DT: Very interesting. I wonder who Miles was talking to.
DM: No idea, but it’s not a good omen for Anarky or Marcus Westcott later tonight.
[As the arena waits in anticipation, the PA system erupts into “Did My Time” by Korn. Out comes STALKER, cracking his knuckles and peering sideways at the booing fans. Behind him: FUSENSHOFF, his unwilling tag partner. Black and blue lights flash throughout the building as the two make their way to the ring.]
TF: Ladies and gentleman, the following contest is an elimination style tag team scramble! NO-TAGS-NECESSARY! Introducing first, representing THE FALLEN…STALKERRRRRR ANNNNNNNNNDDD FUUUUUUUUUUUUSENSHOFF!
DM: The TV champ looks completely unenthused, still paired with the man who owns his contract, Stalker.
MN: Trust me Fusenshoff, I know the feeling! I’m working with these two!
DT: The Fallen are coming off a recent victory at Aggression over two men who are set to do battle here later tonight, Anarky and Marcus Westcott. Some might say the win was tainted when Anarky turned his back on his partner…
MN: Hey, what you call tainted, I call exquisitely executed mind games that could very well make Anarky the number one competitor after tonight!
DT: Well that won’t be a factor tonight, as there are no tags needed. This one’s gonna be chaos folks, as EPW will welcome four brand new tag teams to the mix…and here comes a few of them now! It’s always high octane with these guys…
[Green and yellow lights flash through the crowd as the intro to “Back to the Primitive” by Soulfly begins to play. The audience stirs in excitement while the guitar riff plays, and then BOOOOM! The tribal drums begin to beat, the violent guitar chords are strum with bad intentions, and RICARDO “LIGHTNING” SILVA hops out, bouncing up and down, talking smack to an invisible enemy as the fans grasp for his hands. Behind him is cousin GABRIEL CARVALHO and the big bad MAURICIO DOS SANTOS marching to the ring like a military grunt]
TF: ANNNND FROM CURITIBA, BRAAAAAZZZEEEEEEEEELLLL!!!!!! RICARDO SILVA…MAURICIO DOS SANTOS…AND GAAAAAABE CARVALHOOO!!!! THEY…ARE…JUUUUUNNNGGGLLLEEE STORM!!!!!
DM: You talk about your hot blood from Brazil, just get a load of these guys!
DT: And I suppose the question is: which two members are going to be participating in the match here tonight?
[The arena suddenly goes dark. In the far distance, a yak’s horn is heard bellowing. The horn becomes louder and louder. By the final call ‘o the Yak- ZAP! Holographic lightning strikes the ring! The flash illuminates the other teams for just a second, who can be seen turning and looking, not quite sure what to make of it all. ZAP! The lightning strikes one turnbuckle, and sparks fly up! ZAP! Another turnbuckle and more sparks! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! The ring is being littered with sparks as holographic lightning strikes all around.]
MN: Oh God, what’s happening? Is this the End Times?
DT: What IS going on here?
DM: Look to the ceiling!
[Flashing on the arena ceiling like a strobe light is a projection of POWERMASTER, his face painted up and hair feathered. He SNARLS and the arena shakes from the reverberation from the PA. In the background, “Take No Prisoners” by Megadeth is lightly playing]
[POWERMASTER V/O]: “The man of eternal fokrucity has been beckoned by the almighty call of the YAK! AND-IT-IS-GOOD! BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES, BEHOLD THE MANGODS, THE WALKING WELLS OF INFINITE AGGROOO-INTENZITY!!!!! BEHOLD POWERGODZ!!!!! AND IT IS ON THIS NIGHT THAT BOTH I AND RYAN ORACLE DELIVER TO YOU AN ASTRO-PLANE OF INTENZE WARLIKE FURY THAT WILL LEAD US TO VICTORYYYY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH!!!!!!!
[POWERMASTER lowers his arms and begins to calm…begins to speak low, almost in a rhythmic chant]
[POWERMASTER V/O]: “…tell me the names…intercept their forcefields!....haaaaaaaaah…and now feed the names into my jaw-spell of energy!....MENNN OF CONNNNSTTTAAANNNTTTT SORRRRROOOWWWWW……STTAAAAALLLKEEERRRRR….FEEEEEWWWWW SENSHOFFFFFF….JUNNNNNNGGGGLLLLEEE STTTOOOOOORRRRRMMM….CONNNNNTTTRRRAAAADDDIIIICCCCCT TTIOOONNNN….[EXPLODES into a fierce battle cry!]….RRRRRAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[POWERMASTER thrusts his elbows to his waist three times, coinciding with holographic lightning that strikes the ring with each command; the crowd goes NUTS! At center ring, a trap door opens, letting out clouds of fog and mist. The camera can barely make out the images of two men elevating up through the clouds and smoke, standing back to back with their arms up; it’s Powermaster and Ryan Oracle!]
DT: It’s POWERGODZ! I’ve never seen an entrance quite like this; the building is on FIRE!
MN: We’re lucky the building isn’t on fire. Do POWERGODZ have a permit for that lightning?
DT: No Mike, I don’t think you need a permit for holographic lightning. However, Jungle Storm, Stalker, and Fusenshoff seem to be waiting for permission engage POWERGODZ! Nobody knows what to make of these two just yet.
[As the lights come back on and the smoke clears, both teams stare at POWERGODZ with trepidation. RICARDO SILVA slides into the ring and yells out “F*CK THESE CRAZY ASSH*LES!” and superkicks ORACLE in the side of the face]
DT: Ricardo Silva wastes no time engaging! Now the action starts, and it looks like everybody wants POWERGODZ eliminated! Oracle still down, and Silva goes for the cover…but the referee says he’s not in this match!
DM: Wait a minute, it seems that Jungle Storm have officially chosen Carvalho and Dos Santos as their representatives for the match. Looks like Ricardo’s riding pine on this one.
DT: Silva goes to the outside in protest; meanwhile Stalker is hammering away at Powermaster. Fusenshoff’s working over Oracle, as Jungle Storm joins in on the triple team. Powermaster taken down with a front-face Russian leg sweep; Stalker wrenching back his head!
MN: Is it me, or does it seem like something’s missing from this match?
DT: Irish whip off the ropes, Fusenshoff catches Oracle…belly to belly suplex! Dos Santos follows up with a knee to the face, and Carvalho drops a forearm to the head to finish. Oracle showing resiliency though, climbing back to his feet slowly. Stalker with the fisherman’s suplex on Powermaster…
1…
2…
Kick out from Powermaster!
MN: In all seriousness, what’s missing from this match?
DM: You know I think he’s right. Weren’t there other competitors scheduled?
DT: I’m looking at my lineup here, and it says that Contradiction and the Men of Constant Sorrow are also scheduled to appear. Perhaps we can...hold on a moment…I’m getting feed from my headset…both of them?...folks we’re gonna take you backstage, as we have word both teams are….
[Camera cuts to the back where the MEN OF CONSTANT SORROW and CONTRADICTION are slugging it out!]
DM: Looks like these guys got a little impatient during POWERGODZ’ grand entrance!
DT: Did they ever! Dick Burnett whips Drunken Tiger into a ladder followed by a clothesline! Tiger’s partner, the other half of Contradiction, The Sergeant, pummeling Emry Arthur with rights and lefts as the big man stumbles!
MN: Silva’s running up the ramp and past the curtain…how is his foot not tired from smacking Ryan Oracle in the face?
DT: SILVA FLIES AT BOTH TEAMS LIKE A MADMAN!
DM: If they wouldn’t let him in the ring, he figured the backstage fight would have to do.
DT: Arthur parries a Sergeant clothesline, picks him up quickly, and the big man brings Sergeant down to the concrete with a death valley driver! Silva with the LIGHTNING KICK TO ARTHUR, NO HE CAUGHT THE LEG! OOOH MY! Silva leaps from one leg and smacks Arthur in the head with that other foot! The Sergeant runs by though and boots Silva in the mouth…but Drunken Tiger follows with the ladder…HE HELICOPTERS IT ACROSS SILVA’S HEAD! IT’S A FREE FOR ALL BACKSTAGE, FOLKS!
DM: Ricardo Silva’s fast on his way to turning every team against Jungle Storm!
DT: Back in the ring, the pace quickens! Oracle off the ropes, ducks a Fusenshoff clothesline…comes from the other end with a flying headbutt…BUT FUSES DUCKS AND ORACLE SMACKS STALKER IN THE FACE WITH THAT HEADBUTT! Powermaster runs over with the splash and the cover…Fusenshoff turns his attention to Dos Santos…
1…
2…
3…!!!!!!!!!!!!
MN: NO FAIR! Oracle’s got an adamantium plate in his face!
DT: That’s all she wrote for Stalker and Fusenshoff, and Stalker having some words with his partner now…
DM: Don’t you mean slave? That was some HORRIBLE miscommunication between Stalker and Fusenshoff.
DT: Fusenshoff leaves the ring with Stalker angrily pursuing him. Carvalho and Dos Santos have Powermaster up for the…is it?...yes!...double brainbuster! WAIT! POWERMASTER’S HAND REACHES UP!
MN: Let me guess…he’s channeling immortal energy?
DT: Oracle waits on the top turnbuckle…Carvalho and Dos Santos throw everything they have at Powermaster, but he bangs his head and jogs in place! Powermaster’s in the zone, and Jungle Storm just don’t have an answer! Oracle off the ropes now and he DROPKICKS CARVALHO! Dos Santos challenges Powermaster and gets SPEARED! POWERGODZ are beating their chests and this crowd is eating it up! Oracle lifts Carvalho up…holds him…he’s TRYING not to shake…TRYING not to fall…DELAYED VERTICAL SUPLEX!
DM: The crowd’s been imbued with Fokrucity!
DT: Oracle runs around the ring, now he comes barreling off the ropes…OH NO! OH MY LORD IN HEAVEN, WHAT IN THE…?!
DM: I think the trap door entrance at center ring just collapsed underneath Ryan Oracle!
MN: HA! You dumbsh*t ape!
DT: Oracle’s stuck in that trap door pitfall! Powermaster tries pulling him out…but Carvalho slide kicks him in the temple! Carvalho motions to Dos Santos, and both men grab Powermaster by the arms.
DM: The backstage fight has officially spilled onto the ramp!
DT: Wrestleverse has become an all out melee! Emry Arthur chokeslams Silva down the ramp, but gets nailed from behind by Sergeant. Burnett and Drunken Tiger go blow for blow…Arthur pitches in…advantage goes to Men of Constant Sorrow!
DM: A team of refs have come out now to get Oracle out of that trap door. Hell, I’m not sure they can lift him!
DT: Jungle Storm has Powermaster’s arms tied up in the first and second ropes! He’s taking one heck of a beating; punches, kicks, knee, chops…
MN: Watch him pass out. Fokrucity debunked!
DT: He’s resisting all that he can. Reaching for the heavens, Powermaster’s pulling now…leaning forward, eating more punches, he struggles…pulling…pulling…OHHHH NOOO!!!! He’s taken the ringropes with him! Powermaster’s pulled the ropes right off the turnbuckles!
DM: This can’t be happening!
MN: Oh it’s happening, and so is a lawsuit for damages. These rings aren’t cheap, ya know…
DT: Drunken Tiger hits the ring now! But he’s helping Jungle Storm beat back Powermaster, who has just busted apart half the ring. Carvalho ties back his arms with the loose ring ropes, and I think they’re looking to hog tie him! With Powermaster strung up, all three men make the cover now…!
1…
2…
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He kicks out but not in time! POWERGODZ are eliminated!
MN: I’ve looked into the crystal ball of fokrucity, and I’ve seen POWERGODZ in 10 years…Oracle’s a membership consultant at World Gym, and Powermaster’s hocking tainted bodybuilding supplements.
DM: That was one hell of a performance by POWERGODZ, but that leaves us with only three teams…
DT: That’s right. Jungle Storm, Contradiction, and Men of Constant Sorrow…all in the ring now! Powermaster helps Oracle out of the trap door and the refs close it, hopefully for good. Dos Santos with a DDT on Burnett. Arthur has Sergeant up for a piledriver…Sergeant reverses, and he drops him backward! Drunken Tiger off the turnbuckle with a frog splash and the cover…
1…
2…
THREEE-NO!!!!
Carvalho dropkicks Tiger’s face and quickly grabs his leg…ankle lock attempt!...no, Tiger rolls through it, but Carvalho reverses into a knee bar! Arthur and Sergeant go at it, while Dos Santos tosses Burnett through the empty space where the left ring ropes used to be. Santos leaps over the edge and hits Burnett with a flying elbow!
DM: Mauricio Dos Santos is one of the more aero-dynamic big men in the sport. But render me impressed with Men of Constant Sorrow thus far, ‘cause they are hanging strong. They’re a little goofy…I didn’t expect much of these guys, but even I’m wrong from time to time!
DT: Sergeant…BIG POWERBOMB on Arthur!
1…
2…
Annnd Arthur kicks out! Ricardo Silva providing Dos Santos some extra curricular help there on the outside, but the ref is watching as Drunken Tiger turns out of Carvalho’s knee bar and stomps him as the hold is released. Tiiiiger cradle piledrives Carvalho!
MN: My apologies, but I refuse to be involved in a match featuring a couple of guys named Men of Constant Sorrow. I just…I won’t do it! That’s about as sad as it gets, and one can only pray to the Brazilian Pagan Gods that Jungle Storm murders these guys soon so we can all take a bathroom break.
DT: Burnett slowly climbs into the ring, Dos Santos follows. DOS SAAAANTOS’ LEG FALLS THROUGH THE TRAP DOOR!
DM: Will somebody PLEASE get a technician out here?
MN: Sorry, I don’t work minimum wage. I know what the pay around here is!
DT: Dos Santos is out, but he can’t walk! His ankle is swelling up already…he can’t continue! The referee motions to the outside…and JUST LIKE THAT Ricardo Silva is in the game!
DM: Can they do that?
DT: They can now! Silva like a bat out of hell…spinkicks Burnett…quickly up and off the ropes…flying knee to Emry Arthur, but Arthur’s just too big…he catches Silva and drops him in a VICIOUS backbreaker!
DM: Spinal injury if I’ve ever seen one!
MN: He rode that flying knee like Christopher Reeve rides horses.
DT: Damn it Neely, we’ve got sponsors to worry about! Silva’s ok, but he’s dropped with a power slam from Arthur…
1…
2…
And a kick out by Silva! Sergeant turns his attention to Arthur though, and now Silva’s got some breathing room. OH MY! Tiger just laid out Carvalho with the fireman’s carry into a neckbreaker! This could be it for Jungle Storm!
[Crowd counts]
1…
2…
3!!!! NO! NO! SILVA INTERRUPTED THE COUNT! AND JUST BARELY!
MN: That count was a bit fast anyway. They’re already trying to put the screws to Jungle Storm!
DM: So close!
DT: Tiger immediately rushes Silva and knocks him down with a nasty forearm following some punches. Drunken Tiger with Silva now…lifts him up…Silva falls over Tiger’s back on his feet, pushes him away…LIGHTNING SHOT! SILVA HIT HIM WITH ONE HELL OF A SUPERKICK!
MN: WATCH YOUR BACK, RICARDO!
DT: Sergeant damn near decapitates Silva with a clothesline! Burnett is there to dropkick Sergeant into Arthur who rips him down by his neck…will it be? YES! Arthur powerbombs Sergeant onto Drunken Tiger! Contradiction are both down! Burnett with the cover!
1…
2…
3!!!!!!!!!!
And it’s down to two teams! Jungle Storm and the Men of Constant Sorrow!
DM: I’ve gotta be honest: I’m not sure Burnett and Arthur have it in them to pull off the victory over the blue chips out of Brazil. Silva is BLAZING FAST!
DT: From the outside, Dos Santos is screaming at his teammates to get up! Arthur has Silva up…and he tosses him over the ropes into Dos Santos’ arms! Both men fall back!
DM: Dos Santos’ ankle is too banged up, he couldn’t support Silva’s weight!
DT: Burnett and Arthur taking turns on Gabriel Carvalho, and things are NOT looking good for Jungle Storm!
MN: If there’s any justice in the world, the pre-Wrestleverse random p*ss tests included the Men of Constant Sorrow!
DT: Are you trying to say that a victory tonight over Jungle Storm would be tainted, Mike?!
MN: That’s what I’m saying! How do you think Arthur got that tall, huh? Human Growth Hormone, it’s obvious!
DT: I think you need to retake that high school physiology course you failed…and Men of Constant Sorrow are just pummeling Carvalho! Burnett with the double arm DDT…Arthur actually taking to the top turnbuckle…huh? NO! FROG SPLASH! EMRY ARTHUR JUST HIT A FROG SPLASH ON CARVALHO!
DM: It wasn’t pretty, but damn is he big! That should do it for the upset!
DT: Arthur covers…Burnett on top of Arthur for a double-cover…Silva is slowly climbing the turnbuckle
1!!!!!
2!!!!!
THRRRR-INTERRUPTED BY SILVA! He Senton bombed the cover and wound up flying into the referee! Men of Constant Sorrow had it! Men of Constant Sorrow had it!
DM: That’s the second save he’s made on Carvalho. All those wars he’s endured over the years in the Brazilian ring must finally be wearing on him…
MN: I’d say! Silva’s bailing out deadweight like his name’s Barack Obama!
DM: Great, we just lost the 18-25 demographic.
DT: Silva leaps at Burnett for the hurricanrana, but gets powerbombed! Picks him up again…a second powerbomb! Burnett goes to the top rope while Arthur hoists Silva onto his shoulders.
DM: This could be their final shot to put away Jungle Storm for good!
DT: NO! Interrupted yet again! This time Carvalho blasts his elbow into the back of Arthur’s knee. Silva’s let down, Burnett comes at him…Silva avoids the punch, leaps up…flying triangle! Silva’s got the choke! Now it’s Carvalho and Arthur, one on one! Carvalho’s still shaken from the frog splash though. Arthur has him up for a big suplex, but Carvalho falls out behind him. He has Arthur by the waist, but he can’t lift him for the German suplex! Arthur tries to break the waist lock…
DM: This is where that strength comes in…
DT: The crafty Carvalho pushes Arthur forward, and launches him off the ring apron!
MN: Guess he can thank Powermaster for amending the ring ropes off the damn turnbuckle!
DT: Dos Santos limps over to Arthur and bogs him down in a petty brawl! Now here’s Jungle Storm’s opening!
DM: Silva’s got that triangle choke on tight, but Burnett just WILL NOT submit!
DT: Carvalho imploring Silva to release the choke…he does. Silva to the turnbuckle…Carvalho locks Burnett’s head between his thighs.
MN: You know how bad that sounds?
DT: Well it’s gonna look even worse: they’ve got him set up for something nasty! Carvalho brings Burnett up, DROPS HIM in a powerbomb! Silva off the ropes…SHOOTING STAR PRESS! I’VE HEARD OF THIS…THEY CALL IT THE DEATHWISH! THIS COULD BE A WRAP! THE COOOOVVVEEERRRR!
1!!!!
2!!!!
3!!!!
It’s over! It’s over! Jungle Storm will leave their Wrestleverse debut victorious!
TF: HERE ARE YOUR WIIIIINNNNEEERRRSSS…JUUUUUUUUUNNNGGGGLLLLEEE STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRMMMMM!!!!!!!!
DT: Two resilient teams battled tooth and nail, but in the end it is Jungle Storm emerging with the W!
DM: Yeah, I’m not so sure Jungle Storm knew what Men of Constant Sorrow had in store for them; dare I say they took them lightly?
MN: Lightly? Carvalho was sleeping! Jungle Storm owes Ricardo Silva great debt of gratitude!
DT: Well in any case, one thing is for certain: nobody is taking Men of Constant Sorrow lightly after this battle. In fact, this match saw a lot of action from a handful of teams who are going to be tough to beat down the line. When it comes to the EPW tag team division, there are no easy draws!
DM: Looks like the ring crew is out here to fix the turnbuckle ropes issue, and that trap door as well.
DT: What a mess POWERGODZ caused tonight…Lindsay Troy may have to chat with Powermaster about toning down the intro. The ring crew continues to work as we await our next match!
[Jason Reeves is seen storming into his locker room as the camera follows behind. Fusenshoff is standing in the corner facing the wall, putting some stuff in a duffel bag.]
Stalker: What the HELL was that?
[No response from Fusenshoff. He continues what he's doing, not acknowledging his tormentor.]
Stalker: I don't tag with you to make a fool out of us, punk!
Fusenshoff: Yeah, well, I don't want to tag with you at all. I do what you say because I have to. I don't care at all why, or what you want.
[Jason's face turns into a smirk.]
Stalker: Well I think we all know what will happen if you don't do what I say. And you can only blame yourself for that. Then again, you're used to blaming yourself aren't you?
[Fusenshoff continues to ignore what Jason says. It only serves to provoke Reeves further.]
Stalker: I mean seriously, what kind of ASSHOLE drives drunk with his kid sister in the car?!
[A bellowing yell erupts through the locker room as Fusenshoff lunges at Jason.]
Fusenshoff: I'm DONE! You hear me JASON!?? I AM DONE! Being a wrestler in Empire Pro is not worth this ****ing garbage. NOT WORTH IT ONE BIT! I am tired of you, I am tired of EVERYTHING! If you want to use that damn piece of paper to end my career here fine! Because tagging with you and following whatever words you say... I'M DONE!
[Jason peels Fusenshoff's hand off of him and he takes a step back.]
Stalker: What if I gave you an out?
Fusenshoff: What?
Stalker: There is something that I want done, if you do it for me... I'll promise to never get involved, never interfere, never get in your business. I simply won't exist to you.
[Fusenshoff takes a step back and stares Jason down.]
Fusenshoff: What do you want?
[Grinning Jason leans forward and stares face to face with Fusenshoff.]
Stalker: Finish off Daymon. No matter what happens in the main event tonight – finish him…..and you’re free. Not tonight, mind you. Tonight, Sean proves he's the best in the world all on his own. But next week, you finish him...and this is all over.
[With that Jason walks towards the camera and pushes them out of the locker room and closes the door as Fusenshoff stands there stunned.]