I’m sitting here on top the world in pain right now, because everything I touch just falls apart, and everyone that is close to me hurts me in a way, or I hurt them. Either way pain comes from me, its like we are partners in a dance.

Will you come and dance with me?
Will you come and play with me?

Some times I wonder if the world would be better off if Erik Dean was never known to the world, would the world be better if I had just stayed in the shadows? Or better yet just not even be born? Some times questions are better left un-answered , but you still cant help but wonder, what if? What would SFT be like with out Dean right now? Would it be better or worse? If he wasn’t around would people be happy or sad?

If you were to make a mistake
Just know that I would be there by your side

Love, is something that God created to mess with mankind, an emotion that is worthless, and it just makes a human weaker, leaves there heart and mind open for an attack. Something I have learned over and over again, some times I wonder why I keep hurting myself. I try to help others before helping my self, it just doesn’t work like that. I get it now, but even still, even after my heart has been ripped out of me, stepping on, thrown into a fire, spat on, and shredded into peaces, I tape it back together and wait for the next girl to do it all over again. I wait for maybe that one chance where I can maybe become a human again. But its like it will never come, and the more I wait, the deeper I go into the shadows. The more I try the more I get hurt.

I try to please others, I try to play God, when indeed I am just another human playing in the game of life, who has found him self losing to others, I fall behind from the rest, and then watch from the sidelines, sometimes I find away to cheat and I take that road. But when I get to the end and sit on my thrown, some one comes along and knocks me off and sends me right back down. When will it end?

Friends are another thing that can hurt you, the less friends you have, the less chance you have of getting hurt. I have learned this more times then I can remember. The words you never want to hear from a friend are  “I just don’t trust you right now”. To a person who loves there friends, and would give there own life for them, it hurts them a lot.

Step into my world
And feel my pain
Don’t be scared
Come on in.

 But when does the pain end you ask? Never, life is nothing but pain; it takes more courage to live then to die. I found that funny when some one told me that, because I knew it was true. If I could chose to save a life to give up my own, I would in a heartbeat, would be my way to leave this world and move onto the next.

Do I still make sense? Or have I just started to babble on? Do you understand my pains? Or do you sit there and laugh? Not madder, I am here to tell the world my mistakes so you don’t fallow them. I am here to express my pain so that I can feel better. This is my life.

My Name is Erik Dean
Welcome to my World
In the land of the Shadows

 I have lost to many in this world, all in which I put up a fight, either in the ring or in life. I lose many battles. One world is fantasy and the other is realty, but what happens when you start to like fantasy more then realty? What happens when you wish you could just open your eyes and wake up in wonderland, escape this world and go into the next. I wish I may, I wish I might.

But wishes never come true, wishes, hope, faith, all for those who are weak. Am I weak? Yes I can tell you right now that I am weak. But some times you can get to a point where nothing works any more, where your soul has left you, your heart is dead and cold. And you are empty. What then? Nothing is there for you but the shadows. Some times I feel that way.

Weather I am called Erik or if I am called Dean, people love me for my name, most know nothing of me, if they call me by Erik, they know me in realty, and see me as some else’s best friend. If I am known by Dean, they see power. But they don’t see me. No one does, no one cares. My name is Erik, my name is Dean, I am Erik Dean.

If you think you understand me your dead wrong, if you think you can help me, don’t waist your time, I am not worth it. I am a soul that was lost long ago. I am nothing more then a man that is here because I have to be. A person to rule, nothing more.

Step into my world
And get into my head
Feel the pain I feel
And maybe then
You will Understand.

 
I could keep going forever, so much I would like to say, but I can’t get it out, almost like I cant. So much pain, no person should bare such pain, yet some have to, some must. Some times I wonder, if I was put on this earth, so others could have a better life. Not fair is it? Life isn’t fair.

Never has
Never will be

 
We then pull away from a lake, we can here the wind as it blows through the trees, over in the corner of our view we can see Erik Dean, standing there in his black jeans, black shirt, and black trench coat. The wind blows through his hair as he leans up against the tree. Dean likes to come out to the lake to think about life, his life and how it’s going. To reconcile with the past and think about his future.

Erik Dean: This is my world every one, welcome to it, are you disappointed in me? To see what you have all wanted to see. To look past the crazy person that I am, to look past the bad ass that I can be. Go through my walls and find out. That I am just a normal human who has been hurt far to many times in his life. Are u disappointed? I’m sorry but that’s who I am, who I have been and its who I will be, I am a person who can not be saved. This is who I am, and this is who I will be.

I have changed a little sense the beginning. Did you all know that on Monday I have been in Strike’s Fantasy Towers for two years? Not a lot of people knew that, I have changed sense then, somewhere along the line my heart got crushed and I lost my soul. Where oh where did it go I wonder. But its pointless some times, I just want the pain to end. Is it impossible for me to be happy?

Its like the Gods are laughing at me on this night, sitting up there thinking up ways to make me even more miserable. Its an on going battle some times, and it will never end. I am so tired. So very tired.

Just let it all End…