[CUTTO: The announce table.]
GHEORGHE: “Well… Up next we have the #1 contender match between Jack n’ Hoff and Saviors of Wrestling .. and quite honestly I don’t know what to expect.”
JIVE: “Well with the World Tag Team Championships remaining vacant yesterday when the Inner Circle and Bored of Edukashun battled to a draw .. who knows, the winner of this match just might become the first ever champions!”
JULIUS: “I hope not.”
GHEORGHE: “Well New ERA President Marcus LaRoque has been keeping quiet about the entire situation .. so anything is possible! Adam Benjamin, though, is looking to go 2-for-2 at WrestleSTOCK .. as he and fellow Highland Park Social Club teammate Richard Farnswirth were successful yesterday in defeating Karl Brown and Foxx..”
JULIUS: “All I know is that Jack n’ Hoff are going to come out here, suck all the air from the arena, and kill us all.”
GHEORGHE: “Dean!”
JULIUS: “I’m just saying..
GHEORGHE: “Let’s go to Carl Jacobs for the ring introductions..”
[CUTTO: In the ring. The lineup comes on screen.]
[CUEUP: “The Final Countdown” by Europe. ‘SOW’ comes on the big screens w/ a giant British flag hanging in the middle of the ‘O.’ Adam Benjamin and Chandler Maxwell step from behind the curtains.]
JACOBS: “Ladies and gentlemen, our next match in the evening will be a Tag Team competition to decide the Number One Contenders to the New ERA World Tag Team Championships. Introducing first… weighing in at a combined weight of 481 pounds …. ‘Yours Truly’ ADAM BENJAMIN… ‘First Class’ CHANDLER MAXWELL… the SAVIORS… OF… WRESTLING!!!”
[The duo make their way down the ramp, accompanied mostly with negative reactions from the audience.]
GHEORGHE: “The Saviors of Wrestling are an INCREDIBLY talented team. With the experience of Adam Benjamin and the potential of Chandler Maxwell, they are heavy favorites in the New ERA World Tag Team division.”
JIVE: “Not so fast, Tom. Sure, they might have some chops… but until they beat the very team that beat them at the last RAUCOUS, the INNER CIRCLE, these guys are HARDLY ‘favorites’ in my book.”
JULIUS: “The Saviors of Wrestling are looking to make up for their loss to the Inner Circle last week by becoming the number one contenders through winning this match tonight. But they’ve got some pretty talented opposition…”
[CUEUP: “What’s My Age Again?” by Blink-182. The crowd pops as “JACK n’ HOFF” comes across the big screens.]
JACOBS: “And their opponents… hailing from Honolulu, Hawaii… they weigh in at a combined weight of 456 pounds… THEY ARE… JACK … N’ …. HOFF!”
[To a wave of cheers, Jack and Hoff come out of the entry-way and run down the ramp, slapping the hands of many fans, who then wipe off their palms with some disgust…]
JIVE: “These guys EASILY get the award for ‘Worst Name For A Tag Team In The History Of Professional Wrestling’.”
GHEORGHE: “Unusual name notwithstanding, the fans seem to enjoy their presence in the ring. These guys usher a nice mix of technical and high-flying wrestling to keep their opponents off their feet…”
JULIUS: “They got tripped up in their path to the tag titles by Bored of Edukashun last week, but a win over the Saviors of Wrestling tonight on WrestleSTOCK will keep them in the running for the titles.”
[All four men enter the ring and the referee makes his final checks. After a few moments, he cues the ringing of the bell, and the match begins.]
GHEORGE: “Chandler Maxwell elects to start things off for the Saviors, while Hoff enters the ring on behalf of Jack n’ Hoff.”
JIVE: “I’m thinking about making this team of chick wrestlers… I’ll call them ‘She-Bop!’”
JULIUS: “Classy, Nick.”
GHEORGHE: “Both men circling each other in the ring… and there’s the lock-up! Maxwell sinks in an arm wrench… but Hoff flips over and reverses it, setting Maxwell to the mat! He follows up with a LEGDROP across the shoulder!”
JULIUS: “Hoff brings Chandler Maxwell back to his feet… locks him into a Hammerlock to put the strain on that arm! But Maxwell COUNTERS with a back elbow and rolls Hoff in front of him with a snapmare! Maxwell straps on a Reverse Chinlock!”
GHEORGHE: “We should be seeing some good technical action with this match, what with these competitor’s backgrounds…”
JIVE: “Yeah, it’s too bad the ‘scientific’ way of wrestling isn’t always the most EFFECTIVE way of wrestling!”
JULIUS: “Hoff is forcing himself back onto his feet, and Maxwell switches to a sleeper… but Hoff drops down for a REVERSE JAWBREAKER that knocks Maxwell off!”
JIVE: “See what I mean?”
GHEORGHE: “Hoff goes to his corner and tags in JACK as Maxwell recuperates in the ring… Jack runs in and goes for DROPKICK—but Maxwell BATS HIM OUT OF THE AIR!! He lands a kick to the small of his back for good measure!”
JULIUS: “Maxwell brings Jack back to his feet… hooks him around the face, and PUTS HIM DOWN with a Swinging Neckbreaker! There’s the tag to Adam Benjamin!”
[Sizable crowd reaction as Benjamin hits the ring.]
JIVE: “Sounds like the rednecks who watch Empire Pro have a soft spot for this guy…”
JULIUS: “I wouldn’t go trashing Dan Ryan’s fed if I were you, Nick. Benjamin catches Jack before he can get to his feet and takes him by the arm… there’s the whip to the ropes. Jack returns and Benjamin PRESSES HIM INTO THE AIR—AND DROPS HIM OVER HIS KNEE WITH A BACKBREAKER!!”
GHEORGHE: “Adam Benjamin’s got all the momentum he needs as he brings Jack back to his feet and DRILLS him with a DDT! He rolls over and hooks the leg for a COVER…”
“ONE…”
“TWO…”
“And Jack kicks out!”
JULIUS: “The Saviors of Wrestling are starting to look pretty strong in the ring… but can they keep the momentum going?”
JIVE: “HUH?! What? Sorry, I was sleeping…”
JULIUS: “Shut the hell up and drink your martini, Nick.”
GHEORGHE: “Benjamin back up and brings Jack with him… hooks him in a standing leg-scissor headlock and goes for a POWERBOMB—BUT JACK REVERSES with a HURRICANRANA and hooks the legs for the PIN!”
“ONE…”
“TWO…”
“And Chandler Maxwell breaks it up at the last second! Had a near upset there…”
JULIUS: “The referee tells Maxwell to leave the ring as Benjamin and Jack scramble to their feet. Benjamin goes for a CLOTHESLINE—and Jack DEFTLY ducks and hits the ropes! Benjamin turns around and gets hit with a CROSS-BODY BLOCK!!”
GHEORGHE: “Benjamin stunned on the mat, and Jack hops over the ropes to the apron… and goes for a SPRINGBOARD LEGDROP over the throat of Adam Benjamin!”
JIVE: “Looks like Benji doesn’t know JACK!”
GHEORGHE: “…”
JULIUS: “…”
JIVE: “…oh, screw you guys. That was comedy gold.”
GHEORGHE: “Back to the match… Jack makes the tag to Hoff, who quickly enters the ring and rolls Benjamin over onto his stomach! And now he locks in an STF!!”
JULIUS: “Benjamin’s in a pretty sticky situation now! He’s in the center of the ring, and Hoff has got him far away from his corner!”
JIVE: “With any luck, Benjamin will just TAP and we can move on to the other matches…”
GHEORGHE: “The referee is asking Benjamin if he wants to tap, and Hoff has that hold SUNK IN TIGHT… but Benjamin REFUSES!! And now… wait, it looks like Benjamin is reaching up over Hoff’s head, and now he’s rolling over onto his back! HE’S REVERSING THE STF!!”
JULIUS: “That puts all the pain back onto HOFF, and now he’s releasing the hold and both men are back up… and BENJAMIN gains the advantage with a Japanese Arm Drag that puts Hoff to the mat! Hoff trying to get up… but he gets caught in the face with a dropkick!”
GHEORGHE: “Benjamin makes the tag to Chandler Maxwell, and holds up Hoff’s arm to expose his side, and Maxwell gets in a DEEP sidekick! Benjamin goes to the outside as Maxwell grabs Hoff around the waist and PUTS HIM DOWN with a BACK SUPLEX!!”
JULIUS: “There’s an ELBOW over the sternum to keep him on the mat… and Maxwell tags into Adam Benjamin again! These guys are pumping in and out and in again… great pacing and teamwork on their part.”
JIVE: “Or maybe they just can’t make up their minds. Kinda like me. I can’t decide on who I like less. Probably Jack n’ Hoff, because of the name.”
GHEORGHE: “Benjamin brings Hoff back to his feet and drives him into the corner… and there’s the BIG CHOP across the chest!”
JIVE: “WHOOOOO!!”
JULIUS: “…God, that’s annoying.”
GHEORGHE: “Benjamin takes Hoff by the arm and whips him to the ropes… follows, and drives a KNEE INTO THE ABDOMEN that flips Hoff onto his back! Benjamin delivers an insult to JACK, and that brings him into the ring… the referee is there to stop him, and now it’s Benjamin and Maxwell double-teaming the defenseless HOFF!!”
JIVE: “You SEE?! THAT’S how you win a tag match!”
GHEORGHE: “Maxwell quickly goes back to the apron as the referee turns around to put his focus back on the match… but he doesn’t stay there long as Adam Benjamin tags him in! Benjamin holds Hoff in place by his head and Maxwell’s going up top! Maxwell OFF THE TOP ROPE with a Double-Axe Handle over Hoff’s back!”
JULIUS: “I don’t think Hoff has much left in him… Maxwell hooks him around the face… lifts him up, and PASTES him with a Forward Suplex!”
GHEORGHE: “Maxwell rolls him over and hooks the leg for the cover!”
“ONE!!”
“TWO!!”
“NO!! Hoff kicks out before the three.”
JULIUS: “Hoff has got to make a tag, but the Saviors of Wrestling won’t allow it! Maxwell dumps Hoff into the opposing corner, and there’s the tag again to Adam Benjamin! Benjamin climbs to the second rope… HOPS INTO THE RING WITH A FACEBUSTER ON HOFF out of the corner!”
GHEORGHE: “Benjamin gets Hoff off the mat… hooks him around the face… and PUTS HIM INTO THE AIR WITH A FISHERMAN SUPLEX!! He keeps it locked in for the cover!!”
“ONE!!”
“TWO!!”
“NO!! Jack slipped in for the save that time…”
JIVE: “Don’t underestimate the power of a slippery Jack!”
GHEORGHE: “Benjamin’s up again, and makes the tag to Chandler Maxwell before dumping Hoff over his shoulder with a snapmare! Maxwell hits the ropes… LOW DROPKICK into the face of a sitting Hoff!”
JULIUS: “Maxwell keeps the pressure going by getting Hoff to his feet… hooks him around the waist… goes for the GERMAN SUPLEX—BUT HOFF LANDS ON HIS FEET!! Hoff hooks Chandler Maxwell’s arms and goes for a FULL-NELSON FACEBUSTER!!”
GHEORGHE: “WHAT A COMEBACK for Jack n’ Hoff! Both men on the ground, slowly crawling to their corners… Jack is leaning over the ropes, hoping to make a tag! And Maxwell slaps the hand of Adam Benjamin! Benjamin hits the ring just as Hoff makes it to JACK and TAGS HIM IN!!”
JULIUS: “HERE WE GO!! Jack pounces to the ropes and NAILS ADAM BENJAMIN with a Missile Dropkick into the ring! He hits the ropes and NAILS CHANDLER MAXWELL with a Jumping Calf Kick as he gets to his feet! Benjamin back up, but Jack runs to him and puts him down with a FLYING CHOP across the chest!”
GHEORGHE: “This is just what Jack n’ Hoff needed to get back into this match! Chandler Maxwell back on his feet, but HOFF DUMPS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE WITH A CLOTHESLINE!! Talk about second wind!”
JIVE: “These guys don’t have a second win. They just find some fresh porno material, or something. I think Hoff must’ve caught a glimpse of a flasher out there in the fourth row…”
JULIUS: “Too bad you didn’t see anything, Nick. Then again, I guess that’s not the kind of thing you look for…”
JIVE: “Name a time and place, Dean, and I’ll knock your freakin’ teeth out!”
GHEORGHE: “Back to the match, guys! Jack catches Benjamin before he can get back to his feet… hooks him around the face… hoists him into the AIR—there’s the SLINGSHOT OFF THE ROPES—and FOLLOWS THROUGH WITH A SUPLEX!! Jack rolls over for the COVER!”
“ONE……”
“TWO………”
“THREE—OH NO, Adam Benjamin kicks out after a CLOSE three-count!”
JULIUS: “Looks like Jack is ready to put this one away! He brings Benjamin back to his feet… and DRILLS HIM with a Michinoku Driver! Now he’s going up to the top rope, and Benjamin is laid out in the mat in front of him! High-risk maneuver coming up!”
GHEORGHE: “Adam Benjamin isn’t MOVING! And Jack DIVES OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH THE JACK IT… OH NOOO!!! BENJAMIN GOT HIS LEGS UP, and Jack came CRASHING DOWN onto his ribs!!”
JULIUS: “Benjamin was playing possum! And now he’s back up and ready to seal the deal… he peels the wounded Jack off the mat, and hooks his head between his legs…”
GHEORGHE: “AND BENJAMIN NAILS HIM WITH THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!! What a BEAUTIFUL 360 degree piledriver!! Hoff, on the outside, trying to enter the ring to make the save… but Chandler Maxwell takes him by the arm and drags him to the outside again! And Benjamin goes for the cover!”
“ONE……”
“TWO……….”
“THREE!!!”
JACBOS: “Here are your winners, and the NEW Number One Contenders to the New ERA World Tag Team Championships… THE SAVIORS … OF WRESTLING!!!”
JULIUS: “The Saviors of Wrestling have DONE IT!! They are OFFICIALLY the number one contenders for the New ERA World Tag Team Titles!”
JIVE: “Eh, I can take it or leave it. If it’s not the Inner Circle, then it really isn’t worth my attention.”
GHEORGHE: “Jack n’ Hoff put up a hell of a fight, but I think Adam Benjamin’s ring experience really gave the Saviors the edge this time around.”
JIVE: “Well .. Saviors of Wrestling are the #1 Contenders … but … who are they the #1 contenders to? I mean .. we still don’t know what is going on with the World Tag Team Champio…”
[CUEUP: “The Perfect Drug” by NIN. The crowd pops as Marcus LaRoque steps through the curtains, two officials behind him carrying the New ERA of Wrestling World Tag Team Championships.]
GHEORGHE: “Speaking of finding out…”
JULIUS: “He’s not going to give Saviors of Wrestling the belts, is he?!”
GHEORGHE: “He just might, Dean!”
LaROQUE: “Well … congratulations Adam .. Chandler.. you guys are now the #1 Contenders to the World Tag Team Championships…”
[SFX: Mixed crowd reaction.]
LaROQUE: “The only problem is that you don’t have anyone to face ….”
JIVE: “Please say that they forfeit their #1 contendership.”
LaROQUE: “Now I know that you might think that this means that you’ll have to wait until we crown World Tag Team champions before you get your shot.”
[Benjamin and Maxwell lean against the ropes rolling their eyes.]
LaROQUE: “Well that’s not going to happen.”
GHEORGHE: “What does he mean?!”
LaROQUE: “I’ve decided … that at BANNED in the US … in the Harbor of Havana, Cuba … the World Tag Team Championships will be decided …. in a TRIPLE THREAT match between INNER CIRCLE, BORED of EDUKASHUN …. and YOU … Saviors of Wrestling.”
[SFX: MASSIVE CROWD POP!]
GHEORGHE: “A TRIPLE THREAT MATCH TO DECIDE WHO WILL BECOME NEW ERA’s FIRST EVER WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!”
LaROQUE: “But we’re going to make this a little more interesting .. since you know .. we’re going to be on a Cruise Ship in the Havana Harbor for BANNED in the US … I’ve decided that .. well .. we’re going to call this a SURVIVOR match…”
[SFX: Crowd buzzes.]
JULIUS: “What the hell is he talking about?”
LaROQUE: “You see … instead of wrestling on the ship.. we’re going to see if you guys can survive … in the open water.”
[SFX: More buzzing.]
JIVE: “They’re going to wrestle underwater?!”
JULIUS: “You quite possibly are the dumbest individual I have ever met.”
LaROQUE: “Floating on specially made devices … will be a wrestling ring … in the MIDDLE OF THE HARBOR.”
[SFX: EXPLOSION.]
LaROQUE: “And … since this is a SURVIVOR match … the only way to win … is to eliminate, and kick off the “floating island” EACH and EVERYONE of your opponents.”
GHEORGHE: “MY GOD…”
LaROQUE: “The only way to eliminate a team … is to toss both of the teammates OVER the top rope … and INTO the water. Last man standing in the ring representing his team … becomes the FIRST EVER New ERA of Wrestling World Tag Team champions.”
[SFX: Crowd orgasms!]
GHEORGHE: “MY GOD!”
JIVE: “That’s going to be an INTERESTING match to say the least!”
JULIUS: “Why don’t you try saying less then… see if it works.”
GHEORGHE: “The World Tag Team Championships … three teams … floating ring … SURVIVOR Match … at BANNED in the US!”
JULIUS: “Apparently Gheorghe has been drinking the Jesus Juice … let’s go to our counterparts over at Empire Pro for the, quite fittingly enough, EPW World Tag Team Championship match!”