lot more focused than we've ever seen him.

[Grabbing Sands' leg, Beast tries to break the grapevine, but Sands releases it himself and drops the big man on the canvas. He drives a hard elbow into Beast's sternum, then picks him up and whips him into the ropes. Beast comes back and levels Sands with a huge shoulder block that evokes a big pop - especially from Ryan. Ignoring the Ego Buster, Beast runs the ropes, but Sands drop toe holds him and clubs at his neck with hard right hands before applying a camel clutch.]

DT: Beast with a hard shoulder - no, Sands back on him! There's a camel clutch!

MN: Heh heh. Camel.

[Sands works in the camel clutch, but Beast powers out, rising to his feet with Sands still on his back. However, Sands releases the hold and clips Beast's left leg. He tries to apply a Sharpshooter, but Beast kicks him off, at which point Sands backs into the ropes and drops a knee on the big man. With the aid of the ropes, Beast pulls himself quickly up. Sands Irish-whips him across the ring, but Beast ducks his clothesline, rebounding to turn him inside out with a huge boot!]

DT: What a boot from Beast!

MN: Sands did a 360 off that one!

[As Sands comes to his feet, Dan Ryan comes to his feet, waves his foam finger in the air, and starts yelling "BEAST! BEAST! BEAST! BEAST!" at the top of his lungs. Beast glances over and flips him the bird before picking up Sands, whipping him into the corner. Sands bounces off the turnbuckles hard, and Beast charges in to kill him with a massive clothesline.]

DT: Big lariat from Beast, and he's ALL fired up!

MN: Dan Ryan's pissing him off!

DT: He is something of a nuisance, isn't he?

[Shoving Sands roughly into the corner, Beast sizes him up and delivers a massive overhand chop that evokes a "Wooooo!" from the crowd... and from Ryan. However, Sands fights back with a stiff chop of his own, the sound echoing throughout the arena. Another "Woooooo!" ensues. Beast chops back, and Sands reciprocates, and the two chop at each other as the crowd woos - well except for Ryan, who is yelling "RAAAAAHRRR!" with every Beast chop. Lindsay can barely hold back a snicker. Finally, Beast hits a particularly stiff chop that knocks Sands to the mat.]

DT: Both men going to the chopping block there!

MN: It's a trip to the woodshed!

[Shooting Ryan a flat look, Beast pulls Sands to his feet and sets him up for a vertical suplex; however, Sands hooks his leg around Beast's, blocking the move. Beast tries again, but Sands drops to one knee and sweeps Beast's legs out from under him, shooting in to hammer at the big man's neck with right hands. Beast fights to his feet, but Sands takes a step back before darting in to take him down with a swinging neckbreaker.]

DT: Oh, Sands with the neckbreaker there, as it's clear which body part he's targeting here!

MN: Neckbusta! Hah!

[Wincing slightly, Beast pulls himself to a standing position - but not for long, as Sands grabs him from behind and hits a half-kneeling neckbreaker across his shoulder, then pulls Beast over his shoulder with a snapmare. He clubs at the big man's neck with harsh rights for a moment before running the ropes, baseball-sliding into Beast's chin with a dropkick that snaps Beast's head back painfully. Beast hits the mat hard, and Sands boosts into a cover.]

DT: There's the cover by Sands! Could be it - No, Beast kicked out!

MN: Kicked out? POWERED out! He flung Sands right off him!

[Beast stands quickly, but Sands is already on him, taking him down with a spear and trying for the Sharpshooter. However, Beast grabs his leg and drags him to the mat, then waistlocks him and launches him with a rough release German suplex! Sands lands in a heap near the corner, and Beast follows him, dropping him on his neck with a BRUTAL back suplex! Ryan waves his finger in the air again and begins chanting, "BEAST IS COOL! BEAST IS COOL! BEAST IS COOL!" This time, Beast doesn't even look at him, but his expression darkens.]

DT: I think Dan Ryan's antics are starting to get to Beast! Nevertheless, he's got Christian Sands reeling here!

MN: WITH HIS HOSS POWAH!

DT: ...Right.

[Intensity flickers in Beast's eyes as he stalks the rising Sands, scooping him up and launching him across the ring with a belly-to-belly suplex. Sands bounces off the canvas and comes to his feet unsteadily, and Beast dumps him over the ropes with a clothesline.]

DT: Oh, Beast sends Sands down to the floor!

MN: That's not fair! You KNOW Troy's gonna get involved, and it's no interference! DQ Beast!

[Troy doesn't get involved, honoring the stipulation. Beast grunts and climbs the turnbuckles, then comes off at Sands with an axehandle. However, Sands dodges out of the way, and Beast hits the barricade, his chin snapping off the steel guardrail! Beast slides to the floor, holding his head.]

DT: OUCH! Beast's head just hit that steel guardrail!

MN: STEEEEEEEEEEL!!!

DT: Oh, and look at Ryan!

[As Beast reels against the rail, Ryan reaches over and pats him on the shoulders before shouting, "GO BEAST GO! GO BEAST GO!" He then pats Beast on the head like a dog, evoking a giggle from Lindsay. Beast looks like he's inches from ripping Ryan's head off his shoulders, but Sands gets to him first, Irish-whipping him into the ring steps. Beast flips over the stairs and lands near the ramp, looking dazed.]

DT: Dan Ryan's making a nuisance of himself - but OH, was that ever a sickening trip into those stairs for Beast!

MN: Did you hear the thud?!

DT: I heard it!

[Beast holds his neck with one hand as Sands hauls him to his feet, then knocks him down with a stiff chop that draws woos from the crowd. Quickly, Sands rolls Beast into the ring just in time to break the ten count, then goes to the top rope and sails off with a moonsault that connects firmly!]

DT: WOW! Sands with a beautiful moonsault! The cover - One - TWO - NO, Beast kicked out!

MN: Damn! Sands rarely uses the top rope, but when he does it's COOL!

[Gruffly, Sands drags Beast to his feet and shoves him into the corner, chopping away at him a few times. From there, Sands waistlocks Beast and heaves him into the center of the ring with an impressive belly-to-belly suplex. Beast stumbles to his feet, and Sands swings in behind him, slapping on a double chickenwing and hitting a tiger suplex, then rolling through for a second and a third before releasing!]

DT: Rolling tiger suplexes from Sands there! He's taken control of the match!

MN: Has he ever! But you gotta think Dan Ryan's playing a factor in that.

DT: He's certainly not helping matters.

[Dazed from the impact, Beast sits up and shakes his head quickly, but stops and lets out a clipped breath as a jolt of pain runs through his neck. Sands takes advantage immediately, running the ropes and sailing over Beast to crack him with a rolling neck snap. Beast falls back, and Sands immediately locks him in a surfboard strait-jacket hold, stretching Beast's neck against the back of his knee.]

DT: There's the necktie surfboard by Sands! He's definitely wearing Beast down here!

MN: He's chokin' that big boy out!

DT: Beast trying to fight out, but Sands has got him locked up tight!

MN: Man, once he gets his hands on you, you're DONE.

DT: Sands is definitely a master of submissions, and he's proving it right now, as he's completely immobilized Beast!

[At ringside, Dan Ryan waves his foam finger in the air and starts screaming "LET'S GO BEAST" loudly. The crowd soon joins him in a thunderous "LET'S GO BEAST, LET'S GO BEAST" chant. Fueled by the crowd, Beast fights to his feet and elbows his way out of the hold. He goes to run the ropes, but Sands grabs him by the neck and takes him down roughly before locking on a grounded dragon sleeper, swinging over to add a side body scissors with his legs.]

DT: Beast fighting out - No, Sands shuts him down, and now to the inverted facelock sleeper!

MN: I guess Sands was telling the truth. He's really taking it to Beast. I don't think Beast expected this.

DT: This is a very devastating hold by Sands, as it immobilizes Beast's body and cuts off the flow of blood to his brain! It could be over here!

MN: Beast's fading fast!

DT: Senior referee Rudy Gossard checking on Beast! Raises his arm... it falls once!

MN: Beast's OUT! He looks completely unconscious!

DT: The official raising Beast's arm again... falls twice!

MN: One more and Sands wins the title!

DT: Raising it again - NO!!! BEAST KEEPS IT UP!!!

MN: HE'S ALIIIIIIIIVE!!!

[Surging to his feet as he gets his second win, Sands powers out of the hold and shakes Sands loose with elbows, then flattens him with a clothesline. He whips Sands hard into the ropes and boots him in the face to a big pop, then scoops him up and body-slams him to the canvas with authority! The crowd roars, and Dan Ryan offers a war-whoop.]

DT: Beast's a house afire! Clothesline! BOOT! Body slam! Sands is REELING!

MN: He tastes that title!

[Drawing in heavy breaths, Sands fights to his feet. Beast kicks him in the gut and hooks him up for the Absolution to a huge crowd pop, but Sands pulls out Beast's legs and catapults him into the corner. Beast catches the ropes, however, and blocks the impact. Sands turns, and Beast kicks him in the gut and KILLS him with the Absolution to a HUGE pop!]

DT: ABSOLUTION!!! ABSOLUTION!!! IT'S OVER!!! BEAST COVERS!!!

ONE!!!

 
TWO!!!

THREEEEEEE!!!