BRAIN RAPE

The music is slow, dramatic, played out on a synthesizer, just like in every Jon Carpenter film ever made. The scenes being provided are grainy, meant to give the footage a far more seedy and grim effect. Despite their voices being somewhat distant, one can hear Billy Mayne and Katie Steward in the background.

Mayne: This is horrible, HORRIBLE, I can’t watch anymore.

Steward: Now you know how I feel all night long.

The images get a bit more frantic and more importantly VIOLENT. The highs and lows of Orlando Cruze’s life is the video’s subject, picking up with his match last week. The uncontrolled frenzy of the Icon is featured through clips of him nailing a roaring European Uppercut on Porno Lad, then diving into a forearm smash on Christian in the corner. These clips remind everyone why Orlando is one of the absolute best when it comes to lacing up his boots and flat out performing.

Mayne: This whole night has not gone the way the Five Star Society would have liked. This is worse than sitting through a Uwe Boll movie.

The montage of epic Orlando moments continue as he delivers the Double A spinebuster on Christian, and drops Porno Lad with a Samoan Slam.

Mayne: He’s not even supposed to be out here, didn’t AWOL warn him before the match?

Katie: Did you honestly think he’d listen?

The video cuts from Orlando brutalizing his rivals to the Icon standing mono a mono with AWOL in a far less chaotic setting. The two stand juxtaposed to one another in Cruze’s office, where he’s busy wrapping his wrists in tape and AWOL is busy running his mouth.

Orlando: You just don’t understand AWOL, you will never understand what drives me. I can’t walk away, I just can’t, now when there’s so much unfinished business, so many things I have to FIX……if I’m going to be forced out of this business, I might as well as take a few people with me.

AWOL: I don’t get you Orlando, that’s true, and I won’t want to understand you either. All I know is that if you wanted to go out with a bang you picked the wrong partner, because I’m not about to let you screw this up like you screwed up Extinction……if you want to go out there and kill yourself, GREAT, but not at my expense and not at the expense of giving the Five Star Society a potential win.

This brief diversion ends with the tense staredown between Cruze and AWOL before cutting back to the now infamous tag match they were eluding to. At this point AWOL is featured on his back outside of the ring, having suffered a shot from the steel bell to the back of his skull. This leaves Orlando all on his own against both members of the Five Star Society. Surprisingly he’s holding up really well, as the previous images suggested. That is until he pops to his feet, looking all revved up, feeding off of raw emotion. After unleashing a primal roar he suddenly becomes woozy, stumbling and staggering around the ring. The music takes a far deeper, more demonic tone to enhance that oh so ominous feeling.

Mayne: It looks like there’s something not quite right about Orlando….

Cruze is seen running into a boot from Christian then convulsing all around the ring like he were having a seizure. The camera cuts to his eyes, which are wide open, his palms extended out in front of his face, fingers trembling. A series of clips feature Orlando rushing down the ramp at Paranoia to a standing ovation. This scene is followed by images of Orlando holding up his son Owen before pulling him into a kiss on the forehead.

Billy: I guess Orlando IS seriously hurt.

Although Orlando is shown hitting some blows on Porno Lad he suddenly falls to a knee, unable to keep the pressure on. A trail of blood slowly dribbles from his nostril as his eyes grow very wide. More classic footage is featured, this time showing Orlando celebrating with the World Heavyweight Title. It then cuts to him planting a kiss on the lips of Kloe.

Mayne: I think the ref is ejecting Orlando….

The referee is shown giving the standard “X” with his arms to inform medical personnel that a serious injury has been suffered. However, Orlando grabs the striped shirt of the referee, DEMANDING that he reverse his decision, pleading with him to let the match continue. That’s when he turns and is caught right across the neck, Christian dragging Cruze down into the diamond cutter. This scene is captured from numerous camera angles to make it even more dramatic as Orlando’s face hits the ring with a devastating thud.

Billy: Ohhhh shipoopie!

The camera is drawn to Orlando’s wide eyes and bleeding nose. The video switches to him once again being dragged down to the canvas with the diamond cutter. Now a scene involving Cruze hitting the Rock Bottom on Savior is interspersed before transitioning back into Orlando suffering from Christian’s deadly cutter. We see Orlando standing on his balcony overlooking the ocean before the video switches to the Icon’s head being forced under Porno Lad’s seat.

Mayne: I think you guys have done enough….

Orlando walks hand in hand with his wife and son down a sidewalk. This endearing moment is replaced with a far more disturbing image, Christian flying from the top rope, catching Cruze’s ankles and pushing him down into the spike piledriver.

Mayne: They did it, they finally did it, they just ended the career of Orlando Cruze.

If the sight of Orlando suffering the spike piledriver wasn’t bad enough, now it’s shown again, and again. There is a shot of Orlando shaking hands with Lethal Weapon after an epic clash at Paranoia, before it cuts back to him being dumped on his head via the spike piledriver. We now see Cruze and Nathan Creed high fiving one another in the center of the ring before embracing with a hug. The footage cuts to Christian and Porno Lad gesticulating in front of the crowd, posing over the body of Orlando Cruze.

As the two chuckle diabolically the video cuts to Orlando being carried out of the building on a stretcher, his neck braced and his eyes devoid of life. There is a quick clip of Orlando standing in the center of the ring waving symbolically to his adoring audience.

Mayne: They’ve ended Orlando’s career…..career…..career…..

The diamond cutter is followed by the spike piledriver followed by Orlando being rolled up the ramp on a stretcher. The final shot is of Porno Lad and Christian Savior celebrating their actions.

OPENING VIDEO PACKAGE

RIOT!

A GAME OF CHANCE

Before the usual inane banter between Katie Steward and Billy Mayne or the expensive fireworks display Riot! kicks off in a far more epic fashion. The lights dim and a hush comes over the audience. The titantron suddenly goes static and this static starts to form a shape that all the audience recognizes.

The audience cheers thunderously as they recognize the face of Jason Zero. The face smiles before saying.

‘The Kingdom Of Old Is Dead.
The Order Has Fallen.
Now Is The Rise Of A New Kingdom…
Of Chaos’

The familiar electric guitar starts playing Crush 40’s ‘Knight of the Wind’ while every single fan of the proclaimed Crusader of Chaos holds up their lighters as a trap door opens from the stage ramp.

Wooaaah, Woooooah

Slowly, a large glass orb and two metal towers rise. We can see the silhouette of a man kneeling in that orb. As the lyrics start, he slowly rises out stretching his arms at a 45 degree angle.

Hey all (Hey all)
Welcome to the greatest storm.
I know, I know.
You have waited much too long
And I (And I)
I will be your shining star.
I’m here (I’m here)
You Better conquer fear or run!

Suddenly the two metal towers spring to life shooting bright purple and pink electricity at the orb. The man inside does not shy from this and within a few seconds the orb implodes, collapsing all around, leaving the man inside standing, exposed. To no one’s surprise, but to their delight, standing there is Jason Zero, is head to the sky, his eyes closed. Stepping to his side is Kassie Khane, World Title belt draped over her forearm and black sack dangling from her hand.

Billy: Ohhhh good gravy….

Katie: Terrific, it’s Jason “Gimmick Change” Zero.

Mayne: This is not the way you start off a wrestling show, with the World Champion. Why can’t we have the Five Star Society run out and beat up some midgets?

Steward: Because the IWC is lame, lamer than my lack of screen-time over on Breakdown.

Billy: That’s just criminal.

The new World Heavyweight Champion slips into the ring and sits on the middle rope in order to part it for Kassie. She wastes no time making her entrance, the World Title still glistening over her shoulder and the black sack dangling from her palm.

Mayne: What’s in that sack?

Katie: I’m assuming it’s Jason’s testicles.

No time is spent posturing or gesticulating for the crowd, Zero instead strolls right across the ring snaps his fingers for the microphone. One is deposited into his palm and drawn to his lips.

Zero: Loyalists, part time viewers, wrestling aficionados, tonight we find ourselves on the precipice of change. We stand on the doorstep of a new era…..

He slides the Championship off of Kassie’s shoulder and lifts it high above his head. Many of the fans give him a standing ovation as he draws attention to his victory last week.

Zero: For too long the door has been locked, but I, Jason Zero, held the key.

Billy: What…..the hell…..is he…..babbling about?

Steward: I’m not even bothering to listen. I’m sure it’s something quasi philosophical or metaphoric or whatever. Just watch me comb my hair.

Billy: Yay, this is the highlight of my week.

Zero drapes the World Title over his forearm and begins to pace.

Jason: Now the door is open and CHANGE has been UNLEASHED. The revolution, the Ragnarok is free.

Jason becomes a bit more reserved.

Zero: Three years, three years it took me to wade through the filth, the politics, the dredges of society in order to stand before you today the catalyst for change, THE World Heavyweight Champion!.....

The belt is raised aloft once more and the gesture is met with a rousing wave of applause.

Jason: The day I set foot in the IWC, my life became consumed with acquiring this trinket….

His eyes are drawn to the golden belt hanging from his forearm.

Zero:….and now that it’s finally in my possession, now that I proved them all wrong, all those who thought this would never happen, who lost faith in me, in the prospect of Jason Wheeler holding THIS BELT, I’ll continue to defy odds, I’ll continue to mystify and astound. The hunger for the World Title is never clinched, my appetite will always be ravenous. Now I must find bigger, bolder, riskier challenges to test my meddle. Challenges that will push me to higher levels, and elevate the lore of the IWC World Heavyweight Championship.

The fans are on board with this train of thought, their feet beneath them, their hands slapping together.

Jason: Which brings me to tonight, where in this ring I WILL push myself further than any World Champion ever did before me. I didn’t just come out here to preach, I came here with my boots laced, my wrists taped, and my body ready for competition. In just a few second I will defend my championship…..

Billy: BLUH?

Katie: Time out. What now?

Now the crowd has further cause for celebration. Kassie looks just as confident, if not more so than Jason, not questioning his motives or his sanity.

Zero: Not only will I put my belt on the line but I’ll allow fate to decide who will be granted the opportunity to take it. I have no idea, NO CLUE who I’ll be facing tonight….

Steward: Is it me? I really wish I would be told these things in advance, I need at least three hours to have my hair done and make up properly applied.

Jason: Like I said, I’m leaving it all up to fate. In just a moment I will BLINDLY reach into THIS sack….

Kassie lifts it into the air and actually shows it off like she were some type of Price Is Right model.

Zero:….which holds the names of every wrestler in the business today, and pull out just one. Just one name will be selected. That individual will come to this ring, help me elevate my game, and raise the prestige of this World Title belt.

Mayne: Did someone ingest large quantities of mushrooms today?

Steward: I was going to when I found out I’d be on commentary again.

Jason: I’m not here to blabber on and on about what this belt means to me, granted it means A LOT, I’m here for competition. Let’s find out WHO is going to give it to me.

Without delay Kassie opens the bag and Zero’s hand dives into it. Every eye attentively locks on the sack, waiting for that one name to be extracted. The unpredictability is killing them, some setting their hopes high, praying for a dream match up, while others are more reserved, fearing the worse. After what feels like an eternity of shuffling through the names Jason finally pulls a folded sheet of paper from the bag.

Zero: Care to do the honors?

The paper is handed to Kassie who unfolds it, looks less than thrilled then speaks directly into the microphone.

Kassie: The very first person, believe me, there will be more, to challenge Jason Zero for the World Heavyweight Title will be……..HURSE!

While many cheer, others can’t help but to feel shafted.

Mayne: Hurse? REALLY? Why?

Steward: What a, no pun intended, EPIC fail.

There is not even the slightest semblance of emotion in Jason’s face, leaving the crowd to wonder whether he’s thrilled, or disappointed. He stoically gazes towards the entry way while Kassie steps aside, taking the sack, the microphone and the World Heavyweight Title with her. As she departs, Zero straightens his elbow pads and prepares for what could potentially be a war over the Championship.

Billy: If I were Hurse I wouldn’t even bother to show up.

Steward: If I were Hurse I would have asphyxiated myself with a plastic bag years ago.

HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN

The moment the lyrics hit the PA system the crowd is roused from their apathy. In stark contrast to his appearance last week, tonight Hurse looks like he’s walking on clouds. A giant grin is stretched over his face. Where only a week ago his face was haggard and sullen now he’s brimming with energy, full of zest and life. Towards the ring Hurse swaggers. The thought of a World Title shot gives him the hope that he abandoned the moment he became Robin’s servant. He starts up the steps to the apron and trembles with emotion, not having felt glee in the longest, LONGEST time.

Steward: Why is he so happy? He has nothing to be happy about. For starters, he’s Hurse. And….well, that’s all I need to say.

Jason limbers up, preparing himself for whatever tactic Hurse may employ as he desperately tries to regain his stardom. The thrilled Hurse slips through the ropes, ready to take back his legacy, ready to show the world that he hasn’t lost his touch and that he is still a……

The Game

……hits the PA system and all the excitement is sucked out of the building. Every eye in attendance turns towards the entry way where a furious Robin Brooks now stands. With microphone in hand the knocked up Black Widow unleashes her fury verbally.

Brooks: No, NO, NOOOOOOOO….

She emphasizes her anger by stomping a foot on the stage, a symbolic gesture. Hurse lowers his head, chin once again touching chest, realizing that Robin has just put her foot down.

Robin: I don’t think so mister. I DID NOT give you permission to wrestle in a World Title match tonight. You should know better than to come out here thinking your gonna get a shot at the belt BEFORE you wrestle MY tag team match. This isn’t gonna happen, nope, no way Jose, this is off, Hurse get your ass back here and rub my feet.

She taps her toes impatiently to the stage and cruxes her arms.

Steward: You heard her.

Although he came so close, so very close to possibly recapturing his spark, Hurse finds himself yet again denied. With back slouched and head lowered, the crestfallen Parkwood beckons to his master’s command. The crowd may not like it but understand that Hurse is doing this to protect the safety of his unborn child. Yet they still can’t hold their tongues as they lash out at Brooks and the demoralized Hurse limping up the ramp.

Katie: So much for that.

Mayne: Robin is a true humanitarian. She just saved us from sitting through an entire Hurse match. Someone give her an award.

Jason Zero is understandably a bit vexed, lost as to what to do next. Before he can utter a word Kassie is already back in the squared circle, carrying all the items, most noticeably the sack. She forks over the microphone to Jason, who can now only shake his head over these events.

Zero: Well that was disappointing….

The crowd agrees.

Jason: How about we try this again? Hopefully the result will be something a bit less Jerry Springer inspired.

As the fans have a good chuckle Zero reaches into the sack and chances fate for a second time. The name is removed and after Jason has read it he cannot help but to twinge.

Billy: Oh wonderful, who did he select now? Mickey Roark? I just hope it turns out better than WrestleMania 25.

Katie: What is this WrestleMania you speak of? Some type of organized orgy?

Mayne: How can you be a wrestler and not know what WrestleMania is?

Steward: So what? It’s some kind of steroid? I don’t use drugs to be this awesome.

Jason gets over his surprise, at least long enough to make the announcement everyone is waiting for.

Zero: The disappointment never ends. Sadly I don’t think the wrestler I’ve selected is going to be here tonight, but I’m sure the two of us would put on an absolute classic if he were. I guess we’ll just have to wait until 2 For 1 Special to see it.

Billy: Out with it already.

Zero: The competitor I randomly selected is……Jake Starr.

The fans are on the verge of combusting at the mere thought of SCW World Champion going toe to toe with the IWC World Champion.

Zero: But, considering that he’s not here tonight, I’ll select another name from the sack until we find someone who is in the building and who is WILLING to test me…..

Just as he begins to toss the wadded up name of Jake Starr over his shoulder the house lights dim and two green spotlights shoot up the entrance way to the stage. “Sandstorm” by Darude hits and everyone goes bonkers.

The whole building has just come unglued. The walls and roof are almost blown apart at the sight of SCW World Champion Jake Starr moving through the curtains to the stage.

Steward: What is HE doing here with MY belt?

Billy: Uhhhhh I think I just dropped a deuce in my britches.

As the Manhattan Center shakes over the magnitude of Starr’s unexpected arrival, the SCW Champ embarks down the ramp. He spends little to no time showboating, looking strangely focused on his way to ring. A ring that holds the IWC Champion, Zero not quivering or backing up even an inch. He looks just as focused, just as unshakeable. Starr moves up the steps to the apron before slipping through the ropes, cracking a chestire grin and raising the SCW World Title belt high above his head.

Mayne: Are we really about to see this happen? I thought we had to wait till 2 For 1 Special.

Steward: Yes, I thought we wouldn’t have to endure this type of garbage for another whole two weeks.

The rabid fans watch on with their hearts pumping and pulse racing. Nobody expected this to happen, especially both Zero and Jake Starr, the very champions standing opposed within the confines of an IWC ring. Although Starr would probably take this moment to grandstand and hype this encounter, despite needing no hype, he just hands over the SCW World Title to the referee who has just slid into the ring. Princeton takes it and the IWC World Championship from a still confidant Kassie Khane.

Billy: I’m still….I’m kinda….how did this happen? We’re really going to see the SCW World Champion versus the IWC World Champion right here, right now!?!

Katie: This would be far more epic if I were holding the World Title, the belt I RIGHTFULLY won.

The anticipation builds as Jake Starr begins to limber up. Despite being dressed in his sweats, having shown up in the building unprepared to wrestle, he changes his plans on the fly, responding spontaneously to any challenge. Zero is just as unflinching. Although he had not planned on a challenge of this magnitude he is still gearing up, Kassie once again leaving his side. Princeton holds up the IWC World Heavyweight Title belt then deposits it at ringside. When he calls for the bell the fans almost burst.

Mayne: This is it, we’re gonna see it tonight, Goddess.

Steward: Are you actually excited over this?

Billy: Kinda, but then again I drank a whole gallon of Mountain Dew and took three ecstasy pills before the show, so I’m excited about anything right now. FYI, I can hear your thoughts.

Katie: Good, then listen.

Mayne: Ouch, that wasn’t very nice.

The bell continues to chime and the exhilarated fans stand at attention, watching as Jake Starr and Jason Zero begin to circle one another, looking to lock it up and duke it out. After thinking over their gameplans for a few moments they lunge forward and interlock arms, a collar elbow applied. They jockey for positioning but eventually push off, neither man getting the advantage.

Starr steps back and flexes his bicep, tapping it with one of his fingers and implying that he ate his spinach. To this gesture the crowd now has a mixed reaction. Their response drastically changes when Zero lifts a fist high above his head, getting the fans going yet again.

Billy: Is this going to be the whole match?

Steward: It’s better than watching either of them wrestle, believe me.

Billy: I always do.

Katie: Yes, it’s good that you follow me blindly.

Billy: I’d rather do it with eyes wide open so I can check out your rump.

Steward: That’s it, your wearing a blindfold around me for now on.

After some strategizing both men leap forward and interlock arms again, finding themselves in another collar elbow submission. Some fans are chanting Zero’s name while others chant for Starr, their loyalties split. As the two spiral across the ring still struggling to overcome one another with the collar elbow tie a loud commotion takes place on the stage.

Dan Douglas: SECURITY, SECURITY!!

Dan receives massive levels of heat as he storms to the stage shrieking into his microphone.

Mayne: If it isn’t my good old buddy Dan Douglas.

Steward: I don’t like him, the alliteration in his name repulses me.

Billy: I don’t like him either, mainly because you don’t like him.

Katie: Good Minion, good.

Dan’s presence is enough to distract Starr and Zero, both men taking their eyes off of one another and turning their attention to the entry way.

Douglas: Separate these two, separate them NOW!

Although Douglas has been rarely seen over the past few months, he proves as irritating as a pimple, popping up unexpectedly and causing much misfortune.

Dan: I’m not about to let either one of you ruin MY concept, ruin MY pay-per-view, and kill MY buy-rates. You’re gonna fight at 2 For 1 Special with two more competitors thrown in and your gonna like it! Why, because it was all MY idea and I’m not gonna let either one of you risk ruining MY….

To the disbelief of everyone in the building, the all too familiar entrance lyrics of one Sasha Drachewych filter in through the PA system.

Billy: Ohhhhh great….

Steward: Now the scrawny little mommy’s girl is coming out here? I hope to Goddess that some of these cheap IWC effects fall and crush her.

Mayne: I can arrange that.

Katie: We’ll talk later.

A cold shiver goes up Dan’s spine as he can feel the presence of SCW’s owner, Sasha Drachewych. There seems to be a strut to Sasha’s step as she moves through the curtain and is drowned in both cheers and boos. The crowd is quite vexed in regards to how to embrace SCW’s owner, some of the IWC loyalists disgusted that she’s setting foot in the Manhattan Center, on THEIR turf. She is unmoved by their response, her attention consumed by the sight of Douglas standing as stiff as a board, his heart in his throat.

Sasha: What was that, DAN? What was it I heard you say?

The unsettled Douglas timidly lifts the microphone to his lips.

Douglas: How much I adore your sparkling personality and…..

Sasha: Noooo, that isn’t it. Hmmm, I think you IMPLIED that 2 For 1 Special was all YOUR idea?

The IWC President regrets his poor choice of words.

Dan: Maybe 85% my idea and 15% your….

Sasha: Uh-huh? That’s strange Dan, because I seem to remember approaching you with this opportunity. I seem to distinctly remember the six hour meeting we had at SCW headquarters in which WE pieced together this radical new idea….

Douglas: True but…..

Sasha: No-no. And now it seems to me that you want all the publicity and all the credit.

Dan: Well don’t I deserve it?

Sasha: You know, I’m beginning to see why my father HATED working with you.

Douglas finally stops hiding his true emotions.

Douglas: Your father should be grateful I gave him a SECOND of my day….

Drachewych: I don’t care what you think of my father Dan. All I care about is making sure your ego and grandstanding doesn’t ruin one of the biggest nights in wrestling history. I want 2 For 1 Special to be a success, not some BS attempt to get your face on the news.

Dan: You listen here, lil’ girl….

The fans jump down Dan’s throat while Sasha just rolls her eyes at his comment and the finger wagging in her face.

Douglas: You’re in a big man’s world right now, so you had better watch your tone missy, before I slap you on the ass and send you off to fetch me a bearclaw and a coffee. Everyone knows that the whole 2 For 1 Special idea could have only come from the mind of a truly GIFTED booker. ME. It takes a MAN-SIZE brain to put together something so ground breaking honey, so REVOLUTIONARY!!!!

All Sasha can do is grin, having no response to Douglas’ delusions.

Sasha: Wow, just wow. I don’t even…..you know what, forget it. I just came here tonight when I heard Jake Starr was gonna be on hand to scout his opponents. I was just gonna keep him in line, make sure he didn’t ruin 2 For 1 Special….

Douglas: Good, I’m glad to hear that your menstrual flow doesn’t cloud your judgment.

Sasha: Hahahaha, oooooh Dan, you silly goose. Suddenly I don’t care what Jake does here tonight, in fact, I think it would be a BRILLIANT move to let these two wrestle.

Dan’s face goes white as snow.

Douglas: I won’t stand for it. This is MY company, I call the shots around here, and I’m ordering Jake Starr to get out of MY building before…..

Sasha: I think you’ve forgotten who you’re talking to, DAN. I’m in charge of THE biggest wrestling company on the globe, I could crush you like an ant under my heel.

The crowd respects Sasha for standing up to Douglas, but aren’t so quick to support her comments.

Sasha: Either Jake Starr and Jason Zero wrestle right now or I call off 2 For 1 Special.

Grins form on the faces of Jake Starr and Jason Zero, both men pleased that Douglas has been put in his place. The IWC President is now choking on his words, his eyes bulging out of their sockets as he hyperventilates. His hands reach into the remnants of his hair, tugging them between his fingers until he finally just cuts loose.

Douglas: FINE…fine, fine, fine-FINE-FINE-FINE!!

The emotional Douglas storms towards the backstage area, leaving in his wake two smirking champions, an amused SCW president and a roaring audience.

Drachewych: Well, make history boys.

Now its Sasha who departs, giving the stage to this historic IWC World Title bout.

Billy: Well, I guess we’re gonna see it. Sasha really is a man hater isn’t she?

Katie: She should hate men, have you met her father?

Billy: No, but I did buy his wig on E-Bay.

Now that the drama between Douglas and Sasha is out of the way, there is nothing to stand between the World Champions. The crowd settles in for what should an absolute in ring epic. Jake Starr hunkers down as does Zero, both men in almost a sumo stance. They tentatively reach out with their fingers, slowly interlocking them. They push forward into one another’s sternums, both men trying to get a decisive advantage.

Suddenly Starr twists around under Zero’s arm and applies an arm ringer submission. Kassie screams into the ring for Jason to do something and do it quickly. That’s when the defending Champion drops into a forward roll and ends up on his back. He then nips up to his feet, cartwheels across the canvas and reverses the arm ringer onto Starr. Jake twists just enough to reach out, grab the top rope and use it as a prop to back flip.

Mayne: Ohhh how I dread the feeling out period.

Katie: It’s excruciating, just like looking at your face. Why aren’t you wearing that paper bag I gave you.

Billy: I used it to patch my roof.

Starr lands on his feet, turns towards Zero and pulls him forward into a short arm clothesline. Zero ducks it, getting behind Jake, trapping his waist in his arms then setting up for a German suplex. Just then Jake powers backwards and drives Zero’s body into the turnbuckle. The moment that both men hit the corner a figure bolts through the curtains and hones in upon the ring. Although the individual is wearing all the familiar ring gear of a certain Rising Phoenix, one could speculate as to his true identity, given the fact that his head is wrapped in a “Zero” mask.

All conjecture as to this individual’s true identity is erased within seconds. Before anyone can respond Christian Savior is barreling across the canvas and diving forward with a spear. He drives his shoulder directly into Jake Starr’s stomach, forcing him into a collision with Zero in the corner. As a result of this blatant interference that inflicted damage on both men the referee is forced to throw the match out entirely.

Billy: Wow, 30 minutes of hype, five seconds of action. Oh well, I guess Christian Savior had to come out here and spare us the indignity of watching another Jason Zero match.

Steward: Jake Starr is no better, I have to wear a blindfold, ear plugs and a surgical mask just to make it through watching his matches.

Mayne: Really? Normally I just wear my speedo, sit on the couch, and eat some fondue while watching old matches.

Katie: Did you really need to put that image in my mind? Seriously?

Needless to none too thrilled over the way this confrontation just concluded. They watch with heavy hearts as the masked Christian stands up, takes Starr by the back of the head and flings him down towards the canvas. As Starr rolls across the ring Zero is left standing in the corner, in a prone position. Christian finds Zero’s posture more than agreeable, as it perfectly places him for an onslaught of stomps, knife edge chops and closed fists to the face. All the while Christian continues to wear the symbolic mask, the very one worn by his brother for so many months.

Billy: Christian beating down Zero, but I gotta question his fashion sense. That mask just doesn’t work for him.

Steward: Plus it probably smells like Jason’s head.

Mayne: Like cabbage?

Katie: How would you know what he smells like?

Billy: Ummm, uhhh, well I can assure you I wasn’t stealing hairs from his comb backstage or anything. That would be weird, wouldn’t it?

Christian continues to unload on Zero, ruining his inaugural World Title match and torturing him physically after all psychological warfare over the past few weeks. Savior gets a running start and drives his knee directly into Zero’s temple, knocking him to his seat, still propped up by the corner.

Finally Savior steps back and rips the mask off of his head. He spits on the leathery material then drops down and rubs it Jason’s face. Eventually he tries to stuff the mask down his brother’s throat, all the while screaming at him like a lunatic.

Savior: You couldn’t let me be, could you? You couldn’t let me have success? COULD YOU!?! You just couldn’t support me for ONCE!?!

Foam is forming at the lips of the former 2 time World Heavyweight Champion. Last week he ended the career of Orlando Cruze, now he seems intent on doing the same thing to his own brother.

Christian: I’m gonna make sure you can never tear me down again you putrid afterbirth!

His fist connects forcefully against Zero’s forehead. He pulls back his knuckles once again only to have his wrist caught. In shock Christian spins around, finding himself looking up at a vengeful Jake Starr.

Mayne: HEY! Unhand him you SCW scallywag.

Steward: I’ll just pretend you actually called him something that makes sense.

Christian is forced up to his feet and spun around right into a soccer style buzzsaw kick directly to his sternum. Starr has taken Savior to his back and now proceeds to lay into him with both feet stomping away.

Billy: AHHHH. Where is the rest of the Five Star Society, why aren’t they out here helping Christian?

Steward: I would help him, but then who would be the color commentator? They’d have to put Mark Comeau back out here….

Mayne: Please Goddess no.

Steward: Yes, I wouldn’t want to risk the safety of all those operating heavy machinery at home.

The crowd is absolutely elated as Starr continues to put both boots to the Rising Phoenix. This onslaught continues while Kassie is screeching at Zero to get up and do something. The blows to the head leave Jason incapable of capitalizing on this brawl, far too dazed to even think clearly. Unfortunately for the SCW World Champion he’s far too preoccupied with Savior, leaving him completely unaware of the trio now bolting towards the ring.

Mayne: And this just got even worse.

Steward: WHY!?! Do I have a pimple?

Billy: Erm, no.

Katie: Oh, don’t scare me like that.

Jackson Adams, Riggs and Psycho slide into the ring, the trio going right after Starr. Before Jake even realizes what’s happening, he’s being spun by the shoulder into a shot to the jaw with the N.H.B Title belt. Riggs has leveled Jake as a result….wait, he missed. Starr ducked the belt and now Riggs is left to spin around and receive a series of vicious chops across the chest.

Mayne: No, Riggs overshot him. Why must these SCW wrestlers be such a nuisance?

Katie: Ahem?

Billy: Well, SCW wrestlers with the exception of anyone named Katie Steward.

Katie: That’s better.

The beating that Starr is giving the Painted Warrior is cut short thanks to the vicious forearm from Psycho to Jake’s upper back. The SCW Champ is brought to his knees where he’s quickly kicked to the temple with a running boot. Jackson has left Jake sprawled across the canvas and defenseless. However, neither Adams, Psycho or Riggs are concerned with SCW’s biggest representative; their focus is instead turned towards Jason Zero.

Despite Kassie yanking on Zero’s wrist from the outside of the ring nothing can budge him. He is all but dead weight, a human punching bag for the vindictive N.H.B Champion and his cohorts. Riggs takes the top rope and begins to drive his boot over and over again into Jason’s sternum, Kassie forced to watch on shrieking at ringside.

Billy: They don’t want Starr, they want Zero. He’s supposed to face Adams later tonight in a tag match, and let’s not forget that he cost Riggs the X-Class Title several weeks ago. All that stemming from a very long rivalry between these two men.

Riggs now grabs Zero’s bangs, yanking him out of the corner and trapping his arms behind his back. Now Jason has absolutely zero, pun intended, defense against the series of right hands and kicks delivered from both Psycho and Adams in tandem. That’s when to a loud pop AWOL comes barreling down the ramp and sliding into the ring. The Big Crazy Bastard wastes no time in getting some retribution. Adams spots him from the corner of his eye, prompting the Submission Champion to charge in and receive a violent boot right to the skull.

Mayne: What? ARGH! Why does AWOL have to pick NOW to get his revenge? Doesn’t he realize what a clusterfuck he’s turning this into?

Steward: I think everyone on the IWC roster loooooves clusterfucks.

At the sight of Adams hitting the canvas, Riggs and Psycho take up the fight for their fallen teammate. Both men charge at AWOL only to be taken down with a stereo diving shoulder block from the Big Crazy Bastard. The duo hits the ring and AWOL lands right between them. It doesn’t take long for him to reach his feet and go right after Psycho. The Sadistic One reaches his feet and now mentor and pupil are exchanging shots.

Mayne: This is chaos, PURE CHAOS! Did I oversell it enough?

Steward: You oversold it quite nicely. I’d pat you on the head but I didn’t bring any hand sanitizer.

Adams and Riggs are now getting involved in the fisticuffs yet again. They throw themselves into AWOL, hitting him from both sides and bringing him down to a knee. Riggs, Adams and Psycho now begin pulverizing the big man, hitting forearms, punches, jabs, everything. They make him pay for the many months that he led them on and his refusal to join their cause. The three on one mugging persists until Simon Cagero, Too Magnificent and Johnny Kingdom come barreling down the ramp.

Mayne: Here comes the rest of the Empire and the MOUSA now. This is turning into a pier 6 donnybrook. I have no idea what the hell I just said.

Steward: Which is why I avoid listening to you at all cost.

The trio slides into the ring and Kingdom immediately comes to blows with Adams. Both men go back and forth exchanging right hands while Simon and Riggs pick up where they left off in 2009. Too Magnificent goes straight after Psycho and now they’re trading shots.

Billy: Security had better do something about this before this brawl reaches our announce table and Katie has to use me as protective human shield. I’ll just lay right on top of her like a protective vest.

Katie: I think not.

Billy: No, no, I’m willing to make this sacrifice for the greater good.

Steward: I have nails and I’m not afraid to dig them into important parts of your anatomy, Minion.

As if this brawl weren’t big enough now the Five Star Society rushes from the back in mass and adds to the insanity. Paris Dannon, Autumn Daniels, Katelyn Buehler, BFG and Ace Marshall all slip in under the ropes and throw themselves into this gang war. The ring is full of flying bodies, flying fists and absolute, outright chaos. And now the SCW and IWC World Champions simultaneously get involved.

Jake grabs Paris by the wrist and pulls her into a straight right hand under the jaw. Meanwhile Zero has gotten hold of Riggs, both men going back and forth with one another. Security finally has no other alternative but to get involved, a mob of brightly clad guards barreling down the ramp.

Mayne: What the hell took these guys so long? They should have come out when Dan told them to and not a second later. Is steam coming out of my ears?

Steward: No, but there are fumes coming from your mouth I’d like to avoid.

Security rushes into the ring and desperately tries to separate everyone as this chaotic brawl continues to spiral further and further out of control.

Billy: Can security get everyone detained? Can they restore some order here?

Katie: The only thing they should be concerned with is my protection and my protection alone.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

\

Live on Pay-Per-View

AWOL VS. RIGGS VS. CHRISTIAN SAVIOR
WORLD TITLE CONTENDERSHIP

Riot! returns just in time to capture AWOL pulling Riggs off of a turnbuckle, rushing across the ring and delivering a vicious muscle buster. A very groggy Christian is seated in the corner, watching all of this through a set of dazed eyes.

Mayne: Riot!, a Five Star Society production, is back live and during the commercial break, referee Chester Princeton officially started this triple threat match. The winner goes on to fill the final spot in the 4 Way Main Event at 2 For 1 Special.

Katie: A 4 way that couldn’t possibly disinterest me any further if it featured Lenne Perez and Stacy Kissinger. Oh wait, it probably would disinterest me more then.

Mayne: Well security was able to get things under control, removing all outside parties and ensuring that it will just be these three going at it. I think its safe to say that we’re all in agreement that Dan was 100% right when he ordered an end to the IWC World Title match, all it did was lead to chaos.

The fans are still all fired up, highly emotional over the way that tonight’s show just commenced and built seamlessly into this intense three way. After hitting a particularly nasty muscle buster AWOL floats over into the lateral press. The referee slips into position, hand slapping the canvas and already bringing this bout to an end.

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Christian dives out of the corner and drives his forearms across the back of AWOL’s head, the pin being broken up as a result.

Mayne: Oh thank you Christian, thank you, thank you!

Steward: You should thank me as well.

Mayne: Thank you Goddess.

Katie: Good, but do it with more enthusiasm next time.

A frustrated AWOL rolls away from the pin and to his feet, turning to face the meddlesome Savior. The barely coherent Savior props himself up in a corner, seated at trying to recover from the brawl pre-match. What Christian doesn’t realize is that he’s put himself directly in AWOL’s line of fire. The Tag Team Champion spins around to face his seated prey, prompting to charge in and go for the face wash.

At the last second Christian scoots out of the way and AWOL’s leg ends up flying through the ropes. The Rising Phoenix then leaps to his feet and into the air behind his rival, catching him by the chin and pulling him down into a reverse neckbreaker.

Mayne: Good work Christian, good work. Just do more of that.

A battered AWOL rolls under the ropes to the apron while Savior sluggishly gets to his feet still within the ring. He now crouches, eyes locking on target. In the middle of the squared circle Riggs is valiantly fighting his way upward. He gets one knee beneath him and almost loses his balance, suffering the ill-effects of that jarring muscle buster.

Despite his light headedness and loss of equilibrium, Riggs reaches his feet just as Savior comes barreling across the ring, looking for the Blaze of Glory Spear. To a loud pop Riggs leaps into the air, flying over top of Christian, catching him around the waist and countering the spear into a sunset flip.

Steward: Oh don’t tell me Pennywise the Clown is gonna win this. Isn’t it bad enough that he inflicted so much childhood trauma on me?

The referee drops into position and slaps the canvas.

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Christian kicks out, rolling over backwards and landing on his knees. Riggs does the same but lands on his feet, allowing him to quickly charge in, leaping high into the air for the shinning wizard. Christian ducks his head avoiding the blow and causing Riggs to land on his feet behind him.

Riggs staggers forward into the ropes which AWOL is standing on the opposite side of. He grabs the bangs of his opponent and gives him a stiff headbunt. The collision of skull versus skull leaves AWOL a bit loopy and sends Riggs stumbling backwards into Christian’s waiting arms. He hooks the biceps of his opposition and pulls him down into the backslide pin.

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Riggs gets a shoulder up, preventing defeat just barely.

Mayne: Dammit, dammit, dammit…..

Steward: Calm yourself Minion, your starting to irritate me.

Mayne: Starting to?

Katie: Well, starting to irritate me MORE.

The disgruntled Savior races to his feet, turns and barrels straight towards AWOL who yanks himself over the ropes into a flying shoulder block. His maneuver connects, taking Christian down with the Big Crazy Bastard landing directly beside him.

AWOL leaps to his feet and without delay launches a snot wad from his nostril directly into his opponent’s face. Christian rolls across the canvas swiping his palms at his hands, feeling thoroughly violated. All the while AWOL’s back is directed towards Riggs, who takes advantage of this predicament. The Painted Warrior rushes across the ring and dives into a shoulder block right to the crease of his opponent’s knee.

Mayne: Excellent, excellent work Riggs. It’s good to see that his talents extend beyond using paint by the numbers on his face.

Katie: I think I’ve seen better face-paint in a 99 cent Halloween costume kit.

Billy: I guess Riggs is a very frugal individual.

Shockwaves of pain course throughout AWOL’s now elevated leg. He rests on his back gripping at his knee and desperately trying to remove the brace wrapped around it. Riggs hones in on the injury. Before he can even balance himself he’s already stomping repeatedly at the knee, trying to break down the cartilage inside of it. He now rolls AWOL to his stomach and grips his ankle before elevating his leg up into the air and dragging it down knee first into the canvas.

AWOL grimaces from the pain and reaches for his leg but it’s still trapped in the ankles of his Painted opponent. Once again Riggs lifts the leg into the air and drags AWOL’s knee directly into the ring. The Tag Team Champion rolls to his back and tries to block the agony flowing from his limb.

Mayne: Riggs doing something smart, try not to gasp Goddess.

Steward: That’s asking a little much.

Mayne: He’s staying on the leg which pretty much cuts off ALL of AWOL’s hard hitting moves.

Katie: You want to see something really hard hitting, look at Blake Mason’s face, it’s the equivalent of taking a punch in the stomach.

Riggs is about to go back to work on the arm before Savior steps in and lights up his chest with a knife edge chop followed by a jab to the jaw. The strikes almost take Riggs down but somehow he plants his feet on the canvas and refuses to go over. He then delivers a strike of his own in the form of an open hand palm strike straight to Savior’s chest. Christian grimaces and turns away, a red streak left on his flesh as a result.

As the two continue exchanging strikes, AWOL slowly ascends to his feet. He is finally able to reach his feet albeit hobbling slightly. Despite his injury AWOL is still determined to inflict punishment. Unfortunately his opponents are not about to let him fulfill his sadistic fantasies. To the shock of everyone in the building, Savior and Riggs actually interlock hands, barrel across the ring and deliver a double chop block to the crease of AWOL’s banged up wheel.

Mayne: Look at this, Riggs and Savior working together for like the first time EVER. This is more magical than when Skeletor and He-Man had to do the whole tag team thing to save Eternia.

Katie: It’s like your speaking French to me right now.

Mayne: I could speak French if you wish, after all, French is the language of love.

To the dismay of the crowd AWOL is again on his back, hands interlocked around his swollen kneecap. Even though he may have torn ligaments he’s already starting towards his feet. That’s before Riggs AND Christian go to work on the leg yet again, both men stomping at it this time. This team effort abruptly ends though, when Riggs reaches out, grabs hold of Christian and scoops him up into the air.

He now scoop slams him directly on top of AWOL’s knee. The crowd squeals and the Tag Champion groans as he grabs his leg and rolls across the canvas, eventually finding himself on the apron.

Savior however, wasn’t fortunate enough to distance himself from the Painted Warrior. He sits up bowing his back and biting his lower lip as Riggs flips over him into a neck whip. The whiplash causes Christian to fall onto his spine, in perfect placement from Riggs, who reaches his feet, rushes at the cables and leaps from the middle one into a moonsault. He crashes down right on top of Savior’s sternum and then falls into the lateral press.

Steward: Well, I think the buyrates for 2 For 1 Special just went in the crapper.

Billy: Much like my career when I was replaced by the biggest bimbo since Kelly Bundy.

Katie: Mike Adamle? Wait, why do I even know that name?

Riggs has the leg hooked and seems to be on his way to the pay-per-view. The official slips into position, hand slapping the canvas and drawing a conclusion to what has been a very exhilarating contest thus far.

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The fans find themselves distraught when Christian’s shoulder evades the canvas, kicking out mere seconds before the three.

Mayne: Shew, that was TOO close.

An extremely aggravated Riggs leads Savior up to his feet, applies the front chancery and then snaps back into the vertical suplex. Christian is driven forcefully against the ring but has only experienced but a taste of the agony Riggs is about to serve. He maintains the front chancery and now swings his hips, pulling Christian along as both men reach their feet.

At this point Christian is hoisted into the air and driven down face first into the ring with an inverted suplex/face buster combination.

Billy: Oh ouch. If he did any damage to that face then I can just imagine the blow to our female demographic.

Steward: As if women watched this show. I’m a woman, and the commentator, and I don’t even watch it.

The force of his collision with the ring sends Christian flipping to his back, where he’s prone and anticipating the next move from the N.H.B Champion. Riggs slides through the ropes to the apron, starts across it and moves up the turnbuckle to the very top rope. The crowd watches on pins and needles as Riggs takes flight, flipping forward into the very same senton bomb that he used on Simon Cagero oh so frequently. This time his senton bomb backfires though, his spine connecting directly with the raised knees of the Rising Phoenix.

Mayne: Another close call, but this time Christian was his own….Savior…..Hahahaha, see what I did there with the word play and Savior’s last name and…..

Steward: Don’t make me beat you senseless.

Riggs reaches for his kidneys, which may have been burst like water balloons as a result of his botched landing. The aggravated Warrior rolls to his knees, painstakingly rising to his feet when Christian suddenly steps in, traps his head with the front chancery and prepares for the implant DDT. Just before he can seal Riggs’ fate, Christian’s legs are swept out from under him and he’s sent crashing to his back. Riggs flips forward into the jackknife cover.

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Christian not only kicks out but he wraps his arms around Riggs’ waist and bridges both of their bodies from the canvas. They reach their feet and Savior immediately turns Riggs into a front chancery, once again looking for the implant DDT. He grabs the tights and hoists Riggs up into the air only for him to shift his body weight and come back down on his feet.

Riggs now spins out of the front chancery, takes Savior by the wrist and pulls him forward into a short arm clothesline. Unfortunately he gets caught across the sternum, Christian ducking the lariat and pulling him down into a STO back breaker across his elevated knee.

Mayne: Now that was just magical.

Steward: Much like my eyes.

Christian immediately stands up and pulls Riggs to his feet, on the verge of delivering yet another painful maneuver. His plans are derailed however, when AWOL comes hobbling across the canvas and leaping forward into a huge STO takedown. In the process of pulling Christian over backwards into the spine jarring maneuver, Savior yanks Riggs down face first into the canvas with the downward spiral.

A loud, LOUD pop is heard from the Manhattan Center faithful at the sight of this combination of moves.

Billy: Well, at least that wasn’t all bad for Christian.

Steward: But it looks like this is about to be.

The chain of moves leaves Riggs and Christian lying side by side, exposed to AWOL’s pending attack. The hobbling big man slips through the ropes and approaches the turnbuckle, immediately starting up it. He fights through the pain before reaching the top rope and taking flight. The crowd erupts as AWOL crashes down onto both Savior and Riggs with a big awesome splash.

The Big Crazy Bastard finds himself sprawled over the chests of both opponents, the referee making the count.

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The Rising Phoenix and Painted Warrior simultaneously kick out, avoiding defeat.

Mayne: Alright, that one caused my heart to skip a beat, I thought AWOL almost had it.

Katie: Which is a good reason I brought my vomit bag with me.

Mayne: Really, where is it?

Steward: It’s sitting on my left wearing a smelly Awesome Possum t-shirt and blue jeans.

Billy: Hey, what a coincidence, I’M wearing an Awesome Possu……wait a minute.

Needless to say AWOL isn’t happy with the cadence of the referee’s count. He limps to his feet and picks his target. Riggs is already rolling towards his feet, prompting AWOL to single him out with forearm strikes and punches across the forehead.

Each blow knocks away a little more paint and knocks Riggs in the direction of a nearby turnbuckle. He finally falls against the post before AWOL takes him by the wrist and whips him off across the ring. He then follows him in, unaware that Riggs has countered by stepping up the ropes of the diagonal corner and then flipping over backwards into a whisper in the wind. Luckily for AWOL he spots the airborne body of Riggs just in time to drop down out of the way. As a result his opponent goes sailing over him and eventually crashes right into a now upright Christian Savior. Both men hit the canvas with Riggs’ back colliding with Christian’s chest and the fans exploding.

Mayne: That wasn’t supposed to happen.

Steward: Neither was your birth, but even though the abortion failed here you sit.

Billy: Luckily my mother didn’t have very much experience guiding a wire hanger through a birth canal.

Those packed into the Manhattan Center are all fired up, palms slapping the barricades and feet stomping against the concrete. This non-stop action has their hearts beating so quick they threaten to explode within the confines of their chests. AWOL painstakingly reaches his feet, still hobbling as he approaches the crouched Riggs.

He reaches out, grabs some of his hair and uses it to yank him up to his feet. That’s when the N.H.B Champ steps forward and hits an inside leg trip, taking AWOL over to his back. With as much speed as his weary body can muster Riggs grabs the opposite leg of the Tag Team Champion and then turns him over to his stomach, applying a modified Boston Crab.

Riggs actually sits across the crease of AWOL’s knee, putting even more pressure on the submission.

Billy: We may very well be the first people to EVER witness AWOL submit.

Steward: Sorry, don’t see that as much of an epic event.

AWOL slides his palms down his shaking head, his whole face twisted with pain yet he refuses to tap out, to give in. Riggs rears back even further on the ankle and shin, almost snapping the knee at this point. The determined AWOL digs his fingernails into the canvas and begins dragging himself across the ring towards the ropes.

Mayne: He’s getting there, he’s getting there, there’s still hope for Savior in this match after all. For once I’m actually hoping AWOL doesn’t suck.

Steward: That’s like asking Stacy Kissinger not to be a slut.

Every fan in attendance is rallied behind AWOL, trying to rev him up, trying to motivate him to push onward and grab the ropes. AWOL could give two shits about the reaction from the fans, far more obsessed with not tapping out to the man who double crossed him last week. His hand extends towards the ropes, fingers mere inches from the cable. The fans begin to cheer, believing AWOL has reached the ropes only for him to suddenly be dragged back across the ring.

Riggs pulls AWOL a few feet from the cables and sits down on the knee yet again.

Mayne: Alright, tap out AWOL. If Christian isn’t going to win this match I’d rather Riggs win it then you.

The Big Crazy Bastard slips his trembling fingers over his bald, sweaty scalp. Every inch of his body is tensed as Riggs warps and works over his leg. Hope is fading, the longer AWOL is trapped in this submission, the closer he comes to indulging this pain for the very first time in his wrestling career.

The crowd is actually shocked as his palm opens up and elevates above the canvas. It seems that he’s just about to submit before he slams his fingers into the canvas and bucks up, once again trying to reach the ropes. It’s at this point that AWOL is spared any further grief by an unlikely source. Savior staggers in, the Cartel Champion trapping the distracted Riggs’ head in a front chancery, then hoisting him up into the implant DDT.

Riggs is dropped right on top of his head, his body flipping over as he now lies on his back.

Billy: ALRIGHT. He finally hit it.

Steward: It had better have won him this match, I’m growing bored.

Mayne: Would you like me to flex my pecs in rhythm to a Ozzy Osbourne tune?

Steward: That does not count as entertainment in my book, and you need pecs in order to flex them.

The Five Star Society members has this match well within his grasp. He slithers into the pain, throwing all his weight over Riggs’ sternum as the official drops down and makes the count.

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NO! Riggs gets his shoulder up, DETERMINED to be entered into that four way World Title match at 2 For 1 Special.

Mayne: Damn him, damn him damn him damn him!

Much like Billy, Christian is airing his frustrations. He slaps the canvas with both hands, bitching and whining as he reaches his feet. Before he can even argue with the official his trap is shut via a straight right hand to the lips. AWOL is pushing past the pain in his leg as he delivers another punch, and then another. Each straight jab has Savior back peddling.

He looks absolutely stunned as these strikes continue with rabid ferocity from his vicious opponent. Finally AWOL pulls his head back and launches it directly into Christian’s face, taking him down to the canvas. Savior then rolls across the ring and reaches his feet as AWOL grabs him by the wrist, pulling him forward into a knee to the ribs.

Once he’s got Christian bent forward there is nothing stopping AWOL from stepping behind the Rising Phoenix, pulling his arm between his legs and setting up for the Daisy Cutter.

Mayne: No, no no, no no no no no.

Steward: Mimicking your prom date?

AWOL hoists Christian into the air amongst the squeals from the crowd. He is right on the verge of delivering the Daisy Cutter only to have Savior slip up and over his shoulder. He slides right down AWOL’s back and lands behind him. Clearly AWOL isn’t thinking clearly, making a brash decision as he spins around just in time for Christian to deliver the Code Breaker.

He wedges his knees into AWOL’s sternum and drops back only to be shoved off. As a result Christian is sent traveling spine first into the canvas, hitting the ring with tremendous force then popping back up to his seat.

Billy: Ohhhhh no, that couldn’t have helped Christian’s injured head.

Christian grabs at his throbbing temples and rolls to his elbows and knees, trying to FORCE his way up from the canvas. After pushing his opponent off AWOL has fallen backwards into the ropes, utilizing the cables to maintain his weight. He tries to shake off the damage done to his leg as he takes a step forward towards his crawling opposition. His plans are derailed when Riggs rushes across the ring, steps off of Christian’s back and launches himself into a crossbody. He connects right across AWOL’s sternum, knocking him backwards into the ropes and sending them both flipping over to the outside of the ring.

Mayne: Riggs going kamikaze.

Steward: Awww, don’t tease me like that, I had my hopes set so high, I thought he actually did kill himself.

Billy: Sorry.

AWOL plummets to the outside of the ring, crashing across the outside mats while Riggs somehow ends up on the apron. The hyperventilating N.H.B Champion is stretched across his back, his body very badly banged up by this hard fought bout in combination with the title match he competed in last week.

In spite of the many career shortening moves he’s suffered here tonight, AWOL is already limping back to his feet. He grabs the barricade and utilizes it as a crutch in which to reach his feet. He puts both boots beneath him and all his weight on the barrier until he can work the kinks out of his knee. The exasperated big man finally gets his second wind, starting towards the ring only to find himself snagged on something.

He takes another step but can’t move an inch, his wrist caught on the barrier. The confused Champion turns and finally spots the cuff wrapped around his wrist and attached to the steel barricade. His face goes as red as a tomato.

Mayne: What the hell? Is AWOL handcuffed to the barricade?

Steward: It’s about time someone restrained that hideous lunatic, now quick, lock him in a cellar so we never have to see that face again.

Billy: Who….whoa, whoa, wait, wait….

AWOL didn’t even feel the cuff slapping around his wrist, nor did he see the individual in the crowd responsible for his predicament. The fans in the front row all turn towards a hooded individual backing away from the barrier, he even drawls the gaze of the animalistic AWOL. Before long the hood is pulled back and the face of Josh Hudson is revealed.

Mayne: HEY it’s Hudson, JOSH HUDSON from SCW!

Steward: First Starr, then Hud….wait, wait, first ME, because I’m always first, then Jake Starr, and now HUDSON!?! I thought we had to wait two more weeks before 2 For 1 Special.

Billy: Why did he just handcuff AWOL to the barricade? What are his motivations?

Without even a semblance of emotion on his stoic face Josh watches AWOL frantically and urgently tug on the handcuff. Without uttering a word Hudson back peddles, listening to the boos from the crowd and the threats spewing forth from AWOL between AWOL’s lips. As Josh becomes enveloped in the crowd AWOL turns towards some of the ringside photographers and camera-men, barking orders at them.

AWOL: Where’s the key!?! Someone get me a fucking key!

Mayne: I don’t believe my own two eyes…..

Steward: Yes, I really am this gorgeous.

Billy: Of course, but I’m talking about Josh Hudson. In a completely unprovoked act he just cuffed AWOL to the barricade, and may have just cost him the number one contendership. Then he just left, he just walked away like it was nothing.

Steward: After a while you just kind of give up wondering why Josh Hudson does the things he does.

As AWOL wedges his foot to the barricade and uses it as leverage to push himself back the action has not stopped in the ring. Riggs rises to his feet, watching AWOL’s plight with a huge grin on his face before he turns back towards the ring. Inside Christian is still struggling to reach his feet, his back and his head in significant amounts of pain. He’s just stood up when Riggs takes advantage, leaping to the top rope and then taking flight across the ring.

As Riggs sails towards his opponent Christian shocks him and the world by leaping into the air and catching the Painted Warrior with the Code Breaker.

Mayne: WHOOOOOAAA!

The jaws of all those in the Manhattan Center drop as Riggs stands up straight, eyes glassed over, brain devoid of cognitive thought. After a few second he timbers over to the canvas and Christian crawls into the cover. He hooks both legs while the referee slips into position, slapping the canvas.

Billy: This could be it, this could be it. Christian could be the new number one contender.

The official’s hand slaps the canvas with the crowd jeering loudly.

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All those in the Manhattan Center groan and grimace as Christian rises to his seat and pumps his fists high above his head.

Mayne: YES, YES, YEEEEESSS!

Katie: Mimicking your cousin?

Billy: How many times do I have to say it? SECOND cousin. That makes it legal. And our fornication was almost as great as watching Christian win the final spot in the four way at 2 For 1 Special. Christian Savior is gonna challenge for the IWC and SCW Heavyweight Title!

Steward: Contain yourself, Minion. You screeching offends my gorgeous ears.

Savior stands up but almost looses his footing as he lifts both arms into the air, celebrating despite his fatigue.

Mayne: He’s going to 2 For 1 Special, he’s going after that World Heavyweight Title, he’s going after Jason Zero!

Steward: I still think it would be better if I were added into the title match.

Billy: Maybe the booking committee will come to their senses.

Katie: I’m not setting my hopes very high.

As Savior celebrates his epic victory, AWOL is still valiantly fighting with the handcuffs outside of the ring. He yanks on the chain but it will not break, forcing his whole body to shiver with rage. Savior falls into the ropes and leans against them with a huge smile cutting across his face. The diabolical Rising Phoenix taps his finger to his temple and now chuckles, realizing that he played all the right cards and is now on his way to a title match on one of the biggest nights in wrestling history.

HIDDEN AGENDA

A stretch hummer, yes, a stretch limo wouldn’t be nearly epic enough, comes to a full stop inside of the parking facility. Luckily the camera is positioned just right to catch the license plate where the words “Epic Fail” are written in bright red lettering. This phrase is a clear cut signifier of the elaborate vehicle’s owner. All doubt is erased when the doors open and out steps Porno Lad, trailed by his wife Kitty Buehler.

Porno Lad: Can you feel it, Kitty, can you FEEL IT!?!

Kitty: Right here, in the parking lot?

She looks around nervously to make sure nobody is watching.

Kitty: Okay, maybe real quick.

Much to Porno Lad’s surprise Kitty is reaching for his lower extremities. What’s even more surprising is the fact that he’s batting her hands away.

Porno Lad: Thanks for the offer doll, but we’ve got business.

Kitty: Who are you and what have you done with my Ethan?

Porno Lad: Oh believe me, I’ll be taking you up on your offer the second we get to my lockeroom, but how bout we deal with our special guests first?

All Kitty can do is shrug and nod, complacently following orders for once.

Porno Lad: Gentlemen, gentlemen, the coast is clear, you can come out now.

He gestures by swiping his arm through the air until two individuals come sliding out of the limo. They make sure to hold blankets over their heads and faces, obscuring their true identities.

Porno Lad: Kitty, take our friends to the Five Star Society’s lockeroom and do it quick!

Kitty: Follow me.

The two mystery men trail behind Buehler as they move towards the entrance. They leave Porno Lad behind with a huge grin stretching across his face. He’s no longer able to contain his excitement, slapping both palms together and erupting with elation.

Porno Lad: This night is gonna be EPIC!!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The lights in the arena start to flash, as a booming voice comes over the speaker system.

Voice: RAGNAROK IS ABOUT TO COME....

The commercial kicks in, showing Zeus about to throw a lightening bolt to the earth.

Voice: THERE IS ONLY ONE THING THAT WILL STOP IT!

The camera moves around Zeus, to see a half naked woman behind him.

Voice: BUT THAT IS NOT ALL!

A big censored sign is shown on the video tron, as a woman's voice comes over the speakers.

Woman: Uhhhhh... Ohhhh... Right there.... Mmmmmm... Yeah.... Fuck.... Uhhhh!

The commercial again shows Zeus with a big smile on his face.

Voice: AND JUST LIKE THAT, THE WORLD IS SAVED

The lights return to normal, as the commercial fades out.

“BAD” BILLY MITCHELL VS. JESSICA RAINES

Mayne: Who was that? Who just showed up with Porno Lad and Kitty Buehler, who, WHO!?!

Katie: Quit nudging me with your elbow, I don’t know.

The lights of the arena begin to dim, drawing the attention of the crowd just as the faint howl of a distant wind begins to sweep through the speakers. High above the stage, the massive video-screen begins to glow a dull gold as the image brightens to reveal a setting sun. The slow opening chords to AC/DC’s “Shoot to Thrill” begin to echo through the speakers, drawing a few rousing cheers from the now-anxious fans, as the image on the screen pulls back to reveal a faded ‘Wanted’ poster nailed to a tree. Another guitar chord plays as the scene pushes in, revealing the wanted man as “Bad” Billy Mitchell. With the music building in the background, the Mitchell on the poster suddenly turns to face the crowd, his lips twisting into a brazen smirk as he lifts a gun-shaped hand to his lips and blows, causing the lights to cut out instantly.

PULL THE TRIGGER!!!!!

Rapid gunshots echo through the arena, the sounds booming in the speakers as bullet holes appear in the black screen, slowly spelling out the word “BAD”. One final shot causes the image to shatter like glass, the pieces falling away to reveal a fast-cut montage of Mitchell in past matches, celebrating with the crowd, or putting opponents away with the ‘Silver Bullet’. An eruption of silver-white pyrotechnics rips up through the stage, silhouetting the “American Outlaw” as he’s catapulted into the air through a hole in the steel, sending the already roaring crowd into a frenzied ovation. Picking up in the middle of the chorus, “Shoot to Thrill” thunders at full volume as the lights return in dazzling strobes and spotlights of gold. Still standing at center-stage, Mitchell spins in place a few times while throwing his arms out wide, causing the duster to billow around him. Planting his feet, he stops short and cocks one hand like a six-gun, slapping at the thumb while firing up into the rafters, causing small pyrotechnic explosions with each ‘shot’, sending the sparks raining down onto the fans. Finally bringing the ‘gun’ up to his lips, he blows the smoke off the barrel and slowly starts to lope down the ramp.

Shoot to Thrill
Play to Kill
Too many women
With too many pills, yeah!

Shoot to Thrill
Play to Kill
I got my gun at the ready
Gonna’ fire at will, yeah!

I’m gonna’ take you down
Oh, down, down, down
So don’t you fool around
I’m gonna’ pull it
Pull it…

PULL THE TRIGGER!!!!!

Moving from one side of the ramp to the other, Mitchell slaps at every single hand he sees, before making his way to one of the young women at ringside and crooking his finger, prompting her to lean over the guardrail. Looking to either side, Mitchell pulls his hat off and slips it on the woman’s head while leaning in and pressing a slow, sultry kiss onto her lips, drawing catcalls and wolf whistles from the rest of the crowd. Breaking away, Mitchell fans himself a little and clasps at his heart, before turning and rolling into the ring. Pushing to his feet, he crosses to one of the corners and mounts the middle rope, throwing up both hands with the ‘Bottoms Up!’ gesture, earning a deafening ovation from the fans. Bobbing his head in time to the beat, Mitchell leans his shoulders back and rolls them in time to the music, allowing the duster to slide slowly down his arms, revealing his rugged physique and drawing even more calls from the female fans. Pulling the coat loose, he lobs it to a ringside crewman before dropping back to the mat and using the ropes to stretch himself out as his music fades.

Katie: Hmmm, so we have ourselves a backwoods lothario huh?

Billy: Uh oh, he isn’t gonna strip me down to my tighty whities and make me squeal like a pig is he?

Katie: As if you weren’t fantasizing about it.

Billy: I wasn’t, I swear. Okay, maybe for a second….no, no, I wasn’t at all.

Katie: Well, let’s hope this good ole’ country boy can hold my interest for longer than ten seconds.

Mayne: I’ve already lost interest in him, I was digging the hat until he shed it.

Mitchell continues to anticipate the arrival of his opponent until the lights suddenly go out. Red mood lighting come up as blood curtailing scream hits the speakers followed by Leecher Bitch. The words Scream Queen flash up on the titration Jessica walks out looks around and laughs she makes her way down to the ring a few male fans whistle at her, prompting Jessica to looks at them and scream. She gets in the ring and finds herself opposed to Mitchell, who is looking her up and down with a half smirk.

Mayne: I’m pretty sure the Hillbilly Heartthrob has never seen anything like this back on the farm.

Katie: What the hell is he wrestling?

Mayne: That’s Jessica Raines, Goddess.

Katie: It’s a human being? Seriously? I thought we were going to have to shoot it in the head.

Jessica looks rather repulsed by her choice of opponent, especially as Mitchell pantomimes firing pistols towards the crowd with his extended fingers. He then blows on the barrels and pretends to slip them back into a holster.

Mayne: Apparently, according to this cheat sheet, Billy Mitchell was trained by his father to be a professional wrestler and considers himself to be a real ladies man.

Steward: What kind of lady would be attracted to all that peach fuzz on his face?

Mayne: The incredibly desperate kind.

Steward: Like Kassie Khane?

The gesticulating and pantomiming comes to an end as Mitchell gets serious, for all of two seconds at least. His eyes can’t stop examining Jessica’s curvaceous, visually appeasing body. Finally he works up the nerve to the step forward and outstretch his hand, bowing slightly in the process. Raines is thoroughly vexed, unfamiliar with such chivalry from a man.

Mayne: Bite his neck Jessica, before he has the chance to tell me I have a real purty mouth. Which I do by the way.

Jessica is so confused that she extends her hand, placing it right into Mitchell’s palm. He takes her fingers and moves them to his lips, planting a sweet kiss on her knuckles. Just as Jessica begins to smile, being treated like a true bell by an authentic Southern gentleman, Billy tugs her forward straight into a kick to the gut. He then spins around, traps her head and delivers the Silver Bullet. The stunner connects with just enough force to send Jessica flying back and ultimately plummeting into the canvas.

Billy: WOW. That was lightning quick.

Katie: He totally suckered her into that one.

The crowd pops as “Bad” Billy Mitchell falls back into the cover, and once again pantomimes firing a gun.

1

2

3

He blows the smoke off of his imaginary pistol and then nips up to his feet with amazing grace. “Shoot to Thrill” hits the PA system once more to commemorate Mitchell’s big debut victory.

Mayne: It’s over already? It went that quickly? I guess I’m a little impressed.

Katie: Excellent, I didn’t even get a chance to grow bored. This is how long every IWC match should go.

Mayne: We would get out of here a whole hell of a lot sooner.

The fans are warming up to Mitchell now, especially after witnessing the record breaking speed of his first victory. He stands up and climbs one of the turnbuckles before making the pistol firing motion with both fingers. He then leaps back to the ring, approaches the laid out Jessica and merely shrugs.

Billy: Well, “Bad” Billy Mitchell wins by catching Jessica Raines completely off guard with that stunner. Is this a sign of things to come for the boy from down south?

Billy has exited the ring and is starting up the ramp in reverse, his arms stretched out to his sides. A huge grin adorns his face as he eats up the adulation from the crowd, especially from the women in the audience.

JEALOUSY

Fox Arcane: Are you suuuuuuuurrreee?

Medea: Oh yeah, it sounds, really, really kinky.

The proposal almost makes FOX blush. He leans against the wall, forearm propping him up it as he speaks to Medea, the same lovely lady who threw herself at Arcane last week. The X-Class Title sparkles almost as bright as his pearly whites.

Arcane: It can get awfully dangerous out there.

Medea: Good, because danger turns me on.

Her finger moves in concentric circles around Fox’s pecs.

Fox: You’re telling me this now? I could have been juggling dynamite on a tight rope above a pool of electric eels this whole time.

Medea: Mmmmmm.

Now her nail flicks Fox’s lower lip.

Medea: You sure do know how to please a woman.

Arcane: That’s not the first time I’ve heard that.

*Cough* Ahem *cough*

The two go about their conversation, exchanging flirty dialogue before Medea is tapped on the shoulder. She finally acknowledges this disruptive individual, looking a bit annoyed that she has to take her eyes off of the X-Class Champion. As she spins to face the agitator she finds herself replaced. Katelyn Buehler has slipped around Medea and taken her position in front of Arcane.

Arcane: Uhhhh, well hello.

Katelyn: Right back at ya hot stuff.

Her hands slip onto Fox’s shoulders but much to her dismay they’re quickly batted away.

Fox: Whoa, whoa, don’t handle the merchandise hun’. What do you want?

Buehler: I think you know what I want.

For some reason she can’t keep her hands off of Fox’s well toned body, even as he swats them off.

Arcane: Hmmm, hold on a sec sweetheart, I’ll have to see if I can work you into my schedule. Don’t want to run too low on fluids if ya catch my drift.

Katelyn: Don’t worry about that Foxxy, I’m not about to ACTUALLY have sex with you.

Apparently this is the first time the X-Class Champion has ever heard such an audacious statement.

Fox: Are you feverish?

Buehler: I have a proposition for you.

Arcane: If it doesn’t involve gettin’ busy then I’m not interested.

Katelyn: Actually, I was wondering if I could use you to make Jon Rich jealous.

Fox: Who?

Buehler: JON RICH.

The Champ shrugs.

Arcane: Never heard of him.

Katelyn: That doesn’t matter. You see, Jon has a very difficult time expressing his feelings for me, and I thought that if he saw the two of us together he’d go mad with jealousy, viciously maul you, and then get really nasty with yours truly.

Fox: Ah, I see. BUT, how does this end with ME getting some satisfaction?

Buehler: It doesn’t, but you will get to hang out with me and be popular by association. Isn’t my company the greatest gift of them all?

Arcane: Not when your wearing your clothes.

Buehler would be offended if she weren’t so flattered.

Fox: As tempting as your proposition sounds, I’m gonna have to pass.

Katelyn: WHY!?!

Arcane: Because if your not putting out, then I’m not putting IN my time. Besides, I got plenty of women in need of my loving touch, who want to use me in far more provocative, sometimes ILLEGAL ways. Now if you’ll excuse us, I’ve got an X-Class Title match to prepare for.

His arm extends and Medea slips her own around the crease of his elbow. As she passes Katelyn she purposely kicks back her hair and winks in the direction of the disgruntled Jon Rich cast off. All the former N.H.B Champion can do is sigh and watch on as the couple departs, leaving her behind all alone, or so she thought. A chill goes up her spine, provoking Katelyn to turn and almost drive her nose directly into the chest of one Jon Rich. The fans in the Manhattan Center explode with a reaction so loud it echoes throughout the very corridor they’re located in.

Buehler: JON! I knew you couldn’t stay away.

She extends her arms only to have Rich preemptively lift his palms, holding her at bay.

Jon: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Before you go spreading your herpes by touching me, I have something very important to tell you.

Katelyn: And I have something very important to tell you too.

Rich: Lemme finish….

Katelyn: Fox Arcane raped me.

Jon: Like I was…..what?

Buehler: Yeah, he bent me over like a whore in a prison shower and totally cornholed me. I was violated. He popped my cherry, Jon, and worse yet, he popped it before you could.

Another migraine tenses the muscles in Jon’s face.

Jon: I’m sure your cherry was popped, long, long, loooooonnng ago by that performing clown at your thirteenth birthday party, and the pony your parents rented.

Katelyn: Have you been reading my diary?

Rich: Just forget it. I have something important that needs to be said….

Katelyn: So I imagine you want to go out there and mangle that perv right?

Jon: Not really.

Buehler: You’re probably stewing with rage right now thinking about how he put his hands all over my busty bod. How he spread hot butter all over my nipples and…..

Rich: Please stop before I vomit.

Katelyn: Then he FORCED me over the hood of his Prius and….

Jon: I’m filing a restraining order against you.

Buehler: And made me squeal like…..a restraining order?

Rich: Yep.

Katelyn: Against me?

Jon: Exactamundo.

Tears form in Katelyn’s eyes.

Buehler: But but but why? Don’t I make you happy?

Her hands move to his cheeks but are pushed away.

Rich: No, you make me sick. But now you’ll never unsettle my stomach again.

Katelyn: I thought we had something special…..

Jon: After tonight, if you come within thirty feet of me you will be arrested. Then you’ll find out how a whore is really treated in prison.

Buehler: Jon, you can’t be serious, you you you can’t be…..

Rich isn’t going to delay it any longer, he storms right past the emotionally scarred Katelyn. A saddened Buehler turns to watch him leave, a single tear streaking down her cheek. It appears that she finally understands, that it has finally sunken in. Jon Rich wants nothing to do with her.

Katelyn: AAAAAHHHHH!

Her eyes stop leaking and now scowl as she hauls off and kicks the wall with all of her strength.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Again, the lights start to flash, as “Oh Yeah” by Yello starts to play. Again, the big, booming voice comes over the speakers, over top of the music.

Voice: YOUR MOTHER TOLD ME TO DO THIS!

The cartel tron flickers to life, showing Savior with a baby bonnet, and a diaper on.

Voice: IT IS SAID, THAT CHRISTIAN SAVIOR CAME OUT OF HIS FATHER'S VAGINA, WITH HIS STUPID HAIRCUT!

The video fast forwards to Savior going to high school. Bullies are pushing him around.

Voice: THE RUMOUR IS, THAT SAVIOR WAS CALLED GAY IN HIGHSCHOOL! IT GAVE HIM A COMPLEX, WHICH IS THE REASON HIS GIRLFRIEND HAS A PENIS.

The Cartel Tron fast forwards again, to Savior in his IWC career.

Voice: CHRISTIAN SAVIOR HAS ACTUALLY NEVER BEEN LAID. HE JUST SAYS HE HAS, TO MAKE HIMSELF SEEM COOL!

Christian Savior's face is plastered on a donkey.

Voice: BECAUSE THERE REALLY IS NO NEED FOR EXPLANATION.

The video changes to incredibly intense eyes, with a fire burning inside them.

Voice: LOOK INTO THE EYES OF YOUR DESTROYER, CHRISTIAN!

The camera backs out, showing Simon's face

Voice: LOOK INTO THE EYES OF THE MAN WHO WILL END YOUR CAREER, AND LIFE!

Simon smiles.

Simon: I've taken what you've done to me in stride, Christian... Now allow me to repay the favours. Allow me to humiliate you, do exactly what you've done to me.

The camera backs up, showing a half naked woman with a Christian Savior mask.

Simon: Well, Mrs. Savior, are you ready to see why they call me the biggest Motherfucker the IWC has ever known?

She places her hand on her forehead.

Woman with Savior Mask: Oh, Simon...

Simon looks into the camera, with a smirk on his face

Simon: Eat it up, Savior. This will be the best mind fuck, you can never have. Especially since you'll be spending the majority of the time...

The camera zooms in on Simon's face, as his features contort to one of anger.

Simon: WASTED!

He pauses for a second.

Simon: Believe me, Christian... This isn't a thirty second ride you got yourself on.... Isn't that right, Mrs. Savior?

He looks back to Mrs. Savior, as the commercial fades out.

MUM’S THE WORD

Josh Hudson continues to display not a single, solitary emotion. His face is as devoid of personality as an Android piloting the Star Trek Enterprise. The SCW competitor looks positively impervious as he walks stiff as a board towards the exit of the Manhattan Center.

Yo Hudson, Josh Hudson….my man!

The desperate Daniel Ackart rushes up behind Hudson, microphone in his clutches. To no one’s surprise Hudson doesn’t even pause or glance to acknowledge Ackart.

Daniel: What are you doing here? Why did you just target AWOL? Does this have anything to do with 2 For 1 Special? You haven’t even commented on my fly jacket. What say you?

Josh continues to remain incommunicado as he proceeds to the double doors at the end of the hall and bursts through them. Daniel is left behind, throwing his arms up into the air.

Ackart: Was it something I said?

FOX ARCANE © VS. MAX CRAVEN

Mayne: Josh Hudson FINALLY leaving the building after his involvement earlier tonight.

Steward: Thank Goddess, I can STILL smell him.

Mayne: Yes, it might take a while to get the stench out of the building.

The house lights melt down to black as a major-key alto-soprano Gregorian chant begins...but instead of an actual Gregorian chant, they talk-sing the following...

I-RA-TUUUUS...ANTI MAAAAACHINAAAAAA...DEEEEEUUUUUS...EEEEEX MAAAAACHINAAAAA...IN MAX WE TRUUUUUUST...AT THE CHUUUUUURRRRRCH...OF HOT ADDIIIIIIIICTIONNNNNN...

It cross-fades into "Church of Hot Addiction" by Cobra Starship, and the lights begin flashing green, gold, white, and black. The Cartel-Tron, meanwhile, shows green code raining down on a black background, forming words and phrases to match the chants. A black-with-green-trim-robed figure emerges from the back as the music gets to the first verse.

Just let me ask you--"HEY..."

He is accompanied by another robed figure, quite a bit smaller, and her hood is lowered, revealing Mercy Heaven. They reach the center of the stage.

"...Have you heard of my RELIGION??"

They pause and lower their heads as Mercy goes behind the robed figure.

"It's called the 'Church of Hot Addiction', and we believe that God has lust for ev-er-y-thin'...cuz NOW..."

The robed figure thrusts his arms out and the robe suddenly "flies" off his body into Mercy's hands, accompanied by outward-shooting pyros from either side of the ramp, revealing a grinning MAX in the middle of the spark-storm.

"...The time has come for your DEVOTION...and you already got the NOTION...of what I need; so give it, just give it, just give it to me...(you're will-ing, I'm wait-ing...turn out the lights!)"

The lights melt down during that line, then they begin flashing even faster on the next line as MAX runs to the ring at medium speed, Mercy walking to the backstage area with the robes in hand.

Mayne: I think it’s safe to say that Max has got a lot on his mind, which is a lot different than the usual NOTHING he has on his mind.

Katie: Come off it, Minion, the only time Max ever has anything on his mind is when he’s wearing a baseball cap.

Billy: Touché. But I think he’s got some food for thought considering that he’s been offered a spot in Jackson Adams’ NEW Generation AND he’s moments away from challenging for the X-Class Title.

Steward: A meaningless stable and a meaningless title. WHY? Because I’ve never had any association with either of them.

Mayne: True, and nothing has value without your stamp of approval.

Katie: Precisely. If I’m not involved it’s not relevant.

Max stands center of the ring, crouched and taking several deep breathes. The pending Challenger is quietly contemplating what could very well be a make or break match in his IWC career. Last week he came up short in his conquest for the Submission Title, tonight he cannot allow another title to slip through his fingers.

The sound of a wolf howling, or perhaps it is a fox, is heard and the audience quiet down until they hear the words ‘Straying! Straying!’ of Wolf Rain’s ‘Stray’. The lights go everywhere searching for where the pedestal is going to rise. The audience look around too, because they know that it could rise right beside them. The camera picks up where the audience is backing away and focus on it. It sees the platform as it rises while the music continues to play. Standing on the pedestal is one Fox Arcane, X-Class Title over his shoulder and Medea located just behind his back. The lift continues to rise before suddenly stalling, leaving Arcane’s upper half exposed above floor level. He looks around in utter confusion, wondering what went wrong with his usual flashy entrance. To make matters even worse now his entrance music begins skipping before eventually cutting out entirely.

Billy: Billy is back LIVE from the Manhattan Center and just as I was about to commend Fox Arcane on doing right for a change….

Katie: Toning down his hair so it’s not quite so blinding?

Billy: Um, no.

Steward: Having the ability to both walk and talk simultaneously?

Billy: Although that is quite the feat for Arcane, I’m talking about his choice in companionship. It’s about time some eye candy was brought out here for me to ogle and objectify. Anyway, I was going to applaud him for that until his usual over the top entrance just caused some serious hiccups. First his lift stalls and now his entrance music has been cut. Are these all production miscues or is somebody screwing around with the X-Class Champ?

Katie: From what I’ve heard, PLENTY of people have screwed around with Fox.

Although it frustrates him, Fox is forced to crawl out of his hole and pull Medea up with him. The two then proceed through the crowd and over the barricade. The X-Class Champion begins to enter the ring, pausing on the apron and starting to slip through. He gets one arm between the ropes when Max suddenly charges in, capitalizing on the opportunity, on Fox’s distraction. Craven catches the smitten Arcane around the shoulder and drops back, hitting a divorce court arm breaker right against the middle rope. A loud groan is heard from the crowd as Fox bounces off of the rope and goes twisting to the outside of the ring.

Mayne: Hey, Max showing some aggression.

Katie: With a last name like Craven, your kind of obligated to be aggressive….

Billy: Or a crazed big game hunter wearing skin tight lion mange.

Steward: Is this from one of your sick perverted dreams?

Billy: It’s actually from a com…..

Katie: I don’t want you to explain it to me, I’m already sick enough as it is.

The muscles in Fox’s shoulder may have been tweaked out of place, causing him to double over wincing in pain. The compassionate Medea steps in offering aid, checking on his booboo. Fox is so distracted by his pain that he doesn’t even notice Max grabbing the top rope and pulling himself over before it’s too late.

Arcane looks up just as Craven drives both knees into his sternum and puts him down back first into the thin protective mats. The fans erupt as Max rolls off of his opponent to his seat, leaving Arcane with a caved in sternum.

Mayne: That was nasty.

Katie: What isn’t when it comes to Craven?

The hyper aggressive Craven approaches Arcane, leads him to his feet and then into the ring. With his anatomy aching Arcane rolls across the ring, finding himself in the center. It’s at this point that Craven slides in, rushes towards him and leaps up high into the air, swinging his legs beneath him before finally coming down knee first into Fox’s face. Arcane sits up, swiping his palms over his features while Max slips in behind him, hooking one arm and then the other with his legs.

He pulls the X-Class Champion over in reverse, putting him in the classic crucifix pin.

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2

Arcane kicks out, dropping over to his knees in the process.

However, Fox isn’t content with just kicking out, he wants to counter as well. He reaches out, and grabs the creases of Max’s knees before flipping forward into the jackknife cover. However, Max sits up just in time to catch Arcane’s lower back against his stomach, and to fold him in two with the roll up.

1

Fox exerts the energy to kick out a second time. He rolls over in reverse once again, ending up on his feet and then stepping forward to deliver a straight punt to Max’s exposed face. However, this plan backfires as well, Max reaching out and catching Arcane around the ankle before his kick could connect. He now stands up and goes for the dragon screw, twisting and falling to his back in the process.

Now it’s Fox who counters though, freeing his leg at the last second and then dropping down on Max’s chest, hooking the creases of his knees with his biceps. The crowd squeals as Fox may have just stole one.

1

2

Craven not only kicks out, but in the process sends Fox flying forward. He ducks his head, places the top of it to the canvas then nips up straight to his feet. The moment his heels hit the canvas Fox kisses his palms and waves them towards the audience.

Mayne: Yeah, yeah, what do you expect, to be doused with roses for not sucking?

Steward: He’ll get covered in roses alright, as soon as he crosses the finish line in the Kentucky Derby, hahahaha. Get it, cause he’s got a horse face AND he’s as tiny as a jockey.

Billy: HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Steward: Good, you should always humor me.

Mayne: I know my place Goddess, I know my place.

In the midst of Arcane’s showboating the challenger rushes in behind him, grabs his arm, folds it into a hammerlock then charges him towards the turnbuckle. As he finds himself on the brink of being launched into the steel Fox suddenly counters, twisting around behind Max, grabbing the back of his head then dropping to his knee. He pulls Craven down face first into the middle turnbuckle pad, rattling his skull as a result.

Billy: Finally, Fox does something worth applauding.

Max stumbles back, somehow remaining on his feet as Arcane stands up in the corner then comes barreling out. He launches a wild right hand that is not only ducked but caught. Craven swings around under the arm, pulls it behind Arcane’s back, applies a hammerlock then snaps back into a leg sweep hammerlock take down. Fox’s shoulder takes much of the brunt force impact, causing the Champion to sit up grimacing from the extreme pain.

Medea squeals then uncovers her mouth long enough to slap the apron. She tries to rally the fans in support behind an injured Arcane, who is still nursing his banged up shoulder. He tries to stand up at this point only to have Max grab him by the wrist then deliver a dragon screw on the arm.

As a result Arcane is launched towards the canvas with great velocity, his shoulder smacking off of the ring once again. He flops over to his back, cradling the arm across his sternum before Max grabs his wrist and stretches his targeted limb out across the canvas. Max now steps back and flips forward into a senton leg drop straight across the bicep and shoulder.

The X-Class Champion is unable to contain his outburst as he rolls across the canvas cutting lose with a string of profanities.

Mayne: I should have known better than to compliment Arcane.

Katie: I have no idea why you would commit such blasphemy.

Arcane’s arm is in a horrid state as Max continues to target and dissect it. At this point he has Fox by the wrist and is utilizing it to drag him to his feet. He then slips around behind Arcane’s back and folds the arm into the hammerlock once again.

This time Fox delivers a reverse elbow catching Max straight to the temple. The strike almost concusses Craven and the next shot doesn’t help. Fox feeds off the hoots and hollers of Medea at ringside, finding motivation behind her screams and her jiggling bosom. He now spins around and drops to his knees, wedging his shoulders to Max’s stomach and delivering a fireman’s carry.

As Craven flips over Fox’s shoulders he reaches out and hooks his arms around the bicep. A stunned Fox is pulled over across the back of his neck until he eventually lands on his seat, Max now kneeling behind him with the arm hooked into a hammerlock.

Arcane grimaces and eventually starts biting his knuckle to block out the pain. This only causes Craven to intensify the hold, twisting the arm at a far more disturbing angle.

Steward: Has he tapped out yet?

Mayne: Ugh, no.

Steward: Nudge me when he does. I’ll be watching Jersey Shore.

The official gets up in Fox’s grill, inquiring as to whether or not he wishes to submit. A very adamant Arcane shouts “no.” The X-Class Champion is hanging in there despite the pugnacious grasp on his arm. He begins to wedge his feet beneath him and shove his body upward, eventually reaching his feet which is just half the battle. To Craven’s dismay the champ reaches back, wraps his arm around Max’s neck and then pushes up off of the canvas with his feet.

Arcane falls to his knees and snapmares Max over, forcing him to break….no wait, Craven ducks his head and rolls forward, still holding onto Fox’s arm. He flips Fox over from his kneeling base, taking him along for the ride. Once again Arcane ends up on his seat with Max getting a kneeling base behind him and wrenching the arm with a seemingly unbreakable hammerlock.

Mayne: Is it wrong to be slightly impressed with Craven?

Katie: Oh, let’s see, is it wrong to be sexually attracted to your own mother?

Billy: Is it?

Steward: Of course its……wow, I’m officially sickened, AGAIN.

Medea clearly does not like seeing Fox in grief, distraught by the image of the groaning X-Class Champion. He slaps his shoulder several times, trying to fight through the pain and attempting to work his way to his feet.

Some members of the crowd begins rallying behind Arcane as he gets a knee beneath him. From his knee he fights his way up to his feet, and once on his feet he tries to battle his way out of the hammerlock. Arcane reaches back for the neck only to have Max swivel his head to avoid being hit with another snapmare.

Now Fox tries something a little different, he bends forward and reaches through his legs, wrapping his free hand around Max’s knee. He lifts up on it, causing Craven to trip over backwards. Max lands on his back, but keeps hold of Arcane’s arm, causing him to come down spine first across the challenger’s chest.

1

2

Max uses his leg strength to roll over backwards, once again forcing Arcane to do the same. Fox lands on his knees with Max slipping over his back, coming down on his feet and keeping the hammerlock firmly applied.

Mayne: Arcane just can’t seem to get out of this hold.

Steward: It’s as unbreakable as his monotony.

Arcane is still struggling with everything his body can muster, pressing his way from his seat to his feet. The arm is twisted at an even more awkward angle until the elbow joint ALMOST pops out of socket. Despite Craven’s best efforts, Arcane finally does stand up and tries to counter by throwing a back elbow.

Before the elbow can even connect, Max ducks forward and pulls Arcane around into almost a full circle. He keeps the hammerlock applied and then drops back, trying to hit a DDT onto the exposed shoulder. To the disbelief of the crowd Arcane reaches out, grabs the top rope and sends Craven plummeting spine first into the canvas.

Mayne: Hey, he blocked it. I guess blonds really are smarter than I give them credit for. Then again, I thought every blond was as stupid as Kelly Bundy, and as hot, so I never gave them very much credit in the first place.

Katie: Ummm, Minion, what’s MY hair color?

Billy: Oh, uh, erm, uh…..

Steward: You do realize that you’ll be scrubbing toilets with your tongue tonight right?

A stunned Craven hits the canvas, his submission finally thwarted by Arcane, who turns and immediately leaps to the middle rope. He flips over backwards with a moonsault that misses it’s mark entirely. Craven rolled out of the way and to his feet only to realize that in spite of his evasive technique, Arcane has still landed upright.

The X-Class Champion lands with both feet pressed to the ring and then barrels across the canvas. He goes for a lariat only to have Max drop to his back and low bridge him. As a result Arcane is sent spilling over the ropes to the outside of the ring where he lands with a thud across his targeted shoulder.

Mayne: I never thought I would hear myself say this, but Max is STILL dominating this match.

Katie: I think there is far too much eye candy at ringside distracting Arcane. I mean, how can you possibly concentrate on a match if I’M sitting only a few feet away?

Craven bridges back to his feet still gripping the ropes and then launches himself over. He twists in mid-air, attempting to drive both of his knees down into Arcane’s chest. However, Fox ducks his head and rolls forward across the mats, avoiding the very move he fell victim to at the beginning of this bout. As a result Max is forced to change up his plan, landing on his feet with his spine turned towards Arcane, a position he does not want to be in.

The X-Class Champion rushes in behind him, wedges a shoulder to Max’s spine and then heaves him up into the air. Craven squeals before being back drop suplexed right across the thin protective mats. He now reaches for his kidneys, grimacing in pain and rolling towards the ring.

His fingers desperately claw at the ring tarp, using it to drag himself upwards. All the while Arcane is posing for Medea and any other female fan lucky enough to see his booty shake.

Billy: Yeah, go ahead and pose in ridiculous yet strangely arousing fashion, Arcane, we’ll see what good that does you.

Steward: Did you just say “strangely arousing?”

Fox stops showing off and goes back to work, stepping in behind Craven, grabbing his head and pushing him towards the ring. Max rolls in under the ropes with Fox climbing up to the apron, still holding his arm and wincing from the pain. He blocks the agony just long enough to leap into the air, on the verge of springing from the top rope only for Max to jump up and try to catch him with a dropkick.

Somehow Arcane is able to transition in mid-air long enough to push Craven’s feet away, sending him plummeting to the canvas across his spine. Fox lands back on the apron but quickly goes airborne again, leaping over the top rope, transitioning in mid-air, landing on the middle cable then springing to the top one before eventually hitting a BME. He connects right across Craven’s chest but is unable to make the pinfall.

Mayne: Yeah, yeah, yeah, what a nice fancy move, but Arcane probably hurt himself more than he hurt Craven.

Although he is incredible pain Fox is able to crawl towards Max and eventually cast an arm over his chest for the pin.

1

2

Craven’s should escapes the canvas moments before the three.

Billy: HA!

Steward: If this match is gonna keep dragging on then there had better be a wardrobe malfunction or else.

Clearly Arcane is a bit embarrassed, especially as he gauges Medea’s reaction. She just shakes her head at the sight of Craven’s kick out and Fox’s inability to put away his opponent. In a fit Arcane reaches his feet and takes Max by the hair, forcing him to a standing base. That’s when Arcane finds himself shocked once again, Craven getting his second wind.

He suddenly grabs Arcane’s arm, tucks it around behind his back and then heaves him up into the air. The crowd is shocked as Craven is twisted and dropped arm first across Max’s elevated knee. The modified back breaker, arm breaker combination proves effective, causing Arcane to drop to the canvas, rolling across it and grabbing at his badly damaged bicep.

Mayne: That’s right, keep punishing him Max, keep giving it to him, yes, YES!

Katie: I’m starting to think Jon Rich isn’t actually that dumb, maybe I should look into getting a restraining order as well.

Arcane ends up on his side, gripping at his arm, trying to reinvigorate the possibly dead muscles within. He sluggishly gets to his knees when Max steps up behind him, and wedges a shoulder to his spine, yet again hoisting him into the air. This time Arcane twists his body around, wraps his legs about Craven’s neck and then hangs upside down. Max’s eyes widen as he is pulled around into several rotations, the X-Class Champ’s legs tightly clamped around his skull. Eventually Fox snaps off with the head scissors, sending Craven flipping forward.

Craven crashes into the canvas, his kidneys taking much of the impact. The Challenger may be grimacing from pain but is nevertheless quickly moving to his feet. He stands then charges straight at the rising Arcane only to be cracked in the mouth with a leaping back heel kick.

The stiff strike takes Craven down with the Champion landing right beside him. Fox once again leaps into the lateral press, hooking the leg of the challenger.

1

2

To the dismay of Arcane, Max AGAIN launches a shoulder from the canvas, staving off defeat.

Mayne: Pathetic, absolutely pathetic.

Katie: Looking in a mirror?

Mayne: No, I’m looking in the ring….wait, what was that supposed to mean?

Katie: Hmmm, I almost hope your playing dumb.

A few teeth may have been knocked lose in Max’s mouth but his dental issues are put aside in favor of winning the title. He rolls to his knees and from there begins to reach his feet only to be popped under the jaw with a right hand. The one armed Arcane hits another right, and then a third. These rapid fire strikes have Craven all unbalanced, trying to stay upright before Fox moves in and clocks him right across the forehead.

This final shot is enough to take Max to the ring. He rolls across it to his feet and then runs right into a back elbow to the jaw, putting him on his spine for a second time.

Billy: Just stay down Craven, your embarrassing yourself and me at this point.

Steward: And my Minion already has plenty enough to be embarrassed about.

Fox clearly has the advantage in the palms of his hands at this point, which is why he takes a moment to wink at Medea. She blushes and giggles, unable to hide her girl-school feelings for her crush.

Arcane has a different type of “crush” in mind as he takes off into the ropes, getting a running start for his next move. He ricochets from the far cables and comes back at Max who suddenly staggers to his feet, throwing a thrust kick at the inbound jaw of the champion.

Fox stops cold in his tracks, catches the foot and then pushes it down to the canvas. That’s when Craven shoots his other foot into the air, going for an enzugari that is ducked. As a result Max lands straight on his face, grabbing at his features and then struggling to an upright base. All the while Arcane waits, before barreling forward into a lariat only to have a thrust kick connect straight to his damaged bicep.

A screams emits from Medea as she watches Fox turn in a full circle, clutching at his arm which is cradled to his chest at this point. He turns all the way around to face Craven only to have his arm grabbed, folded over backwards and then be planted to the canvas with a top wrist lock STO combination.

Arcane hits the ring with his arm taking much of the punishment. Max crawls into the cover, shooting a half nelson in the process.

Mayne: I think we’re about to see a new champion, one who won’t sue me for slander. Mostly because I’m his number one customer. I buy all his movies, and not just the fetish ones.

The fans watch, audibly gasping as the official’s hand meets the canvas.

1

2

NYOOO! Arcane kicks out and sends the crowd into a loud uproar.

Mayne: Unfathomable.

Katie: Your use of words you don’t know the meaning too really, really grinds your Goddess’ gears.

At this point Craven is starting to lose his cool. He grabs Fox by the bangs of his hair and sits the champion up on the canvas, putting him in a very precious predicament, WHY, because now he’s positioned for the Big Stiffy. Craven leaps into action, bolting across the ring in the hopes that he’s about to utilize his kill move.

Suddenly Arcane rolls over backwards and then rushes in to cut Max off with a spear. To Fox’s surprise though, Max is able to adjust at the last second by side stepping Arcane, catching him around the waist and then heaving him up over his shoulder. Fox slips down his back right into position for Craven’s version of the Gory Special.

He is just about to send Arcane flying face first into the canvas when Fox reaches back with his legs, wraps them around Max’s waist and then hits a sunset flip driver. Max is planted violently across the back of his head and shoulders with Arcane sitting up to go for the pin out of this predicament. Somehow Max rolls back though, ending up on his feet before diving with his shoulders wedged to the creases of Arcane’s knees.

1

2

Arcane kicks out with mere seconds to spare.

Billy: Oh, I thought Max had him, I thought he had him!

Katie: Quit orgasming, this match isn’t nearly as exciting as your making it out to be. In fact, your outburst just woke me up.

Mayne: Ow. Is it really necessary for you to keep hitting me?

Steward: Necessary, yes, fun, yes.

Mayne: OW!

The kick out surprises everyone in the building, Craven the most shocked out of all of them. His whole face is twisted with anger and his body shivers from the nearfall, realizing he was so close, so very, very close to becoming the X-Class Champion.

Before long he’s going back on the attack, approaching the laid out Arcane who shoots his feet up into the air. He wedges them to Max’s chest and kicks him off, sending Craven collapsing to the canvas then rolling backwards.

Max reaches his feet and rushes at Arcane who has just stood up and is going for that same dangerous jumping back heel kick. Craven ducks it this time and then stands up behind Fox, reaching back and taking him around the neck.

The fans pop at the thought of Max setting up for the Craven Awakening. He’s just about to hit it when Arcane suddenly swings his body and frees his head then leaps into the air, landing straight on top of Craven’s shoulders. It’s at this point that Max reaches up, grabs the hands of Arcane and drags him off of his shoulders into a Driving Iconoclasm!

Mayne: WHOOOOAA!

Katie: Can’t I get one wink of sleep around here?

Max reaches out, hooking the creases of Arcane’s knees while the fans erupt, everyone on their feet exhilarated by what they just witnessed.

1

2

3!

NEW X-CLASS CHAMP….nooooo, Arcane got one shoulder free from the canvas.

Mayne: Okay, I can see now, this match is gonna go allllll night long. Just like myself, in the SACK, haha.

Steward: Oh please. Katelyn got more work out from Abe Vigoda, than she did out of you.

Mayne: Blast ye Abe Vigoda!

The exhilarated crowd is amazed, AMAZED that Arcane was able to get a shoulder up, that he was able once again to defy odds. Max is beside him, slapping the canvas with both palms and then roaring towards the rafters. Clearly he is asking himself what must be done to become a champion in the IWC. After questioning himself long enough he rises to his feet and glares menacingly at the barely conscious X-Class Champion.

Craven shouts at Fox to get up, gesturing with urgency. The fatigue consuming Arcane would be insurmountable for most men but Fox is able to push past it, reaching his feet on a set of wobbly legs, muscles feeling like jello pudding. Craven swoops in and takes him by the arms, hooking them and then lifting Fox into the air as he sets for the Vertibreaker.

Mayne: Thank you Goddes….

Fox wraps his legs around Max’s neck and fights free, sitting up right on top of his shoulders. Before Arcane can do anything, Max reaches up, grabs his wrists and crosses them, setting up for another driving Iconoclasm. He now flips Fox forward, but instead of driving him down on top of his head, Arcane is planted on his feet.

Max rushes in just as Fox flips back into the Pele kick directly to the top of his skull. Craven is knocked to the ring as a result, looking almost comatose as a result of the unexpected blow. Before Max can even begin recovering, Arcane races to his feet then across the ring before going straight up the turnbuckle. He reaches the top rope, steps off and flips back into his deadly finisher, the Codename Kitsune.

Katie: Someone ate their pixy dust this morning, and by pixy dust I’m referring to crystal meth.

Mayne: It gives you wings.

Fox grips at his shoulder and his back, both areas of his anatomy are in terrible shape yet he still crawls into the lateral press. His injured arm symbolically drapes over Max’s chest and the official makes the three count.

1

2

3!

The building erupts, everyone leaping from their seats as Arcane has just successfully retained his title. The banged up Champion looks anything but a winner as he sits up on the canvas and sluggishly raises an arm high into the air.

Billy: Yay, everyone pretend to care that Fox Arcane retained his title. If you’ll clap maybe he’ll get up and shake his rump again.

Steward: And Goddess knows you want to see that again, right?

Mayne: What’s that supposed to mean?

Katie: Like you don’t know.

Mayne: No, no I don’t.

Many of the fans are giving a standing ovation to Fox as he is assisted to his feet by Medea. His sultry stalker assists him to a standing base and audaciously snatches the X-Class Title away from the referee so SHE can have the honor of bestowing it upon the Champion. Fox almost collapses under the weight of his title as it falls onto his shoulder. He places most of his pressure on Medea, shamelessly sneaking in a few sexual gropes in the process.

Billy: Fox wins, the X-Class Title stays around his love….his waist.

Katie: Wait, wait, wait, what were you on the verge of saying?

Billy: Nothing…..OH, I was about to say that the title is back around the love…..loveless waist of Fox Arcane.

Steward: No, no, I don’t think that was it.

Mayne: It was, he has a loveless waist.

Katie: That doesn’t even make any sense.

As Fox is still celebrating with his belt Max begins to come through. He rolls to his elbows and knees, exhausting all his remaining strength to force himself up. Once he’s reached a kneeling base his eyes are consumed with the image of Arcane celebrating, or at least trying to, with the X-Class Title. It doesn’t take long for his gaze to transfer from the groggy Arcane and the ubber hot Medea to the figure loitering on the stage. With little regard for his well being stands the Submission Champion, Jackson Adams.

Mayne: My Goddess, I didn’t think there could be two sets of bleached blond hair occupying the same space at the same time.

Katie: A rip must have been formed in the space, time, continuum.

Although Craven is furious over the conclusion of this contest, in which he came up short in his bid for the title, he can still focus on the emotionless Adams. He examines every inch of Jackson’s expression, although there is a clear lack of one. Even Jackson’s stoicism conveys emotion. Craven reads between the lines, the two almost speaking to each other on a subconscious level.

Mayne: Why are they looking at each other like this? Are they Vulcans? Can they speak telepathically?

Steward: Vulcans couldn’t speak telepathically you idiot. I’m the only one with telepathic powers, which I showed at the end of Riot! last week when I made Orlando’s head explode.

Max has completely lost interest in the title celebration, all of his attention on Adams and his judgmental gaze.

MUM’S THE WORD, PART 2

Headlights flash and the sound of a car horn blasts as Josh Hudson makes use of his keyless entry. The invading SCW star progresses towards his rather cheap looking automobile. Clearly Hudson is a very frugal individual. No, he’s apparently far more generous with his time than he is with his money. He made as much clear when he came to the IWC here tonight for the sole purpose of ruining AWOL’s title ambitions.

Mayne: Haven’t we seen enough of this Seattle grunge, Nirvana emo punk yet?

Katie: No, apparently the IWC wants us to watch him leave the building for a second time. Why is Josh Hudson getting so much screen time!?!

Hudson reaches out for his door when he suddenly hears the faint rumble of an engine. The sound causes him to hesitate momentarily. Once the sound grows louder his curiosity takes over, prompting him to peak over his shoulder. He sees nothing.

Josh goes back to opening his car door before he hears the rumble of the engine once again. Now the sound is beginning to annoy him. He peeks into the darkness of the outside parking lot and this time gets an eyeful of a supped up four wheeler barreling towards him. At the last possible second Hudson leaps up onto the hood of his car, avoiding a baseball bat that misses him by mere inches. His rearview mirror takes the hit, being smashed into thousands of tiny shards.

Katie: W-T-F?

The four wheeler skids across the pavement and turns back towards Hudson. His eyes focus sharply on the face of his attacker, the very vandal who just did significant damage to his car. Behind the wheel of the four wheeler is the man he wronged earlier tonight, the Big Crazy Bastard himself, AWOL. He hits the gas and comes barreling towards Hudson with greater speed than before, swinging the baseball bat and this time demolishing one of his head-lights.

AWOL: Having fun now Hudson? I’m having a ball!

The four wheeler almost crashes as AWOL desperately tries to get the wheels straightened out. Josh uses this time wisely, opening up his door and leaping into the driver’s seat. As he starts the car up AWOL pulls in beside him and shoves his bat long-ways into the back window, sending glass flying off into all different directions.

AWOL: Where you going Josh? Come on buddy. This is what you wanted wasn’t it? To get up close and personal with the Big Crazy Bastard? To learn why I earned this reputation? COME ON!

Without uttering a word or showing even a hint of emotion Hudson speeds out of the parking lot. This prompts AWOL to rev up his engine and to take off after him.

Mayne: AWOL chasing Josh Hudson away from the Manhattan Center. We’ve got ourselves a high speed pursuit!

Susie: Someone cue up some Dukes of Hazzard chase music!

The taillights of AWOL’s four wheeler vanish into the night.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The Greatest Moment in Wrestling History

NO MEANS NO

Jon: Listen, I’ve solved one problem tonight now the time comes for me to solve another. I’m just gonna flat out tell you, right here, right now, you will NOT be my partner.

The crowd squeals excitedly at the sight of Jon Rich’s face yet again dawning their television screens. In spite of their loud tone they still listen closely to every word he utters, hanging on every syllable. One individual who is particularly interested in Jon’s words, stands before him, just outside of his lockeroom. Pat Evans appears a bit stunned, taken aback by the lack of tact.

Pat Evans: Uh-huh…..

For once Evans is at a loss for words, this didn’t go how he had planned at all.

Evans: So just let me get this straight….I’m trying to wrap my head around it….

He massages his temples.

Pat: You’re telling me that you would rather team up with Axl Evermore? That you’re picking HIM over ME!?! Axl Evermore? The guy I’ve beaten like forty times? The guy I’ve proven to be a hot head, a loose cannon, and above all else, a failure?

Jon shrugs his shoulders, his only response.

Evans: Please explain your logic, cause I’m really starting to wonder whether you showed up here tonight on the short bus.

Rich: Well to be frank…..

Pat: I mean I’m Pat Evans, PAT EVANS! I’ve not only broken stars, I’ve made them. Look at Christian Savior, look at Jason Wheeler….without me, neither one of them would have EVER been World Champion. And yet you’re picking Axl, a guy who can’t hold onto a title more than a month, over me? I’m a strategist, a manipulator, I’m THE thinking man’s wrestler…..

Jon: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so you keep telling me. But you know what your not, Pat, a man with morals.

Evans: Morals? Since when have morals won you titles?

Rich: Axl Evermore is a man of morals, I’M a man of morals. We stand up for each other, we have each other’s backs no matter what. He’s not a fair weather friend. He didn’t all of a sudden take interest in me because he thought it net him a few championship wins. And he’s not using me just to leech off of my success and ultimately double cross me when I fail to bring home the bacon.

Pat makes like he’s playing the world’s smallest violin.

Jon: You, Evans, you only want to USE me. You’re a parasite. You don’t care about me, you don’t care about helping along my career, all your interested in is yourself.

Evans: Are you through?

Rich: Yeah, I’m through with you Pat. Until you can show me that you can actually be a team-player, that your willing to sacrifice and be a man of high moral fiber then you can save your speeches, you can save your lectures, you can save all your misguided advice.

Pat: Jon, would you give me…..

Jon: No, I’m through giving, and I’m through listening. I’m teaming up with Axl Evermore tonight, end of story. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m goin to my lockeroom, FINALLY, and getting some rest before Axl and I show you what being part of a team really means.

Through his door Jon Rich steps, allowing it to slowly close shut behind him. Evans is left to mull over everything he’s just heard. He dramatically slides his palm down his face and exhales, his shoulders slumping. After thinking for a moment, wondering if he’d rather take Jon’s advice, or take his head off, he steps towards the door and lifts his knuckles. Just before he can knock he hears a loud crashing sound from within the lockeroom followed by a thud.

Evans: Jon?.....JON!?!

Without knocking he grabs the doorknob and tugs. As soon as the door flies open Katelyn Buehler is revealed. She is in the process of swiping her palms together upon exiting the dressing room, being followed closely by her huge bodyguard BFG.

Pat: What did you two…..?

BFG steps up behind Katelyn, putting a hand on her shoulder and staving off Evans.

Katelyn: We did to Jon what he’s done to me for far too long. He’s on his back, unsatisfied. Come on along big boy.

A grin settles onto BFG’s face as he is guided along by Katelyn’s shoulder into the hallway. They walk away from Evans without even glancing back. A shocked Evans steps into the lockeroom where Jon Rich is sprawled motionless across the carpet. A vase has been shattered over his head, shards of porcelain scattered across his brow.

Evans: Jon!

Pat rushes to his side, stooping over Rich and snapping his fingers to see if he’ll come through.

Pat: Come on Jon, wake up dammit, wake up!

TOO MAGNIFICENT VS. KATELYN BUEHLER

The show returns to the ring with Billy’s voice shrieking in the background.

Mayne: Hahahaha, yes, YES, she finally came to her senses. Katelyn FINALLY put down that abusive boyfriend of hers. Which means, she’s aaaaallll mine.

Steward: It was refreshing to see Katelyn take a stand for a change instead of just being victimized by Rich left and right.

“Hollywood Whore” now filters through the PA system with Katelyn Buehler walking with a strut in her step to the stage. She pauses and strikes a provocative pose, BFG trying to do the same as he towers behind her. The two now proceed down the ramp, Katelyn running her tongue across her upper lip to the delight of many male fans. She looks to be getting back into rare form now that she’s ended her love affair with Jon Rich in one of the most violent fashions imaginable.

Mayne: Ahhh, my muse, and apparently she’s being accompanied to the ring by Gallactus.

Katie: Who?

Billy: Gallactus. The Marvel equivalent of God.

Steward: Me?

Mayne: No, GALLACTUS. Forget it, the joke is ruined now. BFG is fat, really fat.

Katie: Oh, well then, I agree with that.

Katelyn enters the squared circle after BFG parts the ropes for her. She strides to the center of the ring, kicking back her hair with a diabolical grin formulating across her face. Obviously she’s proud of her actions from just a few moments ago, proving that there’s no fury greater than a woman’s scorn.

The lights go completely out and a dim purple and gold light ascends on the buidling washing it in soft colors. Suddenly the first drum beats of Burn It Down by Five Finger Death Punch is heard crashing into the PA System.

“You think you know me?”

The demented features of Too Magnificent are seen on the Cartel-Tron breaking into a deranged grin.

“You don’t know shit!”

The Cartel-Tron switches to a picture of the local building for the Alzeimers Society.

“I’ve seen the world through your eyes”

Again the Cartel-Tron switches to a medley of mugshots of other IWC superstars, past and present most notably Riggs, Psycho, Hurse, Jackson Adams, AWOL, Chapel, Mayhem, Christian Savior and a lingering shot of Johnny Kingdom as the lights go completely out again leaving everyone in darkness.

“IT MAKES ME SICK!!!!!”

The Golden One stalks through the curtain, garbage can in hand and his head shielded by what looks to be a towel as sparks flood the entrance way lighting up the room with a huge explosion as the lights switch from purple to bright blood red.

”I’ve questioned all of your answers, they’re fucking LIES.”

The Cartel-Tron switches to pictures of Dan Douglas, Hurse and finally stops on Orlando Cruze.

“I work conform to your sytem… I’d RATHER DIE!

I BURN IT DOWN… Just to see it go
I BURN IT DOWN so everybody knows
I BURN IT DOWN I hate it to the CORE.”

Too Magnificent stops on the entrance way taking the towel off to reveal no bandages underneath. Just burned flesh, disgusting, demented, and sick. He looks up with a listless smile and starts walking slowly again toward the ring as the Cartel-Tron switches to the logo of the Mother Fuckers of America and back to Too Magnificent looking like he is going to kill someone.

”Think you’re a Mortar? Not hard to see…”

The Cartel-Tron comes to life again as Mag continues to walk ever so slowly down the ramp, Johnny Kingdom is seen standing tall about to deliver the Exodus Finale but then the camera switches to a shot of Magnificent and Simon Cagero fighting in the gauntlet.

“You want to rule the fucking world?”

A shot of Kingdom is shown nodding his head with the title over his shoulder.

“You’ve gotta get through ME!”

Again a shot of The Mother Fuckers of America is shown as the IWC ring is burning behind them.

“Your iron fist will be broken…”

A shot of Johnny Kingdom down on the canvas is shown.

No soul to sell…”

A shot of Riggs and Psycho pulling Too Magnificent toward the burning dumpster floods the CartelTron now as Too Magnificent turns around watching in disgust.

“You think I’ll burn for my actions? SEE YOU IN HELL.”

Reaching into the can, Too Magnificent pulls out a matches and lighter fluid, walking to the left side of the ramp now he lights a match and throws it as yet another explosion rocks the building and fireworks explode into the air reaching high up due to the lighter fluid. A shot of Too Magnificent rising from a pile of ashes now occupies the screen.

“I BURN IT DOWN!!!” I do it for myself”

Magnificent makes his way up the steps throwing his trash can into the ring on his way up, as the camera goes back and forth from shots of the Midas Touch being delivered on the likes of Psycho, Hurse and Jackson Adams and Magnificent readying himself in the ring.

“I BURN IT DOWN!!!!! For Me and No One Else”

The shot switches again from Too Mag to the CartelTron where a picture of Too Magnificent is shown standing in front of the entire IWC Roster… And then, the Roster fades into the background.

”I BURN IT DOWN… Just to watch it burn.”

The camera goes back to Too Magnificent now with a pissed off expression on his face.

”I BURN IT DOWN… I HATE YOU FUCKING ALL!!!!!!”

Too Mag now climbs up the apron and glares oh so menacingly at the oddly confident Katelyn.

Mayne: I hope Too Magnificent realizes that he’s going to end up in the exact same condition that Katelyn left Jon Rich. She isn’t about to be subjected to the torment of men, unless it’s me, and it’s MY penis doing the torment. Hahahahaha…..

Katie: So you agree with me then, having your penis in any vagina is deemed torturous to the woman your penetrating.

Billy: No wait, that didn’t, I mean, I was trying to….

Steward: And you failed, miserably, just like when you TRIED to give Katelyn an orgasm and….HEEYYY!

Too Magnificent isn’t about to wait for the referee to ring the bell, he suddenly leaps forward and cracks an unsuspecting Katelyn straight in the face with a pump kick. The face fracturing shot knocks Katelyn to the canvas and sends BFG into a fury. He responds almost on instinct, leaping, or at least doing his best interpretation of a leap, to the apron in order to save his employer. That’s when he’s cracked right across the face with a straight shot from Too Magnificent, leveling the chunky bodyguard. His gelatinous frame collapses across the mats as the fans cheer for the Sadistic One’s opening onslaught, taking out TWO victims in the span of just a few seconds.

He then turns back towards Katelyn who has gotten a running start and is lunging towards her opponent. Clearly she’s going for the Lou Thez Press only to be caught in mid-air around the throat then grabbed by the back of the tights. The fans erupt as Buehler finds herself seconds from being chokeslammed to the ring. That’s when she reacts like a rabid wolverine who has been cornered, reaching out and raping Too Magnificent’s eyes with her fingernails.

Billy: Get those nails in there sweetness, get those nails in there! Dig them in until you feel brain tissue.

Steward: Brain tissue? This is Too Flatulent your talking about.

Mayne: True, saying he has a brain is a little too generous.

The grimacing Too Magnificent finally fights free from Katelyn’s nails only to be subjected to a blow far south of the belt. Katelyn’s foot barely misses Too Magnificent’s crotch, meaning that she can’t be disqualified but that doesn’t stop the referee from jumping all over her. Although Buehler would normally take kindly to having a man jumping on her on this time she’s combative.

Perhaps it’s her flowing estrogen that has her so fired up, still all pumped from her beat down on Jon Rich just moments ago. Whatever motivates her she’s inspired to take off into the ropes, ricocheting from the far cables and building a tremendous amount of speed. She comes right back in at the partially blinded, crouched Too Magnificent only to fall victim to a twisting powerslam.

He delivers the move with such force and emphasis that it shakes the entire ring.

Mayne: NOOO! Not my precious, squeezable, loveable, tender flower child. How dare Too Magnificent harm her in such a manner.

Katie: How dare ye praise and worship Katelyn so, you know that I’M the one who deserves, nay DEMANDS all your worship.

Mayne: I’m sorry Goddess, it’s just my penis….grows erect….at the mere sight of Katelyn….

Katelyn writhes across the canvas while her blond headed opponent rises to his feet. Every muscle in his body is tensed, his face a blood red shade and his temples dancing with throbbing veins. He is unable to control his anger, especially as BFG climbs up to the apron and once again tries to play a factor in this match. This prompts Too Magnificent to turn and deliver a straight kick right on BFG’s temple. The strike knocks the planet size competitor right back to the mats once again.

Billy: Stop picking on him just because he’s the size of a double wide trailer. Abusing a fat man constitutes as a hate crime, I learned that the hard way when I suspended a donut in front of Louie Anderson’s face and kept pulling him out of his reach every time he tried to get off his rascal scooter.

The incredibly intense, highly volatile Too Magnificent turns his murderous gaze to Buehler, who reaches her seat and now lifts her palms into the air. She is actually begging off, pleading for some type of mercy. What she fails to realize is that mercy has never been a word in Too Magnificent’s vernacular. He gives her no absolution, taking her by the foot as she tries to dig her claws into the canvas and avoid falling victim to the Magnificent one. She’s now dragged across the ring and right into his clutches. He reaches out and grabs her by the ankle at this point, yanking the terrified lass to her feet then pulling her into a short arm clothesline.

Oddly enough Katelyn is able to counter, slipping around behind Too Magnificent’s back and locking her arms around his waist. She tries to heave him up into the air only for his feet to remain planted firmly to the canvas.

Katie: Is she actually trying to German suplex Too Hideous?

Mayne: I really really wish I could say no.

Steward: She should do what she does best and keep attacking his groin.

Too Magnificent looks annoyed at this point and finally brushes Katelyn off with a back elbow to her cheek. The shot sends her spiraling into the ropes and ricocheting off of them. TM turns around just as Katelyn leaps forward and dropkicks him right on the ankle. The strike knocks his leg out from under his body and brings him down to a kneeling base. He grabs at his sore leg as Katelyn stands up, a wide smiling stretching across her face.

Mayne: Alright, you’ve got him, you’ve got him, now keep giving it to him.

Steward: I hardly think Katelyn has any trouble giving it to a man, or whatever Too Funky is.

The kneeling golden goliath tries to stand before Katelyn rushes in behind him, traps the back of his head and pulls him down face first into the ring with a one handed bulldog.

Billy: Nice, SHE’S ON FIRE!

Katie: I think the only burning sensation she gets is between her legs.

Too Magnificent rolls to his back as Katelyn scrambles into the cover, realizing that this may be it, her one opportunity to pick up the win.

1

2

With ease Katelyn is pressed off of Too Magnificent, launched into the air and sent flying up to her feet. She lands with both heels under her and then steps forward going for an elbow drop. She connects, with canvas. The point of her elbow is almost fractured as it hits the ring, forcing her to sit up wincing in pain.

That’s when Too Magnificent steps in behind her, traps the locks of her hair in his clutches and then rolls her over to her knees. Without much showmanship he yanks her head into his arm and traps her in the front chancery.

Mayne: Not the Midas Touch, please Too Mag, I’ll give you anything if you don’t hit this move. I’ll even sell you half of my liver, the part not destroyed by alcoholism.

Too Magnificent heaves her up into the air when BFG suddenly reaches under the rope, grabbing his ankle and yanking on it. The referee was out of position to see the illegal interference from BFG who now backs away from the ring, acting as if he’s done nothing. Too Magnificent drops Katelyn and turns around, absolutely seething at this point as he glares down at the hired bodyguard. BFG flips Too Magnificent off and chuckles, realizing there isn’t a damn thing he can do in the form of retaliation.

That’s before BFG is grabbed by the shoulder, spun around and swallows some steel. Simon Cagero swings the trashcan with all his force right into BFG’s skull, taking him down like a sack of potatoes.

Mayne: Where did he….how did he…..blast you Cagero!

Katie: I don’t think he cares that you hate him, or that your pumping your fist in the air.

Mayne: Well I’m still gonna do it, it makes me feel good.

The trashcan is warped and left with an indentation of the unconscious BFG’s skull. He is left sprawled across the mats with Cagero stepping right over him. His eyes then cut to Too Magnificent who snaps his fingers, demanding the use of the trashcan. Simon shrugs and then tosses the steel right to his MOUSA teammate. Too Magnificent snatches the can out of the air and then turns in the direction of Buehler, ready to take her head off.

Mayne: No, someone stop him, God intervene, police, rape, RAPE!

Steward: Again, should I be interfering right now or doing my nails? What a conundrum.

Too Mag steps forward, hoisting the trashcan high above his head when it’s suddenly grabbed from behind. Referee Princeton refuses to let him use the weapon, prompting Too Magnificent to spin around looking absolutely furious. He suddenly shoots his foot up right into the official’s gut for his interference, knocking Princeton to a knee and then prompting him to call for the bell.

Billy: Ohhh thank God, Too Magnificent’s idiocy saved the day.

Katie: You can always count on his sheer stupidity.

Clearly Too Magnificent didn’t come here looking for a victory tonight, he was on Riot! to make a statement. He turns his gaze, settling it upon Katelyn and then lifting the garbage can high into the air once again. He steps towards her only for Katelyn to roll out of the ring, evading a quick execution at the hands of the Golden Goliath.

Mayne: She got away, woo-woo!

Steward: Yep, you did it, I think you just made my ears bleed.

As soon as she exits the ring Katelyn takes off, fleeing from Simon Cagero who was rushing straight after her. She makes a full rotation around the squared circle before embarking up the ramp, almost tripping over her feet in the process. Simon pauses at the edge of the ramp, watching at this point with fists to his hips and his head shaking.

Billy: Keep running Katelyn, run until your breasts explode.

Katelyn falls to her knees then turns to her seat, scooting across it as she reaches the stage. Relief sweeps over the young vixen, who someone got away from the many forces conspiring to bring her down. Strangely enough neither Too Magnificent or Simon Cagero seem to care. They instead turn their focus to BFG, who Cagero quickly takes around the back of his neck before leading him up to his feet. Once upright the staggering BFG is inserted into the ring, rolled in under the bottom rope.

Mayne: Hey, what are they doing with BFG?

Steward: Giving him a free liposuction I hope.

Billy: Goddess knows he could use it.

BFG rolls over to his elbows and his palms, finding himself looking down at two boots directly under his face. He timidly looks up, tracing the boots to a set of knees and then the knees to a stomach, and then the stomach to a smirk. Too Magnificent is obviously relishing every moment of this. He finally stops salivating long enough to reach down, grab BFG around the neck and pull him up to his knees. That’s when he’s places his trusty trashcan over the upper half of his plus sized rival. With trashcan still wrapped around BFG’s head he’s yanked up to his feet, placed in what appears to be a front chancery then heaved into the Midas Touch.

Billy: BFG paying the ultimate sacrifice for saving his employer.

Steward: I can’t wait for the opportunity to feed you to the wolves.

The wide eyed Katelyn now watches as Cagero enters the ring, steps towards the convulsing BFG and pulls him up to his knees. He now wraps his arm around the trashcan and then drops back, hitting the Break the Silence. The steel can melds around BFG’s writhing body, which seems to be going into a full on seizure at this point.

Mayne: Stop it, stop it. You’ve made your damn point already. Stop ganging on BFG, he was just doing his job.

Katie: Yes, you should learn from his example.

The MOUSA members reach their feet and pose for the audience who are going nuts over their systematic destruction of BFG. He now lays a quivering wreck at their feet. Katelyn watches all of this in abject horror. She finally rises to her feet and turns to leave the building before she too can fall victim to this mugging. She didn’t move fast enough. A boot connects right with her gut and before Katelyn can stop it she’s being heaved into the air and ultimately dropped onto the stage with the Exodus Finale.

Mayne: Where did Kingdom come from!?! That son of a bitch, that rotten, rotten son of a bitch! He just, my Goddess no, he just gave her the…..AARRRGH!

Steward: This will not go without repercussions. This is totally, totally unacceptable.

The fans are stunned as they see Katelyn’s head crash into the stage, her body popping up to a seated base at this point. She looks absolutely brain dead before finally falling over and hitting the steel. Johnny towers above her, all his features contorted into a look of pure unadulterated rage. He slaps his hands down on his knees and crouches forward, getting a very up close and personal look at Katelyn’s twisted face and mangled body.

Kingdom: Your not the only Buehler I’m coming for tonight!

After making his statement Kingdom stands up and winks towards the two gentlemen in the ring, Cagero and Too Magnificent amused by his antics.

Mayne: What did that mean? What did he mean by that? Make sense of this for me Goddess, PLEASE!

Steward: I don’t know, nor do I even want to try and understand Kingdom’s pathos.

Johnny backs through the curtains taking one last long look at the motionless Katelyn.

Mayne: This is terrible, far, far more depressing than Schindler’s List or the Crying Game. I’m almost in tears right now, and I haven’t cried since my circumcision three years ago.

Katie: This was a truly painful experience. Of course I’m in agony every time I have to watch ANY IWC action, but that’s another story.

Billy: What happened to Katelyn was far worse than what happened to Orlando Cruze last week. I hope they get medical attention out here. Dammit, roll some type of stock footage so the fans don’t have to see Katelyn in this condition. Shock the monkeys in the production truck with a taser, go to commercial, do somethin!

The final image is of Katelyn stretched over the stage chest heaving as she desperately tries to breathe. Despite being dropped directly on top of her head she seems to still be alive, but just barely. Thankfully this grizzly image is replaced by footage of a far more heinous nature, yay!

BRAIN RAPE

The music is slow, dramatic, played out on a synthesizer, just like in every Jon Carpenter film ever made. The scenes being provided are grainy, meant to give the footage a far more seedy and grim effect. Despite their voices being somewhat distant, one can hear Billy Mayne and Katie Steward in the background.

Mayne: This is horrible, HORRIBLE, I can’t watch anymore.

Steward: Now you know how I feel all night long.

The images get a bit more frantic and more importantly VIOLENT. The highs and lows of Orlando Cruze’s life is the video’s subject, picking up with his match last week. The uncontrolled frenzy of the Icon is featured through clips of him nailing a roaring European Uppercut on Porno Lad, then diving into a forearm smash on Christian in the corner. These clips remind everyone why Orlando is one of the absolute best when it comes to lacing up his boots and flat out performing.

Mayne: This whole night has not gone the way the Five Star Society would have liked. This is worse than sitting through a Uwe Boll movie.

The montage of epic Orlando moments continue as he delivers the Double A spinebuster on Christian, and drops Porno Lad with a Samoan Slam.

Mayne: He’s not even supposed to be out here, didn’t AWOL warn him before the match?

Katie: Did you honestly think he’d listen?

The video cuts from Orlando brutalizing his rivals to the Icon standing mono a mono with AWOL in a far less chaotic setting. The two stand juxtaposed to one another in Cruze’s office, where he’s busy wrapping his wrists in tape and AWOL is busy running his mouth.

Orlando: You just don’t understand AWOL, you will never understand what drives me. I can’t walk away, I just can’t, now when there’s so much unfinished business, so many things I have to FIX……if I’m going to be forced out of this business, I might as well as take a few people with me.

AWOL: I don’t get you Orlando, that’s true, and I won’t want to understand you either. All I know is that if you wanted to go out with a bang you picked the wrong partner, because I’m not about to let you screw this up like you screwed up Extinction……if you want to go out there and kill yourself, GREAT, but not at my expense and not at the expense of giving the Five Star Society a potential win.

This brief diversion ends with the tense staredown between Cruze and AWOL before cutting back to the now infamous tag match they were eluding to. At this point AWOL is featured on his back outside of the ring, having suffered a shot from the steel bell to the back of his skull. This leaves Orlando all on his own against both members of the Five Star Society. Surprisingly he’s holding up really well, as the previous images suggested. That is until he pops to his feet, looking all revved up, feeding off of raw emotion. After unleashing a primal roar he suddenly becomes woozy, stumbling and staggering around the ring. The music takes a far deeper, more demonic tone to enhance that oh so ominous feeling.

Mayne: It looks like there’s something not quite right about Orlando….

Cruze is seen running into a boot from Christian then convulsing all around the ring like he were having a seizure. The camera cuts to his eyes, which are wide open, his palms extended out in front of his face, fingers trembling. A series of clips feature Orlando rushing down the ramp at Paranoia to a standing ovation. This scene is followed by images of Orlando holding up his son Owen before pulling him into a kiss on the forehead.

Billy: I guess Orlando IS seriously hurt.

Although Orlando is shown hitting some blows on Porno Lad he suddenly falls to a knee, unable to keep the pressure on. A trail of blood slowly dribbles from his nostril as his eyes grow very wide. More classic footage is featured, this time showing Orlando celebrating with the World Heavyweight Title. It then cuts to him planting a kiss on the lips of Kloe.

Mayne: I think the ref is ejecting Orlando….

The referee is shown giving the standard “X” with his arms to inform medical personnel that a serious injury has been suffered. However, Orlando grabs the striped shirt of the referee, DEMANDING that he reverse his decision, pleading with him to let the match continue. That’s when he turns and is caught right across the neck, Christian dragging Cruze down into the diamond cutter. This scene is captured from numerous camera angles to make it even more dramatic as Orlando’s face hits the ring with a devastating thud.

Billy: Ohhhh shipoopie!

The camera is drawn to Orlando’s wide eyes and bleeding nose. The video switches to him once again being dragged down to the canvas with the diamond cutter. Now a scene involving Cruze hitting the Rock Bottom on Savior is interspersed before transitioning back into Orlando suffering from Christian’s deadly cutter. We see Orlando standing on his balcony overlooking the ocean before the video switches to the Icon’s head being forced under Porno Lad’s seat.

Mayne: I think you guys have done enough….

Orlando walks hand in hand with his wife and son down a sidewalk. This endearing moment is replaced with a far more disturbing image, Christian flying from the top rope, catching Cruze’s ankles and pushing him down into the spike piledriver.

Mayne: They did it, they finally did it, they just ended the career of Orlando Cruze.

If the sight of Orlando suffering the spike piledriver wasn’t bad enough, now it’s shown again, and again. There is a shot of Orlando shaking hands with Lethal Weapon after an epic clash at Paranoia, before it cuts back to him being dumped on his head via the spike piledriver. We now see Cruze and Nathan Creed high fiving one another in the center of the ring before embracing with a hug. The footage cuts to Christian and Porno Lad gesticulating in front of the crowd, posing over the body of Orlando Cruze.

As the two chuckle diabolically the video cuts to Orlando being carried out of the building on a stretcher, his neck braced and his eyes devoid of life. There is a quick clip of Orlando standing in the center of the ring waving symbolically to his adoring audience.

Mayne: They’ve ended Orlando’s career…..career…..career…..

The diamond cutter is followed by the spike piledriver followed by Orlando being rolled up the ramp on a stretcher. The final shot is of Porno Lad and Christian Savior celebrating their actions.

TRUST ISSUES

The emotionally distant Kingdom tears through the curtains and makes his way down the entrance tunnel which gives birth to the gorilla position. As he moves through the opening to this wider area he finds himself face to face with an individual who has been anxiously awaiting the opportunity to speak with him. With the World Title belt over his shoulder, Jason Zero steps towards the Team Leader. The crowd is noticeably excited at the sight of these two finally meeting up.

Kingdom: Get on with it.

Kingdom says this with a sigh, completely uninterested in whatever Zero has to say.

Zero: Nice work out there.

The Team Leader swirls his finger through the air urging Jason to get to a point.

Jason: Okay, I won’t waste your time with shameless ass kissing, I’ll get right to it.

Kingdom: Thank God.

Zero: I just wanted you to know that in spite of the things we said about each other a few weeks ago, and in spite of this…..

The title belt is slid from his shoulder and prominently shown off.

Zero:…..nothing will stand between the two of us working together tonight. I know that you want to get your hands on Jackson Adams and Porno Lad, just as bad, if not worse, than I do.

Johnny: How quaint.

Every syllable is drowned in sarcasm.

Kingdom: Wheeler….

Jason: Zero…

Johnny: Helix….

Zero: ZERO.

Kingdom: Faust…

Jason: Z-E-R-O!

Johnny: Whatever. It’s easy for you, being the champion, to come back here spouting off with these generic, flat comments about teamwork and sportsmanship and all other shorts of grab-assery, but you’re not the one who was screwed last week. Your not the guy who had half the roster beat him down moments before his title match. Your not the guy who had THIS stolen from him.

A palm slaps the gold plate over Zero’s shoulder.

Kingdom: Can you imagine how it feels to look at a man holding my title when he didn’t even pin me for it?

Zero: Awww, I imagine your ego is a little bruised.

Johnny: Bruised? BRUISED!?! It’s suffering substantial internal bleeding. Here you stand, holding MY belt, having played a part in that horrendous, Russo-esque inspired screwjob last week and yet now you’re asking for my help? You’re actually asking me to trust a man who for months ran around concealing his identity and playing mind games with people? Granted most of your mind games involved flipping a light switch on and off. You expect me to be your partner after you did nothing to stop Christian from STEALING my belt? After you laid in wait like a coward and capitalized on the opportunity to pin a far weaker opponent, instead of being a man, stopping the Five Star Society, and then taking me on one on one? Why should I trust you, why should I have your back, why shouldn’t I just leave you out there for the jackals like you did to me last week?

Jason actually has to ponder his response. Finally he just shrugs.

Jason: Well, can you tell me you would have done things any differently?

Kingdom finds his tongue frozen.

Kingdom: Ummmm, yeah, I probably would have done the same thing for the World Championship, but this isn’t about me, it’s about you. I mean, for weeks you preached about being some type of symbol, some shinning beacon of morale and honor, and yet you turn around and stab me in the back so you can win the title.

Zero: I didn’t exactly stab you in the back, Johnny. I knew that Christian and Porno Lad were up to no good. I knew they were going to try something drastic to ruin our title match. So I played it smart, I hung back, waited for the dust to settle, and then I STRUCK when no one was expecting it. It’s not my fault you didn’t beat Christian for the title, and if you had, I would have had no problem in rescheduling the match between us for a later date. But since Savior won the belt I HAD to spring into action, I had to make sure he wouldn’t leave Riot! with the World Title. If anything, I think we can agree that Christian, or any member of the Five Star Society, holding this World Title is a big no-no. It’s unacceptable.

Johnny: How can I possibly argue with that? You don’t think I wake up in cold sweats at night thinking of Christian molesting my World Title belt?

Zero: The thought gives me nightmares too.

Kingdom: But even though we may not like the Five Star Society, and we may loathe this Generation Omega Supreme whathaveyounot, it doesn’t mean we’re copasetic. It doesn’t mean I’m about to go out there, shake your hand, kiss a few babies and play nicey nice.

Zero: I wouldn’t expect you to.

Johnny: You’re holding MY championship, and until I get it back you’re my number one target. Porno Lad and Jackson Adams, they don’t matter. My eyes are on you and my gold.

Zero: Fair enough. If you want to come after the championship I’m not gonna stop you. In fact, I welcome the challenge and I look forward to facing. BUT, why not use each other here tonight to get some pay back on Adams and Porno Lad? Why not just finish those two off so that we can be sure the next time we meet we won’t have to keep eyes in the back of our heads? Why not guarantee that our next match will be under far better circumstances?

Again Johnny is unable to argue with this logic. Actually, he probably could but he just doesn’t have the motivation to do it.

Kingdom: Ugh fine, if it’ll get you out of my hair….

Jason: Hair?

Johnny: If it’ll get you off my BACK, then I’ll tell you what you want to hear.

He raises his palm into the air and puts the other one over his heart.

Kingdom: I promise to be a model tag team partner and a good lil’ trooper out there tonight. At least until I’ve finished off our opponents. Is that good? Do you want me to swear on a bible?

Zero: That’ll do.

Kingdom: Excellent. Now get the hell out of my way, I’ve got some hunting to do.

The Team Leader starts down the corridor only to be grabbed by the forearm. He quickly pulls himself free from Zero’s grasp and the two come nose to nose.

Jason: We will work as a team Johnny, because if you try anything, if you pull any type of stunts out there, I’ll have no problem laying you out. If I have to beat Porno Lad and Jackson Adams on my own, so be it. If this turns into a three on one handicap match, so be it. But if you have any sense in your skull, you’ll help me take them out and you’ll ensure yourself a 100% fair World Title bout. See you out there, partner.

Zero turns his back on Kingdom before walking away. As Jason watches him leave a grin cracks his stoic face.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The World’s Most Powerful Punch

AXL EVERMORE & PAT EVANS
VS. ACE MARSHALL & ROBIN BROOKS

Riot! comes back just in time to catch a replay of Katelyn Buehler being hoisted into the air then dumped right on top of her skull with the Exodus Finale. The words “Moments Ago” are written in the corner to let everyone know what they missed if they’re just tuning in.

Mayne: What happened before the break, it was, it was just, I can’t even begin to describe how horrible it was.

Steward: The MOUSA and the Empire savagely attacked Katelyn Buehler and BFG. There, I just described it for you.

Billy: It’s a good thing one of us has no emotion.

Katie: Being emotionally detached from everything does help at times.

Mayne: I just hope that they can get Katelyn to the hospital soon and deal with….

Five Stars slowly flash across the Cartel-Tron, each one lighting up in synchronism. That’s when five explosions rock the stage just beneath the stars on the screen. These stars shoot off in all different directions and now images of Christian Savior, Robin Brooks, Porno Lad, Ace Marshall, Katelyn Buehler, Katie Steward and others flash repeatedly. To the stage storms Ace, who looks rather flustered by what happened before the break. Trailing right behind him is Robin, who is yanking the wrist of Hurse, tugging him right along behind her. His head is lowered, chin touching his chest and eyes full of dread.

Mayne: I think what happened before the commercial break is gonna fire these three….well, TWO up. They just watched one of their sisters get mauled by that son of a bitch Kingdom. And don’t even get me started on what the MOUSA did to BFG.

Katie: It was a travesty, yes, but don’t worry, everyone will forget about it once Ace steps into the ring and steals the show right alongside the Black Widow.

Billy: I hope your right Goddess.

Steward: Am I ever wrong?

Mayne: Good point.

Robin barks at Hurse to enter the ring and with sullen shoulders he does what he’s told. He moves up the steps to the apron, deeply dejected over having to wrestle this match in favor of taking the World Title opportunity he was rewarded earlier in the evening. To make matters worse he has to sit on the ropes to part them for Ace Marshall.

"You know who I AM, where I've BEEN, where I'm GOING, how I'll GET there...and all that's left is to tell you's that I'm finally HERE!"

The feed fades to the Tron video, and as the lead singer for Drowning Pool screams the opening "1, 2, 3, STEP UP!!" to their song "Step Up", a name is spelled out on the black video background in bold red Sofachrome font letters: Axl Evermore. In between some of the letters, a split-second of Evermore-in-action impact clips are shown. It fades to a front view of the stage, with Evermore--wearing his Fully Loaded team jacket--looking down on one knee, arms outstretched like he just landed from a jump. He stands up and he RVD's a thumbs pose, shouting "A...X...L!" as the crowd chants along, then thrusts open the snaps of his jacket.

He heads to the ring with stern focus and an energetic gait as the crowd cheers him on. Upon sliding into the ring he removes his jacket and carefully handing it off to the official. He does not take his eyes off of Hurse and Ace all the while. He also makes sure to peek over his shoulder at the pregnant Brooks, realizing that she’s capable of anything.

Mayne: I don’t even know why Evermore bothered to come out here, he’s basically got no backup whatsoever. Katelyn left Jon Rich in absolutely no condition to wrestle this match.

Steward: Well, I think it’s pretty obvious that Axl isn’t the smartest man in the world, have you seen his haircut? He’ll come out here and wrestle a handicap match because that’s what idiots do.

Evermore pivots between feet, fully prepared to take on both Marshall and Hurse entirely on his own. Ace is in the process of firing his partner up by demanding that he not make him look bad in this match. All Hurse can do is nod his head slowly and dramatically.

Mayne: Well, I guess this is it, Axl about to take two men on at the same time. Have you ever done that Goddess, and if so, do you have the footage to prove it?

Steward: No, but I do have footage of you trying on Robin’s undergarments.

Billy: Oh, umm uhhh, I was auditioning for a role on the Lifetime Network. Yes, that sounds somewhat plausible.

With his hands on his knees Axl begins to inch towards his opponents before “Outsider” streams over the speakers and sends the crowd into a loud uproar. They burst with excitement, fueled by adrenaline at the sight of Patrick James Evans moving to the stage, microphone in hand. Although some fans boo, others cheer out of sheer intrigue, wondering what has coaxed Evans towards the ring and why he was motivated to bring along a mic.

Evans: Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold on just a second….

Mayne: Who said Pat Evans could come out here?

Steward: Not me, I thought he needed explicit written consent from the United States government to leave his home.

Billy: Just think of all the poor children who will be irreparably damaged by the sight of him.

Evans holds up his palm and continues to speak into the microphone. Evermore watches him closely, realizing all too well what Pat is capable of.

Pat: As many of you may have seen, Jon Rich was attacked backstage….

The crowd is now unanimous in their boos. Pat nods, agreeing with them completely.

Evans: Which means he won’t be able to compete in this match….

The boos grow even louder.

Pat: But moments before he was attacked Jon said something that struck a cord. He told me I wasn’t a team player, that I only care about myself….

Axl nods.

Evans: And he cited this as the reason he was going to choose Axl as his partner tonight, and when he pursued the tag team titles.

Now Evermore is clapping, as are the majority of the fans.

Pat: And if that’s his choice, so be it. I’m not gonna stand in his way of becoming an IWC Tag Team Champion. But what I am going to do is prove to him, to Axl, to everyone in this building, and to myself, that I CAN be a team player, that I do care about more than just myself…..

Evans starts down the ramp in the midst of his speech and now makes use of the steel stairs. Robin doesn’t like what she’s seeing as Pat passes him by.

Evans: I’m going to SACRIFICE, by putting my issues with Axl aside and taking Jon’s place in this tag team match.

Mayne: BWAH!?!

Steward: Is this legal, can he arbitrarily take Jon’s place?

Billy: I guess…..I don’t even know anymore.

Into the ring Evans slides, and once inside he finds himself face to face with Evermore. Clearly Axl is not on board with the thought of teaming with Pat here tonight. He slips through the ropes and just throws his arms up into the air, giving up when it becomes apparent that Evans isn’t listening to him.

Mayne: I guess the referee and Evermore are gonna allow this.

Now that all those packed in the ring and around it have gotten over their shock they set to wage war. Evans fires the first shot, immediately after making his announcement he rushes forward and drams the microphone directly into Ace’s face.

Mayne: What a cheap shot! Pat has absolutely NO honor whatsoever.

Katie: And no shampoo or soap either.

Marshall this the canvas and instead of Hurse coming to his partner’s aid he slips through the ropes to the apron. He grabs the tag rope, being a true sportsman by obeying every rule and regulation. This does not sit well with Robin, who sternly gazes at Parkwood with irritated eyes. Meanwhile, in the ring Evans is now subjecting Marshall to a series of stomps to the sternum and face. The kicks seem to prove effective, inflicting a significant amount of damage on the stunned Marshall, who gets his arms up in a desperate attempt to protect himself.

Mayne: Why isn’t the referee doing anything about this? I’ll tell you why, he’s biased, just like everyone else in this building.

Katie: I’m not biased. Well, at least not against anyone in the Five Star Society.

Ace grabs one of the boots traveling towards him and shoves it away. He quickly rolls to his feet and charges at Evans only to run right into a chop across the sternum. The strike knocks Marshall to the canvas. He rolls across it, gets to his feet and is immediately taken by the bangs. Evans forces him across the ring towards his corner where he reaches out, palm extended towards Evermore.

Billy: What’s this now? Oh don’t tell me they’re actually gonna start working as a team.

Clearly Axl isn’t so quick to slap the palm, to take the carrot dangled in front of his face. After all the tension between he and Evans, the years of wars between them, he does not take his long time rival at face value. The dissension amongst the ranks allows Ace to slip free from Pat’s clutches, stumble across the ring and fall into a tag on Hurse.

The Master of Control looks rather dejected over being so unceremoniously tagged, and now FORCED to represent his team. Nevertheless he slips through the ropes just as Axl slaps Pat’s back, tagging himself into this encounter. Evans spins around, wide eyed and confused as Evermore leaps into the ring then springs into action.

He barrels straight towards Hurse who throws a wild right hand. The blow is ducked by Axl, who takes off into the ropes behind opposition. The stunned Hurse spins just as Axl ricochets from the ropes, leaps into the air and takes him down with a big time shoulder block.

Billy: Flying shoulder tackle. Good lord why, WHY did Ace tag Hurse in? What the hell was he thinking?

Katie: I’d tag out too if Axl were about to touch me. Do you not realize how much showering one would have to do in order to get the stench of Evermore off your skin?

The fired up Axl leaps to his feet just as Ace slips back into the ring and tries to steal the advantage. He rushes up behind Evermore, lobbing a fist that is blocked. Marshall’s face is paralyzed in fear before almost being caved in by a vicious strike. The blow sends Ace stumbling backwards into the ropes before Evermore spins around and cracks his ribs with a back heel kick.

The stiff strike sends Ace toppling through the ropes and eventually plummeting to the outside mats.

Katie: Ewwww, Axl’s foot just touched Marshall, I’ll never be able to look at Ace the same way again now.

As Marshall hits the mats Hurse rushes up behind Axl and digs his fingernails into his opponent’s back. He rakes the spine, causing Evermore to bow his back and turn slowly into a chop across the sternum. Hurse now grabs his leg and lifts it into the air before reaching out for the other one, setting up to apply the Legend Lock. That’s when Evermore leaps from his one foot, nailing Hurse to the back of the skull with an enzugari. The stiff strike sends Hurse crashing throat first into the middle rope.

The cable supports his chin and arms, leaving him propped up on his knees and in a very precarious position. Axl stands up behind him, spots Hurse prone body and immediately takes off across the ring. He builds momentum before rushing up behind Hurse, lunging into the air and crashing seat first across the back of his head. He slips through the ropes in the process and lands on his feet across the mats.

The second he drops to the outside he blocks another right hand from Ace Marshall, and responds with an extremely stiff uppercut to the jaw. Marshall is leveled as a result, in contrast to the fans who go vertical, all of them on their feet cheering Evermore on.

Mayne: What the hell did Axl put in his coffee this morning?

Katie: My guess would be lots and lots of heroine, it would explain his poor complexion and his belief that he’s talented in any way.

With Ace on his ass Axl turns his focus back to the ring, climbing up onto the apron and beginning to slip through the ropes. This leaves his skull entirely exposed to a big flying knee from Hurse. He leaps from the middle rope and nails Axl directly in the temple with his kneecap, sending him into a spiral and eventually collapsing across the canvas.

Mayne: *Gasp* An offensive move from…..Hurse?

Steward: It really is inconceivable isn’t it? As inconceivable as the size of Stacy Kissinger’s forehead.

A kneeling Hurse gasps for breathe, trying to fill his lungs with oxygen now that he’s been given a precious few moments to recover. He struggles to his feet and immediately sinks his fingers into Axl’s hair, clutching his pony tail in order to drag him to his feet. Once upright Hurse delivers a forearm shiver to the previously targeted temple, bringing Axl back to a knee. The top of Hurse’s elbow is driven right into the skull of Evermore, followed by another forearm shiver.

Billy: Hurse looks far more intense than usual. I guess it was a smart move on Robin’s behalf to deny him that World Heavyweight Title opportunity, because now he has plenty of energy for this match.

Steward: Yeah, besides, who wants to watch a title match between Jason Zero and Hurse? I think repeats of Wings, would score higher ratings.

Mayne: Or episodes of Family Matters.

Steward: You just say that because you can empathize with Steve Urkel.

Billy: The man is a national treasure, a national treasure I say.

Hurse takes Evermore around the neck and snapmares him over to his seat. He then delivers a prompt kick directly between the kidneys, causing much grief for the former Cartel and N.H.B Champion. Immediately after delivering the kick to the spine Hurse steps in front of the seated Evermore then delivers a straight soccer kick to the sternum. The stiff strike puts Evermore on his back with Hurse now towering over him.

His eyes briefly divert towards Brooks, who watches on apathetically, arms crossed, head lowered. Clearly the Black Widow is STILL not impressed with what she’s seeing from her former fiancée. In fact she goes as far as to sneer at his offensive display. As a result Hurse kicks it up a notch, rushing into the cables, bouncing from them and then getting a running start for his next maneuver.

He comes back in at Evermore who has the good timing to roll in Parkwood’s direction. Hurse leaps over top of Axl and continues into the far ropes, now bouncing off of them. He comes back at Evermore who lunges to his feet then into the air, leap frogging the inbound Parkwood.

Hurse stops cold in his tracks right behind Axl, allowing Evermore to drop to his feet and then placing him in a reverse waistlock.

Mayne: Whatever Axl was trying for is obviously not going to pan out.

Steward: That’s the story of his life.

Evermore finds himself on the brink of being hit with the German suplex before he drops to his knees and delivers an arm drag variation. Hurse is sent flipping over his back and rolling across the canvas. The Master of Control reaches his feet then comes charging in at Axl who once again leap frogs his opponent. Hurse rushes into the ropes behind Axl’s back, ricochets from the ropes and charges right into a HUGE dropkick on the kisser.

Billy: Apparently I spoke too soon.

Katie: Story of YOUR life.

The boots drill Hurse directly to the mouth and as a result he’s completely laid out. Both hands cup his lips as he rolls across the ring in the direction of his corner. His hand extends outward, looking for a tag only for there to be no reciprocity. Instead of being in his corner, Ace is kneeling on the outside of the ring rubbing his jaw and consorting with Brooks.

Mayne: He’ll make the tag when he’s damn good and ready to make the tag, Hurse, and not a second sooner.

Katie: He’s got to make sure each and every tooth in his mouth is still perfect before he dare set foot in that ring again.

Ace and Robin seem to have come to some type of consensus on the exterior of the ring while Hurse is left in the dark. He rises to his feet with the aid of the ropes, now shouting towards Marshall to make the tag. If Ace answered to anyone, the last person he’d take an order from would be Hurse, hence his hesitation to tag himself in.

All the while Axl is working his way back to his feet. As soon as he stands his eyes divert towards Evans, who extends his hand for the tag. Axl’s skin crawls at the thought of slapping the outstretched palm.

Mayne: Do you see the contrast here Katie…..

Steward: Are you referring to my total and utter beauty in contrast to your sheer butt ugliness?

Billy: Erm, no.

Katie: My BRILLIANT linguistic skills in contrast to your backwoods bumpkin talk?

Mayne: No, again. I was referring to how Hurse is desperate to tag out to his partner, and Ace refuses to tag out to his.

Steward: Oh, well I think my contrasts were better and more entertaining.

Evans implores Axl to tag him in, stretching his arm as far as it will stretch before popping his shoulder out of place. Evermore looks at the palm and then into Pat’s face before shaking his head.

Evermore: Your out of your God damn mind.

This statement causes Pat’s face to go completely red.

Evans: SEE. I told Jon that your ego was more important to you than the win, and I was RIGHT!

Axl actually chuckles over this comment before his laughter is abruptly cut short by Hurse. The Master of Control charges in behind him, wraps his arms around the waist of his opponent and powers him forward into the cables. Axl’s chest hits the ropes as Hurse tries to drop back into the roll up. However, Evermore wraps his arms around the top rope and pushes off with his back, sending Hurse rolling over in reverse.

He ends up on his feet as Evermore spins around and comes charging out of the ropes only to run right into a big dropkick from Hurse this time.

The crowd groans and cheers simultaneously over the stiff dropkick that puts Axl on his back and Hurse on his knees.

Mayne: He made him pay for that dropkick earlier. Have I expressed just how stunned I am that Hurse is doing something PRODUCTIVE?

Katie: Other than scrubbing the toilets in my massive abode?

Billy: Yes.

Steward: I have to agree, it really is quite surprising.

Now that Hurse has put Evermore down it gives him a few precious seconds to crawl towards his corner. He stretches forth his hand for the tag only to once again find his partner lurking outside of the ring. Ace takes a seat, propping his back against the barricade and crossing his arms, absolutely refusing to budge. The look of pure dismay on Parkwood’s features causes the Black Widow to grin, unable to contain her smirk.

Robin: Obviously you need to learn a very valuable lesson, Steven. You don’t take title shots unless I say you can. Now get back in there!

The Master of Control is not living up to his moniker, finding himself absolutely powerless. His eyes cut towards a chuckling Marshall, who has the audacity to wave goodbye. Hurse sluggishly pulls himself up with the use of the cables, scornfully glaring at his ex and his tag team partner. This distraction leaves him unaware that Axl has fought his way back to an upright base behind him.

He finally does turn around and spot Evermore, prompting Hurse to rush in. The crowd warns the barely coherent Evermore, who reacts spur of the moment. He launches his foot into the air and catches the inbound Hurse with a kick to the gut before putting his jaw on his shoulder and delivering the Fully Loaded Stunner. Hurse’s head snaps back violently, his neck almost broken due to the whiplash.

Mayne: He just ran right into the stunner, that goof.

Steward: He’s even more useless than you are Minion.

Hurse is now completely sprawled across the canvas, devoid of any cognitive brain function whatsoever. Somehow, almost on instinct, he begins to turn, trying to force himself up, his body driven by rage and frustration. Even in his dazed condition Axl realizes that Hurse is trying to reach his feet, causing him to watch on in disbelief.

The exasperated Evermore stands up and then stomps his foot, perhaps setting up for a superkick. He steps back in anticipation of taking his opponent’s head off or shattering his glass jaw.

Mayne: This is gonna be painful.

Katie: Almost as painful as your voice.

Mayne: Hey now, my voice is heavenly.

Katie: No, my legs are heavenly, your voice is like a cruel mixture of Fran Drescher and Gilbert Gottfried.

Axl slams his foot against the canvas yet again, preparing for what should be a guaranteed match ender. Now that Hurse is up, he’s perfectly positioned for the ensuing knock out shot. After all the build up and drama Evermroe steps in to conclude this confrontation only to be slapped on the shoulder in the process. Evermore spins around just in time to be grabbed by the wrist and pulled into a short arm clothesline from Evans.

Billy: HA! That didn’t take very long.

Steward: This has to be the most ridiculous tag team match I’ve ever witnessed, granted I only ever watch my own matches, so I really have no basis for comparison.

Billy: I imagine no other matches ever stack up to the caliber of your own.

Steward: Naturally.

Evans grabs his bicep, hurting himself in the process of doing damage to Evermore. He grits through the pain though in order to charge up behind the still groggy Hurse and trap his arm. Before Hurse knows what’s happening he’s hoisted into the air and driven down back first straight across Pat’s elevated knee. The Spinal Tap connects with just enough force to spell the end for Mr. Parkwood.

Katie: It’s about time one of these idiots defeated the biggest jobber since Shark Boy.

Billy: I like Shark Boy.

Katie: I imagine his rump biting gets you all frisky.

Billy: Uhhh, is there something wrong with that?

The Fully Loaded Stunner and the Spinal Tap was the precise combination needed to put Hurse down for the count. Evans hooks his leg as the official slips into position and makes the count.

1

2

3!

The fans are split right down the middle, some erupting with elation, others begrudgingly bellowing with boos.

Steward: I hope Hurse learned a lesson from all this.

Billy: What lesson?

Steward: That he should never, EVER, fold my hand towels twice instead of three times like your Goddess demands.

While Robin would normally be bursting into a menstrual fit over Hurse’s loss on this occasion she seems elated. Everything played out EXACTLY how she had hoped, with her ex suffering for his transgressions.

What she hadn’t counted on was the dysfunction between Hurse’s opponents. Evans reaches his feet, celebrating and slapping his sternum repeatedly.

Evans: Did ya’ see, did ya’ see JON!?! I told ya’ I could be trusted, I told ya’ that I could be a team…..

Before he can even finish his sentence, Evans is spun around and cracked under the jaw with a superkick from Evermore. The stiff strike from Axl puts the fans on their feet, overwhelmed with emotion. As Pat plummets to the ring Axl erupts with his own display of emotion. He twists and turns throughout the ring, swinging his arms and kicking back his head like he were a madman.

Mayne: How these two just won this match is beyond me.

Steward: Ummmm, helllooooo, they were fighting Hurse.

Mayne: Oh, yeah, well that explains it then.

Official Fitzpatrick steps towards Axl, holding out his palms and trying to calm him down. His soothing technique does NOTHING, Evermore shoving him aside in the process of leaping towards the laid out Evans. He lands right beside him and immediately cuts lose with a barrage of right hands. His fist pummels Pat’s skull over and over again, making Evans pay for the many, many misdeeds that he’s committed against him throughout their looooong rivalry.

As this brawl takes up one portion of the ring on the opposite side Hurse is now being pinned down to the canvas by his wrists. Brooks kneels over her ex fiancée and grips his wrists just enough to leave him powerless to protect himself.

Brooks: My lesson isn’t over yet, Steven. DO IT!

She looks up at Ace who is in the process of removing a belt, stretching it out across his hands as he steps to the prone Hurse’s side. Without delay he brings the strap down across Hurse’s back, and then does so again. The sound of leather slapping and tearing skin can be heard throughout the Manhattan Center, causing several members of the crowd to cover their ears in disgust.

Mayne: Now Robin is having Ace give Hurse a spanking…….is it wrong for me to be slightly aroused by this?

Steward: On so many levels Minion, on so many levels.

Red streaks have been left across Hurse’s back as a result of the vicious lashings from Marshall. Meanwhile on the opposite side of the ring Evans and Evermore have worked their way to their feet. Both men are still exchanging right hands, fists connecting with both their faces as they spiral across the canvas.

The traumatized crowd watches these simultaneous onslaughts continue before every eye transitions from the ring to the stage, and for good reason. Now barreling down the ramp is Jon Rich.

Mayne: WHOA! I thought Rich was taken out.

Steward: Oh wonderful, he’s probably too stupid to even realize how much pain he’s in right now.

Billy: He could have had a free ride in an ambulance. He had better make good use of out healthcare system while we still have one.

Into the ring Rich slides before he immediately cuts lose. Ace turns and swings the belt at his skull only for Rich to duck it. The momentum of Marshall’s swing sends him into a spin, his back hitting the ropes. Jon then charges in and connects with a clothesline that sends Ace flipping over the ropes to the outside mats. With a clinched fist Rich turns towards Brooks, the Black Widow already rolling under the cables to safety.

Mayne: He dare not strike a pregnant woman.

Steward: I wouldn’t put it past him. You saw how much emotional abuse he inflicted on Katelyn.

Brooks quickly assists Ace to his feet as the pair gathers in front of the announce table. Marshall puts most of his weight on the table, Brooks having trouble supporting him. She seems far more preoccupied with furiously glaring into the ring, where Rich is now intervening in the brawl between Evermore and Evans.

Although Jon took quite the beating from the Five Star Society before this match he has absolutely no problem getting physical. He forces his hands to the sternums of Pat and Axl, desperately trying to push them apart. The two will not separate though, consumed with ending one another’s careers.

Finally, in an act of blind rage, Jon spins Pat around and slaps him as hard as he can across the cheek. He then does the exact same thing to Evermore.

Katie: Ha, I wouldn’t mind watching these three bitch slap each other all night long.

Billy: This is the only entertaining thing that Jon Rich has done in his whole IWC career.

Axl and Evans have been knocked to a knee by these brutal slaps, looking paralyzed with shock over Jon’s actions. They glare at the overly emotional Rich as he steps past them and takes a microphone from the ring announcer.

Rich: I’m sick of this….sick and tired….FED UP!

There is conviction in Jon’s elevated tone. He glares right back at the two kneeling combatants before him.

Jon: Every week it’s the same ordeal, it’s the same old shit with you two…..

Pat and Axl briefly exchange a glance.

Rich: You bicker, you bitch, you moan and you groan, you try to play me, you try to play each other, and you try to play all these fans….

The crowd pops as he points towards the masses.

Jon: Your petty issues have caused you BOTH to lose perspective.

Evermore and Evans are taken aback by these comments but for some reason they do not argue, they hang on every word that Jon utters.

Rich: Do the two of you even realize what’s at stake here, what we’re all supposed to be fighting for? We’re fighting to keep this company from being torn apart by the Five Star Society. We shouldn’t be squabbling with each other, we shouldn’t be bickering over who’s gonna get a tag title shot and who isn’t. None of that is important right now, none of it takes precedence over saving the IWC from the likes of the Five Star Society. THAT’S what we’re fighting for boys, THAT’S what’s important. Not your issues, not the Tag Team Titles, we need to be united, we need to come together and bring them down…..

He stops gesturing to the crowd long enough to point towards Brooks, Marshall and Katie Steward. As Axl and Evans peer towards the trio, Katie stands up behind her announce table and smirks.

Jon: You guys may not like each other, hell, you hate one another’s guts, I get that, but you need to be bigger than this. The IWC can’t afford to have the three of us losing focus and attacking each other. This company needs us to be bigger men, it needs us to stand together, it needs us to bring down the FSS. And that’s exactly what we’re going to do. I’m gonna bring us together one way or another, starting at 2 for 1 Special.

Everyone’s interest has been piqued.

Rich: At the pay-per-view the three of us our going to put our personal problems aside and TEAM UP. We’re all going to be on the same page when we step into the ring with a member of the SCW roster and take down the Five Star Society’s splinter cell, the Brat Pack!

Steward: WHAT!?! I never agreed to this. Quick, give me my contract.

Mayne: I don’t have it.

Steward: What are all those papers jammed in your briefcase then?

Billy: Doodles.

Needless to say Evans and Evermore are a bit surprised by this announcement. They nevertheless rise to their feet at Rich’s behest.

Jon: Get up, shake hands, and show the Five Star Society that we won’t be manipulated, that we won’t allow ourselves to be played. Show them that we’re bigger than our personal issues, that we can rise above them for the good of this company. Show the FSS that we are IWC through and through!

The overly emotional Rich, who can only stand thanks to his rush of adrenaline and endorphins, has seemingly done the impossible. Although seconds earlier Evans and Evermore were throwing fists now the inconceivable happens, they extend their hands not to continue their brawl but to shake hands.

Steward: Huh?

Mayne: I think my eyes just went crazy.

The fans are almost too shocked to cheer as they witness something they never thought they would see in a million years. Evans and Evermore stand before one another shaking hands. Although they exchange a very distrustful glare they continue to play nicey nice, realizing that Jon was 100% right, their personal problems need be second to their ultimate goal of destroying the Five Star Society. Their grip is only broken when Rich grabs them by the wrists and raises their arms high into the air.

Billy: This is like a nightmare, and not the normal nightmares I have involving Pewee Herman either. This is far, FAR worse.

Steward: I’m gonna be sick to my stomach.

Ace and Robin mumble under their breathes as Axl, Jon and Evans stand side by side in the ring, their arms raised high into the air.

SUMMIT

Porno Lad: I just want you to know that I really, really appreciate the three of you agreeing to this pow-wow.

The camera turns from the Original Prankster seated behind a desk to the stoic gazes of Psycho, the Submission Champion Jackson Adams, and the banged up Riggs. They glare menacingly at Porno Lad and his main squeeze, Kitty seated beside him on the phone with the hospital.

Porno Lad: Did anyone bring any dishes, like Chili, or key lime pie?

Jackson: That’s a pot luck, not a pow-wow.

Porno Lad tries to figure out the difference before Jackson moves the conversation along.

Jackson: And if by agree you mean being forced to come to this office by armed guards, then you would be correct.

Riggs: What makes you think we’d agree to meet you after the screwjob Christian just pulled out there?

Clearly the Painted Warrior/N.H.B Champion is still unsettled over being pinned earlier in the evening.

Porno Lad: Well I was thinking….

Psycho: I thought there was a court order against you doing that.

Porno Lad: AAAANNND….I thought you three were open to doing a little business.

Riggs: Do we look like business men?

Porno Lad: Actually you guys look like you came out of the cast for Joan of Arcadia. But commenting on your disfigurements is better saved for the jokes we tell behind your backs . There’s a ton of them.

Jackson: Did you not hear one word I said last week?

Porno Lad: If it wasn’t about Bea Arthur, then no, no I wasn’t paying attention.

Adams is almost too dumbfounded to speak.

Psycho: We’re not wheelers and dealers, we’re against secret meetings in smoke filled rooms….

Porno Lad: Then it’s probably a bad time for me to take up smoking cigars.

Jackson: It’s always a bad time PERIOD, when you try to manipulate us.

The second his fist thumps against the table, armed security guards step into the camera’s frame, hovering behind the backs of this dangerous trio.

Adams: We’re not going to be PLAYED. We’re not going to fall into your trap. We’re not going to sit back here and politic our way to victory. So take your ideas, take your propositions and shove them straight up your ass.

Porno Lad: That sounds a little painful.

Jackson: Just ask Katelyn how it feels to have something rammed up her rectum.

Porno Lad: She tells me about it all the time, a lot, too often in fact.

Jackson: We’re not like you Porno Lad, we’re the un-you. We don’t need politics, we don’t need SWERVES. We count on skill, on WRESTLING. That is your job, remember? To wrestle?

Porno Lad: The hell you say.

Riggs: So maybe you should come out from behind the desk and do your job for a change.

A chuckling Porno Lad falls back in his chair.

Riggs: We all saw how well that worked out for Orlando Cruze.

The grin only widens on PL’s face.

Porno Lad: Ahhh, hearing about Orlando’s misfortune always brightens my day.

Adams: So bottom line, Porno Lad, CAN your schemes and lace up your boots. I will team with you tonight, on one condition, you actually wrestle!

Porno Lad: Are you sure, because I have an AWESOME swerve in mind.

Jackson: NO!

The prankster pouts.

Porno Lad: Did I mention that it involves run ins?

Group: NOOOOO!

Porno Lad nearly jumps out of his seat and every guard tightens their grip on their pistols.

Jackson: Listen. Psycho, Riggs, they’re staying backstage, that’s where I expect you to leave the Five Star Society. We’re going to play this match STRAIGHT UP. No shenanigans, no nothing, just wrestling. I want neither Zero or Johnny “Cry Baby” Kingdom to have any excuses when I force them to tap out.

Porno Lad: Hmmmm, alright. You drive a hard bargain.

Jackson: Uhhhh, I’m not propositioning anything. I’m not like the guys who call Katelyn at all hours of the night.

Kitty: I can’t take anymore of this…

Kitty stands up, claws extending towards Jackson’s face. She is quickly subdued by Porno Lad and forced back into her chair.

Adams: All I’m saying is that you had better be ready to WRESTLE! If your not going to compete and if I get the faintest whiff of some type of screw job then there will be repercussions.

The now tightly affiliated unit vacates the dressing room. Riggs lingers behind for a moment to observe both Porno Lad and the restrained Kitty with a sneer. He finally joins his comrades in forcing their way through security and out the door.

Porno Lad: Well, all and all I think that went splendidly.

All Kitty can do is roll her eyes.

Kitty: Do you honestly think you can trust him out there tonight? Really? Those three JUMPED US last week…..they have a vendetta against the Five Star Society, you in particular.

Porno Lad: I can’t imagine why, considering how oh so huggable I am. And relax. We already have our little insurance policy in place.

Christian: THAT’S IT!

Through the door and through security storms the Rising Phoenix. With no inhibition the banged up Savior hauls off and kicks the desk, almost driving it back into Porno Lad. The impact causes Porno Lad to leap to his feet, looking irate over such an intrusion.

Porno Lad: What bug crawled up your ass?

Savior: Where were you, huh’, HUH!?!

His palms slam against the desk which he almost flips over in a fit. All Porno Lad can do is hold out his palms and try to calm his colleague down.

Porno Lad: I have no idea what your talking about!

Christian: Do you honestly think I’m that stupid? You know exactly what I’m talking about.

PL and Kitty shake their heads while simultaneously shrugging.

Savior: When I was getting jumped out there in the ring earlier by the very three Neanderthals I just saw leave MY office, where was the Five Star Society? Where were you?

Porno Lad: I had business, and sense when do I have to tell you my whereabouts? This isn’t a relationship Christian, you didn’t even give me anything for Valentine’s Day.

Christian: Cut the crap and talk to me like a man, Ethan. You’ve been playing games with me for too long. First you bring in Ace Marshall without even telling me. THEN, you go and have Orlando Cruze jumped when I specifically told everyone not to lay a finger on him….

Porno Lad: You have no proof that I was behind that….

Savior:….then you let Jason pin me for the World Championship, and now, tonight you don’t even show up to help me when I’m being mobbed in the ring? What are you up to? What game are you playing this time?

Porno Lad is forced to sigh once again while rubbing the patch of flesh between his eyes.

Porno Lad: Christian, I think it’s been long overdue sense the two of us had a heart to heart. So why don’t you sit down and we can patch things up? I really think Dan would want us to be more ergonomic.

Christian: I could give a steaming shit what Dan wants.

Porno Lad: Then for the sake of the Five Star Society, let’s rap.

The flustered Savior drops into a chair and prepares to air all of his grievances.

Porno Lad: Kitty, babe…

He slaps her gently on the thigh to get her attention.

Porno Lad: Why don’t you go talk to our guests and make sure their set, my match is in just a few minutes.

A grinning Kitty leans over and kisses Porno Lad on the cheek before sashaying from the office. The cameras follow her as she steps out of the office and into the hallway. She continues to flash her pearly whites as she moves down corridor. She probably wouldn’t be smiling if she knew what was lingering behind her. With his back propped against the wall and his arms crossed, Johnny Kingdom watches Kitty walk away with menacing eyes.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Epic Gratuitous Nudity

R&R

Fox: Someone seriously needs to get fired over all these electrical issues. I mean, there's a friggin power outage every week.

All Medea can do is nod her head as she and Fox make their way through the corridor.

Arcane: First my lockeroom is ramsacked, then my lift gets sabotaged, and my entrance music, my super sexy, ubber cool entrance music gets ruined. There's something fishy around here and for once it's not Katie Steward's breathe.

Medea: Fox, relax, relax. Just calm down.

She tries to soothe him by sliding her palms down his cheeks, but after the debacle earlier tonight nothing can calm him down.

Fox: I'd just feel so much better if there was a member of the production staff bent over in front of me so I can shove my boot so far up his ass he chokes on my laces.

Medea: Now don't go wasting too much energy Fox....

His eyebrow arches.

Fox: Why's that?

Medea: Well....

She's suddenly coy.

Medea: Let's just say I have a big surprise waiting for you on the next Riot!

Arcane: Ewww, consider my interest piqued. Can you give me a hint?

Medea: No, I don't want to ruin the surprise silly.....

Her finger runs up and down his arm as she teases him with such alluring statements. As he moves his face towards her, lips drawn to her own, their romantic embrace is ruined by the sound of clapping. Fox quickly looks away, eyes darting towards "Bad" Billy Mitchell stepping up the hallway and just passing them by. He turns as he walks around Arcane, keeping his eyes on Fox and Medea and continuing to clap all the while. As he backs away from the duo they turn towards one another and shrug.

Fox: You know, if this wasn't the IWC that would have seemed strange to me.

JOHNNY KINGDOM & JASON ZERO
VS.
PORNO LAD & JACKSON ADAMS

The cameras are operational, bringing us back to this riveting edition of Riot! pre 2 For 1 Special.

Mayne: We’re back live once again on a night that has been chalk full of offbeat shenanigans. And truth be told, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Katie: I could go for a little more camera time.

Billy: For your face not to be on camera every other second is an offense punishable by death.

Steward: For once we’re in complete…..oh great, here comes someone to steal my screen time.

Billy: Unacceptab….wait, that’s Kitty Buehler.

A terrified Kitty comes rushing through the curtains, frantically glancing over her shoulder. Beads of sweat stream down her pale white flesh, looking as if she’s seen a ghost.

Mayne: What is she….no, not again, stay away from her Kingdom!

Katie: Yeah, stay away from any woman, the thought of his seed spawning offspring is truly, truly horrifying.

The motivation behind Kitty’s horror becomes clear the moment Johnny Kingdom storms through the curtains. Like a monster from a John Carpenter film, the Team Leader methodically strolls down the ramp, going right after Porno Lad’s significant other.

Mayne: Where is security, where are they? Kingdom is stalking Kitty, and it’s not the same type of stalking I practice in the bushes outside of the Buehler estate.

Steward: I find myself a bit confused yet again, should I act, or should I sit here and keep looking at my oh so perfect nose in this mirror. Stay tuned for the answer.

For some inexplicable reason Kitty slides into the ring, her mind so overwhelmed with fear that she’s clearly not thinking straight. She crawls across the squared circle, eyes racing back and forth as Johnny starts up the steps to the apron. He now slips through the cables and continues right after Porno Lad’s wife, taking his vendetta out on all those the Original Prankster holds near and dear to his heart.

Mayne: Do something Kitty, you’re a wrestler, you actually have training, use it!

As Kingdom enters the ring Kitty realizes she needs to grow a spine. On behalf of her own safety, and out of some misguided vengeance for her sister, Kitty rushes right at the former World Champion, throwing wild haymakers and stomps. Johnny finds himself backed into a corner as Kitty continues her onslaught. That’s when she makes a fatal error by stepping back instead of maintaining the pressure. She then charges straight at Kingdom, who side steps her, grabs the back of her head and launches her right through the ropes, shoulder first into the exposed turnbuckle post.

Mayne: NOOO. He may have ruined her perfect clavicle.

Kitty bemoans her injury and her circumstances, especially as she’s grabbed by the wrist, swung around and then yanked forward into an absolutely vicious short arm clothesline. The damage inflicted on her collar bone is irreparable. Kingdom realizes this as he forces her over onto her stomach, drops down at her side and traps the arm between his knees. To a loud reaction from the crowd he interlocks his hands around Kitty’s jaw and pulls back, applying the crossface.

Mayne: This is terrible, horrible, HORRENDOUS. This is like watching a snuff film.

Katie: I’m sure you’ve seen your fair share of them.

Billy: Some of them are tasteful and artistic, everything Johnny Kingdom isn’t.

Kitty’s arm is on the verge of being ripped from her socket when salvation finally arrives. Down the ramp rushes Ace Marshall, Porno Lad , Paris Dannon and Autumn Daniels, all four individuals sliding into the ring.

Mayne: Alright, FINALLY, help has arrived. Now take out this bald bastard once and for all.

Porno Lad is the first man in the ring and immediately puts the boots to the Team Leader. Johnny breaks the hold, albeit not by choice, rolls to his feet and starts exchanging fists with the Original Prankster. The crowd salivates as these two forces collide, fists flying between both of their cheeks. It doesn’t stay one on one for long because Ace throws himself shoulder first into Kingdom’s ribs, pushing him spine first into a turnbuckle.

Kingdom blasts him to the upper back with forearm strikes until Porno Lad, Paris and Autumn all come to Ace’s aid. Despite the fact that Johnny is successfully drilling them all to their surgically enhanced faces the numbers game is just too much for him to handle. The four on one advantage is far too daunting for even the four time World Champion to overcome.

Steward: They’re beating him like Ike beat Tina.

Mayne: And he deserves every bit of what he’s getting, A) because he’s Johnny Kingdom, and B)……because he’s Johnny Kingdom.

Katie: Wonderfully put.

As Kitty rolls across the ring gripping at her shoulder her husband gets some retribution on her behalf. He pops Johnny under the jaw with right hands and in a fit of rage actually tries to choke him with both hands. This mugging continues until the houselights melt away, blanketing all in darkness.

Mayne: Oh cooooommme oooooon.

Steward: I really, really hope that this really is a rolling black out, because otherwise it could only mean one thing.

The lights remain out for several seconds before the ring is finally illuminated, revealing the World Heavyweight Champion crouched in a corner. With Kassie cheering him from ringside Jason Zero storms across the ring, Ace Marshall trying to cut him off with a lariat. Zero ducks it and Ace whips around right into a thrust kick under the jaw. The stiff strike knocks him to the canvas while Autumn rushes in to take up the fight on his behalf.

Zero turns just in time to catch Autumn with a move he use to call the Claim to Fame, planting her into the ring with the sky high press.

Mayne: AHHHH!

Katie: Goddess damn Zero and his spunkiness.

The World Champion has all the speed of a runaway freight train as he rolls to his feet and now comes to blows with Porno Lad. Once again the crowd erupts with excitement at the sight of these two trading shots back and forth. To Porno Lad’s dismay however, he finds himself on the losing end of this exchange. He staggers back with each blow before he’s finally taken down via a dropsault. The Prankster hits the canvas then goes rolling across it, eventually spilling under the ropes to the outside of the ring.

Zero then reaches his feet with Kassie screaming at him to watch out. He turns just in time to catch Paris by the ankle as she went for a kick to his lower extremities. The foot is shoved down to the canvas and as soon as Paris plants herself she’s nailed under the jaw by the Champ’s leaping knee strike. Kassie claps excitedly at the sight of Dannon hitting the canvas while her client towers above her and all the other bodies he’s left in his wake.

Mayne: Somehow, someway I hate Zero even more…..YEAH!

Although Jason has been as quick as a fired bullet he was unable to protect himself from the unprettier. Adams slipped right into the ring undetected, caught the arms of Zero and spun him around into this face crushing collision with the canvas.

Billy: Somehow, someway I like Jackson Adams even more….NO!

Katie: Would you finish a thought please?

Adams stands over the laid out Zero wearing a chestire smirk on his face. The grin is removed the moment he turns around and is nearly decapitated by a roaring elbow from the Team Leader. The forearm connects directly to Jackson’s teeth, almost shattering every chicklet in his mouth.

Mayne: How dare he attack someone when their back was turned. That is so Johnny Kingdom.

Steward: That is so everyone on the IWC roster.

Johnny pulls Jackson’s head up with one arm and uses the other to lob a series of vicious right hands into his face. The Submission Champion is out of it, unable to register much in the way of a defense as the Team Leader continues this onslaught. He pummels the skull of Adams over and over again, each shot a vengeful one. He nails Adams in the face for costing his team the match at Extinction. He jabs in the skull of attacking him last week. He nails Jackson with a brutal strike for playing a hand in costing him the World Heavyweight Title.

The strikes do not end until Porno Lad re-enters the ring and rushes straight at the Team Leader. This time Johnny isn’t about to let him throw the first strike. He stands up, reaches out and hooks the creases of Porno Lad’s legs, lifting them up into the air. Porno Lad crashes to his back and Johnny attempts to step through the legs to presumably apply the sharpshooter. However, Porno Lad is quick enough to avoid it, shimmying across his back and eventually rolling out of Kingdom’s clutches to the outside of the ring.

Mayne: Good thing Porno Lad is so quick and nimble.

Steward: Well, from what Kitty told me, he isn’t nearly as fast in other areas, although she does rave about his flexibility.

Billy: Other areas?

Steward: Ugh….in the sack.

Mayne: Huh?

Katie: SCREWING.

Billy: Ohhhh, now I get it.

Steward: It’s a miracle your mother didn’t just eat you when you came out of her womb.

The revved up Kingdom glares through the ropes at Porno Lad who is now seated on the apron, staring right back at him. All the hatred and animosity between both men boils to the surface unable to break their gaze. They continue this staring contest until Johnny feels something, or more accurately, someone behind his back. He spins around with his fist cocked only to find himself face to face with the World Champion, Jason Zero.

Mayne: Go ahead, hit each other, you know you want to.

Both men’s fists are clinched, on the brink of unloading yet they hesitate. Perhaps it’s the fact that they’re supposed to be teammates that keeps them from exchanging rights. Whatever the reason may be the two seem content with locking eyes, their expressions speaking volumes. Their stare-down is ended the moment Porno Lad rushes up behind Kingdom, hits him with a forearm and knocks him right into Zero. The two legendary competitors are toppled to the canvas with the Original Prankster towering above them.

Mayne: He took them both out like he were the bowling ball and they were both his pins.

Steward: Did you stay up all night long writing that analogy?

Mayne: No, just half the night.

On the outside of the ring referee Fitzpatrick is barking at the Five Star Society members huddled at the edge of the ramp. He gestures to the backstage area, demanding that they leave right now or face possible suspension. Surprisingly they don’t put up much of a fight given their injured conditions. Kitty has her arms draped over the shoulders of Ace Marshall and Autumn Daniels, the two assisting her to the backstage area while Paris sneers at the official. She eventually follows her comrades while in the squared circle Porno Lad’s eyes follow his wounded opponents.

This is right up until he’s grabbed by the shoulder and spun around, finding himself mono a mono with the Submission Champion. Adams goes nose to nose with the Original Prankster, the two immediately talking smack to one another.

Mayne: Come on guys, come on, let cooler heads prevail. I know you two were kicking each other’s asses last week but your both bigger men, you can set aside your petty grudges. Just look at Axl Evermore and Pat Evans earlier.

Steward: I wouldn’t suggest anyone do that, unless they want vision damage.

Billy: I thought these two had a peace summit earlier, I thought everything between them was copasetic.

Jackson repeatedly points down at Kingdom, telling the Original Prankster that he, and HE ALONE, is going to end the Team Leader tonight. He goes to make good on his vow, turning towards Kingdom only to be grabbed by the wrist and yanked back. Porno Lad gets up in his grill and informs Adams that HE wants the Team Leader for attacking his wife just moments ago.

With Fitzpatrick chiming the bell in the background its clear that neither Adams nor Porno Lad are ready for this match or to be a tag team. Their egos continue to spiral out of control until Jason Zero rushes across the ring, steps off of the back of a crawling Kingdom and launches himself into a stereo dropkick to both their chests. Porno Lad hits the canvas, as does the Submission Champion, the two simultaneously grabbing at their respective sternums.

Mayne: A piece of me dies every time I see Zero hit an offensive move.

Steward: Especially when it’s against a member of the Five Star Society. Against Adams, I could give it or take it, doesn’t really matter.

Billy: Zero being successful period makes my skin crawl.

As Zero gets to his feet he turns to face the seated Kingdom, Johnny looking wide eyed and angry that he was just used as a prop. Jason shrugs and then turns his focus back to his opponents. Adams is utilizing the ropes to reach his feet when Jason steps in and cracks him across the jaw with a right hand followed by a knife edge chop across the sternum. He falls backwards into the ropes and is then taken by the wrist, being whipped directly across the ring.

Johnny stands up and catches the inbound Adams with a tilt a whirl into the back-breaker.

Mayne: Ohhh no. Johnny literally breaking Jackson’s back. Wasn’t it bad enough that he metaphorically broke Jackson’s back whenever Adams had to carry his worthless ass through every match?

Adams grabs at his kidneys and goes rolling across the ring to the safety of his corner. Johnny then stands up and makes eye contact with Zero yet again.

The Original Prankster tries to capitalize on this distraction, rushing across the apron and throwing a lariat over the ropes directly at Zero’s head. Jason ducks it, rushes into the perpendicular cables, springs from the middle rope then twists into a dropkick right on Porno Lad’s shoulder. The kick sends Ethan flying from the apron chest first into the steel barricade. He bounces off and eventually collides with the mats.

Billy: This just keeps getting worse and worse and worse, just like the sequels to Nightmare on Elm Street.

Steward: This IS a nightmare. Far worse than that dream I had where Blake Mason was the SCW World Champion and people actually gave a damn what Blake did.

Mayne: Thankfully, that’s never gonna happen.

Katie: Indeed.

Zero stands up and grabs the top rope, Johnny doing the same on the opposite side of the ring. Adams and PL reach their feet just in time for Kingdom and Jason to come flying over the ropes into simultaneous cross bodies. Kingdom connects with Jackson, bringing him down forcefully to the outside mats while Zero nails the Prankster. The fans are going absolutely nuts, almost blowing the roof off of the Manhattan Center as the two work together.

Mayne: My Goddess, this is a worse team up than the Wonder Twins.

Jason quickly gets to his feet and grabs Porno Lad by his well kempt hair, utilizing it to force him up to his feet. He immediately drags him towards the steel steps, pulls back on his head and then drives him down face first into the stairs. Porno Lad falls against them, his arm draped over the steel to maintain his kneeling base. With his opponent in a very prone position, Zero backs across the mats and scrapes his feet like he were a bull on the verge of a gore. Kassie cheers him on as Jason barrels forward before eventually launching himself straight at the Original Prankster.

Just before he can connect Porno Lad stands up, side steps his adversary and pushes the World Champion along skull first right into the stairs. The steps barely budge as the top of Zero’s head cracks into them.

Mayne: Porno Lad finally getting something going.

Katie: He was merely playing possum is all. I employ the same strategy whenever I’m down on the canvas being worked over, gives me time to take a breather in between being awesome.

On the other side of the ring Kingdom has Jackson propped up spine first against the barricade as he chops away at his sternum. The crowd “woos” with each scintillating chop that has left Adams’ chest blood red. The strikes finally end when Kingdom nails Adams with one so vicious it sends him flipping up and over the barrier into the crowd.

Steward: Excellent, their brawling into the crowd, now they’ll be lost in the masses and we won’t have to endure either of their faces the rest of the night.

Kingdom steps over the barricade and continues after Adams, who uses members of the crowd as crutches to reach his feet. He turns around just as Kingdom blasts him to the jaw with a straight right hand that sends him spiraling through the audience. Jackson shoves his way past members of the crowd and up a set of stairs with Johnny nipping at his heels all the way.

Mayne: Where are they going?

Katie: To find paper bags to put over their heads hopefully.

Zero rolls into the ring, put there by Porno Lad who is taking his sweet time climbing to the apron. He reaches his feet and then grabs the top rope, launching himself over while twisting in mid-air. He comes down with a basic splash right across Zero’s chest before hooking the Champion’s leg. Fitzpatrick slips into position, making the count.

1

2

Jason gets his shoulder up seconds before he could be pinned. A flustered Prankster grabs Jason around the neck, pulling him up to his feet then delivering an open hand palm strike right across the sternum. Zero doubles over, trying to protect his chest before he’s taken by the wrist and shot off across the ring.

To Porno Lad’s surprise Jason is about to counter, or at least tries to. He turns and reverses the whip only to have his reversal reversed by the Prankster. Porno Lad drops to the canvas in the process of whipping Zero into the turnbuckle, causing Jason to hit it with such force that he flips up and onto his seat across the top rope.

Jason then falls back to his feet on the ring, staggering back into Porno Lad who takes him around the waist, dropping into a rolling German suplex.

Mayne: Oh, that’s it, that’s the meal ticket, Porno Lad about to pin the Champion.

The official gets in position and makes the count once again.

1

2

Jason defies odds by launching his arm free from the canvas at the last conceivable second. Porno Lad sits up, swiping his palms down his face and shaking his head in a distraught manner.

Billy: WHAT!?! Are you telling me this is still going?

Steward: I’m not telling you anything, I don’t even like speaking to you period.

Mayne: It must still be going because look at what’s happening on the balcony.

In one of the many balconies contained in the Manhattan Center the brawl between Jackson and Johnny escalates. Kingdom hits his former protégé under the jaw with an uppercut that sends him collapsing into the barricade, almost spilling over it and plunging to the concrete one story beneath him.

Johnny gets a running start, intent on putting Jackson down to floor far below and inflicting numerous injuries. Before he can connect he’s caught against Adams’ shoulder, Jackson standing up and attempting to back drop the Team Leader from the balcony. He reaches out and catches the barrier just before he could be sent sailing to an ultimate demise. He then shifts his weight, comes back down to his feet and in the process grabs Jackson around the neck, pulling him down into a front chancery.

Mayne: He isn’t….he wouldn’t…..he’s not about to hit Jackson with an Exodus Finale from the balcony is he?

Steward: Would that really be such a bad thing?

Billy: Well no, not really.

It seems Kingdom is on the verge of ending Jackson’s career until Adams counters. He wraps his feet around Kingdom’s ankle and drop toe holds him directly into the barricade. Johnny’s jaw cracks off of the steel and his body twists to the ground.

Mayne: So much for that.

Kassie watches the action in the ring with a look of horror, forced to observe Zero being seated on the top rope and placed in a headlock. Porno Lad is on the brink of delivering the Tower of London. He drags the enigmatic Champion until only his ankles are positioned over the top rope and prepares to plant him with the diamond cutter to the canvas.

Jason isn’t about to go down that easily, he frees his feet from the ropes and drops them to the canvas. He then wraps his arms around Porno Lad’s waist and tries to German suplex him back first into the turnbuckle. Porno Lad is just as resilient though, planting his feet and then pushing back, driving Jason spine first into the corner. As a result of the being sandwiched between his opponent and the corner, Zero is forced to break the waist lock. His arms fall over the cables, keeping himself upright.

Porno Lad steps to the center of the ring, turns and gets a running start before leaping into a knee strike.

His knee nails Zero in the temple and makes his whole body go limp.

Billy: Now this match is really starting to get enjoyable.

Steward: Yes, as long as Porno Lad can remain productive and I’m on commentary you can do no wrong.

Porno Lad traps Zero’s neck in a side headlock and now rushes out of the corner, going for the bulldog. He leaps into the air just as Jason wedges his hands to his back and shoves him off. As a result Porno Lad gets some height before eventually plummeting spine first into the ring.

He arches his back and roars from the pain coursing through his body, but he’s yet to feel the full wrath of the World Champion. Jason does not hesitate, he gets a running start before leaping into the air and delivering a standing shooting star press. He comes down right on top of Porno Lad, knocking all the air out of his body and then hooking his leg. Kassie slaps the apron in conjunction with the referee making the count.

1

2

Mayne: I can’t watch, let me shove my face in your breasts to shield my eyes.

Steward: For the last time no.

The referee’s hand is inches from the canvas before the pinfall is broken. Zero is grabbed by the ankle and dragged off of the cover to the outside of the ring by Adams. Jackson then steps in to lay Zero out only to have his fist blocked and for the former masked competitor to deliver a straight buzzsaw kick to the side of the Submission Champion’s skull.

Jackson turns and falls into the apron, looking incredibly groggy as a result of this brain scrambling strike. Jason then grabs him by the hair and rolls him into the ring before climbing to the apron and preparing to take flight. Adams staggers to his feet just as Zero leaps into the air, twists around while still holding the top rope and drops both legs onto his shoulders.

He now releases the cables and swings around into the head scissors, flipping Jackson over across the ring. Adams hits the squared circle then rolls across it to his knees. The seemingly unstoppable Zero leaps to his feet and then into action, barreling straight towards Adams who suddenly jumps up from his knees and drills the Champion across the throat with a lariat.

The clothesline connects with such force that it sends Jason flipping over backwards and eventually crashing across his stomach.

Billy: HA-HA. That was gorgeous.

Katie: No, gorgeous is Katie Steward, your Goddess of Desire. That, that was as butt ugly as Sasha Drachewych without her make-up.

Jackson struggles to his feet and then looks across the ring at Porno Lad who is also trying to stand. Both men make eye contact for a few moments before nodding and going to work on the World Champion. They simultaneously deliver stomps to his already traumatized body, inflicting loads of damage. Finally Jackson shoves Porno Lad back so he can extend his leg and drop it across Jason’s throat.

The moment he reaches his feet he’s pushed aside by an angry Porno Lad, who is determined to one up his partner. He lunges into the air and falls knee first into Zero’s features.

Mayne: Excellent, excellent, they’re working as a team now. Or well, as close to a team as they can.

Porno Lad doesn’t get out of the way fast enough for Jackson’s liking so he assists him with yet another shove. Once his partner is out of the way Jackson grabs the top rope, springs off the middle one and comes down with a stomp directly to Zero’s face. Kassie is grief stricken at ringside, slapping the apron with both palms and pleading for Jason to get up.

He does stand, albeit not by his own power. Porno Lad forces him up to his feet and then decks him across the forehead, putting him right back down. This onslaught continues until Kingdom comes sliding back into the ring all fired up and very, very heated. Porno Lad is the first to be subjected to his wrath. He charges in and throws a right that is blocked then countered with a chop across the chest.

Mayne: Damn him, damn him, DAMN HIM.

Johnny unleashes a series of chops, one after another, after another, after another. The strikes have Porno Lad all disorientated, his feet barely able to hold him up. Finally one last chop topples the Prankster, putting him to the canvas. Johnny then turns just as Jackson comes charging in, catching him with an Atomic Drop on top of his knee. The crotched Adams hops around holding his genitals before Kingdom takes him by the back of the head, rushes him towards the ropes and throws him through to the outside.

The Team Leader steps back to the center of the ring eyeing Adams on the outside. He eventually turns around just as Porno Lad throws a right hand. This prompts Kingdom to sidestep the blow, grab Porno Lad’s arm and force him down into the Lesson in Leadership. The Prankster feels the very pain that Kitty was subjected to moments ago. His palm lifts into the air and is on the brink of slapping the canvas.

Steward: Okay, time to use my psychic capabilities again to make another head explode.

Mayne: We should really film a sequel to Scanners. Although, wait, I think there’s like twenty of them already.

Porno Lad’s neck feels like it’s about to snap, causing him to lower his palm to the canvas only to ball up his fist before he can tap. Before Porno Lad can indulge his pain via a submission, Jackson comes sliding back into the ring now holding a steel chair. He lifts it above his head and comes charging in at Kingdom, unconcerned with being disqualified. Johnny breaks the hold though and cuts Adams off with a boot to the ribs, causing him to drop the steel and double over.

Kingdom then drills him across the temple with a stiff right hand that brings Jackson down to a knee. All the while Zero is resurrecting himself, standing up just as Porno Lad tries to take the Champion’s head off with the Epic Fail. His boot just misses Zero’s head by mere centimeters. As a result Porno Lad spins around right into a hurricarana from his adversary.

Jason leaps into the air, lands on Porno Lad’s shoulders and twists his body. PL staggers into the ropes as Zero drops back, delivering a hurricarana that sends them both crashing to the outside mats.

Mayne: That idiot Zero just took himself AND Porno Lad out. I think that mask he use to wear cut off all the oxygen flow to his brain.

Katie: But it did a great job of hiding that HORRID face. It’s like Jason stepped out of a George Romero movie.

So much pain courses through Porno Lad’s body that he can’t even stand on his own two feet. All he can do is crawl across the mats, trying to create some space between himself and the World Champion. Eventually he ends up grabbing at the barricade, pulling himself around to his seat. After using the apron to reach his feet Jason spots his opponent in this prone position.

A grin actually cracks Jason’s face as he prepares to destroy the Original Prankster.

Mayne: Come on Porno Lad, get up and do something, fight, dance, sing, SOMETHING.

Katie: Please, no, no karaoke. I don’t want to hear Porno Lad’s rendition of “Do You Really Want To Hurt Me.”

Porno Lad is doing something, he’s raising his palms and begging off. Jason looks a tad confused, having never seen the number one contender plead for his life before today. He only becomes more perplexed when two faces pop up in the front row, all too familiar faces. Before he can respond Justin Davis throws a right hand over the top rope directly into Jason’s temple, knocking him to the mats with a thud.

The fans are stunned as Davis AND Gable Winchester from SCW climb over the barrier and immediately put the boots to the shocked World Champion.

Mayne: WHAT!?! Two more SCW competitors are here and they’re beating the hell out of Zero. I’m both simultaneously happy and enraged at the same time, mostly because I’m obligated to despise SCW.

Steward: Don’t be too excited, it’s just Justin Davis and Gable Winchester. They’re SCW’s equivalent of Bob and Ron Raeth.

The emotional crowd unloads all over these two SCW competitors with a verbal fury. They don’t listen to the boos, all they hear are Jason’s bones crunching under their boots. It’s at this point that Porno Lad grins the grandest of all grins, his plan coming to fruition.

Mayne: Wait, what’s with that grin…..oh, now I get it. Davis and Winchester are the guys we saw with Porno Lad earlier tonight. Brilliant, absolutely BRILLIANT!

Katie: Well, they are scheduled to team up with Porno Lad at 2 For 1 Special to take on Kingdom, and some other randomly thrown together people. So I guess it makes sense for them to ensure that Porno Lad is 100% and to screw Johnny over here tonight by taking out his tag team partner.

Billy: Thanks for explaining everything and tying it up with a nice little ribbon.

Steward: That’s why I’m here. Well, that, and to just be incredible.

The blatant interference goes unnoticed by the referee as he’s currently too preoccupied with the war inside of the ring. The Team Leader is unloading on Adams with punches and forearm shivers before he eventually grabs the very chair that Jackson brought into the ring. Kingdom is ready to use it to his own advantage, slamming the steel against the canvas and then pulling it back over his shoulder.

Before he can unload with his weapon of choice it’s snatched out of his hands by an overzealous official. Fitzpatrick takes the chair away from Kingdom and then tosses it through the ropes to the outside. If Johnny could shoot laser beams from his eyes his gaze would be melting the referee at this point. He turns and shouts at the referee for interfering before spinning back to face Adams who catches him with the Plunge!

Mayne: WHOA! I think I just orgasmed.

Steward: That wouldn’t even surprise me.

Billy: Jackson just delivered….whatever he calls that thing….to Kingdom.

Everyone in the building watches with dropped jaws as Jackson hooks Kingdom’s leg and the official makes the count.

1

2

3

The building rumbles with boos and cheers as Adams has just PINNED Johnny Kingdom. “Break” by Three Days Grace hits the PA system as Adams rises to his knees and pumps his fists high above his head, celebrating this major, earth shaking victory.

Mayne: Outstanding, absolutely outstanding, Jackson Adams has pinned his former mentor. He just beat Kingdom, he BEAT HIM.

Steward: You say that as if it means something.

Billy: Oh I’m sure it does for Adams, it means a lot, a whole lot. This is validation.

The victor reaches his feet with both arms raised high in victory. He almost loses his footing but catches himself and continues to celebrate. Eventually he falls into the ropes as he continues to celebrate what may be the biggest win of his IWC career.

Mayne: Adams has pinned Kingdom clean in the center of the ring. This is huge for Jackson as he, Porno Lad, Justin Davis, Gable Winchester and Hunter head into that ten man tag at 2 For 1 Special against Kingdom and his rag tag group of teammates. What a win, what a Riot! It should be interesting to see what’s gonna happen when IWC and SCW are under the same roof for the first time ever on pay-per-view.

Steward: Meh’, could be fun, could be a clusterfuck of epic proportions. I’m leading towards the latter of those two options.

Davis and Winchester continue pulverizing Zero with Porno Lad standing back laughing diabolically. All the while inside of the ring Jackson is crouched down over Kingdom, staring into his eyes.

Adams: I beat you tonight and I’ll beat you at 2 For 1 Special, because I’m everything your not, I’m a WRESTLER.

Jackson now stands up straight and lifts his fist high into the air to a mixed reaction from the crowd.

FADE TO BLACK