WHO’S THE BOSS?

Don’t expect to see Tony Danza, that adorable little blond haired runt, or any awkward walking in on someone in the shower scenes in this column. The title may be a rip off, but not the actual material, okay, maybe a little.

Over the past year the IWC loyalists have endured constant torment in the form of verbal jabs and questionable business decisions from an unknown owner. Ever since the ULW went out of operations and sold all their assets to an unknown party, things have certainly gotten intriguing. Besides concealing their identity, the owner has made several rather emo-ish comments on the main webpage, pleading for some attention and outraged by an apparent lack of respect. The Owner has also stacked the deck in the favors of several competitors, forced Johnny Kingdom to come out of retirement by implicating him as the cause of this conspiracy, and hired Sallie and Krissie to make the lives of Orlando Cruze and Nathan Creed miserable.

But now, in four days the mystery is over and the Owner will finally be revealed. Therefore this column will round up all the usual suspects and give you clues as to the possible identity of our twisted employer.

JASON SEAGREEN

The days of Jason Seagreen’s control over the ULW will certainly live in infamy. If these days are repeated we’ll certainly be in for more questionable booking decisions, increasingly more random commercial interruptions, and far more women fighting in pudding for no reason. For Seagreen, it was all about the ratings, and at the same time forcing the talent to adhere to the Network’s strict restrictions. Having been put in place by the Network after the mysterious disappearance of Sheryl Gray, Seagreen’s reign as owner ushered in a mighty wave of controversy. Under the Network’s tyrannical reign, Johnny Kingdom left the company, taking a sabbatical. This could be why Johnny was implicated and framed by the mystery Boss, assuming that he’s Jason Seagreen. There is more evidence that would imply that Seagreen is the new Owner, as he welds control over many forms of media, including the internet, meaning he’d have the computer skills and ties necessary to post the messages we’ve seen on the official website. Also, in the past Seagreen quite enjoyed tormenting the whole roster, from the World Champion down to Bob, which has become the mystery owner’s motivation over the past year. If Seagreen is revealed as the owner, you can expect a lot more awkward merchandise mentions and game show rip offs.

MARK COMEAU

No General Manager has lasted as long as Mark Comeau in the proverbial hot seat. For two years Mark dealt with unbelievable pressure from the roster and President Sheryl Gray, yet constantly rose above it. It wasn’t until he was forced out of the ULW by the same group he created, the Alpha Generation, that Comeau finally stepped down as General Manager. If there is any men who would have a personal grudge against the IWC’s roster, it would be Comeau. Throughout his tenure as GM, a job he won by defeating Edward Hayden and Jason Seagreen, Mark made it clear that he felt disrespected and unappreciated. His paranoia soon transformed into bitterness, turning his hostilities against the entire roster. No one felt the brunt of his punishment more than Desolation and AWOL, who combined to overcome the many obstacles that Mark put before them, including the first incarnation of the Alpha Generation. Having his own group then turn against him and kick him out of the company was enough to send Comeau over the edge. He’s always wanted to return to power in the IWC and seek his revenge, perhaps now he finally has. A man as manipulative as Comeau could easily pull off this elaborate conspiracy, but would the Gray’s have sold their company to a man they detested as much as Mark?

HURSE

Who has pulled more swerves in the past few years than this man? Who convinced the entire company that he was on the verge of retirement only to then reveal himself as the Alpha Generation’s mysterious oracle? Who worked in conjunction with Robin to set up a year long plot that paid off with Brooks stabbing her former lover Killjoy in the back? Who was given the World Championship by Desolation based on his ability to trick the fans alone? All the answers are the same, Hurse. The now former Champion has shown that he enjoys swerving the fans, having done so time and time again, but is his brain actually big enough to concoct this elaborate plot? His track record would indicate as much. Hurse has also been linked with Sallie, one of the two vicious vixens that the Mystery Owner put into place as his overseers. On top of that the Owner has conveniently stacked the odds in Hurse’s favor time and time again. It’s only nature for one to think that Hurse could be the owner, of course the thought is quite horrifying.

MR. DRACHEWYCH

No SCW you cannot sue us for the use of the above image, you failed to apply for a copyright on Mr. Drachewych’s likeness. Although this suspect may sound highly unlikely, you can never say never in this day and age, unless its in terms of Charlie Haas getting a World title run. We can’t simply put it past Mr. Drachewych, yes, we emphasize the title, Mr., mostly because his first name is probably as hard to spell as his last. The SCW President has shown time and time again throughout the years that he has a flair for manipulation, and is carnivorous businessman, ready to rip the throat clean from those who try to disrupt his precious company. So it wouldn’t be hard to fathom that he’d purchase the IWC with the intention of running it out of business. What better way to destroy a company than by alienating its fans and its wrestlers? If Mr. Drachewych is the owner, you may be asking, why not just put one of his biggest rivals on the shelf? After feuding with ULW for so long, it probably be much more gratifying for him to ruin the company’s reputation and torment their talent. There’s also conveniently been an influx of SCW stars into the IWC over the past year, is this just a coincidence, or another clue? If Mr. Drachewych reveals himself as the owner this Saturday, will the IWC’s days be numbered?

JOHNNY KINGDOM

Frankly, you never know who to trust in the wrestling business, and the reason that phrase is in existence is probably because of Johnny Kingdom. The Team Leader has stabbed more people in the back than the Son of Sam. But wait, didn’t he just defeat Silencer at Paranoia V, and force the Owner to reveal himself? You never know when Johnny is pulling the wool over our eyes yet again. His match with Silencer, being framed by the Owner, the threat that he could be forced right back into retirement permanently, all could very well be a hoax. As World Champion Johnny Kingdom felt his reign wasn’t paid the attention or given the appreciation that it deserved, which could have made him into the corrupt, diabolical owner who’s been tormenting us all for so long. Kingdom certainly doesn’t like Orlando Cruze nor Nathan Creed, which would explain why Sallie and Krissie were hired. Johnny has had a long time friendship with Hurse, who seems to be enjoying the perks of having this new owner. Was Silencer right? Is Johnny Kingdom actually the owner, did he put together the circumstances which would explain his return to a ring? Is he setting us all up yet again? The answer will come on Saturday.

ULTIMATE WARRIOR

God I hope not.

SHERYL GRAY

Just like Kingdom, just like Hurse, you can never trust a Gray. Although the Gray family may be currently invested in their new wrestling venture, GORE, you can’t discount some of the twisted plots that Sheryl has pulled off in the past. Alongside her brother Conrad, and her husband Nick AKA Lethal Weapon, Sheryl ran the ULW, and inflicted pain on all those who dared to cross her path. Sheryl was president of the ULW for four years before finally deciding to sell it to the Mystery Owner, but did such a transaction ever truly take place? Or was it a smoke screen for yet another Sheryl Gray plot? In times past Sheryl claimed she would close the ULW due to slumping ratings or lack of time, but she could never walk away from her creation. Can we really trust that she’s done it now, that she’s 100 percent devoted to staying away from her baby? The IWC rose from the ashes of the ULW, but it became clear that the company has only changed its name, devoted to the same great in ring action, and twisted stories. Did Sheryl really leave, did she really close down her own company, or has she still been around all along?

WHO’S THE BOSS?

Is the Owner an outside influence? Are they a former General Manager? Or more frightening is the thought that the owner is already amongst us. On Saturday night, Riot! will hold the answers we’ve all been waiting for. And God help us if the Owner is any of the above?