[Back to the ringside area….]

["Links 2-3-4" by Rammstein hits over the PA and the crowd fills with boos.]

DT: Well folks, that music can only mean one thing, our tag team champions are about to make their way out here to the ring as we get ready for some great EPW action.

[Max and Jecht make their way out from behind the curtain, led by their manager and tag team partner for the night, Leonard Johnson.]

MN: And if I might say so, my pick to retain the tag team titles are the ones making their way down the ramp right now.

DM: That certainly sounds like a bold prediction, Neels. The Highland Park Social Club have really set the world of Empire Pro on fire since they’ve arrived here on the scene.

MN: Have you happened to have been watching the tag team division here in EPW, Matthews? No one has even come close to touching Blitz, and tonight, that trend will continue as the only smiley face we’ll be seeing tonight is the one on Chip Friendly’s ass.

DT: Neels! We may be on Pay-Per-View, but this is still family entertainment!

MN: Hey, don’t blame me. Everyone knows where that smiley face is.

[“Ride of the Valkyries” by Richard Wagner leads the crowd to diminish their amount of boos, but some are still very audible as Slambo the Clown dances out onto the stage. Chip Friendly and Richard Farnswirth follow closely behind as Tony Fatora intros the match.

TF: Ladies and gentlemen… the following six-man tag team match is set for one fall… and is for the EPW World Tag Team Championships…

Introducing first, the challengers…weighing in at a combined weight of seven hundred and forty nine pounds…Richard Farnswirth, Chip Friendly, and Slambo the Clown… The Highland Park Sooooocialll Cluuubbb!

[Minor pop.]

TF: And their opponents…weighing in at a combined weight of eight hundred and thirty two pounds…they are the reigning Empire Pro World Tag Team Champions…BLIIIIIIITZZZZ!!!

[DING DING DING]

DT: Well ladies and gentlemen, the formalities are out of the way and we’re ready to get this action underway as Blitz get ready to take on the Highland Park Social Club in what is really a handicap match with Leonard Johnson being their tag team partner.

MN: That’s right that it is a handicap match. Because the HPSC should have another tag team partner to even this one out. Blitz is here to stay as the tag team champions!

DM: Well, after some deliberations, it looks as though Max and Slambo are going to start this one out. Here we go!

DT: There’s a quick collar and elbow that Max easily wins. He presses Slambo back into the ropes and there’s an Irish whip. Max swings the clothesline, but Slambo ducks the blow. Slambo hits the opposite ropes…

DM: And there’s a big knee that Slambo can’t quite duck as it flips the clown right in the middle of the ring!

DT: Max quickly bounces off the adjacent ropes with a quick elbow drop! Max quickly pulls Slambo to his feet and over to the Team Blitz corner. There’s a tag to Jecht, who quickly enters the ring. Max lifts the near arm of Slambo and Jecht catches him with a well-placed kick to the ribs. Slambo doubles over.

DM: Front facelock by Jecht, who now lifts Slambo up in the air for a big vertical suplex! Jecht goes for a pin…

1…

2…

Kickout by Slambo!

DT: But Jecht will stay on the attack as he pulls Slambo by up. But there’s a right hand by Slambo! And another! Jecht is now the one who is doubled over! Slambo off the ropes…

DM: Big bulldog! Jecht goes face-first into the mat! Slambo rolls over and gives the tag in to Farnswirth!

DT: Farnswirth quickly pulls up Jecht and grabs him in a front facelock of his own. Big swinging neckbreaker there by Farnsy! Farnsy quickly goes for the cover…

1…

2…

But Max breaks it up!

MN: What the hell is this damn ref doing? He’s trying to keep an anxious competitor out of the ring! I don’t believe he’s restraining Max like this!

DT: He’s not the legal man, Neels!

MN: But he’s a competitor who’s simply trying to entertain these fans.

DT: No he’s not! He’s someone who’s simply trying to protect his precious gold around his waist.

MN: You know, it’s partial comments like that that will keep you from ever winning announcer of the year.

DM: Guys, back to the action… Jecht has made his way up here and is exchanging right hands with Richard Farnswirth.

DT: And unfortunately for Farnsy, he’s fighting a losing battle, as the much bigger Jecht has absorbed the majority of Farnsy’s blows and has now backed him into the corner. Farnsy swings, but Jecht blocks it. Jecht quickly hits Farnsy with a right of his own to the midsection.

DM: And now Jecht quickly gets under Farnsy and picks him up to the top rope.

DT: Oh no! What’s he going to do with him up there!

DM: He wraps his hand around Farnswirth’s throat! He could be looking for a chokeslam here!

DT: But Farnsy lands a stiff kick to the chops and Jecht is forced to release the hold.

DM: And now Farnsy is standing on the top rope!

DT: But that damn Max pushes him off! Farnswirth just crashed down to the mat hard, and now it is Blitz with the advantage.

MN: As they will continue to have, because they are the tag team champions, Thomas.

DM: Well, Jecht is already back up here. He pulls Farnswirth up to his feet. There’s an Irish whip. Farnswirth rebounds…

DT: But Farnswirth ducks the clothesline and quickly lands a desperation Russian Leg Sweep! Both men are down now as Farnswirth is still holding his head from that fall off the ropes!

MN: For God’s sake Jecht! It was only a Russian Leg Sweep! Get the hell up and tag in Max!

DM: Both men are crawling towards their corners! It’s a race of wills! They stretch out…

DT: Chip Friendly is tagged in! He charges in and grabs Jecht by the foot! Jecht makes one last lunge…

MN: Uh oh.

DM: Jecht tags in Leonard Johnson! And Johnson is refusing to enter the match!

MN: You tell them Leonard! You don’t belong in that ring! You’re too fragile!

DT: Then he shouldn’t have agreed to this match! And that’s what the ref is telling him right now! The ref is commanding him into the ring! Johnson quickly reaches to Max.

DM: But Chip Friendly pulls him away! He pulls his hand back…

DT: But there’s that damn Max to interject!

DM: But Slambo cuts him off with a shoulder tackle! Slambo and Max topple through the ropes and now it’s just Chip and Johnson in the middle of the ring!

DT: Chip pushes Leonard back into the ropes before whipping him across the ring.

DM: But look at this! That damn Leonard Johnson grabbed hold of the ropes and slid out of the ring! He needs to get back in there and be a man!

DT: Well, Chip looks like he’s going to make him do that as he now slides out of the ring as well!

DM: And Johnson takes off! He’s lapping around the ring to try and stay away from Chip Friendly!

MN: He’s not trying to stay away! This is all part of the strategy to wear down Chip. He’s carrying a lot more weight than Leonard is. And Chip will soon tire out.

DT: Well, we’ll see about that, I guess. Chip now turns another corner…

DM: But Jecht was hiding behind that ring post in his corner and he just came out of nowhere and CLOBBERED Chip Friendly with a clothesline! Jecht rolls the prone Chip Friendly back into the ring as Johnson slides back in as well.

DT: And now look at Johnson! He’s got a lot of confidence with Chip Friendly out on the mat!

MN: Shouldn’t he though?

DT: I guess, but Jecht is the one who did all the work. Johnson has no reason to be walking around with his chest out.

MN: His man is down on the mat.

DM: And now look at him! He’s stomping away at Chip! Now what the hell is he doing? Johnson bounces off the ropes. He rebounds into the other set…

DT: Are you kidding me?! The People’s Elbow as delivered by Leonard Johnson! He makes the cover…

One…

Two…

Three-NO! Kickout by Chip Friendly!

DM: Johnson quickly back up to his feet here.

DT: And now he SLAPS Chip Friendly in the face!

MN: I don’t think that’s a good move Leonard!

DT: And now he does it again!

DM: I think Chip Friendly is coming to! He’s to one knee…

DT: Johnson pulls back…

DM: But Chip grabs his hand! Look at the look in Chip Friendly’s eyes!

DT: Oh my God! There’s a standing Smiley Face by Chip! Johnson is reeling here as he tumbles backwards!

DM: I think he got a tag to Jecht! And what’s worse, I don’t think Chip realizes it!

DT: Chip still has that hold locked in tight as Johnson is pounding the mat vigorously, but it can’t count as a submission because the legal man has just snuck in behind Chip’s back.

DM: Jecht reaches down and grabs Chip from behind. Jecht Shot! Jecht just caught Chip with a modified version of his own Jecht Shot! Chip is out in the middle of the ring! Jecht makes the cover…

1…

2…

Broken up by Farnswirth!

DT: And now Farnswirth and Jecht are going at it! Right hands are flying all over the place! Jecht gets the upperhand as he backs Farnswirth into the ropes. There’s an Irish whip…

DM: Oh my! Max just came out of nowhere and caught the running Farnswirth with that Maximum Impact!

DT: But here comes Chip over to help out Farnsy! He steps in front of the rising Max and locks him in that same modified Smiley Face that he had Leonard Johnson locked in just a few moments ago!

DM: Max is screaming out in pain as the ref tries to pry Chip off of him and regain some control, but Chip is not having it. He keeps that hold locked in tight.

DT: But there’s Jecht to break up the hold! He wraps his hand around Chip’s throat. He lifts him high into the air…

DM: Big time chokeslam there by Jecht!

MN: This one’s over, Matthews! Just ring the bell now!

DT: Don’t say that just yet, Neels. Slambo has just snuck up behind Jecht, who is still hovering over Chip Friendly! Jecht has no idea that Slambo has even entered the ring, possibly forgetting that this is a six-man tag team match!

DM: Slambo grabs Jecht by the shoulder and whirls him around! There’s a quick kick to the midsection by Slambo!

DT: The Last Laugh! Slambo just caught one-half of the tag team champions with that bodyslam-piledriver! That was a phenomenal display of strength by Slambo there to even get Jecht off the ground!

DM: Well, the ring has really been cleared out here.

MN: Not good. Not good at all!

DM: Uh oh. I see what you’re saying, Neels. There are actually two men left in the ring here!

DT: Leonard Johnson is trapped in the ring alone with Slambo!

MN: Good God Leonard! RUN!

DT: Johnson stumbles to his feet as he holds his jaw from that Smiley Face. He stumbles backwards…

DM: And right into Slambo! Look at his face! He knows something’s wrong because the person he just bumped didn’t budge!

MN: Run! Don’t turn around!

DT: He’s not listening, Neels. He turns around and quickly crumbles to a knee! Look at him pleading with Slambo!

DM: And look at this! Is Slambo actually…smiling?

DT: He certainly is as he grabs Leonard and pulls him to his feet. There’s a whip into the ropes and a kick to the midsection…

DM: Joy Buzzer! Slambo just nailed the manager of Blitz with that sit-out butterfly powerbomb!

DT: Leonard Johnson is motionless on the mat! There’s a pin with no one around…

1…

2…

3!!!

[DING DING DING]

TF: Ladies and gentlemennnnn….here are your winners, and NEW Empire Pro Tag Team Champions of the Worrrrrrrllllllllddddddd…The Highland Parrrrrrrrk Sooooooociallllll Cluuuuuubbbbb!!!

DT: They’ve done it! After nothing but dominance from Blitz for so long here in EPW, the Highland Park Social Club have put an end to their reign by defeating them right in the middle of the ring for their tag team titles!

MN: This is crap! Neither member of Blitz was actually pinned! Those titles should still be around their waist!

DM: They agreed to these rules, Neels! If they didn’t think they could win with Leonard Johnson in their corner, they shouldn’t have agreed to the match.

MN: Was he even the legal man?

DT: Who knows? Blitz started that whole bit of pandemonium. They shouldn’t have started it if they couldn’t finish.

MN: But they did finish it! That damn Slambo shouldn’t have been part of the match!

DT: Folks, we’re going to take a moment and try to calm Neels down, but don’t worry, there’s plenty of great EPW Pay-Per-View action yet to come, including our six-person main event for the EPW Title!

NEXT