DM: Cross was definitely a force in his last run here in EPW. He was right on the cusp of the World Title when he left, so I can only imagine this will be good for competition.

[Suddenly, Beaslet is superimposed over the bottom right of the screen wearing the ‘Gay-1-E’ t-shirt and a making a thumbs up gesture with the words ‘Call now!!’ over his image.]

DT: Wait, did you see that?

MN: [turning anxiously around in fear] WHAT?!?

DM: [smacking Neely upside the head [Neely: OW!!]] Beastlet, stupid. An ad just came up on screen for it.

MN: I’m still sure my lack of a comp’d shirt is an oversight.

DT: Well, this next match should be loaded with action. It's a Triple Threat TORNADO tag match, putting some of Empire Pro Wrestling's top tag teams in the ring together, meaning that there are no tags in and out, everybody is in the ring at the same time. I'm not the owner here, nor will I sit here and pretend I have any say so, what-so-ever, around these parts, but I'd assume that the winner of this match would be in line for a shot at the EPW Tag Team Titles, held by the newly crowned champions, the Proletariat.

MN: Quick question, and, ummmm.... I don't know if this makes me stupid or not.... but, what in the HELL is a Proletariat?! 

DM: [rolls his eyes]: Back to the match, you've got the Highland Park Social Club, who have made major waves her in Empire Pro Wrestling as tag team specialists, as well as singles competitors. Richard Farnswirth is one of the most technically gifted wrestlers in the world, period... and, I guess the same could be said for the blue blood Adam Benjamin, who has had one of the longer Television Title reigns in company history. 

MN: Let's not mince words, Adam Benjamin is greatness in the form of man. Point, blank, period. 

DM: Next up, you have the Chronic Collizon - formerly known as the Crimson Calling - also known as the very first team to hold the EPW Tag Team Championships! They have HISTORY in Empire Pro Wrestling, that a name change can't take away, and are one of those teams that always finds a way to make an impact from match to match.

DT: This is true. Juvenile antics aside, both men are Empire Pro veterans, who have ruled several different tag team divisions across the country. 

DM: And, lastly... The Forsaken. This is a team who can at any moment steal the show. They can be daredevils, at times they put their bodies on the line, and they exude this aura of mystery, that can always come into play and serve as a mindgame.

MN: This whole thing sounds like a bunch of confusion if you ask me. If it ain't about the tag straps, I ain't interested! 

DT: Go read a book you imbecile. This match has the potential to steal the show.

DM: Let's go to the ring, where the announcer will properly introduce each team. 

[“Agenda Suicide [Fake Agenda Mix]” by the Faint starts up. The First comes out …well, first. Dope is right behind him. The First keeps his head down, walking slowly down the aisle. Dope just kinda wanders down the aisle behind him, yelling things at the crowd here and there.

TF: This match is for one fall and will determine the number one contenders to the EPW World Tag Team Titles!!! Introducing first…..from the uh….primordial ooze…..The First……Dope……THE FORSAKEN!!!!

[The First slides into the ring and promptly plops down in one corner, while Dope climbs in and climbs up to the second turnbuckle, staring into the crowd with a mask covered snicker.]

DT: And odd team here in the Forsaken to be sure.

DM: Odd yes, but we know The First to be super talented and I’m anxious to see more of this Dope character.

[The sound of a flicking lighter... water bubbling... and obnoxious COUGHING heralds the intro to "10001110101" by Clutch. As the music swings into its first bluesy hard rock riff, "The Raging Russian" Ivan Dalkichev storms onto the stage, downing the last of his bottle of vodka, which he immediately SMASHES on the ground and beats his chest with his fist, roaring to the audience! Slinking through the mist behind him is "The Escape Artist" Erik Black, a plume of smoke escaping his lips and holding up “GEEZER” for the fans to see!]

[The pair come face to face at the top of the ramp, flashing each other thumbs up, and make their way down. Dalkichev strides with Norrisean intensity, heading straight for the ring in a drunken stupor, while Black remains in tow, dancing to the music and playing to the fans.]

TF: Their opponents….from Indianapolis, Indiana….weighing in at a combined weight of seven hundred thirty eight pounds……Ivan Dalkichev….Erik Black…..CHRONIC COLLIZION!!!!

[Ivan just happens to be next to a camera along the ramp as the announcement is made, where he leans over and says into the camera….”formerly Crimson Calling!”]

[As they come to the ring, the hulking Dalkichev scales the apron, staggering slightly, and steps over the top rope to enter the squared circle. Black slides inside after him, walking around the ring on his knees while pumping up the audience. At the end of their set, Dalkichev drops to his knees in the center of the ring, holding his arms out to his sides. Black takes position behind him and holds his arms up in a V formation. When viewed from straight on, they form a five-pointed shape similar to a cannabis leaf!]

DT: The former World Tag Team Champions are here now and we’re one team away from having a contest here…

DM: Those two have made quite a transformation from what we remember as the Crimson Calling, so who knows what to expect here…but they’ve been impressive in their return so far.

["Ride of the Valkyries" by Richard Wagner starts up.

The lights of the arena go down as several green lasers flitter about. As Farnswirth and Benjamin emerge from the back, the lasers merge on the entrance ramp to draw a large dollar sign. Richard stands at the top of the ramp and looks over the crowd in disgust before heading for the ring.]

TF: And their…opponents…..from Highland Park…..and from the UK!!....here are Richard Farnswirth…..”Yours Truly” Adam Benjamin….THE HIGHLAND PARK SOCIAL CLUB!!!!!

[Farnswirth and Benjamin climb into the ring and receive the patdown treatment from the referee and take their places in a corner.]

DT: This match is getting underway with all three teams standing in their respective corners...

[SFX: Ding, Ding, Ding!]

DT: There's the bell, and with that, each team closes in. 

DM: Benjamin and Farnswirth are already in a heated debate with Erik Black, as Ivan Dalkichev steps up and enters the discussion, double dropkick by the First and Dope! That's rather... strange. The First and Dope didn't have one particular person to dropkick, so instead they kicked Black and big Ivan into Adam Benjamin and Farnswirth, sending both teams through the ropes. 

MN: It's called a cheapshot, buddy. And, I have to say... I admire it quite a bit!

DT: I bet you do, Neely. 

DM: Both teams are up on the outside of the ring, Dope is down on all fours... The First runs full speed to the ropes, bounces off, uses Dope as a stepping stool, SUICIDE DIVE OVER THE TOP ROPE! This match is already starting off at a hectic pace!

DT: We expected action, and The Forsaken are delivering! Dope now climbs the top rope... FROGSPLASH LANDING DIRECTLY ONTO ADAM BENJAMIN! And, the crowd is going WILD!! 

MN: That's because a young lady flashed, not because of anything going on in the ring. 

DM: The wreckage is similar to that of a six car collision, as everybody with the exception of Adam Benjamin are slowly making there way to their feet. Benjamin looks out already, and the sad part is, the match just started!

MN: I swear, Adam hasn't been right since Ice Tre screwed him out of the King of the Cage tournament! 

DT: Dalkichev is up on his feet, and the big man looks angry... he grabs Dope by the throat and slams him back first into the turnbuckle! Ivan backs off, and charges in... DOPE MOVES! The Forsaken are on fire! Dope with a dropkick that has big Ivan staggering. Dope backpedals, and attempts a second dropkick, but still, Ivan won't go down. Dope is up once more, he takes even more steps backward... charges for another dropkick--

DM: -- SPEAR BY ADAM BENJAMIN!! Both Benjamin and Farnswirth are up as the blue-blooded pair go to work. Farnswirth kicks Erik Black in the gut and uses a handful of hair, and connects with a Russian leg sweep, that sends Black back down on the canvas! 

DT: Funny, we have yet to see any "in ring" action!

DM: You spoke too soon, The First and Adam Benjamin both slide into the ring and face each other. Benjamin with a headlock, wraps around with a hammerlock, that the first counters with an elbow to the jaw! The First bounces off of the ropes only to be met with a beautiful dropkick by Adam Benjamin! 

MN: That dropkick looked better than your wife! 

DM: Please, let's not take away from this match with personal comments...

MN[mumbling]: ....it's true.

DT: On the outside of the ring, Erik Black is on his feet, and he looks a little pissed. Farnwirth, who had been getting the better of him, turned his back to focus on Black's giant of a partner... Ivan Dalkichev, which was a major mistake, as Black creeped up behind him and connected with a MONSTER belly- to- back suplex that saw Farnswirth's head smack pure concrete! 

DM: Inside of the ring, Adam Benjamin looks to be trying to force The First into submission, only the cheers of the crowd keep him alive. Benjamin has him in a fujinami armbar that has The First's arm looking like it's on the verge of dislocation...

DT: Ivan Dalkichev finally shook the cobwebs free from those dropkicks at the hands of Dope earlier, just as Dope tries to make it to his feet, ribs apparently sore as a result of that spear by Adam Benjamin. Dope with a punch, but it has little to no effect at all... Ivan's just too big for him! Dalkichev with a headbutt sends Dope reeling! Ivan lift's Dope up, in the gorilla press position, and slams him down on the guardrail! Dope appears to not be able to breathe! 

DM: And, with that Ivan enters the ring... Double clothesline sends Adam Benjamin and The First to the mat! 

MN: Fee, Fie, Foe, FUM!

DM: Dalkichev has The First up... CHOKESLAM! He drops down for the cover... ONE! TWO!! Adam Benjamin with the save! That was a close one! Adam gives Ivan the boot, trying to keep this giant at bay, to no avail, as Dalkichev shoves Benjamin through the ropes, causing him to accidentally land on TOP of Richard Farnswirth, and Erik Black who were going at it tooth and nail on the outside! 

DT: All three men are down, as Dalkichev steps over the top rope, on his way to more destruction. Adam Benjamin is on his feet, barely, albeit, Dalkichev grabs Benjamin by the throat..... CHOKESLAM NUMBER TWO ON THE CONCRETE!! 

MN: And, jolly green isn't done!

DM: Neely's right... Ivan Dalkichev has Richard Farnswirth's neck.... A THIRD CHOKESLAM! The Highland Park Social Club looks to be finished as Ivan Dalkichev pulls his partner Erik Black up to his feet, checking to see if he's okay.

DT: Do you see what I see? 

MN: It's a bird, it's a plane....

DM & DT: SHUT UP!!

MN: Geez, guys...

DT: Ivan Dalkichev and Erik Black are on the outside getting their wits about them, but they seemed to have forgotten about The Forsaken. Dope scales the top rope, FLYING CROSS BODY BLOCK--

DM: IVAN DALKICHEV CAUGHT HIM! DALKICHEV CAUGHT HIM! I DON'T THINK I'VE--

DT: --EVER! BUT, WAIT!! THE FIRST WITH A SWAN DIVE OVER THE TOP ROPE THAT SENDS IVAN DALKICHEV, AND DOPE CRASHING INTO ERIK BLACK! WOW! THE CARNAGE!

MN: Sore throat medicine anyone? You guys REALLY need to learn to relax. You act as if you've never seen this high wire act before.

DM: The crowd is on their feet, they are going INSANE! The Forsaken are slowly getting up on their feet, so are The Highland Park Social Club... They are in the midst of squaring off. Dope and Richard Farnswirth begin trading blows, as does Benjamin and The First, as The Forsaken start to get the better of the two, and toss Benjamin and Farnswirth in the ring.

DT: The exhaustion is definitely starting to kick in, every team looks like they've been hit by a speeding mack truck.

DM: The Forsaken slide into the ring after their foes, only to be met with boots to the head by the blue-blooded Englishmen!

MN: Farnswirth and Adam Benjamin aren't the best brawlers, but they are two of the most intelligent wrestlers on this planet, if not THE most!

DM: Benjamin with a kick to the gut of The First, plants him to the mat with a DDT that looked like it could've broken his neck!

DT: Both men from Highland Park now begin to focus their attention on Dope, who is backed into a corner. Farnswirth charges in but is met with a counter hip toss, but that's not enough to keep Adam Benjamin away as he clips his leg from behind! Smart move!

DM: Benjamin begins to work away at the leg, digging his heels into it, and yanking it, trying to dislocate a bone! 

MN: Benjamin is cerebral when he wants to be!

DM: Adam props Dope's leg on the bottom rope, and uses the same rope as a trampoline before coming down FULL FORCE onto Dope's already injured leg, as he screams in pain! 

DT: Richard Farnswirth is up now... He moves in as Benjamin hooks Dope in the Figure Four Leg Lock. 

MN: Take one man out, then beat the holy hell out of the other... this is my kinda plan.

DM: I'm not quite sure it was drawn up like that, but whatever works. Dope is locked into that figure four, with the referee asking if he wants the bell, but The First fights on. Richard Farnswirth scales the ropes, looks down at his partner and his opponent... takes the leap... FLYING LEG DROP! This one has GOT to be over. Farnswirth with the cover... ONE! TWO!! 

DT: ERIK BLACK WITH A FLYING ELBOW OFF OF THE TOP ROPE FOR THE SAVE! Ivan Dalkichev enters right behind his partner... Big boot to the face of Adam Benjamin sends him flying to the mat. Black raises Farnswirth off the mat... Belly to back suplex! He's hanging on... ANOTHER! AND A THIRD! He cradles, the referee drops down for the cover... ONE!! TWO!! FARNSWIRTH WITH A SHOULDER UP! 

DM: I'm not so sure how smart that was... Big Ivan seems a little ticked... he lifts Farnswirth up by the neck, and sets him up for a Powerbomb--

DT: The First with a dropkick to the calf muscle, and Ivan is hobbled! Dalkichev drops Farnswirth, and begins holding his ankle, which HAS to be in agonizing pain! The First lands a couple of blows on Dalkichev, as well as Erik Black who tried to sneak him from behind... The First with a kick to the gut... No... He wouldn't...

DM: ....he couldn't.

MN[flatly]: He can't.

DT: The First has the seven foot tall Ivan Dalkichev in the position for a powerbomb, but, there is no way this can be done... 

DM: YES there is! Dope is up, he's helping his partner lift the giant up, but unfortunately for them, he's still putting up one hell of a fight in resisting. What's this?!? Richard Farnswirth is up ..... and, he's .... HELPING! So is Adam Benjamin! All four men are using all of their strength to lift up this giant... together they lift him up... SUPER POWER BOMB! AND DALKICHEV IS OUT! Dope with the cover! ONE! TWO! Broken up by Richard Farnswirth! ONE! TWO! Broken up by The First who drops down for the cover... ONE! TWO! Kick to the head by Adam Benjamin that leaves the First a little on the woozy side, as Adam drops down for the cover. ONE! TWO!

DT: That cover is broken up by Erik Black who ..... DROPS DOWN AND COVERS HIS OWN PARTNER! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT BY IVAN DALKICHEV!! Is that even LEGAL?!?

MN: If Black gets the one, two, three, his team gets the win, I can see the logic in it! Why can't you?! The problem is Goliath here kicking out of the pin.

DM: I'm sure he's JUST as confused about it as WE are! 

DT: Erik Black is back on his feet, and he's fighting off ALL of the opposition! The First with a haymaker, DUCKED! INVERTED DDT! Black is up once more... going toe to toe with Dope, Dope appears to be getting the better of the situation... Dope backs off for a clothesline... he charges, Black DUCKS... DOPE is BACK BODY DROPPED OVER THE TOP ROPE BY THE SUSPECTING RICHARD FARNSWIRTH! Farnswirth exits the ring behind Dope... The First leaves right behind them as they are both wailing away at the overmatched Farnswirth.

DM: Adam Benjamin wobbles his way to his feet... not really sure what to make of what is going on tonight... he spins around... and, runs right into Ivan Dalkichev who presses Benjamin over his head... He brings him to the center of the ring... DRUNKEN RUSSIAN DRIVER! AND WHERE IS ERIK BLACK?! HE'S UP TOP..... STEAMROLLER! BENJAMIN IS OUT AS BLACK DROPS DOWN FOR THE COVER!

DT: Dope, noticing the reaction from the crowd, glances back at the ring...

DM: ONE!!

DT: Dope bolts towards the ring for the save...

DM: TWO!!!

DT: Dope slides in the ring for the save, leaping in the air....

DM: THREE!!

DT: Dope connects with a ROLLING THUNDER! ...but, it's TOO LATE! The referee's hand hit the mat for the three, let's go up to the ring for the official announcement.

ANNOUNCER: The winner of the match, AAAAAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDD NEW NUMBER ONE CONTENDER FOR THE EPW WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES .... CHRONIC COLLIZION!!!

MN: I KNEW they'd win it! I called it from the beginning!

DT: This match was one of those matches that NOBODY could call! Nobody want's to hear your crap, Neely! You didn't call a thing!

MN: You're just mad...

DT: MAD?!!? ME?! WHY WOULD *I* BE MAD?!!

MN: Because I picked the winner of the match and you didn't! I am a winner and you are a LOSER! 

DM: Somebody please get us to the next match before I end up killing him... or worse... MYSELF!