DT: And now folks a match that’s been literally months in the making, as the King of the Cage champions, “Cocky” Craig Miles and Beast, finally are set for their shot at the gold against the EPW World Tag Team Champions, the Forsaken.
MN: I’m not sure if I care for any of these four guys, all I know is there’s been a lot of talk and now somebody’s going to have to back it up.
[MUSIC UP: “More Human Then Human” by White Zombie” as the crowd buzzes, Anarky, wearing his trademark skull make up, a cut up black-and-white ref shirt and cut up jeans makes his way to the ring with a sick smile on his face.]
DT: And we haven’t even brought up the return of Anarky, who’s presence as guest ref in this match has not pleased the Forsaken!
DM: It was a long time ago that the First came to EPW with a tag partner under a mask called “Dope”. Dope was Felix Red, merely waiting for a chance to unmask himself and attack Anarky, but he never got that chance, and now Anarky is back and he’ll be deciding the fate of the tag titles the Forsaken hold!
[Anarky enters the ring and quickly grabs a mic.]
ANARKY: Cut the music! I just want to say one thing, I’m going to call this match [smirks] right down the middle…And I also know that the Forsaken aren’t above using underhanded tactics to keep their belts, so if the Forsaken are disqualified or counted out tonight, the titles WILL change hands!
[Crowd buzzes!]
DT: I don’t know if he’s really got the authority to lay down such a statement.
MN: Well he thinks he does and he’s the ref, so whatever he says goes!
DT: This is a shocking turn of events and we haven’t even gotten started.
[MUSIC UP: "Ladies and Gentlemen" by Saliva]
DT: And here comes one half of the challengers!
[Beast strides out from the curtain, soaking in his normal wave of boos. He strides to the ring with a swagger wearing black leather pants with black wrestling boots.]
DT: Beast looks ready for combat tonight.
DM: He is clearly dead set on taking out the Forsaken and bringing home the tag team gold.
TF: Ladies and gentleman…The following contest is set for one fall with a one hour time limit. Making his way to the ring first, he hails from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada and weighs in at 285 pounds…THIS…IS…**BEAST**!!
[Beast enters the ring and soaks in more boos from the crowd as he gets ready for battle.]
[The EPWTron comes to life showing us “Cocky” Craig Miles smirking out at the audience.]
MILES: Hey Beast…Beast, over here [Flashes a MILES-Wide grin] Listen up buddy, I’ve been thinking about it, and since you ducked our match with Second Coming, I figured tonight it would only be fair if you took one for the team and won this one by yourself, the way I won that match by myself. So good luck and bring those belts home to daddy! [Miles takes a drag and blows the smoke at the camera, then smiles big again before the Tron cuts out]
[Beast looks outraged at the Tron. He shakes his head and yells “Don’t you screw me Miles! Get your ass out here!”]
DT: Is this legit?! Has Craig Miles really abandoned Beast right before this tag title match?!
MN: Man that is cold, just really cold, Miles knows how to stick the dagger in people.
DT: Beast now glaring at the entrance way, he’s yelling for Miles to get out here.
[MUSIC UP: “Never Wanted To Dance” By Mindless Self Indulgence, The Birthday Massacre remix.]
DM: But that’s not who’s coming out here!
[The Forsaken come through the curtain. To a solid pop. Felix Red wearing a black jacket with “You’ll be Sorry” written on the back in white. Black ring boots with white, pink, and black tights with spiral designs on them, he drags his tag belt along the ground hanging from his right hand. The First wears a black wife beater reading “Fight H8” in white letters on the front, black gi pants, his hair is a mess of blue, black, green and purple. His face is painted white with his eyes made up like the Crow, while his mouth is done up like Heath Ledger’s Joker.]
TF: And their opponents, weighing in at a total combined weight of 455 pounds…They are the EPW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! FELIX RED!! THE FIRST!!! THEEEEE FOR-SAKKKKKKKK-CAN!!!!!”
[The Forsaken enter the ring, the crowd still cheering, The First hopping the top rope and standing on the second rope, while Felix Red slides under the bottom rope and slinks about, smiling at the masses.]
DT: The champs have arrived with still no Miles to be seen, this might just end up a handicap match for the Forsaken, who would have thought the Miles/Beast explosion would happen before the bell here tonight?!
MN: I didn’t think it was likely, Beast might be angry about this turn of events, but I’m furious, I had good money on new tag champs being crowned and I don’t want to have to go into hiding from my bookie!
DT: Oh dear lord…The bell rings and this one is underway! It’s going to be The First leading it off for The Forsaken against Beast. Beast locks up with The First and just TOSSES him across the ring. The First quickly back to his feet and he charges at Beast, who merely SWATS AWAY a dropkick attempt!
DM: The First is going to have to find a new tactic for going after Beast, this stuff just isn’t working!
DT: The First throws a right hand and Beast retaliates! The First is rocked, Beast quickly goes off the ropes…BIG SHOULDER BLOCK sends The First flying to the floor!
MN: Beast isn’t letting this whole Miles stunt get him down, he’s come to fight here!
[As The First regains his wits on the floor, Anarky suddenly lays down a lightning fast count out, The First dives back into the ring at 8.]
DT: Woah…Anarky there with a bit of a quick count as The First was outside the ring, Beast quickly grabs The First…SMALL PACKAGE!
ONETWONO!!!
DT: What a quick count by Anarky and the First JUST escapes it! The First turns to yell at Anarky…BACKSLIDE BY BEAST!
ONETWONO!!!
DT: Another fast count by Anarky and Beast now grabs The First and locks him in a headlock…Anarky asking The First if he’s giving up…Anarky’s looking towards the time keeper, he might call for the bell!
MN: This is the kind of officiating we saw in the Steelers/Seahawks Super Bowl!
DT: Felix Red jumps into the ring and he’s in Anarky’s face, he’s SCREAMING at him to not pull this stunt. Anarky yells back at Felix he’ll DQ him if he doesn’t get out of the ring, and runs a quick count! Felix gets back on the apron before Anarky gets to five…Beast working the headlock as The First pushes Beast into the ropes…Felix Red with a blind tag…The First sent off the ropes…BIG BACKDROP by Beast…WHO GETS THRUST KICKED BY FELIX!
DM: I think the most shocking turn of events there was that Anarky allowed the blind tag to stand!
DT: Felix now stomping away on Beast…Felix off the ropes…BIG LEGDROP…And he covers…
ONE
[Long pause]
TWO
NO!
DT: Anarky not exactly having the same speed on his counts for both sides in this match here as Felix shoots him an angry glare and tags in The First…
DM: The First had no luck in his first go around with Beast here, now we’ll see if he fares any better after Felix got in his offense.
DT: The First grabs Beast and tosses him into a corner…A couple right hands and now he whips Beast into the opposite corner. The First charging across…HANDSPRING ELBOW RIGHT TO THE JAW!
MN: That sure made Beast’s dentist smile!
DT: The First goes back to the opposite corner and he looks to go for another one…Wait a second, Anarky just rushed over to Beast and he’s asking him if he can continue, Anarky’s basically shielding Beast in the corner, The First can’t charge at him or he’ll hit Anarky.
DM: Anarky has sure picked a rather convenient time to be deeply concerned about Beast’s well being here. And The First isn’t happy about it all as he walks over and now starts punching Beast. Anarky finally backs off as The First now grabs Beast and sends him to the ropes…PICTURE PERFECT DROPKICK BY THE FIRST AND A COVER!
ONE
[Pause]
TWO
NO!
DT: Anarky with another slow count! The First is steaming! He picks up Beast and dumps him into the Forsaken’s corner.
[The First says to Felix “He’s not going to count anything, we have to tap him.” as he tags Felix in.]
DT: The First clearly not thinking Anarky is calling this match with any objectivity and he’s telling Felix Red they need to submit Beast, as both members of the Forsaken kick away at Beast before The First leaves the ring…Felix Red now snap mares Beast into the middle of the ring and a DROPKICK TO THE BACK! Felix now grabs Beast’s legs and rolls him over into a Boston Crab!
DM: And so begins the Forsaken’s plan of trying to submit Beast…Beast screaming as he’s trying to fight his way to the ropes to break this hold…Felix leaning back as Beast is fighting this hold.
MN: Well Anarky’s going to one thing for sure, and that’s get Beast beaten half dead win or lose this match, the Forsaken are clearly going to do everything they can to get this crooked ref to give them the win!
DT: You seem to be right about that as Beast now trying to power out of the hold…AND HE DOES! Beast just shot Felix Red off him…Felix now charges back at Beast…WHO ROLLS HIM UP!
ONETWONO!
DT: Felix gets out of it and he’s LIVID! He’s SCREAMING at Anarky who’s pointing at his chin, BEGGING Felix to take a swing at him and lose the tag titles…The First screaming at Felix to calm down and get back into the match…ANOTHER ROLL UP BY BEAST!!
ONETWONO!!!
DT: Felix back up and he kicks the bottom rope is a rage…He’s losing his mind at the antics of Anarky…And he and Anarky are eye to eye now…And Beast is back up and a NECKBREAKER from the big man on Felix! He just grabbed Felix from behind and dropped him!
DM: Beast is a handful by himself, The Forsaken need to keep on him and leave Anarky out of this or his plan to cost them the belts will come to fruition.
DT: Beast now going off the ropes as a dazed Felix gets to his feet…BIG BOOT sends Felix flying to the floor! Beast quickly rushes to a neutral corner to allow Anarky to start a lightning fast ten count!
ONETWOTHREEFOURFIVESIXSEVENEIGHT!!
DT: The First rushes over and throws the injured Felix Red back into the ring to prevent the count-out loss that WOULD make the tag team titles change hands…
MN: I think Beast was busy in his time waiting for Felix to get back in the ring, check out that turnbuckle!
DT: Yes, Beast has taken the turnbuckle off that corner and exposed the STEEL RING inside it…He grabs Felix and goes to bash his head into the STEEL…Felix blocks it! Felix with a back elbow, and now a series of shots to Beast’s head, Beast staggers and Felix now grabs him and goes to send him into the unprotected turnbuckle…BUT ANARKY BLOCKS IT! He’s telling Felix he’ll DQ him if he uses the turnbuckle!
DM: He didn’t seem to have any problems with Beast using it, Anarky continuing to tip the scales in favor of Beast!
DT: Felix with a quick tag to The First who rushes in with a DIVING DROPKICK to the knee of Beast! Beast crumples to the mat and The First now trying to hook him up…TEXAS CLOVERLEAF!
DM: Beast again trapped in a move that will punish his back, first the Crab from Felix, and now the Cloverleaf from The First.
DT: Beast thrashing about, he’s trying to fight this hold for all he can…Beast now trying to power out as he did before against Felix…NO! He falls…Beast might be out!
MN: Will Anarky even care, or will he let it go on till The First breaks Beast’s back?!
DT: Beast again trying to rally…AND HE DOES! The First goes flying into that exposed steel turnbuckle! I think he might be busted open! Anarky’s now waving The First over, I think he wants to check the cut!
DM: A cut stoppage?! That has to be just about the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard of in my life!
DT: But it may be happening as Anarky’s now pulling back The First’s hair and trying to get a good look at that cut!
[Felix yells “Look out!” as Beast gets ready to charge The First from behind.]
DT: The First moves out of the way as Beast charges and Beast just CLOTHESLINED ANARKY! Anarky’s head just hit that STEEL turnbuckle and he falls to the mat! The First goes for a clothesline…Beast ducks and grabs The First…SPINEBUSTER! Felix charges into the ring and Beast DECKS him with a right hand…Beast now hammering away on Felix, meanwhile The First is apparently choking as he’s trying to get to his feet.
MN: I didn’t see what he got hit with, maybe some of the blood went down his windpipe.
DT: Beast now goes after The First…THE FIRST SPITS GREEN MIST IN BEAST’S FACE!
MN: It’s a Forsaken chemical weapon attack! If he turns that loose on the crowd we could have thousands of dead and injured!
DT: Will you be serious?! Beast staggering, he’s been blinded! The Forsaken now taking up positions on either side of him…ART OF DESPAIR! Beast just got BEHEADED!
[Anarky gets to his feet and while clutching the back of his head yells “Cover him!” at The First.]
DT: Anarky demanding a pin and The First gives him one! The count!
ONETWOTHREE!!
[Bell rings. Music up: “Never Wanted To Dance“ by MSI, TBM Remix]
DT: Oh my! Anarky just rang up Beast on a fast count…I don’t know that it would have mattered, but that’s what happened, this one is over!
MN: Beast is still down, I’m sure he won’t be happy with the finish of this one when he gets up, or the start of it honestly.
TF: The Winners of the match…AND STILL EPW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!! FELIX RED…THE FIRST…THE FOR! SAKKKKKKKEEEENNNNNNNN!!!!!
[The crowd cheers as The Forsaken slowly walk to the back holding their tag belts, in the ring Anarky continues to hold the back of his head with one hand while glaring daggers at Beast who’s slowly trying to get to his feet.]
DT: You know rarely does a match end and leave us with more questions then answers, but this one just might. I don’t know what to make of Anarky’s actions, or those of Craig Miles honestly, but one thing is for sure, The Forsaken continue to dominate the EPW Tag Team division.