DT: Alright folks, obviously Sean Stevens has done a number on Rocko Daymon and in a related vein – due to protests from all three camps concerning the finish of the number one contender’s matchup, Dan Ryan has promised an announcement regarding the Number One Contender’s slot on Aggression. However, I digress. Ladies and gentlemen, the time has at last come!
MN: Hallelujah, praise to the Jebus!
DM: Lord, if you’re up there, strike this idiot down with great vengeance. Smite him. Smite him good.
DT: No more biblical bickering, children.
DM/MN: Kay.
DT: Two years ago at Russian Roulette, Lindsay Troy shocked the world by winning the World Championship from Beast and unmasking as the mysterious masked Dis. For the two years after that, the Queen was nearly untouchable, resisting all challengers as one of the most dominant champions that the wrestling world has ever seen. But, at WrestleSTOCK, the Queen of the Ring was done in like the rest of us by Joey Melton and his damn twin brother, who all but stole the World Heavyweight Championship. Tonight, by order of Dan Ryan, there’ll be just one Joey Melton in the arena, and Lindsay Troy gets her shot at him.
DM: But she’s not alone, is she Dave?
DT: Certainly not. Though only one Melton will be present, we can’t forget about the man who impressively won the King of the Cage tournament, the man who is the deserving number one contender, “Triple X” Sean Stevens. Stevens, Troy and Melton in a three way dance for the world title, kids it just does not get much better than this. Let’s meet the combatants for the main event of the evening!
[CUE UP: “Public Service Announcement," by Jay Z as the lights dimmed and the crowd cheered throughout the opening sequence of the song.
"Allow Me to Re-Introduce Myself, my Name Is…"
Fireworks. …as the curtain parted and "Triple X" Sean Stevens walked through, with his hair soaking wet, clad in a 100% cotton, "Blue-Eyed Badass™" t-shirt, black tights, with neon blue X’s on the legs and rear. Sean pauses at the top of the ramp, giving the audience the once over, then thrusts his arms in the air before continuing his walk down to the ring. Once at ringside, Sean points in the direction of a few of the members in the audience with signs promoting one of his many nicknames, before entering the ring, and hoping on the nearest turnbuckle, as his theme comes to an end.]
DT: Here is the King of the Cage, Sean Stevens, the man they call the Blue Eyed Badass!
DM: He’s been one of the best in the world for years, Dave, tonight he gets another shot to prove he deserves the title of Champion of the World.
[CUE UP: “Trampled Underfoot” Led Zeppelin. The crowd EXPLODES as the Queen of the Ring makes her way to the ring. No flashy lights, no thunderous pyro, just anger, intensity, and focus in the demeanor of the former champ.]
DT: The Queen of the Ring is here in the ATL, and guys, she looks ready to go.
MN: Oooh, Queenie’s angry. I’m sooooo scared.
DM: How many times have we determined that she could kick your ass into the Cretaceous Period, Mikey.
MN: At press time? 353205.
[CUE UP: “I Need a Hero” Bonnie Tyler. Melton walks out confidently to a chorus of boos from the crowd, though he does get his fair share of cheers. He strolls to the ring, pulls of his rope and leans against the turnbuckles.]
DT: The world champ looks confident tonight, and despite his reprehensible actions, he is STILL getting cheers here thanks to a 20 year legacy that he carved out just a couple hours north of here in Greensboro, NC. Our wrestlers are in the ring, to Tony Fatora for the introductions!
[CUT TO: Fatora in the center of the ring.]
TF: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the MAIN EVENT of EPW’s Russian Roulette 2007!!! When the action begins, our referee will be EPW senior official Bryan Weatherby. This match is one fall to a finish, must be decided by pinfall or submission, and is a THREE WAY DANCE to determine the UNDISPUTED EPW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!!!
Introducing first…
He stands six feet, two inches tall and weighed in at 245 pounds. He hails from Orlando, Florida, and enters tonight as the 2007 EPW King of the Cage. He is the Blue-Eyed Badass, he is TRIIIIIPPPPPLLLLLEEEE ECCCKKKKSSSS … SEEEEAAAAAAAAANNNN STTTEEEEEEEEEVVVVEEENNNNNSSSS!!!!!!
[The crowd cheers Stevens, who stands on the top turnbuckle and raises his arms to the crowd.]
TF: His first opponent stands six feet, three inches tall, and weighed in at 170 pounds. She hails from Tampa, Florida, and was, until recently, the longest reigning World Heavyweight Champion in Empire Pro history. Ladies and gentlemen, she is “THE QUEEN OF THE RING” … LIIIIINNNDDDSSSSAAAAAAY TRRRRROOOOOOYYYYYYY!!!!
[The crowd cheers for Troy, who barely even moves. Her eyes are locked solely on Melton.]
TF: And finally…
This man stands six feet, one inch tall and weighed in at 210 pounds. He hails from New York City, New York, and is one of the most decorated stars in the history of professional wrestling. He also enters tonight as the REIGNING and DEFENDING EPW Heavyweight Champion of the World…
This is JOOOOOOEEEEEYYYYY MEEEEELLLLTTTTTOOOOOOOOONNNN!!!!!!!
[SFX: Bell rings]
MN: Is it just me, or did those intros take forever.
DM: How would you know, Mikey? You were asleep.
MN: Was not!
DM: Was too. You drooled all over my damn shirt!
DT: It’s true. It was kind of disgusting.
MN: No more talking. LET’S GET FIGHTING!
DT: And the main event of Russian Roulette 2007 is underway, and Lindsay Troy is making a beeline straight for Joey Melton!
DM: And I think Joey’s making a beeline straight for somewhere a little safer. Like say, a fortified bunker?
MN: I think I need to make a beeline for the little commentator’s room.
DM: I told you to stay away from the sweet tea, Mikey!
DT: Melton dodges to the outside, but Triple X is there to stop the champ dead in his tracks! He rocks him with a hard right hand, and he sends him right back into the ring and into the waiting hands of Lindsay Troy!
MN: Oh, what I wouldn’t do to have those hands—
DM: Stop before the lawsuits start.
DT: Melton scrambles to his feet, but the former champ is on him too quickly! She’s got Melton backed up into a corner, and she’s throwing out the catch-as-catch-can handbook and just LAYING into Joey with every stiff shot she can muster!
DM: Now, it’s usually Mike’s job to point this out, but there were about sixteen things about that sentence that were very, very wrong.
MN: Don’t I know it.
DT: Lindsay is unleashing every ounce of anger she’s got on Melton right now, and the champ has absolutely nowhere to run! Here comes Stevens to get in on the action—
MN: THREE WAY!
DM: Tool.
DT: —but Troy wants no part of that! She elbows Triple X away and continues the assault! Left and right hands, elbows, knees, kicks, she’s throwing them all at the World Champion and connecting! Melton’s stagger in the corner … Troy takes charge … FLYING LEG LARIAT in the corner! Lindsay hops up … straight into a massive flying forearm by Sean Stevens! The Blue-Eyed Badass did not take well to being left out of the party, Dean.
MN: You talk about being left out of a party and you ask DEAN?
DM: He’s right, Thomas. Neels has probably been left out of more parties than any man in the history of Western civilization.
MN: Damn straight.
…
…
HEY!
DT: Stevens turns his attention to the champ. He pulls him forcefully out of the corner … wicked short-arm clothesline and Joey Melton just about flipped completely over! Stevens looking to win early, he pins…
ONE…
AND A HALF! He might’ve clotheslined Melton halfway to Savannah, but it’s gonna take more than that to take the title from him.
DM: Exactly, Dave. There might not be many people who like the way Joey Melton wormed his way into the EPW World Championship, but all those people still know it’d take more than that to take down one of the greatest stars in wrestling history.
MN: I like the way he won the world championship.
DM: That’s because you’re functionally retarded.
MN: I AM NOT FUNCTIONALLY RETARDED!
DM: That’s right. You don’t function.
DT: Stevens has Melton in his control as Lindsay was knocked to the outside by that forearm, and now the King of the Cage is on the prowl. He whips Melton off the ropes … catches him with a ring rocking POWERSLAM! He just absolutely CRUNCHED Joey Melton with that slam! He goes for another cover … but the former champ comes in the break up the pin, and Melton looks pleased!
MN: Not for long.
DT: Lindsay pulled Stevens off the champ, but she just wants to get her teeth into Melton as soon as she can!
DM: Do we REALLY need this much idiotic innuendo, Dave?
MN: I do. I really, really do.
DM: Didn’t we just establish the whole “retarded” thing.
DT: I established that in February 2004, Dean. It won’t stop him.
MN: No way, no how.
DT: Back to things that we’re actually PAID to talk about, Lindsay Troy’s got the champ backed into the corner again, and she is just throwing every strike in the book at him. We’re not but a few minutes into this thing, and you can already see where the welts and bruises will rise on Joey Melton once this thing is over. Bryan Weatherby tells Lindsay to break … she does … but she comes charging right back with a flying knee in the corner!
MN: Dude, Joey’s head just did that thing from The Exorcist!
DM: The power of Christ compels you!
DT: Joey staggers out of the corner … wicked snap suplex by the Queen of the Ring! She floats over for the pin …
ONE…
Stevens quickly breaks it up before the count of two, and now the two challengers have both taken away a chance for the other to win the belt.
DM: If there was any way Melton would’ve been beaten by either of those moves, we might have a real issue.
MN: I may be an idiot, but I think these two have an issue anyway.
DT: Stevens and Troy are shouting at each other in mid-ring, and here go the King of the Cage and the Queen of the Ring! Lindsay’s gaining the advantage, and she’s firing hard right hands at Triple X! She steps back … clothesline misses! Lindsay turns around … and Stevens picks her up and absolutely PLANTS her into the mat with a spinebuster!
MN: Big ouchie. REALLY big ouchie. Maybe I should go comfort Lindsay.
DT: Sean Stevens is showing the form that won him King of the Cage early on tonight, EPW fans. He pulls Lindsay up, here’s an whip off the ropes … Lindsay leapfrogs Stevens … but runs straight into a dropkick by the champion, who finally looks like he knows what he’s supposed to be doing in this match!
DM: It’s probably a good idea for Melton to actually, ya know, try and get some offense in, seeing as he doesn’t have to be pinned to lose his title.
DT: Melton is reveling in the fact that he just pulled a fast one on Lindsay Troy … and Troy rolls him up! Shoulders are on the mat!
ONE…
TWO…
Melton kicks out! Joey Melton got a little too cocky early on and the former champion almost pulled one out of the hat! Now Lindsay pulls Melton up … she’s rolled up by Triple X!
One count … and Melton with the low dropkick breaks it up! Stevens and Troy both pop up … Lindsay shoves Sean … right into a rollup by Melton! This is incredible!
ONE…
No! Broken up by Lindsay Troy! That was quick!
DM: That was … umm … a little strange.
MN: Can’t…breathe…need…oxygen.
DT: All three competitors are up after that dynamic exchange of near-falls, and now they’re all going at it together!
MN: Finally, my fantasy comes true. MENAGE A TROIS WITH LINDSAY TROY!!!
DM: Mikey, in your fantasy, weren’t YOU involved?
MN: Y’know, I thought something was strange about that. Also, in my fantasy, Sean Stevens was replaced by a really hot chick. Dude, this version of my fantasy sucks!
DT: All three are exchanging punches and kicks with each other, it’s like a youth soccer game out here, guys! I can barely follow the action, there are so many fists and feet flying around! They’re against the ropes, and Bryan Weatherby tells them to pull it apart. They do, but all three are staring at the others, none of them blinking!
DM: Did we just get the wrestling version of the Mexican F(FCC)ING Standoff?
DT: Troy and Stevens share a glance, and they head right after each other!
MN: FAKEOUT!
DT: No! They both head straight for the champ, and they pummel him! Irish whip … DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE SENDS MELTON TO THE FLOOR! The champ is certainly off his game tonight.
DM: It doesn’t help him that he has no doppelganger to bail him out and that Lindsay Troy hates him so much that she might just snap his head off in an instant if she gets the chance.
MN: Yeah, why’s everybody gotta pile on the champ? He’s cool!
DM: That’s your observation. He’s cool?
MN: Yep. That’s why I get paid the big bucks, Deano.
DT: Melton’s on the outside, and Lindsay’s going right after him!
DM: For some reason, I don’t think Joey wants to engage Lindsay as much as Lindsay wants to beat the living crap out of him.
DT: Melton’s trying to get the hell out of dodge, and he’s scrambling backwards and sliding into the ring…
MN: Survey says … BAD IDEA!
DT: Melton ran headfirst into Sean Stevens, and Triple X did not appreciate that at all! Melton begs off … Stevens CLOBBERS him with a right hand!
MN: It’s clobberin’ time!
DT: Stevens with a big right hand! And another! Melton staggers back towards the King of the Cage, who points behind Melton!
MN: I wonder what he’s pointing at?
DM: Trust me, it ain’t good for Joey.
DT: Joey turns around, and he sees Lindsay Troy! Troy steps … SUPERKICK—OH MY LORD!!! Melton ducked at the last moment and Lindsay caught Sean Stevens square on the jaw! You could see the blood spit out of Steven’s mouth as he was caught flush with that one!
[CUT TO: Split screen slo-mo replay. Stevens head snaps back violently as a gob of bloody saliva flies out of his mouth at 48 frames per second.]
DT: Lindsay’s shocked she missed her target, and Melton’s taking advantage! Boot to the gut of Troy … and a swinging neckbreaker! Joey pulls her up … hooks from behind—don’t go there, Neely—and he fires off an impressive German suplex! Melton bridges back for the pin…
ONE…
TWO…
NO! Very, very close to retaining the world heavyweight championship was Joey Melton right there.
DM: Melton started this one off slow, but he has come back with a fury after Troy missed the superkick, and now the champion is in the position he’s been in so often during his career.
MN: On top of a woman?
DM: No, douchebag. He’s got an advantage and he’s now going to isolate one of his two opponents to control the pace of the match.
MN: I like my idea better.
DT: Joey’s got Lindsay on the ground, and now Melton is going to work. He lines her up … and drops the knee right onto the small of Lindsay Troy’s back! Melton springs up, measures the challenger, and there’s another knee to the lower back.
DM: This is classic Joey Melton. He knows how to soften up an opponent, then slowly bring them to the point where they can’t take any more punishment.
DT: Melton is doing his best to keep Troy grounded right now, and Sean Stevens is not moving very much at all. He might’ve been knocked silly by that kick from Lindsay and that’s allowing Joey Melton to stay on the offensive. He pulls Lindsay to her feet … but she’s brought right back down with a snap backbreaker, and Melton flows that straight into a textbook Russian Leg Sweep! The champ goes for the pin…
ONE…
TWO…
Lindsay gets the shoulder up! The former champion showing the resilience that allowed her to keep the strap for two years.
MN: Feh. It’s just a matter of time before Melton decides to leave her crying yet again.
DM: I wouldn’t let Lindsay here you say that, Mikey.
MN: That’s what she said.
DM: No more DVDs of The Office for you.
MN: That’s what she said.
DT: Melton’s got full control now, and he’s put Lindsay into a serious spot of pain with the treatment he’s been giving her lower back. Joey pulls up the Queen, and he whips her VIOLENTLY into the far corner, and Lindsay just winced badly as she hit the turnbuckles. Melton stalks right in … and he drives an elbow hard into the side of Troy’s head! He sets up for the charge … MONSTER splash in the corner, and Lindsay Troy is both literally and figuratively on the ropes in this one.
DM: I just don’t know how long Lindz can hold on with the beating her back’s taken over the past few minutes in this one.
DT: Melton’s got Troy set up on the second rope.
DM: I don’t like where this is heading.
MN: I DO!
DT: Melton hooks the head … he pulls Lindsay off the top … OH MY LORD!!!! Joey Melton just delivered a MUSCLE BUSTER of immense proportions, and Lindsay Troy has to be done for! Melton covers, this has to be elementary…
ONE…
TWO…
THREE! No! No! Sean Stevens, who I could’ve sworn was knocked out cold, pulled Troy out from under Melton at the absolute last second possible, and he saved a chance at the title for both himself AND Lindsay Troy!
MN: Damn that there Triple X! Where’s Ice Tre when you need him?
DT: Melton is INCENSED that Stevens broke that pin up, and now these two go at it! Stevens with a forearm shot right to Melton’s chest! He steps back for the clothesline … no dice! He turns around, and Melton greets him with a trademark knife edged chop! And another! And another! Melton is blistering the King of the Cage with chops, and he’s backing him straight into the corner! Melton keeps up the chops, and now he just grabs the back of Stevens neck with both hands and drives his forehead down right onto Melton’s knees!
DM: Modified facebuster there, and considering that Stevens has already been knocked loopy at least once in this match, that’s gonna make getting his bearings even tougher.
DT: Melton has Stevens position all the way up top, and he’s climbing up to join him! Melton going for the superplex … Stevens shoves him off and the champ hits the deck! Now Triple X wants to fly … SHOOTING STAR PRESS …
…
…
NOBODY HOME!!!! Melton recovered quickly enough to get out of the way and avoid Stevens’ Shooting Star!
MN: Dude, he totally waffled himself on the canvas.
DT: Melton’s up again, he’s got Stevens … BRAINBUSTER!!! Melton connects, and he’s signaling for that patented Figure Four!
DM: As much as he’s done it over the years, I’m still pretty sure Melton hasn’t actually patented this particular submission hold.
DT: Melton grabs the right leg of Stevens, he steps through …
DM: OH MY GOD!
MN: HOLY FLURKING SNIT!?!?!?!?!
DT: Lindsay Troy came out of nowhere and broke up Melton’s submission attempt with a picture perfect, amazing springboard moonsault into a reverse DDT! We’ve GOT to have another look at that!
[CUT TO: Replay. Lindsay sees Melton about to hook in the figure four, springs off the ropes and flies over Stevens before hooking the head and hitting the DDT.]
CROWD: HOLY SH*T! HOLY SH*T!
DT: Lindsay drapes an arm across Melton for the pin…
ONE…
TWO…
THRRRRNOOOO!!!! Lindsay Troy almost got the World Championship back right then and there, but Joey Melton just BARELY got his left shoulder off the mat before the count of three.
DM: Tremendous show of endurance by Melton, but after the punishment Lindsay took, I’m amazed she could pull that up and is still standing!
DT: Melton and Troy are both up, and the champ is trying to take back the advantage, but Lindsay stops him dead in his tracks with a vicious Muay Thai knee that sends the champion reeling! Melton stumbles off the ropes … snap hurricanrana! She holds on for the pin…
ONE…
TWO…
OH SO CLOSE!!!!! Lindsay Troy mere moments away from regaining the title once again! How many times is someone going to come this close to taking the world title before finally breaking through.
MN: Infinity, ‘cause Joey ain’t losing.
DT: Lindsay is keeping the pressure on Melton. She sets him up in the standing headscissors … lifts him HIGH into the air …
…
KAWADA DRIVER!!! Lindsay nailed the Kawada Driver, and that might just do the trick! But Lindsay isn’t going to go for the pin! She wants to put Melton out of commission for good!
DM: Lindsay Troy has said that she wants to make Joey Melton’s life a living hell, and while she’s doing a damn good job of it so far, I think she thinks she can do better. Or, if your in Joey’s shoes, worse.
MN: Why would I be in Joey Melton’s shoes?
DM: Just … nevermind.
DT: Lindsay is absolutely POUNDING on Joey Melton right now, and the fire in her eyes is evident to everyone here in Atlanta tonight for Russian Roulette. She wants the title back, and she wants to end Melton’s career on top of it. Now she double underhooks … and she drives Melton into the mat face first! Lindsay nailed him with the Final Judgment, and that might just be the last moment of Joey Melton’s title reign! Lindsay pins…
ONE…
TWO…
THRNOOOO!!!! Joey Melton used whatever conscious or unconscious brain functions he had left to stick his right foot onto the bottom rope! Bryan Weatherby saw it and this thing ain’t over yet, kids!
DM: Joey must’ve had the corner of his eye open, because he stuck that foot out quickly and not a moment too soon.
MN: Honestly, Dean, I don’t think Lindsay’s all that mad. This gives her more chance to whale on Joey.
DT: That’s exactly what Lindsay’s doing, guys, and Sean Stevens is barely standing. He’s in the far corner recuperating while Troy is putting a whooping on the champion, but he’s got to recover soon if he wants the world title around his waist at night’s end.
DM: Good point, Dave, but I’ve got no problem with Triple X biding his time to recover and let Lindsay and Joey exert and hurt themselves.
MN: Hurt is a good word for this. Joey might have some more coming right about…
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
NOW.
DT: Lindsay Troy let Melton get up to his feet, and she knocked him right back down with a BEAUTIFUL spinning roundhouse kick! Now she hits the ropes … baseball slide into a flying headscissors….
RIGHT INTO THE DIVINE RIGHT!!!! Lindsay Troy has her devastating signature submission hold locked on dead center of the ring, and if Joey Melton doesn’t tap out, he’s going to pass out from lack of oxygen, suffer a torn meniscus, both, or worse!
DM: Lindsay Troy has stopped many a match with this hold, and she is cranking as hard as she can on it this time. She doesn’t just want Joey Melton to tap out here, Dave. She wants to break his spirit and take away the world title she feels he stole from her at Wrestlestock.
MN: Honestly, aside from the stretching and the unnatural bending and the choking and the immense pain to all parts of the upper body, I really don’t see how this is in any way a bad position to ever be in.
DM: If you’d ask Joey Melton I’m sure he’d disagree.
MN: How could I ask him? I’m pretty sure he can’t breathe very well right now.
DT: Melton has to tap out here, folks. If he ever wants to step inside the squared circle again, he has to submit and walk out of here with his career.
He has to tap, and I think he’s going to! He’s close, very close! Bryan Weatherby checks, but Melton just shakes his head!
CROWD: TAP! TAP! TAP!
DT: Melton is screaming in pain, but he will not quit, and he can’t find a way out!
DM: Actually, the way out is charging straight out of the corner, Dave!
DT: Here comes Triple X! Melton’s close to tapping…
…
…
Baseball slide by Sean Stevens breaks up the hold an instant before Melton would have given in! Joey Melton is still alive, and he rolls outside to recuperate in hopes of still having a chance to retain his title.
DM: After that, the chances of that have to be pretty slim.
DT: Troy and Stevens are the two wrestlers who are still able to stand under their own power, and now the two challengers will go at it! Troy with a kick right to the side of Sean Stevens, but Triple X answers right back! We’re blow for blow right in the center of the ring between the former champ and the Blue-Eyed Badass! Big shot by Lindsay … and Sean counters right back with one of his own! And another! And one more that sends Lindsay bouncing into the ropes…
…she rebounds…
Straight into a Fisherman’s Suplex! Stevens with the pin…
ONE…
TWO…
THRRROOOHHHHNOOOO!!!!! Lindsay Troy once again kicked out a hair’s breadth away from losing this match, and Sean Stevens was literally milliseconds away from being crowned world champ.
MN: Dude. THAT. WAS. CLOSE.
DT: Stevens has taken the initiative now, and he thinks he’s got a chance to finish this match! He whips Lindsay into the ropes … SPEAR!!! He drove his shoulder right into her abdomen and drove her straight to the canvas! Now he brings her up, and he’s signaling for the X-Factor!
DM: If Lindsay turns right into this, it’s over.
DT: Troy wobbles around … here comes the kick …
…
WIDE LEFT!!! Lindsay Troy rolled out of the way! She hits the ropes … Stevens tries a backdrop, but he telegraphed it! Lindsay’s going for the By Royal Decree … Stevens slips out! Troy spins around … HE CAUGHT HER!!!! X-FACTOR RIGHT ON THE CHIN!!!! Sean Stevens is going to be our new world champ! He hooks the leg…
ONE…
TWO…
THREEEEEE!!!! He’s done it!!! Wait! Wait! Hold on just a minute, Bryan Weatherby’s saying Lindsay Troy kicked out! I don’t believe it!
DM: She’s not human. She’s not f(FCC)ing human.
MN: You took the words right out of my mouth, Matthews.
[CUT TO: Slo-mo replay. Lindsay kicks out just before Weatherby’s hand hits the mat the third time.]
DT: Sean Stevens is INCENSED, and the crowd here is split! Half the fans think if was a pin, half think the former champ kicked out!
STEVENS FANS: TRIPLE X! TRIPLE X!
TROY FANS: LET’S GO LINDSAY! **clapclapclapclapclap** LET’S GO LINDSAY!
MN: JO-EY! JO-EY!
DM: Tool.
DT: Stevens is still protesting … NOT ANYMORE!!! Lindsay snuck in and rolled him up from behind…
ONE…
TWO…
NEW WORLD CHAMPION … NOOOO!!! Stevens got out of it just in the nick of time! We’ve been so close so many times here tonight, but still nobody has done what’s needed to walk out of Atlanta with the big gold belt held high!
DM: These three are pulling out some amazing feats here tonight. Joey Melton’s still half-conscious on the outside, and he’s come close several times to both retaining and losing his title. Sean Stevens has been knocked goofy on more than one occasion, but he’s been an instant away from the belt too, and Lindsay Troy is putting on an inhuman display of guts and heart.
MN: I don’t want to see her internal organs. Gross!
DM: Thanks for ruining the moment, Neels.
MN: Aw, shucks. My pleasure, Dean-o-rama.
DT: Stevens is all out-of-sorts now, and Lindsay’s going to take advantage! Lindsay with the kick … caught by Triple X … but Troy hops off with the other foot and hits the enziguiri! What a display of balance and agility after all she’s gone through tonight! Now she pulls Stevens to his feet … locks in the Cobra Clutch … and hits a vicious legsweep! She laid him out with it, and now she’s heading up top.
MN: Cool. She does sweet flippy stuff.
DT: Stevens is just about unconscious, and the Queen of the Ring is going to fly to regain her crown! She leaps…
…
SIX-THIRTY SENTON!!!
…
AND IT CONNECTS!!!! What an amazing move by Lindsay Troy! She crawls over to pin…
ONE…
TWO…
THREEEEEEENOOOOOO!!!!!! Sean Stevens kicked out, and I am in SHOCK!
MN: These people are robots. They’re *******, motherf(FCC)ing piece of sh(FCC)t robots.
DM: Hey Mike, I know it’s a Pay Per View, but still…
DM/DT: FAMILY SHOW!
MN: Eh. Not my kids getting ruined by it.
DT: Lindsay Troy can’t believe she’s not a two-time world champion, and neither can the crowd here in Atlanta. Now she picks Stevens up and lays in a couple of stiff shots to the body. She sprints for the ropes … jumps straight to the top …
SHE SOARS…
…
CROWNING GLORY!!! CROWNING GLORY!!!! Corkscrew moonsault into the reverse DDT, and Lindsay Troy is going to get her title back!
DM: Don’t be so sure!
DT: She turns around to pin … but Melton’s back and he hits her with a steel chair he picked up at ringside! Joey Melton just knocked Lindsay Troy unconscious and he’s going to steal the world title again!
MN: Woohoo! EVIL WINS AGAIN~!
DT: Melton stalks over, and he wants to end this with the figure four! He steps over the leg…hold on! Inside cradle by Triple X!
ONE…
TWO…
NO!!!! Joey Melton almost got suckered in, but he kicked out at the very last moment again!
MN: Hot damn, this is getting the palpitations going.
DM: For once, Mikey, I totally agree.
DT: Stevens and Melton both get to their feet! Joey fires off a chop … Stevens ducks, and tosses Melton all the way across greater Gwinnett County with a belly to back suplex! He threw Melton like he was a welterweight!
DM: That, boys, is an astounding show of strength considering the beating he’s taken.
DT: Stevens senses the momentum has come to him again. Melton’s down, and he heads up top … he sets himself and leaps…
…
CORKSCREW SHOOTING STAR…
…
BUT NOBODY’S HOME! Joey Melton rolled away and Stevens faceplants on the mat yet again!
MN: His face is gonna look REAL ugly tomorrow morning.
DT: Melton hooks Stevens, he’s going for that slingshot suplex! This has been money for Melton over his twenty year career! He slingshots Triple X…
…
The King of the Cage floats over! He’s got Melton hooked for the X-Terminator!
…
NO! Melton slips out and caught Stevens with a low blow! Now he hooks the head again … SLINGSHOT BRAINBUSTER! Slingshot brainbuster, and he hit him with it square on the unforgiving surface of that steel chair he used earlier! Sean Stevens is out cold, and it looks like Melton’s going to leave Atlanta still world champion.
DM: Umm…not so fast, my friend.
DT: Lindsay Troy is somehow, someway, standing back up! Melton is going for the pin, and he doesn’t see her! Here comes Lindsay, and she hits a diving clothesline that sends Melton out to the floor! Lindsay’s got her chance! But … what’s she doing?
DM: Something very, very bad for Joey Melton, Dave.
DT: Melton’s staggering to his feet outside the ring …
…
Lindsay springs to the top rope and takes flight!
….
CROWNING GLORY!!!!
DM: Sweet heavenly mother of God!
MN: They’re dead. They’re both freaking dead.
DT: Lindsay Troy hit the Crowning Glory from the top rope to the floor, and both she and Joey Melton are out. Lindsay might’ve cost herself and Joey the world championship AND their careers with that all-time highlight reel move!
DM: That was … unreal. Just unreal, guys.
DT: Sean Stevens is pulling himself to his feet, and he sees the carnage outside! He’s got to act quickly! He scrambles outside, and he rolls Joey Melton into the ring! This is his chance to become world champion! WAIT!! Someone from the crowd!! It’s…..
MN: It’s Joey Melton!!
DT: It’s that damn twin again!!! He’s in the ring with a chair and he cracks Stevens over the head!! Stevens goes down like a SHOT!! COME ON!!!
DM: Stevens is down! Center of the ring! Melton still out! Troy still down on the outside! This could go absolutely ANY WAY!
MN: I am exhausted just WATCHING this contest!
DM: All three competitors have given their all and--
[A buzz sweeps through the arena, turning into an all-out eruption. A slender figure has sped down the aisle -- steel chair in hand. It takes just a second for the announcers to recognize him. A moment later and the fans are screaming his name.]
DT: It's ICE TRE!! ICE TRE IS IN THE RING NOW!
MN: And he's got a steel chair of his own!!!
[Standing over a stirring Sean Stevens, his lips are curled in amusement. He slowly brings the chair high above his head as the fans cheer him on as twin Melton looks on.]
DM: His agent PROMISED Stevens that Ice Tre would not cost him this match! He SWORE!
DT: That was the deal!
[Tre bobs his head along with the fans chanting his name, then, suddenly, his eyes turn to Joey Melton –errr….the one standing. And he BLASTS HIM across the skull with the steel chair.]
DT: OH MY GOD?!? Chairshot to Melton?!?
DM: Melton #2 is DOWN!
[Lindsay Troy regains her composure, brushing her hair from her eyes and rolling in the ring ... just in time to catch a glimpse of Tre blowing her a gangsta kiss as she gets to her feet ... and then CRACKING her with the same steel chair. The crowd is reeling, elated to see Tre in the ring, making things happen, but shocked at the events transpiring.]
MN: He just LEVELLED Troy! What is going on?!?
DT: Stevens HAS to be next!
[Tre, surprisingly, throws the chair down and out of the ring ... he grabs Stevens by his arm and visibly struggles to drag him across the ring.]
DT: Wait ... what is he DOING?
DM: Is he ... HELPING Stevens?!?
[He drapes Stevens arm over Melton, then slips out of the ring not-so-gracefully.]
DT: ONE!!!!
TWO!!!
THREE!!! NO!!!! OH MY GOD JOEY MELTON KICKED OUT!!!!
DM: Ice Tre can’t believe his eyes and he’s outta here!! Tre is running for the hills!!
DT: I don’t blame him!!
MN: He did his damage though!!
DT: Now all three …make that four are down!! Which Melton is which?!
MN: You expect ME to remember that kinda stuff???
DT: Melton stirring and up!! He’s over to Stevens, he’s wrapping him up….FIGURE FOUR!!! NO!!! SMALL PACKAGE!!! ONE!!!! TWO!!!! NO!!!! STEVENS TO HIS FEET!!!! MELTON UP!! RIGHT HAND BY MELTON!! STEVENS DUCKS!!
He hooks the head!!!!
…
X-TERMINATOR!!!! OSAKA STREET CUTTER!!! He planted him right in the middle of the ring with that vicious X-Terminator! He hooks the leg…
ONE…
TWO…
THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! YES! YES!!! TRIPLE X HAS DONE IT! AT LONG LAST, IT IS SEAN STEVENS TIME TO SHINE!
[SFX: Bell rings, crowd EXPLODES]
TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match…
AND NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW EMPIRE PRO WRESTLING HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD…
TRIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPLLLLLLEEEEE ECCCCCCCCCCCKKKKSSSSSSS…
SEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAANNNN STEEEEEEEEVVVEEEENNSSSS!!!!!!!!!
[CUE UP: “Public Service Announcement”. Bryan Weatherby grabs the belt from ringside, and hands it to a shocked Triple X, who holds it in the air triumphantly before falling to his knees and looking at the title, basking in the cheers of the crowd.]
DT: Ladies and gentlemen, after an EPIC contest, Sean Stevens has overcome both Joey Melton and Lindsay Troy, and a new guard has risen in EPW! Sands, Beast, Troy, Melton, and now Sean Stevens completes a quintet of legends to hold the most prestigious championship in wrestling today!
There’s nothing else to say except, the Triple X era has officially begun here in Empire Pro! And if I was Ice Tre, I’d stay as far away from Stevens as I possibly could!
As always, for Mike Neely and Dean Matthews, I’m Dave Thomas saying goodnight from Russian Roulette in Atlanta! We leave you with our brand new World Champion, “Triple X” Sean Stevens!
[Stevens stands on the top turnbuckle, holding the belt high in the air in celebration. Then, out of the corner of his eye he sees the replay….with Ice Tre interfering and a deep irate gaze comes over his face.
The camera holds the shot for a while, the crowd’s deafening cheers supplying the soundtrack, before we…
…FADE TO BLACK]