MN: I just love Mystery Opponents, don't you guys?

DM: What are you on about now, Neely?

MN: I mean, they're just so mysterious. You never know what you're going to get. And we got HORNS!!

DM: Wow.

MN: What??

DM: Sometimes when you speak, that’s all I can think of to say.

DT: Well, we have to keep moving forward! Up next, we get to revisit a feud from back in EPW's early days, as Troy Douglas and Beast are going to collide right here at Russian Roulette!

MN: YES! Megatron and Optimus Prime! Another battle between GIANT F[FCC]ING ROBOTS!

DM: Um, Neely, this is wrestling, not the movies.

DT: Troy Douglas...

MN: Megatron!

DT: ... is jacked up for this match, guys. He's never been able to get one over on Beast...

MN: Prime!

DT: *sigh*... in EPW, and he feels this is his night! Let's see if he can indeed conquer that mountain here tonight!

The arena lights drop to black and the piano of Van Halen's "Right Now" begins to play. White lights begin to flash all over the arena.

FATORA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, hailing from Greensboro, North Carolina... standing six-foot-five and weighing in at 260 pounds... he is... TROOOOOYYYYYYYYYYY DOUGLAAAAAAAAAS!!!!

As the rest of Van Halen joins the piano, fireworks go off on the entrance ramp, and the lights come up and the crowd pops as Douglas emerges through the curtain, saluting the crowd as he walks purposefully towards the ring.

MN: Megatron, TERRORIZE!!

DT: Folks, this match is so important to Douglas on all kinds of levels. He's never pinned Beast, even though they've met several times in the ring over the years. Douglas wants to make this an epic battle, to have the World Championship match they never really got a chance to have, but most importantly, Douglas wants to come out on top and get that 285 pound Canadian monkey named Beast off his back.

Douglas reaches the ring, and and after entering, his music fades out.

TF: And, his opponent...

The sound of monks chanting fills the arena, and the crowd lets out a huge pop. 

TF: From Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, he stands six-foot-six, and weighs 285 pounds... he is... BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAST!!

The chanting fades into the opening guitar harmonics of Saliva's "Ladies and Gentlemen" ringing througout the arena as fog drifts across the stage. Then, as the entire band punches in, a huge red and white pyro explosion goes off at center stage. Beast steps through the fog and smoke and stands at center stage for a few moments, soaking in the crowd's cheers, before heading down the ramp.

MN: Oooooh, new music and entrance for Big Loafy.

DT: Indeed, Neely, and Beast has quite a different outlook on this match and the past history than Douglas does, and he figures it's going to be the difference in this match. Beast certainly downplayed Douglas' hype of their World Title encounter a few years ago, and regretted Dan Ryan sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. However, Beast simply claimed he had a secret weapon, and that while Douglas was counting on things to be an epic deal, to Beast it was just another match, and another challenger to defeat. Beast was going to take Troy's moment in the sun and crush it to bits. *That's* how intense these two guys are. Your thoughts, Dean?

DM: Everyone knows that both of these men have the skills to beat anyone on any given night, but right here in this match, I've got to call give the advantage to Beast. He's got a slight power edge over Douglas, but the big thing is he's got a huge mental edge, with Troy having this big Beast-sized chip on his shoulder. The fact he's never beaten Beast in countless occasions has to be weighing on him. But that's just my opinion. We'll see how this turns out. Dougas has the ability - he just needs to pull it all together.

Beast is in the ring, and the official is giving out his final instructions before backing each man into their respective corner, and then calls for the bell, and Beast and Douglas start circling each other.

DT: There's a lock up, and Douglas is trying to power Beast back to the corner, but the former World Champion is going to have nothing to do with it.

DM: Beast has got 20 pounds on Douglas and renowned power, so I don't think this is going to go anywhere.,

And Dean's right. Just a couple seconds later, Douglas breaks the hold, and both men eye each other up as the crowd starts to buzz.

DM: You have to think that both men are waiting for the other to make a mistake in this one. I just don't know when that's going to happen. Both men are top notch in this business.

DT: Both men move in to lock up again, and this time Beast grabs Douglas in a head lock. Douglas fights his way through it, and sends Beast off to the ropes. Beast rebounds and lays into Douglas with a shoulder block, but Douglas doesn't go down! He staggers back, and Beast hits the ropes one more time. Rebound, and Douglas ducks a NASTY looking clothesline attempt! Boot to the guts by Douglas, and he looks for a neckbreaker, but Beast gets the arms up and pulls Douglas over into a backslide pin!

1...

2...

Kickout!

Both men get to their feet, and Beast lands a right hand. A second right hand! A third rocks Douglas, and Beast grabs him and fires him to the corner. Beast follows him in...

DT: Big knee to the face by Douglas! Beast grabs his mouth and staggers out of the corner, and here comes Douglas! Forearm to the face.... BIG DDT and Beast is down!

MN: Take his head off!

DT: Douglas stays on Beast and pulls him to his feet. VERTICAL SUPLEX and Douglas takes Beast over hard! Douglas pulls Beast up one more time, hooks in the arm, and hoists him up again! Douglas is HOLDING Beast up in the air! That's damned near 300 pounds up in that stalling suplex! 

DM: Douglas is sending a message to Beast that he can play the power game too, Dave!

DT: Douglas has Beast up.... and DOWN hard to the mat!

Beast hits the canvas hard, and bounces up, holding his back. Douglas drives a couple boots into Beast's back, before pulling him up.

DT: Whip to the ropes by Douglas, and he drops his head down for a back body drop, but it's too soon and Beast catches him with a wicked boot to the chest! Douglas staggers back, and there's one of those trademark clotheslines from Beast! Douglas is down! Beast pulls Douglas to his feet and shoves him back into the corner, where Beast starts unloading with the chops!

CRACK!

Crowd: WHOOOOOO!

CRACK!

Crowd: WHOOOOOO!

CRACK!

Crowd: WHOOOOOO!

CRACK!

Crowd: WHOOOOOO!

DT: Beast now fires Douglas across the ring to the far corner, and here comes Beast.... HUGE running clothesline into the corner! Douglas' legs are wobbling a little as he stumbles out of the corner, and Beast just caught him! CAPTURE SUPLEX and Beast just dumped Douglas almost halfway across the ring! 

MN: I never want to hear "Beast" and "dump" in the same sentence again. EVER.

DT: There's a leg drop from the former Champion, and Beast now pulls Douglas to his feet. He lands a couple right hands, and a boot to the guts... there's a underhook suplex and Beast is getting fired up! Beast fires Douglas to the corner, and gets into a crouch!

DM: 1 Gore with a side of broken ribs coming up!

Beast explodes out of the crouch...

DT: GORE! GORE! NO!!! AT THE LAST SECOND, DOUGLAS DOVE OUT OF THE CORNER AND BEAST SLAMMED INTO THE RING POST!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHH!!

MN: How does THAT feel, eh, Loafy? Feel GOOD, don't it!?!?

DT: Beast stumbles back out of the corner, and Douglas takes him over with a bridging German suplex! There's the count!

1...

2...

3!NO!

DT: NO WAY!! BEAST GOT THE SHOULDER UP!

Crowd: Pop!

DM: That wasn't so much a devastating maneuver as it was one designed to take advantage of Beast being stunned and capitalize on that! BRILLIANT piece of wrestling from Troy Douglas, spotting that opportunity like that!

DT: Douglas has Beast back on his feet... and a Scott Steiner-like belly to belly suplex plants the former Champion right back down!

MN: Does anyone know how cool it is to be here right now and seeing Loafy get tossed around like this?

DM: Douglas is certainly well versed in all kinds of suplexes, and he's big and strong enough to take it to Beast!

DT: And another belly to belly by Douglas! He goes for a pin!

1...

2...

Kickout!

DT: But Beast isn't ready to call it quits yet! Douglas pulls him to his feet, and whips him to the ropes. Beast rebounds... BIG CLOTHESLINE from Douglas, and Beast goes down! There's another pin from Douglas!

1...

2...

Kickout!

Crowd: CHEER!

DT: And again Beast kicks out! Douglas pulls Beast to his feet and hits a European uppercut, and that sends Beast back a couple steps. Douglas whips Beast to the ropes again... Beast rebounds and DUCKS under a right hand from Douglas... Beast hits the far ropes, and a FLYING FOREARM levels Douglas! 

MN: NO!!

DT: Both men are down!

DM: A desperation counter does the trick this time, but let's see who gets up first and can take over!

DT: I don't think this crowd really cares who it is, as they're just cheering both men on right now! They just want them to get up and give them some more action!

DM: And both guys are slowly getting to their feet, Thomas!

DT: That they are! They've both up now... Douglas charges Beast, but Beast catches Douglas coming in and plants him with a spinebuster! Beast takes a few more moments to shake out the cobwebs, and gets back to his feet. He pulls Douglas up, and a series of right hands staggers Douglas! A whip to the ropes, and Douglas rebounds... a POWER SLAM drives Douglas into the mat, and Beast makes a cover!

1...

2...

Kickout!

Crowd: CHEER!

DT: Beast drops a leg across Douglas' chest, before getting up and pulling Douglas up as well. Beast gets Douglas into a standing head scissors... OOOH MY! What a piledriver from Beast! But he's not going for the pin!

MN: What a moron!

DM: Nah, Beast just wants to make sure he really puts Douglas away! He knows what Douglas is capable of!

DT: Beast pulls Douglas to his feet, and gets him in a standing headscissors one more time... there's the pumphandle, Absolution 2K4 coming up... NO!!! Douglas slips behind and pushes Beast to the ropes, they come off the ropes, and Douglas rolls Beast up!

1...

2...

Kickout!

DT: Both men get to their feet, and Beast takes Douglas' head off with another clothesline! And Beast signals for it... he starts wrapping up Douglas' legs, and this crowd is buzzing... Judas' Cradle coming up, but NO! Douglas immediately scrambles to the ropes! Beast breaks, and as soon as Douglas lets go of the ropes, Beast is right back on him with a couple stomps, and now he's looking for a sharpshooter, but Douglas pulls him down into a pin!

1...

2...

Kickout!

DT: Both men up to their feet now, and Beast comes in, but Douglas catches him with a boot to the guts, and a swinging neckbreaker for good measure! Douglas gets Beast back up, and slams him right down to the canvas, and he's heading for the corner! Douglas is going to go up top!

The crowd buzzes as Douglas heads to the top.

DT: And here he goes - DIVING HEADBUTT, but Beast moves out of the way and Douglas eats canvas! Beast gets to his feet, and crouches! He's yelling at Douglas to get up!

MN: Please, let him miss again...

The crowd starts buzzing, and Douglas slowly gets to his feet, trying to shake out the cobwebs, and Beast explodes across the ring...

Crowd; Cheer!

DT: GORE!! GORE!! Beast nailed Douglas with the Gore! And Beast starts playing to the crowd! He's in control now!

MN: But he's an idiot! He doesn't see Dan Ryan and Anarky coming down the ramp!

DT: Beast pulls Douglas up and sets him up for the Absolution, just as Dan Ryan PULLS the official out of the ring! Beast drops Douglas as Ryan SLUGS the official!

The crowd boos crazily as Ryan slugs the ref, and Anarky gets into the ring behind Beast, and drives a forearm into the back of his neck!

DT: And here comes Ryan into the ring! They grab Beast and Anarky nails him with a backbreaker and holds on! Ryan goes to the second rope... ELBOW drop off the second rope and Beast does a 360 into the canvas!

MN: Oh, this is gonna be GREAT!

DT: And now Ryan waves Anarky out of the ring to go get the official! Ryan pulls Beast up to his feet.... HUMILITY BOMB!! OH MY GOD!! Ryan just DESTROYED Beast with that shot!

MN: I think I'm going to donate my paycheck back to Dan Ryan!

DM: This goes way back with these two, fellas! I don't think we need to go over the bitter fight between these two over EPW!

DT: It looks like at Wrestlestock, and here again tonight, Ryan and Anarky are going to get another one up on Beast! Ryan places Douglas on Beast, and slides out of the ring as Anarky rolls the ref back in! Here's the count!

1...

2...

3!!!

SFX: Ring bell. The crowd BOOS like crazy!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match.... TROY DOUGLAS!

DT: This is awful. ANOTHER PPV quality match RUINED by these two.

MN: *I* personally happen to think it's GREAT!

DT: And they're not done yet! Ryan pulls a groggy Beast up, and heads for the corner. Ryan hooks him in for a piledriver, and Anarky gets to the second rope, and they SPIKE Beast into the canvas!

DM: Oh man. That can't be good.

DT: And look at Ryan and Anarky. High-fiving in the ring. They're *enjoying* themselves. What now? Ryan is going to pick Beast up again...

MN: What the hell? The lights are flickering! The lights in the whole arena are out!

Medieval gregorian chant plays over the PA, and the EmpireTron slowly flickers to life, showing various images of people, half dressed, dirty and bloody, being beaten by ancient armored soliders. The music continues to play, and a few spotlights illuminate the stage as fog spills out over it. Slowly and rythymically, two lines of men garbed in robes with hoods pulled up over their heads make their way onto the stage. The EmpireTron looks as though blood is being spilled all over it.

MN: Can someone please tell me what the hell is happening? Blood and druids?

Images begin to flash on the EmpireTron. A son being born. The child being immersed in a river for baptism. The child listening, gazing intently, as his father preaches to an indigenous people. Flames, despair, and violence. Death. Three crosses with three decomposing bodies. The eyes of hate in the child. Change scene, black and white footage of an image circa 200 AD, and the child, now a man, is stripped to the waist and bound by arms and legs to restraints on a wall. Men and women alike begin stoning the man. Bruises, cuts, and gashes appear all over the man's body as he's beaten by the flying objects. Change scene to the man nailed to a cross, beaten and bloodied. 

The Druids slowly, in unison, begin raising their arms out to the sides and towards the heavens. A low, James Earl Jones-esque voice plays over the music.

"Gone, but not forgotten. Beaten, but not broken. Dead, but now resurrected."

As the Druid's arms reach their zenith, dozens of lightning strikes appear to come from the rafters and strike all over the stage around the Druids, who suddenly lower their arms, and as they do, the arena plunges into darkness.

MN: Someone check my chair... I think it's a little wet!

The arena stays black for several moments, then, when the houselight comes back on, a huge man stands in the ring, dressed in the same robe and hood worn by the Druids. The man stands there for several moments, not moving. Ryan and Anarky are trying to figure out who this might be. The man then, as the Druids have done before him, slowly raises his arms out to the sides, and then continues up to his hood, which he peels back from his face...

Crowd: POP!!!

MN: HOLY SH[FCC]T!!

DT: IT'S CROSS! IT'S CROSS!! CROSS IS BACK IN EPW!!

Ryan and Anarky stand in awe as Cross peels off his robe, revealing his wrestling garb, and he suddenly charges across the ring as Ryan and Anarky bail out of the ring through the ropes! The crowd is on their feet and cheering wildly! Cross leans over the ropes, trying to grab at Ryan and Anarky, and walks around the ring as he keeps pace with Ryan and Anarky as they leave the ringside area.

DT: I can't believe what I'm seeing! I thought we'd NEVER see Cross in an EPW ring again!

Cross motions for a microphone and is given one by a ring crew member, and then proceeds to help a real slowly rising Beast up to his feet. Beast staggers a bit and regains his bearings. His eyes focusing on Cross. Cross slowly brings the microphone to his lips.

Cross: Beast...this doesn't change anything between you and I. After all we've been through, after what you did to my family, after what you did to ME... you must know that in my eyes YOU are forever CONDEMNED! Your soul will rot in my Hell whenever and wherever the time comes to render your eternal penance. But nonetheless I agreed to be the "secret weapon" not because I've turned the other cheek, but because the enemy of my enemy commits the greater sin. After all the personal hell... after the masks and the Crucifixion matches... there's probably only one other sinner I despise even more than I despise you, and that's Dan Ryan.

Crowd: POP!!

MN: How DARE he talk about Ryan that way!

Cross: What Ryan has done to this company is UNPARDONABLE. How he's used it to stroke his own ego in public, and tried to ruin the lives and careers of so many men. From the Unknown Realms I have watched Ryan turn Empire Pro into his own personal Sodom and Gommorrah. When I saw that you and Irish Red engaged in a war for the salvation of EPW, THAT is when I decided to heed your call and come to your aid. But it would serve you best to remember one thing, Beast. I will help you, but know this... I sure as Hell DON'T do this for you. I do this for EPW. As long as the Christ gives me breath and willpower, I will see that EPW shines like the Holy City. I will see EPW redeemed. And I will see its unrepenant sinners CRUCIFIED and CONDEMNED to MY personal Hell!

Cross drops the mic, and “Consuming Fire” by Third Day plays over the PA as the crowd goes nuts. Cross leaves the ring, leaving a bewildered and beaten Beast standing in the middle of the ring.

DT: What a return! CROSS is back! And he's basically put EPW on notice! I can't wait to see him back in the ring again!