MN: In comparison to what? A train wreck? An old man (censor) himself at a bus stop?
DT: That’s nice.
MN: It’s PPV Thomas. You should be thankful your career even reached the apex of people ‘paying’ to hear you perform.
DT: You really think there’s someone out there who’s sole consideration in charging Wrestleverse to their bill was my commentary?
DM: More like mine.
MN: Hell no. But then I never thought a man would lock himself in a 6x6 cell sixty-feet in the air over a side-walk in London, with no food or drink, either. It’s all relative Thomas.
DT: Of course it is. You about done, or can we go on to the next match?
MN: Move when you’re ready, but understand one thing...I’m trying to help here. Cameron Cruise is up next. I’m just trying to buy us some leeway. Good material can go a long way Dave trust me.
DT: Right, what you’re doing here rivals Leno pre-Tonight show days. And those people behind us aren’t sitting impatiently they’re bowing in the face of your excellence.
MN: Really? (Mike quickly turns around.)
DM: *snort* Please let me hit him.
[The lights in the arena go out as the haunting strains of "Dark Machine" by Paul Oakenfold cue up. Smoke billows up on the stage and ramp as Christian Sands slowly strides out from the back. He stops center stage, the red strobelight pulsating in the background, and casts a sideways glance toward the curtain.]
MN: Killjoy.
["Dark Machine" cuts off to make way for the opening guitar riff of "Heartbreaker" by Led Zeppelin. White-hot spotlights swirl around the arena before blazing down upon the curtain. Pyro goes off on either side of the stage as Lindsay Troy, the reigning Queen of the Ring, saunters onto the stage. She gives Christian a smirk and a wink before continuing to walk down the ramp. Sands swaggers after her, ignoring the jeers and trash-talk from the fans lucky enough to get seats next to the ramp barricade.]
[The two vault themselves over the top rope and Sands stretches out in a corner. Troy just stands with her hands on her hips facing the stage, her mouth curled slightly upward in a sneer.]
DT: The Pepsi Center abuzz in anticipation of this World Tag Team Title match-up!
MN: It’s non-title Dave pay attention.
DT: Mike... Lindsa---
MN: Don’t Mike me! Look at your papers, idiot.
(pause)
DT: Well...
MN: Ha! Now we’re even. Fans are abuzz over this, but you tend to draw that reaction when Amazon women have crammed themselves into baby doll t-shirts. That’s right folks we’re not performing Shakespeare here. It’s Tits and Ass meets the Junior Sears Clothing Department. Speaking of which, there’s now great sales on silicon breasts...
DT: This may be PPV but show some constraint!
MN: That’s enough Dave; we’ll have no more of this Obi-Wan Kenobi Gibberish.
DM: ...I think I'm just going to be quiet. You two are having SO much fun that I dare not interrupt.
DT: (Sigh)
[The house lights furiously dim, blanketing the Pepsi Center in darkness: the cold black emptiness their lives regrettably knew before Joey Melton rode into EPW territory on a white horse and promise to clean up the town. Work the rooms, flexing his mental muscle, and drive the dead weight clinging to the company’s heels to a lesser promotion. Someplace where you don’t have to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time to be considered high-end talent.]
[There’s a void of light and silence for two seconds, only the anticipation and hope of someone greater brightening the atmosphere sounding in the air.]
[Loud red sirens burst into action atop of the stage set, sounding the alarm on Wrestleverse. The sheriff and his deputy were back with orders to round up the usual suspects. The talentless hacks who dared to question Melton and Cruise’s place in the business, the validity of their title reign.]
“Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?”
[As Bonnie Tyler sang, accompanied by the genius of studio musicians, spotlights--seconds removed from being held captive by a couple of bores, return their full attention home. To Joey Melton and Cameron Cruise.]
“Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?”
[Melton and Cruise sporting matching black diamond studded sequin robes slip three steps down the rampway as if carried by their arrogance or the hand of God, and fan the remnants of smoke left by their opponent’s entrance. Wiping as if the scene taken by their eyes was a dry-erase board, and the mark made by those far below “The Cameron Cruise Project” could be snuffed from existence. Circled and called a mistake, one Melton and Cruise were put together to correct. And correct it they have.[
“Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need”
Flanked by Cruise’s wife, and Melton’s playdate Mercedes, the World Tag Team Champions gracefully make their way down the ramp. The piercing glare of 20,000 strong probing for a weakness, but this team has none.
“I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life”
[If there’s a crack in the wall, it’s Lindsay Troy, Joey’s host and fantasy lover. As Melton moves an inch from the outstretched hands of ringside fans helplessly groping for a piece of the All-American (a story they could leave behind for future generations. I touched greatness, if only ever so briefly), he pats Cruise on the back: A sign of assurance that Troy’s not an issue tonight. Melton’s professional hat is on, and his partner can count on him thinking with the right head.]
DT: Melton and Cruise simultaneously leap onto the ring apron---
MN: They’re a well-oiled machine Dave. We’re about to see the sort of teamwork that’ll inspire an entire section of women to coordinate their periods in accordance with one another.
DT: Oh man...
DM: ...Mike Neely describing Cameron Cruise as well-oiled disturbs me.
[As Melton and Cruise step through the ropes Troy and Sands rush over, quickly moving on the offensive with hard right hands.]
DT: The Challengers not wasting any time in this title bout getting started! Pounding the Cameron Cruise Project with a furry of closed-fists!
MN: Everytime a bell rings an angel gets it’s wings, and everytime you say “The Cameron Cruise Project” a virgin is soiled in some part of the world...it’s true.
DT: Sands rocks Cruise with a left hook and Cameron goes up and over the top rope!!! Troy caves Melton’s gut in with her left boot!
MN: I think it was more the foot in the boot that did the damage Thomas...but yes.
DT: She and Sands whip Melton across the ring, off the ropes, double dropkick and Joey goes down hard!!
MN: Let the man get his diamond sequin robe off first! That thing’s worth more than your life! And mine too!
DT: Troy rips the tag belt off Melton’s waist and hoists it over her head! A precursor of what’s to come, and if so the fans are lovin’ it!
[Sands bounces off the ropes and drives a knee into Melton’s forehead.]
DM: Nice knee lift there. Melton might need a new nose job, and these fans really DO love it.
MN: Keep in mind the majority of these idiots also love the Friends spin-off “Joey”.
DT: Sands and Troy have Melton back to his feet, and again he’s shot off the ropes---but is pulled outside by Cruise! Cameron reached under the bottom rope and yanked Melton outside the ring in the knick of time!
[Joey finally works off the robe and angrily tosses it at a stagehand.]
DT: The Cameron Cruise Project---
MN: (singing) Proud young virgin...
DT: Enough! The Cameron Cruise Project regrouping as the ref works the count to five.
[Lindsay and Christian sit on the middle rope and create a more comfortable opening by lifting the top rope above their heads. It’s shake’n’bake and they helped.]
MN: Good you got the memo about keeping the officials nameless. That’ll teach’em to form a union. Nameless Ref #1138!
DM: Thank you, George Lucas.
DT: Melton and Cruise seem a slight unhinged by the sell-out crowd in the early getting. Joey motioning for Troy and Sands to back up...but they’re not budging!
MN: Great sportsmanship from Troy and Sands. One of the all-time greats asks a favor, and you blow him off. Show the man some respect and scoot back ten feet, and remember he’s your social better. Zero eye contact as well.
DT: Joey huddling with his partner again---no! Melton just slid Cruise under the bottom rope against his will and Sands and Troy are going to town! Stomping over every inch of Cameron’s body! Melton, throwing his co-champion to the wolves!
MN: It’s called tough love.
DT: Yeah, Melton’s a real father figure Neely...
[Lindsay and Christian whip Cruise across the ring, off the ropes...]
MN: He is to Lindsay!
DT: Cameron leapfrogs over Sands, but is caught mid-air with a SUPERKICK from Lindsay Troy. No question that one found it’s mark, nameless ref—NEELY! The ref makes the cover...2 and nothing more!
MN: Nameless ref. Good one Thomas. The man has a family watching. Ass.
[Joey finally gets to his corner, turning briefly to make a sarcastic comment to a fan in the front row.]
DT: Side headlock from Troy, as this battle for the EPW World Tag Team Titles showing some structure at last. Lindsay digging in with her forearms, you can hear Cruise’s screams from where we are.
MN: Sounds kinda like a baby Raptor from Jurassic Park, no?
DT: Cruise at the command of his wife and manager Mercedes powers to his feet...
MN: That’s right. Cammy’s ass belongs to her, not some under-dressed Amazon.
DT: Cruise buries an elbow in Lindsay’s belly, but goes down in a flash!
[SPLIT SCREEN REPLY: Troy pulling Cammy down with a handful of hair.]
[Crowd pops.]
DT: The Queen Of The Ring going outside the rulebook for that takedown, but the official never saw it.
[Cruise back up to his feet.]
MN: Then it didn’t happen. What’s the ol’ saying? If a woman screams in Melton’s garage bunker and nobody hears, is he breaking the law?
DT: Classy. Cameron scoops Troy’s legs, BACKDROP! BUT TROY HOLDS ON! Unwilling to break the headlock! Cruise’s is getting lightheaded Mike. It’s been thirty years, but I’ve seen matches won with this!
DM: So have I, but I had to pay $20 to watch in an old friend’s living room and I wasn’t allowed to touch.
DT: Troy bullies Cruise to her corner and Sands tags himself in. Christian perched on the middle-rope, FLYING KNEE INTO CAMERON’S exposed ribs! Half of the tag team champions shot to the mat in a heartbeat after that crushing blow from Sands!
[Sands wraps Cammy’s arm over the top rope, exposing his ribs to a series of hard uppercuts.]
MN: I think Cruise is role-playing again. He’s the rack of lamb in Paulie’s freezer. (yells to ring) You’re not fighting Creed, Cruise...enough with the dramatics.
DT: Quick tag to Troy, short rest her the Queen, but I’m sure she prefers doing the majority of the legwork. (Sands holds Cruise’s left arm up, exposing his ribs again.) Lindsay off the middle-ropes with a double axe handle!
DM: If he dies...he dies.
[Troy applies an arm bar, twisting Cameron’s arm devilishly.]
DT: Mercedes barking orders to her man as she eyes Troy’s every move three feet away...Cruise to his feet...hurting but driven...
[Cruise flips forward, bounces off the mat and drop kicks Sands off the apron.]
DT: Cameron on his feet...ARM DRAG! Cruise airborne, LEG SCISSORS TAKEDOWN! (crowd pop)
MN: Now come on Cruise, make the tag to your social better.
DT: Cameron shoots Troy off the ropes, leap frog! Troy off the ropes, FRANK’N’CRUISE! Troy gets her feet under Cameron’s shoulders, reverse into a pin...ONE, TWO...MELTON jumps in and breaks the pin with a hard kick to Troy’s back! So close to having new EPW World Tag Team Champions!
MN: How close? A section of balloons imprisoned in the rafters were let free. Releasing victory balloons...how easy is it? And why must the Democrats make fools of themselves every four years?
DT: The official backs Melton into his corner...and as he does Cruise choking Troy over the top rope! Come on ref!!
MN: It’s Jimmy I believe.
[As the ref turns, Cruise slingshots Troy’s head off the ropes, sending her to the mat in a heap.]
DT: Whatever! Cameron tags in Melton (crowd pop)! Joey pushing Lindsay, his manager! Into the corner...KNIFE EDGE CHOPS!
[Melton smirks as he chops Troy again]
DM: Careful Joey, I’ve seen those things pop before in a match. Ironically to your sister, Teri!
DT: Melton again with a calculated chop across Troy’s chest!
MN: Whipping her breasts...you can count the number of men in the Pepsi Center without erections on one hand...
[SPLIT SCREEN REPLAY: Neely pointing to Thomas.]
[Melton sets Troy’s legs outside the ropes and sits her on the middle turnbuckle.]
DT: Joey backing up....he wouldn’t....he couldn’t....
MN: He really shouldn’t, but...
[crowd pop as Joey kicks the middle turnbuckle]
MN: That had to be therapeutic Dave.
DT: I’m not touching that one...
MN: (laughs) You just did unwittingly. Geez you’re easy.
DT: Tag to Cruise. The World champs slow to begin but they’ve got the match under their control now. No disputing that. Joey SLINGSHOT SUPLEX....Cruise under Troy’s legs as she falls....HOT SHOT ACROSS THE TOP ROPE! That looked vicious.
[Pin attempt: 2]
MN: I’ve seen worse.
DT: Cruise with a side-headlock, returning the favor from minutes ago. Cameron leans back, quick pin...1....2....NO! Lindsay almost got napping!
DM: Troy double-teamed by The Project...this is like something out of Troy’s dreams.
DT: Lindsay gamely to her feet...she needs to make a tag, elbow to Cameron’s gut! Troy hits the mat in a hurry!
[SPLIT SCREEN REPLAY: Cruise taking Lindsay down with a handful of hair.]
[Crowd boos.]
DT: Tag to Melton, the champs are insync now!
MN: It’s beautiful to watch, is it not?
DT: Cruise pinning Troy’s arms back, holding her up for Joey...KNIFE EDGE CHOP!! (Melton turns and struts away.) MULE KICK FROM TROY!!
[Troy tosses Cameron through the ropes.]
MN: Ewww. Cruise we’ll be picking nuts out of his teeth for weeks after that one.
DT: TROY OFF THE ROPES, SAVAT KICK AS MELTON TURNS! (crowd pop) She’s not wasting any time! Lindsay backs Joey in a corner, CHOPS OF HER OWN! (Crowd stands.) ANOTHER! A martial art’s kick, and THRUST TO JOEY’S THROAT! She’s got him reeling!
[Troy sends Melton across the ring and over the opposite turn buckle. Flair flip.]
DT: Melton runs into Cruise who was recovering on the apron! Joey barely hanging on, fingertips over the top rope saving him from a hard fall...TROY FLYING CLOTHESLINE! The Tag Champs are down!
[Sands rushes over.]
MN: I think even Dave has an erection at this point.
DT: Sands clotheslines Melton! Clotheslines Cruise! He’s bided his time and can’t wait no more. Christian drops Joey throat first over the security railing!
MN: Melton’s senses are out of whack. The man doesn’t know where he is...he’s getting hammered by Sands, and on the other hand...he’s involved with some heavy foreplay with Troy! Ups down in Melton’s world right now...dogs and cats getting along.
[Sands lays Melton’s chest over the railing and lifts his legs off the ground, exposing his back to Troy who flies over the top rope...]
DT: DROPICK BY CRUISE! (Troy rams headfirst into Sands.)
(Crowd ‘ooohs’)
DT: Cameron saved the tag belts there!
MN: They can’t exchange hands outside the ring, but he saved Melton from being bed ridden for two weeks....and Joey’s hating him for it as we speak.
DT: Cruise fires Sands head first into the ring steps!
[Troy’s crumpled by the feet of the railing. Cruise rolls Sands into the ring and winks at Mercedes.]
DT: Melton hurriedly kneels at Troy’s side. I think he’s generally concerned for her well-being Mike!
[CLOSE-UP: Troy’s face is busted open. Melton has Lindsay’s hair pulled back with his left hand and is calmly rubbing the small of her back with the other.]
MN: Cats and dogs, Thomas.
DM: Joey’s helping Troy to her feet. She may not be able to continue... (Lindsay wraps an arm around Melton’s neck) WAIT—SIDE RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP BY TROY!
[Crowd pop.]
DT: She shrugged Melton off and dropped him on the cement floor!
DM: The women’s movement’s ruined everything. I’d hate to see how the (censor) reacts to having a car door held open for her.
DT: Melton’s reveling in pain as the fans here in Denver mercilessly taunt him.
[Cruise side-slams Sands in the ring.]
DT: Troy rolls back in the squared circle...
[Troy jumps over a sitting Cruise, grabbing his head and snapping it forward as she zooms by.]
DT: Sands with a quick pin...1....2..NO!
[Stereo elbow drop from Troy and Sands.]
DT: It’s two against one...not very good odds if you’re Cameron Cruise!
MN: It may stay that way too Dave. Melton’s finished.
[CLOSE-UP: Joey disgustedly waves off Troy and heads back up the rampway.]
DT: What? Joey Melton leaving in the middle of this match! What’s he thinking?
MN: If I knew the answer to that I’d never have to work another day in my life. If he doesn’t come back the end is near for Cruise. The man has trouble winning matches one-on-one. Unless he’s just largely been unmotivated...I don’t see us discovering his secret talent is winning handicap matches.
[Sands has Cruise in an Ad. Stretch.]
DT: Sands reaching back for extra leverage, adding an extra inch to Cameron’s body!
MN: Oh, you’d love that.
DM: ZING!
[Lindsay hops off the apron and runs after Melton. The crowd stands and watches in disbelief as Lindsay disappears backstage.]
DT: Christian can’t believe it either...HIP TOSS BY CRUISE! (Sands pops up and throws his hands up in the air as the last of Troy’s body leaves the rampway) Cruise clips the back of Sands’ left knee!
MN: Sands knows better than to turn his back on an opponent. Especially one who’s likely to trip and fall into the back of his knees...
DT: Cameron extending Sands left leg, and dropping his full weight over the knee! He can tear Christian’s ACL if he’s not careful!
MN: Um...
[Cruise scoots outside, reaching back in to drag Sands to the iron post. He measures the distance then whips Sands’ left leg over the iron post.]
DT: That could be Christian’s career! Cruise again ramming that leg across the post! Come on ref!
MN: Will you leave that poor man alone!
DT: Cruise taking his time getting back in the ring. The damage is done. Cameron pins the left leg back under, KNEE DROP! Sands’ noticeably hobbling....
[Cruise off the ropes...]
DT: Kicking at that leg! Cameron doing what he can to retain the tag belts right here...Sands has to start thinking about the future.
MN: Why start now?
DT: Cruise...figure four!!
MN: Brilliant! Melton’s taught him well! If Joey’s not here...play the role yourself.
DT: Sands rocks over, REVERSAL! Cruise screaming out in pain! Ref asking him if he wants to give...the tag titles could change hands on Cruise’s submission.....
[Cameron crawls...inches his way to the ropes.]
DT: Cruise reaching...he’s got the ropes!!
[ref calls for the break.]
MN: He may be nameless, but he works well! I say keep him!
DT: Cameron struggles to his feet and he’s met there by hard right hands from Christian Sands! Rocking one half of the tag team champions back into the ropes...JAWBREAKER!! Cruise up, but not over!!
MN: If he was happily married Mercedes would be in there giving her body for the common good.
DT: Cruise shot off the ropes, BACKDROP! Cameron’s close to the edge! Sands again whips him off the ropes, Backdrop—no Cruise sees it...
[Cameron kicks at Sands, but Sands pulls him, as Cruise flies off his feet..]
DT: What a set-up from Sands...he catches Cruise’s legs in mid-air, turns...BOSTON CRAB! Submission move!!
MN: Mercedes must really hate that man..
DT: What about Melton? Both partners missing... Sands sitting in nicely...Cruise is finished...
MN: Amazingly not yet!
[Mercedes jumps in. Sands coolly knocks her out of the ring.]
DT: Sands back to work...
DM: It took a lot...but she finally answered the call. Good girl.
DT: German suplex! Another! Rolling German suplexes!
[The crowd stirs as Little Voltron jogs down the rampaway, cardboard cut-out of Joey Melton in his arms.]
[Crowd cheers.]
DT: Sands...powerslam! Cover...ONE......TWO......TH-NO! What the hell is this?
MN: It’s a midget Dave. Relax. He’s not demon spawn.
DT: I didn’t mean Little Voltron...I meant...THIS. The situation...
[Little Volton hops up in Cruise’s corner...and props the cut-out of Melton up next to him.]
DT: Sands suplex attempt, but Cruise blocks it! Snap suplex from Cameron Cruise!! He’s not going quietly!
MM: The man’s a champion.
DT: Say that ten times fast.
MN: Heh.
DT: And like the champion he is...he’s trying to make the tag...to...a paper Melton! This is nuts...
[Little Volton extends the cut-out through the ropes, reaching for Cruise’s hand.]
DT: Cameron staggering on his feet...dives for Paper Melton’s hand... (Little Voltron pulls the cut-out away; Cruise comes up empty.) No!! (Crowd cheers)
MN: Trouble in paradise! Melton won’t tag!
DT: That’s not Melton!
MN: Sure looks like him to me!
DT: Cruise is standing in the corner in disbelief! Sands with a clothesline over the back of his neck! Sands nails Paper Melton and the cut-out goes flying! Climbing the ropes!! Perched on the middle ropes...Sands pounds a series of jabs in Cruise’s forehead!
[Crowd counts them off. 1,2,3,4,5...]
DT: Cameron wraps Christian’s legs...ATOMIC DROP!
[Cruise turns and dives for the corner, but no one’s home. Paper Melton and Little Voltron on the outside nursing their wounds.]
DT: Nobody’s home!! It’s up to Cameron to win this match himself!
[As he turns, Sands buries a foot in his gut.]
DT: SIT-OUT POWERBOMB! Sands is climbing the top rope!!! (fans stand) If he hits this...TOP ROPE FROGSPLASH!!
MN: Goodnight Gracie.
DT: Cruise stirred but couldn’t move in time...the cover, ONE............TWO..............THREE!!!!!!!!! (Fans roar) We’ve got new EPW World Tag Team Champions!
[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]
TONY FATORA: Here are your winners and the NEEEEEEEEEEEW Tag-Team Cham-pions of the World... LLLLLLLLINDSAY TROOOOOOOOY ANNNNNND CHHHHHHHHHHRISTIAAAAAANNNN SAAAAAAAAANNNNNDSSSSSSS!!!
DT: Well, that was a hell of a match... but wait a second, who is this?
MN: It’s ERIK BLACK again! He’s hopping the barricade, and—
DM: Watch your chair, Mike!
MN: SHIT!!
[Mike tumbles to the floor for the second time in the evening as Erik Black, moving with incalculable yet stable speed, shoves him aside and takes his seat with him into the ring.]
DT: Black in the ring, and he’s going after Sands... NO!! Sands narrowly ducks a chair shot!!
[Moving off of an inherent sixth sense from years of experience, Sands manages to turn in time to see the assailant coming to him. Reflexively, he rolls out of the way, as Black runs by with the chair in motion. The big man steps to one end of the ring, still exhausted from his invigorating performance, but prepared for another physical bout. Black spins around, but decides against charging Christian head on, no longer having the element of surprise and not entirely eager to bum-rush the former World's Champion without the odds in his favor.]
DT: WHOA!! That nearly took Christian Sands’ head off! Now the men are involved in a standoff... with the lone tag-team champion on one end, and Erik Black on the other!
MN: I knew he was going to be here for this match... and hey, can somebody get me another chair please?
DM: Can someone get this guy a chair?
[As a member of the ring crew finds a replacement for Mike, “Stay In Shadow” by Finger Eleven suddenly comes over the PA. The men in the ring seem to notice the music, but don’t take their eyes off of each other. Then, upon the ramp...]
DT: Oh my God, it’s THEM!!
MN: It’s official; The Crimson Calling is BACK!!
[...Nathan Fear and the seven-foot tall Ivan Dalkichev appear from the entryway, wearing dismal expressions. Boldly, the two make their way down to the ring, entering on Black’s side. Fear has a mic in hand, as the Raging Russian, rather than coming to his partner’s side, removes the chair from Erik Black’s grip and sets it aside. Sands watches carefully, now knowing the numbers have changed. Fear paces in the ring for a moment, and then turns to Black.]
NF: This is very unprofessional of you, Erik... coming out here and throwing this temper tantrum. I let you get away with it in the case of the other teams... but these two?
[He shakes his head with disappointment, then turns to Sands.]
NF: I open-heartedly apologize for Mr. Black’s actions, Mr. Sands. There’s nothing worse than busting your ass to claim your titles, only to get lambasted out of nowhere from a person who doesn’t have the balls to fight you face to face. Nobody should have to be subjected to that... not even one half of the World Tag Champions.
[He looks up at the big Canadian, smiling slightly.]
NF: I can’t ruin your celebration... because I want you to celebrate as much as humanly possible. All proud thoughts will eventually end, because the Crimson Calling has returned... and we’ve come to reclaim what is rightfully ours.
[Fear comes over to Black.]
NF: Now apologize...
[He hands the mic to Erik, who looks as though he’s ready to explode. Black hesitates, then brings the mic to his face, looking directly at Sands...]
EK: Go fuck yourself...
[Black furiously drops the mic, and makes his exeunt, followed by Dalkichev and Fear to the tune of “Stay In Shadow.” Sands remains in the ring, thinly smirking.]
DT: Jesus, I almost had a heart-attack!
MN: I wouldn’t be surprised if you did, fatass!
DT: Shut up, Mike. Christian Sands and Lindsay Troy have captured the tag-team gold, but the celebration seems short lived, thanks to the presence of the FORMER champions, the Crimson Calling. The Calling, as you know, where never defeated for the titles, but were instead forced to forfeit them when they left EPW for unspecified reasons.
DM: They’re undefeated... but so are Sands and Troy, ya know! If, um, Troy's even on the team... where the hell did she go, anyway?
DT: Now THAT is a good question...
[Cut to a video package for JA, Sebastian Dodd, and Jonathan Marx, but not before panning to Priest and Eisenkreuz grinning in the front row...]