Empire Pro Black Dawn 2010

[FADE-IN: BACKSTAGE.

The camera focuses on the always familiar EPW Interview backdrop. Normally, the fans would be privy to the hard-hitting journalistic endeavors of one Kenny Lombardo. And here he is now.]

LOMBARDO: Ladies and gentlemen, my guests joining me at this time are about to wrestle against the team of Anthology for the EPW Tag Team Titles. Please welcome… Alexandria Malone and her charges, the Heirs of Wrestling!

[Walking into the shot… and the camera has to back up quite a bit since Mack Brody is so ****ing jacked, it’s insane… is none other than the Heirs of Wrestling. Alexandria Malone walks into the view first in a stunning red silk blouse and leather hip-hugging pants. Frank Pierce, Ryan Gallway and Mack Brody’s entire upper halves are shown, looking as confident as a trio of rich punkasses could.]

LOMBARDO: Alexandria Malone, based off the great start the Heirs of Wrestling have been hitting, they’ve been awarded this EPW Tag Team Title match. Your thoug…

[The mammoth hand of Mack Brody covers the face of Kenny Lombardo, keeping the interviewer from going any further. Seriously, the mammoth mitt covers his face from the camera view.]

ALEXANDRIA MALONE: So… I’m thinking that your services will no longer be needed here Mr. Lombardo.

FRANK PIERCE: What she means is “kick rocks, motherf*cker. Deuces.

[He makes a peace sign as Ryan Gallway and Mack Brody gesture for the interviewer to make himself scarce. With a heavy sigh, he turns on his heel and vanishes out of sight. Leaving Alexandria with the microphone, she smiles and winks to the camera as she begins what is probably not going to go over well with the Portlandites in attendance.]

ALEXANDRIA MALONE: Let me correct Mr. Lombardo… *I* am now standing here with the soon-to-be next, last, and greatest EPW Tag Team Champions of all-time. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the HEIRS OF WRESTLING!

[The fans can be heard booing echoing all the way through the halls of the Rose Garden. Mack Brody adjusts his faux-hawk and makes the pecs dance to make sure they’re in working order. Ryan Gallway is seen rubbing a hand through a little bit of stubble he let grow out in the last couple of days while Frank Pierce confidently smiles to the camera behind a pair of Aviator sunglasses.]

ALEXANDRIA MALONE: Guys, you’re just moments from mopping the floor with Anthology. Can I get your thoughts?

FRANK PIERCE: You sure can, my darling. See, before we hit the tag team scene here in EPW, you fans were trained to think that mediocrity was awesome. Before us, you were trained to think that groups like Anthology, HOPE, and older teams like The Cameron Cruise Project, Lindsay Troy and Christian Sands, Blitz, the Highland Park Social Club… teams like this made you think that they were legends. Forces that would go down in tag team history as greatness.

RYAN GALLWAY: Imagine. Cameron Cruise as greatness? The guy’s mouth is like the Hatch on LOST. You hear all this talk of something new, exciting and life-altering, but when it’s opened, everybody’s just lost interest in it. Mack, cue me up.

[He clears his throat before delivering a “snap, snap” gesture with his hands.]

FRANK PIERCE: Cruise lost control of his own group and it spiraled into… well, whatever the hell we’re facing here in a couple moments. Copycat is somewhere trying to force-feed his next script down Alaina Troy-Ryan’s throat and Jared Wells and Sean Edmunds have been trying to duck us just like they duck women. We’ve already mopped the floor with what was left of HOPE and Fusenshoff and Michael Bastard got the sh*t kicked out of them for thinking they were going to run right through us.

ALEXANDRIA MALONE: And that’s what brings us to tonight. What’s your strategy going into tonight’s bout?

FRANK PIERCE: Well, some people bought their ticket just to see who’d walk out of here as the EPW World Heavyweight Champion. Others came here to see Fusenshoff and Anarky get the next crack at Shawn Hart. Others came to see the bloodbath that ensued earlier tonight between Bastard and Barry Windham.

RYAN GALLWAY: Who?

FRANK PIERCE: Stalker.

RYAN GALLWAY: Oh.

FRANK PIERCE: While they came here for any of those reasons, they’re going to STAY for what happens next. We’re going to do what HOPE… what Cameron Cruise… what even Dan Ryan Lindsay Troy couldn’t do… take the history of Anthology, take it behind the barn, put two between the eyes, and LIBERATE the EPW Tag Team Titles from those has-beens.

RYAN GALLWAY: You know what? Their moms are so f*cking stupid, they jumped out the window and them *****es fell up!

[Frank Pierce raises an eyebrow towards his cohort while Mack Brody snaps his fingers again.]

ALEXANDRIA MALONE: …What?

RYAN GALLWAY: I’m getting in on this, too. Their moms are all offspring of Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy… bunch of red-headed *****es with yeast infections!

FRANK AND MACK: [simultaneously] Ew.

ALEXANDRIA MALONE: …Ew. Back to ringside… where WE’LL be coming out next!

[With that happy note, the Heirs turn on their heel and walk off, leaving Ryan Gallway to his own devices.]

RYAN GALLWAY: Oh! And their Moms suck the gigantic meat whistle! Yeah…

[BACK TO RINGSIDE.]

EPW World Tag Team Championship
Anthology (c) vs. The Heirs of Wrestling

[FADEIN: The ring where Tony Fatora stands mic in hand ready to announce the next match.]

TF: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL…And it is for the EPW…WORLD…TAG TEAM...CHAMPIONSHIP! [Pop!]

[MUSIC UP: “The Sh!t” by Danger Mouse and Jemini . The mass of humanity known as the Heirs of Wrestling begins to make it way down the ramp. Alexandria Malone in front, wearing a purple top with tight black pants. Ryan Gallway behind her looking like he’s about ready to get into a fight with the fans as he gets in different people’s faces screaming at them. Behind him is Frank Pierce in his eyesore of a robe, blood red with LED’s going off all over it. Bringing up the rear is the monster sized Mack Brody, who seems deeply offended that some of his hair might be out of place, as he fusses over it constantly while checking himself out in a compact mirror.]

TF: Making their way to the ring, led by Alexandria Malone, weighing in at a combined weight 760 pounds…Here are the CHALLENGERS…RYAN GALLWAY! FRANK PIERCE! “MIDAS” MACK BRODY…THE HEIRS OF WRESTLING!!! [Crowd booing, some smarks and anti-Anthology folks cheering.]

DT: The Heirs of Wrestling have made some waves, with big wins over HOPE and Fusenshoff/Bastard this team has earned the right to now fight for the EPW World Tag Team Titles.

DM: This team has had a quick rise to the top here in the EPW Tag Division, the question now is, will they go all the way and capture the gold, or will they crash and burn when they face the champs.

MN: Yeah, they ain’t fighting a couple guys thrown together to give them a match tonight, they are fighting the best in the business in Anthology.

[MUSIC UP: “It Was a Good Day” by Ice Cube. Jared Wells and Sean Edmunds come out from behind the curtain, the two men looking confused. Of the two of them, only Wells has an EPW World Tag Team Title Belt. The two men look a bit confused before they make their way to the ring.]

TF: And their opponents….Weighing in at a combined weight of 743 pounds…They are the EPW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!! JARED WELLS! SEAN STEVENS! COPYCAT! ANNNNNTHOLOGY!! [Crowd boos loudly as Wells and Edmunds hit the ring.]

DT: Well all three men were announced but we don’t see any sign of Copycat here tonight.

DM: I’ve been hearing from people backstage that Copycat was never in the Anthology locker room all day, from the looks of it the Anthology team doesn’t even have both tag belts, this is eerie in how similar it is to the night Anthology won the tag titles, when Felix Red was missing in action and the Forsaken lost the titles.

MN: I’m offended you would even compare a man of such achievements as Copycat to that drug addled nutjob…But this is bad for Wells and Edmunds, what on earth is Copycat doing?

DT: Well he’s not here and we’re about to start this match with the Heirs of Wrestling being a man up.

[Bell rings]

DT: It’s Pierce to start things off for the Heirs and Edmunds for Anthology, Pierce locks up with Edmunds and now backs him into the Heirs corner, all three Heirs now cheap shotting Edmunds as the ref tries to break it up…Wells charges into the ring and now all five men are fighting!

MN: Good to see law and order lasted all of 15 seconds in this match, get some control ref!

DM: Well this had to be the Heirs plan after they saw that Anthology was a man down, while the ref is trying to pull apart Brody and Wells, now Pierce and Gallway have Edmunds trapped in the corner and are just beating the hell out of him with kicks and punches!

DT: The ref now finally getting Brody and Wells out of the ring, Gallway in the ring illegally for the Heirs, but I guess the ref is going to let that slip. Edmunds whipped into the corner…Gallway with a flying clothesline crushes Edmunds into the turnbuckles!

DM: You can sense the Heirs know they have the tag titles within their grasp, they know they have a man advantage with Copycat missing in action, and now they are dealing out a beating on Sean Edmunds.

MN: And the longer this goes the more it benefits the Heirs, they have the numbers, Anthology’s going to have to do something drastic to get momentum back on their side and quick!

DT: Gallway tags in Brody and the powerhouse of the Heirs now in the ring and clubbing away on Edmunds with big forearms across the back…Brody now locks Edmunds in a BEARHUG and is just squeezing the breath out of him!

DM: Tipping the scales over three hundred pounds, Mack Brody is a mountain of a man and right now Sean Edmunds is suffering big time.

DT: Edmunds fires a series of right hands, Brody’s grip is weakening…Edmunds keeps punching…BRODY LIFTS HIM AND DRIVES HIM INTO THE MAT WITH A BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! THE COVER!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: Edmunds gets the shoulder up at two…Brody tags in Pierce and both men put the boots to Edmunds as the ref tries to usher Brody out of the ring. Pierce now grabs Edmunds and sends him into the ropes…Backdrop…NO! Edmunds with a kick to the face and a CLOTHESLINE sends down Pierce…Edmunds now stumbles over, tags in Wells! Wells grabs Pierce and muscles him into the corner, Pierce sent HARD into the corner and gets SHOULDER BLOCKED to the mat! Pierce rolls over to his corner and tags in Gallway, Wells waving him on.

MN: Good start here for Wells, but he’s got to prevent those tags, the Heirs got the number and Edmunds just got pounded in there, Wells has to isolate someone or Anthology’s in a world of trouble.

DM: This is some unusually solid insight from you Neely.

MN: Somebody has to carry this broadcast.

DT: Wells locks up with Gallway and just THROWS him to the ground…Gallway gets up and SLAPS Wells in the face! [“Ohh!”] I guess he has a death wish! WELLS GETS HIM UP…PRESS SLAM!!! Wells standing over Gallway…OH GIVE ME A BREAK! Both Brody and Pierce charge into the ring and attack Wells! Edmunds trying to even the odds…GETS A LOW BLOW FROM GALLWAY! The ref didn’t see that from his trying to get the other two Heirs out of the ring…

DM: The Heirs risking disqualification with these illegal tactics, you wonder how far they will push things to try to win the tag titles.

MN: Well clearly this ref is letting them get away with murder, so I see no reason for them to stop doing what they are doing.

DT: Gallway and Wells the legal men now and the match is finally under control again. Gallway throws a kick to Wells gut, Wells catches it…GETS NAILED WITH THE ENZIGURI! Gallway makes the tag to Brody and now Brody stomping away on Wells.

DM: The Heirs have used some underhanded tactics, but you have to hand it to them, they have controlled this match from the start.

MN: Why do I have to give them any credit at all, they’ve been fighting a 3 on 2 the whole time, Copycat better have a good reason for his actions or I’m officially off his bandwagon!

DT: Brody gets Wells to his feet…DECKS JARED WELLS WITH A BIG BOOT! Wells tags in Pierce who drops a knee on Wells. Wells pulled to his feet and sent to the corner…WELLS EXPLODES OUT WITH A CLOTHESLINE! He has to make the tag to Edmunds…Pierce crawling, tags in Gallway…Wells reaching…NO! Dragged back into the middle of the ring by Gallway!

DM: You can just feel the momentum drain out of Anthology with that failed tag…That may have been the beginning of the end for Anthology…

DT: Gallway now drags Wells over to the corner…He goes up top…GATES OF EUROPA 450 SPLASH! Gallway pops to his feet proud as could be after that CRUSHING splash…

DM: Well maybe he should be worried about making a cover and winning this match.

MN: Oh it’s a done deal Dean…The Heirs are going for style points now.

[The lights go out, the crowd buzzes!]

DT: What in this?!

MN: Oh I always hate this! This is NEVER good!

[After a moment MUSIC UP: “The People We Love” by Bush blasts over the PA. The lights come back on to show Copycat, a dead look in his eyes, standing on the top of the rampway, his EPW World title belt handing from his right hand. Cat’s in his ring gear as he slowly walks towards the ring.]

DT: COPYCAT! COPYCAT IS HERE! Brody charges him…GETS CLOTHESLINED! Pierce tries his luck…NEARLY GETS BEHEADED BY A BIG BOOT! GALLWAY WITH A FLYING PLANCHA TO THE FLOOR…CAUGHT BY COPYCAT…WHO PLANTS HIM INTO THE RINGPOST! Copycat has come out here and he’s gone through the Heirs of Wrestling like a hot knife through butter…Copycat grabbing Pierce…He’s pulling him up the rampway…What is he doing?!

MN: Umm, Cat, glad you could be bothered to show up and all, but the ring is the other way…We got tag titles to defend and all…

DT: Copycat has Pierce…They are near the edge of the stage area….PIERCE IS UP…LITTERBOMB OFF THE STAGE!!! COPYCAT MAY HAVE KILLED HIM!! [Crowd buzzing, yelling, screaming. Copycat stares down at Pierce, completely without emotion.] Copycat now…Walks to the back?! He’s just left! What on earth is he thinking?! What on earth is going on with him?!

DM: Well whatever he’s doing he may have just won the match for Anthology, Gallway is still out on the floor and the ref is counting! We’re up to seven!

EIGHT!!

NINE!!

DT: Alexandria Malone just THREW Gallway back into the ring to save the match!

MN: She’s lucky that runt is the legal Heir, no way she was muscling Brody into the ring…Man the Heirs just got mowed down, we’ve gone from a three on two to a two on one in Anthology’s favor, make the tag Wells, bring the belts home!

DT: Wells...TAGS IN EDMUNDS! Edmunds grabs Gallway…FISHERMAN’S SUPLEX! EDMUNDS WITH A BRIDGE!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

THR—NO!!!!

DT: Gallway JUST got the shoulder up in time…Edmunds grabs him and sends him to the ropes…GALLWAY OFF THE ROPES WITH A FLYING FOREARM! EDMUNDS SIDESTEPS! OH GALLWAY CLIPPED THE REF!

MN: Bah, these stupid zebras always getting in the way…You would think they would be trained to avoid stuff like this happening!

DT: Edmund turns and looks at the fallen official…WAIT A SECOND…A FAN JUST JUMPED THE RAILING! HE GRABS WELLS AND PULLS HIM OFF THE APRON!!

DM: That’s not a fan! That’s Cameron Cruise!

DT: You’re right Dean! Wells BASHED into the steps…They are coming this way! Wells face first off the table! Cruise grabs a chair…He hangs an unfolded steel chair around Wells neck…REALITY CHECK ONTO THE UNFOLDED CHAIR!!! OHHH…That made me shudder…Cruise could have broken Wells jaw with that move!

MN: Jaw!? He could have broken his friggin’ neck! Cruise is a basket case, he should be barred from the World Title match, in that frame of mind, he could try to kill Stevens! He’s a menace to this whole company.

DT: I think he heard you Neely!
[Cruise stalks over to the broadcasters and rips Neely’s monitor off the table, he glares at Neely.]

DT: Cameron…Don’t do this…Don’t!

[Suddenly Cruise turns around, as Edmunds has just saw what Cruise has done and is now leaning through the ropes, yelling at him.]

DT: OH MY GOODNESS…CRUISE JUST BASHED EDMUNDS HEAD IN WITH THAT MONITOR! EDMUNDS IS OUT!!! Cruise standing there, surveying the carnage he’s caused…And now he’s leaving through the crowd [Crowd buzzing, a ‘Cruise’ chant breaks out.] We already have EMT’s looking over Frank Pierce, but now we need help for Jared Wells…

DM: We might need help for Edmunds too…This match is like the scene after a car crash!

DT: Gallway drapes an arm over Edmunds…Oh come on…Is the ref really going to count this?!

ONE!!!

TWO!!!

THREE!!!

[Bell rings, crowd boo’ing loudly! MUSIC UP: “The Sh!t” by Danger Mouse and Jemini.]

TF: The winners of this bout…AND NEW [Boos!] EPW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!! THE HEIRS OF WRESTLING!!!

[Alexandria Malone grabs one tag belt from the time keeper and then gathers the other belt Copycat dropped on his way to the ring. Mack Brody gets to his feet and starts walking towards where EMT’s are working on Frank Pierce, Gallway rolls out of the ring and follows behind him.]

DT: This match…I can’t even say the Heirs won it so much as survived it…We have EMT’s and trainers looking over Pierce, Edmunds, and Wells…This wasn’t a match, this was a war zone…

MN: Yeah, say what you will, the Heirs of Wrestling are three for three and they got the gold, that’s all that matters in the long run…

DM: We’ve seen the turmoil and chaos in the back with the implosion of HOPE, but with Copycat’s apparent refusal to work with Edmunds and Wells…And the brutal attack on Wells by Cruise…Are we seeing the end of Anthology as well?!

DT: Black Dawn has seen a great deal of history made, and well, I’m sure we’ll have more coming soon.

MN: I hope not, I’m all historied out at this point!