[CUTTO: The broadcast location. Neely thrusts his arms out anxiously.]

MN: We're back! 

DT: Very astute, Neely.

MN: Well, thank you very much!

DT: That was sarcasm.

DM: Clearly sarcasm, Mike.

MN: ...oh. Well, you’re just mad that I’m getting one of those t-shirts for free and you’re not, because they’re freakin’ awesome and you’re stoooo-peeeed.

DM: [eyebrows raised] You’re getting a free t-shirt?

MN: [shoulders slump] Actually, no.

DM: HA!! Dork.

DT: Ok guys……Kenny Lombardo is backstage where, we are told, he is awaiting the arrival of a performer who's EPW future is in question. Kenny? 

[CUTTO: Just outside the arena, young Kenny Lombardo stands poised and prepared. He nods his head attentively and gestures behind him after quickly checking his watch.]

KL: Thanks, Dave. At any moment, he will arrive. 

[A moment passes. Still nothing behind Kenny.]

KL: Word has it that for the first time in over 2 months he is medically cleared to wrestle, cleared to compete in an Empire Pro ring. He is, however, not booked to WRESTLE tonight at Russian Roulette 2007. He is Ice Tre ... and his contract will expire tonight. Unless... 

[Finally, a stretch white Escalade glides into view. The front license plate reads: "T R E".]

KL: This has to be him!

[The driver hops out and promptly opens the passenger door. No smoke rolls out. No array of breath-taking beauties staggers from the mammoth luxury conveyance. Just Ice Tre. He adjusts his junk with a smirk as Lombardo approaches. Dressed in a stark-white genuine immitation mink fur coat, a white doo-rag beneath a black, lint-free fedora, and his ever present massive layer of chains around his neck, Tre slams the door behind him with much fanfare. He barely acknowledges Lombardo when he reaches his side.] 

KL: Ice Tre! Tonight ... is the night! Russian Roulette; the Ultimate Gamble! Will you live to see another day here in EPW? Have you or your representation made ANY ground on your contract negotiations? Anything at all to report? 

[Tre adjusts his fedora with what HAS to be a touch of style.]

ICE TRE: 'Anything to report?' You fo' real? I gotst a HUGE scoop, 'Bardo! I got the scoop of the century! I'm gonna break some SICK news right-about-now. Err'body talkin' 'bout Ice tre. Half the fans're wonderin' if The Tre gon' be resigned by Dan Ryan ... or Irish Red ... or Anarky ... or Beast. The OTHER half is wonderin' who the hell is RUNNIN' thangs in this piece! ... Speculation is off the HOOK in HOT-lanta! 

[Cheap pop that Tre takes a bath in.]

ICE TRE: Well, allow me -- Ice Tre - above all others - your sisters AND your brothers -- to drop this pearl of knowledge on the world. I came here tonight WITHOUT my representation. I came here tonight WITHOUT my entourage. WITHOUT my peoplez. Never scared, never 'fraid. I came here tonight to DEMAND a contract extension. To DEMAND the respect that I have undoubtedly EARNiFIED from my peers AND the fans in Empire Pro. 'Bardo, let me axe you a question. 

KL: Please do.

ICE TRE: When was the last time you got some ASS?

[Kenny instantly blushed over, eyes darting around nervously.]

KL: I, uh ...

ICE TRE: STOP! It don't mean SH_T!. And neither does my contract. The Ice Age will live on, no matter WHAT. But the fact remains that the EPW Suits are CLAMORIN' for Ice Tre -- period, point BLANK. They KNOWZ what I mean for this sport, for the INDUSTRY. You tappin' some booty ain't worth a DAMN, Kenneth. Nobody out there cares if you be slappin' some skinz! 

[Fans in attendance laugh loud enough for the vibration to reach them at the door. Kenny winces with disappointment. Tre snickers.]

ICE TRE: But EPW cares about Ice Tre!

[Crowd erupts.]

ICE TRE: And ... dammit, I care about EPW! I *care* about humiliating losers like Adam Benjamin. I *care* about makin' and breakin' every EPW telecast ... about showin' up the competition. 

[Tre steps towards the camera, top lip curled awkwardly.]

ICE TRE: I CARE about PUNKING *****es. *****es like ... Sean Stevenz!

[The fans boo at the mention of Triple X's given name.]

KL: Now, can I ask YOU another question? 'Triple X' Sean Stevens has a high-profile match for the EPW World Heavyweight Championship against the defending Joey Melton and the former champion, Lindsay Troy, TONIGHT. Clearly your sights are set on Stevens. Do you plan on making you prescence known during tonight's Main Event? 

[Tre couldn't harness the smile spreading across his unfortunate face.]

ICE TRE: 'Plan'? Damn, 'Bardo. Don't you know?

[Kenny shook his head, confused.]

ICE TRE: You better AXE somebody! Ice Tre Don't Plan For Sh_t! 

[Fans cheer as Tre slaps Kenny on the back.]

ICE TRE: Now if you'll excuse me? I got a contract to extend.

[Tre pressed past Lombardo and stomped inside, leaving Kenny looking nervous.]

DT: Well that was basically pointless. We still don’t know what’s gonna happen with Ice Tre just yet….but we do have another match.

DM: I’m curious who this mystery opponent could be. I’ve heard absolutely nothing all week.

MN: Oh yeah? You’re mother heard absolutely nothing when……

DM: What??

MN: Nothing.

DM: Oh right. Idiot.

DT: [chuckling] Let’s go up to the ring!!

[“Headstrong” by Trapt hits the PA. The crowd lets out a MIXED reaction as the spotlights come to the stage. Tony Fatora stands waiting in the ring with the mic in hand.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following even is a Triple-Threat match set for one fall. Introducing first… hailing from Jacksonville, North Carolina… weighing in at 249 pounds… he is the FORMER EPW Tag Team Champion… he is… CAAAAAMMEERRROOOONNN CRRRRUUUIIIISSSEE!!!!

[Cruise steps out onto the stage and poses for the fans as his wife Mercedes appears behind him. The two stride to the ring, carrying themselves with pride.]

DT: Cameron Cruise has long been a staple to Empire Pro, and tonight, he gives the formal greeting to a pair of new talents.

MN: Bah… Melton carried this guy every step of the way. Worse yet, he RUINED the Cameron Cruise Project’s reign over the tag division! Now we got Commies, and Goths, and ex-Commies… it’s like the tag division has become a freakin’ CIRCUS!

DM: I hardly hold this guy responsible for the dissolution of the legendary tag team known as the Cameron Cruise Project… but you do have to wonder, why is Melton headlining this Pay Per View and Cruise entertaining a couple of newcomers?

MN: Do you really have to ask?

[Cruise slides into the ring and climbs a turnbuckle, striking another pose. A moment later, “Stone Cold Crazy” hits the PA. The crowd begins to CHEER fanatically, many of whom recognizing the entering competitor for his work outside of the fed.]

TF: And the opponent… from Staten Island, New York… weighing in at 235 pounds… tonight, he makes his EMPIRE PRO WRESTLING debut… HERE IS… SSIIIIIIMMPLYYYYYYYY BEEEAAAUUUTTIFUUUUULLL!!!

[Simply Beautiful hits the stage and plays up to the fans, earning a decent pop! Women SWOON over his looks as he comes to the ring, looking pumped and ready for action.]

DT: Simply Beautiful makes his debut tonight… and he’s already been turning heads in other places. It’d be an understatement to say that this is a very highly-anticipated talent coming into the Empire Pro family.

MN: I hate this guy already. All I have to do is look at him. Look at how smug and pompous he is…

DM: That isn’t smug you’re seeing, Mike; it’s a guy who’s better looking at you. There’s about a million of them in the world. No, make that BILLIONS!

DT: I feel it should be important to note that Simply Beautiful is not the only man debuting in this match… but even WE don’t know who the mystery entrant in this triple threat match is, and… wait a minute, what’s this?

[The arena lights suddenly go BLACK! The crowd reacts in a chaotic frenzy!]

MN: What the hell is going on now? A power outage?

DM: Is this part of an entrance?

DT: This seems a tad unusual… wait, ladies and gentlemen, I’m being told there are some technical difficulties, and… wait a minute, we have a camera in the back right now, let’s see what’s up.

[The Empire-Tron, the sole source of illumination in the arena, lights up. Inside the boiler room, we see four men. One of them is a cop. The second, near the switch-board to the arena power unit, is a certified electrician. The other two, one young and the other aged in years, wear simply gray suits. The crowd suddenly CHEERS as Dan Ryan, flanked by two security guards, enters the frame.]

Ryan: Just what the HELL is going on here?! There’s a show going on, damnit!

[The two men in suits quickly pull out their wallets and reveal themselves to be the CIA.]

Lancaster: Agent Reginald Lancaster, and this is my partner, Agent Simmons… we’re with the Central Intelligence Agency. We’re shutting down this operation in light of a threat to national security.

Ryan: A threat to WHAT?! Listen, amigo… this is a LIVE, PAY PER VIEW EVENT. I’ve got over a thousand people in those seats and millions more watching at home. Under whose authority are you barging in here and cutting the power?

Simmons: Homeland security, *****.

Ryan: Homeland security, my ass. Just what is the problem here?

Lancaster: I’ll give it to you in brief: about a month ago, our satellites caught notice of a suspicious object that left the coast of Japan. It left the entire city of Osaka in chaos and ruin. We’ve followed its movement over the past few weeks, and it’s traversed its way across the Pacific Ocean, over Panama, and suddenly made a beeline for the states. 

Ryan: And?

Simmons: We made a few estimates judging its overall speed… and realized that it would be coming to this city at this time. Seeing as how this is the biggest convergence of people, we have reason to believe it will make its presence known tonight.

Lancaster: I’m not letting these people become the victim over whatever the hell it was that nearly destroyed Osaka. This could be an act of terrorism… or even worse! You’ve got fifteen minutes to evacuate everybody from the premises.

Ryan: Are you CRAZY?! Do you have any idea how much money is being funneled into this thing! Canceling this show would cause the company to fold!

Lancaster: That’s not my concern. Lives are at stake.

[One of the security guard’s walkie-talkies suddenly crackles to life.]

VOX: “Sir, something just made its way into the building! It’s headed for the ring right now!”

“…Jesus Christ, it’s HUGE!!”

“…no wait, where are you going?! STAY BACK!! NO!!”

[We hear a blood-curdling scream on the other end.]

Lancaster: Damnit, we’re too late! Quickly, Simmons! We must intercept the target!

[The CIA Agents gesture for the cop to follow and head out of the power supply room. The camera is about to follow when it catches sight of Dan Ryan’s massive fist grabbing the electrician by the collar and pulling him within an inch of his grimacing face.]

Ryan: You… GET… THAT… THING… BACK… ON… LINE!

[The camera turns and follows the Agents down the hallway. In the distance, they take a turn and approach a T in the corridor where there is a sign on the wall that reads “Entry-Way”, and an arrow pointing to the left. They turn in the other direction, and the three of them pale in unison. The camera slides in behind them, but can’t get a clear view of what lies beyond their shoulders.]

Lancaster: YOU!! STOP!!

[In an instant, the CIA Agents and their escort and BOWLED out of the way as though a Mack truck had just run them over! The camera is sent sprawling to floor, looking up at the fluorescent lights in the ceiling. Passing by the lens is a single image of the unstoppable force that just knocked it aside…]

[…HORNS!!]

[Cut to static.]

[Back at ringside, the lights come up again. The two competitors in the ring, patiently leaning against the ropes, now come to a ready posture and face the entry-way.]

DT: Well, it looks like the Owner Dan Ryan has finally got the show back on the road… but what is about to come out of that entry-way?

MN: IT ISN’T HUMAN! WE’RE ALL DOOMED! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

[Mike falls out of his seat and peeks meekly over the commentary table. The lights in the arena dim except for a spotlight on the stage… flanked by gold lights…]

[And then… BONG!!]

[Faces are immediately melted off as the cutting-edge riffs of the Metal God, Yngwie Malmsteen, signal the intro for a familiar tune of DOMINATION! The good half the crowd INSTANTLY pops to its feet and cheers as if JOHN LENNON had ****in’ risen from the dead and reunited with the mother****in’ Beatles! “I Am A Viking” hits the PA and the arena TREMORS as an enormous, horned silhouette appears in the entry-way like a skulking beast!]

DT: Oh…

DM: My…

MN: WALKEN!!

And the opponent… hailing from St. John’s, Newfoundland, Canada! Weighing in at 311 pounds… HERE IS…

“THE BUTT DOMINATOR”

OOOLLLVVIIIRRR AAAARRRRSSVIIINNNAAARRR!!!

[EXPLOSIVE PYRO! goes off on the stage like the end of a Tera Patrick video! Stepping out onto the stage amid a WAVE of cheers is the 6’7 behemoth of ripped muscle, hair, sweat, and wolf-hide that is OLVIR ARSVINNAR! The camera closes in, literally SWAMPED in his overwhelming Viking manliness! His pectorals look as though they can only be cut by diamond! His long blonde beard would make the legendary Sampson jealous! The heavy battle-axe in his arms looks like it could cut through steel walls! And the horns on his mighty helmet stand TALL and ERECT like… well, use your imagination.]

[Practically seething with energy, the titanic Norseman valiantly makes his way to the ring, occasionally stopping so that nearby fans can touch his impervious biceps!]

DT: My God… Olvir Arsvinnar is HERE in Empire Pro!

MN: …who?

DM: He was big in the Las Vegas scene, Mike. I’m surprised you’re not aware of that since you’re there nearly every other weekend…

MN: So I’m in the hole a couple grand… I’ll dig myself out. So what, is this guy a Viking? Didn’t EPW already see that with Hans the Incontinent Viking?

DT: Well, technically, I think Arsvinnar’s a Viking PORNSTAR!

MN: Oh, THAT guy!

DM: Now he recognizes him… after you mention the porn.

[Olvir graces the ringside area, mounting himself to the apron, and stepping over the entire set of ropes as he enters. He immediately goes to the turnbuckle and rises to the second rope, raising his battle-axe HIGH into the air and taking a hearty swig of his mighty MEAD HORN, and lets out a bellowing ROAR that nearly deafens the crowd in all of its manly mightiness!]

DM: This guy is the living embodiment of a Ronnie James Dio song.

[As his music ends, Olvir sets aside the axe, horn, wolf-hide shawl, and his proud helmet. He spends a few more moments flexing for the audience… and turns to his opponents, where he proceeds to TAUNT them with a big showing of his bulging muscles!]

DT: I doubt either of these guys saw this coming.

MN: Neither did I. I nearly crapped my pants back there…

DM: Judging by the smell, I’d say that you DID crap your pants.

DT: No, that’s just the aftershave.

MN: You know what? **** YOU GUYS!!

[The ref makes his final checks on all three individuals… the crowd has begun an “OLVIR! OLVIR!” chant! With everything in place, the ref cues the bell, and the match begins!]

DT: The referee rings the bell… and Cameron Cruise starts things off by making a beeline for Olvir Arsvinnar, and meets him with a running DROPKICK to the chest! Err… that went nowhere.

DM: It was like he jumped into a brick wall! Olvir hardly looks phased from that blow, and Cruise is left on the mat, where Olvir lands a BIG STOMP to the sternum!

DT: Here comes Simply Beautiful to join the action… grabbing Olvir around the waist, but Arsvinnar delivers a back elbow to his face to keep him at back! Olvir with the advantage… turns around, and scoops up the stunned Simply Beautiful and puts him on his BACK with a Scoop Slam!

DM: Cameron Cruise back on his feet… he hits the ropes for a bit of leverage this time, and comes at Olvir with a clothesline—but Olvir CATCHES him by the arm and SLAMS HIM with a Sambo Suplex!

DT: The Viking Pornstar is making a very dominant debut.

MN: “Domination” is practically this guy’s middle name.

DT: Olvir lifts Cruise off the mat while SB keeps his distance…

DM: Smart thinking. Let the big juggernaut do the work for you, and as soon as he’s exhausted, jump on your chance to take him down.

DT: Arsvinnar takes Cruise by the arm, and there’s the whip to the ropes… Cruise returns, and gets PASTED to the mat with a DEVASTATING Powerslam! Olvir hooks the leg for the cover!

One… Two… and Simply Beautiful quickly breaks it up with a boot to the back of the big man’s head!

MN: You can only sit back and watch for so long, the way Olvir’s wiping the floor with Cammy’s face…

DT: SB keep the pressure on Olvir with a series of punches to the head as he brings the Norseman to his feet… there’s the front-face lock… follows through with a SWINGING NECKBREAKER that puts Arsvinnar to the mat!

[The crowd BOOS!]

DM: The fans didn’t seem to like that… I think they were pumped to see Olvir squash the competition.

DT: Simply Beautiful’s letting them know that he isn’t going to let HIS debut be overshadowed! He quickly hits the ropes… an ELBOW DROP to the sternum leaves Olvir groaning! And now he goes to Cameron Cruise, who is back on his feet! SB with a sidekick—but Cruise catches him by the foot…

DM: And Simply Beautiful follows through with a SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL Enziguri!

MN: That allusion was simply bone-headed, Dean.

DM: The quivering of your hair plugs tells a different story, Mike.

DT: SB takes ahold of Cameron Cruise around the waist before he can rise off the mat… hoists him over… and NAILS HIM with a Gutwrench Backbreaker! He quickly makes the cover!

One… two… WHOA!!

DM: Olvir just YANKED SB off of Cruise… and now he brings him to his feet and takes him by the neck… LIFTS HIM UP… and drives him DOWN with the Two-Handed Chokeslam!

Crowd: “OLVIR!! OLVIR!! OLVIR!!”

[Olvir goes to the ropes and ROARS, getting a HUGE pop from the crowd!]

DM: This guy really knows how to work a crowd… perhaps a little more than he knows how to work an opponent!

DT: Olvir better focus back on the competition, as Cameron Cruise is back on his feet and sneaking up on him from behind… and he goes for the LOW BLOW!!

MN: OOH—uh, wait?

DM: It hardly PHASED him!

MN: That guy’s got balls of steel!

DT: Olvir turns around, and takes Cameron Cruise by the hair… but Cruise fights back with a SHOT to the face, and Olvir staggers into the corner… Cruise turns around, and SB, back on his feet, hits the ropes and LEVELS HIM with a Flying Lariat!

MN: Where did HE come from!?

DM: Simply Beautiful is showing an awful lot of gusto here in his debut! Olvir may be getting the crowd on his side, but SB is really showing some chops in the ring! He brings Cruise back to his feet… takes him by the arm, and there’s the Irish whip into Olvir in the corner—

DT: But Olvir comes ROARING out with a clothesline that nearly DECAPITATES Cameron Cruise!

MN: Damn… Cameron’s getting his ASS kicked in there! Has he been boozing for the past month, or something?

DT: SB coming after Olvir… Arsvinnar goes for the BIG BOOT—but SB DUCKS, jumps to the ropes… and NAILS an unsuspecting Olvir with a Springboard Elbow!

DM: WOW!! Simply Beautiful took the big berserker down with that one!

Crowd: “ESS BEE!! ESS BEE!! ESS BEE!!”

DT: Simply Beautiful, gaining the favor of the crowd as he takes control of the squared circle… Olvir Arsvinnar makes it to his knees, but SB is on top of him… there’s the leg-scissor head-lock… lifts him upside-down, and HAMMERS the big man with a Piledriver!

DM: There’s the cover!

DT: ONE…

TWO…

NO!! Cameron Cruise with a jumping fistdrop over the head of SB, knocking him off of the prone body of Olvir… and now CRUISE makes the cover!

ONE!!

MN: WHOA!!

DT: And Olvir PRESSES him off like he was nothing!

DM: All three men on their feet… and a THREE-WAY brawl has broken out! It’s Olvir on Cruise… Cruise on SB… SB back on Olvir, and switching back to Cruise!

MN: Looks like Sasquatch is getting the upper hand…

DT: Olvir Arsvinnar, his STRENGTH on display, knocking the skulls of Simply Beautiful and Cameron Cruises… and he takes the both of them by the hair, and smashes them together with a DOUBLE-WHAMMIE that knocks them into next Tuesday!

DM: SB hits the mat… and Olvir grabs CRUISE before he can topple over! Arsvinnar presses him UP with a Military Press!

DT: And the Viking Pornstar proceeds to PUMP HIM UP for the audience! This crowd is LIVID!!

Crowd: “OLVIR!! OLVIR!! OLVIR!!”

DT: Olvir TOSSES Cruise off, and he comes down onto SB—but Simply Beautiful ROLLS out of the way at the last moment! Cruise fell face-first on that mat, and he looks to be in bad shape!

DM: Simply Beautiful springs to his feet and comes at Olvir… Arsvinnar going for a back-body drop, but SB LEAPFROGS to the other set of ropes… SB comes back, and Olvir catches him for a SPINEBUSTER—but SB COUNTERS with a Tornado DDT!!

DT: SB up in an instant… he goes to the corner… WOW!! What a TRIPLE-JUMP MOONSAULT that just NAILED Olvir across the chest! He goes for the cover…

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE—OH NO!! Olvir kicks out!

Crowd: “ESS-BEE!! ESS-BEE!! ESS-BEE!!”

DM: He’s winning this crowd over! And he might even have what it takes to defeat Olvir Arsvinnar and ruin his debut!

DT: Simply Beautiful is back up and ready for more… and now he’s going to the prone body of Cameron Cruise… and he takes him by the legs… and he’s going for the ITALIAN DEATHLOCK!!

DM: If he sinks this in, this one will be over!

MN: Is he going to have time?

DT: SB has Cruise’s legs wrapped around, and now he’s trying to get him over, but Cruise is putting up quite a fight… and Olvir’s back on his feet!

DM: Too late!

DT: Olvir Arsvinnar NAILS SB with a running Yakuza Kick and breaks the hold before he could get it in place… that kick looked like it might have ruined some of SB’s charming good looks!

DM: Arsvinnar brings him off the mat and takes him by the hair… and just DUMPS him to the outside of the ring!

DT: The reputed Butt-Dominator has the weakened Cameron Cruise alone in the ring! Now he’s getting him to his feet…

DM: Cruise can hardly carry himself! He’s a dead man walking! Olvir has him up, and Cruise goes for a sloppy right hook that the Viking ducks and spins him around…

DT: Olvir has Cruise from behind… bends him over, and reaches around his legs… Pump-Handles him over his shoulder—AND BLASTS HIM with a MASSIVE Front-Face Powerbomb!!

MN: What the hell was THAT?!

DM: A Berzerker-Bomb, if I had to give it a name!

DT: Cruise is OUT like a light! Olvir makes the cover! This has gotta be it…


ONE!!



TWO!!


THREE—OH NO, wait a minute! Mercedes Cruise just reached into the ring and yanked on the referee’s foot, interrupting the count!

DM: Uh-oh… Olvir bolting to his feet, and now he sees her!

MN: He’s got a funny look in his eye! If there’s one thing Viking’s like, it’s weak, defenseless women!

DT: Mercedes Cruise better start RUNNING! Olvir’s going to the outside… and now he’s CHASING Mercedes Cruise around the ring!

DM: Olvir’s gonna dominate that butt if she doesn’t run fast enough!

DT: Mercedes runs up the ramp and through the entry-way, and Olvir follows, grabs his helmet and axe on the way… where the HELL is he going?!

[The camera focuses on the entry-way as the Viking disappears on the stage.]

DT: …is he coming back?

DM: I don’t know, but back to the ring…

DT: Simply Beautiful is taking full advantage of Olvir Arsvinnar being away from the ring… now he’s climbing up to the apron… and up to the top rope! Cameron Cruise is still laid out, unconscious!

DM: Here we go! He’s set up!

DT: SB OFF THE TOP ROPE with the NEW YORK NIGHTMARE—he NAILED it!!

MN: DAMN!! Talk about a rough night for Cameron Cruise… gets his ass handed to him, and his wife is likely getting her ass virginity broken in as we speak.

DM: I wouldn’t be surprised if Melton got to it first.

DT: Simply Beautiful makes the cover…



ONE!!




TWO!!



THREE!! IT’S OVER!!

[The bell RINGS three times as Simply Beautiful rolls off of Cameron Cruise, breathing heavily. The referee helps him to his feet and raises his arm in victory as “Stone Cold Crazy” hits the PA. The crowd is chanting his name once again: “ESS-BEE!! ESS-BEE!!”]

DT: What a victory for Simply Beautiful! What a DEBUT!!

DM: I gotta say… when Olvir came out, I thought the big Viking was going to steal the show. But, he went to pursue his own interests, and Simply Beautiful comes out of Russian Roulette looking… well, go ahead and say it, Dave.

DT: “Simply beautiful,” yeah, I know.

MN: Your puns are about as witty as George W cracking a gangbanger joke at the NAACP convention.

DT: An amazing turn of events we’ve just witnessed… Simply Beautiful has made an impressive debut… “The Butt Dominator” Olvir Arsvinnar, HERE in Empire Pro… and we’ve still got one hell of a show lined up after this!

MN: If this keeps up, I just MAY crap my pants!

DM: Anything to overshadow the smell that already surrounds you, Mike.

MN: *******it, Dean, one of these days, I swear to Walken, I’m going to shove my FIST up your ass, and—

DM: Wait, wait… don’t go any further than that, please. I would rather not hear about your man-on-man fantasies that include you and I…

DT: …I would.

[Both Mike and Dean quickly LOOK at Dave, who innocently looks forward, reorganizing his information cards, and we cut out.]