DT: This next contest is for the prestigious EPW World Tag Team Titles! The newly crowned tag team champions, the Forsaken, have the ability to be the most dominant tag team champions in Empire Pro Wrestling history. However, there's another very special tag team in this contest, who have done nothing but been dominant since they've returned to the EPW – the Chronic Collizion--

MN: --formerly the Crimson Calling!

DM: How did I know you were going to say that?

MN: Is that a trick question?

DM: Never mind.

DT: Let's get up to ring announcer Tony Fedora for the official introductions.

[SFX: Bell rings.]

TF: Ladies and Gentlemen, this next contest is scheduled for ONE FALL and it is for the EPW World Tag Team Championship!

MN: Hey Tony, Dave already said that!

DT: Cool it, Neels. 

TF: First making their way to the ring at a combined weight of four hundred and thirty-five pounds! They are the EPW Tag Team Champions of the WORLD! Felix Red, The First ... they are the FORSAKEN!! 

[The lights dim as the curtain opens and the tag team champions walk through, title belts over there shoulders. The reaction of the audience is mixed, mostly boos, but the champs hardly notice as they enter the ring and hand the belts to the referee.]

DT: The champs look focused tonight. There opponents are two men who have been on a tear as of late. In fact, they are going against a tag team that beat them in a triple threat tag a couple of months ago, so they need to make sure they're on there A game.

TF: And, there opponents...

[The lights dim once more.] 


TF: Weighing in at seven hundred and thirty-eight pounds ... “The Escape Artist” Erik Black, “the Raging Russian”Ivan Dalkichev ... formerly known as the Crimson Calling, they are the CHRONIC COLLIZION! 

[The sound of a flicking lighter... water bubbling... and obnoxious COUGHING heralds the intro to "10001110101" by Clutch. As the music swings into its first bluesy hard rock riff, "The Raging Russian" Ivan Dalkichev storms onto the stage, downing the last of his bottle of vodka, which he immediately SMASHES on the ground and beats his chest with his fist, roaring to the audience! Slinking through the mist behind him is "The Escape Artist" Erik Black, a plume of smoke escaping his lips and holding up “GEEZER” for the fans to see!]

[The pair come face to face at the top of the ramp, flashing each other thumbs up, and make their way down. Dalkichev strides with Norrisean intensity, heading straight for the ring in a drunken stupor, while Black remains in tow, dancing to the music and playing to the fans.]

[As they come to the ring, the hulking Dalkichev scales the apron, staggering slightly, and steps over the top rope to enter the squared circle. Black slides inside after him, walking around the ring on his knees while pumping up the audience. At the end of their set, Dalkichev drops to his knees in the center of the ring, holding his arms out to his sides. Black takes position behind him and holds his arms up in a V formation. When viewed from straight on, they form a five-pointed shape similar to a cannabis leaf!]

DT: Ladies and Gentlemen, the bell has sounded, the intensity level is at an all time high, and we are ready for this contest! 

DM: You got that right. Ever since Felix Red came to Empire he's talked about running roughshod over the company, and for the most part, he's accomplished everything he's set out to accomplish. 

DT: But, there's been one team that's been on an equally impressive tear, and that's Black and Dalkichev...

DM: Both teams are in the center of the ring, they're jawing at each other. The bell sounds and Erik Black is going to start us off with the First. 

DT: Both men engage in collar-and-elbow tie up, lobbying for position . Black muscles The First into the corner, as the referee steps in to separate the two. Black breaks cleanly. 

MN: I'd have waffled him.

DM: You'd have pissed your pants.

MN: ... or on your mom.

DT: The two meet in the center of the ring again, collar-and-elbow tie up, this time the First gets the advantage, forcing Black into his corner as the referee again calls for a break up. The First obliges, taking the gentlemanly approach, getting the ref's attention as Felix Red clubs Black with an axe handle smash, that has him gasping for air. 

DM: Smart teamwork. These two are real pros and it you can see it every single time they step into the ring together.

DT: The First charges in and connects with a big splash! And Black doubles over! He tags in Red. Who immediately connects with a spinning heel kick! That was impressive!
MN: And, that's why they're the champs. 

DT: Red drops down for the cover but Black kicks out immediately.

DM: They've got a long way to go to keep Black down.

MN: They don't call him the Escape Artist for nothing. This guy has escaped all types of run-ins with the law. I remember, this one time, he was trapped in a building after attempting to rob a bank, all types of armed police were on the outside and--

DM: --Neely. MATCH!

DT: Thank you. Felix Red's got Black on his feet ... he sends him to the ropes, attempts a back body drop that was countered with a kick to the chin ... Erick Black charges in and connects with a vicious clothesline, as Red hits the mat. 

DM: Great counter. Black doesn't get the credit that he deserves for being such a great competitor. 

DT: Black is on his the ground, he's crawling to his corner ... but, Felix Red has him by the foot. He's pulling Black back in the direction of the Forsaken's corner. What is he doing, he's pinned him upside down in there turnbuckle...

DM: Tree of woe, baby. This one can and will rearrange your face permanently. 

MN: How would you know? Is that how you got that ugly mug?

DM: How about I rearrange your mug?

MN[swallows hard]: Then who would bring the comedy?

DM: Hush, Neels.

DT: Felix Red is back, he's being deliberate, he begins to charge-- NO!!
DM: Big Ivan Dalkichev yanked Felix Red from behind with a handful of hair! Red is on the mat screaming in agony as Dalkichev actually has a piece of Felix's hair! 

DT: And, on the opposite side of the ring, Erick Black frees his foot and kicks the First in the face, before unhooking himself off of the turnbuckle! He's up on his feet, he charges a dazed Felix Red ... Dropkick! 

DM: That bought him enough time, he crawls to his corner and tags in Ivan Dalkichev!!! 

DT: Dalkichev is in the ring, so is the First, Chokeslam! Dalkichev drops down for the cover! But, the referee's trying to inform him that Felix Red is the legal man. Speaking of which, where is Felix?

DM: Dave, he's up there...

DT: Felix Red on the top rope ... he's waiting for Ivan to get to his feet ... Felix takes the leap, NO! Dalkichev caught him and turned it into a crushing sidewalk slam! He drops down for the cover! ONE! TWO! Red gets his shoulder up!! Wow what a counter!

MN: The Forsaken will learn the hard way about messing with those Russians. If there freakish size and body odor don't get you, their breath will!

DM: How would you know?

MN: I dated this Russian chick once, and whew was she funky! A great lay, but she smelled like burned rubber! 

DM: ... probably was a dude.

MN[frowns]: That would explain the Adams Ap-- Wait a second! Shut up!!


DT: Back to the action inside of the ring, Red is on his feet, Dalkichev stalks him ... Red's trying to get his legs under him. Dalkichev hooks him into a Verticle Suplex! He covers him again...


... One. 

Two.

Kickout.

DT: Felix Red is very resilient. 

DM: Indeed his is. He's won multiple World Championships in many of the federations he's competed in.

DT: Dalkichev stands over Felix's fallen body ... Red's struggling to get to his feet ... low blow by Felix Red! And, he's FINALLY figured out a way to get the big man off of his feet. Red stumbles to his corner and tags in the First who immediately scales the top rope and connects with a Flying Legdrop! 

DM: He drops down for the cover... ONE! TWO! Dalkichev with a big kickout! 

MN: It's going to take a crane to keep that big man down for the count! 

DT: It really may. The First connects with a couple of kicks to the body! I'm not sure how much damage he's doing, but he's keeping at it. The First runs to the ropes, he bounces off, POWERSLAM! Ivan Dalkichev countered with a bone crushing powerslam! He's on his knees...

MN: Now that's just nasty.

DT: He crawls to his corner ... YES! He tags in Erick Black who is a ball of fire! 

MN: ... or smoke if you catch my drift. 

DT: Black runs into the First and connects with a Tornado DDT! Felix Red enters the ring ... Black nails him with a forearm ... then grabs a handful of hair ... One handed Bulldog!! The First is back up on his feet ... and, Black connects with an Implant DDT! 

DM: WOW! The little man is stepping up in a major way today. Dalkichev enters the ring. He guerrilla presses his partner in the air ... Elevated Fist-Drop and the First may have a broken jaw! 

DT: I think they're going to try to end this thing. Ivan Dalkichev, to the dismay of the referee, has the First on his shoulders ... as Erick Black scales the top. He's hooking him up for the Chronic Crasher! NO! Felix Red with another low blow to Ivan Dalkichev that makes Erick Black stumble as he was trying to hook the First into the maneuver! 

DM: Felix Red is now on his feet, he quickly scales the ropes ... he jumps .... aaaaaannnnnnnnndddd connects! He connects with a 180 Swanton bomb! And Black is out. Red dropkicks Ivan Dalkichev for good measure, as The First crawls over to the body of the Escape Artist for the pin.

DT: ONE! TWO! TTTTHHHHHHRRRREEEEEEE! 


MN: He's no escape artist tonight...

[SFX: The bell sounds.]

TF: The winner of this contest ... aaaannnnnnddddd STILL EPW Tag Team Champions of the WORLD! THE FORSAKEN!!!!

DM: That was a great contest, and even though the Chronic Collizion didn't pull it off, they can be very proud of the performance that they had tonight. 

DT: They sure can. That was a great contest.