[MUSIC UP: “Never Wanted to Dance” by MSI, TBM Remix, the crowd boos loudly, with some die-hard Felix Red supporters cheering as Felix Red comes through the curtain, wearing a black leather jacket with ‘’You’ll Be Sorry” on the back in white. Tights in black, red and white with spirals of all three colors all over them. Gotho follows behind in a trenchcoat that is most likely covering up whatever horrors it is he’s wearing beneath it.]
TF: The following contest is a STREET FIGHT…Set for ONE FALL…Introducing first, hailing from Nowhere, Massachusetts…Weighing in at 221 pounds…FELIX!! RED!!
DT: Felix Red, one half of the former Forsaken making his way to the ring…Lord knows why on earth he attacked The First at Aggression…
MN: Who cares? Anytime anyone beats that punk up I’m always happy…We need more senseless beatings of that moron!
[Felix’s music fades out…A few moments pass…MUSIC UP: “Happy Birthday” by The Birthday Massacre and the crowd pops HUGE. The First stands at the top of the rampway, Muse flanking him. First stands there soaking in the ovation. His face is painted white from the eyes down, the words Hate, Anger, Enmity, and Fear written in black, with black lines running through them. First’s forehead is painted black with the word “HOPE” written in white. Both his hands and arms are taped, his right arm has the word “FATE” written in block letters, the left “Destiny” in cursive.
He’s wearing a black “Painted Up Freak” T-Shirt cut into a wife beater, black gi pants, and black ring boots. Muse’s hair is light blue and shoulder length, she has on a blue tank top and spandex shorts with knee high combat boots. ]
TF: And his opponent…From Salem, Massachusetts, weighing in at 207 pounds…THE!! FIRST!!!
[First slides into the ring under the bottom rope, rather than posing for the crowd he charges at Felix and tackles him to the mat, the bell rings as First hammers away on Felix with punches!]
DT: WE’RE UNDERWAY AND WE GOT A FIGHT ON OUR HANDS! First with a mount on Felix and just hammering away on him with rights and lefts…Felix throws First off of him and both men get to their feet…First rocks Felix with a series of right hands and then a DROPKICK sends Felix to the mat…First over for a cover…NO! HE’S BASHING THE BACK OF FELIX’S HEAD REPEATEDLY INTO THE MAT!
DM: The First isn’t here to win this match, he’s here to beat the hell out of Felix Red, and he’s off to a good start.
DT: Felix rolls to the floor and The First follows him to the outside…Felix catches First with a drop toe hold and First crashes FACE FIRST into the RING STEPS. Felix stomping away on First now. He pulls him up to his feet and hooks him…Suplex…DROPS HIM STOMACH FIRST ON THE GUARDRAIL!
MN: Take that you freak! You wanted to fight a maniac at his own game, enjoy getting destroyed you moron!
DT: First falls onto the floor at ringside and Felix stomps him a couple times, First pulled back to his feet and now whipped into the steps..NO! REVERSAL AND FELIX CRASHES INTO THE STEEL STEPS!
DM: First showing Felix he can fight fire with fire.
MN: A lucky break, he is still way out of his element, which is watching Twilight and debating the merits of Emos vs Goths.
DT: First now grabs Felix and repeatedly bashes his head into the steps…First picks Felix up and SLAMS him on the floor…First now lifting the padding on the floor exposing the concrete on the floor…First grabs Felix and sets him up for a pile driver…NO! BACKDROP BY FELIX! First hits the cement hard!
DM: Felix may have saved the match with that move, I can’t imagine even him getting up from a pile driver on exposed cement.
MN: This idiot has to be scared for his life fighting the guy who carried his ass, already he’s trying to kill Felix!
DT: Felix now takes the top half of the ring steps and now he’s waiting on The First to get to his feet…First is up…And FELIX THROWS THE RING STEPS AT HIM! [Loud crash!] FIRST HIT IN THE HEAD WITH THE STEPS! THE COVER!
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!!
DT: First kicks out at 2! [crowd pops!]
DM: I didn’t know this was falls count anywhere.
MN: Well now you do, brainiac! What did you think a street fight was, something inside the ring?
DT: Well while you two try to determine the meaning of everything. Felix punching away on The First, who grabs Felix’s tights and pulls him into the ringpost! First getting back to his feet and just hammering on Felix with right hands.
MN: Dammit Felix, come on, don’t let this idiot get any offense in.
DT: First now bashes Felix’s head into the ring post repeatedly and now he’s going under the ring…He’s got a table :: Crowd pops! :: First now setting up that table at ring side.
DM: You knew a match like this was going to get violent, the ring steps and ring post have been used liberally and now we got a table.
MN: This isn’t right, this buffoon has no business getting out weapons, why does EPW stock so many weapons under the ring! I want this whole company investigated!
DT: While your insane ramblings are ignored, First sets up the table and now puts Felix Red on top of it…First into the ring…SLINGSHOT LEGDROP ONTO FELIX…NO! FELIX MOVED! FIRST CRASHES HARD THROUGH THAT TABLE!
MN: HA HA! Crash and burn you punk!
DT: Felix now going under the ring and he’s throwing a series of chairs into the ring…What the hell is he planning? Felix now rolls The First into the ring and he goes in after him…Felix grabs The First and PLANTS HIM WITH A DDT! Felix now unfolding those chairs….He’s got 6 chairs in 2 rows of three chairs each and now he lays First across the chairs…Felix going up top…SHATTERED HORIZON!! NO! FIRST MOVED!! AHHHH!!! FELIX HIT THOSE CHAIRS LIKE A ROCK FALLING OUT OF THE SKY!
DM: Felix might have broken his back, or an arm, or well, anything, that was just BRUTAL!
MN: Can this guy get any luckier? Really, this is just sickening to watch…
DT: Felix is down…First grabs one of the steel chairs and waits for Felix to get up…He does…BIG CHAIR SHOT! [Smack of steel, crowd pops!] and Felix falls out of the ring onto the floor…First follows him to the out to the floor…First now measuring Felix with the chair…Wait! Gotho just grabbed the chair away from First…Gotho now with the chair…MUSE WITH A UPPERCUT TO THE GROIN!
MN: Why do chicks always do that?
DM: What kind of women do you hang out with Neely that constantly uppercut you in the groin?
MN: I’m not getting into it.
DT: Felix now getting to his feet, Muse jumps on his back…I think she’s trying to choke him out…FELIX RUNS HER INTO THE RINGPOST! [Boos!] Felix just ran backwards and smashed Muse into the ring post!
MN: Good, anyone dumb enough to side with this lunatic should take a beating!
DT: First charges Felix and the two men trading punches…Felix drives First into the guardrail, and now flips him over it! Felix and First now fighting in the crowd! Both men now climbing the steps, where the heck are they going.
DM: This is clearly a fight that wasn’t going to be contained to the ring...Who knows where this match will end!
DT: The Forsaken now out on the concourse inside the arena…Felix dragging First towards a wall…First blocks, and now drives Felix’s head into the wall! They keep fighting down that hallway…Now in front of a concession stand…OH LORD…[Breaking glass!] FIRST JUST THREW FELIX INTO A POPCORN MAKER! First now grabs a cup and fills it with ice…And bounces that off the back of Felix’s head!
DM: This might be the kind of fight Felix Red enjoys, but The First clearly is matching him in the brutality department…
DT: First now pulling a stumbling Felix down the concourse, and now he just threw Felix into a bathroom!
MN: I had a feeling this match was going to end up there…
DT: First now going after Felix, and gets a thumb to the eye…Felix BASHES First’s head into the counter where the sinks are…And now a HIPTOSS onto the floor…Felix now grabs The First and STICKS HIS HEAD IN A TOILET.
MN: Drown him! This would be the greatest finish to a match ever!
DT: First flushes the toilet to get himself some air and then drives the back of his head into Felix’s face…Felix staggers back and then gets SMASHED into a mirror! First hammering away on Felix with right hands and pushes him out back into the concourse…First stomping away on Felix…First grabs Felix…And THROWS HIM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STEPS!! They are back in the arena area with Felix now having just been splattered down a flight of steps…[Crowd cheering]
DM: I’m stunned this fight is heading back in the direction of the ring, I thought this would end somewhere near the state line!
DT: First now walking down the steps towards Felix…Who trips First and sends HIM down a flight of steps! First gets to his feet and gets drilled by a series of punches from Felix…Now they are heading back to ringside! Felix pulls First to his feet by his hair…First grabs Felix and lifts him off the ground…HOTSHOT ON THE SECURITY RAILING!! First now throws Felix onto the floor next to the ring….First over the railing after him…First stomping away on Felix now…
MN: Dammit, get Felix some drugs or something, this isn’t right!
DT: First now throws Felix back into the ring…First going under the ring and now he’s got a giant stop sign!
DM: All of this is totally legal, and given what Felix did to The First at Aggression, you would have to have expected this.
DT: Felix stumbling to his feet….First slides that stop sign into the ring and now gets in the ring…FELIX WITH A ROUND HOUSE KICK! He nearly BEHEADED The First with that! Now Felix grabs that stop sign and he’s waiting for First to get to his feet…First gets up staggering…Felix charges with the sign…GETS SPRAYED WITH GREEN MIST!! FIRST JUST BLINDED FELIX!
MN: He tagged with him all that time, he had to know that was coming, the drugs have rotted his brain…Argh…
DT: Felix staggers away from First…FIRST GRABS HIM FROM BEHIND…SOULBREAKER!! First now puts that stop sign on top of Felix…First to the outside…He’s up top…CUT THE THREAD ONTO THE STOP SIGN! [Pop!] HE COVERS!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!
[Bell rings, MUSIC UP: “Happy Birthday” by The Birthday Massacre as the crowd pops loud.]
TF: Here is your winner…THEEE!!! FIRRRRSSSTTT!!!
[First stumbles to the ropes, gets to his feet, then rips off his wife beater and throws it into the crowd, causing a lot of high pitched shrieking. He gets to his feet with his arms raised.]
DT: A tough, hard fought win for The First as he defeats his former partner…Who knows what this win will mean for the career of The First…And up next, Anthology is in action once more as Copycat tries to take Layne Winters’ Television Title… in a ladder match!!
DT: And it looks like we have time to get back to Fusenshoff and Stalker kicking each other’s asses all over the arena. They’ve been spotted at concession stands and dressing rooms….
MN: I heard a rumor that Stalker hit Fusenshoff with one of the zamboni’s that the St. Louis Blues use to resurface the ice here.
DM: Yeah I bet that hurt. Those things move like five miles an hour. Get real Neely.
MN: I said RUMOR Dean… RUMOR. Those things aren’t true like ninety percent of the time.
DM: Just be honest, you completely made that up.
MN: What? I can’t make up rumors just like everybody else?
DT: We’re back with this epic brawl. They’ve made their way out to the parking lot.
MN: Hey, that’s my Camaro.
[SMASSHH!!!!]
MN: NOOOOOOOO!!!! MMYYYY BAAABBBYYYYY!!!!
DT: Fusenshoff just put Stalker’s head into the side door of Mike’s new Chevy. Karma can be a real b*tch sometimes.
DM: Mike, I’ve felt sorry for you plenty of times, but never for anything other than you just being the way you are. Lord knows your elevator doesn’t go to the top floor so to speak… but you’ve been doing better with yourself. Instead of gambling you’ve been making car payments and being a responsible adult.
[Silence and a sheepish look from Mike.]
DM: Your mom pays the car payments doesn’t she?
MN: Well it counts as my birthday present.
DM: HAHAHA!!
DT: HAHA! OOOOOOHH!!! Fusenshoff just smashed Stalker’s face through Neely’s rear-view mirror.
MN: GET AWAY FROM MY CAR!!!
DM: You could always go out there and stop them Mike.
DT: While Mike cries about the car his Mom pays for while knowing he can’t do anything about it, Stalker is up and just hit Fusenshoff with a low blow. That was one of the few wrestling moves we’ve seen so far.
DM: I think Fuse is FINALLY starting to flip out a bit. ‘Be careful what you wish for’ springs to mind here.
MN: Right. That idiot could’ve been the ultimate weapon for The Fallen and now all he cares about is destroying both Stalker AND my car.
DM: I hope your Mom has insurance.
MN: Geico… she loves that gecko.
DT: Don’t we all. Fusenshoff has refused to play Stalker’s games despite all the tortures and punishments he’s suffered. It’s been pretty noble, but it’s clear now he’s finally been pushed past his breaking point.
MN: The beginning of the end guys.
DT: Stalker has a pylon and he’s smacking Fuse with it. He just realized that pylons don’t hurt much, so he just pulled it over Fuse’s head. Now Stalker lands a standing kick into the chest of Fuse, who crashes hard into the metallic dumpster. Stalker pulls Fuse’s neck to the edge of the dumpster and begins crashing the lid over his head.
MN: Stalker is one malicious son of a gun.
DM: And he has picked up right where he left off with Rocko Daymon. You have to admit he’s persistent.
MN: He’s a genuine role model for all our youths at a time in our country when there are few idols out there to emulate. Our idols are marketed, voted on and processed like an automobile on a production line. Stalker doesn’t fit that mold.
DM: You can say that again.
MN: Nah that was like three full sentences. I’m too lazy to repeat it.
DT: It’s a figure of speech Mike. Stalker just hit Fusenshoff with a parking sign as he barely keeps his footing and slips down the arena’s delivery ramp. We have to cut back to our regularly scheduled match now, but we’ll keep you fans posted on what’s going on between these two.