(CUTTO: Ringside. The camera focuses on the EPW / NEW WrestleSTOCK apron before spanning backwards. CUTTO: Announce team table. Dean Julius, Nick Jive and Tom Gheorghe are sitting, Gheorghe in the middle.)
GHEORGHE: “And we’re here for New ERA’s first match of Day #1 on this enormous two day joint pay per view event .. and what a way to start things off, guys!”
JULIUS: “Nothing says ‘ready to rumble’ like an Unlucky 13 match…”
GHEORGHE: “The object of this match, the only way to win this match, is to staple not one, not two, but THIRTEEN separate playing cards to their opponent’s body!”
JIVE: “WOW.”
GHEORGHE: “This will be an incredible match between Rex Reynolds and MWG. MWG, as you remember is a former P©X Champion .. and Rex Reynolds was involved in the semifinals of the PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme Championship tournament before checking out thanks to Dallas Carter.”
JIVE: “But that means nothing in the here and now on this very special night … these two men are going to battle it out as they both engage on the road to hold the title that is in Chaos’ hands.”
GHEORGHE: “Let’s head up to Carl Jacobs for the ring introductions!”
(CUTTO: Ringside, the lineup for the match flashes on screen.)
JACOBS: “The following match is scheduled for one fall .. and is an UNLUCKY 13 PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme match! The only way to win .. is to staple thirteen playing cards to your opponent’s body! Introducing first..”
(CUEUP: “Price to Pay” by Staind. Rex Reynolds comes out from behind the curtain and makes his way to the ring, staring intently on the center of it, not giving in to the fans screaming around him for a hand slap.)
JACOBS: “He stands six foot four and weighs 258 pounds … hailing from Greenville, South Carolina …. ‘the FUTURE’ … REX … REYNOLDS!”
(The crowd gives a mixed reaction as Reynolds climbs into the ring and goes to the nearest corner.)
GHEORGHE: “Reynolds had a tough time in his return match losing to Nakita Dahaka..”
JULIUS: “He’s looking for the ace in his pocket, excuse the pun, as he tries to one up the former P©X AND Television champion here on the biggest joint pay per view of the year.”
JACOBS: “And his opponent… being led to the ring by Krist Blue…”
(CUEUP: “Faggot” by Mindless Self Indulgence. MWG walks out in a zebra print trench coat and wobbles down the rampway with Krist Blue screaming at the fans.)
JACOBS: “He is a former PRODIGY© CLASSIC XTREME champion … and a two time former New ERA of Wrestling Television champion … EM … DUBBYA … GEE!”
(SFX: Bell rings.)
GHEORGHE: “You can see those staplers lying in each corner of the ring .. and the playing cards are strewn about the mat .. this could get very interesting to say the least!”
JULIUS: “Are you on drugs? ANY match with MWG is bound to get more than interesting! New ERA management already passed out blindfolds for parents just in case!”
JIVE: “MWG seemed to be in retrospective mode coming into tonight’s match .. but claims that even though he’s a has been, he’s still more than Rex Reynolds ever will be!”
GHEORGHE: “I’d highly call MWG a has-been .. even if he did himself. MWG will one day be New ERA World Heavyweight champion .. there’s no doubt about it!”
JIVE: “Referee is starting with his instru…”
GHEORGHE: “MWG JUST DROPPED TO HIS KNEES AND NAILED REYNOLDS IN THE BALLS!”
JULIUS: “MWG doesn’t have time to sit around and wait for the referee to wank, he’s got meth to buy.”
GHEORGHE: “MWG pops back onto his feet .. and he starts drilling Reynolds in the side of the head with some vicious forearms! MWG backs ‘the Future’ into the corner … AND WHIPS HIM ACROSS THE RING!”
JIVE: “MWG likes it rough.”
GHEORGHE: “WAIT! Reynolds stops himself before hitting the turnbuckle pad .. and here comes MWG!”
(SFX: Crowd pops.)
GHEORGHE: “AND REYNOLDS DROPS THE FORMER P©X CHAMPION WITH A REVERSE CRESCENT KICK!”
JULIUS: “MWG tried to get at him in time, but Reynolds was waiting.”
GHEORGHE: “Reynolds now grabbing the former P©X champion .. and he rams MWG’s head into the mat! Reynolds grabbing the legs of MWG .. and he drags him into the center of the ring before dropping an elbow right into the sternum.”
JIVE: “Reynolds recovering nicely after having this match start on MWG’s terms … but he’s going to need to work fast in order to put the innovator of shock wrestling away.”
GHEORGHE: “Reynolds back on his feet and he rips MWG off the mat and backs him into the corner. Reynolds now driving the boots to the midsection… BUT MWG WITH AN EYE GOUGE! MWG is BITING REX REYNOLDS!”
JIVE: “He’s going Mike Tyson on his ass!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG is biting Reynolds … and Reynolds pushes him off! Rex Reynolds holding his ear and looking at MWG … almost terrified!”
JULIUS: “That could have ended up much worse than the bruise he’s going to have there tomorrow … and now Reynolds is coming after MWG!”
GHEORGHE: “Reynolds is pissed .. but MWG stops him short and drops him to the mat with a drop toe hold! AND NOW MWG IS SLAPPING REYNOLDS’ ASS!”
JIVE: “MWG is a fighter one minute, a lover the next.”
GHEORGHE: “Reynolds now with a head of steam as he rapidly crawls into the corner for some protection..”
JULIUS: “This is a P©X match .. there’s no protection!”
JIVE: “Just the way MWG likes it.”
GHEORGHE: “MWG follows him in…”
(SFX: CROWD GROANS!)
GHEORGHE: “OH MY…”
JIVE: “GOD.”
GHEORGHE: “REX REYNOLDS JUST STAPLED A PLAYING CARD ….. RIGHT ONTO THE CROTCH OF MWG!”
JULIUS: “MWG looks down … at the Queen of Hearts!”
JIVE: “I wouldn’t necessarily call MWG a queen …”
GHEORGHE: “MWG still looking down … AND REYNOLDS STAPLES A SECOND PLAYING CARD TO THE FORMER P©X CHAMPION!”
JIVE: “That’s the Jack of Hearts .. hey, three more cards and he could get the Royal Flush!”
GHEORGHE: “Well he just got a knee to the skull! MWG ramming the knee right in the kisser and Reynolds drops the stapler! MWG now rips the Queen from his Crotch..”
JIVE: “That makes more sense.. he’s used to that.”
GHEORGHE: “AND NOW MWG STAPLES IT ON THE FOREHEAD OF REX REYNOLDS! Reynolds with a yelp … and look at the blood coming out from behind the card!”
JULIUS: “Wait a minute .. shouldn’t he .. be using playing cards?”
GHEORGHE: “MWG is now using the stapler .. and he is stapling away on the chest of ‘the Future’ Rex Reynolds!”
JIVE: “Jesus!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG SLAMMING THE STAPLER INTO THE FACE OF REX REYNOLDS! He drags Reynolds out from the corner … MWG picks him up … AND SAMOAN DROPS HIM BACK TO THE MAT!”
JULIUS: “He’s going back for the stapler… and he just grabbed a handful of cards!”
GHEORGHE: “Well that Queen of Hearts is still on the forehead of Rex Reynolds… MWG comes back .. and he flips Reynolds over onto his stomach! MWG placing the card in the middle of Reynolds’ back…”
JIVE: “Wait .. he’s pausing.. wha… oh.. oh Lord.”
GHEORGHE: “MWG PLACING THE CARD ON THE LEFT BUTTOCK OF REYNOLDS … AND HE STAPLES IT IN!”
(SFX: Reynolds screaming.)
GHEORGHE: “MWG GRABS ANOTHER CARD… AND STAPLES IT ON THE RIGHT BUTTOCK!”
JULIUS: “Rex Reynolds is going to have a hard time explaining THAT to his girlfriend.”
GHEORGHE: “Reynolds boots MWG in the face causing him to fall onto the mat … and now Reynolds turns onto his back .. AND HITS MWG WITH BOTH BOOTS TO THE FACE!”
JULIUS: “He better run while he has the chance.”
GHEORGHE: “Reynolds caught MWG good as his bottom lip is busted open .. and MWG just licks the blood off his lips and smiles!”
JIVE: “He was destined for this division if you ask me.”
GHEORGHE: “Rex Reynolds turns to get to his feet .. BUT MWG …. MOUNTS HIM?!”
JULIUS: “MWG IS MOUNTING REYNOLDS …. AND STAPLING HIM AT THE SAME TIME!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG thrusts forward … and staples ANTOTHER CARD … this one on the back! AND ANOTHER!”
JIVE: “That’s five cards… he only needs eight more.. and with the way this match is going, he might just finish twice by that time.”
GHEORGHE: “Oh stop it!”
JIVE: “What?!”
JULIUS: “This is like a scene from a bad B-movie about a psychopathic serial killer..”
GHEORGHE: “MWG finally getting off of Reynolds .. and he grabs him by the hair .. and spins him around… KICK TO THE GUT! DISAPPEAR HE… NO! REYNOLDS CAUGHT THE FOOT! REX REYNOLDS CLOTHESLINES MWG TO THE MAT!”
JIVE: “Reynolds showing some fight .. and some smarts as he anticipated the set up .. but he can’t capitalize.”
GHEORGHE: “Reynolds reaching around feeling the cards on his cheeks … BUT MWG IS RIGHT BACK ON THE ATTACK AS HE GETS ON TOP OF ‘THE FUTURE’ AND STARTS WAILING AWAY!”
JULIUS: “MWG’s not about to let Reynolds take any of those cards off.. his clothes, maybe … but not the cards.”
GHEORGHE: “MWG gets off Reynolds and grabs the stapler .. and he goes back t… no! Reynolds grabs MWG’s arms and is trying to prevent him from stapling any more cards on his torso!”
JIVE: “MWG bearing down on Reynolds .. but Reynolds is holding him off .. for now!”
GHEORGHE: “REYNOLDS WITH A KNEE TO THE BALLS OF MWG! MWG drops the stapler … and falls off of Rex Reynolds!”
JULIUS: “Hmmm…”
GHEORGHE: “Rex Reynolds slowly sitting up .. and he grabs the stapler! REX REYNOLDS WITH THREE CARDS … AND RAPIDLY STAPLES THEM ACROSS THE STOMACH OF MWG!”
JIVE: “He’s going to need to work quicker than that if he wants to catch up to the former PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme champion.”
GHEORGHE: “Rex Reynolds bends down to grab a few more cards ….”
JULIUS: “I KNEW IT.”
GHEORGHE: “BUT MWG WITH ANOTHER LOW BLOW FROM BEHIND! MWG WAS FAKING IT!”
JULIUS: “Low blows have no effect on MWG … besides maybe turning him on!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG spins Reynolds around ….”
(SFX: CROWD POPS HUGE!)
GHEORGHE: “DISAPPEAR HERE DDT!! HE NAILED IT!”
JIVE: “It’s as easy as one, two, three now … well .. I guess four, five, six, sev..”
JULIUS: “We get it.”
GHEORGHE: “MWG scoops up a bunch of cards … and now he … well .. positions himself on top of Rex Reynolds’ face..”
JIVE: “He’s got his crotch in Reynolds’ face!!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG now stapling cards onto the chest of Rex Reynolds .. and Reynolds is out! He’s not reacting to any of the cards being stapled to his chest!”
JULIUS: “That’s … eight .. nine…”
GHEORGHE: “Reynolds still not moving … ELEVEN cards now stapled all around Rex Reynolds’ body.”
JIVE: “MWG has the final two cards in his hand and I think he’s deciding where he wants to place them.”
JULIUS: “This is his masterpiece, Jive .. every card counts!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG now places the final two cards … right over the nipples of Rex Reynolds!! MWG staples the right one down .. that’s twelve cards …………. AND HE PUTS THE FINISHING TOUCH ON THE LEFT NIPPLE! MWG IS VICTORIOUS!”
(SFX: Bell rings.)
JACOBS: “The winner of this match by stapling thirteen cards to his opponent’s body ….”
(CUEUP: “Faggot” by Mindless Self Indulgence.)
JACOBS: “EM ….. DUBBYA …. GEE!”
(MWG looks at his handiwork as Krist Blue slides into the ring and jumps on top of his back.)
GHEORGHE: “By God .. what a way to start New ERA’s showcase … MWG and Rex Reynolds in an Unlucky 13 match .. and MWG hitting the Disappear Here DDT enabling him to staple those last eight cards onto the body of ‘the Future’ Rex Reynolds!”
JIVE: “All I can say is thank God it is over! Who knows where MWG would have stapled those cards had this match progressed any further.”
JULIUS: “He’s a sado-masochist … it could have gone on all night!”
GHEORGHE: “Congratulations are in order for that man … and once more Rex Reynolds has been foiled. What a match.”
JIVE: “Krist Blue looks more excited than MWG does!”
JULIUS: “She didn’t have the Queen of Hearts stapled to her cock.”
JIVE: “KRIST BLUE HAS A DICK?!”
(Julius shakes his head in disbelief as MWG, who was walking by the announce booth with Blue, slowly turns his head towards her and looks down, his eyebrow rising. He puts his arm around her as they continue to walk on by.)
JIVE: “I’m going to be sick…”
GHEORGHE: “Oh, Nick….”
JULIUS: “I don’t get paid enough to put up with him.”
GHEORGHE: “Ladies and gentleman .. we’re going to send you over to the fine gentlemen calling the shots for Empire Pro .. as we’ve got another amazing match coming up on WrestleSTOCK .. the two teams are already in the ring as it’s tag team action between the Highland Park Social Club and the team of Foxx and Karl Brown!”