GHEORGHE: “Ladies and gentlemen … we’re going to send you over to Dean Matthews, Dave Thomas and Mike Neely for Empire’s next match here tonight in just a moment … it should be a brutal affair as it’s the King of the Cage FINALS … JA taking on “Triple X” Sean Stevens! But first, we’re gonna go to EPW’s roving reporter Mojo Massey, who’s standing with a man well known to both EPW and NEW fans…Rocko Daymon!”
[Cut to the backstage area, where reporter extraordinaire MOJO MASSEY stands ready and waiting with a smile and a mic in hand. Standing beside him is a familiar masked person wearing black fatigues.]
Mojo!: Heya guys, you’re not going to believe who I just ran into back here. I’m now standing with the mysterious individual whose presence has had quite an effect in recent events spanning across EPW, NEW, and even TEAM. Although, I guess it’s not quite a mystery any longer…
[The figure removes the scarf covering the lower portion of the face, and Caitlyn Daymon scowls back at the EPW reporter.]
Caitlyn: Go piss up a rope, Mojo.
Mojo!: Just what do you have planned for tonight?
Caitlyn: Tonight? Nothing in particular. I was tempted to walk into that ring later and put Sean Stevens in his rightful place, but I suppose it would be wasted effort at this point.
Mojo!: I’m surprised you didn’t cost him his match against your husband, Rocko Daymon, at the last Aggression.
Caitlyn: Yeah, well… I was about five seconds from doing that until the Vanilla wannabe beat me to the punch. I’ll admit, I made a mistake by not considering his incompetence as a threat to my plan… but life moves on. Tomorrow night, Rocko competes for the NEW World Title, and I’ll be damned if he doesn’t walk away with that belt. Tonight, I’m doing a little recon.
Mojo!: You know, if you keep sticking your nose into his affairs, one day, he’s bound to discover you, and… well, needless to say, I wouldn’t want to be present for whatever follows.
[Caitlyn throws her head back and releases a cackle that makes Mojo wince in surprise.]
Caitlyn: Have you forgotten who you’re talking about? This is the same guy who is too stupid to know his WIFE has been helping him win all his matches in the past few months. Believe me, Mojo, I’ve taken SHAFT from that moron over the past ten years.
Mojo!: Uhh…
Caitlyn: Rocko won’t discover anything, because I’m always a step ahead of him. He’ll continue moving up the ladder, thanks to me, all the while oblivious to his own success. The man is nothing more than a puppet, and I am his master. And you know why, Mojo?
Mojo!: I think—
Caitlyn: It’s because I have a brain, AND HE DOESN’T!! The idiot doesn’t realize that he’s NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT without me in his corner! Without me, he’s nothing! He’s just a walking, talking JOKE that everybody else points and laughs at. He’s an EMBARRASSMENT, Mojo, and I’ll be damned if I live another day with his bull**** rubbing off onto me.
Mojo!: Mrs. Daymon?
Caitlyn: WHAT?!
[Mojo looks off camera uneasily, and Caitlyn turns to follow his gaze. The camera pans over, and standing not far off from where they are, with his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face… is ROCKO DAYMON!]
Caitlyn: Oh, **** me…
[Rocko approaches them, slow and calm in his stature. He comes to a stop in frame with Mojo standing between. He reaches from the scarf in Caitlyn’s hand and takes it from her, glances at it with disdain, and tosses it aside with a “tsk”. He leans in close to look his wife straight in the eyes, whose own gaze shows no signs of letting a single inch of herself be intimidated.]
Mojo!: Uh, Rocko… care to give a word?
[Rocko looks from his wife to Mojo, takes the mic, and looks from Mojo back to his wife.]
Rocko: Too stupid to figure it out, huh?
Caitlyn: Burn in hell, Rocko.
Rocko: I’ll deal with you in just a moment. But first…
[Rocko turns to the camera.]
Rocko: So everybody thinks Rocko Daymon is the laughing stock of professional wrestling. Hardy-har, laugh it up folks… Rocko got fooled by his wife. Doesn’t matter if it’s Empire Pro or New ERA… ol’ bonehead Rocko is simply seen as a JOKE. And you know why that is Mojo?
[Massey shakes his head.]
Rocko: It’s because they need a scapegoat. They don’t have the ****ing spine to take a look in the mirror, see their own mistakes, and face them like men. No, they’d rather find someone they can pick apart on national television and make him out to be a fool… just so they can feel better about themselves. It’s the tell-tale sign of people who lack the confidence in their own abilities to simply say it how it is, go into that ring, and just do it—what I do on a nightly basis, in other words.
[Rocko again glances at his wife, then back to the camera.]
Rocko: Well I hope you all had a good, hearty laugh… because after Wrestlestock… Rocko Daymon will be no laughing matter. I PROMISE that after I step into the ring tomorrow, my name will only lead opponents to shudder with fear and dread. I’ll show them that the only JOKE is their own inability to get the job done the way a PROFESSIONAL does it.
[He turns to Caitlyn yet again, who continues to sneer inches from his face.]
Rocko: And as for YOU. I guess after ten years of matrimony with two children isn’t enough your appetite for attention. A tad jealous that you always had to be in my corner instead of in the spotlight?
Caitlyn: Perhaps. Or maybe I’m just a little pissed off to see this LOSER take up the spotlight for ten years as opposed to somebody who TRULY deserves it after all the **** she’s put up with in all that time.
Rocko: Don’t forget who brought you into this industry. Never ONCE did I lack appreciation for you support, but apparently, riding on my coattails isn’t enough for you.
[Rocko leans in close, an inch away from their face. Both sets of eyes are practically on fire.]
Rocko: Now, you’ve got a choice. You could either get your sorry ass out of my sight for the rest of my life, or you can come down to that ring with me tomorrow night. No masks, no gimmicks… just a single opportunity to redeem yourself in my eyes. You can either go out there with me as CAITLYN DAYMON… or leave this industry remembered as nothing more than Rocko Daymon’s hot wife. Either way, if you think you can snag all of Papa Bear’s spotlight for yourself, then you’ve got another thing coming, *****!
[Caitlyn’s right hand comes across his face like LIGHTNING!! Mojo’s eyes nearly bulge out of his skull in sheer amazement. Rocko reels momentarily and goes stiff.]
Caitlyn: You son of a *****…
[Caitlyn stomps out of frame, leaving Mojo in the awkward position of being on camera with Rocko, who straightens himself and stands with his hands on his hips, looking away from where his wife departed. His face is emotionless.]
DT: JESUS CHRIST!! Did you guys just see that?
DM: I guess this is the end of Rocko and Caitlyn Daymon!
Mojo!: Wow… Rocko, are you just going to take that and let her walk away?
[Daymon takes in a deep breath, eyes squinting light years into the distance as though he were having a truly Ronnie James Dio moment.]
Rocko: Yes, Mojo. Most people might think I’m an asshole, but I still have morals. If there’s one thing I’m not, it’s the kind of coward who hits his wife.
Caitlyn: Oh yeah?
[Unexpectedly, a CHAIR comes into frame and PASTES itself into Rocko’s face!! Daymon sprawls to the floor and Mojo ducks aside, as Caitlyn steps into frame again, teeth clenched and practically steaming at the ears.]
Mojo!: MY GOD!!
DT: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!
[Caitlyn positions herself over Rocko’s body and begins pressing the chair down over his neck! Rocko strains to keep his air-supply from being cut off. Mojo steps into the frame again with the mic, leaning down near Rocko’s face.]
Mojo!: Well, Rocko… I guess she doesn’t see things the same way.
Rocko [raspy]: You know what I just realized, Mojo?
Mojo!: What’s that?
Rocko: Morals are for pussies!
[With a SURGE of strength, Rocko shoves Caitlyn off his neck and rises to his feet! Caitlyn regains her balance and runs in for another strike with the chair… but Rocko meets her with a boot to the gut causing her to double over, and he doesn’t hesitate to put a right hand into her cheek, sending her to the concrete floor. Immediately, Rocko looks shocked at his own actions.]
DT: JESUS CHRIST, Rocko just HIT HIS OWN WIFE!!
MN: Good… that woman needed to be TOLD who was boss!
Rocko: My God… I don’t know what just came over me…
[He reaches down to help her up, but Caitlyn reacts with a LOW BLOW that leaves him howling at a high note!]
DM: MY GOD, not the jewels!
DT: Caitlyn follows up with an uppercut that nearly knocks his head off! A quick series of rights and lefts sends him reeling back…
DM: Are we… calling this?
MN: I didn’t hear a bell ring, and last I checked, I only get paid to call SANCTIONED matches… but this sure is damn entertaining!
DT: Caitlyn finishes off the punches with a GRACEFUL roundhouse kick—BUT ROCKO CATCHES IT WITH HIS, and LEG WHIPS her into the concrete wall! Rocko catches her by the arm and PUTS HER TO THE FLOOR with a hip-toss!
[Daymon stands over his wife, shaking his head with disappointment.]
Rocko: Okay, I think you’ve had enou—
[Before he can finish, Caitlyn’s arm shoots up from the bottom of the frame and catches him by the lower lip, dragging him back to the floor.]
Caitlyn: You haven’t begun to hurt, pig!
DT: Jesus, Caitlyn is REFUSING to be put down!
DM: Caitlyn with a BIG RIGHT HOOK into Rocko’s face! Follows with a BOOT to the gut, and a HARD right knee to Rocko’s face that sends him to the floor!
DT: Caitlyn pressed forward… but Rocko kicks back with both legs, knocking her into the CAMERA MAN!!
[As the image readjusts, we find Rocko standing again, fists clenched and held up in front of his face.]
Rocko: You’re starting to piss me off, woman.
Caitlyn: I’m not your WOMAN, you misogynist piece of garbage!
DT: Caitlyn LUNGES FORWARD with a HUGE left that nearly busts Rocko’s face open! Follows with a RIGHT hook… a JAB… a JAB… takes him by the collar—BIG HEADBUTT NEARLY CRACKS HIS FOREHEAD DOWN THE MIDDLE!!
DM: And ROCKO REACTS with a HEADBUTT OF HIS OWN!! He grabs his wife around the waist… BIG BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX TOSSES HER ACROSS THE ROOM!!
MN: MAN, this just redefines domestic violence! Where the hell is Jerry Springer when you need him?
[Rocko grabs Caitlyn by the hair and pulls her to her feet.]
Rocko: *****, you picked a fight with the wrong man.
DT: Caitlyn responds with an ELBOW TO THE GUT… follows through with a SNAPMARE, and a DROPKICK into Rocko Daymon’s back!
Caitlyn: You’ve had this coming for YEARS, jackass!
DM: Now it’s Caitlyn in control, bringing Rocko to his feet… and now she’s leading him into the crew area!
MN: Outta the way, guys! Domestic dispute!
Caitlyn: BEAT IT, cocksucker!
[Caitlyn shoos away a ring worker from a nearby coffee machine and grabs the steaming cup he was waiting on… and tosses it toward Rocko—]
DT: ROCKO DUCKS OUT OF THE WAY, just in time to avoid a SPLASH of scalding hot coffee to the face!
MN: MY GOD, she hit Larry the sound guy instead!
[The unlucky crew member falls out of the frame, clutching his face and screaming. Caitlyn turns around—]
DT: AND ROCKO DAYMON NEARLY DECAPITATES HER WITH A CLOTHESLINE THAT SENDS HER FLIPPING TO THE FLOOR!! Rocko takes hold of one of the coffee tanks and SHOVES IT OFF—BUT CAITLYN ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY JUST IN TIME!!
DM: Caitlyn on her feet, and Rocko comes after her… but SHE MEETS HIM WITH A DROP TOE HOLD THAT PUTS HIM FACE DOWN INTO THE SPILLED COFFEE!!
DT: Now she’s mounting his back and driving his face even further into that hot coffee!!
Rocko [strained]: Hey, all I need from you now are some bacon and eggs! Maybe when you’re done making that you can iron my shirt too, huh?
Caitlyn: Bastard!
DT: Caitlyn DRIVES Rocko’s face into the concrete, but Rocko pushes himself to his feet and shrugs her off! Caitlyn back up and JUMPS onto Rocko’s back, digging her NAILS INTO HIS FACE—BUT ROCKO REACHES BACK, TAKES HER BY THE HAIR, AND DUMPS HER TO THE FLOOR!!
Rocko [panting]: Temper, temper…
DM: My God, these two are beating the HELL out of each other.
MN: Can’t imagine what the sex must be like…
Rocko: I think you need to cool off…
DT: Now Rocko’s going to the concessions table where all the drinks for the crew have been set up… and he knocks everything aside!
MN: Must be a bummer for being a ring crew member and having all your beverages taken out by these two bickering spouses…
DM: Don’t tell me he’s going to put his wife through a TABLE!?
DT: Rocko has the table set up and he turns around…
Caitlyn: YEEEAAAAARRRGGHHH!!!
DT: BUT CAITLYN LUNGES ONTO HIM LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL, and Rocko falls back onto the table with his wife on top, beating the HOLY HELL out of his face!!
Caitlyn [snarling]: YOU BASTARD!! I’LL RIP YOUR FACE OFF!!
Rocko [between blows]: Uh, Cait—
Caitlyn: Years of putting up with your SELF-STROKING SINGLE-MINDEDNESS have nearly driven me to the point of INSANITY!!
Rocko [strained]: Yeah, but—
Caitlyn: I swear, hell or high water, this world will remember CAITLYN DAYMON before you, you pathetic, chauvinist PIG!!
Rocko: Your tit’s hanging out.
Caitlyn: Huh?
[Caitlyn falls for the bluff and looks down to check, giving Rocko the perfect opportunity to nail her with an eye gouge!]
Rocko: Heh heh… and you think I’M the idiot?
DT: OOOH!! Now that was uncalled for!
DM: Rocko shifts his weight and rolls Caitlyn over onto her back, and now HE’S on top!
MN: Yeah, I bet he likes it on top. He’s gotta show her who wears the PANTS in the family!
DT: Rocko gets a handful of Caitlyn’s hair and starts LAYING INTO HER RELENTLESSLY WITH A BARRAGE OF HEAVY RIGHTS!! MY GOD, HE’S GOING TO BUST HER FACE WIDE OPEN!! Why doesn’t anybody DO anything about this?!
MN: He done told her FIFTY times, by my count!
DM: Rocko finally comes off his wife, but keeps a grasp of her hair… and WHIPS HER FACE FIRST INTO A COKE MACHINE!! Caitlyn stumbles back, and Rocko takes her by the arm… AND NEARLY RIPS IT OFF AS HE SWINGS HER INTO A STEEL GARBAGE CAN!! Daymon keeps his grip, and WHIPS Caitlyn into the wall!! She connects back first, and the back of her head SMACKS HARD against the concrete brick surface!!
DT: Caitlyn stumbles forward, and Rocko catches her around the mid-section… AND FOLLOWS THROUGH WITH A TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM THROUGH THE TABLE!! MY GOD, WHAT CARNAGE!! IS ROCKO TRYING TO KILL HER?!
MN: Looks like the Y chromosome prevails yet again!
[Panting and somewhat chuckling to himself, Rocko Daymon dusts himself off and begins to walk away from the scene of carnage involving his wife lying limp amid the remains of a broken table.]
Rocko [panting]: You’re finished, woman. Though I gotta hand it to ya… you put up a hell of a fight.
[Without warning, a piece of the table comes sailing through the air and bounces off the back of Rocko’s head! Stunned and wincing slightly, he spins around… only to find…]
DT: MY GOD, HOW IS CAITLYN DAYMON STILL STANDING?!?!
[Caitlyn wipes the blood trickling from her lower lip and spits off to the side. Her eyes are practically flaming as she raises her fists again.]
Caitlyn: There’s still some fight left in this woman, asshole!
[Rocko grins slightly as he stands looking back with his hands on his hips.]
Rocko: That’s it… now I’m pulling the gloves off.
DT: Sound the bell for round two! Caitlyn comes STREAKING FORWARD—AND ROCKO POUNCES!! THEY’RE ON A COLLISION COURSE!!
DM: Rocko comes in with a SPEAR—BUT CAITLYN LEAP FROGS OVER HIM, AND DAYMON RUNS HEAD-FIRST INTO THE COKE-MACHINE!! There are CANS spilling all over the floor!
MN: FREE DR. PEPPER!!
DM: It’s Mr. Pibb, Mike. Dr. Pepper is a Pepsi product.
MN: MR. PIBB?! What a gyp… he didn’t even earn his degree in soda-making!
DT: Daymon pulls himself out of the hole his head put into that vending machine… but Caitlyn’s already there, and she brought a STEEL CHAIR!! Caitlyn NAILS Rocko across the back with a chairshot, sending her husband reeling!!
DM: Rocko falls to his knees… but his hands find a loose steel pipe! He gets a grip, and SPINS AROUND WITH A HOMERUN SWING THAT BLASTS CAITLYN ACROSS THE FACE!!
DT: But CAITLYN DOESN’T GO DOWN!! She comes back, SMASHING THAT CHAIR OVER ROCKO’S HEAD!! MY GOD, THE STEEL IS BENT AROUND HIS CRANIUM—
DM: AND ROCKO REACTS BY DRIVING THAT PIPE INTO CAITLYN’S GUT!! Caitlyn doubles over… and a KNEE LIFT BY ROCKO finally puts her to the floor!
DT: Daymon’s standing over her… but Caitlyn grabs hold of a soda can, and BEAMS HIM ACROSS THE FACE!! Rocko reels back and Caitlyn gets back to her feet… she shakes up the can… BUT ROCKO CHUCKS ANOTHER CAN DIRECTLY INTO HER FOREHEAD, and THE ONE IN HER HANDS EXPLODES IN HER FACE!!
MN: MY GOD, guys… I thought I’ve seen everything… but this is by far one of the coolest backstage brawls I have EVER witnessed!
DM: Rocko steps forward and meets Caitlyn with a boot to the gut… and tries to follow up with a POWERBOMB—BUT CAITLYN COUNTERS WITH A HURRICANRANA THAT PUTS ROCKO ON HIS BACK!!
DT: The two of them come to their feet together… and Rocko Daymon greets his wife with a BIG RIGHT HAND that nearly causes her eyes to pop out of her head!! Rocko follows up with ANOTHER RIGHT… AND ANOTHER… AND A LEFT HOOK to throw her off… and he PRACTICALLY LEVELS HER WITH A BIG HAND OF GOD DISCUS PUNCH—BUT CAITLYN STAYS ON HER FEET!!
[With eyes full of rage, Caitlyn turns back to her husband and spits a molar into his face. Rocko blinks with surprise as the loosened tooth bounces off his forehead and falls at his feet.]
Rocko: Jesus Christ!
[His face is immediately filled by her fist as it comes driving into his face like a Mac truck.]
DT: Caitlyn follows up with a SPINNING HEEL KICK, and Rocko goes SPRAWLING toward the floor!!
MN: That woman’s got a hell of a chin on her…
DM: Caitlyn gets him to his feet… looks for a STUNNER—BUT ROCKO COUNTERS, AND DRILLS HER TO THE FLOOR WITH A SCOOP PILEDRIVER!!
DT: How much longer are these two going to go? We’ve got to get on with the other matches!
DM: You wanna step in between them and break it up, Dave? Be my guest. Nice knowing you.
MN: Nobody ain’t stopping ****!! Watching Rocko discipline this woman is QUALITY entertainment!
DT: We’re going to get women’s’ rights groups up the ass after this…
[Rocko again grabs Caitlyn by the hair and drags her to her feet and proceeds to lead her down the hallway. He approaches the first door he comes to, labeled “Parking Lot”.]
Rocko: Nah…
[He leads her over to the next door, which reads “Boiler Room”.]
Rocko: It’s been done to death.
[He brings her next to the restroom area… where the first door reads “Men”, the second reads “Women”, and the third reads “Beau Michaels”.]
RD: …weird.
[Finally, Rocko, with his wife’s head clinched under his arm, comes to a door that reads “Training Room”.]
RD: Bingo.
[With full force, Rocko tosses Caitlyn into the wooden door, which is knocked off its hinges as she falls into the room!]
MN: Where the hell are they going?
DM: That’s the training room… where the Giants go to work out and rest up in between games.
MN: I thought the JETS played here?
DM: They both do…
DT: The camera crew is following Rocko into the room… and OH!! He narrowly ducks as a curling bar goes HURTLING THROUGH THE AIR and crashes into the wall behind him!
Rocko: Heh… you throw like you drive!
[Daymon IMMEDIATELY doubles over as a circular weight is thrown into his midsection! He hits the ground as another follows, aimed at his head!]
DM: Rocko pounces forward… and CATCHES CAITLYN before she can throw another one of those weights! Rocko RAMS HER against the concrete wall… and DROPS HER ONTO A NEARBY BENCH!!
DT: And now he’s going into the spot position… and, oh my God, what’s he doing with that BAR?!
DM: Rocko lifts the bar, but Caitlyn grabs hold and begins pushing back! Jesus, there must be twice her body weight in IRON attached to that weight bar!! And Rocko’s just pressing it down on her, across her neck!
DT: Caitlyn’s in a tight situation now…
MN: Heh heh… “tight”.
DT: BUT CAITLYN STRIKES BACK WITH A HIGH KICK that sends Rocko flailing backwards… and MY GOD, what STRENGTH in that woman as she just PRESSES that bar off of her and tosses it aside!
DM: Caitlyn back on her feet… but Rocko catches her off guard by tossing a HUGE MEDICINE BALL INTO HER FACE, and she goes DOWN!!
DT: Caitlyn’s coming up again… but Rocko meets her with a SHOULDER BLOCK to the face that knocks her into a rack of barbells! Now he has her by the hair, and he’s leading her over to the physical therapy section!
MN: What the hell is that he’s leading her toward… a bath-tub?
DM: No, Mike. It’s one of those big metal tubs the athletes soak in. The hot, bubbling water calms their muscles.
MN: …the Giants and Jets have their own Jacuzzi in the stadium? Do they, like… do gay things in there?
DT: Rocko’s got her by the head, and he’s leading her to the tub… but Caitlyn gets the foot up in time, and DUNKS ROCKO’S HEAD INTO THAT STEAMING WATER!!
MN: Ew…
DM: Is she trying to DROWN him?!
[Rocko’s limbs spastically flail about for a grip as he gurgles helplessly beneath the surface of the water. Caitlyn’s teeth are clenched in absolute rage.]
Caitlyn: You like THAT, “hubby”?! I always figured you always wanted to DROWN in a pool of MALE SWEAT!!
DT: Rocko, with a SURGE of strength, knocks Caitlyn back and FINALLY pulls his head out of the water!! Caitlyn lunges for his throat, but Rocko takes hold of her arm and SLAMS HER INTO THE NEARBY METAL TUB!!
DM: Rocko YANKS her back INTO HIS KNEE… and FOLLOWS THROUGH WITH A DOUBLE-UNDERHOOK SUPLEX, DUMPING CAITLYN INTO THE TUB!!!
[Rocko steps back and takes a breather, chuckling at his own work.]
Rocko: You know only I can make you really wet!
[With a FLOURISH, Caitlyn comes springing out of the water like a lion released from its cage, knocking Rocko backward!]
DT: Caitlyn’s still alive and kicking! She just picked up a long piece of wood used as a splint… and BREAKS IT OVER ROCKO’S HEAD!!
DM: Daymon down and reeling… but he finds a loose fluorescent light bulb, and COMES BACK TO CATCH CAITLYN ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT!!
DT: Caitlyn teetering, and falls against the wall… but her hands find a “No Smoking” sign, and she rips it off the wall, and MOLDS IT OVER ROCKO’S HEAD!!! She follows up with a BOOT TO THE GUT that knocks Rocko into a MEDICAL SUPPLY LOCKER!!
DM: My God, he fell INTO the locker!! There’s nothing LEFT!!
[Groaning, Rocko pulls himself from the wreckage of gauze and tubes and rubber gloves. As he comes to his feet, his eye catches something bulging from his right shoulder. It’s a syringe, stuck inside of him! He points at it and looks with irritation in the direction of his wife.]
Rocko: ………………..OW!!!
[Cursing, he slowly pulls the needle from his shoulder and tosses it aside.]
Rocko: Woman, I’ve had it up to here with you!
[Daymon raises his fists as Caitlyn comes sprinting at him…]
DT: AND ROCKO CATCHES HIS WIFE ACROSS THE FACE WITH AN ELBOW!! Rocko follows up with a BIG RIGHT… a LEFT HOOK… a HUGE UPPERCUT… and FINALLY A MASSIVE DISCUS PUNCH THAT NEARLY KNOCKS CAITLYN INTO NEXT TUESDAY!!
Rocko [panting]: When I think of all the years we spent together… at home, all across the ******* WORLD… and this entire time, you were only in it to further YOURSELF!! You’re nothing more than an ungrateful, self-centered piece of garbage!
[A towel across the face cuts him off-midsentence.]
DM: AND CAITLYN COMES BACK WITH A SUPERKICK!! Caitlyn with a series of rights… a BIG punch to the gut… and follows up with a HAYMAKER that puts Rocko to the ground!
Caitlyn [panting]: Oh, listen to you! It’s all, “ME! ME! ME!” Did you ever once think about the needs of your WIFE?! Did you just expect me to stand there and nod my head to every ******* little thing you said and NEVER have a voice of my own? Over my dead body!
[Rocko comes springing at her from the floor.]
DT: MY GOD, LOOK AT THESE TWO GO AT IT!! Rocko with a series of HEAVY punches, but Caitlyn comes back with a PUNCH TO THE THROAT and an EYE RAKE!!
DM: Caitlyn goes for the takedown… but Rocko KEEPS HIS GUARD UP and stays on his feet! He jams a hand in her face… and CAITLYN BITES DOWN ON HIS THUMB!!
Rocko: AAAAARRRRGGHHHH!!!
[Rocko PROPELS himself forward, knocking Caitlyn’s head into the wall! But Caitlyn fights back, leg-tripping him to the floor and ending up in the mount position!]
DT: Caitlyn’s back in control! She’s going for another series of punches… but Rocko gets one arm behind her head and the other across her neck to keep her out of strike range!
DM: Great ground work on Rocko’s part…
MN: I’m sure these two have plenty of practice.
[Suddenly, Rocko FLIPS Caitlyn over onto her back, and the two of them slowly come to their feet again.]
Rocko [panting]: “Needs”? …I’m the one… that did all the work!
[Rocko BLASTS Caitlyn with a right hand, but she stays standing!]
Caitlyn [panting]: You wouldn’t… have done any of it… without MY help!
[Caitlyn RETORTS with a right hand of her own, but Rocko doesn’t go down!]
Rocko [panting]: If you… wanted a piece of the action… all you ever had to do was ask…
[As he says this, Rocko steps forward and catches Caitlyn in the forehead with a SUPERMAN PUNCH that puts her to her knees!]
Caitlyn [panting]: Sure… I coulda… but it’s much for fun kicking your ass!
[Caitlyn DECKS HIM with a hammerblow to the mid-section, and Rocko doubles over! He grabs his abs in PAIN and coughs up blood!]
Rocko [strained]: Damnit…
…
…
…
…
…
…are you as turned on as I am right now?
[With an exasperated grunt, Caitlyn SMASHES HER FIST into Rocko’s jaw, sending him to the floor! With every last bit of strength in her body, Caitlyn pulls herself to her husband and grasps both hands around his neck!]
Caitlyn [strained]: You ugly, worthless, loud-mouthed piece of ****…
…God, I ****ing love you.
[Without hesitation, both of their faces passionately crash into each other. They’re left embraced together on the wreckage-littered floor as Mojo Massey reenters the frame, shaking his head in disbelief. Mic in hand, he turns to the camera and clears his throat.]
Mojo!: This reporter has seen many things during his tenure with Empire Pro Wrestling. I’ve seen champions come and go… promising hopefuls fizzle out into upsets, and nobodies escalate into surprising stars… but what I just witnessed tonight is beyond a doubt, one of the most ****ED UP THINGS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!
[Mojo shakes his head again. The strain around his eyes would indicate that he is perhaps traumatized by this event.]
Mojo!: I guess we can all learn something from this. Sure, men and women have their differences… but in the end, a well-communicated compromise between both ends is the best result. Or, if you’re not into that kind of thing, you and your spouse could just beat the living hell out of each other until you’ve vented your frustration and get back on track.
[A smile crosses his face as he looks off into the distance. Few times do we ever see Mojo step into the spotlight. On this night, he’s feeling a tad poetic.]
Mojo!: I guess we can call it one of those mysteries of life… how bottled up emotions eventually explode into a violent foray! We can see, in moments like this, just how frail and flawed the human mind is, and how we must cherish our ever-growing respect for each other as—
Rocko: Hey, Mojo!
[The reporter turns around to find both of the Daymons angrily looking back at him.]
Rocko: Get the hell out of here!
Mojo!: Uh, right, sorry…
[Hurriedly, Mojo and the camera crew leave the room, and we cut back to the guys at commentary.]
MN: That……….. was……………….. AWESOME!!
DT: Only you would take amusement from a fight like that, Mike.
MN: Next time my wife gives me any lip… BAM!! Right across the face!
DM: Mike, don’t kid yourself. One, you don’t HAVE a wife, and two, if you did that against any woman who couldn’t fight back like Caitlyn Daymon just did, you’d find yourself in Riker’s faster than you can say “Ass-Pound Central, Yoo-Ess-of-Aye”.
MN: …….San Francisco?
DT: Can we just cut to commercial already?
DM: We don’t have commercials, Dave. It’s a Pay Per View.
DT: Damnit, let’s just get on with the next match then!