OPENING VIDEO PACKAGE

RIOT!

Eruptions emanate from the crowd in the form of cheers, and from the stage in the form of flashy pyrotechnics. Colorful search lights dance amongst the stands where the fans are as excited as ever for the proceeding event.

Mark Comeau: We are live from our home base of operation here in the Manhattan Center, where the crowd is ELECTRIC for Riot!

While some fans make obscene gestures towards the cameras, others show their excitement by waving their home made signs in the air.

Daniel Ackart: And Comeau will be joining me here tonight, this is Daniel Ackart, your lead color analyst, and the only person with charisma to have ever graced this announce table.

Comeau: Whoa, whoa, whoa. YOUR joining ME hombre, not the other way around.

Daniel: Sure, keep telling yourself that. Now get on with your endless gushing about tonight’s card.

Comeau: Well, we do have quite a show scheduled with seven matches, ranging from the long awaited Paranoia III rematch between AWOL and Johnny Kingdom, as well as what we’re about to see next.

A dumpster is positioned at the ringside area, ready to be fed the body of an unfortunate IWC competitor.

Ackart: What’s that for? All the semen they’ve pumped out of the Brat Pack?

Mark: Erm, no. It’s actually for our first match up tonight, the first ever DUMPSTER match here in IWC history.

KATELYN PARKWOOD © VS. TOO MAGNIFICENT VS. AXL EVERMORE VS. RIGGS

“Hollywood Whore” plays loudly through the PA system, activating the gag reflex of the crowd. One person who has no problem controlling her gag reflex is the very N.H.B Champion sauntering to the stage. She pauses on the stage and lifts her title high above her head. Although she’s probably smirking arrogantly, her egotistical gestures are hidden beneath her protective face mask.

Mark: Four way dumpster brawl ahead of us for that N.H.B Championship, Katelyn Parkwood already on her way to the ring to defend her belt, and if people hadn’t noticed, she’s sporting some brand new ring gear.

Ackart: The more she covers her face the better.

Mark: Katelyn apparently, somehow, suffered a facial injury at the Overbooked Extravaganza, requiring her now to wear this protective face plate. How can someone get injured in a match they didn’t even compete in? Someone explain this logic to me.

Daniel: This is the IWC, Mark, logic has no place here.

Katelyn makes her way past the dumpster and sniffs before covering her mouth and nose, the smell emanating from the garbage quite over powering. Suddenly an explosion of golden pyros rain down from the Cartel-Tron to the stage. Too Magnificent literally showers in this golden cadence, hopping in place and trembling with rage. He finally steps out of the pyro and starts towards the ring, looking quite fired up for what rests ahead, his shot to take home gold, and to do so in his very own brand of match. Animal I’ve Become continues to provide him with some background music as he starts up the steps and stops on the apron, eyeing the clever Katelyn.

Comeau: Too Magnificent was a part of a stunning turn of events at the Overbooked Extravaganza when he and Simon Cagero shocked the world.

Ackart: By giving us a taste of their sheer awesomeness.

Mark: We all thought Too Magnificent and Simon had been eliminated from the gauntlet after a pre match attack from Riggs and Psycho. However, Orlando pulled some strings and let them back into the match on the basis of that assault. And we all saw what happened after that.

Ackart: The motherfuckers pulled it off as effortlessly as I put it in.

Comeau: Calling it effortless is quite the exaggeration, Daniel. They had an absolute war with the Empire and Christian and Porno Lad. However, while Simon left with a title, Too Magnificent didn’t. Tonight is his opportunity to remedy that situation.

Too Magnificent steps over the top rope and continues to eye Katelyn with homicidal intentions. The house lights dim at this point and fog rolls in on the stage. Following in the wake of the fog is the Painted Warrior, Riggs, head lowered, bangs obscuring his face and X-Class Title glimmering around his waist. He only spends a moment crouched before kicking his head back and moving towards the ring, making eye contact with an unstable Too Magnificent. Smartly Riggs hesitates at ringside, standing beside the dumpster and not entering the ring with the man who is pointing him out and shouting obscenities.

Mark: Too Magnificent really, really wants his hands on Riggs after that assault we just referenced moments ago.

Ackart: And he’s gonna get his hands on the painted little emo before throwing that fucker out with the trash.

Comeau: Nice to see that you can remain impartial.

Ackart: Blow it out your fat ass, Mark.

Mark: I jazzercise thank you very much. Anyway, Riggs also came out of the gauntlet with something to show for his troubles, that X-Class Title. However, he also brought something else down upon himself, the wrath of Too Magnificent.

A booming voice sounds over the PA, with one of those swooshing sound effects that build to a crescendo.

"You know who I AM, where I've BEEN, where I'm GOING, how I'll GET there...and all that's left is to tell you's that I'm finally HERE!"

The feed fades to the Tron video, and as the lead singer for Drowning Pool screams the opening "1, 2, 3, STEP UP!!" to their song "Step Up", a name is spelled out on the black video background in bold red Sofachrome font letters: Axl Evermore. In between some of the letters, a split-second of Evermore-in-action impact clips are shown. It fades to a front view of the stage, with Evermore--wearing his Fully Loaded team jacket--looking down on one knee, arms outstretched like he just landed from a jump. He stands up and he RVD's a thumbs pose, shouting "A...X...L!" as the crowd chants along, then thrusts open the snaps of his jacket.

He heads to the ring with stern focus and an energetic gait as the crowd cheers, then jumps and dives through between the middle and bottom ropes, tumbling forth into a hop, into a standing position at the center of the ring. He jogs to a corner, climbs it and thrusts his arms up and points to himself again, shouting "A...X...L!" as the crowd chants along. He hops down from the corner, takes his jacket and shades off, putting the shades in a jacket pocket, and draping the jacket over a corner post, then takes his bandanna off and throws it into the audience. Axl then stands at the ready, alternating between hopping place and standing in a crouch.

Mark: And here is the final piece of the puzzle. Axl Evermore will offer up a whole different dynamic to this match. This time he won’t be putting his sharp wit to work behind the commentator’s table, he’ll be using it in the ring against three individuals who don’t particularly like him.

Ackart: Who does? Besides Max and his endless hordes of skeezers.

Comeau: Axl is very well respected Daniel.

Ackart: By the nurses at the VD clinic maybe, I’m sure he and Craven have put their children through college.

Mark: I think your statements are WAY off base. Evermore is certainly going to have his work cut out for him tonight. He’s in there AGAINST three combatants who want his blood. Katelyn hates him due to his association with Craven, Too Magnificent despises him because he has that guaranteed Cartel Title shot, and Riggs hates him because he caused his team to be eliminated from the gauntlet.

Ackart: They should just give him his own sitcom…Everyone Hates Axl.

Evermore spins around to face a huffing and puffing Too Magnificent, a limbering up Katelyn, and the shadowy menace Riggs.

Comeau: Here we go, we’re off on what should be an exhilarating ride ladies and gentlemen.

Daniel: The type of ride a fortunate few ladies have been treated to in the back of my windowless van.

Mark: Aka, your love mobile?

The moment that the bell sounds Too Magnificent is bolting straight across the ring. He charges right at Riggs and the two meet dead center, starting to exchange some jabs. At the same time Katelyn is quickly moving through the ropes, trying to get to the outside of the ring. However, Evermore keeps her from getting very far.

He wraps his arms around her waist, stands her up and hooks one arm. The terrified champion is thrown over head with a release half nelson suplex. She crashes across the canvas on the back of her cranium before popping over to her knees. A dimwitted look inhabits her eyes, visible beneath her protective mask, before she finally collapses to the canvas.

Comeau: Axl ensuring that Katelyn couldn’t get under the ring and use her ringer. He sat right here with me at the pay-per-view and watched her exploit the same tactic against Max Craven.

Ackart: Well, he’s proven smarter than I’ve ever given him credit for. At least he’s learned from his partner’s blunders.

Katelyn sits on her seat, wavering back and forth, her eyes listless.

Ackart: Finally the sluts of the world getting what they deserve, and for once it’s not a pounding of the vag…..

Mark: Watch it, you’ll have the censors up our asses.

Ackart: I’m sure Katelyn has had a few censors up her….

Comeau: AGAIN….watch it.

Evermore now turns around and charges at the seated Buehler before delivering a sliding lariat to the throat. She’s taken down to the canvas, the champion currently incapacitated. As the champ lays prone two of her challengers continue to exchange fisticuffs. Too Magnificent cracks Riggs to the jaw and the Painted Warrior responds with a blow of his own.

Finally Riggs leaps into the air and swings around, delivering a spinning heel kick that cracks Too Magnificent under the jaw. The blow has him staggered but not taken down while the X-Class Champion reaches his feet and grimaces at the audience, back turned to his opponent. He turns just as Too Magnificent leaps into the air and nails a vicious bicycle kick.

His boot engulfs the painted face of his opponent and sends him crashing into the canvas.

Mark: Brutal boot from this unstoppable goliath.

Too Magnificent turns away from Riggs in time to spot Axl dragging a lifeless Katelyn towards the dumpster. He has her upper body through the ropes, on the verge of tossing her into the large waste receptacle when he’s suddenly snatched by the back of the head. He is also grabbed by the pants then heaved into the air by Too Magnificent and thrown with an inverted chokeslam face first into the top turnbuckle pad.

Axl bounces off and turns around, wedging his spine to the corner. Too Magnificent then steps in and begins drilling to the face with jabs. The punches do not end until Katelyn sneaks up behind Too Mag and leaps into the air, delivering a very sloppy dropkick to his upper back.

Although botched, the kick was still enough to send Too Magnificent traveling into Axl, wedging his back to the former Cartel Champion’s chest.

Parkwood rolls to the center of the ring and stands, looking very proud of herself until Riggs steps in out of nowhere and grabs her wrist. He whips her directly into the very turnbuckle that two of her opponents are stacked up in. She hits Too Magnificent’s chest with her back, all three competitors propped against one another at this point.

Riggs then gets a big running start before leaping high into the air and connecting with a huge splash on all of them.

Mark: Amazing vertical leap by Riggs taking out all three of his opponents at once.

Ackart: You actually consider THAT to be amazing? You don’t get out much do you?

Riggs steps back and watches Katelyn collapse out of the corner, the champion landing at his feet. Too Magnificent also stumbles out of the corner holding his chest, leaving Axl as the only person still positioned in the corner. Riggs steps back and hopes lightning can strike twice as he takes off and lunges into the air.

At the last second the big splash is avoided by Evermore, stepping out of the way and dodging the inbound body of his opponent. Riggs’ ribs cream the corner and almost implode upon impact.

Daniel: What an idiot. The turnbuckle isn’t your opponent Riggs!

Mark: I don’t think he mistook the corner as an opponent, Daniel, I’m pretty sure he was aiming for either Too Magnificent or Axl Evermore.

Daniel: I think your giving him too much credit.

Riggs staggers back and doubles over, grabbing at his mid-section just as Axl steps in and takes him around the neck. He now has him in a bulldog position. The crowd erupts as Evermore charges Riggs across the ring and employs him like a battering ram, driving the top of his cranium directly into the turning Too Magnificent’s ribs. The big man doubles over, clutching at his rumbling gut.

Axl now releases Riggs’ head then performs a step up enzugari to the back of Too Magnificent’s skull. The blow sends the wayward TM tumbling through the ropes and falling on the apron right beside the open dumpster.

Mark: Whoa, he’s about to go in….no he caught himself.

Too Magnificent clings to the middle rope, his leg dangling over the dumpster, filled with a bunch of trash provided by the Manhattan crowd. He starts to stand up just as Axl rushes in and blasts him to the jaw with a forearm. The blow almost sends TM tumbling into the dumpster yet he holds onto the top rope for all he’s worth. Evermore is determined to make Too Mag the one who goes out with the trash, remembering everything that the big man did to him upon his return to the company.

Comeau: How much longer can Too Magnificent hang in there?

Ackart: He’s a motherfucker, and most motherfuckers are pretty persistent.

Comeau: I suppose your speaking from experience.

Ackart: Yeah, just ask your mom.

Mark: My mother is dead, Daniel.

Ackart: Oh, well I guess that’s why she didn’t call out my name.

Too Magnificent teeters on the brink of destruction, continuing to lean back in a very precious predicament. Axl throws another right hand that connects to the troubled MOA member’s skull, but he still persistently clinging to the rope. Just as Evermore seems to be on the verge of ensuring a victory he’s caught from behind and rolled up into a school boy by Katelyn.

Before the official can inform her that she cannot LEGALLY pin Axl to retain her title, she stands up, hooks both of his knees with her arms and then drops back, catapulting her opponent. Axl flies through the air and connects with Too Magnificent on the opposite side of the ropes, knocking him to his seat, but not sending him into the dumpster.

Mark: That was close. Very close!

Ackart: Not close enough. Too Magnificent isn’t in the dumpster now is he? The guy isn’t about to lose his trademark match.

After connecting with Too Magnificent, Axl comes staggering backwards, slowly turning towards the center of the ring. Katelyn was waiting just for this opportunity, poised and positioned. He jumps into the air, catches Evermore around the neck and pulls him down into the KBO!

Mark: The KBO connects, Katelyn FINALLY hitting that move on someone.

Daniel: I’m just going to allow my imagination to decide what the “O” in that move stands for.

Comeau: No need to use your imagination, she’ll tell you exactly what it means.

After successfully hitting her move Katelyn rises to her feet, jaw dropping, eyes lighting up. Despite the burdensome protective face mask, one can tell that she is positively giddy, overwhelmed with joy at the thought of having successfully delivered her finisher after all this time. She is elated, screeching to the annoyance of the audience before she turns to find herself face to face with Riggs. The moment his brooding eyes connect with hers, Katelyn squeals, drops to her bum and high tails it.

Mark: It looks to me that Katelyn is as terrified of Riggs as she is of Psycho. Hopefully she doesn’t get her nails into Riggs’ eyes though as she did against Psycho on the last Riot!

She scrambles across the ring and dives under the ropes as Riggs pursues her. He stops at the cables though, watching as Parkwood falls to the mats then climbs under the squared circle.

Mark: She’s taking refuge under the ring…..ohhhh!

Riggs has turned towards a now seated Evermore and charges in, delivering the shinning wizard directly to his face.

Comeau: The shinning wizard putting Evermore OUT!

Ackart: I guess it’s gang up on Evermore day. Although realistically that should be an all year event.

The kick has left Evermore dead to the world. His victimizer rises to his feet and turns just in time to spot Too Magnificent standing up behind the ropes. This prompts Riggs to charge at the perpendicular cables, spring off of the middle rope and twist in mid-air, delivering a dropkick right on the button.

Too Magnificent falls to his side and rolls towards the dumpster, but just before falling in he reaches out and grabs the middle rope. His arm may be dangling into the oversized waste receptacle but the rest of his body doesn’t follow.

Mark: An outstanding effort by Too Magnificent thus far, staying alive in spite of all the shots he’s taken.

Riggs steps to the center of the ring already celebrating, his arms raised triumphantly in the air. That is until he feels a cold chill go up his spine, turning his eyes back to his rival and realizing that Too Magnificent has yet to be eliminated. Riggs’ entire face twists with rage as he comes charging towards his seated adversary and reaches out through the ropes to deliver some foul blows.

What he had counted on is what Too Magnificent found inside of the dumpster, suddenly pulling out a trashcan lid that he swings straight into the top of Riggs’ skull. The steel is left with an indentation of Riggs’ skull and has left the Painted Warrior noticeably shaken up.

He stands and staggers from side to side, eyes rolling to the back of his head. And it’s the back of his skull that Too Magnificent targets next. He throws the lid down on the apron beside him and then reaches over the top rope, snatching Riggs around the skull and pulling him into a front chancery. He glances over his shoulder towards the open lid of the dumpster and now heaves Riggs up into the air.

Mark: He’s going to suplex Riggs into the dumpster! This is going to net him the title and get some retribution on Riggs for what went down at the pay-per-view.

Daniel: It’s about damn time. My white Russian was starting to run low.

Mark: Alcohol is not allowed at the commentary table.

Ackart: How would you know?

Comeau: Because if it was I would literally be bombed during every show.

Riggs is held vertically and suspended upside down before Too Magnificent lets go, dropping him out of the suplex position into the dumpster. No wait, Katelyn has swung the dumpster lid closed at the last second, instead causing Riggs to crash into the steel viciously back first.

Mark: Katelyn sprouting out from under the ring and saving her title at the very last conceivable second.

Daniel: Leave it to a chick to kill the buzz.

Riggs arches his lower back from the steel roof of the dumpster, grinding his teeth through the pain, now having left his impression in two lids. Much like Riggs moments earlier, Too Magnificent begins to prematurely celebrate. He throws both fists up high into the air, celebrating, having no idea that Katelyn is stalking from behind. She slides open the side door of the dumpster and reaches inside, finding a long fluorescent light tube.

Mark: Oh no, what is she going to do with that? What is she planning?

Daniel: Is it just me, or did the tint of Katelyn’s hair change after she came out from under the ring?

Comeau: Yeah, it did didn’t it.

Daniel: Maybe I should examine her, make sure the carpets still match the drapes.

Mark: I don’t think that’s necessary.

Too Magnificent’s celebration ends when the light-tube busts over the back of his thigh. He calls out in anguish, reaching for his leg and doubling over. This puts him in just the perfect position for Katelyn, who leaps to the apron, adjusts her protective face mask and then places Too Magnificent in a front chancery. She drops back, DDTing him skull first into not only the apron, but the trashcan lid that he left laying at his side.

Mark: Oooooooh baby what a DDT onto the steel and the apron! Katelyn expertly timed that which is making me even more suspicious.

After this bludgeoning Too Magnificent rolls back into the ring, looking unconscious. One man who is no longer plagued with a lack of conscious thought is Evermore, who is back on his feet and ready to put his body on the line. He steps over Too Magnificent and then begins to climb the nearby turnbuckle.

Comeau: What trick has Axl got up his sleeve now?

Ackart: What sleeve, Mark? These guys compete half naked for fuck sakes. Which in retrospect, kind of creeps me out for watching.

Axl continues to climb up the turnbuckle, reaching the very top rope while Katelyn stands below. She has her back turned towards Evermore, pointing at the screaming fans before finally turning straight into disaster. Axl leaps off of the top rope, flies all the way over the dumpster and comes crashing down into Parkwood’s chest with a forward flipping plancha!

Mark: AMAZING dive from Evermore, clearing the dumpster in that leap.

Daniel: He smacked right into her tit. By the way, has Katelyn’s cup size been reduced as well?

Comeau: Has it?

Ackart: Does that sound like something I would be unsure of?

Mark: Good point.

Axl rolls off of Katelyn, leaving her sprawled and writhing on the mats. She doesn’t stay on her back for long, although it’s her most comfortable position, because Evermore is dragging her to her feet and pulling her towards the dumpster. The side door which was left open thanks to Katelyn’s negligence is now exploited as Evermore tries to force her through it.

Mark: He’s going to get Parkwood in the dumpster.

Katelyn’s upper half is inside of the dumpster while her legs remain outside of it, kicking repeatedly. Evermore lifts his palm and slaps her on the rear end several times in the hopes that it will weaken her defenses. Nevertheless she is still holding on, refusing to budge. That’s when a recovered Too Magnificent takes the victory out of Evermore’s hands, by grabbing the back of his head and driving him skull first into the side of the steel dumpster.

He bounces off and collapses to the mats as the dominate Magnificent one approaches, shouting a string of obscenities. He has no idea what is waiting for him behind his back. Once he detects an audible change in the crowd’s reaction he turns around just in time to spot Riggs leaping off the top of the dumpster and landing on his shoulders.

Riggs swings around and connects with a hurricarana, flipping Too Magnificent over completely.

Mark: WOOOOOW! That has to be one of the most impressive hurricarans I’ve ever seen. Riggs LEAPING off the top of the dumpster.

Ackart: Nothing Riggs does impresses me, well, with the exception of his ability to form complete sentences. Yet somehow he even botches that on occasion.

Mark: Well nothing about that move was botched, that did some serious damage.

Riggs is back up to his feet almost immediately, sneering at some of the cheers from the audience. He blows them off in favor going after Evermore, who is currently dragging himself to his feet with the aid of the apron. A forearm cracks him across the upper back and he is then rolled into the ring. Riggs steps to the apron, moves across it and throws back the lid to the dumpster, making sure it’s opened all the way up.

He now turns back towards a struggling Evermore and clings to the top rope, anxiously waiting for something. Evermore has just reached his feet when the X-Class Champion springs to the top rope and flies off, twisting into a back elbow. He connects to Axl’s chest, bringing both combatants down to the ring.

Mark: Riggs seems to be holding his own at this point in time.

Daniel: That’ll last as long as it takes me to find a slut willing to force a whole banana down her throat…speaking of which….

Katelyn has slid back into the ring and is charging straight towards Riggs. He turns just as she leaps into the air going for the Lou Thez Press. To her dismay she’s been caught around the creases of the knees and is now thrown up to Riggs’ shoulders, where he holds her in anticipation of the powerbomb. He charges forward just as Katelyn slips over his head and slides down his back. She catches him in a sunset flip.

Riggs rolls backwards and gets out of the hold immediately before rushing at his seated opponent. Before he can hit any type of move Katelyn reaches out, catches him around the leg and drops back. Riggs trips forward, landing on his chest with Katelyn rolling in reverse to her feet, applying a Boston Leg Crab.

Comeau: Okay, now I know something is up. I’m pretty sure we’ve just been treated to another switcheroo under the ring.

Ackart: What makes you think that?

Comeau: Oh I don’t know, the fact that Katelyn just successfully performed a counter and now has a submission hold applied.

Daniel: I think the closest thing to a submission hold that Katelyn has ever performed was squeezing a man’s face between her thighs.

Mark: Must you be so sleazy?

Ackart: Short answer….yes.

It’s at this point, just when Katelyn….or this Katelyn facsimile starts feeling good about herself that Evermore swoops in. He steps over the upper back of Riggs, takes Parkwood around her neck and applies the dragon sleeper. He also reaches down with his other hand and wraps it under Riggs’ jaw, pulling up on it. The crowd screams at the sight of Evermore applying the double hold while Katelyn still applies the leg crab.

Comeau: What a unique position these three are trapped in. They’re all tangled up.

Riggs’ incredibly high threshold for pain keeps him from tapping out to this duel submission, although technically, if he were to submit it have no bearing on the contest. It’s all a matter of pride for the Painted Warrior. Finally the pain subsides thanks to an unlikely ally. Too Magnificent steps in behind Axl and gives him a straight headbunt to the back of the skull, breaking his double hold.

Once Evermore falls to his knees Too Magnificent transfers his attention to Katelyn’s back, delivering a straight big boot to her skull. The shot knocks her off of Riggs and sends her spiraling down to the canvas. Too Magnificent quickly approaches her and grabs the long locks of her hair, dragging the beauty to her feet. Although her face is obscured by the mask one can detect her level of fear rising, especially as she’s hoisted high into the air.

Mark: Oh no, oh no, oh no. This is not the position that Kate…or whoever the hell that is, wants to be in.

Parkwood’s lips are trembling as Too Magnificent gorilla presses her above his head and slowly approaches the dumpster. He stands just in front of the ropes, about to throw her over and into the garbage.

Comeau: This isn’t going to be good for the champion, she’s about to be thrown into the dumpster in an ever so violent manner.

Just as Katelyn’s fate seems sealed Riggs dives across the ring and clips Too Magnificent to the back of his knee. The blow knocks his legs out from under him, sending the big man collapsing to the canvas with Katelyn coming down right on top of his chest with a splash.

Mark: Riggs saving Katelyn….

Daniel: Well, I guess she would be the only person who would actually fuck him.

Comeau:….but I think he was more concerned with keeping this match alive than Katelyn’s preservation.

Too Magnificent presses Katelyn off of him and now sits up on the canvas. He is just starting to reach his feet when Riggs moves in and clocks him across the temple. The shot sends him turning towards Parkwood who delivers a swift kick to the ribs followed by a European Uppercut. These strikes have Too Magnificent all discombobulated as he now turns towards Riggs who leaps into the air and connects with a dropkick.

Somehow Too Magnificent is still upright, at least long enough to turn towards Katelyn and receive a dropkick as well. Finally he’s taken from his feet while Katelyn stands up looking proud of herself. She lifts her palms looking for a high five from Riggs only to receive a boot to the mid-section, doubling her over.

Riggs then steps to Katelyn’s side, grabs her belt and her hair and charges her straight towards the ropes. He throws her through, attempting to send her into the dumpster. Somehow Katelyn catches the middle rope though and lands on her seat across the apron.

Mark: Katelyn so close to going into the dumpster once again. Why do I have to keep calling her Katelyn by the way? We….EVERYONE, knows that isn’t actually Katelyn Parkwood competing with the protective face mask on.

Parkwood rises to her feet just as Riggs spots her, prompting him to come barreling towards her. He bends forward to spear her to the ribs when Katelyn flips forward over the top rope, rolling over Riggs’ back and landing on her feet behind him. She then takes off across the ring but only gets a few steps before she runs into a devastating superkick under the jaw from Evermore.

Parkwood almost flips entirely over backwards after being caught under the jaw with such extreme, heinous force.

Mark: That superkick was absolutely NASTY!

Daniel: And it connected with the one area of this surrogate’s face that WASN’T protected by the face mask. Which is a shame, because if it really is Katelyn under there, the less we see of her horse face the better.

Comeau: Evermore putting himself in the driver’s seat. He may be seconds away from claiming the N.H.B Title if he just get himself back in it.

Axl, all discombobulated from the blows he’s withstood in this match, reaches his feet just as Riggs grabs the top rope and leaps from the apron. Once again he lands on the upper most cable and comes flying off, this time looking for a double axehandle. He has no such luck, instead of hitting his move he’s the one hit with a kick to the ribs followed by the Fully Loaded stunner. The stunner connects with such whiplashing force that it sends Riggs flying through the air, and flipping over the top rope.

His only saving grace was the fact that his body tilted upon hitting the ropes and he now has dropped side first to the apron.

Mark: STUNNER! And I almost thought it put Riggs in the dumpster.

Ackart: Riggs should be used to waking up in a dumpster by now.

Comeau: So close, so close on Axl’s end, but if ever he had a chance to win that title, it’s here and it’s now.

Riggs’ eyes roll to the back of his head before he shakes off the stunner and instinctively rises to his feet. He is upright just in time for Katelyn to take advantage of his predicament. She has just reached her feet, still holding her cracked jaw before taking off straight towards a crawling Evermore. Axl is just getting his elbows and knees under him as Parkwood steps off of his back, leaping into a dropkick that connects to Riggs’ jaw.

The dropkick sends him twisting into the dumpster, Katelyn picking up the w….wait a tick, Riggs DIDN’T take the face first plunge into the sea of broken bottles, old condoms, and discarded Carrot Top albums. Somehow he has the wherewithal to land feet first on the verge edge of the dumpster, teetering back and forth as he tries to maintain his balance. He leans forward, swinging his arms and just about to go over.

Mark: This is the equivalent of walking a tight rope. Riggs somehow is standing on that tiny sliver of steel. This takes amazing balance.

Mrs. Parkwood is up alongside Evermore, who doesn’t appreciate being used a stool. The moment they reach their feet Katelyn tries to avenge the pain in her jaw, rushing forward for a right hand. Evermore side steps the fist, hooks his arm around her chest, takes her inner thigh and drops back into the Exploder suplex.

Mark: Katelyn is over and OUT.

Ackart: Just like any credibility you had before making that comment.

Evermore finally turns to spot Riggs still swinging his arms, trying to remain upright despite his wobbly legs. He is now crouched over the dumpster, proving to be easy pickings for his opponents. Axl bends down and rubs his hands together, about to perform a move that could simply be described as sensational and in the process win himself the No Holds Barred Title.

He is in the process of taking off when Too Magnificent swoops in at his side, grabbing the back of his head and his beltline, charging him forward and throwing him through the ropes. The top of his head cracks Riggs’ lower back and sends him tumbling into the dumpster.

Mark: Riggs is in the dumpster! This match is over.

Daniel: Riggs has finally made his way back home. Does this mean that wonderful motherfucker Too Magnificent is now the N.H.B Champion?

Comeau: A new champion has been crowned ladies and gentlemen, and I guess it would be Too Magnificent. But uhhh, I’m a tad bit confused myself here. Since Evermore technically was the one to send Riggs into that dumpster, then shouldn’t he be the Champion?

The official has the belt in hand but is currently scratching his head, looking all kinds of vexed. Before he can get ubber technical, Too Magnificent steals the gold right out of his hands and lifts it high into the air. A roar of cheers and boos can be heard from the crowd, the fans just as confused by what has transpired as the official.

Daniel: Well it’s official, Too Magnificent has the title, he’s duh’ champ.

Comeau: I’m not too sure about that Daniel….

Daniel: What do you mean? Too Magnificent THREW Evermore into Riggs, that means HE was the one who put that painted emo in the dumpster.

Mark: I just don’t think it’s as straightforward as your making it out to be.

Ackart: Of course it is.

Katelyn sits on the outside mats holding the back of her neck and watching with weeping eyes as Too Magnificent holds the N.H.B Championship up high. That’s when the tarp hanging from the apron lifts and the REAL Buehler, sans face mask looks at her surrogate and starts yelping like a bitch in heat. The imposter removes her mask, revealing her identity as Kitty Buehler, Katelyn’s impressionable sister.

Mark: Ummm, at least one matter has been solved. That definitely was not Katelyn in the ring and she looks pretty heated that her ringer, who we now know is Kitty Buehler, cost her the N.H.B Championship.

Daniel: Hey, there are no other matters in need of solving, Too Magnificent IS the N.H.B Champion.

Comeau: But not if it was Axl who physically put Riggs into the dumpster.

Ackart: Your being way too technical.

Mark: I’m being unbiased.

Ackart: Same difference.

Apparently Mark and Daniel aren’t the only ones arguing over the outcome of this match, which becomes apparent the moment the belt is ripped out of Too Magnificent’s hands. The angry giant spins around with blazing eyes as Axl Evermore holds the title up high to a rousing celebration from the crowd.

Comeau: It seems Axl thinks HE’S the champion.

Daniel: He has no case.

Clearly the crowd trusts Evermore’s opinion on the matter, taking quite a shinning to the idea of their hero walking away title in hand. Too Magnificent isn’t as receptive of the idea. The moment he sees the gold in Axl’s hand he flips out. His whole body goes red as he begins shouting threats, curse words, pretty much anything that pops into his head.

Too Magnificent: Put that belt down MOTHERFUCKER, you know I won it. I’m the FUCKING Champion.

Evermore retorts in a mocking fashion.

Evermore: I’m afraid not. Seems tonight, you had no FUCKING luck. Tell ‘em ref.

The official isn’t as convinced as either competitor, looking for a rule book to consult in order to solve this dilemma. Too Magnificent isn’t waiting for an official ruling, he grabs the N.H.B Title and tries to tear it away from Axl. For Evermore this is enough to inspire a fight.

His fist drills Too Magnificent’s jaw and the big man returns with a shot of his own. They only employ one fist each to inflict punishment and their other set of hands are utilized to grasp the belt. They play a very physical game of tug of war.

Mark: I guess this is how they’re going to settle the debate.

Ackart: This is pretty much the way all debates are settled in the IWC.

Fists continue to fly, leaving both men unaware of what, or more accurately, whom, has slid into the ring behind them. Before Too Magnificent knows what’s happening, he’s on the canvas wheezing from air. All the oxygen was knocked out of his lungs by the steel chair swung into his back by Psycho.

Mark: That madman has got a chair and he’s just taken out Too Magnificent.

Before Psycho can get the chair raised for a second blow, Evermore steps in, delivering a boot to his ribs. Psycho is doubled over, head being caught on top of his rival’s shoulder. Axl prepares for the stunner only to be shoved off, sent staggering to the center of the ring.

He turns around and charges back at Psycho, desperate to inflict a little more pain on him. Instead it’s Evermore who experiences trauma, of the blunt variety. Psycho catches his inbound head with a skull shattering chair shot!

Mark: Axl taken out with the chair as well! What a sickening collision. He put all his strength behind that blow.

Daniel: That killed what few braincells Evermore had left.

A large indentation of Evermore’s skull resides in the surface of Psycho’s chair. He raises it up high, a trophy commemorating his attack. The crowd reacts with the expected wave of revulsion, even as Psycho thumps his chest with his fist and gives them a truly harrowing stare.

He isn’t done yet however, not by a long-shot. He steps towards Too Magnificent, his wounded rival desperately trying to get up from the canvas. That’s when a hand engulfs his throat, Psycho’s eyes widening. Too Magnificent rises to his knees, face twisted with intensity. Obviously the only thing he wants right now, isn’t a title, it’s the sight of Psycho’s blood dripping from his hands.

Daniel: It takes a little more than chair shots to hold Too Magnificent down. Now shots of Tequila, that’s a different story.

Too Magnificent begins to stand up, still grasping the throat of his shocked nemesis. Before he can set his plans into motion, a steel chair slams viciously against his upper spine. The steel can be traced back to the hands of Riggs, who know becomes a source of infamy in the minds of all the fans.

Mark: And Too Magnificent takes ANOTHER shot to the back with a chair. Riggs getting some retribution after being sent into that dumpster.

Now that his throat is free and Too Magnificent is laid out before him, Psycho begins to direct traffic, pointing to the struggling Evermore. Axl is trying his best to overcome the blow from the chair, but his attempts are futile at best. He is quickly rolled to his back by Riggs who then places the edge of a chair against his throat. The steel is erected vertically from Evermore’s neck into the air.

Comeau: What are these two doing?

Ackart: I guarantee their not putting in a feeding tube.

Riggs nods to Psycho, letting him know that he’s ready. The Sadistic One shakes with inner rage, taking his chair into both hands and raising it high into the air.

Mark: No, no, no, nooooo!

He gets a running start to maximize damage before swinging the chair down with as much force as he can muster directly into the chair wedged to his rival’s throat. Almost immediately blood begins to ooze from Axl’s esophagus, rolling to his side as his whole face goes purple.

Mark: They may have just killed Evermore.

Daniel: You bastards.

Mark: How can you find this amusing?

Daniel: I don’t know, I guess I need psychological help or something.

Axl is actually seizing on the canvas as his brain suffers from a lack of oxygen. The very weapons that may have sealed his fate once and for all are thrown to the ring beside him. Riggs and Psycho are through with the chairs, now having something far more insidious in mind.

Comeau: We need serious help out here for Evermore. It looks like Psycho and Riggs have crushed his windpipe. This is a very dangerous injury for anyone.

Blood still dribbles from the crack of Axl’s mouth as he holds his throat with both hands, eyes beginning to roll to the back of his head. What he doesn’t know is that he got off easy for weeks upon weeks of attacks on Psycho, Too Magnificent is the one suffering the ultimate punishment.

A match book is slipped out of Riggs’ tights while Psycho removes a bottle of lighter fluid from a pocket. They make their way towards the open dumpster, Psycho providing a little igniter and Riggs providing the fire. He strikes a match and throws it into the dumpster, the whole thing lighting up, flames shooting into the air.

Mark: This has gone far enough, don’t take this to a place you don’t want to go gentlemen.

Daniel: I think they’ve been every place, Mark, even Alabama. You couldn’t pay me to go to Alabama, and I’m banned from Idaho.

The crowd watches in awe as the flames dance and flicker in the air. It’s these very flames that are about to transform from a thing of beauty to a weapon of torture. Too Magnificent doesn’t know what’s in store for him as he ascends to his knees, body shaking from the chair shots and anger. All the anger in the world is not enough to save him though from the clubbing blows being delivered by both Riggs and Psycho.

Every ounce of fight is removed from his body as he is led to his feet.

Comeau: Somebody get out here and stop this? Where is security at already?

Daniel: Taking a dump? Watching funny Youtube videos? How should I know?

Too Magnificent has no idea what pain awaits him as he is yanked to his feet and grabbed by the wrists. Despite the pleas of the audience neither Psycho nor Riggs cater to their demands. Instead they answer only to the voices in their heads. The lethal pear charge Too Magnificent across the ring and just as he regains awareness he goes flying through the ropes into the pit of flames.

Mark: OOOOOH MMMMYYY GOOOOD!

Ackart: Ouch.

Comeau: They threw him in the flaming dumpster, they just threw him in the fire. Jesus Christ!

Riggs and Psycho back up with grins stretching from one ear to the other. They finally have a cause to smile as Too Magnificent’s flesh burns inside of the dumpster. He isn’t frying for long because Simon Cagero comes bolting down the ramp, extinguisher in hand.

Comeau: The World Heavyweight Champion finally able to make his way out here.

Simon slides into the ring as Psycho and Riggs exit, having already made their point. They’re content to just watch as the World Champion shoots foam into the dumpster, putting out the flames. The second the fire stops shooting from the dumpster Cagero begins to call out for his tag team partner and some medical help. His demands are answered as EMTs come barreling down the ramp, as well as trainers and EMTs. While some gather around Evermore, checking on his condition, others flank the dumpster, trying to save Too Magnificent’s life.

Mark: Ladies….ladies and gentl….ladies and gentlemen, what you’ve just seen here, was….I don’t even have words to describe this.

Daniel: It was FUBAR. There you go Mark, when you don’t have actual words, stick to abbreviations.

Mark: Who knows what damage has been done to Evermore and Too Magnificent, both men look to have suffered career ending injuries at the hands of the Painted Warrior and the Sadistic One. The medical staff is out here, but I don’t know how much they can help either man.

Simon crouches over the dumpster, desperately looking inside, trying to see through all the smoke. EMTs urge him to step aside but he isn’t going anywhere, not until he’s gotten some answers, some type of confirmation that his partner isn’t dead. One of the anxious EMTs screams towards the back.

EMT: Dammit, someone get the burn unit out here NOW!

A bee’s nest of activity continues go on around the dumpster, and the injured body of Axl Evermore. Riggs and Psycho actually have the audacity to begin laughing over their actions, highly amused. They back up the ramp and watch what they’ve set in motion, enjoying the fruits of their labor.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Live Only On Pay-Per-View

NO F’N RULES

Simon: Cock suckers…..MOTHERFUCKS…..

Cagero just keeps pacing and occasionally shouting a four letter word into the air. Standing before him, closest to the camera is Michelle Blacker. She peaks over her shoulder cautiously to keep an eye on the blood red World Champion, his belt adorning his shoulder and rage oozing from every inch of his tense body.

Michelle: We’re back live on Riot! and just moments ago, one of the most disturbing, and sexy incidents in IWC history took place….

A brief clip overtakes the screen with images pertaining to the very event being referenced. First Evermore is shown receiving a throat crushing blow from Psycho and Riggs with the use of steel chairs, before cutting to the far more heinous sight of Too Magnificent plunging into the fire. We’re taken back to live action where Michelle looks positively hot and bothered. Cagero is finally standing at her side, seething, trying to control his breaths.

Blacker: Simon, I understand that EMTs did get to Too Magnificent and he is being rushed to a nearby medical facility. Can you tell us anything about his condit…..

Cagero: Fuck that Michelle, FUCK THAT!

The microphone is forcefully taken from her palm and Cagero shoves her out of the camera’s frame by the arm. Much to Michelle’s liking. He gestures for the camera to come closer.

Simon: I’m not going to stand here and indulge the egos of either Riggs or Psycho by gushing about how bad Too Magnificent looked when they took him out of that dumpster. I’m sure they’re somewhere right now doing a circle jerk, orgasming at the idea that they’ve seared every inch of Too Magnificent’s flesh. Well take your dicks out of each other’s mouths and put them back in your pants boys. He may not have looked pretty, but I assure you that they didn’t do nearly as much damage as they were hoping. That’s right fucknuts, it’s going to take a whole lot more to put Too Magnificent, that twisted motherfucker out. But tonight, we’re going to find out how much it takes to put you on the shelf, Psycho. It’s time to see how tough you really are.

Simon’s words are full of intensity and emotion, feeding off the image of Too Magnificent’s body being stretchered from the building.

Simon: Sure you fuckers have a standard MO of attacking while our backs are turned, but let’s see what you do when we stand toe to toe vis a vis. That’s just what’s gonna happen later tonight, and to make sure that nothing keeps me from hurting you, I want that match to be no disqualification, no count outs, NO FUCKIN RULES! Just you and me, Psycho, gloves off, fists clinched, ready to wage a fucking war. There’s not gonna be a ref stoppage, or a time limit draw, I’m taking you out bloody and I’m taking my time doing it too. And Riggs….

The intensity fades in favor of a laugh, albeit a chilling one.

Simon: I hope you do try and get involved tonight, because I’ll have no problem wiping the floor with your vagina too. For once the blood’s not gonna be coming from your yoo-hoo, it’s going to be creeping out of every orifice in your body. Oh, and you better believe, that after tonight, your going to have a couple more orifices to finger you sick, creepy fuck!

The determination in his voice and his uncensored words are enough to get the crowd thoroughly pumped.

Simon: Gentlemen, if you play with fire, you had better be ready to get burnt.

The camera zooms in on his eyes. Eyes devoid of emotion, of any and all feelings, of empathy. The mic is forced back into Michelle’s chest and Simon doesn’t even acknowledge her as he rolls. He storms down the hallway, very passionate about revenge. Blacker tries to get some control over herself as he sighs and provides a closing remark.

Michelle: Simon wants payback so badly he’s challenged Psycho to a no disqualification match later tonight, in what promises to be the hottest ma…..

Christian: Excuse me.

The crowd unleashes its venom all over the confident Christian as he swaggers into the interview area. Rose Savior is joined at his side, her elbow interlocked around Savior’s. Much like Simon he too wears a belt, the Cartel Championship that he won by virtue of another man’s hard work.

Savior: I couldn’t help overhearing.

Rose: Yeah, we pretty much just eavesdropped.

Christian: Exactly. And although I hate to be one of those GM figures who shamefully exploits his position to get his face on television every twenty seconds….

He takes a moment to smile wide and proud towards the camera.

Savior: I had to appear on camera and make an announcement. Simon Cagero gave me a BLOCKBUSTER idea.

Michelle: He did.

Christian: Yes, and don’t interrupt me, I’ve fired people for far less.

Michelle becomes tight lipped for the first time in her life.

Savior: Simon has inspired me to bring back the Twilight Zone!

The fans officially feel let down but Savior is thrilled at the magnitude of his announcement. Rose shares in his excitement and scowls at Michelle until she offers up a forced smile of her own.

Christian: THE most popular talk show of all times. The only form of media that isn’t biased or swayed by politicians and lobbyists. This is the show that makes David Letterman and Jay Leno wish they had one tenth of my charisma and viewership. And to make this show even more historic, even more of a guaranteed ratings grabber, we’re gonna have a very special guest. THE biggest guest in the history of the Twilight Zone. The man who accomplished what nobody else could at the Overbooked Extravaganza.

His face turns to the camera, blatantly acknowledging the fans.

Savior: So set your DVRs now kiddies, cause you’re in for quite a show. Oh, and your welcome.

ANYTHING?

Billy: Come on, I’m begging ya, I’m groveling Jackson, I’m putting my heart on my sleeve here…..

With hands clasped together in a typical prayer gesture Billy gazes longingly into the eyes of the newly crowned Submission Champion. The crowd inside of the Manhattan Center actually pop rather excitedly at the sight of Jackson Adams, who is in the process of stroking his jaw and contemplating Billy’s proposal.

Mayne: Throw me a bone, JA. I’m desperate.

Adams takes a second to overlook the lockeroom, not wanting to make eye contact with Billy until he’s made a decision.

Adams: Soooo, you want ME to give YOU a job?

Billy eagerly nods his head.

Jackson: What exactly could you do for me? I’m already the Submission Champion, I’m already in the upper echelon of the IWC roster, I’m already the hottest commodity in all of wrestling. And most importantly I’m no longer held down and surrounded by a bunch of walking sperm banks, so what, WHAT could you possibly do that would benefit me?

The anxious Mayne scrambles for an answer.

Billy: Um, lots of things.

Adams: Such aaaaassss?

Mayne: Well, uhhh, I could be your own personal ego stroker. Yeah! I’m good at that. I mean, I’ve spent basically my whole commentating career buttering you up, making you sound like a God.

Jackson: You don’t have to make me sound like what I already am.

Billy: Of course. But whenever your down in the dumps, I’ll be right there to spout off another long line of biased, boosting comments.

Adams: Hmmm.

Jackson continues scratching at the stubble on his chin, deep in contemplation.

Billy: Come ooooon JA. I lost my job, my apartment, my wife….

Jackson: You were married?

Mayne: No, but it makes me sound more sympathetic.

Adams: Good point.

Billy: I just really, really need a job. And after all the time I’ve dedicated to worshipping you, the least you can do is employee me. I’m willing to do anything, ANYTHING!

Jackson goes on mulling over his options before finally making eye contact with the former commentator.

Jackson: Alright, I’ll tell you what. I’ll take you on on a trial basis. If you prove yourself worthy you’ll become my full time right hand man.

Mayne: That’s not the hand that you use too uhhh…..

Before he can make any obscene gestures Jackson corrects him.

Adams: Noooooo, that’s not what I’m talking about, Billy. You’ll be my go to guy, does that sound any less suggestive?

Billy: Ya betcha’. And don’t worry Jacky, you won’t regret this, not one little bit. I’m going to be the best go to guy EVER!

Jackson: Good, you can start by carrying this to the ring for me.

The Submission Title, in all it’s glistening glory, is slipped off of Jackson’s shoulder and bestowed unto Billy’s forearms. Mayne almost creams in his pants at the honor of holding the championship.

Mayne: For real?

Jackson: Yeah, just try not to breath on it too much.

Mayne polishes the belt with his shirt sleeve.

Adams: Now let’s go prove why I am the best technical wrestler on the planet.

Billy: No, in the UNIVERSE!

Jackson: Let’s not go to overboard.

Mayne: Okie dokie.

Adams turns and vacates his dressing room while Billy eagerly follows behind, carefully cradling the belt to his chest like it were a nursing infant.

Mark: Jackson Adams on his way out here ready to defend his Submission Title against Hurse, NEXT.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The Greatest Line in Cinematic History

JACKSON © VS. HURSE

Comeau: Welcome back to Riot! on an already unst….you know, I’m finding it hard to even continue after what we saw moments ago.

Ackart: Yeah, every time Billy Mayne’s face is on camera I get a little ill too.

Mark: I’m not talking about Billy’s face, although it is unsettling. I’m talking about this disturbing turn of events that took place when Psycho and Riggs took out Evermore and Too Magnificent. We’re going to try and keep you fans updated on the conditions of both men throughout the night.

“House of the Rising Sun” remix edition hits the PA system, the EverEve vocals screeching through the air and ushering Hurse forth to the stage. He pauses and listens to an overwhelmingly positive reaction from the crowd. The fans are upright and teeming with excitement as the Master of Control swaggers towards the ring. Although things may have gone horribly awry for him at the pay-per-view Hurse still looks to be in good spirits as he jumps to the apron then scales the turnbuckle. He reaches the top and forms an “H” pattern with his hands.

Mark: Well I guess we’re ready to get the show back on the road with some Submission Title action, baby.

Daniel: Wow, for once you didn’t sound like a monotone robot, Mark.

Comeau: Thanks, I guess.

Daniel: I’m not sure I meant it as a compliment.

Mark: I’ll take it as one anyways. I think the dichotomy of this match was just altered by the fact that Jackson Adams has got himself a new personal assistant in Billy Mayne, who I know will have some type of influence over the outcome of this match. Whether that outcome proves beneficial for Hurse or not, remains to be seen.

Daniel: I’m going to assume it will be the “or not” part that comes true.

Although fired up Hurse still looks drained from the bout at the Overbooked Extravaganza, wearing a bandage over the back of his head to conceal the seven stitches he needed to close the gash in his skull. A wound re-aggravated by the attack of James Exeter on the last SCW Breakdown. Nevertheless he hops to the middle rope, bounces up and down on it and points to the crowd, some of which actually chanting his name. That’s when….

"Who's to know if your soul will fade at all,
The one you sold to fool the world.
You lost your self esteem along the way.
Yeah."

The lights dim as black lights illuminate the arena, Jackson Adams then steps out onto the ramp with major mixed reactions from the crowd. Billy Mayne follows along excitedly from behind, holding up the Submission Title with both hands.

"Good God, You're coming up with reasons.
Good God, You're dragging it out.
Good God, it's the changing of the seasons.
I feel so raped.
SO FOLLOW ME DOWN.

And just fake it, if you're out of direction.
Fake it, if you don't belong here.
Fake it, if you feel like infection .
Woah, You're such a fuckin' hypocrite"

Jackson just strolls down the ramp with an arrogant cocky grin on his face, he walks up the ramp and along the edge of the ring, he stops and wipes his boots in a cocky like manor on the ring apron before pausing to eye Hurse. He then glances back at Billy who is protecting the Submission title with his life.

Mark: As you can see Jackson added some bling to his attire at the pay-per-view.

Daniel: Did you just say bling?

Comeau: Erm, yeah.

Daniel: Don’t ever do that again.

Comeau: Gotcha. Anyway, in an act that could only be described as super human, Jackson Adams overcame an attack at the start of the Overbooked Extravaganza by his own partner, entered the gauntlet with Pat Evans, and forced Robin to tap out so he could claim the Submission Title. It’s the very belt he puts on the line tonight against a man who has a long history with the title, in Hurse.

Jackson turns to face Hurse, the two former friends making eye contact. Obviously Hurse isn’t about to forget what happened at Upping the Ante, and Jackson isn’t here looking to make any type of apology for his past misdeeds. With Billy cheering Adams on from the outside of the ring, the champion and the challenger begin to circle one another.

Mark: These two have such a looooong past, spanning several years, dating back to the first incarnation of the Empire and the resurgence of the Alpha Generation.

Daniel: Sorry, I tend to puke a little in my mouth every time you mention the Alpha Generation.

Adams and Hurse continue circling one another, neither man taking the other’s skills for granted. Finally the bell rings and both men rush forward into a collar elbow tie up. They jockey for positioning against one another before Adams quickly swings around and applies the arm ringer. He twists at the wrist with all his strength before Hurse drops into a forward roll, gets to his feet, then cartwheels across the canvas and in the process reverses the wrist lock.

He spins under Jackson’s arm then twists it at an awkward angle as he tucks it behind the champion’s back.

Mark: Hammerlock applied. These two men getting this Submission Title bout underway with some straight up wrestling.

Adams delivers a reverse elbow directly to the temple of Hurse but it isn’t enough to break the hold. Therefore he reaches back, wraps his arm around Hurse’s neck then pushes himself from the canvas with his feet. He gets up into the air and then drops forward, delivering a snapmare. Hurse flips over Jackson’s shoulder, breaking his hold then rolls across the canvas to his feet.

He quickly springs to the middle rope of the cables that he rolled within a few inches of then twists in mid-air. He twists in mid-air, catches Jackson’s elbow and performs a big arm drag takedown. Adams is flipped over, crashing to his back with Hurse kneeling at his side, twisting and wrenching at the bicep with an arm lock.

Hurse kneels at Jackson’s side, trapping the bicep in his palms while the Champ slams his fist to the canvas in outrage.

Mark: Hurse out to a great start. He’s got that arm picked and locked. This has got to be unsettling for Adams.

Daniel: I think associating with anyone but himself is unsettling for Adams.

Jackson rolls back and forth, trying to find a quick and painless escape from the submission. He eventually does roll completely over backwards, forcing Hurse to stand up as he tries to keep hold of Jackson’s bicep. That’s when Adams lifts his elbow, drives the point down into one of Hurse’s forearms and pushes it away. He then swings under Hurse’s other arm and tucks it around behind his back, applying the hammerlock and a tremendous amount of pressure.

Comeau: Brilliant counter by the Co-Submission Champion. I imagine that Porno Lad still has some kind of claim over that championship.

Ackart: Yes, that way things can keep on being horribly convoluted.

Now it’s Hurse who tries to counter in much the same way that Jackson did earlier by reaching back for the snapmare. Jackson bites at Hurse’s fingers once they near his face, preventing his own counter coming back to haunt him. Therefore Hurse wedges his feet to the canvas and charges backwards in the direction of a turnbuckle. As a result Adams is driven spine first into the corner, breaking his hold in the process.

He slumps forward, looking as if the air has been knocked out of him while Hurse steps to the center of the ring. He then turns around and comes barreling forward only to have Jackson dive out of the corner, slip over his hip, catch him by the back of the tights and pull Hurse down into a school boy.

Instead of going for the pin he allows Hurse to roll through, dropping chest first to the canvas with Adams landing at his side and quickly applying a fujiwara on the arm.

Comeau: Another beautiful counter leading this time into the fujiwara armbar. Jackson showing a side of himself we don’t see very often, gracing us with true technical precision.

Adams rears back on the arm until the shoulder almost pops out of the socket. Hurse is groaning in anguish, bitting at his knuckles, trying to prevent tapping out to the best of his abilities. The option seems damned appeasing at this junction in time, as it would free him from this crippling pain.

All the while Billy is rushing around the ringside area hooting and hollering, trying to get the fans out of their seats. While some do cheer for Adams, others aren’t quite as enamored by the loud mouth superstar. Jackson rears even further back on the hold until he can almost hear snapping sinew.

Daniel: Oh just tap already Hurse, your only prolonging the agony. The guy hasn’t won a match since George Bush left the white house.

Hurse continues to toy with the notion of submitting before he puts the notion out of his head entirely. He rises to a knee with Jackson sitting up beside him, still trying to keep his opponent down. Hurse suddenly ducks his head and drops into a forward roll, his leg falling over the bottom rope.

Mark: Hurse utilizing his first rope break. He’s already down to two.

Jackson, not one to be outdone, climbs to his feet, briefly releases Hurse’s wrist only to grab his arm yet again and use it to drag the challenger to the center of the ring. He then swings around, drops down and applies a cross arm breaker, his legs grapevining Hurse’s shoulder and bicep.

Mark: He’s right back in yet another hold! Jackson doesn’t believe in the concept of a rest period.

Daniel: Nor should he. He’s being an asshole, and some times being an asshole is the only way to win.

Once again Mayne is hopping all about, chanting Jackson’s name like a cheerleader. In fact he even implores the fans to give him a “J!” Before the rest of the name could be spelt out, which would probably take a good half an hour at this rate, the match may already be over. Jackson has Hurse’s arm in a hold that is simply mangling every muscle within it.

Hurse tries to interlock his hands to take off some of the pressure but it’s pointless. All he can do is start dragging himself across the ring towards the far cables, looking for some means of alleviating the pressure on this hold. He gets nowhere fast, so now he begins punching his free hand at the knees of Adams. The Champion’s leg strength begins to weaken as punch after punch nails him to the kneecap.

Finally Hurse wraps his arm around one of Jackson’s ankles and begins bridging his body off of the canvas. He swings out of the bridge and frees his arm from between the legs of his opponent, twisting around onto his knees and facing the now seated Adams. Jackson still has hold of the wrist as he and Hurse rush one another to their feet.

The moment that Hurse gets up Jackson takes him down with a deep arm drag, flipping him right back over and putting him on his back. Adams then twists his rival’s arm over backwards into the top wrist lock.

Comeau: I don’t know where Adams has been hiding this, but I’m amazed by his performance thus far in this match.

Hurse isn’t so much amazed as humbled by the efforts of his former teammate turned rival. Despite the crippling pain in his arm he begins to sit up, fighting, pushing through the pain that is traumatizing him so. The crowd grows anxious, wondering if he does have the fight to alleviate this pressure.

Hurse slowly stands up, Jackson still twisting the arm over backwards at a brutal, barbaric angle. No matter how much pain he is in, Hurse’s desire for championship gold trumps his anguish. He reaches his feet and then swings his body, trying to slip under his own arm in order to get behind Adams and break the hold. Jackson saw it coming, for the second that Hurse twists around Adams turns, keeps a hold of his wrist and launches him off into the cables.

Hurse leaps to the middle rope, jumps off and twists in mid-air only to this time be caught with an atomic drop. Jackson falls to a knee, and lifts the other into the air, Hurse falling crotch first right on top of it. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

Adams wasn’t about to be tricked by the same maneuver, his counter leaving Hurse hopping up and down grabbing at his swelling testicles. Adams stands up straight and then charges forward into a big lariat to the throat, taking the challenger down hard to the canvas.

Comeau: Adams just continuing to dominate this match. He knows Hurse so well that he can counter everything being thrown at him.

Ackart: They’ve spent a disturbing amount of time together in the past. I think one time I actually saw them sharing an ice=cream cone.

Comeau: That IS disturbing.

Hurse scrambles across the canvas and reaches his feet as Jackson now goes airborne, sailing shoulder first right into his chest. The blow takes both men off of their feet but Jackson doesn’t stay down for long. He pops right back up and he’s motioning for Hurse to do the same, anxious to end this contest. The shaken up Parkwood slowly ascends to his feet only to be hit with a fireman’s carry takeover, putting him right back down to the canvas.

Jackson is obviously showing off some amateur wrestling moves on his would be challenger. Hurse rolls to his knees and begins to rise to his feet when Jackson steps in and over his head, hooking both arms. He’s obviously setting up for a move he now refers to as Blissful Arrogance. He heaves Hurse up into the air for the Angel’s Wings portion of the move only to have the challenger fall back to his feet.

He then swings his body, freeing his arm and his head from this horrifying predicament. He slips under Jackson’s arm and grabs hold of the wrist in the process, using it to turn Adams around and trap his head in a stunner position.

Mark: Hurse countering the Blissful Arrogance into what looks to be the Disinfectant.

Daniel: How sad, he goes for this move more often than Ric Flair goes up top, and it NEVER pays off.

Hurse begins to rush at the turnbuckle, tugging Jackson along behind so that he can hit his sit out sliced bread number 2. Jackson pulls his head free at the last second though and grabs both of his opponent’s arms, twisting hima round into the unprettier.

Just before he can connect Hurse pushes him off, sending Jackson stumbling forward. Adams catches himself before he trips and falls to the canvas, spinning around quickly then barreling back towards his opposition. Hurse catches him on the knee with a dropkick, the blow sending Adams flying face first into a middle turnbuckle pad. Jackson bounces skull first from the turnbuckle forcefully and then comes staggering back into the waiting arms of Hurse.

With a certain swagger in every motion Hurse wraps up Jackson’s leg and his arm then drops back into a Russian Leg Sweep. The second both men hit the canvas Hurse reaches up with his leg, wraps it around the back of Jackson’s head and applies a modification of the Porn Pretzel.

Mark: Oh hello, we don’t see this move very often, especially out of Hurse.

Daniel: To be fair, we rarely see ANY moves out of Hurse.

Jackson finds himself in excruciating pain as Billy slaps the apron, pleading for him to get out of the hold. It isn’t as if he’s not trying. Jackson squirms and slithers, trying to finagle his way out of the grasp of his opponent. Finally he begins to throw some rear elbows into Hurse’s ribs, inflicting enough damage to allow him to sneak out of the submission.

Adams begins to stand up over Hurse’s legs then turn around to face him. Unfortunately for the Champion, Hurse reaches up with his legs, interlocks them around Jackson’s knee and sends him tripping forward into the canvas. The crowd pops as Hurse stands up over the crease of Adams’ kneecap and applies the Boston Leg Crab.

Mark: Single Boston Crab. Hurse did a very nice of transitioning into this hold.

Daniel: He should know a few things about transitions. I mean, he was the world’s longest transitional champion.

Jackson wedges both elbows to the canvas and looks up, seeing through the ropes into the face of his own personal endorser. Billy is frantically waving him towards the cables, insisting that he reach them and deny any and all temptation to tap out. That’s easier said then done however, something that Jackson knows all to well in his current predicament.

With his leg being folded over backwards until the cartilage in his knee begins to snap, Adams claws his way towards the ropes and finally grabs hold of salvation. His fingers interlock around the middle rope and half the crowd erupts into cheers.

Comeau: And Adams saves his title. Hurse was on the brink of forcing a submission.

Once Hurse hears that Jackson has utilized his first rope break the Master of Control releases the leg and steps forward mouthing profanities. Self doubt is starting to kick in as he shakes his head back and forth, wondering what it takes to get a win in the IWC, or more accurately if HE has what it takes.

He tries to block those thoughts from his head, turning back towards Adams who has reached his feet thanks to the ropes. Hurse comes charging in just as Jackson steps away from the cables and both men throw simultaneous lariats. Their arms connect on one another’s throats at the same time, knocking them both down to the canvas simultaneously.

Daniel: I guess these guys are playing a violent version of monkey see, monkey do. Next thing you know they’ll be flinging their feces at one another.

Mark: If that’s the level they’ll have to stoop to in order to leave champion tonight then I wouldn’t put it past them. Both of these guys had the same idea and it met with the same result, duel lariats leaving them incapacitated.

As both men lay on the canvas gasping for air, the official watches on, eyes nervously shifting between their faces. He anxiously watches as Adams rolls towards his side, slapping his knee to work out the kinks. Hurse rolls away from the Champion, grabbing at his shoulder to get the blood pumping yet again.

The two slowly reach their feet and almost immediately Jackson drills Hurse to the jaw with a closed fist. The Master of Control stumbles back a few steps and then goes for a closed fist of his own. Jackson ducks it, steps around behind Hurse and waists. Just as the Challenger spins around, Jackson leaps from his feet for the dropkick only to have both of his legs caught in mid-air.

Adams collapses to his back and finds his legs on the verge of being trapped in the Inverted Liontamer.

Comeau: Hurse going straight after the legs, he’s going to establish the Legend Lock and put Adams away. He won the Submission Title last year around this time, can he repeat history?

Daniel: Doesn’t he repeat history every time he does a promo?

Hurse pugnaciously tries to apply the hold but Adams isn’t making it easy for him. He twists from side to side, trying to prevent being ensnared in his opponent’s trap. He realizes that if locked in this hold the ropes may be too far away to save him this time.

Adams continues to fight, twisting from one side, then the other, desperately holding on. Hurse is just as desperate to get the submission applied but now realizes that this is an exercise in futility. Therefore he turns his back to the corner and drops in reverse, catapulting Adams straight into the turnbuckle.

Jackson flies through the air and lands feet first on the middle rope. He then quickly twists around just as a shocked Hurse comes bumbling towards him.

He runs right into a closed fist to the face, a blow so stiff it causes a near brain-dead Hurse to spin away from him. His eyes are incredibly groggy as he begins staggering towards the center of the ring. Jackson uses his opponent’s position to his advantage, jumping off of the turnbuckle, landing behind Hurse and then immediately trying to apply the very hold that forced Robin to tap out at the Overbooked Extravaganza.

Comeau: He’s going for that Cobra Clutch variation yet again. Will it help Adams defeat yet another IWC icon?

Hurse isn’t about to tap out yet again, he reaches up with his free hand, grabs Jackson’s forearm and then falls to his knees. He utilizes this grasp on Jackson’s arm to flip him over his back and send the Champion crashing to the canvas in front of him. However, Adams maintains some control of the cobra clutch, landing on his back then flipping Hurse off of his knees and back first onto the champion’s stomach.

The moment Hurse lands on top of Jackson he plucks his head free from the hold, stands up, twists around and grabs both of Adams’ legs. The crowd screams as Hurse twists Jackson over to his stomach and applies the Legend Lock.

Mark: Now it’s over, now we just may have ourselves a brand new Submission Champion.

Daniel: Who gives a fuck?

Mark: I’m sure plenty of non-egocentric people do.

Daniel: Really? You think so? Because more often than not, people just like the things I tell them to like. Behold the power of media!

Mark: Nice to see you haven’t developed a megalomania personality, Daniel.

Daniel: And it’s nice to see that you haven’t developed a personality at all, Mark.

As the endless chatter continues Jackson raises his eyes to yet again stare at the ropes. They seem like their miles away, like Jackson is on an island surrounded by an endless expanse of ocean. Even though he knows the swim will be treacherous he begins to swing his arms and pull himself towards the cables, towards civilization.

He moves inch by crippling inch towards the ropes, Hurse rearing back as far as he possibly can until he threatens to leave Jackson a paraplegic. With his whole face transforming into a shade of crimson, Jackson reaches out for the cables and his middle finger curls around the bottom rope.

Comeau: I’m shocked, Jackson has actually gotten to the ropes and now the hold must be broken.

Daniel: That’s sad, this is probably the first time Hurse has had the offensive in a match in probably six months. Ever since he stopped banging that slut with testicles, and no, I’m not talking about Miho Miyazaki.

Jackson pants heavily, like an overheated dog trying to cool itself on a hot summer day. Hurse steps to the center of the ring, bending forward with both hands wedged to his knees. Once again he’s quietly contemplating what’s to be done here, and what’s to be done about his career.

He turns around and finds the strength to go after Jackson one last time. He grabs the leg of the still winded Champion and begins to pull him back towards the center of the ring. Jackson slides across his spine and finally comes to, realizing that he’s about to be dealt another painful blow.

He lifts both feet up into the air, wedges them to Hurse’s chest and kicks him off. The Master of Control actually back flips however, landing straight on his feet then charging back at Adams who lifts his feet into the air for a monkey flip. This time Hurse cartwheels over the raised feet, avoiding them all together and landing gracefully at Jackson’s side. He then steps in and drops the elbow only to connect with nothing more than canvas.

Jackson rolled out of the way in the nick of time, causing the point of Hurse’s elbow to drill the canvas. He flops over onto his knees in pain while Jackson stands up in front of him. He rushes at Hurse only for his challenger to crawl through his legs and stand up behind his back.

Adams is stunned by Hurse’s blinding speed, spinning around only to receive kick to the gut that puts him right in position for the Lysol Injection. Hurse steps over Jackson’s back and hooks one arm after the other, setting up for the pedigree. He jumps into the air to plant the face of Champion violently into the canvas only for Adams to provide a last second counter.

He reaches out, grabs the back of Hurse’s knees and plucks his legs out from under him. The Challenger collapses to his back and Adams steps through the raised legs before rolling Hurse to his stomach in a modified sharpshooter.

Comeau: He’s got it, Jackson has got that new submission of his locked in, he calls that the Straight Shooter. Will it be just the ticket he needs to ride the train to Successville.

Ackart: Leave the creative one liners up to people like me, please, Mark.

The pain is almost too much for Hurse to bear, his spine being bent at a very awkward angle. He shakes his head as the official asks him whether he wants to submit or not. Obviously the Master of Control wants to hang in there, holding out hope that he can overcome this trauma. Now it’s his eyes that glare at the ropes which seem to be separated from him by kilometers.

He takes the canvas into both palms and begins dragging his way towards them, realizing that he still has two rope breaks left. Adams sits down even further on the sharpshooter, almost putting his rear on the back of Hurse’s head.

Mark: He’s trying, he’s trying to reach those ropes. This is more fight than I’ve seen from Hurse in a long time.

Alas the ropes prove to be just too far out of reach. He lifts his hand into the air and begins slapping the canvas to the despair of many and the cheers of a few.

Mark: And he retains, Jackson Adams retains his Submission Title in a hell of a competitive match between these two.

Ackart: Now that we have that spectacle out of the way, when are we going to see the half naked chicks come out here and bounce around in some mud? You know, see some real wrestling?

Comeau: Apparently our definitions of REAL wrestling differ greatly. What we just saw was a very technical, straight up bout, where both these athletes left their all in the ring over that Submission Title. Jackson has proven without a shadow of a doubt that he deserves to hold that gold this evening.

Jackson drops to his knees, sweaty profusely and aching from the sheer physicality of this hold for hold match up. Even though he may have just defeated the ailing, unmoving Hurse, he seems to have gained a whole new level of respect for him. Adams limps to his feet, still feeling the effects of this match mostly in his legs and then does the unthinkable by extending his palm out towards the challenger.

Mark: We’ve seen these two have a lot of problems over the past few months, but it seems to me that this match has really turned the leaf sort of speak when it comes to Jackson Adams.

The crowd is amazed by Jackson’s showing of sportsmanship here at the conclusion of this bout. Hurse looks up from his knees, still in a lot of pain, staring between the palm and Jackson’s face. Clearly he’s unsure whether he should trust the man who only a few short months ago stabbed him in the back. Before he can even think about reciprocating Jackson’s gesture, a gang of women driven by revenge come barreling through the curtains.

PUPPETEER

Mark: And here come the Brat Pack to ruin this showing of respect.

Daniel: Of course, they ruin anything they touch. Which is why I’ve yet to allow a single one of them around my penis.

Jackson looks up just in time to spot Paris Dannon sliding into the ring and delivering a kick to the back of Hurse’s head. He is taken down before he knows what is happening, but Jackson isn’t about to fall victim to this ambush. He rushes forward and catches Paris with a clothesline that takes her up and over the ropes to the outside.

Comeau: Jackson is continuing to impress me here. Now he’s taking on the entire Brat Pack by himself.

Now it’s Katie Steward who leaps to the apron only to have Jackson charge at her, cocking back his fist and provoking her to leap out of harm’s way. She lands right beside Robin, who isn’t too eager to enter the ring herself. They hesitate at ringside along with Autumn Daniels, a recovering Paris, and Miho Miyazaki. All of them glare vengefully into the ring while Jackson motions for them to come inside. He actually parts the ropes for the Black Widow to enter, but Robin isn’t taking him up on his offer.

Mark: Robin rethinking her strategy. She realizes that getting in the ring with a fired up Jackson Adams probably isn’t in her best interest.

Daniel: Not stepping into the ring at all would be in the best interest of everyone else forced to watch her matches.

Robin continues to scorn Adams with her gaze as Jackson steps back to the center of the ring, still urging the former Submission Champion to lock up with him. Obviously he didn’t get enough retribution for her betrayal at the Overbooked Extravaganza, he still wants another piece.

Sadly he remains parched in his thirst for revenge, thanks mostly in part to the forearm driven between his testicles from behind. The crowd is appalled, mouths dropping at the sight of Billy Mayne kneeling behind Adams and delivering the dreaded blow between the uprights.

Mark: WWWWHAAAT!?!

Daniel: Oh no, your not going to get that horribly convoluted chant started again are you?

Jackson looks just as shocked as every fan in the Manhattan Center, stooping over and cradling his testicles with the palms of his hands. His whole face has gone blood red, his temples pulsating from the pain emanating out of his family jewels. Grins now inhabit the faces of every lady located at ringside.

Comeau: I find myself yet again….speechless. Billy Mayne, the man who sat out here alongside me for years endlessly singing the praises of Jackson Adams, has just stabbed him in the back.

Adams’ knees wobble as he tries to remain upright, his jaw dropping from the sheer agony of the low blow. If he could utter the words “Y tu Brute” to Billy, he certainly would at this point in time. Instead he’s incapable of speech, falling to his knees then to his side.

Mark: Why has Billy Mayne done this? Somebody please explain these actions to me?

Ackart: Well, to lift the words from a popular song, I think he did it all for the nookie.

Billy has rolled to the outside of the ring with hands clasped in a prayer, slowly moving towards Paris, who although being slightly unnerved, reaches out and pats him on his head.

Billy: Did I do good?

Robin: You did just as we asked Billy. You’ve now earned a job as our new assistant.

Mayne: Oooh JOY! Can I start by folding your undies?

He looks between the faces of Paris and Katie, who are immediately shaking their heads “no.”

Mark: Did I just hear that right? Billy double crossed Adams because the Brat Pack offered him a job?

Ackart: I guess they pay a lot more than Jackson ever could. He was probably paying him in out of state checks.

Billy remains at ringside looking positively giddy while Robin leaps to the apron and Katie does the same. Both ladies face each other then sit on the middle rope, lifting up on the top one. They are obviously parting the cables for someone. And they don’t take long to motion for that very somebody.

Comeau: Now who’s coming out here?

Ackart: Your dead yet still boneable grandmother?

Mark: With all the swerves going on around here lately I wouldn’t doubt it.

Robin whistles and then urgently gestures for an unknown party to emerge from the backstage area. Finally, after a prolonged tension, Porno Lad comes shambling through the curtains.

Mark: Oh no, they’re forcing Porno Lad out here? But why?

Ackart: I guess they still have possession of his ditzy yet super hot girlfriend. Boy what I wouldn’t give for five minutes along with Susie in a windowless van with some butter and a Rush tape….

Mark: Spare us the details.

Katie plays the part of an air traffic control, directing Porno Lad towards the ring with her arm gestures. Porno Lad can’t even bring himself to look up as he proceeds down the ramp, walking right past a cackling Billy and Paris. Autumn and Miho watch through expressionless eyes as Porno Lad climbs to the apron and slips through the ropes. He slides in right between Robin and Steward.

Comeau: Why have they brought Porno Lad to the ring, what’s his purpose for being here?

Daniel: Sex?

Mark: Is that all you ever think about?

Daniel: No, I also think about fucking.

Comeau: That’s the same thing.

Daniel: Not on my planet.

Miho and Autumn now slide into the ring behind Porno Lad and promptly put the boots to the down Hurse and Adams. Porno Lad just watches through grief stricken eyes as the assault continues.

Robin: You want Susie back? Well you had better do as you’re told….

Robin shouts her demands into the ring from the comfort of the apron.

Brooks: Take them both out NOW!

Porno Lad spins around, eyeing Brooks and mouthing the words, “are you serious.” She nods to confirm her order and the prankster’s heart breaks, realizing he’s being asked to destroy a man he’s recently forged a friendship with in Hurse. The Master of Control is forced up to his feet by Autumn and Miho at this point, both of his arms trapped in their clutches.

Mark: This is just deplorable. They’re actually forcing Porno Lad to take Hurse out. Their asking him to sell his soul completely.

Daniel: They could be asking for far worse….they could request some head.

Porno Lad sighs and turns back towards the prone Hurse, one half of Rinse & Repeat. It looks as if he’s troubled all the way down to his very soul by the thought of beheading his partner, but alas, love has given him no other option. He lifts his leg and then he stomps it down to the canvas.

Comeau: He’s gonna do it, he’s gonna hit him with the Epic Fail. I don’t think Hurse will be able to look past this.

Hurse is dead to the world but he’s about to be knocked into oblivion by the boot of a man he’s come to trust over the past few weeks. PL’s boot hits the canvas again as he tries to muster the strength to abandon any and all principles he had left. Finally much to the gratification of the Brat Pack he lifts his foot and begins to swing around for the Epic Fail.

Mark: I can’t watch….

The boot sails right past Hurse’s face and connects to Miho’s temple. The crowd reacts like they just watched a midget shot out of a cannon, exploding with cheers.

Ackart: Does Porno Lad need glasses or something?

Mark: Hey, he just, he just kicked Miho!

Miyazaki is down and the looks on the faces of the Brat Pack have been drastically altered. Robin cannot believe what she’s seeing as Porno Lad straightens up his back and turns his vengeful eyes towards her. The gaze prompts both Steward and Brooks to hop from the apron and back away, not stupid enough to enter the ring with such a madman.

Daniel: Guess the Pornster just couldn’t take no mores.

Mark: They crossed the line when Robin tried to get him to dismantle her ex lover. Porno Lad is through selling his soul. I don’t know what will happen to Susie, but Porno Lad has got to do what a man’s got to do.

Porno Lad now turns his attention to Autumn, who is in the process of fleeing the ring and dragging Miho’s lifeless body out along behind her. Finally he goes to check on the condition of Hurse, kneeling down beside his partner and patting him on the shoulder. All the while Jackson employs the turnbuckle to help ascend to his feet, swearing revenge on all the Brat Pack members backing up the ramp.

Comeau: After what went down at the Overbooked Extravaganza, I’m very pleased to see that Porno Lad has taken a stand here…..OH NO!

The lights in the building give out, blanketing the entire Manhattan Center in darkness.

Mark: This can’t be. Don’t tell me that Mr. X is trying to get the drop on Porno Lad again.

Daniel: Alright, I won’t, it’s much easier to just sit here and chime in with the occasional four syllable word anyhow.

The crowd can only imagine what’s happening behind the wall of shadows until finally the lights raise and their treated to a truly unexpected sight. While the individual known as Mr. X is standing in the ring, steel pipe in hand, for once he’s not towering over the bloodied body of a competitor caught off guard. Instead he finds himself standing face to face with Johnny Kingdom.

Mark: WHOA! It’s Mr. X’s turn to be caught with his pants down.

Ackart: That’s not too hard. They just need to take a camera to the Brat Pack’s lockeroom a couple times a night if they want to see that.

Although his face is concealed behind an old Xavier mask, the two small slits allow the viewers to see Mr. X’s eyes expanding. He is absolutely panic stricken, having not expected to find Kingdom waiting for him. The man he was trying to get the drop on is waiting right behind him. Mr. X backs up into the chest of Porno Lad, who then rips the steel pipe right out of his hand.

Mark: Mr. X’s night has just gone from bad to worse.

Mr. X turns around to face Porno Lad who rears back with the pipe, enticing the mysterious competitor to high tail it. He drops to the canvas and quickly rolls under the ropes to the outside before hopping over the barricade. Porno Lad goes chasing right after him, still waving the steel pipe all about in the air in a threatening manner. The fans clear out of the way so as not to get between Porno Lad and the fleeing Mr. X. All the while Kingdom remains in the ring, not giving pursuit.

Comeau: Porno Lad going after Mr. X, I don’t know why Johnny isn’t….

Daniel: Maybe he’s just really lazy.

Mark: I don’t think so. I think Kingdom is playing mind-games with Mr. X right now. However I’m terrified at the thought of where those mind games could be leading.

Johnny just continues to watch with little emotion as the two individuals scurry through the crowd to the backstage area.

ESCORT

Katelyn Parkwood and her fraternal twin sister have clearly let the cat out of the bag. Both ladies appear once again side by side on camera in the midst of an argument with referee Fitzpatrick, who is currently holding the N.H.B Championship over his shoulder. He looks as if he was trying to make a discreet exit from the building, inches removed from the exit/entrance to the Manhattan Center.

Katelyn: No, Fitzpatrick, NO. The last thing you need to concern yourself with is whether Evermore or Too Magnificent put Riggs in the dumpster. Doesn’t matter sugar bottom, don’t matter one lil lick….

Kitty: What my ubber sexy sister is trying to say is that she is still legally the N.H.B Champion.

Fitzpatrick is more confused now than ever, nervously scratching at the back of his neck.

Fitzpatrick: Erm, can you explain your reasoning to me one last time?

Katelyn: WHY!?! Why should she even bother?

Mrs. Parkwood is so insulted she actually spanks Fitzpatrick on the bottom. He yelps and hops in the air a little before Kitty tries to smooth things over.

Kitty: Because I was competing in the match on her behalf. She was never LEGALLY in the ring. So the loss should go on my record and she shouldn’t be penalized by loosing the N.H.B Championship.

After rubbing his rear-end Fitzpatrick offers a response, an intelligent one for once.

Fitzpatrick: Okay, first off, admitting that you broke the rules isn’t helping your case. Secondly, if a champion is unable to compete then they forfeit the title….

Parkwood: But I’m not injured, look at this succulent body, not one scratch or blemish on it.

She runs her hands up and down her body in a provocative fashion.

Fitzpatrick: Well that makes it even worse then, and it actually makes my decision a little easier.

Katelyn now realizes she must resort to desperate measures. She tilts her head and throws back her hair.

Katelyn: Listen Fitzy, is any of this really necessary?

Before Fitzpatrick can mouth a defense his shoulders bear the weight of Katelyn’s arms, her hands interlocking behind the back of his head.

Katelyn: We’re both consenting adults, aren’t we?

He gulps.

Fitzpatrick: Uhhh sure.

Katelyn: So what do you say we stop with all these childish games? How about you and I take a little trip to the janitor’s closest and decide what’s to be done about the N.H.B Title. How does that sound to you sweetness?

Fitzpatrick: Ummmmm.

Katelyn: My sis will even join us.

Fitzpatrick looks at Kitty, who digs her finger into his chest and begins to rotate it around his nipple.

Fitzpatrick: I could get in a lot of trouble for this.

Katelyn: What for? It’s just a little meeting is all. And an important meeting to….

The camera turns away from this scene of seduction to settle on a far different image. The doors leading into and out of the building fly open as Rick-Rohl enters wrapping his wrist in black tape. He bites off the slack while Max Craven stuffs his associate’s street clothes into a gym bag.

Rick-Rohl: I feel kind of bad for going out there and competing, all things considered.

Max: Don’t worry about anything. I’ll make sure that Axl is taken care of, you just concentrate on your match.

He removes a cell-phone from his pocket and urgently dials a number.

Rick-Rohl: I just wish we weren’t so late in getting here. We could’ve prevented all this….

Craven: I told you to stop beating yourself up already. Traffic is traffic. Nothing could have been done. And I’m sure Axl is going to be fine, he’s one tough and twisted son of a bitch. Now just take your mind off of Axl, take it off of James Exeter’s betrayal, off of Hurse and his antics at the strip club, get FOCUSED. Get PASSIONATE damn you.

Rohl nods his head, realizing that Max has a very valid point.

Rick-Rohl: Alright, get to the hospital already and call me when you know anything.

Max: Shall do….

As Max begins to exit he pauses for Orlando Cruze to enter. The crowd is absolutely riveted at the sight of the IWC’s co-president, and the sole source of professionalism remaining in the head office.

Craven: Thanks for sending the ride for us, Cruzey.

Orlando: Hey, it was no problem. Cops around here are pretty susceptible to bribes and autographed 8 by 10 glosses, so it was no trouble getting that police escort.

Max: Yeah, but our bad, I realize it caused you to get here late.

Orlando: Wasn’t your fault. Being tardy tends to happen when someone hacks into your account and cancels your flight reservations. Hmmm, I wonder who could have possibly done that?

Craven: That’s a long list of suspects.

Cruze nods and pats Max on the shoulder as he exits the building. The Icon then nods to Rick-Rohl who is still fastening his wrist tape, having just a few moments to get ready for his match. As he prepares and begins to express gratitude towards Orlando, their focus shifts to the ensuing conversation between the Buehler sisters and Fitzpatrick.

Katelyn: I bet you don’t get very many PERKS with this job do ya?

Kitty: Being a ref must make you soooo lonely.

She blows into his ear and Fitzpatrick begins to tremble in an attempt to compose himself.

Katelyn: You could really use the company, Fitzy. And maybe while we’re keeping you COMPANY, we can help you figure out what should be done with MY title.

It seems that Fitzpatrick is at the point of succumbing to their feminine wilds. However, Orlando isn’t about to watch another IWC referee disgrace himself.

Orlando: I’ll take that.

The N.H.B Championship is ripped out of the referee’s hand and thrown over the Icon’s shoulder. Katelyn and Kitty mirror one another’s reaction.

Katelyn: What are you doing!?!

Kitty: Unhand her title scallywag.

Orlando: I’ll do no such thing. Fitzpatrick, your excused.

The sweaty official fans himself off and rushes away to find a cold shower.

Orlando: I saw what happened in the limo on the way here, and I saw what happened at the Overbooked Extravaganza too. Tonight I’m doing something about this, by giving it to the rightful champion, TOO MAGNIFICENT….

Katelyn: But you can’t, YOU CAN’T!

She stomps her foot and swings her arms frantically through the air, pouting like a teenage girl who didn’t get the new Hanna Montana CD.

Katelyn: That belt is mine, I earned it….

Orlando: The hell you did. Porno Lad was jumped by like thirty people so you could win this thing.

Katelyn: I still pinned him. And I didn’t lose tonight. So if you take my title that’s like you’re raping me. Yeah, yeah, that’s what I’ll do, I’ll claim you RAPED me. Then the stockholders or board of directors or whatever will fire you. No, no, they’ll ARREST you.

Kitty nods in the affirmative, backing up her sister no matter how ridiculous she may sound.

Orlando: Ummm, Katie, dear. Do you honestly think anyone would believe that you turned down sex?

That huge plot hole suddenly dawns on her.

Katelyn: Okay, forget that. Maybe Kitty and I will just take that belt back from you. How about tha….?

Rick-Rohl: Is there a problem here?

Rick-Rohl slips his arm over Orlando’s shoulder and glances between both women. The Buehler’s have suddenly become very tight lipped. They actually back away wearing forced smiles.

Katelyn: No, there’s not a problem at all here.

Kitty: Just a friendly debate is all…hahaha.

Cruze: Actually, there’s NO debate.

The uncomfortable laughter continues as the sisters back away. This marks the first time they’ve ever fled from a half naked man in their entire lives. Orlando looks over his shoulder at Rick, now giving him an appreciative nod.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The Biggest Match….LITERALLY, in WWF History

HEADS UP

Mr. X, in all of his repulsive grandeur, discreetly moves down a corridor. After the earlier debacle where his attack on Porno Lad was thwarted he moves with much more discretion and far more speed, keeping a careful eye out for the vengeful prankster. His feet move at a quick pace but barely make a noise as he lightly jogs towards some unknown destination, perhaps a place where he can disrobe free of peeping eyes.

Unfortunately for Mr. X he never reaches this undisclosed location, because the second he turns his eyes forward he slams face first into a door. He’s on the floor before he even knew what hit him. The steel blue door flung open just in time and it was by no mere coincidence. With his hand on the knob Johnny Kingdom peers his head out from behind the door, an IWC Tag Team Title weighing down his shoulder.

Kingdom: Woops.

Mr. X holds his forehead which has to be throbbing in pain.

Johnny: Fancy meeting you here.

Although very groggy Mr. X knows this voice all too well and knows that he’s in for a world of suffrage. He turns to his elbows and knees beginning to crawl away from Kingdom, who instead of pursuing his prey merely grins.

Kingdom: Wow, are you seriously trying to get away from me?

The grin fades and Kingdom shakes his head in pity.

RICK-ROHL VS. ZERO

Never gonna GIVE YOU UP, never gonna LET YOU DOWN
Never gonna RUN AROUND and DESERT YOU

Never gonna MAKE YOU CRY, never gonna SAY GOODBYE
Never gonna TELL A LIE and HURT YOU

"Never Give You Up" by Rick Astley hits as the freakishly tall and well-defined Rick Rohl gyrates out onto the stage in his tight black trunks and white collar-with-black bowtie, humping the air to the whoops and hollers of the women and the general laughter of the internet savvy.

He swaggers down the ramp with a oddly arrogant smirk on his face (especially considering he's only 2 degrees removed from nude) and climbs up the stairs. He sits on the second rope and extends his leg teasingly before moving it through the rope and climbing into the ring, once again beginning to gyrate and thrust his hips in time to the danceable music assaulting our ears at this very moment, before heading to a corner and removing his bowtie collar, waiting for the bell

Mark: Of course when things finally start to get interesting backstage we have to cut away.

Daniel: Apparently the camera crew is more interested in filming a half naked, oily man gyrating in the ring than Kingdom getting his revenge.

Mark: It truly is an odd world we live in. And talking about odd, nay, FREAKISH. Everyone is still talking about what Rick-Rohl did to BFG at the Overbooked Extravaganza.

Ackart: I wasn’t talking about it.

Comeau: That’s because you have no friends. Anyway, Rick actually hit BFG with a running powerslam and put the hired heavy down for the three count. And with BFG out of the way he had no problem standing up to the Buehler sisters backstage.

Rick continues to strut around the ring, pushing aside his concern over Evermore’s condition at the present point in time. The lights suddenly go out, and the titantron goes static. The voice of a woman, pure and melodious speaks.

'When the hour reaches zero...
It is the very dead of night...
The King is Dead...
The Kingdom is plunged...
Into Anarchy...
All Hail The New King...'

At the last lime a strange logo appears over the static.

Strange electric music starts blasting through arena as the very ramp is lit up with torches held by what appear to be marionettes. Rick watches in confusion before the lights dim into complete darkness once again. When they come back up Zero is crouched behind him wearing a helmet and mask. Rick turns around and acts surprised to spot his opponent already in the ring.

Comeau: This is another man who made quite the splash at the Overbooked Extravaganza. ZERO.

Ackart: Is that his IQ?

Mark: No, whoever this enigma is he’s proven to be very intelligent and cunning. I don’t know how he goes from hacking the IWC feed one week to actually having a job here in the company the next. Let’s just say some major strings were pulled to get Zero on the roster. Let’s see if it was all worth it by seeing what this guy can do.

The helmet is removed, leaving only the mask behind to obscure Zero’s identity. Although there’s a bit of a mismatch between Zero and Rick-Rohl in terms of size that doesn’t stop the masked combatant from asking for a collar elbow lock. Rick overlooks the fans, gauging their reaction, all of them just as aware of his startling strength as he is.

Therefore he has no problem spitting into his palms and moving in for the collar elbow. They lock up and within seconds Zero is on his back, shoved down to the canvas with little effort from the massive Rohl. Rick takes a second to indulge the fans with a hip grinding, grabbing the top rope and spinning his pelvis to the delight of the females. Zero has rolled back to a knee, watching with disgust in his eyes as Rohl carries on.

Comeau: We could have seen that coming from a mile away. Rick-Rohl has shown that he has ungodly strength over the past several months, to which Zero was no match for.

Ackart: Maybe that mask is cutting off the oxygen supply to his brain. What kind of stupid son of a bitch would call for a collar elbow tie with a near seven footer?

Zero stands up and to the shock of the crowd is actually gesturing for ANOTHER collar elbow. Rohl sneers and indulges his opponent’s request. Both men tie up and begin jockeying for positioning before Rick throws Zero down to the canvas yet again.

This time as soon as Zero hits the ring spine first he nips back up to his feet and immediately lunges into a forearm. The blow has Rick staggered, as Zero moves in and delivers a second forearm, followed by a third.

Mark: Zero kind of tricked Rick-Rohl, luring him into a false sense of security.

The forearms have Rick’s brain rattled before he plants his feet and Zero takes him by the wrist. He tries to whip him off across the ring only to have Rohl wedge his feet to the canvas, cementing them to the canvas. With another display of strength he reverses the whip, sending Zero into the cables behind him.

Zero bounces off and comes back in just in time to be caught by the ribs and thrown up high into the air. Rick steps under Zero’s airborne body and then catches him coming down on top of his shoulder. The crowd pops at the sight of Rick going for the very running powerslam that finished BFG off at the last pay-per-view.

Comeau: The running powerslam already about to be delivered. We could see a quick and decisive close to this match.

Zero slips free just before he could be demolished with the move, landing on his feet behind his massive opponent then diving forward into a shoulder block. He clips the crease of Rick’s knee, cutting down the redwood.

Ackart: Some intelligence being shown. I guess this overgrown trick or treater has a little more intelligence than I was giving him credit for.

Zero stands up and holds onto Rick’s ankle, outstretching his leg up high into the air. The prone knee is then assaulted, Zero delivering a stop to the back of it. He then drops elbow first into the side of the kneecap, causing Rick to sit up grimacing from pain. Zero is quick to reach his feet and deliver another elbow drop to the side of the knee, inflicting even greater damage to his opposition’s mobility.

Mark: Zero remorselessly going after that leg. This is some nice old school strategy, and that’s exactly what Zero claims to represent in a way, the old school style of wrestling. Back where there was honor and dignity to the business.

Ackart: Pre-Vince Russo?

Zero continues to show off some old school tricks by performing the rarely seen spinning toe hold. He steps over Rick’s ailing leg and then twists around in a circle, stretching the Achilles tendon as well as many other vital muscles. He makes another spins, further stretching out the muscles in Rick’s leg. Rohl sits up and delivers a clubbing blow over the kidneys of his opponent, taking advantage to the fact that Zero is turned away from him.

The shot is so stiff that it causes him to release the leg and bow his back. Rick sits up behind his masked and wounded opposition, grabbing him by the back of the pants to stabilize him before delivering a headbunt directly to his lower back.

The force force of Rick’s cranium almost snaps Zero’s spine.

Mark: Rick finding a creative way to escape that spinning toe hold. I would use the old “I guess that’s using your head” line but I’m sure I’d be ragged for it endlessly.

Ackart: But of course.

Rick limps to his feet and grabs Zero around the head from behind. He kicks back his skull and delivers a headbunt to the back of the masked star’s cranium. The skull cracking shot has Zero staggered, awkwardly shambling about like he’s had one too many martinis.

Finally he’s swung around and a big bionic elbow drills him to the top of his head. Zero flops to the canvas, rolling around and grabbing at his possibly cracked cranium.

Comeau: Rick-Rohl going old school himself. Dusty Rhodes eat your heart out.

Daniel: By the looks of Dusty, I think he’s already way ahead of you.

With his eyes flickering Zero sits up on the canvas, trying to regain some of his faculties. Rick isn’t about to let him get his head back in the game. He grabs Zero by the throat and pushes him all the way down to the canvas, sprawling him out across it. Rick now steps back and slaps his knee, getting the fans all frisky.

Mark: Rick gonna do some real damage now, especially if he puts all his weight behind this knee drop.

To the excitement of the crowd Rick bounces off of the ropes, builds some momentum then leaps into the air. With his leg folded under him he comes crashing down knee first into nothing but canvas. With mere seconds to spare Zero rolled out of the way, causing Rick to crash into the canvas his knee crunching beneath him.

Ackart: Well, you were right Mark, he did do a lot of damage, to himself.

Rick flops to his back grabbing at his leg while Zero recovers then moves in on the injured limb. He pounces on it like the leg were encroaching on his territory and he was a defensive lion. He begins to stomp at the back of the leg repeatedly while holding onto the ankle. After a couple of good shots he wraps both arms around Rick’s foot and wedges his shoulder to the ankle. He twists it with all his strength, applying almost an inverted ankle lock with Rick laying on his back instead of being turned to his stomach.

Mark: Excellent strategy from Zero, honing in on the injured leg yet again.

Ackart: The guy does show brief spats of intelligence, emphasis on the word BRIEF.

Rick grimaces from the pain coursing through his leg yet is determined not to submit. His free foot is now used to save him. He lifts it into the air and wedges it to Zero’s stomach, putting all his strength behind kicking him off. The kick sends his opponent stumbling backwards into the ropes, bouncing off then coming back towards Rick.

He quickly ducks his head and dives forward, catching Rick-Rohl’s legs and lifting them into the air. He lands on Rick’s chest and raises the legs with a jackknife cover.

Comeau: Very good timing yet again from Zero. This guy has got some veteran instincts which may have just picked him up in the win.

The ref slaps the canvas amongst a mixture of cheers and boos.

1

2

Rick powers his way out of the pinning predicament, actually pressing Zero’s spine off of his chest. The masked enigma lands on his seat beside the gyrating bodyguard then begins rolling towards the ropes. He stands up and quickly springs to the middle rope before flying backwards, going for a moonsault. Rick rolls out of the way and causes Zero to alter his move in mid-flight, instead landing on his feet.

He is still doubled over upon landing when Rick steps in and over his head, grabbing him around the waist.

Mark: Now it was Rick-Rohl who lured his opponent in and he’s caught him in a trap.

Rick hoists Zero up to his shoulder in an awesome bomb position but his knee begins to give out after all the strikes delivered to it. He hobbles on one foot, still trying to perform the move despite his limitation. Unfortunately for him his weakness is exploited, Zero using this time to slip free.

He lands on his feet behind Rick and then begins to move in for the kill only to taste the elbow pad of his opponent. The bodyguard catches him in the mouth with a reverse elbow, a strike so stiff it sends him bumbling backwards into a corner.

The tough Rick slaps some feeling back into his knee, turns towards the prone Zero and comes charging in. He kicks his leg up into the air, going for the big boot only to have Zero avoid it. As a result his foot nails the top turnbuckle pad, putting a whole lot of pressure on his knee. A shockwave of pain goes all the way throughout his leg and causes Rick-Rohl to begin hobbling backwards.

Comeau: Just when it looked like Rick-Rohl was about to get something going he mistakenly hits that turnbuckle and now his leg is in horrible shape.

Rohl stumbles right back into the clutches of Zero. He was waiting anxiously for him, leaping into the air and catching him around the back of the neck as he goes for an inverted bulldog. He pulls Rick-Rohl down viciously into the canvas, the back of his skull thudding against the ring. He sits up looking dazed before excruciating pain begins emanating from his knee.

Zero catches hold of the ankle, lifts his targeted leg into the air then wraps himself around it, applying a grapevine.

Mark: A traditional leg lock. Another hold we haven’t seen in a long time.

Ackart: Yes, it’s almost as ancient as your commentary.

Rick grinds his teeth through the trauma, running his palms down his face as he attempts to overcome this unimaginable pain. Zero has himself all tangled around the knee, really putting some pressure on it until the bones inside threaten to snap.

Comeau: Rick has made some costly errors in this match but I think the biggest error he could make is allowing himself to stay in this hold for too long. This could take a few years off of his career.

Zero sits up, still wrapping his arm around the ankle while his legs are crossed about the knee. The moment the proud, and honorable Zero sits up, Rick does the same then lets his fist set him free. He jabs Zero across the face, right to the bridge of the nose. The punch is so vicious it causes him to relinquish the hold almost immediately.

Mark: What a punch by Rick-Rohl, that jab was a real game changer.

Now that he’s availed himself of his predicament Rick-Rohl begins ascending to his feet. He winces in pain upon standing up and putting pressure on his leg. His knee almost pops and buckles but he pushes through it, eventually reaching an upright base. This is just as Zero exploits the ropes to reach his feet and comes charging in.

He leans forward to go after the leg only to have Rick turn and catch him to the face with a knee strike. The stiff blow results in Zero standing upright dead to the world.

Rick then gets a slight running start, building momentum behind his European Uppercut. The bicep nails Zero to the jaw with such force that it actually picks him up off of his feet.

Comeau: You really beginning to see some power behind these shots of Rick-Rohl as well. These knee strikes, punches and Euro Uppercuts are about twice as damaging as a normal man’s strikes.

Ackart: Nothing is normal about Rick. How many men do you see dance around half naked for money? When their not drunk I mean?

Zero shakes off the many blows to the head, trying to get up while his opponent limps around in circles. Rohl is trying to work out the kinks in his knee, an area that his crafty adversary once again tries to exploit. Zero regains his footing and comes charging in only this time he’s nailed to the ribs with a spear. The force of Rick’s shoulder nailing Zero’s ribs sends the masked competitor almost flipping over backwards.

Mark: Did you just see the force behind that spear!?!

Daniel: That looked fucking painful.

The fans are elated as Rick sits up on the canvas, still gripping at his knee. The pain in his leg keeps him from concentrating on going for the pin. He sluggishly ascends to his feet, not even realizing that victory may just be in the palm of his hand. That’s when his gaze switches from his injured leg to the figure stepping over the barricade. He would have to be quite hard to miss given his sheer gargantuan size.

Daniel: It’s that big fucking guy.

Mark: You’re right, it is BFG. What business does he have out here? I thought his issue with Rick-Rohl was settled at the pay-per-view.

Ackart: You thought wrong, how shocking.

BFG just stands at the ringside area, glaring at Rick-Rohl with fiery intensity. The big man has not forgiven Rick for his win at the Overbooked Extravaganza. The last thing the dancer is looking for is forgiveness. He limps towards the ropes and begins to shout over them at BFG, threatening the metric ton of humanity.

Comeau: This is gonna explode out here again ladies and gentlemen.

Daniel: The atmosphere is highly combustible, mostly because BFG smells like he just ate a whole pan of five alarm chilly. If he cuts wind around any open flame we’re all doomed.

BFG doesn’t budge, he just continues wheezing and glaring at his rival. After Rick makes his case clear he turns back towards the center of the ring only to be caught with a shocking running STO. The STO connects with enough force to the back of his injured knee that Rick is sent crashing to the canvas despite his outweighing his opponent.

Mark: OOOOH, that STO delivered by Zero! I believe that’s called the Chaos Theory.

Ackart: He can call it shit on a stick if he wants, as long as it ends this match.

BFG is amused at this point as he watches Zero hooks Rick’s wide leg, going for the pin. He has no clue that Rick-Rohl was distracted by BFG, leaving him open to this maneuver.

1

2

3

Many fans express their shock at the sight of Zero picking up the pinfall victory over a very game Rick-Rohl. The unknown star has just cemented a legacy in the IWC, one that he hopes to see grow. He sits up on the canvas, but does not celebrate this hard fought victory. Instead he just remains placid and cold, especially as his eyes deviate to BFG. The big man just can’t help rubbing it in, stepping through the ropes to give Rick an ear full.

Comeau: Zero victorious in his debut match. He and Rick-Rohl really put one another through a physical ringer here but in the end BFG’s distraction helped to seal Rick’s fate.

BFG’s grin is huge at this point, laughing so hard it hurts. Clearly the fix was in for Rick tonight and BFG is extremely grateful he had a hand in it. His devious eyes turn towards Zero, who stands with both fists wedged to his hips. His rather emotionless eyes are settled on the hired goon who audaciously extends a hand.

BFG keeps thrusting out his palm, looking for some type of recognition for his assist.

Mark: Ummm, BFG, Zero never asked for your help. And you kind of just ruined his whole point about doing things fair and straight up.

Daniel: Oh well, fair is boring and overrated anyway.

The chuckling goliath continues to extend his palm before Zero takes it then rushes forward and performs the outer leg sweep. BFG’s big frame is tripped over and slammed back first into the canvas with the STO.

Comeau: Now he turned his attention to BFG and put him down too!

Ackart: Thank God, now all he has to do is euphonize the rest of the roster and we can all sleep easy again.

Zero continues to kneel at the side of the wounded interloper. BFG reaches painfully for the back of his head and neck, laying right beside Rick-Rohl, who slowly pulls himself towards the ropes. The moment that Zero rises to his feet the arena lights fall into total darkness.

Mark: Ooooh wonderful. I thought Johnny had Mr. X taken care o…..

Before Mark could finish his statement the lights come back on and it is shown that the outage was not the result of a Mr. X attack. Instead Zero seems to have been the culprit. He is now gone from the ring and ringside area, leaving BFG laying behind with a giant red “Z” painted across his chest.

Mark: Zero has just left his mark on BFG.

The crowd is going absolutely crazy at the sight of BFG’s misfortune, pleased to see him get his comeuppance. He lays motionless on the canvas, body stained by the scarlet letter. Despite his loss Rick-Rohl actually has cause to chuckle as he stands with the aid of the ropes and glares down at his injured rival.

Mark: Zero with an impressive win here tonight, followed by the leaving of his mark.

AN UNEXPECTED GUEST

A Prius is seen pulling into the enclosed parking facility, but the tinted windows make it impossible to see who’s driving. The idle chatter of Mark Comeau and Daniel Ackart waxing philosophical in the background.

Comeau: Is everyone going to arrive to the building late tonight? Who is this getting here now?

Daniel: And who drives a fucking Prius to a wrestling event? I mean, seriously.

The Prius comes to a stop and the driver side door pops open. A foot hits the pavement, the camera out of position to see who it belongs to. Another foot follows as the figure exits the vehicle and belongs stepping towards the entrance to the Manhattan Center. The camera remains positioned on his sneakers all the while.

Mark: Who is this entering the building?

The door closes behind his back, his face remaining entirely obscured.

SLINKY

A steel slinky transfers from one palm to the other, making quite the annoyingly repetitive tune in the process. The camera slowly pulls away from the slinky to the man holding it, a fresh face to the IWC landscape. With a grin this unknown newcomer continues to enjoy his flashy toy. Michelle Blacker on the other hand finds it’s repetitious tone truly grating on her nerves.

Michelle: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m…..

The slinky grows louder.

Michelle:….STANDING….back here…..

It gets even louder.

Blacker:….with….the new….

Michelle can barely hear herself talking at this point, her skin crawling.

Michelle: WOULD YOU STOP THAT!?!

The shrill scream causes the grin on the young man’s face to become even wider. He holds the slinky out and just drops it at Michelle’s feet.

Michelle: Thank you.

She kicks it away.

Michelle: Like I was saying, I’m standing here with…..

A yo-yo that makes an extremely loud cow moo sound effect every time it drops now dangles from the youngster’s hand. Michelle quivers. Although she gets off on torture, even this is too painful for her to handle.

Michelle: I’m standing here with IWC’s newest acquisition….

Another repetitive “mooooo.”

Before she can go on Blacker removes a pear of scissors from her pocket and slyly extends them, cutting the string the yo-yo is attached to.

Michelle: I’m here with Fox Arcane, the newest member of the IWC roster. Is there anything that you would….

This time it’s a kazoo that cuts her off. Fox has it pressed between his lips, beginning to blow into it.

Michelle: Is there….

He blows into it again.

Blacker:….anything….

He creates an even louder tune.

Michelle:….you would….

It’s obvious now that he’s waiting for her to open her mouth before he plays the kazoo. He anticipates her eyer word so that he can cut her off.

Blacker: Why do you walk around with this shit in your pockets?

Robin: You think that’s odd….?

A furious Brooks and Steward storm into the interview area and commandeer the microphone. Michelle doesn’t put up a fight, actually relieved that she was spared from interviewing Arcane any further. The Black Widow glares furiously into the camera, all the while wincing in pain and grabbing at her stomach.

Brooks: No, I’ll tell everyone what’s odd? Porno Lad…..

Katie: I think everyone already knew he was funny. You know, Michael Jackson funny.

Robin: I’m not talking about Porno Lad in and of himself, I’m talking about his stupid, self serving actions. Although he swore up and down that he wasn’t shallow, that he actually has layers and cares about someone, what does he go and do tonight, he contradicts himself completely…..

As she goes on talking a paper airplane flies behind her head and gets trapped in Katie’s hair. Steward doesn’t even realize it given the thickness and volume of her frizzy locks.

Brooks: He showed everyone that he’s only out for himself, that he doesn’t care about anybody. He probably doesn’t even care what we’re about to do to Susie Moore. And don’t go hating on us for what happens to her, or to Porno Lad tonight, his egotism brought this down upon him. We never wanted this, it was allll Porno Lad’s doing. So if you want someone to blame, BLAME HIM.

A rubber band gets caught in Katie’s hair now, flicked from Arcane. Robin spotted it soaring by, prompting her to alert Steward by removing the paper airplane. Steward takes it from her partner’s hand, balls it up and pelts it to the floor. She and Katie then turn towards the smiling Arcane, who is whistling a tune and tapping his foot, acting completely innocent. Although Brooks and Steward would normally tear a man apart for far less they actually seem to hesitate when it comes to Arcane. All they do is beam an intimidating stare in his direction before finally walking off. Arcane watches them pass by with a grin on his face .

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Matt Morgan and his Wonderful Bubba Ray Impersonation

THE TWILIGHT ZONE

The second the show returns live an explosion of pyrotechnics rocks the stage and the Cartel-tron. Everything is highlighted in a blast of flashy colors, including the man seated center of the ring.

Christian: It’s that time of the month again, no, not when your vags start bleeding and your mood swings kick in, I’m talking about the only mood changer that counts, the Twilight Zone!

From his stool Savior extends his arms out to his sides, resulting in yet another explosion of pyros this time from the turnbuckles. The flashing lights shine off of the Cartel Championship draped over the shoulder of the Rising Phoenix.

Savior: Alright, hyperbolic introductions aside, let’s get straight down to business. Let’s cut the fat and the chit chat. Let’s skip to the point shall we? How about we bring out my FIRST guest for the evening NOW!

His finger gestures to the ring and the crowd actually finds themselves anticipating his next words. They know who Christian has FORCED to star in the return of his precious, ego stroking Twilight Zone segment.

Christian: You people know him, hell, even the malnourished masses of Ethiopia know him. I’m talking about a man who put all the naysayers, bitchers, whiners, smarks, to rest. A man who put on a performance so inspiring at the Overbooked Extravaganza they’ll probably make a movie about it starring Sean Austin. Let’s just hope it’s better than Encino Man This is a competitor….no…no…a HERO who stepped up to LEGENDARY status at the pay-per-view. He had the best performance of any grappler in that bout. His accomplishments at the Overbooked Extravaganza will be heralded for years, DECADES, CENTURIES to come. Simply put, he had a career defining outing in that Tag Team Gauntlet, and outshined absolutely everyone else in that match. So ladies and gentlemen, he’s earned it, put yours hands together, chant his name, stand and scream till you can’t scream anymore for my first guest, YOUR CHAMPION….

Savior stands and gestures to the entry way, the fans growing very excited.

Savior: …..Me.

His gesture now leads to his chest, fingering digging into his pecs. The crowd harasses Savior and his borderline manic egotism. Their reaction only widens the arrogant grin on his face as he postures with the title a little more blatantly.

Savior: Oh….you were expecting someone else maybe? Well, I figured inviting anyone else onto tonight’s show would be a let-down. After all, nobody, not any person in that lockeroom, accomplished more than me at the Overbooked Extravaganza. Think about it, I won three, THREE championships in the course of that match-up, the X-Class Title, the Tag Team Titles, and this pretty little chuck of gold sitting over my shoulder…..

Daniel: How fucking delusional.

Mark: I think Savior is forgetting that Porno Lad was actually the one who pinned Psycho for that title.

Christian: And who did I defeat at the pay-per-view for the X-Class Title? The current World Heavyweight Champion himself. But my accomplishments don’t end there, no, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I also made good on my claims that I would be the man who ended Johnny Kingdom’s World Title reign. Don’t mistake or cloud the facts people, if it weren’t for me, Simon wouldn’t be holding that title. Hell, if it weren’t for me there wouldn’t even be a World Heavyweight Title....

The audacity has the crowd about to explode with anger.

Savior: And I haven’t even gotten to Dan Douglas’ bombshell announcement yet. The announcement that gives me the power to act with absolute impunity.

Simply repeating it brings Christian such great, inner joy. The type of joy only a child fills when opening a Christmas present.

Christian: You’re not only looking at the Cartel Champion, but your looking at Dan Douglas’ personal liaison. That means as long as he’s away, I’M in charge of this place. When I say jump, you ask how high, and when I order you to take part in my show, you come to this ring and you do as your damn well told.

He perks up in his tool, dropping his melodramatic tone and lightening up as his eyes turn to the stage.

Savior: That brings me to you Simon Cagero. I’m inviting, nay ORDERING you to come to this ring so that you could have the proper medium to thank me. You could get down on your knees if you like, that doesn’t matter, as long as you convey your gratitude for my actions at the Overbooked Extravaganza. And by all means, if you would like to offer me a shot at the World Heavyweight Title that I all but handed you, then I don’t have any…..

The stage is suddenly rocked with explosions, shaking the Manhattan Center. Christian’s face goes pale, not liking his pyrotechnics show to be overshadowed. Unfortunately there’s nothing he can do about it, nor can he stop who steps through these shooting flames. The crowd almost faints at the sight of JON RICH.

Mark: He’s here, Jon Rich is BACK!

Ackart: Yaaaay. Was that forced enough?

Comeau: Come on Daniel, there’s plenty to mark out about here, I mean this is Jon Rich. I had heard he was recently signed to a brand new contract, but actually getting visual confirmation of this is simply amazing.

Jon proceeds towards the ring as his entrance music ushers him forth. The female fans are screaming, desperately reaching over the barricade just to feel the air coming off of Jon’s body as he passes. Rich cares not for the swooning lasses, only having eyes for Savior, in the non-homoerotic sense. Jon slaps a few outstretched hands, the crowd relishing at the sight of the returning star who has been gone for far too long.

Mark: And Jon Rich, on his first night back with the company not only has the audacity to cut Christian off in mid-sentence, but now he’s crashing the Twilight Zone.

Ackart: I wouldn’t even bother showing up at the Twilight Zone if I was invited, so I’d never have the initiative to crash it.

Christian’s face is pale white, his temples throbbing at such a surprising interruption. The last person he expected to see stands before him in the ring, the very man he debilitated over a year ago. But there Jon stands in the very ring where he was injured, lurking before Savior with microphone in hand flesh and blood.

Jon Rich: Did all these Manhattanites actually miss me?

The mic is extended towards the crowd, the fans exploding into cheers.

Jon: Sure sounds like it. And before I get down to business….

He utters Savior’s words while tilting his head towards Christian, emphasizing his statement.

Jon:….I just want to say that I’ve missed each and everyone of you as well.

He moves in a circle, pointing out over the crowd who’s blood is now pumping.

Rich: And most importantly, I missed competing in the center of this very ring.

As his foot stomps to the canvas the fans pop, embracing each and every one of his actions no matter how mundane.

Jon: To stand out here once again in front of the greatest, smartest fans in wrestling is an honor. It’s a privilege. It’s EXHILERATING!

More cheers and more disgust from Savior.

Jon: It’s great to be back in a company that not only puts on the best wrestling show, but REDEFINES wrestling as well. A company that keeps pulling me back in, that keeps ensnaring me in its web. This is a company I spilt blood for time and time again, and I’m more than ready to spill a few drops more. Because Jon Rich is BACK!

Another eruption of cheers from a thoroughly crazed crowd.

Christian: Not for long.

Savior steps straight up into Jon’s face, cutting off his very important speech.

Savior: The way I see it Jon, your return isn’t going to last for very long if you keep meddling in my business.

Rich: Oh, I’m sorry Christian, I hadn’t realized you were still talking. Actually, if I did wait for you to finish I’m sure the clock would strike midnight before I could make my return.

Christian: I’ve earned the right to talk for as long as I want about whatever I want. I could come out here and play the kazoo for two straight hours if I wanted to.

Savior actually has the guts to step up into Jon’s face, yet Rich isn’t about to back down from the man who sidelined him.

Jon: Blowing a kazoo might actually be less compromising than blowing what your use to….

Christian snaps his head back, outraged by such an accusation.

Rich: And how exactly did you EARN anything? Huh, Christian? Your whole career is built on the backs of others. The only times your successful is when the chips are down, when your opponents can’t defend themselves, or when you have someone else to do the brunt of the work for you.

Savior: I’d watch what you say to me, Jon. I think you remember what happened last time we were in the ring.

Jon: Oh, are you referring to when you had an army of guys to watch your back and jump me in mass? Is that what you’re talking about, huh, huh, Christian? Because I don’t see anyone watching your back now, I don’t see anyone there to prop you up. Where are all your friends, Christian, where are they now?

Savior tries not to be effected by such scornful comments.

Rich: And I do remember what you did to me last time. Once again you exploited an injury to get the upper hand and put me out of action. But I’m all healed up now Christian, no injures, nothing for you to take advantage of.

Savior: That’s all well and fine, but you fail to realize that I don’t care. I couldn’t give a monkey’s bare ass about you being healthy. This has no effect on me, why? Because I’m calling the shots, I’m the one booking the matches, and I’m the one signing contracts. I could shove you to the bottom of the card and keep you there for the rest of your miserable career, OR I could simply fire you right now…..

Jon: Nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, Christian….

Jon paces, shaking his finger through the air, which confuses the liaison.

Rich: Don’t get too big for your britches, Son. You can threaten me and my contract all you want, but that’s all you can do. When Orlando rehired me he made sure that my contract was iron clad, that you couldn’t tinker with it in any way. And you should know something about iron-clad contracts, Christian.

Once again Savior finds one of his own cheap tactics coming back to haunt him.

Jon: Also, in the very contract I’m eluding to, another little perk was thrown in by Orlando. I didn’t even have to suggest it. Do you want to know what that perk is, Christian?

Savior: As if I would care.

Rich: Well you probably should.

Jon steps closer and closer to the Rising Phoenix.

Jon: Because it guarantees me a one on one match with you, right here, RIGHT NOW.

Before Christian can refute such a claim a right hand is swung and connects to his jaw. Savior is down like a ton of bricks.

Mark: Did we just hear this right? Jon Rich has got a match with Christian, and it’s right now!?!

Daniel: I guess so. And why are you acting so surprised by mid-show changes? They happen like twelve times throughout the course of a match.

Jon removes his t-shirt and throws it into the crowd, now adorned in no more than gym pants and sneakers, sneakers he puts right to Christian’s chest. Savior rolls frantically to his feet with Rich swooping in behind him. His shirt is grabbed and ripped from his back, revealing his bare flesh which Jon now pummels with clubbing blows.

Comeau: That’s right Jon, get him, LIGHT EM UP!

Ackart: I’d be perfectly fine if he took you literally.

Comeau: I think we’ve already seen enough men get burnt alive tonight.

Christian turns around and puts himself in even worse positioning, exposing his jaw to a stiff right hand. The strike knocks him back a few steps, falling into the turnbuckle where Jon rips his shirt even further to expose his chest. Jon nearly cracks Christian’s sternum with a knife edge blow, then delivers another for good measure, and another just for fun.

Mark: How appropriate that Jon would be using the very arm Christian injured to be hitting these chops.

Savior flies back against the turnbuckle with each chop, his legs sailing upward. Eventually one of the chops connects with enough force to knock his legs completely out from under him. He falls to his seat and a furious Rich storms across the ring, snatching up one of the stools used in the Twilight Zone. With all his strength, using both hands, he pelts the stool directly into Christian’s shoulder, almost shattering the wooden legs.

Ackart: JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!! Sorry, have to do that whenever I see flying chairs during a talk show.

Mark: The very Twilight Zone set being used to brutalize Savior.

Now Rich scoops up the other stool and throws it with equally as devastating force into the Rising Phoenix. Official Wright shows up too late to get control over this action. He hops to the apron and slips through the ropes just as Christian is bailing from the ring. Savior rolls to the apron when Jon reaches through the ropes and grabs two fistfuls of hair.

Thankfully Savior’s razor sharp nails prove their effectiveness. He reaches back, digs his nails into Jon’s eyes and rakes them violently. Rich spins around, palming his scratched up corneas, some of the fight taken from his body.

Mark: Christian doing exactly as Rich accused him of by exploiting yet another opportunity.

Savior has dropped to the mats, shambling towards the barricade. The second he throws his leg over the barrier it becomes obvious to everyone that Savior wants NO part of this match. What he wants and what he quits prove to be two entirely different things. Rich once again thwarts his escape by quickly recovering, dashing to the outside of the ring and blasting Savior to the shoulder blades.

Christian spins around just in time to be cracked to the nose, the temple, the jaw with rapid fire right hands. Jon is showing that there are no lingering effects in his arm, using it to pummel the Rising Phoenix into oblivion. He now drags him back towards the center of the ring and climbs to the apron. Savior is pulled along behind like a helpless puppy on a chain.

Jon holds onto the ripped fabric of Savior’s shirt, using it to tug him up the turnbuckle. Jon leaps over the top rope and begins to climb the opposite side of the corner, forcing Savior along higher and higher, until both men are as high as they can get.

Every seat is empty as the fans watch Jon superplex Christian from the top rope, back into the ring. Both men hit the canvas with a hard thud, their bodies popping up into the air.

Comeau: Jon VIOLENTLY bringing Savior back into the ring, that will teach him to try and escape.

Ackart: Actually it probably won’t considering just how stubborn this motherfucker is.

Both men bow their backs from the canvas while the referee watches on, eyes nervously shifting between both wounded gladiators. Instead of giving the ref some type of actual purpose by going for the pin, Jon snatches hold of Christian’s hair and forces him along to his feet. Obviously he isn’t through causing Christian to suffer. A European Uppercut to the jaw sends Savior spiraling into the ropes, falling against them for support.

Jon comes charging in to follow up only to be drilled under the jaw with a back elbow. The strike sends him twisting towards the center of the ring, trying desperately to maintain his footing. This is just the opportunity that a battered, aching Christian was waiting for. He charges out of the ropes and runs right into a high leaping dropkick. Both boots nail both sides of Savior’s face, rendering him nearly devoid of consciousness.

Mark: I swear to God it looks like Jon hasn’t missed one step in there.

Rich climbs on top of Christian and despite the pleas of the official begins to rifle off with punch after punch to the face.

Mark: Careful you don’t get yourself disqualified Jon.

Ackart: I don’t think he has a problem about it. Actually I think he could give all fuck about the rules.

Finally it takes the intervention of the referee to pull Jon off of the bludgeoned Savior. Once Rich is pried away, Christian makes for the hills yet again. He rolls under the ropes and staggers on wobbly knees towards the ramp. He blows off of the ring with a dismissive wave of his hands that almost causes him to fall over.

Daniel: What a shock, he’s running again.

Christian stumbles towards the back when Jon once again grabs his shoulder and the torn shards of his shirt then spins him around. Savior goes for a sucker punch right hand that is ducked at the last conceivable second. The inertia of the punch sends Christian going into a full spin, turning around to face a boot to the ribs, followed by a front chancery and finally a snap suplex on the steel ramp.

Savior writhes and convulses on the canvas, reaching for his kidneys which may have exploded upon impact.

Mark: Vertical suplex on the RAMP! Jon isn’t out to beat Savior tonight, he wants to put him on the shelf.

Savior is up, albeit in a lot of pain, his back throbbing and sending pulsating shockwaves of anguish throughout his whole body. Jon grabs him by the back of the head, charging his opponent at ring and slamming his face off of the apron. Christian backs up, before having his wrist snatched and being thrown back into the ring.

Christian sits up on the canvas, looking positively loopy after all the blows he’s taken. Jon is following in right behind him, before ricocheting off of the ropes and charging in with a running knee strike. At the last second Christian side steps the inbound knee and gets behind Rich, lunging forward into a lariat to the back of his head.

Comeau: Perfect timing on Savior’s part to incapacitate Jon Rich. I doubt it will keep Jon down for long though considering the anger in this young man. We haven’t seen Jon so intense since his bloody rivalry with Desolation.

Ackart: By bloody, I assume your referring to the fluid coming out of Jon’s vag.

The crowd is groaning, realizing that Savior has just gotten himself on the advantage for the first time in this wild brawl. He ascends slowly to his feet and waits for Jon to do the same. Rich struggles but eventually gets up only to have Savior nail him to the face with a big running back elbow. The blow topples Jon while Christian huffs and wheezes above him.

The Rising Phoenix bends over with palms wedged to his knees, trying desperately to catch his breathe. All the while Jon is trying to stand up in front of him. He begins to reach his feet when Christian charges in, snatches him around the head and delivers a swinging neckbreaker. The force in which Jon’s head hits the canvas causes him to pop right back up to his seat.

Mark: This is exactly what Jon didn’t want. Christian getting on the advantage and prolonging this match. The longer this goes it has to favor Savior, who has spent more time in the ring than Rich over the past year and as thus has better stamina and cardio.

Ackart: I don’t know about that. The guy is coming out of having his ass kicked from pillar to post at the Overbooked Extravaganza. I would think the longer this goes the more it benefits Rich, who is the fresher and the hungrier of the two.

Jon is only seated for a moment before Christian pulls him down to the canvas and wedges a forearm in his face.

1

Rich kicks out of the pinfall attempt but Savior refuses to be deterred. He pulls Jon right back down to his spine and again goes for the cover.

1

2

Jon’s shoulder leaps from the canvas and he rolls to his seat. This prompts Christian to stand before getting a running start and delivering a punt kick directly between the kidneys.

Daniel: I think Jon’s going to be pissing blood for a week.

Comeau: Quite possibly, especially after that vicious kick just delivered from Savior.

Christian takes this precious time while his opponent is down to begin removing what remains of his shirt. He takes it off completely then rolls it up and stretches it out between his palms. The fans jump all over his case as he places the t-shirt across Jon’s throat and wrenches back, choking the life out of his body.

Mark: He’s strangling Rich with his shirt for crying out loud.

Ackart: I didn’t hear you complaining when Jon was throwing stools at Christian. Then again, I can’t imagine anyone would be bothered by Christian getting the shit kicked out of him. It should be like the national past time.

Jon’s face is transforming to a bright red shade as the life is strangled from his body by the villainous Mr. Savior. The official starts a five count but the last thing that bothers Savior is the thought of being disqualified. Once again it behooves the referee to step in and physically separate the opponents. He grabs Christian’s wrist and pulls him back.

The groggy Savior cannot mount much of a defense, not even putting up a gripe to the referee physically touching him. He just casts the official aside and moves towards Rich just in time to walk into a right hand to the ribcage. The blow doubles him over, Rich kneeling before him.

Another right hand now connects to Christian’s mid-section, putting him at a further disadvantage. Rich quickly stands up, grabs Christian around the back of the head and drops into a jawbreaker. Savior’s jaw bounces off of the top of Rich’s head and he goes staggering backwards into the ropes.

Somehow he remains on his feet just long enough to ricochet from the cables and come staggering into a step up enzugari. Jon’s boot catches Christian right across the back of his neck, finally sending the Cartel Champion plummeting face first into the canvas.

Mark: And he is out. Rich has got to be quick to capitalize on this opportunity.

Almost as if Jon overhead when Mark had to say, he steps over Christian’s body, takes a step to blow a snot wad from his nostril down onto his unconscious opponent then approaches the turnbuckle.

Mark: Jon is gonna get high.

Daniel: He is a Shaggy looking motherfucker isn’t he?

Mark: Now that you mention it, he does kind of remind me of Shaggy from Scooby Doo, but by high I didn’t mean he was about to indulge in some mind altering substances.

The Manhattan Center crowd is going absolutely apeshit as Jon reaches the top rope, steadies himself then takes flight. He soars half way across the ring and drops his elbow with picture perfect precision straight into Christian’s sternum.

Savior flops up and down after the landing, convulsing as if he were just hit with electrical paddles.

Comeau: That’s what Jon calls the Sky High Flying Elbow Drop, and he NAILED it on Savior.

Ackart: He may have just busted one of Christian’s implants with that move.

Although Rich could go for the cover, he isn’t about to let Savior off the hook that easily. He stands up, swipes his arms through the air and begins to approach the turnbuckle yet again.

Mark: He’s going for ANOTHER Sky High elbow. Like I said, he’s out to put Christian on the shelf.

Daniel: Hopefully it’s one of those high, dusty shelves with the rat poison and old box of Arm & Hammer covered in cobwebs.

Christian is still down, eyes listlessly staring into the lights high above. He has no idea that these very lights are about to be blocked out by the shape of Jon’s flying body. Rich ascends the turnbuckle, reaching the very top rope with the crowd on it’s feet, supporting his every move, especially if it means ending the career of the Rising Phoenix.

Jon slaps his elbow and prepares for his fateful plunge when low and behold, Alex Ingelson of all people comes slithering into the ring. Christian’s hired official makes sure to stand between Rich on the turnbuckle and Savior prone on the canvas. He swipes his arms through the air and threatens Jon with a whole slew of ramifications if he should take flight.

Comeau: Why in the same hell is Alex Ingelson here? He was not the assigned official for this match. I am really getting sick of him sticking his nose in Christian’s….

Daniel:…vagina, yes, we all know, I find it equally as repulsive.

The referee who has come to Christian’s aid on so many occasions continues to live up to his role as the most biased official in IWC history. Referee Wright isn’t about to stand idly by and let his associate corrupt his profession. He storms towards Ingelson, grabs him by the shirt and spins him around, getting right up into Alex’s face.

Wright: What are you doing here? I’m officiating this match, you have no business out here.

Alex looks as if he’s scrambling for an explanation only to eventually KO Wright with a jab straight to the face. The blow knocks the official out and now Ingelson is turning and motioning for the bell.

Comeau: Ingelson just knocked out Wright with a punch and now he’s calling for the damn bell?

Ackart: He probably wants to get Christian backstage so that he can suckle at his tit.

Jon watches on with dejection from the turnbuckle, eyes wide with anger, face twisted with rage. Alex can feel the eyes plunging into his back like a dagger, prompting him to roll out of the ring and in the process grab Christian’s wrist. Savior is rolled out of the squared circle as well while Jon drops from the turnbuckle, watching them flee through furious eyes.

Mark: Jon Rich came here tonight for revenge and he certainly gave Christian a thrashing. However, Ingelson was there to call off the dog, I guess forfeiting on Christian’s behalf and saving him from any further brutality.

Daniel: I think if Christian were a dog he’d be like a Chihuahua or another completely no threatening breed.

Comeau: Well, I guess this dog rolls with a pack, because Ingelson swooped in to save him from being completely mauled.

The piercing eyes of Rich follow Christian and Ingelson all the way around the ring to the ramp. Instead of giving pursuit he opts to remain in the ring, realizing that Savior is now well aware of his return and his intentions. He briefly checks on the condition of referee Wright then beams his gaze directly to the shaken up face of Christian. He leans on Ingelson, holding his forehead and trying to shake off the cobwebs. He looks like he’s just had a ton of bricks land on his head, leaving him all but dead to the world.

Mark: This is not over. Jon is not going to rest until his hands are around Christian’s throat once again. All Savior and Ingelson have done here tonight is delay the inevitable.

Although he should be enraged by all that has transpired, Jon stands his ground and cracks a smile. The grin is strangely intimidating, especially for Christian, who’s face turns a pale shade of white.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The Greatest Comedic Stand Up Duo Of All Times

ANIMAL INSIDE

Several referees crowd around a man closer to them than their brother. Stuart Wright, a long time member of the officiating staff has been alongside his colleagues during the ups and downs of their lives, so naturally they come calling during his time of need. They have him propped up in a chair at ringside, checking on his condition, one individual holding a bag of ice to his swollen lip.

Mark: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Riot! and if your just joining us you missed a very controversial moment.

The words “Moments Ago” are spelt in bright red lettering in the corner of the screen as brief video plays highlighting the frantic turn of events before the break. We see Jon Rich cold cocking Savior right across the jaw, bringing him down to the canvas. Mark attempts to narrate every twist and turn.

Mark: First Jon Rich makes his shocking return by interrupting the Twilight Zone then he lays out Christian Savior, the man who put him on the shelf with a straight right hand.

Jon is shown throwing stools into a prone Savior, suplexing him off the top rope, suplexing him on the stage and then preparing to deliver a second sky high elbow drop.

Comeau: Rich had things firmly in hand, beating Savior from pillar to post, then THIS happened.

A clip featuring Alex Ingelson shoving his fist down referee Wright’s throat is now shown before cutting to him calling for the bell.

Mark: That ingrate Alex Ingelson shows his face, knocks out Wright and throws out the match, disqualifying Jon Rich in order to save Christian Savior. What we just saw was nothing short of highway robbery.

Ackart: You can tell Alex is both evil, and an idiot. I mean, what kind of grown ass man still dies his hair with peroxide? Next thing you know he’ll be growing a handle bar mustache, dropping legs on people’s faces and raving about taking one’s vitamins.

Mark: I think the current incarnation of Ingelson is already difficult enough to deal with.

We are back live judging the aftermath of Ingelson’s actions, the camera zoomed in on the swelling lip of Wright. No matter how much ice he applies to it, the wound just keeps getting fatter.

Mark: Alex must have really caught Wright with that punch. This can’t be sitting well on the minds of the rest of the officials.

Clearly Fitzpatrick and Princeton are discussing what must be done about the Ingelson problem, how it behooves THEM to take out the rogue member of their officiating staff. In the midst of this discussion, one that is long overdue, lyrics intrude on their thoughts, bring their talk to an abrupt halt. Their eyes snap towards the ramp where Psycho and Riggs are now standing.

Comeau: What brings these two back out here? Haven’t they had enough fun for one night?

Daniel: I think not. A charred roasted Too Magnificent just didn’t hit the spot I guess.

Mark: Speaking of Too Magnificent, we hope to have more information about his condition as soon as it comes in. But Too Magnificent might not be the only person sent to the hospital by these two tonight.

Princeton and Fitzpatrick assist Wright to his feet, trying to get him out of harm’s way but they don’t get far. Riggs grabs Chester by his stripped shirt and throws him aside while Psycho pie faces Fitzpatrick down to his bum. He then reaches out and goozles the throat of a terrified Wright.

Mark: Hey get your hands off of him? What’s the point of this?

Daniel: Maybe the name “Stuart” just sets them off. Could be an obsessive compulsive disorder.

The only thing Psycho is compelled to do is HURT. He chokes the life out of a gagging Wright then rolls him in under the ropes. Psycho slides in after him and Wright is left absolutely defenseless. He scoots across his rear end, holding his palms out, begging off as the monstrous, remorseless sycophant approaches him. Psycho’s head tilts from side to side, as if he’s enjoying the terror in Wright’s face from every angle.

Finally without regard for human lift Psycho reaches out and snatches the official by the throat yet again. He uses his throat to hoist Wright up to his feet and then into the air. He holds him high above his head in a chokeslam position and lets him linger there while Riggs shouts some instructions at the rest of the officiating staff from the apron.

Riggs: Let this be a warning to both of you. If either of you get involved in Psycho’s match tonight then you’ll end up in the same condition as Wright here. Your services aren’t needed!

Upon uttering the last emphatic statement Psycho provides a visual reminder by chokeslamming Wright to the canvas with all the force he can muster. The ring shakes as Wright’s body crashes upon it, bones possibly snapping in all sections of his frame.

Mark: Nooo, that was ridiculous. That was uncalled for. Psycho just chokeslammed Wright in order to send the message to the rest of the referees that they aren’t needed for his match against Simon.

Ackart: I guess they feel they can’t make a point without some display of extreme violence.

Wright lays comatose upon the canvas, his body crushed by the impact with the ring. He doesn’t lay there for long though, Riggs is already leading him to his feet by his hair and shouting some words into his ear.

Riggs: When you reach the hospital, tell Too Magnificent we send our best wishes. Get well soon.

He charges the ref at the ropes and tosses him through, allowing Wright to land at the feet of his friends. Fitzpatrick and Princeton drop down, checking on his condition and urgently calling for medical attention. All the while Psycho is storming across the ring and vehemently demanding the use of a microphone.

Mark: And if this couldn’t get any worse, now Psycho has something he wants to get off his chest.

Ackart: Perhaps it’s his uncomfortable girder belt.

A microphone is raised into the frowning lips and snarling nostrils of the former Cartel Champion.

Psycho: You know what, I think we’ve waited long enough….

The fans are so outraged they don’t even care what Psycho is eluding to, they drown out his words with “you suck” chants. Their reaction doesn’t stop him from carrying on.

Psycho: We’ve been beating around the bush for way too long now, it needs to end. Riggs and I, well, we need and we DESERVE an answer. AWOL!

Attention turns to the entry way and the fans suddenly perk up, realizing they may just get a denouement to the mystery of AWOL’s true allegiances.

Psycho: We’re not biding our time any longer. Riggs and I aren’t going to wait around forever before you come to terms with what you truly are. We’re through waiting, we want, no, we DEMAND that you come out here and confirm our suspicions. Get out here, come to this ring, NOW!

Mark: Is Psycho actually ordering around his former mentor?

Ackart: I don’t think AWOL responds well to orders.

Mark: Otherwise he wouldn’t have been court marshaled.

Riggs nods beside his partner, pleased that they are finally taking a stand and refusing to wait around like loyal stalwarts.

Psycho: You need to come out here AWOL, and you know it. You have to show these fans that there is no such thing as coincidence. You’ve spent too much time being a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s time to shed your wool, step down to this ring and take this hand? It’s time to join the wolf pack, AWOL.

His palm is symbolically outstretched. It has yet to be received with a handshake.

Psycho: Come on AWOL, you need this just as much as Riggs and I do. You need to break the shackles, you need to set yourself free. You’ve been anticipating this opportunity for sooooo long, AWOL, this opportunity to become unrestrained. That’s why you’ve been drawn to us in recent months, that’s why you’ve been helping us around every turn. You want what we have, what we represent. Freedom. So come down and accept it. Embrace your true self by entering this ring and shaking my hand. Establish the alliance for all these drones to se…..

“YOU BETTA GO AWAY”

The reaction from the crowd would be loud enough to make Helen Keller jump out of her Sunday dress. There are no mushroom cloud pyrotechnics erupting from the stage as AWOL opts for a far more somber and down to earth entrance. He steps through the curtains and slowly proceeds towards the ring.

Comeau: AWOL is actually coming to the ring. But is he here to dispel rumors or embrace them?

Daniel: Hopefully he does the smart thing and kills both of these fuckers.

Riggs and Psycho are equally as excited by the presence of AWOL, who they believe to be coming to the ring to confirm their insinuations. The Big Crazy Bastard steps around the referees who are still attending to their fallen comrade. He leaps to the apron, resting on his knees and staring through the ropes with an apathetic expression. Finally he slips into the ring as Riggs bestows a microphone unto him. AWOL hesitates to take the mic from the Painted Warrior.

Psycho: We knew you couldn’t resist, AWOL.

AWOL: Oh?

Psycho: The two of us know all too well that you like to make a spectacle. That’s why we’re doing this right here, right now in the center of the ring. Sure, we could form a pact backstage, but I’m sure you’d much rather have a national platform to show these fans that the REAL monster is home and he’s joined his brood.

His palm outstretches towards AWOL, but the Big Crazy Bastard doesn’t take it. His eyes burn a hole through the hand, Psycho growing tense the longer he’s left hanging. Instead of shaking the hand AWOL lifts the mic to his lips and provides an answer vocally.

AWOL: I don’t remember you being so insightful, Psycho, so David Koresh-esque. You come out here spouting off like some ritualistic cult member, claiming to know what makes me tick, what I need out of life, and insinuating that you can provide it….

Psycho: That’s because we can.

AWOL: And you go a step further by implying that I WANT, no NEED to stand alongside you. I don’t remember it working out well the last time we did that. You spend all this time talking about how I’ve helped you again, and again, as if that proves I secretly want what you guys have to offer….

Psycho: That’s because you do.

AWOL: Psycho, Riggs, boys, this isn’t a Dan Brown novel. There’s no elaborate conspiracy, and for once there’s no underlying method to my madness. If you two stood to inherit a few times from my actions, then that’s simply by way of coincidence. I’ve never went out of my way to assist either of you. You’ve just been fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time.

The Sadistic One is having a particularly hard time swallowing this. He cups his hand over his mouth and shakes his head.

Psycho: Stop it AWOL, just stop it.

AWOL’s lips stop flapping and he tilts his head, trying to determine what his former pupil is getting at.

Psycho: Stop LYING to us, stop LYING to these sheep, and stop LYING to yourself.

Such an insinuation would normally be grounds for AWOL putting his fist through Psycho’s skull, but for some inexplicable reason he opts to listen. The microphone is handed off to Riggs, who finishes his partner’s statement.

Riggs: You need to face up to the truth, AWOL. You know in the pit of your stomach that you need to be with us.

The thought makes AWOL chuckle.

Riggs: Why? Because nobody else on this planet will EVER understand you. They’ll never accept the real you.

The laughter stops, Riggs having touched upon a nerve.

Riggs: Yeah, you know it’s true, AWOL. Although you’ve spent so much time running from it, you can still recognize the truth. These people….

He gestures to the booing crowd.

Riggs:…and the Empire, they’ll never truly embrace you, AWOL. Sure, they may accept you now, but that’s only because they’ve never seen the REAL you. The part of yourself that you’ve buried so deep down inside, the part of you that is just yearning to get out. How long do you think you can keep that side of yourself at bay, AWOL? Your little therapy sessions can only suppress your urges for so long. Sooner or later the monster has to come out and play. And when it does, they’ll turn on you, EVERYONE will turn their backs on you. But not us, no. We’ll never try to make you into something your not. We’ll never repackage you so that you’re more acceptable to mainstream society. A society you have no place in. No, your only place in this world, is at our side, AWOL. Because unlike Johnny Kingdom, unlike Hurse, unlike your “therapist” we would never try to restrain the beast within.

Psycho takes back control of the microphone and takes over.

Psycho: This is your one chance AWOL, your only chance to be amongst like minded people. Riggs and I understand urges, we know what it’s like to try and live in a world that shuns such urges, that considers them taboo. But when you’re alongside us, you’ll never have to worry about taboos, about fitting in. The same sadistic, disturbing thoughts that go through your head, also go through ours.

Psycho taps his temple and steps towards the Big Crazy Bastard, who has lowered his head, staring down at his feet in quiet contemplation.

Psycho: We’re offering you what nobody else ever has, AWOL, what you’ve been looking for your entire life. A place where you can be yourself, and that place is with us, NOT with the Empire.

AWOL continues to stew in thought.

Psycho: You don’t have to forgo human interactions, although Riggs and I have never been all that human. You get the point I’m sure. We’ll always have your back, we’ll always be there when you need us. Unlike Johnny Kingdom and Hurse who will walk away when they see your true malevolence, and try to change you, we’ll never leave your side, we’ll always support every action no matter how grotesque, no matter how depraved. You don’t have to run from yourself anymo….

AWOL: Save your breath.

There is a certain sting to his comment, one that is felt by both Riggs and Psycho.

AWOL: You don’t know who I am. You don’t know what I need. And you most certainly do not speak for me.

Psycho: I know it’s tough coming to terms with what you really are, AWOL, but I suggest you take the tone out of you…..

AWOL: Or what?

The bluff has been called.

AWOL: Precisely. Your fixation with me has become delusional. Just because the two of you aren’t well adjusted adults, doesn’t mean you’ve found a kindred spirit in me. And while you guys are content with being the same one dimensional lunatics you’ve always been, I actually have an interest in self improvement. I want to grow, I want to expand, I want to know what drives my actions. You two don’t have the answers I’m searching for, and all you would be are burdens to my quest for self actualization. So I would suggest that you step aside and stay out of my business. I’ve never needed, nor will I ever need, either of you.

He turns to leave the ring, having one leg through the ropes before Psycho offers a parting comment.

Psycho: Go ahead AWOL, keep on repressing. But sooner or later it’s going to get out, and when it does someone close to you will suffer. Then we’ll see you come to us, AWOL, we’ll see you truly accept your place.

Instead of being threatened or having an epiphany, AWOL begins to laugh. He cuts forth with a deep, rumbling laughter that shakes his whole body.

AWOL: Go ahead Dr. Phil, keep at it, but if you truly know me, then you would realize that I don’t have very much will power when it comes to taming this monster you speak of.

Psycho and Riggs can read between the lines, so they opt to bite their tongue presently. AWOL then drops to the mats and continues chuckling all the way up the ramp. A grin doesn’t crack the faces of Riggs or Psycho, both men watching with insightful eyes as AWOL moves through the curtains.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Poor Adrian

PAT EVANS VS. PORNO LAD

"Who's your favoritte Wrestler?" Chimes the Voice of Porno Lad

"MMmmm.... Porno Lad" Chimes the sexy voice of a young female.

Heavy notes of the guitar rip through the arena as Porno Lad's Entrance music "Epic Fail" Hits. Porno Lad steps out from the curtain wearing his epic bright blue leather jacket, a pair of black and bright blue customized chaps that have Porno Lad written down the side of both legs and the IWC Submission title around his waist. He thrusts his hips to the music as he struts. He looks up to the audience high above the roster pointing at a hot babe in attendance. The Big Screen shows clips of Porno Lad nailing the Epic Fail on the likes of Hurse, Jackson Adams and Christian Savior.

"You know he's hot you know your not.
You feel the jealousy creep up and down your spine
Your just an Epic Fail.
Your Such an Epic fail
The girls they love it when they see his moves

Porno lad does a spin in the center of the entrance way pointing out to the audience.

"You want to be him
Your Mom wants him
And he'd do her to
if she was hot
if she was hot
he'd do your sister to
if she was hot
His name is Porno Lad
Porno Lad"

PL makes his way down the aisle holding his hand out for the fans to slap his palm.

He gets the girls
He gets the belts
He's the next big thing
And your not
Because your an Epic fail
oh yea
Your an Epic fail

You may think your good
but your an Epic fail
such an Epic fail
Greatness is his destiny
Yours is to be a
Epic Fail
Such an Epic fail.

Porno Lad now slides into the ring, looking all business tonight. There’s no more posturing, no more goofy antics, just a centered prankster ready for a fight.

Daniel: Man that song gets worse every time that I hear it.

Mark: I think it’s actually kind of catchy.

Ackart: Well obviously you have no fucking taste.

Mark: Music aside, Porno Lad has already had a BIG night. He took a stand against the Brat Pack who were trying to subvert his independent spirit. He showed that they could no longer use Susie Moore to influence his decisions. I don’t know exactly what that means for Susie, but I think what Porno Lad has done is call their bluff. And now he’s bringing the weight of the world down on their heads.

“Outsider” the moment these lyrics hit the PA system the fans go nuts. They rise simultaneously and cheer for Pat Evans as he steps through the curtains. A slight scar can be seen over his eye from the attack at the Overbooked Extravaganza, but otherwise he’s in fine shape. He starts towards the ring, spending no time to jaw jack and gesture to the fans. Much like his opponent he’s completely centered and focused on this match.

Comeau: Here’s a man who had a very ballsy performance at the Overbooked Extravaganza, when he teamed up alongside Jackson Adams to take down Christian Savior. For a split second he was even the X-Class Champion in that match.

Ackart: Despite what? Being a hundred pounds over the legal weight limit?

Mark: Well, at the very least, even if he didn’t walk away with the X-Class Title, he still pinned Christian and gained some retribution. Judging by this match though, I think his issues with Savior are far from over.

Evans stares across at Porno Lad, the two men making eye contact in preparation for a straight up one on one bout this time. Now that the Brat Pack is a non factor and Mr. X has been taken care of, nothing stands in the way of a classic one on one confronta…..

Savior: NO! NO! NOOOO!!

The Cartel-Tron has never bore such a detestable image as Christian Savior’s blood red face. Savior is positively hyperventilating as he sits in his office, holding a bag of ice to his forehead and gritting his teeth.

Mark: I take it Christian is a little upset about what happened earlier in the night.

Ackart: Why? He only got his ass handed to him yet again. You would think he’d be use to it.

Christian is positively seething, barely able to keep oxygen in his lungs long enough to speak.

Christian: You two think that you can just subvert my rulings? That you can stand there and piss in the face of authority?

Both Evans and Porno Lad shrug and nod their heads.

Christian: Well you’re wrong, really wrong, so wrong you’re not even in the same hemisphere as right. So you decided you weren’t going to be our human marionette, right Porno Lad?

Again the Prankster nods.

Savior: And Evans, you decided your not going to be my loyal little lap dog anymore, is that correct?

Evans nods as well.

Savior: That’s fine, that’s fine, sure, I’m cool with that, I can understand where you two are coming from. But guess what, that doesn’t mean jack shit when it comes to following my orders. The two of you will NOT disrespect my authority. You will, let me emphasize that, WILL, still compete under Brat Pack rules tonight. And what are Brat Pack rules you may be asking yourselves?

Evans and Porno Lad stop nodding and start shaking their heads, not really caring.

Christian: Simple. Brat Pack rules state that the entire Brat Pack, from Katelyn to Paris, will serve as lumberjacks for this match. That’s right, they’re going to surround the ring and keep you victims….oh, I mean, COMBATANTS, trapped inside. Good luck gentlemen.

The Cartel-Tron cuts to the video introducing the Brat Pack. Leading the way is Robin Brooks with Katie Steward on one side and Katelyn Parkwood on the other. They proceed towards the ring with Kitty Buehler, Autumn Daniels, and Paris Dannon following. Miho Miyazaki trails along as well, while BFG limps out behind them all, still marked with a giant red Z across his stomach.

Mark: The entire Brat Pack and all those in their sphere of influence coming to the ring. This small army is going to surround the squared circle, which is not good when it comes to the competitors inside. Evans and Porno Lad find themselves trapped in a very sticky situation.

Ackart: And for once it’s not Porno Lad’s palm that’s sticky.

Comeau: Christian has definitely stacked the deck. He wants to see both of his enemies taken out tonight.

Porno Lad and Evans turn from side to side, looking to the outside at all the Brat Pack members surrounding them. They realize now that their in a very precarious situation.

Mark: Well, if Christian keeps pitching curveballs at us eventually someone is going to knock it out of the park.

Daniel: Do baseball metaphors get you aroused? You seem to make them a lot.

Comeau: No I don’t.

Daniel: Oh, I guess everything you say kind of sounds identical then.

Obviously neither Porno Lad nor Pat Evans are very receptive to the idea of locking up, especially now that they’re surrounded by a plague of locusts, harbingers of sorrow bent on their annihilation. Katie looks at Porno Lad with such disappointment, as he had such promise in her eyes, now all she sees in him is a victim. Robin pumps her fist at the two in the ring and promises that her knuckles will meet their faces in a matter of moments.

Porno Lad and Evans stop examining their surroundings and then start examining the expressions on one another’s faces. They slowly grin, Evans nodding and Porno Lad doing the same. As soon as their chins lower to their chests both men dive through the ropes, going straight after those designated with the task of keeping them in the ring.

Comeau: YEAH! Neither Porno Lad or Pat Evans going to let themselves fall victim to this bullshit.

Daniel: HEY! I’m the only one allowed to use vulgarities, MISTER.

Forearms are dished out to anything moving around Pat Evans, mostly pertaining to the jaws of Paris Dannon and Autumn Daniels. At the same time Porno Lad is striking anything with shaven legs, including the foreheads of Robin, his ex Katelyn, and her sister Kitty. Katie Steward, BFG and Miho don’t stay out of the fight for long, throwing themselves into the madness and onto Evans and Lad with forearm strikes.

Mark: I respect Evans and Porno Lad going after these lumberjacks, but the numbers are just too much for them.

BFG is right on top of his former employee, bringing him to a knee with a blubbery yet stiff forearm to the back. Pat is overcome eventually thanks to kick to the back of his head delivered by Steward. The shot connects with such force that it doubles Evans over and puts his head right in the arms of both Paris and Autumn. They exchange a glance then drop back into a big vertical suplex. Evans’ spine creams the mats and he sits up crying out in pain.

Comeau: Evans still suffering from the attacks over the past two weeks. He doesn’t look like he’s in good shape at all.

Ackart: Was he ever in good shape to begin with?

It doesn’t take long for the cavalry to show up. Bolting down the ramp is Jackson Adams with Hurse bringing up the rear.

Mark: It’s Adams and Hurse, these two men were jumped by the Brat Pack earlier tonight, but Porno Lad came to his senses and assisted them. I think they’re returning the favor.

Daniel: Must everything you say be so blatantly obvious?

Comeau: Ugh, YES!

Adams is right on Steward, spinning her around delivering a succession of right hands to the jaw. Katie swings both arms in an attempt to remain upright while Jackson decks her jaw over and over again. All the while Hurse is making a straight B-Line towards BFG, clobbering him to the back of the neck then chopping anybody that gets within arm’s length, including his ex-lover Robin and his other ex-lover, Katelyn.

Mark: Chaos once again out here at ringside, it’s been like this all night long ladies and gentlemen.

Ackart: Yes, it seems that everyone is out here to impress me. Which always seems to be the case.

Comeau: Believe it or not, we’re not all driven by the desire to impress you.

Ackart: Sure, keep on telling yourself that.

Hurse rolls Katelyn into the ring and then follows his vindictive former lover into the ring. His quote up quote wife begins begging off, Mrs. Parkwood pleading for some leniency. Mercy isn’t a word in Hurse’s very limited vocabulary. He grabs her by the bangs and forces her head under his seat before lifting his fingers into an H pattern.

Mark: He’s calling for the Sanitizer.

Paris slides into the ring in front of Hurse and comes charging in to derail his plans. However, Hurse ducks his head, catches Paris against his shoulder and back drops her through the air. Dannon catches tremendous height before plummeting spine first into the canvas. She arches her spine and screams in pain while Hurse goes back to trying to hit his finishing move on his prone former beau. That’s when Robin spins him around from behind and catches him around the neck, setting up for the stunner.

Before he could feel the sting of the Spider Bite, Hurse pushes Robin by wedging his hands to her spine. Brooks scrambles forward right into the clutches of Porno Lad. He slipped into the ring just in time to bend forward, catch the inbound Brooks and back drop her over the ropes. Robin is sent sailing over the cables before crashing down into BFG Miho and Kitty at ringside, all four individuals collapse to the mats.

Mark: Robin sent sailing into her own stable-mates.

Ackart: Hmmm, I guess it’s that type of stable-mating that appeals to the fetish communities. I.E, Miho would appeal to the tranny demographic, and BFG, the chubby chaser demographic.

Mark: You know that’s not what I meant.

Ackart: Twisting what other people say to suit what I want to hear is kind of my thing.

The bodies continue to pile up as now Katelyn stands up and goes after Hurse’s exposed backside. The moment she steps forward her arm is snatched hold of and she’s heaved into the Spinal Tap. The crowd reacts like they were just given a dose of Ritalin. Katelyn’s spine arches over Pat’s raised knee and her body now rolls lifelessly across the canvas.

Mark: Now Evans getting in on the madness.

Pat was able to enter the ring thanks to Adams, who has wrangled Katie and Autumn both, hitting the two ladies with a series of rights under their pristine jaw structures. He doesn’t stop throwing wild haymakers until the very man who backstabbed him earlier pops up like a pimple. Billy rushes up behind Jackson with a cane in his hand but stops dead in his tracks when Adams spins around, glaring at him with fiery intensity.

Billy drops the cane and squeals like a little girl before fleeing backstage, Jackson chasing right after him.

Mark: Adams pursuing my former broadcast colleague right to the backstage area. He’s looking for revenge on the man who double crossed him earlier tonight and he might just get it.

Ackart: I think the ultimate form of revenge against Billy would be to steal his autographed 8 by 10 gloss of Bea Arthur. I’m sure he pleasures himself to that image quite often.

Billy’s tiny feet carry him around the ramp before he almost trips over them. He catches himself and keeps on running, Jackson nipping at his heels, fingers grasping at his coattails. Meanwhile the curtains part and give way to even more pandemonium. From the backstage area rolls a banged up Mr. X.

Mark: Why is Mr. X coming back out…..oooooh.

It doesn’t take long for one half of the IWC Tag Team Champions Johnny Kingdom to saunter out after him. Mr. X stands up just in time for Kingdom to pie face the seemingly defenseless vigilante back down to the ramp. Obviously the masked competitor is still suffering from his head on collision with the door, but now far more violent acts await him as he nears the ring.

Mark: With the Brat Pack down and Christian still somewhat incapacitated backstage this is the perfect time for Kingdom to force Mr. X into the ring and get some answers.

As Mr. X is rolled under the ropes Katie leaps to the apron and tries to get inside. Unfortunately for her, Pat is right there to subdue her, charging in and delivering a knee through the ropes to her gut. The blow sends her collapsing to the outside mats.

Comeau: The Brat Pack being subdued.

Daniel: For once not with the use of GHB.

Comeau: There’s nothing standing between Kingdom and his answers.

Mr. X scrambles across the canvas, trying to escape only to have Porno Lad grab hold of an ankle, pulling him back to the center of the ring. The Prankster also seeks retribution against the very individual who tried to screw him out of the Submission Title, a belt he is still co-owner of.

Mark: Porno Lad making sure that Mr. X goes nowhere.

Hurse steps in and grabs one of the masked man’s arms, while Porno Lad grips hold of the other. They ensure that there’s nowhere, NOWHERE to run, nowhere to hide, not this time, not after so many months of waiting. The anticipation builds in the crowd as the man they have to thank for this revelation finally slips into the ring. The Team Leader slowly approaches the struggling Mr. X, somewhat savoring this moment.

His fingers dip under the flaps of Mr. X’s mask and no matter how much head shaking he does he can’t free himself. With the eyes of Hurse, Evans and Porno Lad watching on, as well the millions of peepers in the audience and at home, Kingdom rips the mask away from the face to reveal the true identity of Mr. X.

Comeau: Finally, he’s been…..huh?

The crowd reacts in much the same fashion, scratching their heads at the sight of….Rose Savior? Christian’s wife is almost immediately released by the shocked combatants who subdued her.

Mark: Rose Savior is Mr. X? What the hell?

Ackart: Why is it that all these women around here have such freakishly abnormal strength? Were they all hit with gamma radiation or something?

Comeau: This doesn’t make any sense at all.

Rose curls up into almost a fetal position as Kingdom’s shocked eyes close in upon her. He bends down with a grimace on his face and then grabs her forcefully by the wrist, yanking on her arm.

Kingdom: Why are you wearing this? HUH!?!

The old Xavier mask is flung around in Johnny’s opposite hand.

Johnny: I know you’re not Mr. X, and I know you’re not smart enough to get the drop on me twice. Now give me answers before I lose my patience.

He twists on her arm and causes Rose to yelp before cutting loose with a string of vital details.

Rose: Okay, okay, I’m not Mr. X.

Porno Lad: Tell us something we don’t know.

Rose: Christian told me to wear the mask to get into your head…and, and, and to throw off suspicion.

Johnny: Throw off suspicion from whom? Christian?

Now Rose becomes tight lipped, not wanting to speak up and divulge the cold hard facts. That is until Kingdom twists at her wrist and entices her to be a bit more forthcoming.

Rose: Your hurting me.

Kingdom: You think this hurts, just wait until I really get aggravated.

Hurse: Tell ‘em!

Rose: ALRIGHT….Christian, Robin and one other person know who Mr. X is, but I swear I don’t know who he is, I don’t know!

Johnny: Then I’ll just have to pump your hubby for information then.

Rose suddenly becomes panicked, eyes widening.

Rose: No, no, PLEASE! Like I said, there’s one other person, a person who has a direct line to Mr. X. He’ll tell you everything you want to know, just don’t hurt Christian.

Johnny: It’s too late for that, but tell me who this person is anyway.

The sniveling Rose no longer has the liberty of remaining tight lipped. Rather it be her swelling wrist or the thought of serious bodily harm coming Christian’s way, she’s got to dispense with the facts. Instead of communicating the identity verbally she chooses to do it with her eyes. They slowly twist and settle on the face of Hurse. An audible gasp can be heard from the crowd as well as Porno Lad. Johnny follows Rose’s gaze to the face of his long time on again off again partner and rival.

Mark: Hurse, HURSE!?!

Daniel: Wow, he finally got the drop on someone without having to pretend to retire first.

The second that Kingdom’s accusative eyes settle on him, Hurse is already defending himself.

Hurse: You can’t believe her, can you? I would never….sure, I might have double crossed you in the past….but…..you can’t…..tell me your not buying this.

Evans is already inching his way towards Hurse, who defensively raises his palm and begins to back away. Kingdom releases Rose’s wrist then turns his back, his mind hit with a thousand troubling thoughts all at once. It feels like an anvil has just landed on his skull and compressed him.

Comeau: Hurse vehemently denying these accusations, but if anyone, ANYONE, is a more likely suspect to be involved with Mr. X, it’s him.

Hurse continues to plead ignorance, swiping his arms through the air and pleading with Kingdom to believe him. Johnny turns his back away from his long time associate, running his palm down his face and trying to come to terms. The Master of Control anxiously begins to approach him when Kingdom spins around, causing Hurse to freeze in his tracks. Once again he begs the Team Leader to just hear him out. It’s clear by the look in Johnny’s eyes that he’s not fully convinced of Hurse’s guilt.

That’s when the lights in the building cut out, blanketing EVERYTHING in shadows.

Mark: Here we go again.

Ackart: If you so much as touch me while these lights are out I will scream rape.

Comeau: These lights dimming can only mean one thing.

The ring remains shrouded in darkness while the sounds of a scuffle can be heard, loud thuds audible against the canvas. As the crowd stews in anticipation, many of them screaming for some type of closure, the impenetrable wall of black continues to shroud everything. When the house lights come back up the crowd wishes they had remained dim.

Laying spread across the canvas is Evans, nursing a wound in his forehead and Hurse bludgeoned and bloodied. Standing over both men with a steel pipe in hand is none other than Porno Lad.

Mark: Gasp NO!

Daniel: Fuuuuuck.

A callous, cold grin resides on Porno Lad’s face as he continues to pat the steel pipe against his palm, overlooking the products of his handiwork. On the outside of the ring with a steel chair in hand looms Kingdom, who was smart enough to clear out of the ring in the nick of time. He holds the recovered Brat Pack members at bay with the steel clutched in his palms and his intense gaze. His eyes are now settled with confusion upon the ring.

Comeau: Porno Lad? Porno Lad was in on this all along? Was the abduction of Susie all just a rouse?

Daniel: I don’t know, I don’t get paid enough to find out the answers to these questions.

The steel pipe is tossed over Porno Lad’s shoulder to the outside of the ring as he now stands over the duo of talents and cracks his knuckles. That’s when he throws himself on top of Evans and hooks a leg for the pinfall. The crowd finds themselves so shocked that it doesn’t even register in their heads what is happening. Kingdom is in much the same state of outright confusion, paralyzed by his perplexity. From the backstage area rushes Alex Ingelson with Christian Savior right behind him.

Mark: I’m just not, I don’t know how to, what have we just seen….?

At the behest of Christian, Ingelson slides under the ropes and slaps the canvas, making the obligatory three count.

1

2

3!

The fans have no reaction to the pinfall, still far too stunned by what just occurred. With jaws dropped and eyes wide they watch as Porno Lad rises to his feet, basking in the joy of his elaborate set up.

Comeau: Porno Lad has just double crossed, EVERYONE.

Daniel: No, what I think he’s done is play the ultimate prank.

The Brat Pack members are coming to at ringside, dragging themselves to their feet with the aid of the aprons. As soon as they plant their feet beneath them wide grins form across their faces, each lady overjoyed by Porno Lad’s revelation. Although it may have come a bit earlier than the prankster would have liked, his plot still worked out swimmingly.

Christian slips into the ring with the Cartel Title belt over his shoulder and tentatively approaches the celebrating Porno Lad. Once Savior gets within arm’s length of the prankster, the co-Submission Champion spins around and instead of throwing a fist extends a palm. The chuckling Porno Lad and Savior embrace, shaking hands before Christian pulls him into a light hug.

Mark: He’s even aligned himself with Savior!?! What….how…..why?

Porno Lad now spins around and catches a glimpse of Robin slipping into the squared circle. The smirk on the Black Widow’s face couldn’t be removed with a pick axe. She quickly moves in and hugs Porno Lad as well while the rest of the Brat Pack members, Katelyn Parkwood included, begin patting him on his back and shoulders.

Mark: This is almost too confusing to be true. Porno Lad was secretly aligned with Christian and Robin all along?

Daniel: This would certainly explain why they used the Susie abduction as a smokescreen at the Overbooked Extravaganza, and why Porno Lad allowed himself to be pinned for the N.H.B title at Upping the Ante.

Porno Lad rubs Katie Steward on the top of her head, messing her hair then pulls Paris into a kiss on the cheek. Katelyn has dropped to her knees behind Porno Lad all the while, wrapping her arms around his waist and squeezing tightly.

Johnny has dropped the chair at this point and just stares into the ring with conflicted eyes. When he looks into the squared circle he becomes positively rabid at the sight of the Rising Phoenix, the Black Widow, the Original Prankster, the Hollywood Whore, the Goddess of Desire, Kitty, the rest of the Brat Pack, Miho, BFG, and Alex Ingelson all celebrating.

Mark: This plan, this HOAX, had to be in the works for months.

Daniel: And here I thought Porno Lad didn’t have the attention span to put something like this together.

A microphone finally finds its way into the ring, which is engulfed with an army of partying competitors. Each and every person in the ring relishes in this plot, a plot that took almost six months to properly pull off. Now they relish at the sound of Porno Lad’s voice, who draws the mic to his smiling lips.

Porno Lad: Look at the expressions on all your faces. It’s priceless, absolutely priceless.

The fans finally snap out of their shocked, subdued states and begin heckling a man they were just rooting for moments earlier.

Porno Lad: God there’s nothing more gratifying than pulling the wool over your eyes. But I’m not the only one who had you people….

His finger purposely settles on Johnny’s face.

Porno Lad:….fooled. I have to extend credit where credit is due. Which is why I would like to thank every member of our little In Crowd standing alongside me now.

The heckles grow even louder as Christian raises his Cartel Title high above his head, Brooks kicks her fist up into the air and Katelyn squeezes on Porno Lad’s waist a little tighter. Katie takes a moment to blow a kiss to the outraged crowd.

Porno Lad: And with that I guess there’s only one more thing for me to say……GOTCHA!

The closing remark elicits a rabid reaction from the very hostile crowd. Although Johnny would like nothing more than to dive into the ring and destroy every person amassed within, from Ingelson to Autumn Daniels, from BFG to Porno Lad, he’s wise enough not to wage a one man war against an insurmountable army.

Mark: What a stunning, SHOCKING, turn of developments here on Riot! This can only be described as the unthinkable. And here I thought we couldn’t get a worse assemblage of talent than the Conspiracy.

Daniel: For once I take no pleasure in you being proven wrong.

The confident, cocky grin on Porno Lad’s continues to expand as the show goes to commercial break.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Tony Shiavone the Pedophile

RECAP

A frozen image overtakes the screen featuring Mr. X cornered in the ring, surrounded on all sides by combatants who would be thrilled to disembowel him.

Mark: We’re back on Riot! and just before the commercial break we saw a truly SHOCKING incident unfold.

The images are imbued with life, showing the removal of Mr. X’s mask to reveal Rose Savior’s face. The menacing Johnny Kingdom stoops towards her, microphone raised to his lips.

Comeau: Johnny Kingdom forced Mr. X into the ring and removed his mask to reveal that it was Rose Savior.

Ackart: Again, I just want to say that I think all the women in this company are popping more steroids than Barry Bonds.

Mark: But Rose then insisted she was not actually Mr. X, and claimed that there were three individuals on the roster who knew his true identity….HURSE….being one of them.

Rose’s eyes are shown twisting towards Hurse, who immediately pleads innocence.

Comeau: But it was all just an elaborate hoax, as you’ll see here.

The video cuts to a clip of the house lights dimming then rising with Porno Lad standing over Pat Evans and Hurse with a steel pipe in hand. Kingdom is featured on the outside of the ring, holding the Brat Pack at bay with a steel chair in hand, his eyes enlivened with rage at the sight of this revelation.

Mark: Porno Lad, a man we all thought could be trusted, turned out to be the ultimate evil. He aligned himself with Christian Savior and the Brat Pack. Then he claimed that this was all just a HUGE prank played on Kingdom.

Daniel: It was kind of funny.

A wide angle shot provides the image of Porno Lad, Robin, Christian, a paint smeared BFG, The Goddess of Desire Katie Steward, Katelyn, Kitty, and everyone else who was in on this heinous prank.

WHY?

Michelle: Porno Lad, hey Porno Lad, can we PLEASE get some type of explanation? Stop and chat with me already, I’ll share some of my emo poetry.

The Prankster continues to swagger through the backstage parking lot like he was walking on clouds. Blacker eagerly tries to catch up with him, flailing the mic all about in her hand. All the while two long black limousines are being filled by the Brat Pack, Rising Phoenix alliance, including Robin, who seems to be cradling her stomach in her arms.

Blacker: Do you care to address your fans?

Porno Lad spins around with a huge grin, one so wide it threatens to severe his face in half.

Porno Lad: Oh gee, lemme think, NOPE.

The blunt comment doesn’t effect Michelle, who is just one of many individuals on the IWC roster detached from their emotions.

Michelle: At the very least can you dispel the rumors that you are indeed Mr. X?

Again Porno Lad chuckles, now having one leg inside of the overcrowded limo, only hesitating to laugh at Michelle’s audacity.

Porno Lad: Oh, I can do far, far less than that, Michelle.

He twirls a lock of her hair around his finger and again proceeds to enter the limo to make a hasty get away.

Michelle: But didn’t Mr. X lay you out weeks ago.

It’s at this point that Porno Lad actually slaps his knee from the hilarity of her questions.

Porno Lad: Hahahaha, are you really that dense?

Michelle doesn’t take kindly to the insinuation but does enjoy being degraded vocally almost as much as she does physically.

Porno Lad: I’ll do anything to pull off the prank of the century, Michelle. You think spilling a few drops of my blood would dissuade me from seeing that look on Johnny Kingdom’s face? Of course it wouldn’t. That attack several weeks ago, it was all arranged to do exactly what Rose insinuated…..cast off suspicion. And I think it did a pretty effective job now didn’t it?

Michelle: But, wait, maybe I can get more info from Robin.

She looks towards the limo only to be taken by the shoulder and forced back by the prankster.

Porno Lad: Nyooo. She can’t answer your questions in her current condition.

Blacker: Her current condition?

Porno Lad: If you want to know more about that, you’ll have to talk to my old friend, Hurse.

A truly unsettling smirk forms on his face upon referencing his now FORMER tag team partner.

Michelle:….but….but.

Porno Lad: ENOUGH!

He grabs both of her lips and forces them together.

Porno Lad: You want more info, your going to have to wait till either next week, or when I publish my autobiography, which I’m sure will be a New York Times best seller. Now AMSCRAY!

The limo door slams behind him as the sunroof begins to open and Katelyn pokes her head out. She hoots and hollers as the dueling limos begin to take off out of the building, both of them occupied by the dredges of humanity loosely dubbed the In Crowd.

Mark: Talk about a shocking turn of events here on Riot! Porno Lad’s association with the Brat Pack and Christian Savior catching us completely off guard.

Daniel: Yeah, I for one didn’t think he’d commit career suicide so quickly.

SIMON CAGERO VS. PSYCHO

“Solder Side” plays over the PA system to an overwhelmingly negative reaction. Through the curtains stride the two men who have had quite the infamous evening, in the form of the scarred Psycho and the painted Riggs. The two menacing figures stroll down the ramp towards the battle-field.

Mark: The time has come for what may be the most brutal one on one match in a loooong time here in the IWC. After what Psycho and Riggs have done throughout the night, chokeslamming refs and putting Too Magnificent in a flaming dumpster, I think it’s safe to say that they’ve awoken the monster inside of Simon Cagero.

Ackart: As long as Simon doesn’t start throwing that shitty paint on his face again, I’m cool with it.

No emotion can be seen in the eyes of either Riggs or Psycho, The Sadistic One turning at this point to begin making his way up the stairs. He puts one foot on the top step before spotting something in the crowd. Before he realizes what’s happening, Simon Cagero has sprung to the barricade and is flying off into a Lou Thez Press.

He lands right on Psycho’s chest, knocking him off of the steps into a thud across the mats. Cagero is on top of him, delivering punch after punch to his face.

Mark: Simon just came out of the crowd and has got a sneak attack on Psycho. He’s using some gorilla tactics of his own.

Ackart: That’s right Simon, fuck ‘em up!

Punch after punch drills Psycho to the jaw and the temple, shaking up his brain in the process. Riggs quickly moves in to aid his comrade. He grabs Simon by the shoulder and forces him up to his feet before taking him by the wrist. He attempts to whip him off into the barricade but instead it’s Riggs who is sent for a ride. He bends forward and turns, slamming into the steel plates of the barrier with ungodly force.

Mark: Simon is a one man wrecking crew. The World Heavyweight Champion playing this match by his opponent’s rules. As you can see there is no referee to make the count, there are no count outs, no disqualifications, this is pretty much unsanctioned.

Daniel: Good, then there’s nothing to keep Cagero from killing either of these fuckwads. Go get them Simon, tear ‘em up!

The Champion turns back towards Psycho who is using the apron to get to his feet. The moment he stands he’s grabbed by the back of the head and rolled into the ring under the ropes.

Comeau: This match finally going into the ring but it’s not like it really matters where they fight.

Simon walks along the apron and reaches the turnbuckle, scaling it as quickly as he can. Down below in the ring Psycho is fighting to regain his focus. He slowly stands up just as Simon comes flying off of the turnbuckle and nails him with a crossbody.

Ackart: Now that was beautiful!

Mark: Simon with a breathtaking dive into the crossbody. He’s really revved up for this one, out for some retribution.

Daniel: Revenge is a hell of a motivator.

After nailing the crossbody Cagero goes rolling under the ropes to the outside. He drops to the mats and approaches the ring announcer, insisting she clears out of the way. Kailey is quick to high tail it, leaving her chair for Simon to scoop up into his hands. He slaps the steel with his palm several times then lifts the chair up high for the fans, who go absolutely nuts at the sight of it.

Ackart: Now we’re gonna see Simon go Sammy Sosa on Psycho.

Mark: Oh, so when I make baseball metaphors it’s gay, but when you do it, it’s alright?

Ackart: You can be a hypocrite as long as your cool about it.

Comeau: Since when?

Ackart: About ten seconds ago.

Simon slips into the ring and waits for Psycho to stand up, growing very impatient. The Sadistic Savage has already begun ascending to his feet, getting both of them beneath him when Cagero swings the chair. The steel suddenly becomes snagged on something however before being ripped completely out of his clutches.

He spins around with fiery eyes to glare at Riggs standing on the apron and now holding the chair. In a split second decision Simon leaps into the air, dropkicks the chair and sends it flying back into Riggs’ chest. The blow causes the Painted Warrior to tumble off of the apron to the outside.

Comeau: Simon continuing to hold his own against two opponents in this unsanctioned brawl.

Shortly after dispensing with Riggs, the World Champion rises back to his feet only to be caught under the arm. Psycho charges Cagero across the ring and then throws him with a hip toss straight into the turnbuckle. He smacks the corner viciously spine first, bouncing off then falling to his knees. He looks all confused as he stands up and staggers backwards into the waiting clutches of his rival.

Psycho hooks both arms from behind and then hoists Cagero up into a thunderous full nelson slam.

Mark: Simon could only have eyes in the back of his head for so long. Eventually we all knew this was going to catch up to him.

Daniel: I didn’t, but then again I prefer to live in denial.

Cagero grabs at his kidneys and neck, trying to push through the pain. Psycho isn’t going to make it easy, as he’s already calling for something from his tag team partner. They very chair that was stolen from Simon’s clutches is slid under the ropes at this point. Psycho snatches up the chair then approaches the traumatized Cagero, placing the steel right on top of his face.

Mark: Psycho with some very bad intentions.

Psycho begins ascending the turnbuckle, back turned to the prone Cagero, head still trapped under the chair.

Comeau: No, he isn’t about to. This could end the career of the World Champion.

Ackart: Then who will I have to shamefully plug every twenty seconds in my show?

The crowd gasps as Psycho reaches the top rope and now goes flipping backwards into a MOONSAULT. He flies through the air and eventually crashes down stomach first into the chair. Unfortunately for him, the chair was all he hit. Simon rolled out of the way in the nick of time.

Mark: Cagero preventing the end of his career.

Ackart: Yeah, more shameless plugs!

In the battle of steel versus ribs, steel wins every time. Psycho demonstrates as much as he rolls across the ring gripping at his traumatized mid-section. He slowly rolls towards the very turnbuckle he just flew out. He uses it to reach his feet, trying to stabilize himself as Simon comes barreling in. He leaps high into the air and connects with a flying forearm strike to the Sadistic One’s face.

The blow has Psycho shaken up but not taken down, prompting Cagero to go for another big forearm. He rushes across the ring to bounce off of the ropes and build some momentum when Riggs reaches under the cables and traps his ankle.

Simon turns and stomps down at the grabby hands of his rival, breaking them away from his ankle. He then turns around as Psycho rushes out of the corner, going for a big lariat. Simon has the wherewithal and the perfect timing to drop down to the canvas, catch Psycho by the ankle and drop toe hold him throat first into the middle rope.

Psycho falls against the cable, his throat being propped against the rope while Simon snatches up the chair behind him. Without so much as thinking about it, Cagero steps to his prone opponent’s side then leaps over the cables. As he twists his body he sticks the chair under his leg and drops it across the back of Psycho’s head.

Mark: SICK move from Cagero.

Ackart: The champ is kicking some serious ass now.

Simon limps at ringside, hurting himself in order to inflict punishment on the Sadistic One. Psycho has rolled to the center of the ring, gripping at his swelling head and mumbling obscenities under his breathe. The unstable Cagero isn’t about to give Psycho any time to mend his wounds. He grabs the top rope and goes springboard, flying through the air and descending upon a shaken up Psycho.

He’s just about to finish off his adversary only to find himself caught right around the neck. Cagero lands on his feet and then is heaved into the air by the savage who then plants the World Champion to the ring with the Redeemer. The double handed Gonzo bomb shakes the ring as Simon’s body collides with it.

Comeau: Ohhh, Psycho caught Cagero with the Redeemer. That very move may have shattered every bone in Simon’s body.

Ackart: Fucking impossible. Simon’s bones are made of steel.

Mark: Well that steel may have just been bent.

The trembling Psycho sits on the canvas, his features blood red after depositing Cagero with such force against the canvas. Steam actually seems to be coming off of his body. All the while the tarp is thrown into the air and Riggs is in the process of reaching under the ring. What he pulls out causes great dread amongst the crowd, a TABLE.

Mark: Oh no, oh geez, Riggs has a table in hand. Which could only mean one thing.

Daniel: Come on dammit, get up Simon, put these chumps away.

The wood is slid into the ring and finally gives Psycho cause to snap out of his daze. After throwing Cagero aside he approaches the table and begins to set it up near the turnbuckle.

Comeau: These guys have got some bad ideas in store for Simon.

Ackart: I really hope it’s nothing involving leather and whips.

Riggs enters the ring at this point and begins assisting his teammate in setting the table up correctly. The X-Class Champion and the former Cartel Title holder have the table positioned exactly where they want it before approaching their opposition, the very individual they intend on putting through it.

What they hadn’t counted on was the fight left in Cagero. He suddenly leaps from the canvas like a jack in a box and slaps Riggs across the jaw with a right. He then springs into the air and drives his knee straight under Psycho’s chin. The blow sends the Sadistic One staggering in the direction of the table.

Simon steps towards him and begins delivering punch after punch to his face, trying to put Psycho across the surface of the wood. That’s when Riggs delivers a double axehandle to the upper back of Cagero and finally takes the fight out of him.

Mark: Once again the numbers just too much for the World Champion.

Psycho now hooks one arm and Riggs hooks the other, leaving nothing for Simon to protect his face with as he’s driven into the table. His nose almost shatters upon impact with the wood, causing him to bounce back before Psycho forcefully rolls him onto the surface of the table. There he lays exposed to the elements, namely in the form of Riggs.

The Painted Warrior slips to the apron and proceeds up the turnbuckle.

Mark: Riggs is getting high.

Ackart: And for once he didn’t have to sniff Elmer’s Super Glue to do it.

Comeau: I think he’s looking to avenge what happened at Upping the Ante.

Psycho pins down Simon’s wrists, holding him on the table so that there’s no possibility he’ll slip free. Riggs stabilizes his feet on the ropes and then goes flipping forward through the air. The back of his head and shoulders nails Simon’s ribs and puts him through the table with the senton bomb. The wood shatters under Cagero’s mangled body.

Mark: The senton bomb through the table!!

Daniel: NOOO. Someone get me some shock paddles, an oxygen mask, a back board, SOMETHING, so I can help Simon.

Broken fragments of table litter the canvas and Cagero’s body. He lays on his side, motionless, eyes open to no more than thin slits. Drool seeps from the corner of his mouth as Psycho crouches over him. He has an insidious grin on his face as he savors the sight of the decimated World Heavyweight Champion. Riggs takes a moment to enjoy his handiwork too, turning to his elbows and knees then slithering towards Cagero. He finds himself mere inches removed from Simon’s ear, beginning to whisper before he motions to his cohort.

Psycho retrieve a microphone from Kailey Worf then returns to his partner’s side. He drops to his knees as well, holding the mic between Riggs’ lips and Simon’s ear.

Riggs: A rip off? A carbon copy? A cheap imitation? Is that what I am, Simon? Is that what you really think of me, Champ? Well I think tonight has shown that I’m far more than the whinny little emo knock off of Silencer that you think I am. I’ve demonstrated there’s more to me than you thought. But this, putting you through a table for the second week in a row, getting the drop on you yet again, well, it’s only just for starters.

The corners of his mouth tremble, fighting back a grin.

Riggs: This is child’s play to what awaits you, Champ. We haven’t even gotten to the real fun yet. And the fun begins at Extinction, Simon, because I’m challenging you, one on one, for the World Heavyweight Title!

The fans are stunned by this audacious challenge from the manipulative, malevolent Riggs. He now stands up and begins to back away with Psycho lingering behind. The Sadistic One continues to enjoy himself, basking in the fruits of his labors. That’s when the microphone is snatched out of his hand, Riggs dropping back to his knees and making one final comment.

Riggs: And I want you in a TABLES ARE LEGAL match.

The microphone is tossed down onto Simon’s stomach, Riggs stepping back with fire in his eyes.

Mark: A major challenge just made by Riggs to Simon Cagero. He wants him at Extinction for the World Heavyweight Title in a Tables Are Legal match.

Ackart: Cagero will never agree to it.

Comeau: I think he has to. I mean, what you’ve seen tonight is the complete annihilation of the Motherfuckers of America.

Daniel: When Simon and Too Magnificent are back on their feet, these fuckers are going to be trounced, mark my words.

Psycho backs Riggs up across the canvas as the Painted Warrior burns a hole through Cagero with his gaze. The crowd seems to enjoy the idea of these two rivals finally locking up one on one with tables appropriately playing a major function in the madness.

NO SURRENDER

Johnny Kingdom sits at the forefront of the camera, in quiet contemplation. His hands interlocked as he leans forward in his chair, fingers twiddling. A shadow is cast over him, moving back and forth across the Tag Champion and the wall.

Hurse: So what? Are we just going to take this lying down?

The Team Leader shakes his head and continues to think in spite of the incessant whining of his stable-mate. Hurse keeps on pacing, a bag of ice held to the back of his head.

Hurse: I’ll tell you this much, Johnny, I’m SICK of being victimized.

Johnny: Really? I would have thought you had gotten use to it by now.

He stops pacing, casting a suspicious eye upon his comrade.

Hurse: What’s that supposed to mean?

Kingdom: Why do you ask questions to which you already know the answer?

Now his response is no more than a blank, vacant stare.

Johnny: Look at you, your sickening Steve.

Hurse: What bug crawled up your ass?

Johnny: You know the Empire is predicated on a foundation of greatness. That’s what we’re supposed to represent, simply put, we’re the best. But when I take a look at you, Hurse, I don’t see greatness, I don’t see a world class athlete. I see an absolute disgrace.

The features of the Master of Control have gone white as a sheet.

Kingdom: Nowadays you have no other purpose but to be a victim. And the worse thing is, you’re your number one victimizer. Your heart isn’t in your matches anymore, otherwise you wouldn’t have lost to Jackson, and you just keep making self deprecating choices. You ruined your wedding by pursuing the unattainable Hellkat, and God only knows what you found desirable about her….

Hurse: I’m a sucker for whiskers.

Johnny: The less information you give, the better…..THEN you start dating a self proclaimed WHORE, who double crosses you. You align yourself with Jackson Adams, who double crosses you. I hear now that there’s a possibility that you knocked Robin up…..

Hurse: That’s a bold faced lie.

Johnny: And you start hanging out with Porno Lad and getting me to trust him, and then he double crosses BOTH of us. When your idiocy starts to effect me I cross the line.

Hurse: What do you want me to say?

Kingdom stands up and shakes his head solemnly.

Kingdom: Nothing, I don’t want to hear you say a word. You do enough pointless rambling. What I want is for you to get back to your old self, to stop causing me and yourself grief. It’s time to wise up….

He begins jabbing his finger into Hurse’s temple.

Johnny: I want back the Hurse who wasn’t content to flounder in mid-card obscurity all his life. I want the guy who had the cunning to take the World Title away from me. I want back a founding member of Creative Control. Do you still got it in you?

Hurse’s face is still blank, mind crippled by this influx of information. He doesn’t know what to think until the door flies open and Jackson Adams just comes waltzing right in. The Submission Title dawns his shoulder but he is naked of his usual arrogant smirk.

Adams: Gentlemen…..

Hurse begins to step towards Jackson, who he intends to use as an outlet for his anger. He’s held back by Johnny however, who is mildly intrigued.

Kingdom: State your purpose and state it quickly. I’m not sure how much longer I’ll pretend to hold Hurse back.

Jackson: I know that we haven’t seen eye to eye over the past few months.

Johnny: More like never.

Adams: True. I mean, I’ve made some pretty horrible decisions the past few weeks, decisions that have affected you…..

Kingdom: Who does that remind me of?

Kingdom glances over his shoulder at his despondent teammate.

Jackson: But now that I see that my decisions were indeed, for the lack of a better word, “stupid,” I want to start making up for them. Starting with helping my old friends cripple this new Porno Lad, Savior, Brat Pack alliance.

Johnny PRETENDS to mull over what he’s just heard.

Johnny: Why that’s awfully big of you, Jackson.

Adams doesn’t bother to grin, realizing that every compliment from Kingdom is shortly followed by a scathing insult.

Kingdom: It’s nice to see that you’ve shown some growth, although it’s taken you what, six years?

Jackson knew it was coming but that doesn’t mean he was any better prepared for it.

Jackson: I deserve that.

Johnny: That’s not half of what you deserve. You teamed with the Brat Pack, the BRAT PACK! I think people have been institutionalized for far less.

Adams: I know that’s going to be a permanent black mark on my record, but at least I’m willing to make amends for it.

Kingdom: And we’re supposed to what, give you the benefit of the doubt? Suddenly trust you? I’m sorry, Jackson, but we’re not exactly in a trusting mood right now.

Jackson: I understand. I know that I’m going to have to do a lot of work to get you guys to have faith in me again.

Johnny: To have faith in you again would imply that we had faith in you in the first place.

Again Adams tries to let the comment slip down his back.

Adams: Just give the opportunity guys. Let me prove I’m not the guy you think I am anymore. I’ll tell you what….

He snaps his fingers.

Jackson: I’ll prove it by taking on Robin Brooks next week, and I’ll even put my Submission Title on the line.

He slaps the plate of his belt while Hurse grimaces at the thought of Robin yet again being champion.

Kingdom: So you expect to earn our trust by GIVING Robin a title shot? Does anyone ever think things out around here?

Adams: Just wait until you see what I do to Robin. I’ll make her TAP next week. That outta show you that I can be trusted, that I’m ready to…..

Hot breathes go down the back of Jackson’s neck, sending chills all throughout his body. He knows that the empty void behind him has been filled, and judging by the intensity of the breathing he can detect there can be only one man nipping at his heels. He turns cautiously to look up into the eyes of the Big Crazy Bastard, AWOL lurking behind him, arms crossed and smile on his face.

Jackson: Hey, AWOL, long time no see.

There is a certain quiver in Jackson’s voice.

AWOL: Yes, I don’t believe we’ve had a chat since I knocked you out at Paranoia IV. How’s that whole concussion syndrome treating you these days?

Jackson: Cute. Listen, I’m glad you’re here….

AWOL: Really? That’s the first time I’ve ever heard that.

Adams: Like I was just telling Johnny, I want…..

AWOL: Spontaneously earn our trust? Get us to forget that whole Alpha Generation fiasco, and your repeated attempts to bludgeon all of us over the past few years?

Like Hurse now it’s Adams who suffers from a brain freeze.

Jackson: Um, yeah, kinda.

AWOL: Hmmm, the thought of teaming with someone who would double cross me for a Snickers bar does sound tempting.

Adams: I’m not that guy any….

AWOL: Save it.

Johnny: Indeed. Jackson, if you want to wage a war against the Brat Pack, Christian and Porno Lad, then by all means, have had it. But we’re not going out of our way to lend a hand should you, or more accurately, when you get in over your head. Face it, the Empire will never, EEEEEVER, team with you again.

A deep exhale emanates from Adams, who feels defeated despite his best attempts to endear himself to the Empire. The door once again props open and an intense Orlando Cruze peaks in wearing the N.H.B Championship over his shoulder.

Orlando: Boys, I saw what happened out there and I’m not going to let this in crowd go unpunished. I’m sure you all want retribution against them, therefore I took the liberty of booking an eight person tag match at Extinction. It’s going to be Christian Savior, Robin Brooks, Porno Lad and one other member of the Brat Pack versus Johnny Kingdom, AWOL, Hurse and Jackson Adams.

A huge grin forms across Jackson’s face while AWOL, Hurse and Johnny race to call an audible.

Orlando: It’s gonna be the ORIGINAL Empire versus that group of no good beatniks. You can thank me later.

The door swings shut before any member of the Empire can utter so much as a peep. Adams looks between the stunned faces of AWOL, Johnny and Hurse, still grinning wide.

Jackson: I guess I’ll see you guys at Extinction, PARTNAS!

Now it’s Jackson who leaves the dressing room and leaves Kingdom rubbing the patch of flesh between his eyes.

Johnny: Someone remind me to kill Orlando Cruze.

AWOL: That’ll have to wait. Cause seems to me we have some business to attend to.

Johnny looks up as he and AWOL come eye to eye, both men realizing that in a matter of moments all issues between them will be settled as their opposing ideologies collide in the center of the ring.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Doesn’t Deserve a Caption

AWOL VS. JOHNNY KINGDOM

“WAKE UP”

The moment his lyrics hit the PA system the crowd is on it’s feet erupting from Johnny Kingdom. Despite the earlier set back Johnny moves straight to the stage and overlooks the crowd with fiery determination in his eyes. Although he spends no time placating his audience, the Team Leader doesn’t have to in order to entice an almost primal reaction from them. They are all on their feet, desperately reaching over the barricade to touch him but Kingdom stays clear of their grubby fingers as he approaches the ring. His Tag Team Title belt is carelessly thrown over the ropes and into the ring as Johnny starts up the steel steps.

Mark: Kingdom doesn’t look happy at all. I wonder if he’ll try to take out some of his frustrations on AWOL here this evening, despite the fact that their teammates and Tag Team Champions.

Daniel: He’d have to a stupid motherfucker not to. You think AWOL is going to take it easy on Kingdom, just because their buds? I think not.

Comeau: I’m pretty sure that despite being tag team partners and stable-mates, you could never insinuate that AWOL and Kingdom are actual friends. The proof will be in the pudding here tonight as we await this EPIC main event. And speaking of epic, what about the news we just heard from Orlando Cruze, it’s going to be the ORIGINAL Empire, Johnny, AWOL, Jackson Adams and Hurse against Porno Lad, Christian Savior, Robin Brooks and Katelyn Steward at Extinction. I wonder if that match is resting in the back of Johnny’s brain going into this bout.

Johnny strolls to the center of the ring, snatches up his tag belt and tosses it to the official. He then proceeds to a corner, leaning back first against it anticipation of a man who almost crippled him, a man who took away almost two years of his wrestling career. The wait doesn’t last long…..

YOU BETTA GO AWAY!

The crowd explodes in much the same fashion that the mushroom shape pyrotechnics do. Once again the fans are on their feet, throwing a party for the Big Crazy Bastard. Much like Kingdom, AWOL has no time or no desire to pander to the masses, his focus is entirely on the ring and this match. He strolls towards the ring with one of the Tag Team Titles draped over a shoulder. His eyes meet with the Team Leader’s and he suddenly becomes aware of just what he’s in store for here tonight.

Comeau: I don’t think either man thought they would be facing off against each other yet again at this point in their careers. We’ve been waiting three years, three solid years for this match ladies and gentlemen, ever since AWOL and Kingdom first hooked up at Paranoia III and tore the house down.

Daniel: Nice use of hyperbole there, Mark. But I think the real match that stole the show at Paranoia III was…..quick, what match did Simon Cagero compete in at Paranoia III?

Mark: Your on your own there, Ackart. Tonight hasn’t exactly gone as planned for AWOL either, considering that he was called to the ring and forced to give some answers. I wonder if that’s going to be eating away at him throughout this bout as well.

AWOL pulls himself up and over the ropes before tossing his title to the official as well. Referee Princeton turns and hands off the belts while AWOL and Kingdom limber up in their opposing corners. They pause and take a second to pay attention to the overwhelming response from the crowd. The fans are absolutely rabid, their guys twisting in anticipation of this bout finally taking place.

Mark: The fans have wanted it, we’ve wanted it, and I daresay that even Johnny and AWOL have wanted this. The time is here and now, AWOL vs. Kingdom II, perhaps the BIGGEST main event in Riot! history. Buckle yourselves in and get ready for an epic.

The bell chimes and both AWOL and Kingdom step out of their corners slowly. They tentatively approach one another, well aware of what the other is capable of, having first hand knowledge of both their strengths and their weaknesses. It doesn’t take long for inhibitions to be cast aside and for both men to lunge into a collar elbow lock.

They jockey for positioning before AWOL pulls Kingdom head down into a front chancery.

Comeau: AWOL with an early advantage. Don’t let his size fool you, AWOL is a very proficient mat based wrestler, he was the very first Submission Champion.

Daniel: Why is your brain filled with so many useless stats?

Comeau: Because unlike you, I’m actually paid to know what I’m talking about.

AWOL twists and wrenches at Kingdom’s neck before Johnny swings out of the front chancery, steps behind his opponent and shoves him forward. AWOL charges into the cables and turns, hitting them spine first just as Kingdom cocks his fist back. However, the Big Crazy Bastard wraps his arms around the top rope, keeping from charging back in to the devastating blow.

Johnny stands his ground, slowly lowering his fist and making eye contact with a smirking monster.

Daniel: Don’t tell me this fight is going to have like twenty fucking standoffs? This is the OK Corral.

Mark: Tense situation here. Like I said, these two know each other very well.

Kingdom drops his fist to his side as AWOL steps out of the ropes and the two yet again lock up in a collar elbow. It isn’t long however, before Johnny pulls AWOL down and traps his neck in a side headlock.

Comeau: Now Kingdom utilizing a very effective yet basic hold.

AWOL grunts and groans as his head is wrenched in the hands of the Team Leader, Kingdom hoping this will be enough to wear him down. Kingdom really clamps on tight before AWOL stands up straight, holding his opponent on his shoulder then throwing him off.

The crowd squeals as Kingdom goes airborne only to land right on his feet. He turns around quickly and comes charging towards AWOL who suddenly lifts a foot into the air, swinging around for a big boot. Johnny drops down out of the way of AWOL’s huge heel and rolls into the ropes.

The momentum of the kick sends AWOL into a full spin, turning back to face a kneeling Kingdom. The two make eye contact yet do not move a muscle, the crowd clapping at the sight of another face off.

Mark: These two trying their best to come up with some new tricks that will catch their opponent off guard. But thus far all we’re seeing is a stalemate.

Ackart: Emphasis on the word stale. Why oh why couldn’t there be hot bitches fighting in pudding? If I were booking this show that’s all we’d ever see and I guarantee ratings would go through the roof.

Mark: Much like your ego already has.

The Big Crazy Bastard and the Team Leader are obviously formulating strategies in their heads as they approach one another. Inexplicably they go back to the collar elbow, still trying to feel one another out it seems. This time AWOL transitions from the hold right back into the front chancery. He’s really got his arm clamped tight around Johnny’s head on this attempt, but he’s still unable to keep the Team Leader from escaping.

Johnny slips out of the front chancery by pulling AWOL’s wrist away from his throat then swinging his body away from his opponent. He turns his back to the co-holder of the Tag Team Titles and in the process wraps his arms around his neck, applying the side headlock a second time.

If Kingdom is going to counter the same way he did earlier, so is AWOL. He stands up and attempts to throw Johnny off only to have Kingdom flip back over his adversary’s shoulder. Johnny lands right behind AWOL and then grabs his arm, trying to force him down into the Lesson in Leadership. The crowd pops, leaping to their feet in shock that Kingdom is going for his patented submission so early.

Comeau: Kingdom trying to catch AWOL off guard. He’s about to trap him in the crossface!

Daniel: Oh, how surprising, I predict a counter in three, two, one….

AWOL employs his monstrous strength to push back with his arm, driving his elbow into Kingdom’s stomach and sending the Team Leader into a spin. As his partner makes a rotation, AWOL steps behind his back and hooks one arm while reaching out for the other, obviously intent on applying the War Crimes.

Mark: War Crimes, War Crimes now! Can AWOL get it applied?

Ackart: My guess is no.

AWOL just begins to establish his modified abdominal stretch when his crafty opponent drops to his knees. He slips backwards through AWOL’s legs and grabs one of his ankles in the process. He lifts up on it, tripping his Empire stable-mate forward, sending him crashing face first into the canvas.

Johnny then leaps over AWOL’s back and grabs his arm, attempting to apply the crossface yet again.

Mark: And he’s going back to the Lesson in Leadership. This match a counter-fest thus far.

The fans anxiously anticipate the sight of Kingdom applying a hold he has forced so many to submit to in the past. AWOL is determined not to be just another victim of the hold. He tries to roll away from his opponent but Kingdom is still holding onto his arm. As a result the Team Leader rolls along with him, flipping over the ribs of AWOL and hitting the canvas across the back of his head.

Kingdom is forced to break the hold as a result and keep on rolling until he finds himself seated spine first against the turnbuckle. AWOL stands up in front of him, goes rushing into the far ropes, bounces off and then comes barreling in for the face wash.

AWOL stops in mid rush once he sees Kingdom roll out of the ring, preventing the boot from washing his face. The crowd has another rousing reaction at the sight of this stale-mate.

Mark: Another standoff between these two after an exciting series of counters. One second AWOL looked like he was going to have the War Crimes applied, and then the next I thought we were going to see Johnny establish the Lesson in Leadership. They’re going for their big moves early and for good reason.

Daniel: Yes, it heightens the drama. And we all that’s what the IWC cares about the most, DRAMA. Their worse than the fucking Oxygen network.

Wisely Kingdom takes a breather, strolling around the ring and trying to develop a new gameplan. AWOL is doing the same as he patiently waits for his opponent to re-enter the squared circle. Finally Johnny starts up the steps and slips back through the ropes. The moment Johnny’s feet hit the canvas AWOL has had enough waiting. He charges in and delivers a swift kick to the still bent forward Johnny’s chest, causing him to stand up straight.

The blow was so stiff it knocked Johnny backwards into a turnbuckle, which is the only thing propping up his body. The malicious monster steps in for an open hand palm strike to the face that Kingdom ducks. AWOL’s own momentum sends him spinning and finally pressing his spine to the corner.

Johnny spins himself, but for an entirely different reason, swinging around with his forearm for the roaring elbow. Shockingly Kingdom misses his mark, AWOL side stepping the inbound forearm. As a result Kingdom falls spine first against the corner and AWOL moves in with a knife edge chop.

Johnny ducks out of the way of the sternum cracking blow and moves behind AWOL. Once again Kingdom shoves his opponent forward, AWOL turning and hitting the ropes. The moment his spine hits the cables and his eyes lock with Johnny’s, AWOL becomes overwhelmed with rage.

Mark: AWOL getting angry that Johnny is avoiding his maneuvers. I think we’re starting to see the monster come out.

Daniel: Yes, finally. Blood, gore, halleluiah.

Although Johnny verbally and physically taunts AWOL, he was ill prepared for the big running shoulder block to the chest. The blow knocks Kingdom from his feet spine first to the canvas.

AWOL towers above him, staring down into his partner’s face then turning to hit the ropes. That’s when Johnny reaches out, wraps his arms around AWOL’s foot and causes his own momentum to send the Big Crazy Bastard tripping forward yet again.

Kingdom stands up, obviously having the same idea as before, literally moments from jumping over AWOL’s back and going for the crossface. He leaps over AWOL and lands on his seat, going for the arm only to have the Big Crazy Bastard roll to his feet, having Kingdom’s move scouted well ahead of time.

He stands up beside his seated associate and goes for a big spinning shin kick to Johnny’s chest only for Kingdom to drop back out of the way of the flying leg. Once again it’s AWOL’s momentum that sends him spinning, his back turned to his opponent upon missing the kick. Promptly Johnny reaches up, grabs the back of AWOL’s pants and pulls him down into the school boy.

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AWOL kicks out and rolls back to his feet in the process.

Mark: Johnny going for the first pinfall attempt of the contest as this match just continues to go back and forth, back and forth. It’s enough to make one sea sick.

Daniel: It’s just making me sick period.

Johnny leaps to an upright base and goes for a big lariat that AWOL is able to avoid with a timely duck. He grabs one arm and then reaches out and hooks the other, pulling Kingdom down into the backslide pin.

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The Team Leader kicks out and falls to his knees in the process. With AWOL stooped over in front of him it provides Kingdom with an opportunity he just can’t pass up. He reaches out wraps AWOL’s head up and rises to his feet in anticipation of the Exodus Finale. Just as the crowd gasps AWOL stands up straight, back dropping Johnny over his shoulder and over the top rope in much the same way that he eliminated Too Magnificent from the battle royal weeks ago.

Johnny somehow has the gumption to grab the top rope as he goes sailing over it, adjust his body and land feet first on the apron.

Comeau: Cat like reflexes from the Team….OOOOH!

Just as Mark was in the process of buttering Kingdom up, AWOL leaps into the air, shoots his shin over the top rope and drills it directly into his temple. The kick connects with such stiff force that it causes Kingdom to loose consciousness. He turns and collapses from the apron to the outside mats.

Ackart: There we go, things finally starting to get interesting.

Comeau: What a gruesome kick from AWOL, perhaps permanently incapacitating Kingdom.

Ackart: Why must you oversell everything? I’m sure he’ll recover in a matter of seconds.

As Daniel speculated, Kingdom is already on his way back to his feet. While the crowd screams over the sheer viciousness of the blow he suffered Johnny stands, his knees wobbly, legs barely able to support him. Nevertheless he turns back towards the ring just in time to spot a 747 gliding through the ropes and connecting with a suicide diving forearm.

Mark: NAAAAAH!

The fans are expressing their utter joy at the sight of AWOL going airborne. The Big Crazy Bastard connects with such force behind the forearm that Johnny is not only laid out but sent rolling backwards across the mats. AWOL on the other hands lands on his knees, an intense expression contorting his face.

Daniel: Wow, that was almost impressive.

Mark: AWOL doing something we don’t see very often. He’s showing us why he’s one of the most dangerous, multifaceted competitors on the roster.

The forearm in combination with the kick has left Kingdom understandably a tad loopy. He tries to get up but almost falls right back over. It isn’t until the remorseless AWOL steps in and guides him to his feet that he finally has the power to stand. He’s not upright for long after a knife edge chop connects with such force to his sternum that it sends Johnny stumbling then collapsing into a chair. A chair perfectly positioned in the corner of two converging barricades.

AWOL steps back and overlooks the crowd who know all too well what he’s about to set up for at this point.

Mark: No, he’s not going to do this to Kingdom, not his own partner.

Daniel: All AWOL sees is an opponent, Mark, not a friend.

To a wave of “Ole” chants, AWOL rushes forward and drives his boot right into the side of Kingdom’s head, slamming it between heel and steel.

Comeau: The face wash, oh God the face wash!

Johnny slumps down in his chair, looking somewhat brain dead from the kick. His altered perception leaves him susceptible to his opponent. AWOL takes him around the neck, leads him to his feet then guides him into the ring like he were a seeing eye dog, a seeing eye dog about to turn on it’s master.

He slips into the ring and crawls into the lateral press, trying to bring a merciful conclusion to this match.

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Johnny’s arm shoots from the canvas, showing that he desires NO mercy.

Mark: AWOL close to finishing Johnny off, to repeating history. Remember, AWOL won the first bout between these two all the way back at Paranoia III.

Daniel: Actually I didn’t. Why? Because my brain isn’t full of such useless facts.

The Big Crazy Bastard is a tad miffed by his partner’s resistance. He grabs Johnny by the throat and uses this clutch to hoist him straight up into the air. Johnny comes down on his feet and as soon as he lands AWOL hauls off and slaps him right across the cheek.

The blow is so stiff that it sends Kingdom spinning towards the ropes. He bounces off and comes staggering back into a palm strike now delivered from AWOL’s opposite hand. Once again Johnny is sent spinning into the ropes. This time when he hits the cables and comes back in AWOL catches him around the waist. He then snaps back into a release over head belly to belly suplex, sending Johnny flying through the air and eventually crashing spine first against the ring.

Kingdom sits up from the sheer force of the landing, his eyes listless and his face devoid of emotion.

Mark: It seems like AWOL is just having his way with the Team Leader at this point. Maybe the events of earlier tonight have just taken Kingdom’s mind completely out of this match-up.

Johnny remains seated just long for AWOL take him by the back of the head and lead him up to his feet. The remorseless monster delivers a back elbow square to the temple, the shot almost taking the Team Leader down. Somehow Kingdom remains upright just as AWOL takes the back of his head and pulls him forward into a European Uppercut.

The stiff strike has Johnny staggering backwards into the ropes and bouncing off. The ricochet sends him traveling right back into the waiting arms of his opponent, who is setting up for yet another belly to belly. This time his suplex is thwarted when Johnny wraps his leg around AWOL’s inner thigh, preventing the throw.

Kingdom then extends his hands out to his sides and delivers a double palm strike to both of AWOL’s temples. The simultaneous blow has AWOL’s brain scrambled, causing him to break his arms away from his partner’s waist. He stumbles back just as Kingdom slaps his forearm and swings around for yet another roaring elbow.

Once again his move is blocked this time by a kick to the gut that doubles him over and puts him in perfect position for the Big Crazy Bastard. AWOL steps over his head, wraps his arms around Johnny’s waist and then heaves him up to his shoulders.

Comeau: This is going to be very bad for Kingdom.

Daniel: The only thing that could make this anymore painful for him is being forced to sit through a Lord X promo. Oh how I adore random references to the awfulness that was Lord X.

Johnny is up to AWOL’s sternum and about to be sent for a rather bumpy ride. The Big Crazy Bastard grabs the back of Kingdom’s pants and lifts up, elevating him even further into the air for a Last Ride version of the powerbomb. The crowd cringes as they prepare for the incredibly stiff collision of Kingdom’s body with unforgiving canvas.

Johnny has other plans though, wedging his hands to the top of AWOL’s head and shoving himself over it. He then twists around in mid-air, coming down right beside his opponent and grabbing one of his arms in the process. The fans come unglued as Johnny tries to apply the Lesson in Leadership yet again.

Mark: He’s got the arm picked, will Kingdom get his Lesson in Leadership applied this time?

AWOL drops to a knee, Kingdom already having him at the half way point of trapping him in the hold. AWOL refuses to feel the sting of the crossface, clinching his free hand into a knuckle then swinging it towards Johnny’s face. Just before it could connect Kingdom releases the arm, ducks the fist, catches AWOL around the neck and thigh then drops back into a t-bone suplex.

The crowd is amazed that Johnny had the strength to heave AWOL into the air and slam him with such force to the canvas.

Comeau: Did you see that?

Ackart: Yes Don West, I saw it.

Comeau: I do not care for that comparison, but nothing is going to detract from my sheer amazement here. Kingdom actually got AWOL up and over his head into a HUGE t-bone suplex. But it may have taken more of Johnny to hit the move than anything.

AWOL and Kingdom both lay on the canvas already exhausted from the pace and physicality of this long awaited rematch. A rematch that has already lived up to the hype.

Mark: Both men winded already in what has been a seesaw battle.

AWOL starts to show signs of life and so does Kingdom. The battle tested gladiators slowly begin to reach their feet but Johnny is the little quicker of the pear. While AWOL is still on a knee Johnny is already to his feet and stepping in to deliver blows. One right connects to AWOL’s temple, then another to his opposite temple. The blows have AWOL reeling.

Johnny goes for a big shot, putting all of his strength behind it only to have AWOL catch the inbound fist, engulfing it with his palm.

Kingdom’s eyes widen as his opponent stands up and begins to squeeze his knuckles until they almost crack. In desperation Johnny uses his free hand to deliver a punch right to AWOL’s wrist, breaking his grip. As soon as Johnny has freed his fist he uses it to deliver a spinning back punch that connects directly to the Big Crazy Bastard’s temple.

The stiff strike causes AWOL to turn away from his opponent who then leaps into the air, wedges his knees to his spine and delivers the backstabber.

AWOL comes down kidneys first into the raised knees of the former World Heavyweight Champion, his body bouncing off of them and then twisting to the canvas.

Mark: I have never seen Kingdom deliver that move before, but it looked damn effective against AWOL. Will it be enough, can he put AWOL down?

Daniel: Sure, if he buys a gun.

The pain coursing through his back may be excruciating but AWOL is already trying to stand back up. Kingdom sits on the canvas watching the monster rise to his feet, the Team Leader’s eyes widening with shock.

Mark: AWOL is already getting back up, this guy just doesn’t feel pain at all.

The behemoth reaches his feet and Johnny swoops in right behind him, reaching out and slapping both hands onto his shoulders. He is yet again setting up for the back stabber only to have AWOL grab his hands, fall to his knees and pull down on both of Johnny’s arms. As a result Kingdom is sent flipping over his kneeling opponent and rolling forward across the canvas.

Kingdom just begins to stand up when AWOL comes charging towards him only to receive a gut busting kick. The spinning back heel kick from Kingdom connects, the stiff shot doubling AWOL over as Johnny steps across the back of his head and hooks both arms. He grabs the creases of his opponent’s knees and then heaves him up into the air, dropping to his seat and connecting with the Package Piledriver.

Mark: The piledriver connects, AWOL body folding up upon impact with the canvas. If he is not down now I don’t know what it’ll take to put AWOL away.

Fatigue is playing a heavy role in prolonging this match, Johnny too tired and banged up to make an immediate pin. Finally he drags himself into a lateral press on the exhausted, battered Big Crazy Bastard. Official Princeton drops down and makes the count with the fans chanting along.

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AWOL’s shoulder flies from the canvas, preventing the three count.

Mark: AWOL still alive, my goodness he is still alive in this bout.

Daniel: At this point I think I would start looking for an angry mob with pitchforks and torches if you want to put AWOL away.

The banged up Big Crazy Bastard rolls across the ring after the kick out, trying to wisely create space between himself and his partner. An exasperated Kingdom is arguing with the referee, holding three fingers in the air but getting nowhere fast. He finally turns to acknowledge that AWOL has rolled to the outside and is now standing on the mats.

Clearly the head first plunge into the canvas has left AWOL’s head scrambled as well as his spine compressed. Despite the punishment he just endured AWOL remains upright, keeping both feet firmly planted to the mats. He’s fighting to remain upright and he remains so until Johnny jumps from a corner to the outer middle rope into a moonsault that sends him crashing into AWOL’s shoulder.

Mark: The Bermuda Triangle from Kingdom! He’s taken AWOL out with a high flying move of his own!

Daniel: It’s like monkey see, monkey do. Only, hairless, freaky monkies, with extremely articulate speech patterns and instead of being motivated by bananas they want titles and exposure…..

Mark: I’m just going to stop you there.

Daniel: Thanks.

The crowd is slapping the barricades and stomping their feet, very much enjoying these new and rare moves being busted out by both athletes. Their determination shows just how much they really want this win, just how much a victory tonight means to them. Kingdom demonstrates this fact as he rises to his feet, pushing past the trauma and taking AWOL around the neck. The Big Crazy Bastard is led to his feet then slammed with force face first against the apron.

AWOL now leans against the hardest portion of the ring, the very object that just incapacitated him being employed a crutch to keep him upright. Johnny steps in and cracks him across the chest with a truly stiff chop that nearly knocks the big man’s legs right out from under him. Somehow he remains upright long enough to grab the bottom rope and begin dragging himself up onto the apron.

Mark: AWOL’s veteran instincts kicking in. He’s not one to run from a battle but he knows the value of strategic positioning. Sometimes you have to alter your elevation or your distance to reacquire the advantage.

Daniel: Do you even know what your talking about?

Comeau: Sometimes there are points in my rambling.

Ackart: Could of fooled me.

AWOL continues to lean against the cables while Johnny follows his opposition to the apron. He holds onto the middle rope as well, using it to stabilize himself as punch after punch connects to the bridge of his opponent’s nose.

Kingdom is holding nothing back, bringing the full intensity of his strength and rage behind each blow. AWOL tries to stabilize himself, rocking to and fro, somehow remaining on his knees.

Johnny backs across the apron and then charges in, delivering a swift running knee to AWOL’s forehead. He then grabs him around the neck and guides him up to his feet before calling out to the fans.

Kingdom: THIS IS IT!

The fans realize what they should be expecting at this point, the Exodus Finale on the APRON!

Comeau: This is gonna be killer, literally. Johnny has finished so many opponents off with this Brainbuster DDT on the apron.

Daniel: It’s even left some of his opponents retarded. Did he ever do this to you, Mark? It would explain a lot.

Kingdom is prepared to provide the grand finale when AWOL wedges his palm to his chest and shoves him back. His enormous head is freed from the front chancery, AWOL wrapping his arm around the top cable to keep upright on the apron. Johnny now catches himself and then gets a running start, coming back in at AWOL who suddenly catches him then swings around into a BRUTAL spinning powerslam on the apron!!

Mark: AAAAAH GOD!

Every fan cringes from the horror of hearing and seeing Johnny’s body slammed with such force into the hardest portion of the ring. AWOL drops to the outside mats and doubles over, hands wedged to knees, trying to catch his breath.

Mark: Can you believe….can you possibly begin to fathom just how much that hurt?

Ackart: I think I heard one or two bones crack.

Kingdom bows his spine from the apron while AWOL fells to the outside mats upon delivering the move. He rests on his knees, still trying to recuperate after the many shots to the head. Finally, realizing that he’s providing himself with only a brief time window, AWOL stands up, shoves Kingdom back into the ring and then crawls in after him.

He drops into the lateral press, hooking both legs this time in anticipation of hearing that glorious three count.

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Johnny’s shoulder leaps from the canvas like two shock paddles were just used on his chest. AWOL sits up with the flesh on his face actually pulsating.

Mark: This is exactly what we saw in their first match up against each other. This never say die attitude, this transcendence beyond pain, beyond anguish.

Ackart: Enough of the flowery pros already.

Kingdom may be a train wreck but AWOL continues to be a speeding locomotive. He rises to his feet, takes Johnny by the head and sits him up on the canvas. He now drops down behind him and begins to hook one arm before going for the legs.

Comeau: He’s going back to the War Crimes.

AWOL is determined to apply the submission that NOBODY, save for Kingdom, has ever escaped. He hopes tonight there won’t be a repeat of history. With arm hooked AWOL begins to reach out to cross the legs. He gets them in a four formation before Kingdom kicks his hand away, uncrossing his legs then throwing back elbows into AWOL’s temple.

Each shot is brain scrambling but not enough to end AWOL’s persistence. He again reaches out for the legs only to have his hand kicked away. Finally AWOL stands up to get the hold locked in, bending over Johnny’s head to reach for the legs. Kingdom quickly falls back, lifts his legs into the air, places them under the pits of the Big Crazy Bastard then sits up.

Johnny rolls AWOL forward, holding down on the back of his knees and placing his legs over his shoulders in a shocking pinning predicament. The crowd leaps from their seats, thinking that Kingdom has stolen one.

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AWOL kicks out and the dream has died. The crowd cheers nevertheless, hanging on every pinfall, every blow, every counter in this exhilarating bout.

After saving himself, AWOL rolls to his feet just as Johnny clobbers him to the temple with a forearm. He then delivers another blow, and another. AWOL is all shook up as Kingdom spins around and finally delivers the roaring elbow with enough force to shatter his opponent’s skull.

Mark: And he finally hits that roaring elbow. AWOL’s brain has got to be mush at this poin….

Ackart: It wasn’t already….?

Comeau: Easy now Pilgrim.

The forceful strike has sent AWOL spinning into the ropes with the consciousness of a zombie. He bounces off and then leaps forward into a surprising and BRUTAL lariat to Johnny’s throat, taking both men down with force.

Comeau: Just when Kingdom thinks he’s got AWOL, the big man turns the corner.

The forearm followed by the lariat has left both men down on the canvas but it has the crowd up on its feet chiming in with their thoughts. They put their hands together, quite enjoying such physicality from both phenomenal athletes. The legends stir before slowly beginning to reach their feet. AWOL is the first up with Kingdom coming in second by a nose.

He gets up just in time for AWOL to hit one palm strike, and then another with equal force to the opposite side of the head. Once again Johnny goes into a spin before turning out of it into the roaring elbow. His forearm catches AWOL right to the jaw, and sends him staggering backwards into the ropes.

He bounces off then lunges forward into a lariat. Johnny sees it coming, ducking in the nick of time, AWOL’s run away bicep smacking nothing but air. The momentum of the swing carries AWOL forward into the ropes, bouncing off and coming back at Johnny who spins around just in time to smash his opponent’s mouth with an even deadlier roaring elbow.

The force of the strike is enough to knock teeth out and has finally taken AWOL down hard to the canvas.

Mark: What a brutal roaring elbow. That has got to be enough, this HAS to be it.

Daniel: Which probably means it won’t be.

An exasperated Kingdom just falls forward, landing on top of AWOL’s chest and appropriately wedging his forearm to his opposition’s busted lip.

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AWOL’s shoulder shoots free from the ring, sparing himself the humiliation of a loss. Although after the sheer brutality both men have inflicted on one another for the sake of no more than pride, a loss would be the furthest thing from an embarrassment.

Daniel: Told ya so. These fuckers are just too stupid to stay down.

Mark: This is all about finding out who the better man is, Daniel. That’s why they’re putting each other through such hell.

Beads of sweat stream down an exhausted Kingdom’s face, his skin transforming to a bright red shade. With chest heaving and heart beat racing, Johnny limps to his feet.

Fans: LET’S GO KINGDOM!

Fans: LET’S GO AWOL!

Fans: LET’S GO KINGDOM!

Fans: LET’S GO AWOL!

The crowd may be indecisive but Johnny isn’t, knowing exactly what this situation calls for. As AWOL kneels before him Kingdom applies a front chancery and sets for his dreaded Exodus Finale. That’s when AWOL wraps his arms around Johnny’s waist and shocks him by standing up straight. He hoists Kingdom up onto his shoulder, racking him ribs first across it.

Johnny kicks his legs and then falls back, altering his move into almost a version of a tornado DDT. AWOL’s head smacks the canvas with dangerous force, his body flopping to it’s back with Kingdom crawling into yet another cover.

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Although he was stunned by the reversal to his reversal AWOL is still able to kick out.

Mark: Another nearfall, Kingdom ALMOST had AWOL.

Daniel: There’s been a lot of ALMOSTS in this match.

Comeau: What a wonderful follow up.

Daniel: Fuck off.

AWOL blinks his eyes sporadically, bordering on the brink of awareness and unconsciousness. Johnny sits on the ring slamming the side of his fist against the canvas and then slowly reaching for his feet. He notices the close proximity of AWOL’s body to the turnbuckle, prompting him to step over his opponent and slip through the ropes.

Obviously Johnny is intent on climbing the turnbuckle and hitting the 450 splash.

Unfortunately that dream never becomes a reality as AWOL rolls to his feet and begins to stagger towards him. Johnny realizes that AWOL is about to strike, causing him to instead leap from the apron to the top rope, spring off and fly over his inbound opponent’s head.

As soon as he lands behind AWOL, the bastard spins around, catches one arm, and then other, applying a pumphandle hold. The crowd squeals like school girls as AWOL hoists Johnny up into position for the Daisy Cutter. Somehow Johnny twists his body and slips onto AWOL’s shoulder, causing the big man to stumble back towards the turnbuckle. Kingdom hits the corner bum first, now sitting on the top rope and freeing himself from this bad position.

AWOL staggers forward, realizing that Kingdom is no longer in his possession. He spins around just as Johnny leaps out of the turnbuckle only to be nailed to the sternum in mid-flight with a big boot that could have cracked his chest.

Mark: Ouch! Kingdom just flew right into a wall.

The kick has knocked Kingdom out of the air and sends him hurdling spine first into the canvas. All the air has been knocked out of his lungs, leaving Johnny prime for the pin. It doesn’t take AWOL long to reach that conclusion as he falls into the lateral press.

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NYOOO! Kingdom kicks out and almost sends AWOL into an uproar.

Mark: This is getting ridiculous…..

Daniel: Getting? I think it’s far surpassed ridiculous at this point.

Mark: Nothing will keep either man down.

The battered and bruised AWOL sits brooding on the canvas, contemplating his next move like he were playing a game of chess. His pain only motivates him to begin standing. He turns just as Johnny has gotten to his knees then reaches out and slaps his hand around his throat.

Comeau: Uh oh, he’s got him goozled.

Johnny’s eyes are bulging out of their sockets as he’s led to his feet by his throat and AWOL reaches out, grabbing the back of his pants. He heaves him up into the air for the chokeslam only to have Kingdom slip out of the palm, grab AWOL around the neck and drop back to his feet.

AWOL is doubled over as Kingdom grabs his pants and hoists him up for the Exodus Finale.

Mark: No, it’s the Exodus Finale!

Daniel: Make up your mind already.

In mid-air AWOL shifts his weight and comes right back down to his feet. This resistance prompts Kingdom to break the front chancery and step back, going for the brutal punt kick to the face. AWOL catches the foot right before it could connect to his skull and then pushes down on it. The momentum sends Johnny spinning around before being caught by the throat and raised into the air with a chokeslam.

The entire ring shakes as Johnny’s body hits the canvas and AWOL falls to his knees beside him. He hooks the leg, knowing that victory is all but a certainty at this point. He hangs on every slap of the canvas just like the fans.

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Mark: Is this how it’s gonna end?

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AWOL has done it, he’s defeated Johnny in what was one of the bigg…..no he didn’t, the ref informs him that Kingdom kicked out just a fraction of a second before the three. For once actual shock resides in AWOL’s eyes.

Comeau: Amazing, absolutely amazing. This has been an amazing effort from two amazing competitors putting on an amazing match.

Daniel: It’s surpassed my expectations, granted my expectations were low coming into this thing.

The crowd is super excited by all the breathtaking action they’ve witnessed in this marquee match up, but their mood suddenly alters at the sight of Psycho.

Mark: Here comes trouble.

Daniel: I believe the term fat fuckers like is “tons of fun.”

Mark: I don’t think Psycho’s here to spread fun.

Comeau: It may be a pipedream but I hope he’s not here to effect this match.

AWOL doesn’t even notice Psycho as he goes right back to work on Kingdom. The Tag Champion glistens with sweat as he’s rolled to his feet and drilled under the jaw with an uppercut that echoes throughout the arena. The blow sends Kingdom crashing right back down on the canvas, rolling across it at this point until he reaches the ropes.

Mark: Kingdom showing his veteran instincts yet again, creating some distance between himself and AWOL.

Although sluggish AWOL is still following right along behind his opponent. He slips half way through the ropes, putting one foot on the apron and then reaching down and grabbing Kingdom around the neck. He forces Johnny up to his feet, the Team Leader barely able to stand. Almost spontaneously Johnny snaps out of his near comatose condition and lunges into the air. He catches AWOL around the neck and pulls him down face first into the apron with the diamond cutter.

Comeau: YOUCH!

Ackart: Hahahaha, sweeeeet.

The crowd cups their mouths in disbelief as AWOL’s forehead cracks against the hardest portion of the ring. Johnny falls to the outside mats, taking some punishment for the sake of inflicting more on his opponent. AWOL has gone positively cock eyed as he rolls under the ropes back into the ring, clearly having no clue where he is presently. He ends up on his back, eyes fluttering, jaw slacked, saliva creeping from the corners of his mouth.

Johnny, ailing body and all climbs to the apron and grabs the ropes, agonizingly scaling them. He gets to the top rope, body heavily fatigued as he begins to stabilize himself. AWOL’s eyes are still flickering, on the edge of consciousness and la-la land. Kingdom puts him over that edge the second he flies off of the top rope into a frog splash.

Mark: Now a frog splash from Kingdom connecting. I’ve never seen him pull that move off before.

AWOL’s leg is hooked and the crowd is absolutely screaming at the tops of their lunges. Every eye is unblinking as the official’s hand slaps the canvas, making the decisive count.

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The Team Leader has finally forced the AWOL monkey off of his back…no, wait, it’s still there and now it’s rubbing feces in his ears. AWOL kicked out, shoulder barely separating from the ring.

Mark: This is just unreal.

Daniel: What a motherfucking classic.

If Johnny possessed the ability to weep he probably would be at this point. His frustration have taken complete control over his brain, leaving him numb to the world.

Comeau: AWOL and Kingdom have hit each other with everything, EVERYTHING in this match, but it’s just not enough. They keep on coming no matter what.

Ackart: They should just change their names to Connor McCloud and Kurgan already.

Johnny sluggishly rolls to his side, every inch of his anatomy enflamed with pain. That’s when from the corner of his eye he spots a sight that fills him with even greater rage. Psycho has taken the liberty of leaping to the apron and chastising the Tag Team Champion. An endless string of deprecating comments are uttered by the Sadistic Savage.

Comeau: Will you please do something about this ref?

The last thing official Fitzpatrick wants is to get anywhere near Psycho after what he did earlier in the night to Wright. He hangs back and waits to call for the DQ as Johnny steps in to handle the situation. He cuts loose with even harsher insults than the troublesome psychopath. All the while this leaves Johnny distracted to the fact that AWOL has risen to his knees on the canvas. The Big Crazy Bastard is almost hulking up, finding the energy down deep inside to try the impossible, standing up. It proves impossible at this point, his body just too drained to get out of his crawling position.

He and the Team Leader are equally unaware that Riggs is now rolling into the ring behind them, Singapore cane clutched in hand.

Mark: The X-Class Champion is rolling into the ring, God dammit. Is the officiating staff entirely incompetent?

Ackart: Your just now realizing this?

Finally Fitzpatrick has the guts to step in and begin ordering Psycho off the apron to the backstage area. He completely misses the more urgent of dilemmas, namely in the form of Riggs. Kingdom takes a different approach to solving the Psycho problem, a far more physical one. He drives his fist straight into Psycho’s chin, knocking him down from the apron with one fatal shot.

The Sadistic One crashes across the outside mats while Johnny turns back towards the center of the ring and gets absolutely murdered with a shot from the cane. Riggs almost shatters the staff over his head, depriving Kingdom of all his senses, all his thoughts, and most importantly, control over ever nerve ending. He collapses to the canvas while the sound of the cane connecting against skull continues to echo throughout the Manhattan Center, even into the nose bleed section.

Mark: NOOO! Kingdom’s skull crushed with that cane shot! Why is Riggs doing this?

Daniel: Isn’t it pretty fucking obvious?

With the ref still barking at Psycho at ringside, telling him he’s gonna get suspended for attacking Wright earlier and that the officiating staff aren’t human punching bags, Riggs is in the process of grabbing an exhausted AWOL’s wrist and dragging him over on top of the laid out Kingdom.

Mark: This in ring classic cannot end this way. Come on, is there any justice left in this world?

Ackart: Easy answer, NOPE. Otherwise Christian Savior never would have been World Champion.

Coincidentally the moment Riggs exits Fitzpatrick turns around and spots the pin. AWOL is too winded and shaken to even realize he’s pinning the co-holder of the Tag Team Titles. For the first time since returning to an IWC ring he’s legitimately out of it. If he realized what was happening who knows what his reaction would be. The official’s hand meets the canvas and the crowd counts along.

1

2

3

Mark: Ohhhh man, I can’t believe it ended like this.

Daniel: Why? This is the IWC we’re talking about.

Comeau: An absolutely amazing one on one match ending in controversy. This is not how I saw Kingdom vs. AWOL II ending.

The moment his entrance music plays over the PA system, AWOL gains the strength to raise his head. He fights off the after effects of a grueling match and opens his eyes to discover what has transpired. First he sees Johnny stretched out before him, arm still draped over his chest. That’s when his sights twist to the two figures on the ramp. Riggs and Psycho remain shoulder to shoulder as they back towards the curtains.

Mark: I think AWOL is beginning to put all the pieces together.

Blood begins to boil, steam starts to rise from AWOL’s body, skin transforms to a bright red hue. AWOL exhibits all the tell tale signs of spontaneous combustion, but instead of exploding into flames he erupts into a string of gargled curse words.

Comeau: Riggs and Psycho have dug themselves into an even deeper grave when it comes to the Big Crazy Bastard. First they cost his team the World Title at the Overbooked Extravaganza, and tonight they just screwed Kingdom again and in a way screwed AWOL as well. This is not how he wanted this match to go.

Ackart: Are you sure about that? Where’s it spelt out that AWOL wasn’t in on this all along? There’s only so much you can chalk up to mere coincidence.

AWOL’s brimstone eyes rest squarely on the faces of his former protégés. An uncomfortable smile is shared between Psycho and Riggs as they stop near the curtains and take one last look at the animal threatening to burst free from its cage. Johnny rolls on the canvas gripping at his split skull, beginning to realize what happened, that for the second week in a row outside forces conspired to bring him down. Not only is AWOL now filled with an unquenchable lust for vengeance, but so is the Team Leader.

The grinning Psycho and Riggs remain on the stage reflecting on all the chaos and mayhem they’ve caused tonight, and all those who have suffered in their wake.

FADE TO BLACK