DT: Gentlemen, as EPW continues to grow and become one of the premiere federations in the world, we have to look back at the contributions of the men and women who have put on spectacles and shed the blood, sweat, and tears to allow us to be selling out Madison Square Garden. Two men who come to mind, Joey Melton and Cameron Cruise: the Cameron Cruise Project; One of, if not the greatest tag team in recent memory. They set box office records, are brought new viewers to this company. Mike, Dean… The Cameron Cruise Project for almost two years were EPW as much as anyone else. Now, they battle for the championship of each other.

MN: Did you say Cameron Cruise and Box office records in the same sentence together?

DM: I thought he did.

DT: It’s about respect, the perceived lack of respect they never got from the other. It’s a pity to say one of the great teams come down to this, a cage match to see who the weak link was, but here we are, loser must get on the house mic afterwards and say he respects the other man.

MN: That’s long what I’ve wanted written in Dean’s contracts. To end each broadcast with him verbally respecting you and I, Dave. Seems fair.

DM: How’s that working out for you?

[A tidal wave of emotion rides through the Garden as Cameron Cruise steps out of the stage entrance, stops a the top of the stage and salutes the crowd. Cameron fists pounds a few lucky fans, who won’t wash for weeks now, the sweat of Cameron Cruise blended into their skin, but the former IC champion walks with a decided purpose and without Mercedes.]

DT: A surprise here, no Mercedes accompanying Cruise.

MN: Never a good idea to leave the brain behind. But, hey, maybe Cruise knows something I don’t.

DM: That’s almost a given.

[Cruise acknowledges the fans again, takes a deep breath and steps through the cage door. He has Joey Melton alone, at last.]

[MUSIC CUEUP: “I Need A Hero” – Bonnie Tyler]

DT: You know somewhere, at this very moment Rod Stewart is watching Black Dawn and cringing.

[Born in New York, New York, Melton struts out, bathing in the hometown reaction from the Garden fans. Joey turns as sparklers set off on opposite sides of him, his back turned towards the cage and the fans. The pyrotechnics reflect beautifully in the diamond studs embedded in his illustrious black robe. Melton has his own robe guy in New York. You know you’ve made it in this business when you have a robe guy; so few ever do. Joey walks straight down the center of the aisle, sneering at outstretched fans and looking at his watch as if to imply he won’t miss dinner reservations.]

MN: That’s class, Dave. New York class.

DT: Gimme a break.

DM: Mike sit down and stop clapping.

MN: This man is the reason your crack habit continues to be fed.

DM: By all means then…. JOEY!

[Melton looks up at Cruise inside the cage and laughs. THIS is the man he’s supposed to draw money with tonight. It’s a PPV. Melton wonders if Ryan’s forget Black Dawn isn’t a regional television broadcast. Joey disrobes, carefully folding his precious neatly, before handing it off to an underpaid staffer.]

DT: Joey Melton entering the cage! You can feel the electricity in the Garden!

MN: The type usually reserved for Bassmaster Expos, and tournaments.

DT: Those do, do well here I understand. Melton inside with Cruise, and we’re seconds away! Last minute thoughts guys?

DM: No.

MN: Luckily Dean doesn’t get paid by the word, nor Cruise by time of match. I don’t see this one going more than a few ticks of the clock. It’s a PPV event, Dave, and Melton lives for this big moments.

DT: Madison Square Garden on its feet for this one, the anticipation has reached a fever pitch! Weeks in the making, it’s Cameron Cruise and Joey Melton from Madison Square Garden!

[Mike Shannon, an EPW rules official locks the steel cage with a pad lock from the outside, violently shaking the cage door to the New York crowd’s delight for confirmation that Cruise and Melton have no way out.]

MN: A hometown hero vs. a noted racist and leader of Arian nation! Feels just like the Saturday Morning Serials of your youth, aye Dean? Melton just needs a Redskin painstakingly reading his lines at his side and we can wrap this up in thirty minutes.

DM: And we all wear the mask tonight. Each of us has something to hide, an emotional pain that cuts too deep to share. Maybe we can all be heroes Neely.

[Joey grabs the top rope and leans back, stretching his aging body, hoping it responds. Cruise jogs in the place, beaming at the steel enclosure that’s brought he and Melton back together.]

SFX: DING! DING!

[The Garden reacts at the ring bell, and the gladiators inching towards one another, and a kill.]

DT: Cruise and Melton slowly measuring each other, Collar and Elbow Tie-up! Both men fighting for position, Cameron on his heels, no! Melton’s sent flying into the corner! Joey taken back by the strength of Cruise, reaches for the steel cage and tests it’s validity. He’s not going anywhere for the time being.

MN: So does this mean Cruise is the strong of the two? Which one can get to the bottom of a Tootsie Pop first? I need to know these things.

DT: Tie-up in the center of the ring, Melton’s low, knees bent for leverage. Cruise backs up two steps, Joey’s red faced, everything he owns is in this, he wants to keep the upper hand on Cruise even at this early juncture!

MN: Once you let the dog sleep upstairs, he’ll want up there every night. Joey knows he has to put Cameron to bed early, and not let the mutt test his boundaries. Why is Dad giving me hell in my headset for using ‘Redskin?’

DM: You’re still live, idiot. This is why Dave and I campaigned for controlling your safe button.

DT: Cruise backed a third step, but he powers forward, TOSSING Joey to the mat, legs up and over his head! Cameron turns his back to Melton, and poses for him! And the hearts of young women collectively swoon!

MN: And Dean’s as well. I’ll be honest, that man is sexy. More than a few times my wife has mentioned bringing him home…

DT: Please! Joey slaps the turnbuckle in disgust. We’re a minute in, and he’s been bested by Cruise twice already. He’s complaining to the ref about something…

DM: He wants a piss check right here. I like the gamesmanship, test Cruise for steroids or smack during the match itself.

DT: If Joey’s displeased with the ref, he has nobody to blame but himself. Connor Button is the man in charge, and this is his first EPW event! He’s a Carnival employee, who’s worked hundreds of Melton’s cruise ship charades. Er, matches. Point being, as Joey aggressively dives at Cruise and locks up for a third time, that Button’s a yes-man with no formal experience.

MN: I’d call working Melton matches on the high seas a great experience. I bet he even gets to keep the women after Joey maims and abuses them first.

DT: Oh Geez. Cruise backing Melton up, but he goes down hard! Come on! Joey clearly had a hand full of hair!

[Garden crowd loves it, as Joey works Cruise over with an arm bar.]

MN: Let’s not be accusatory for once Thomas, how bout that? Button thought it was a fair move, that’s good enough for me!

DT: Joey bringing Cruise to near tears as he rams a knee into the back of Cameron’s elbow! Button’s not on the EPW payroll, Mike. It’s a fair bet Joey paid his way here! How Ryan let him get away with this…

[Cruise struggles to his feet, with the crowd behind him, he reaches with rage colored eyes for Melton’s blonde locks, but Joey again takes liberty with the rules and yanks Cameron to the mat.]

DM: If the kid’s family buys the PPV, that’s a meal, or new dress for Alaina Troy. It’s called aggressive marketing.

DT: Melton with Cameron’s right arm laid out like a six foot sub on the mat, DRIVES his left knee into Cruise’s elbow! I know EPW rings are more forgiving that others, but Joey’s on the verge of breaking his former partner’s arm!

MN: As long as Mercedes still has two, Cammy’s marriage will remain in good shape.

DT: Joey lifts Cruise to his feet, twists under Cruise’s right arm, elbow on elbow and the former IC champion folds like a tent! Joey wrapping Cameron’s arm over the top rope, what’s he doing here?

DM: Going for a submission? Just a guess.

MN: What Dean said. This match already is boring me. I was promised Troy and Mercedes suspended in cages 35 feet in the air. Why was that suggestion vetoed?

DT: Melton pulling like hell on Cruise’s arm, his feet through the middle ropes and supported by the cage! The agony on Cameron’s face!

MN: Oh, he could’ve saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico but didn’t!

DT: Button’s not even counting! Come on! That’s a five count right there. If he’s going to be in an EPW ring he has to enforce the rules!

[Cruise is pale in the face, the tendons in his arm searing with pain.]

MN: Hey, we don’t know how they do things on the Pacific Ocean, do we? Have an open mind, and learn something Thomas. My bet is you were always the one who questioned the exchange student’s study habits.

DT: Cruise with his foot on the middle rope, he’s climbing the ropes! Both feet on the cage, HEADBUTT! Cameron shot off the cage and cracked Joey in the head with his! Melton’s dazed, worse he may be busted open as Cruise crumples to the mat in a heap, holding his arm like a newborn baby.

DM: If the arm’s broke he has to end it, but Cameron’s too aware of the stipulation. The loser has get on the house mic and say he respects the other. How many times in the last few weeks ahs Cruise thought to himself, “I’d rather lose my right arm than say that.” Well, fate’s pretty literal sometimes.

DT: Melton is indeed bleeding slightly from a cut on the left side of his forehead. He walks to Cameron, twists under the arm, KNIFE EDGE CHOP! And Cruise rocks back on his heels! Melton under the arm again, BACKFLIP by Cruise, Cameron twists under, ELBOW TO ELBOW and Joey falls to his knees! Cameron grabs a handful of Melton’s hair and holds his face in place…short jabs by Cruise, needling into Melton’s forehead.

DM: I like the move. Open Melton up, get some blood in those eyes. Go for a TKO of your own.

DT: Cruise falls directly back, bounces off the ropes and clotheslines Joey! Melton withering on his back in pain, Cruise off the ropes, LEG DROP! He motions to Button to cover, the pin…ONE….TWO….NO! Joey’s up. Melton to his feet in a hurry to stem the damage, right hand by Cruise! Joey fires a left! Right by Cruise! Right by Cruise! STANDING DROPKICK! And Melton’s caught in the ropes!

MN: I once saw a kid get his neck caught like this, and nearly choke to death! The good news here is Melton can breath, I guess.

DT: The Unifier’s kicking and screaming, barking orders to Button for help, but he’s not going anywhere! The Crowd on it’s feet, they realize Cruise has a free shot! Cameron, playfully strutting in front of Melton, licking his chops, how he’s waited for this, to have Melton as a punching bag, unable to fight back. Cruise right hook! Joey’s eyes are an impression of a pinball machine right now. He’s on TILT! Cruise drops to his knees, smirks to the crowd, no, show some mercy…NUT SHOT!

MN: That’s like cutting Samson’s hair. Son of a bitch!

DM: Oh those don’t really hurt. Mike, let me show you..

MN: Get off me you queer.

DT: Cruise, tucking Joey’s legs under the bottom rope, leaving him exposed! As much as I enjoy seeing Joey get his, I am a firm believer in fair play.

MN: It’s a cage match, Thomas. No pussy footing around.

DT: Cameron off the ropes, running kick to Joey’s gut! Melton’s lifeless! The Garden’s rocking, they sense it’s over! I have to agree. Melton’s on dream street, and there’s nothing he can do!

DM: At least Cotton’s realizing the urgency and has gotten his cue.

[Button feverishly works to free a sleepy Melton.]

DT: Cruise sees he’s smartened up as well, Cameron NECKBREAKER on Button!

MN: Careful, the man isn’t even legally supposed to be in the ring.

DT: What the hell?

[Adrian Evans, aka Little Voltron cuts across the Garden skyline on a pulley. The crowd watches as Evans races to the cage, hovers over it, his legs flailing to find a good landing, then helplessly shoots past the ring altogether and exits stage right.]

DT: Adrian Evans…what the…

MN: [laughing] That drop would’ve killed him!

DM: The little shit’s probably still racing around the arena. Wow.

DT: Cruise, laughing to himself, and at Melton. You can see the pity in Cruise’s eyes. This is what the great Joey Melton has come to! Plan B is a midget dropping like manna from the sky.

[Cruise delivers a knee to Joey’s chest.]

MN: There was a time when Melton could out think anyone. I…I remember those times. How the mighty have fallen.

[Cotton struggles to his feet, unsure of where he’s at.]

DT: Cameron in Joey’s grill talking, at this point he just has to free Melton and pin him. And it’s all justly deserved! The way Melton’s belittled Cruise leading up to this match has been shameful.

[Cotton Button reaches in his pants, and pulls out a plastic bag. Before the crowd can alert Cruise, Button leaps on his back and ties off a plastic bag around Cameron’s head.]

DT: NO! WHAT! The ref, BUTTON! COTTON BUTTON!

DM: Martial arts kick to Cameron’s kidney! Button with a kick to the back of Cruise’s head and Cameron’s out!!

MN: Sometimes guys, the greats just get better with age.

DT: Nonsense! This is an outrageous! Button freeing Melton, and the Unifier collapses to his feet! He’s out! Easy for the pickens, if Cruise didn’t have to fight off a second man! THE BLASTED REF OF THIS MATCH!

DM: Kinda hard to imagine Cruise forcing him to count three now, huh?

DT: Joey’s bleeding like a stuck pig, and has no idea where he’s at, but Button’s viciously attacking Cameron Cruise! Kicking away at the former IC and Tag champion! Cameron Cruise needs air! Somebody!

[Melton staggers to his feet, with the aid of the ropes. Standing, leaning against the turnbuckle, he wipes blood off his face and searches for composure.]

DT: Button spinning roundhouse kick! This can’t be happening! Dammit this is EPW’s biggest stage, and Melton and this buffoon who Kathy Lee Gifford probably hired personally are ruining it!

DM: When did Dave go on his period, Mike?

MN: When is he NOT?

DT: Shut up you two! Now, Cruise being thrown head first into the steel cage! Goodness! Mercy to Betsy, he’s probably dead right now.

MN: One less stiff on the payroll. Now if we can just get rid of Matthews…

DT: Melton walks to Button, a grin the size of Texas on his face. How can he possibly be pleased with what he’s done here tonight?

MN: You mean get the upper hand?

[Button and Melton gleefully embrace, as the crowd boos.]

DT: Shut up. Cotton drags Cruise to his feet and holds ups arms behind him! Melton rips off the bag, ohmy! Cruise is busted open, and he looks half-dead. Joey right hand to the mush! Melton now, dancing around like he’s the second coming of Ali and peppering Cruise with jabs! Cruise is finished!

MN: He just spat up blood. He’s breathing, so he’s got that going for him which is nice.

DT: Melton and Button….send Cruise head first into the cage! Cameron crawling for the ropes, he wants out of the ring. Button sweeps his legs up as Cruise hangs on to the ropes! Melton, no, come on Joey, he pulls Cotton’s belt off him…Joey WHIPPING Cameron Cruise like a dog!

MN: Called it.

DM: Very nice.

DT: Joey’s very clearly lost his mind tonight. This is pathetic.

DM: It’s been brewing for weeks, Dave. You could see it. Cruise hadn’t gotten under Melton’s skin. He’d dared break away, and make steps to leave Melton behind. What you’re seeing tonight is Joey Melton give a lesson to a punk who dearly needs one.

DT: I don’t believe that. Melton holding Cruise up by the legs now, Cotton off the ropes, VEG-A-MATIC! Another warm embrace as even this New York crowd, Melton’s people, are turning against him. Joey covers, arrogantly, ONE….TWO….come on! Melton picking Cruise’s head off the mat, shaking his fingers no.

MN: What are you talking about? Cruise powered out!

DT: He did not! Joey whips Cruise into the ropes, POWER SLAM! Cameron barely made it across the ring. He’s going on instinct right now.

DM: What instincts, set yourself up for an ass kicking. You wonder if Ryan ever marketed a talking dummy of Cruise, what’d it say?

MN: That’s sorta like Jumbo Shrimp, if you stop to think about it.

DT: Joey has Cruise to his feet, hooks the lights, VERTICAL SUPLEX! No! Cruise blocked it! I don’t believe it! Suplex attempt again, NO! BLOCKED! Button with a forearm to Cameron’s back! A cheap shot! VERTICAL SUPLEX and Cruise is down this time! How can Cruise be expected to fight off two men when…

MN: He’s spent his entire career struggling to beat one?

DT: Don’t put words in my mouth Neely!

DM: Well-said Dave.

DT: Melton barking orders to Cotton who races to the top rope. Cruise needs some help out here.

MN: From who? Hiroshi? When you look as good as Cruise does, and smell better, there aren’t a lot of men on the ready to take up your cause. We’re jealous creatures. We men.

DT: Melton and Button working seamlessly together, and why shouldn’t they with hundreds of cruises under their belt. Joey Side-Russian Leg Sweep and Button off the top with a FROG SPLASH! Look at Button begging Melton for the pin. The idiot wants to count himself over Cruise.

MN: Is that legal?

DT: None of this is!

DM: No, this is legal. What Mike did with his cousin last night wasn’t.

MN: I get nervy during Hurricane Season, cut me a break.

DT: Melton kicking Button off Cruise, apparently in his mind this hasn’t gone on long enough. Cruise propped up in the corner, arms thrown over the ropes like anchors. Knife Edge Chop by Melton! Another! Button and Melton each grab a hand and whip Cruise into the opposite corner, Cameron bounces HARD out of the corner, Button and Melton charge, DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! Cameron just flung himself in the air and clotheslined both men!

[Cameron’s act of life recharges the Garden crowd.]

DT: That may have been everything Cruise had left to spend right there, but he fired the shot.

MN: See, all your whining for nothing. Cameron’s still fighting. It’s a fair fight.

DT: It’s two on one!

[Button jumps to his feet as Melton lingers, and stomps like a man mad as hell at his own shadow.]

MN: Blame Ryan, he hired the man!

DT: Camel clutch by Button, ripping Cameron’s neck right off it’s hinges. Joey in Cameron’s face giving him the business! Be a man and take Cruise by yourself, come on! Joey motions to Button, they’re going to try it again.

DM: He’s just letting Cameron know where he belongs. The man spent the better part of two years following Melton around like a lap dog, asking how high when Joey said Jump. You almost can’t blame him for forgetting he’s a pawn.

DT: Cruise thrown into the opposite corner a second time, Melton and Button run in, Cruise rolls under, off the ropes, FLYING BODY PRESS! He’s got Melton down, and Button’s head is pinned underneath!

[Out of agony at being pinched under Cruise’s body, Cotton slaps the mat hard twice, essentially counting Melton. The crowd realizes what’s happening, and counts off with Button’s hand.]

DT: He’s going to pin Melton! No! Joey reaches in desperation and grabs his stooges hand! What an idiot! Melton kicks out, and sends Cruise over Button.

MN: That poor kid would have never lived that one down.

DM: Or worked the North Korea tour for Melton again.

DT: Joey angrily drops and elbow over Cameron’s back. Cruise’s right foot in his hands, Joey pulls his former tag partner in the center of the ring, figure four time you better believe. Melton hooks the leg, but Cruise counters, SMALL PACKAGE! [Fans pop hard, then realize there’s no one to count] ONE…TWO….Where’s Cotton!?.

MN: You still think he’s going to count these pins for Cruise? Dave, really?

DT: Melton tackles Cruise into a corner, driving his left knee into Cameron’s gut! A Knife Edge Chop! HIP TOSS! Joey points to the top of the cage, and Button gleefully starts to scale the cage like a cat. Melton steadies Cruise on his back, in the center of the ring, his legs in Melton’s firm grip. Look at that kid climb!

DM: He’s a jack of all trades, more or less.

DT: He’s a jack something. Cotton, perched on the top, he’s gonna stand on the top of the cage!

[Fans jump to their feet. Spot of the show here.]

MN: Is it any wonder Joey sails Carnival when, evidently, this is the quality of help you’re provided? Say what you want Dave, but this kid’s a strong endorsement for his company.

DT: Please. Button smirks at the Garden faithful, here he goes!

[As Button flies off the top of the cage, Cruise uses his leg strength to pull a distracted Melton into his body, then schooling him up, as Cotton misses the pair and brutally hits the mat.]

[Big pop.]

DT: Cruise with the pin! I don’t believe it!

[Button doubled over in pain angrily slaps the mat, again counting the pin on Melton.]

DT: ONE……TWO……kick out! So close! Melton’s livid.

MN: I didn’t say he was the employee of the month, mind you.

DT: Melton leads Cotton by the throat into the corner. Displeased doesn’t do the look on Melton’s face justice!

MN: If this kid’s not union, he just lost his benefits.

DT: Melton and his stooge really getting into it! This kid’s giving as good as he’s getting.

[As Melton and Botton argue, a weary Cruise climbs the cage.]

DM: I don’t how smart that is for long term employment, you know Mike.

MN: He’s union, no doubt about it.

[Fans lose their minds, both Joey and Cotton think the pop is for them, and they intensify their lecture.]

DT: CAMERON CRUISE! Cruise scaling the cage, he’s on top and Melton doesn’t see him! A false move and the man could fall to his death!

MN: Dean, help me blow….

DT: Cruise be careful! OH!! Cruise HURRICANERANA and Melton’s thrown like a dead weight across the ring!!

[The Garden EXPLODES.]

[Button not wasting a second, leaps backwards on the middle turnbuckle and flies off at Cruise.]

DT: Cameron catches Cotton! ATOMIC DROP! He whips Button across the ring, off the ropes, SPINEBUSTER! Will you listen to this crowd!!? Melton gamely to his feet, but he’s rubber at this point. Cruise, SWINGING NECKBREAKER!

MN: Cameron, remember the good times you and Joey used to share. Show mercy. He’s old. Brittle. A high-insurance risk.

DT: The Crippler pulls Cotton Button to Melton and lays his body over Joey’s! He’s pointing to the top again! Don’t risk it! Cameron no!

[As quickly as he can, Cruise climbs to the top of the cage, as the fans exchange high fives with one another.]

DT: Cameron trying to steady himself on the top of the cage, he’s playing with fire if you ask me.

MN: Don’t listen to him Cameron! Jump! Jump!

DT: Cameron….ELBOW DROP ON BOTH MEN!

[Cameron sits up beside the bodies, and bathes in the Garden’s “Cam-ron Cruise” chant.]

DT: He did it! Cruise, falls back, but no cover! [Cruise grabs Button’s weightless left hand and slams it to the mat] Yes! ONE…..TWO….TH---- [Melton miraculously grabs it before it hits.] That was it! That had to be all!

MN: Don’t discount Melton’s resolve to NOT lose to Cameron Cruise. It’s part of what fuels everyone in EPW.

DM: There ya go Dave. Help’s on the way.

[The crowd cheers wildly as Mercedes runs down the aisle, in knee-high black leather boots, a tight black mini-skirt, and a Ref’s top.]

DT: Cruise’s wife, Mercedes Devon! Has she been sanctioned?

[Mercedes frantically yells at Shannon to open the cage door and let her in.]

MN: Does it matter at this point?

DT: Mercedes is in! Much to Cruise’s dismay.

MN: Bitch follows him everywhere, really. Honey, it’s called a hobby, look into it.

DM: Never get married. Seriously.

DT: Cruise knows a steel cage is nowhere for a woman to be! He’s trying to usher he back out and onto the sidelines.

MN: I can hear Troy’s nails digging into someone’s back, Dave. Nice.

DT: Mercedes pleading her case, but Cameron’s putting his foot down!

DM: Evidently he does wear the pants in the family. Interesting. Family secrets revealed at Black Dawn.

DT: From behind Melton tackles Cruise who collapses on his wife! Mercedes head cracked back against the top turnbuckle. Cruise was right, get her out of there!

MN: What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Let’s get some blood out of her.

DT: Mike! Melton suplexes Cruise into the cage, and Cameron’s body falls outside the ropes! Joey side-stepping Mercedes’ body, bends Cameron back first over the ropes, NECKBREAKER and Cruise shoots head first into the cage!

DM: Melton would raise a notch in my book if he gets Mercedes to count her own husband out. That’d be classic.

DT: You better believe Joey’s thinking along the same lines. Melton grating Cruise’s busted face across the cage like a slab of cheddar cheese. Button drives over Mercedes, BRONCO BUSTER! That’s over the line!

MN: Think of it as therapy for the Cruise marriage. Button’s getting Mercedes worked up then sending her home to Cammy. Even he might be able to close that deal.

DT: Joey and Cotton communicating through hand signals. They’re either about to land the L.A. to New York flight, or…

MN: Beat the crap out of Cruise.

[Melton lays Cameron’s neck over the ropes.]

DT: Joey shoots Cotton across the ring. Melton on all fours, Button in the air, off Joey’s back…OH! Cruise dropped to the mat and Cotton racked himself over the top rope! Cameron with a third wind, or is this the fourth? No matter, Cruise slaps the taste of the kid’s mouth, then dropkicks Melton! Cameron fires Joey into the cage!! Melton bounces head first off the steel cage and catches himself in a comprising position on the top rope! Both Melton and Button hitting the high notes!

DM: Going after a man’s nuts. At least Mercedes has taught him something.

DT: Cruise pumps his fist in the air like Helen Slater in The Legend Of Billie Jean! FAIR IS FAIR! Cruise leaps on the top rope, grabs Button and Joey, DOUBLE SIDE-RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! Modified version at least!

[Cam-ron Cruise! Cam-ron Cruise!]

MN: A mass body of people chanting his name? Yeah, Cruise sold his soul for this one. He’s now officially property of Oz.

DT: Mercedes takes off her left boot, OH! She cracks it over Button’s right eye! Cotton, the Carnival stooge, failing around…

DM: Looks like he’s doing a pee dance.

[There’s a murmur in the crowd as Adrian Evans jumps the railing and frantically begins to climb the cage.]

DT: Mercedes, SHIPWRECK on Cotton Button! Textbook!

[Mrs. Cruise! Mrs. Cruise!]

MN: He’s the bitch of a few Demi-Gods now, that’s for damn sure.

DT: Cameron, has a reeling Melton, SHIPWRECK! It’s over! Cruise, battered, beaten, bloodied, and outmanned but victory is in his hands! And the Garden is with him every step of the way!

DM: Plan B’s back in the picture, Dave.

MN: Damn that midget can scale a cage. Did somebody hang some fruit up there or something?

DT: Cruise, finally sees Evans jumping the cage. Enough is enough, Melton can’t bring a small army to get the job done and call it square.

[Cruise hurriedly climbs the cage with Adrian, meeting him at the top of the cage, Evans tries to get his leg over before Cameron reaches him, but can’t.]

DT: It’s Cruise and Adrian Evans on opposite sides of the fence, literally!

MN: Don’t drop that midget, Cruise! We’ve seen how this plays out before.

DT: Cameron kisses his right hand, cocks, and fires! ADRIAN’S OFF THE CAGE!! GOOGLY MOOGLY!

[The Garden LIFTS the roof off as Adrian Evans is knocked off the cage and is sent spiraling down, his fall broken by the Spanish broadcast table.]

DT: Man overboard! Man overboard!

[CRUISE! CRUISE! CRUISE!]

[Cameron positions himself on top of the cage, carefully.]

MN: I’ve seen fire and rain, but…no...I’ve never seen this.

DM: It’s prom night and Carrie is the homecoming Queen.

DT: Mercedes holding Melton’s legs, Joey’s fighting, all alone, trying like hell to roll out of the way, LEG DROP TO JOEY’S GROIN! Cruise, high-risk again, jumps off…SHOOTING STAR PRESS FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

[Cruise hits Melton then bounces five feet back. The crowd loses their stuff.]

MN: If there’s a Plan D for Melton, I’ll personally devote my life to him.

DM: There’s not.

DT: Cameron, shaken, he may have busted a rib, covers…ONE…..Mercedes counts, TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO……..one more darlin’, THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

[The Garden breaks into a joyous riot as Cruise, in utter disbelief stands, groggy, bloodied, but never better. Mercedes jumps into his waiting arms.]

DT: Cameron Cruise has defeated Joey Melton!

MN: Put that sentence in a time capsule.

DT: Cruise sinks into a corner, has it sunk it yet? It has for Joey Melton. He’s in tears, look at the man!

DM: I thought you were kidding Dave, but he really is sobbing. Wow. A legacy tarnished tonight.

[Melton kicks the ropes, normally a man who can find the bright side in atomic war, Joey will hear nothing from Cotton. It’s over. He lost to Cameron Cruise. Hemmingway took his life from less pain.]

DT: A house mic is slid in under the ring to Cruise, and Cameron gingerly walking to Melton. He’s handing his former partner the mic! Joey Melton as stipulated by the rules of this match has to say he respects Cameron!

MN: He’d just as soon eat glass, or kiss a wookie.

DM: That can be…

MN: Don’t.

DM: Sorry.

DT: Melton and Cruise face-to-face, Cameron hands Melton the mic, he takes it!

MN: Save some of the man’s dignity. Leave him some Cameron!

DT: Joey nods his head, and pats Cruise on the back. If he weren’t shirtless I’d suggest he had a bomb strapped to his chest. Melton asking for the home town crowd to be silent. You know, he can make up for everything, the crap he pulled here tonight and forcing Ryan to strip Cruise of the IC belt, he can save himself if he comes through with one line. Be a man and tell Cruise what he wants to hear, what he DESERVES to hear.

DM: I think Dave has a boner from all of this.

MN: You don’t?

DT: Joey…quiet.

JOEY MELTON: [resigned] Cameron. Tonight you took everything I had to give. You proved me wrong. Cameron, I… [Joey’s mouth moves, but nothing comes out.]

[Melton quizzically looks at the mic. The fans start to BOO, but Joey shrugs helplessly.]

I……CAM….U…….ME…………..TREE…….HAM.. NO.

[Joey again points at the mic as Cruise rolls his eyes.]

DT: You have to be kidding me.

MN: What? The mic doesn’t work. I’m on record before as saying nothing in this company is high-dollar.

DT: Melton motioning to Shannon to bring him a new microphone. Whatever. Just get this thing done, Cruise deserves that much.

[Mike Shannon opens the cage and steps through with a second house mic. As Shannon extends it towards Melton, Joey tosses his mic high in the air at Cruise. Cruise’s eyes follow the mic, and he never sees Cotton plant a kick into his gut]

DT: For Pete’s sake. Cotton drops Cruise, and Melton pounding on Mike Shannon, oh come on the man’s a retiree!

[Joey pushes Shannon’s body out of the way and high tails it out of the cage, Cotton not fair behind. As the pair hit the ring, they’re met with a chorus of boos and scattered trash thrown in their direction.]

DT: That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen the house Mike grew up in.

MN: Bite me Thomas.

DT: Melton taking the low road back up the aisle, to cheat Cruise throughout the match, then at the end. That’s just…

DM: The essence of Joey Melton?

[Cruise hugs Mercedes as he laughs at Melton.]

COTTON BUTTON: [on house mic] You’ll never be Joey Melton! You’re not fit to sail the seven seas, or see the world at his hand! All aboard Jack ass!

[Button throws the mic down and runs to catch up with Melton.]

DT: He speaks too. Great. Cameron Cruise the winner tonight! All the months, hard time on the road putting up with Melton, Cameron gets justice tonight.

DM: There’ll be no living with Cameron after this.

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