DT: Next up on the docket is the second match of the night for The Anthology’s formidable tag duo, Jared Wells and Larry Tact.
MN: You call that a match?! That’s preposterous! Big Dog and Dan Ryan just jumped Tact and Wells! I’ve never seen such a rotten display of sportsmanship.
DM: Do you listen to yourself when you talk Mike? You applaud behavior like that on a nightly basis.
MN: No Dean. I applaud behavior like that when it’s reasonable and just. Big Dog and Dan Ryan had no justifiable reason to assault Larry and Jared the way they did.
DM: Well considering the Anthology attacks just about everyone in the back constantly, I’d say the reason was to give them a taste of their own medicine.
DT: Here come the challengers. Jungle Storm has been on a roll since winning the tag team battle royale at the last pay-per-view. These two know how to put on a show and back up their talk with action. They’ve been rewarded with a shot here against the only team who could finish off The Forsaken.
MN: I think Wells said it best this week guys. Anthology’s first match of the night, four World Champions fought in the ring. Knocking off The Forsaken was huge. Ryan and Dog knew they couldn’t win so they resorted to childish debauchery. If Tact and Daddy can polish off Jungle Storm after that savage beating, it’ll prove they’re the best EPW has to offer.
DT: For once you’re starting to make at least a little bit of sense Mike. Here comes Jungle Storm now.
Green and yellow lights flash throughout the arena. “Back To The Primitive” by Soulfly is played, and the trio make their entrance as the grinding heavy metal guitar and tribal drums begin to blast over the speakers. Dos Santos does the “big man walk” to the ring with a super intense look on his face. Carvalho aggressively talks to himself while slapping the fans five on both sides of the aisles. Silva is bouncing up and down, pointing aimlessly and aggressively talking a ton of sh*t. They look pumped as they get in the ring.
TF: Lllladies and ggggentlemen, this match is for the Emmmmmpire Proooo Taaaagggg Teeeaammmmm Tiiiiittlllesssss!!!
A large pop is heard from the crowd as Jungle Storm raise their hands.
TF: At a combined weight of five hundred and ten pounds… they are from Curitiba, Brazil… accompanied by Rrrricardoo… “Lllllightniiiiinnngg” SSssiilllvvaaa… they are GGAABRRRIIIELLL CARRRRRVALLLLHO and MAURRRRICIIOOO DOSSSSS SSSSSANTOSSSSS… JJJJJJJJUNGLLLLLLLEE SSSTORRRRRRRMMMMM!!!!!!!!
DT: And the fans are going crazy for Jungle Storm! They really love these guys and their crazy antics. At the exact opposite end of the spectrum is The Anthology, whom the fans loathe.
”Pieces” by Hoobastank blasts over the sound system as the fans begin their onslaught of boos. Larry Tact and Jared Wells are obviously in serious pain as they walk down the ramp. Normally berating the fans, instead these two seem to be talking amongst themselves. They gingerly walk up the ring steps and into their corner. Jungle Storm, meanwhile is jumping all over the place, looking like a couple of shaking cannons ready to explode. They’re coming dangerously close to the tag champions, who even injured are still very dangerous. The champs look focused and coordinated, if also a little weary.
The fans are screaming obscenities and ready to jump on The Anthology tag team champions as Tony Fatora takes the microphone.
TF: AAAAAAnnndddd your EEEE-PPPPPP-WWWWW TAAAAAGGGG TEEEEEAMMM CCCCCHHHHHHHAMMMMPIONSSSSSSSS!!!
At a combined weight of five hundred fourteen pounds… representing both Baltimore, Maryland and Manhattan, New York… they are two of the prominent members of EPW’s ANNNTTHOLLLOGGGYYYY [crowd jeer]… LLLLAAARRRRRYYYYY TACCCCCTTTT AAAANNDDDD JJJJJJJJAARREEEDDDD WWWWWEELLLSSSSSSS!!!!!!
DT: And here it comes from the fans. They’re two of the most hated members of a stable that is loathed in EPW.
MN: Which is total bull. I mean these guys are living the American Dream. They party and win. The Anthology is a bunch of winners reaping the rewards of their success in nightclubs all around this country. What could be better? I wish they’d let me in Anthology.
DM: Good teams always need cheerleaders Mike. You’re part of the team already to some degree. Of course, it involves you standing off to the side and wearing a skirt, but you’re used to that.
MN: Have you always been in the business of destroying dreams Dean?
DT: The bell rings and this one is underway. It looks like Jared Wells will start for Anthology here as he looks to be the least battered of the two from the first bout. Carvalho starts things off for Jungle Storm and the two circle each other. The theatrics begin immediately, as Carvalho grins and waves his arms in the air, looking for Wells to be the first to strike. Instead Wells angles Carvalho into his own corner, where Tact is able to land a swift elbow to the side of Carvalho’s head. Carvalho turns to hit Tact and Wells rolls him up from behind. The ref goes down for the three count.
1…
2…
Flailing his legs around, Carvalho gets one of his toes on the ropes and the referee breaks up the count.
DM: Wow that was CLOSE. Undoubtedly Anthology would’ve picked up a lightning fast win here.
MN: Absolutely brilliant! Only a stroke of luck saved Jungle Storm there. They’re beaten pretty badly, so Tact and Wells seize an immediate opportunity to exploit the lack of experience Jungle Storm has and go for the quick rollup. Man, I love these guys!
DT: Carvalho, for some reason, still won’t hit Wells. He’s tapping his chin, taunting Wells some more. Wells throws a few punches, but still nothing from Carvalho.
Silva: NNNNOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!
DT: And here comes Carvalho. He’s throwing lefts and right like a crazy man.
DM: HAHA! That’s pretty funny. Remember in Rocky 4 when Apollo fought the Russian? He played possum until they yelled from the corner and he went nuts on Creed.
MN: That’s ridiculous. They must’ve had nothing better to watch on the plane from Brazil.
DM: Well things aren’t working out as well for Carvalho here as they did for Ivan Drago.
DT: Carvalho with a few good punches, but Wells reverses one of them into an armbar. Carvalho is having a tough time wiggling out of this one. Finally the referee breaks the hold as he sees Wells using his left leg for leverage.
MN: Damn ref.
DT: Carvalho moves to his corner to tag in Dos Santos. Mauricio nails Wells right away with a running clothesline. He pounces on Wells with a barrage of punches. Tact breaks it up by running in the ring and landing a dropkick to Santos’ head. The ref immediately grabs Larry and pulls him back to his corner of the ring. Wells and Santos are both up. They lock horns, but Wells has a bad shoulder from the fight earlier. Santos executes a snap suplex, followed by a DDT once he gets Wells to his feet.
DM: Jungle Storm is looking impressive here, while you can clearly see that Wells is feeling the effects of his previous encounter with Ryan and Big Dog.
MN: It’s all just a setup, you’ll see.
DT: Santos with a quick pin.
1…
2….
And Wells fights out of it, but the strength it takes leaves him vulnerable to a Sleeper Hold by Santos. Tact wastes no time jumping in to save his teammate. Tact is pulled back to his corner again by the referee. Wells seems like he’s running out of gas from the fight earlier, but fights to get to his feet and tags Tact in immediately. Larry is hobbling but on point as always with a picture-perfect hip throw on Santos. Picking up Santos he lands a flawless Kickswing DDT and Santos seems to be reeling.
DM: Look at Carvalho and Silva trying to fire up the crowd. They might want to pay attention to the match though.
MN: One thing you can say about everyone in The Anthology, don’t give them any breathing room because they’re all wily vets that will capitalize on it.
DM: What was that?
MN: Did you see that?! Tact just signaled Wells for something.
DT: And Tact is pulling Santos to the middle of the ring. He looks to be setting him up for a piledriver. OOHH! He just crumpled on that bad leg while lifting up Santos.
DM: Wells just grabbed one of the tag belts from the announcer’s table.
MN: Looks good! And he’s holding it behind his back. I can’t WAIT to see what he’s going to do with it.
DT: Meanwhile Carvalho didn’t see anything. He’s just now turning back to the match. Tact gets up on one leg and…. He just pulled out BRASS KNUCKS.
DM: Right in front of the referee, who hasn’t missed a thing all match.
DT: Santos is up on his feet now as the ref is trying to pull the knucks away from Larry. He’s watching the whole thing and just standing there. Wells is climbing the turnbuckle…. And nails Santos in the back of the head with the belt!
MN: SWEET!!!!
DM: That looked like it hurt.
DT: Wells rolls through the move and just attacks Carvalho with full force. He knocks Gabe off the apron and slides under the ropes. Tact tosses the brass knucks and pins the fallen Jungle Storm member.
DM: The ref knows he missed something here.
MN: But he can’t do a THING about it! Count damnit!
DT: The referee with the three count…
1…
2…
3!!!
DT: And there you have it folks. Larry Tact and Jared Wells come away with a big tag title defense, their second of the night.
MN: And in majestic fashion, I might add.
DM: Majestic… unfair… against the rules… same thing right? Jungle Storm looked good and with a few more matches under their belts they’ll have another shot at these two in the near future.
MN: Yeah but for now they’re just SUCKERS!!! Tricked, like so many others, by the collective genius of The Anthology!