WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

The IWC copyright symbol flashes across the screen before fading gently into the darkness from wince it resonated. Instead of some over the top video package bombarding the screen highlighting the grandeur and spectacle that is Paranoia VII, the show immediately cuts to the lockeroom where a familiar face is present.

Susie Moore: Paranoia VII is upon us, this is Suzie Moore LIVE backstage for the most totally wicked awesome show EVAH!

She is positively giddy, trembling in her sparkling red dress.

Susie: To properly put into perspective just how important this show truly is I’m going to let the stars of the IWC roster explain what this night means to them. Starting with these sparkling fellas. Hey you hunky, hunky macho men.

Moore crouches down, almost kneeling between the seated Pat Evans and Axl Evermore, their shoulders graced with the IWC Tag Team Championships.

Moore: Tonight I understand that the two of you will put your bright and shinnies on the line against the Five Star Society, but before we get to that, would either of you care to comment on what being part of Paranoia means to you?

Axl: Heh, no problem. If you put a mic in front of my mouth I’m not gonna shy away from jawing endlessly.

Pat: No shock there.

The camera focuses on Axl as he turns to address his comments to the viewing audience.

Evermore: I think its safe to say that Paranoia is the most important night in the careers of both myself and my partner Pat Evans….

Evans: Again, no shock.

Axl: This event is the embodiment of all our hard-work, all the physical and emotional turmoil that we endure throughout our careers. Everything we do builds to this one night, and once you go out there and feel that energy it justifies all the bumps, bruises and blood you’ve spilt. Being part of Paranoia makes every ache, every pang, every scar worth it.

Pat: Only an event like Paranoia could bring together bitter enemies like Axl and I….

The camera shifts towards Evans.

Evans: The fact that we’re ready to go out to that ring and be partners, even after everything we’ve done to each other in the past, legitimizes just how important Paranoia truly is.

Evermore: And sure, we’ve had our ups and our downs here at the grand spectacle. But whether it was winning the Cartel Title in the Resolution Rumble, or having my face cracked open with a chair at the hands of Desolation, or Pat pinning Jason Wheeler, nothing diminishes that awe, that inspiration we feel when competing at Paranoia.

Pat: It’s not gonna be any different this year. We’re still going to feel that excitement, that adrenaline rush when we step through those curtains and enter that ring to defend these tag team titles. I made my debut at Paranoia by interrupting the Tag Team Title match and now things come full circle when I put the Tag straps on the line here on the grandest stage of them all.

There is a bright flash across the screen before cutting to Suzie Moore approaching a man with his back turned towards the camera. All that can be seen is his black leather jacket as he stoops over a gym bag positioned in front of his locker.

Susie: And perhaps nobody knows more about the true meaning of Paranoia, than this man….

She taps the shoulder of the Icon and Orlando Cruze quickly turns to face the camera. He leans with his forearm against the locker and flashes that trademark grin towards the ambitious backstage correspondent.

Moore: Orlando Cruze, the Acorn….

Orlando: Erm, I think you meant, ICON.

Susie: I like acorn better. Anyway, you’ve been a part of Paranoia since it’s inception, how does competing here at the seventh anniversary of this event feel?

Orlando: Well, to be perfectly honest with you, Susie, I feel the same way I did headed into my very first Paranoia.

Moore: And what feeling is that?

Orlando: It’s actually a wide RANGE of feelings. I’m excited, nervous, apprehensive and yet eager. My heart beat is racing and my stomach is in knots. I’ve been involved in some of the biggest matches in Paranoia history. Orlando Cruze versus Lethal Weapon. Steel Cage Elimination. Orlando Cruze versus Hurse, and yet I never get use to the mixture of thrill and terror that grips me headed into this show each and every year. You never know what to expect at an event of this magnitude when the eyes of the wrestling universe are upon you, when the lights are brightest and expectations the highest. Nothing prepares you, past experience at Paranoia or not, for the emotion, for the excitement you feel when you compete on THIS night.

Susie: And this Paranoia must be a lot more emotional for you than past events, given that this will be your final appearance at this landmark pay-per-view.

The thought causes Cruze to become a bit more reserved and serious. The camera zooms in to capture his sullen expression.

Orlando: Yes, tonight will write the final chapter in my fabled history with Paranoia, so you had better be expecting a climax truly befitting of such an epic tome. I step into that ring on the biggest night in our industry for the final time to face one Jackson Adams, and injury or no injury I will put on a performance that deserves to be recognized in the annals of Paranoia lore. If I’m going out, I’m going to provide these fans with one final Paranoia moment that will live on indelibly in their minds for decades to come.

His expression is now one of determination and conviction.

Orlando: I might not be the man I was when I stepped into the ring against Lethal Weapon, but that doesn’t mean I’m not capable of putting on another classic. There’s something about Paranoia that lights a fire under me, that inspires me, that forces me to compete at that higher level. Jackson Adams is going to learn that tonight. I might be injured, I might be a shell of the man I use to be, but that doesn’t matter, not at Paranoia, because this event gives me that passion back, it gives me the inspiration to rise above all my physical or mental limitations. When I square off against Adams he’s gonna find out that Paranoia transforms me into a whole nother animal.

In a flash the cameras cut away from Orlando Cruze to find Suzie Moore wandering aimlessly down a corridor, in search of her next interviewee. She just so happens to stumble across a man who’s reputation at Paranoia has become synonymous with bloodbaths and brawls. Psycho sits on the floor, back wedged to a wall, eyes closed and lips drooping at the corners. Moore once again stoops to be at the level of the Sadistic One.

Susie: Psycho….

Psycho: Shoosh! Do you hear that?

Moore’s eyes bat out of confusion as she watches Psycho cup his ear, as if listening for something.

Psycho: Well do you?

She shrugs.

Psycho: You don’t hear that glorious sound of thousands chanting “holy shit, holy shit, holy shit?”

She shakes her head.

Psycho: I hear it, every time I’m alone and things have gotten quiet, I can hear them clear as day. There is nothing quite as moving, quite as inspirational as listening to fans scream and wail as my fists pummel the faces of their heroes into hamburger. Nothing gets my heart racing like taking a man’s life into my hands as I crush their skull with a chair or tangle their flesh in barbwire. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.

He claws at the bumps forming across his bare forearm.

Psycho: Every year at Paranoia I go out there and give these fans a bloodbath. I take my sadism to levels never before dreamt up. This year isn’t going to be any different, because Paranoia inspires me to be a bit more barbaric, to truly be the monster that fans fear and opponents cower from. There is something about Paranoia that makes my bloodlust unquenchable, that makes me crave hearing the noise of thousands chanting “holy shit, holy shit, holy shit,” as I commit atrocities they’ll never, ever, be able to forget or forgive. Don’t worry if you can’t hear their chants now, because you’ll hear them later. Once my hands wrap around the throat of my former mentor, and after I’ve dealt with Simon Cagero once and for all, you’ll have to be deaf not to hear them scream. They will scream, they will scream.

Another flash indicating a passage of time and serving as a segue to the next interview. Robin Brooks’ reflection is captured as she leans towards a mirror and applies some lipstick, ensuring that she looks absolutely perfect for Paranoia.

Moore: Mrs. Brooks….

Robin turns in her makeup chair and grimaces at the sight of Susie planted in the chair beside her.

Robin: Excuse you….

Susie is more confused than ever, wondering how she insulted Brooks. She takes a whiff of her own armpits to make sure she doesn’t smell.

Brooks: Who said you could violate my personal space? Now scram. I’m trying to get ready for my match.

Susie: I just wanted to ask….

Robin: What? You expect me to sit here and hype Paranoia like it’s the second coming of Christ? No, no. To be frank, Paranoia should be thanking ME for making it into the grand spectacle, THE biggest wrestling event of the year. If it wasn’t for me there would be no pageantry, no mysticism, no awe or grandeur behind this night. Paranoia would be nothing more than another wrestling event if it wasn’t for the Black Widow, THE QUEEN, gracing its ring and providing awe inspiring performances.

Moore rolls her eyes.

Brooks: My matches against the likes of Nathan Creed and Hellkat have MADE Paranoia. And tonight I’ll continue making Paranoia THE wrestling event when I humble, humiliate and pin Hurse in a match that has been far too long past due. I OWN Paranoia and I will OWN Hurse tonight!

The screen goes white before cutting to Susie Moore’s next backdrop, the unisex bathroom. With mic in hand she endeavors to get an interview even though a stall door separates her from her target.

Moore: Too Magnificent….

Too Magnificent: WHAT!?! Can’t a man get any privacy? Jesus Christ, you’d think I was the Big Show or something, constantly getting interrupted in the middle of….

Susie: I just wanted to ask you what your favorite Paranoia moment was.

A groan can be heard through the door.

Too Magnificent: Well…..there’s several really. I could go on and on about that Skins Match from a couple years back, or maybe I could drone on endlessly about my first Paranoia bout ever. Nah, fuck that. I think I’ll just say that my favorite Paranoia moment has yet to be written. Actually, I think it might happen tonight when I mangle and mutilate Riggs to such an extreme that he’ll never, EVER be the same. Then, when I’m all through with him, and there’s nothing standing between myself and Suzie Clover, you’ll see, the whole world will see, and I will experience, MY favorite Paranoia moment.

A smile comes to Moore’s face, liking the answer she was given. That is until her serenity is ruined by the snapping fingers jutting out from under the stall door. With a sigh she grabs a roll of toilet paper and puts it in Too Magnificent’s palm.

A quick flash and now we join Susie in peril. Her wrist is caught in the clutches of one Christian Savior, who stands at the forefront of the camera, forcing her microphone to his lips. Kitty Buehler stands in the background, nodding along with every word uttered by the Rising Phoenix as he continues his diatribe.

Christian: What does Paranoia mean to me? It’s complicated. I have a love hate relationship with Paranoia.

Savior tries to calm himself by sliding his palm through his hair.

Savior: On one hand Paranoia is pure excitement, it’s pure inspiration, it overwhelms me with feelings that are strange, that I’m not use to. Very rarely do I ever EVER get excited, but there’s just something about Paranoia that gives me a surge of endorphins. It’s an addictive rush, a high I don’t ever want to come down from. But on the other hand, Paranoia is the place where I’ve consistently been ROBBED out of title after title. Whether it was the triangle ladder match where my X-Class Title was stolen from me, or Steel Cage Elimination where Kingdom pilfered my World Heavyweight Title, I’ve been screwed again and again when it comes to Paranoia and championship matches.

Christian takes a soothing breathe then begins shaking his head.

Christian: But tonight, with this being the biggest Paranoia ever, things are gonna change. I’m gonna have my PERFECT Paranoia moment and it will be at Porno Lad’s expense. I NEED to win at Paranoia. Victory at Paranoia is the one career milestone that has evaded me. I will not be robbed again. I will rewrite history. This Paranoia will mark the end of thievery and the ascension of the Rising PHOENIX.

The mic is pushed away from his face and the screen goes white before cutting to the IWC World Heavyweight Title belt. It twists and turns through the air with some obnoxious fighter jet sounds being made in the background.

Zero: What the hell?

The camera retracts to bring Susie into view, playing with the World Heavyweight Title belt before it’s ultimately snatched out of her clutches by Jason Zero. He immediately polishes the gold with his wrist tape.

Jason: How did you get in my dressing room and what were you doing with my title?

Susie: I was pretending that the belt was the Millennium Falcon. Want to play Star Wars with me, you can be Jar Jar Binks?

A flabbergasted Zero throws the title over his shoulder.

Zero: I think not. There’s only one role I’m interested in playing, and that’s the role of the conquering champion.

Moore: Doesn’t sound as fun as Jar Jar Binks.

Jason: Oh, I’ll tell you what’s fun, competing in the main event at Paranoia VII. Nothing gives you quite the kick that wrestling in the main event of the biggest show of the year does. I did so last year in Steel Cage Elimination, and I’ll do it again tonight when I survive, no, thrive in TWO matches for my title. Paranoia deserves a champion who is befitting of defending the belt on such a grand stage, I’m that champion, and I’ll continue to be that champion all the way up until the next Paranoia, and then the one after that, and the one after that. Because tonight I reverse the curse, I will win my first Paranoia match and it will be the biggest victory of my wrestling career.

One more flash, one more location change. Susie looks lost as she stumbles through a backstage corridor, desperately looking for someone else to interview. She is so distracted that she almost bumps into the double doors at the end of the hall.

Susie: Hmmm, wonder where this leads.

Instead of playing it safe or even so much as thinking before she leaps, Susie pushes open the doors and steps out into the stands where the crowd is going apeshit. They are positively bonkers at the sight of Moore emerging from amongst them, wearing a wide smile on her face.

Moore: What does Paranoia mean to you?

She sticks a microphone out towards an inebriated fan.

Fan: WHOOOOO!

Susie: And you?

The mic is positioned in front of a screaming child’s face.

Child: I love Paranoia!

Moore: And what does Paranoia mean to you?

Susie turns towards the camera and extends the mic towards the lens.

The final flash and cut takes us to a slow encompassing shot of the Paranoia emblem juxtaposed in front of a Canadian maple-leaf.

Voice Over: And now IWC presents THE wrestling event…..PAAAARANOIA VII!!

Fireworks ignite, sending the crowd into an energetic display of pure enthusiasm. The biggest show of the year is finally upon us and the crowd justly rejoices as a result. The Canadians packed into the Windsor Armory are absolutely elated as pyros continue to rise from the specially crafted entry way which is made to resemble a Canadian Maple Leaf with Paranoia VII written across its surface. Cameras race over the sea of swarming fans, over the ring where pyrotechnics pop from the turnbuckles, and finally settle on the faces of two commentating legends seated shoulder to shoulder for the very first time.

Mark Comeau: This is IT, this is THE megashow, THE biggest night in wrestling history, THIS is Paranoia VII. I’m Mark Comeau, joined here at ringside by long time ULW color commentator, THE Tim May.

The well dressed Comeau and May have all their normal swagger, Tim even going as far as to fix his slicked back hair.

May: Thaaaat’s right peeps, Tim May, the very man who sat right here at ringside for the very first Paranoia is back, and like fine whine I’ve aged beautifully over time.

Mark: The fact that Tim and I have been called together to commentate this event should just go to show you, the fans, how important this night really is.

Tim: You should see all the zeroes on the check they gave me to be here tonight.

Suddenly five stars appear on the Cartel-Tron flashing in simultaneously. It isn’t long before five explosions rock the staging area and through the curtains swagger Jon Rich and Katelyn Buehler. A montage of clips featuring the FSS play out across the big screen while below Jon and Katelyn are carrying on with their indecent gestures. Jon takes Katelyn by the wrist, twirls her, then takes her by the back and gives her a dip that prominently shows off her cleavage. He tugs on her wrist and pulls her back up towards him where the two interlock lips. Grins form on their faces as they head hand in hand towards the ring.

Mark: We’re kicking things off tonight with the Tag Team Titles on the line via this very personal grudge match.

May: The Five Star Society represented here by Jon Rich and the ubber sexy Katelyn Buehler…mmmmm…mmmm..mmmm I think she might get better looking every time I see her. Can they just decide the winner of this match based on looks?

Mark: I think not. This match will be determined by skill and skill alone. I’m not gonna sell Rich and, to a lesser extent, Buehler short, they do have plenty of talent, but I’m not sure it’s going to be enough to overcome the Tag Team Champions. Axl Evermore and Pat Evans are most definitely going to be inspired to bring their A game into this match, not only because this is for the titles, not only because this is Paranoia, but you also have to take into account just how personal this rivalry has become.

May: Yeah, yeah, yeah, for months Jon strung both Evans and Evermore along promising he’d name one of them as his tag team partner for a title shot and then he went and picked Buehler over them. I’d make the same choice personally.

Mark: Don’t undersell it, Tim, he just didn’t pick Buehler over Evans and Evermore, he double crossed both men at 2 For 1 Special and walked away with Katelyn. But Axl and Pat threw a wrench into the Society’s plans when they won the Tag Team Titles and are now forcing Rich and Buehler to face them for the straps here tonight.

Katelyn parts the ropes for Rich who eagerly slips through them. He spins around in his sparkling robe before throwing his arms out to his sides, Buehler assisting him in removing his clothing. “Outsider” rips through the PA system and gets a highly emotional response from the Canadian crowd. They jump to their feet and erupt into hysterics as Axl Evermore and Pat Evans emerge to the stage, both men wearing the Tag Team Title straps. Axl wears his belt around his neck while Pat’s gold drapes his shoulder. If the fans weren’t already swept up into a frenzy they are the moment Axl reveals a cannon in his arms. He lifts it into the air and fires a projectile t-shirt into the audience.

Mark: Not only do the Tag Team Champions have the heart beats of these fans racing, but they’re giving them a little token to remember them by as well.

May: Hey come on, fire me one of those t-shirts, I bet I can sell it on e-bay.

Comeau: These two have got the fans jumping in the Windsor Armory as they head for one of the biggest matches in their careers. The fact that Pat Evans and Axl Evermore, bitter BITTER enemies, are coming out here side by side to defend the TAG TEAM TITLES should just go to show how much they despise the Five Star Society. Their hatred for Buehler and Rich runs so deep that they’ve thrown aside years worth of hatred for one another in order to unite and bring the FSS down tonight.

The crowd remains very enthused as Axl Evermore stands on one side of the ring still operating the shirt cannon, firing some free merchandize to his adoring masses. All the while Evans has requested and received a microphone. As he adjusts the Tag Title belt over his shoulder his eyes adjust towards the repulsed Rich and Buehler, who are mumbling under their breathes.

Pat: Ahem….I’m sorry….what was that?

Rich and Buehler continue to stew and verbally berate the champions.

Evans: I couldn’t hear you, because all these Canadians packed in the Windsor Armory are goin’ friggn ga-ga for Paranoia!

The reaction is off the chain.

Pat: They seem to be excited, I know Axl and I are excited, the whole damn world is excited for this night. And why? Because they all realize that this is a night built around consequences. Paranoia is an event predicated on revenge, on punishment, on fulfillment. And the fans aren’t gonna wait any longer to see just that. Their gonna get it right here, right now, in this opening match, when Axl and I force the two of you to face the consequences.

The thought actually amuses Rich, who steps forward jabbing his chest with his finger and speaking in a string of egotistical platitudes.

Pat: Hmmm, you know Axl, it doesn’t seem that Jon is in that Paranoia spirit.

Evermore: Maybe some merchandize would help.

Before Jon can question what they mean by these statements Evermore pulls the trigger on the cannon, launching a projectile t-shirt directly into Rich’s testicles. All the air has been knocked out of Jon’s body, his whole frame tensing up as he cradles his now swollen genitals.

May: HEY! Cheaters!

Mark: That’s one way to kick start Paranoia. Clearly Jon has been doing all his decision making with that organ so naturally it was the first part of his body that Evans and Evermore targeted.

Tim: Good thing I remembered to wear my protective cup.

Jon kneels on the canvas, stooped over with both hands cupping his busted balls. A stunned Katelyn looks from her boyfriend to the taunting Evermore and Evans before screeching as she rushes at the Tag Team Champions. Evermore throws the cannon aside and catches Buehler coming in, throwing her up into the air with a gorilla press. She then comes plummeting down right on top of Pat’s raised knee.

Buehler stands up wrapping her arms around her stomach and grimacing in pain as Evermore steps in behind her, wedges a shoulder to her spine then heaves her up into a back drop suplex.

The moment that Buehler hits the canvas Evans goes charging into the ropes at her side, ricocheting off then leaping high into the air before ultimately driving his knee down into her face. Buehler shields her oh so perfect face as she goes thrashing across the ring. Eventually she spills under the ropes, leaving a still incapacitated Rich alone with the Champions.

May: Jon, if I were you, I think a bribe would be in order about right now.

Jon slowly looks up, still gripping his bruised genitalia and glaring at both Evermore and Evans who are slowly closing in upon him. Before he can even begin to beg off he’s yanked to his feet and chopped viciously across the chest. The stiff strike sends Rich spiraling away from Evermore and turning towards Evans, who delivers a chop of his own.

Jon cringes as she spins towards Axl who delivers yet another blood vessel bursting chop. Rich turns right into Evans and gets cracked across the sternum yet again, this time with just enough force to send him toppling to the canvas.

Mark: They are beating the holy hell out of Rich and I have to admit, I’m enjoying every single second of this.

May: How morbid of you.

Although his chest is burning from all the chops that have left red streaks in his flesh, Rich still scrambles to his feet and holds out both palms. He pleads for leniency.

Rich: Come on guys, we were like this.

He crosses his fingers to imply that they were once tight. Evans and Evermore exchange a glance, shrug and then deliver a simultaneous knife edge chop to both sides of Jon’s sternum, sending him flying back into the ropes and flipping over them to the outside of the ring. He crashes at the feet of Katelyn, who swoops in to lift his head from the mats. She now strokes his hair to let him know everything is going to be alright.

Mark: The Challengers cleared from the ring by the Tag Team Champions who continue to solidify themselves as a well oiled machine. Its hard to believe that these two were once the most bitter of rivals.

May: And now look at them, torturing two of the IWC’s hottest acts and ruining the biggest night in wrestling history.

Rich is assisted to his feet by Buehler while Evans and Evermore scale the turnbuckles in the ring, gesturing for the crowd to get a little hotter. They have no problem doing so, screaming even louder than before in support of the Champions.

Mark: Paranoia truly off to a raucous start.

May: Yeah, your totally right.

Comeau: Well I’m surprised by that. Ladies and gentlemen, Tim May, TIM MAY, the ultimate cynic, just agreed with me.

Tim: Oh wait, did you say “raucous;” I thought you said nauseating.

A frightened Rich is aided to his feet by Katelyn, the two leaning on one another for support and formulating a strategy. In the meanwhile the official is trying to get some semblance of order established, forcing Evermore out of the ring so that Pat can start this contest in a more legacy capacity.

Evans is only distracted by the ref for a moment before he notices Buehler rushing into the ring. After receiving a motivational slap on the ass, Katelyn scrambles towards the ring, sliding half way in before she’s cut off by the Champion. Pat punishes her with stomp after stomp to the back of the skull until he realizes that this was no more than the ultimate distraction.

It doesn’t sink in on him that he was played until he turns towards the ropes where Rich is springing to the top cable. He flies off, extends his boots and plants them against Evans’ chest, delivering a springboard front dropkick that knocks both competitors down to the ring.

May: And it looks like the Five Star Society has got points on the board.

Mark: Really? After being away from an announce table for YEARS, only to return on the BIGGEST night in wrestling history, THAT’S the analogy you use? You couldn’t come up with anything better?

Tim: Sure I could, if I were actually trying.

With arms cradled over his chest Evans rolls away from Rich, who is now all over the Tag Team Champion. He dashes across the canvas on his knees, closing the gap then beginning to pummel Pat over the shoulder blades again and again. Eventually he rolls Pat to his back and slaps a hand down around his throat, trashing around as he applies the choke-hold.

Comeau: Rich looking for a little revenge after the way the Champions introduced that t-shirt to his crotch at the start of this match.

May: I’ve had several similar introductions. Granted it was mostly the sleeves of several t-shirts I had intimate introductions with.

Mark: Jesus Christ, and here I thought working with Billy Mayne was as awkward as it gets.

Tim: Billy was nothing more than a cheap facsimile. I’m THE master of awkwardness.

Comeau: Yeah, I’m learning that quickly.

A flabbergasted Rich backs, or more accurately is dragged away from Evans kicking and fussing all the while. As the referee is busy restraining Rich, behind his back Buehler has entered the ring and is choking Pat violently with both hands. He thrashes violently, gasping for air while the crowd rallies behind him, trying to inspire Pat to fight his way free from the ring.

The official finally turns around but its too late to catch Katelyn in the act. She’s already rolled from the ring and is playing coy. Rich lightly shoves the official aside, charges at Evans, snatches him by the bangs and leads him to his feet delivering forearm strikes to his temple repeatedly. He backs Pat into the ropes, reaches over and slaps the open palm of Buehler, bringing her into the match legally this time.

They each take one of his wrist and whip him off across the ring. Evans ricochets from the cables and leaps into the air as Jon launches himself to the canvas in order to sweep his feet out from him. Pat flies right over him only to be knocked out of the air by a Lou Thez Press. Katelyn crashes down right on top of Evans and begins pummeling him with right hand after right hand to the face.

May: I’m starting to enjoy the continuity being displayed by the Five Star Society in this match.

Mark: Or at least we THINK their part of the FSS. Their alliances have been shaky at best as of late.

Tim: HEY! This is Paranoia, don’t start rocking the boat at the biggest show on earth. Or in Canada. But what else do Canadians have to compete with a show like this? Martin Short? Alan Thicke? I hardly consider THEM competition.

Comeau: What the FUCK are you talking about?

Katelyn continues to deliver rapid fire right hands to the face of a shaken Evans before lunging to her feet. She grabs Pat by the ankle, lifting it up and sending him rolling backwards into the waiting clutches of her partner in crime. Jon catches Evans and immediately traps his arms in a full nelson, exposing his mid-section to the wrath of the loveable Buehler.

She throws kicks into his ribs and slaps across his face. Although the referee orders them to stop this blatant double teaming, neither one of them listens. The two on one mugging only ends when Rich breaks the half nelson, turns his back to Evans and then drags him down to the canvas with a reverse neckbreaker.

The back of Pat’s head violently hits the ring but he is given no time to suffer the aftermath. Instead Rich grabs him by the bangs, sits him up on the canvas then clears out of the way. A dazed Pat doesn’t even realize that he’s been sat up and positioned for a big running boot to the face delivered by Katelyn.

The shot knocks Evans to his back, leaving him sprawled motionless across the canvas, prime for the picking. Katelyn staggers forward, almost loosing her footing after delivering that forceful kick. She finally spins around and drops into the cover on Pat’s chest, leg hooked for the three.

May: We may very well have NEW Tag Team Champions, which would be an EPIC way to start off Paranoia.

Mark: Rich and Buehler may be on their way to making history here at the grand spectacle.

The official slips into position and makes a quick, emphatic count.

1

2

Katelyn is elated until she realizes that she’s being dragged backwards at the hands of Axl Evermore. He pulls her right off the pin and to the center of the ring, incurring the wrath of the official. Referee Fitzpatrick, tasked with the honor of officiating the opening match here at Paranoia VII, leaps into Axl’s face and demands he leave the ring.

Unlike his opponents, Evermore actually plays by the rules. He backs away pleading off, but little does he realize that he’s been the perfect distraction allowing his opponents to take advantage of his own partner.

Rich quickly enters the ring behind the official’s back and then leaps to the middle rope of the turnbuckle. Buehler pulls Pat by the legs and puts him in position before she and her boyfriend clap hands above their heads. They mimic the sound of a tag being made, deceiving the official who’s attention is still focused on the overzealous Evermore.

Tim: Classic tag team wrestling 1-0-1 from the Five Star Society. It’s cohesion like this that will guarantee them a title victory here tonight.

Mark: You sound awfully confident about that.

May: My every word oozes with confidence. I can’t turn it off.

Rich symbolically cocks back his fist and dives off the turnbuckle going for a classic, Bret Hart inspired diving fist to his opponent’s face. That’s when his own face connects with the raised boot of Evans.

The crowd pops as Jon’s eyes roll to the back of his head and he stumbles into the turnbuckle, falling against it for support. Pat slips through this window of opportunity, limping to his feet with his body aching from the multitude of blows delivered in this fast paced contest.

Rich shakes off that last shot to the skull and rushes out of the corner hoping to retake the advantage. Those dreams are shattered when Pat turns, catches Rich coming in and drives him viciously into the canvas with a spinning powerslam. Jon goes into convulsions after hitting the ring and then flops under the ropes before ultimately spilling to the outside.

Mark: Evans getting back on the offense with that sensational spinning powerslam. He’s motivated to push past his usual threshold for pain because he’s in there waging a war against a man who played him, then stabbed him in the back.

May: Well boo-hoo, build a bridge and get over it. Look at me. I vowed never to commentate at an IWC event, EVER, after the raw deal that the ULW gave me, but here I am, earning a paycheck from the very company I revile.

Comeau: Yeah, but that’s because you have absolutely no principles.

May: Oh….yeah….your right.

Finally Axl has cleared out of the way after bickering with the official, giving him a few choice words. The distraction didn’t prove nearly as costly as the Five Star Society had hoped. Evans is back on his feet, verbally taunting Rich to get back in the ring only to be blown off by his former associate. Pat only stops berating him when Katelyn rushes in and delivers a sloppy yet effective clothesline to the back of his head.

Evans is knocked to his elbows and knees before plummeting to his stomach thanks to the timely boot to the back of the brainpan. Katelyn continues to work him over just as the official turns around and surveys the scene. Buehler lifts her boot to deliver another brain scrambling shot when Fitzpatrick leaps between her sole and Evans, wagging a finger in her face.

Fitzpatrick: I HEARD you make the tag, your not the legal competitor.

Katelyn is wide eyed and outraged that her cheating has come back to bite the FSS in the ass. She flips out, implying that a tag was never made, that Fitzpatrick was just hearing things. He doesn’t bite it, evident by the fact that he is now pointing at her turnbuckle and demanding that she take her place.

All the while Evermore is rushing around the ring, and grabbing an unsuspecting Rich from behind. Jon was in the midst of walking off his injuries before he’s spun around and thrown back into the squared circle by the Tag Team Champion. Evermore backs away from the ring with a wide grin on his face, realizing that he’s just ensured Rich is in for a lot more pain and suffrage.

May: Come on now Ref, if your going to put your foot down and start enforcing the rules then you need to do something about Axl Evermore’s cheating, and his pony tail.

Mark: Rich and Buehler tried to use those underhanded tactics once too often and it cost them big.

Jon is turned to face Evermore on the outside of the ring, roaring in anger at the former Cartel Champion. All the while he exposes his back to the Technical Tyrant, who limps in to his feet just in time to take the advantage. He spins Rich around by the shoulder then swings wildly at his face with a closed fist. The knuckles miss their target, Jon ducking the blow then rushing into the ropes behind Evans’ back.

He bounces off and comes rushing straight at Pat, who spins around and shockingly catches the Five Star rep with an Atomic Drop. Jon just jumps back grabbing his genitals yet again, when he’s nailed to the jaw with a lightning quick thrust kick.

Jon almost spits out teeth as he twists to the canvas, collapsing to his back. With Rich down Pat uses this time wisely, stepping into his corner and slapping the outstretched palm of his partner. The crowd finds themselves overjoyed that Evermore and Evans continue functioning as a team, and a solid unit at that.

Axl is quickly in the ring then scrambling across it towards Rich, who shockingly has gotten to his feet just in time to be decimated with a series of rapid fire punches. Axl is laying into Jon from every angle, with shot after shot to the jaw, the cheek, and the temple.

Rich almost looses his footing as he’s kicked to the gut, taken by the wrist and launched off into the ropes. Jon reverses however, instead sending Evermore into the cables.

Axl ricochets off the ropes and is unable to stop his forward momentum which carries him into his bent forward rival. Rich is doubled over in anticipation of delivering the back drop when Evermore turns around, falls spine to spine with Jon and then flips backwards. He lands behind Rich and then staggers into the ropes, catching himself against them.

Or so he thought.

The moment Evermore hits the ropes Buehler pulls down on the top one, causing Axl to go spilling to the outside of the ring. He flips over backwards, slamming face first into the apron then collapsing across the mats with a hard thud.

Katelyn exits the ring and is right on top of the former Cartel Champion. She takes him by the bangs, leads him up to his feet and then slams him face first against the apron yet again. She then proceeds to hold him in this position as Rich takes off across the ring, drops down and delivers a baseball slide dropkick directly to his face.

Both boots drill Evermore right between the eyes and put him directly on his back.

May: You know, you talk about how Pat and Evermore are this well oiled machine. I’m not seeing it, nor would I want to. Now the Five Star Society, they’re looking very well oiled to me, and I certainly wouldn’t mind seeing this Buehler chick all oiled up.

Mark: Just concentrate on the action, please Tim.

Buehler once again aids Evermore to his feet only to set him up for another brutal maneuver. Rich stands up in the ring, grabs the top rope and now pulls himself over into a flying crossbody aimed for his former tag team partner. Suddenly Evermore catches hold of Katelyn’s wrist though and pulls her in the way. Buehler’s eyes widen as Rich crashes right into her, the pear plummeting to the mats amongst a huge ovation from the sold out crowd.

Mark: You were saying?

May: I’d still like to see Katelyn dripping wet with oil.

Comeau: A disastrous botch from Rich taking out his own partner.

A flabbergasted Rich slips his hands into his hair, deeply shaken and remorseful over his actions. He turns just as Evermore comes stepping in. This prompts Rich to swing for his skull only to have Axl duck, rush towards the apron behind him, leap onto it and then flip back into a moonsault.

Jon turns around just as Axl crashes into his shoulder, knocking them both down to the mats.

Mark: Spectacular dive from Evermore putting his team back on the offensive.

Although he’s banged up Evermore quickly ascends to his feet, assists Rich to stand and then rolls him into the squared circle. He now climbs up onto the apron and begins to slip through the ropes when he finds his foot snagged on something. Axl looks back, realizing that his ankle is caught in the clutches of Katelyn Buehler and she is not intent on letting go.

Finally Evermore is able to kick her off but the distraction proves fatal. A recovered Rich charges in at Axl’s side, catches him around the head and delivers a swinging neckbreaker that brings him in through the ropes. The back of Evermore’s head creams the canvas and his body goes limp across the ring.

Tim: What a calculating move from the FSS.

Mark: It may have just netted them the Tag Team Titles.

Rich climbs over Axl’s chest and hooks both legs, pulling them away from the ropes. The crowd jeers as they realize they could be on the verge of seeing new champions crowed.

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2

Fitzpatrick’s hand almost connects with the canvas for a third time before Axl’s shoulder leaps up.

Mark: No, Evans and Evermore maintain their hold over the belts.

May: How much longer can that last at this rate?

A flustered Rich turns around and takes Evermore’s bangs into his hands. He props his head up and begins delivering straight right hands to the face again and again. He finally stands up and spits down at Axl before taking his heel and grinding it across his face.

Evermore sits up swiping his palms against his forehead and kicking his heels to the canvas. All the while Rich is making the tag to an eager Buehler. Katelyn quickly enters the ring and takes one of Axl’s wrist, leading him up to his knees just so she can begin kicking him to the chest and the stomach. The sloppy shots prove effective until Buehler steps back and allows Rich to move in, take Axl by the back of the head and shove him down face first into the canvas.

He then, only after being ordered by the official, departs the ring, allowing Buehler to continue working over the Champion. She steps over his back, grabs him around the jaw and pulls Axl up into a modified camel clutch submission.

May: Not only is the Five Star Society going to win the Tag Titles but they’re going to do so via submission. You couldn’t ask for a more fitting commencement to a Paranoia event.

Mark: Oh I can ask, but chances are I won’t get it.

A grin hatches on Buehler’s face as she gestures to the beaten and battered Evermore then pantomimes a Tag Title strap across her abs. She then blows a kiss towards Evans, who is pacing on the apron, growing increasingly anxious to get his hands on the challenger.

Katelyn turns her focus back towards Evermore, who is sluggishly forcing his way up from the canvas. The moment he begins to stand Katelyn lunges in and delivers a sloppy but effective dropkick to his face. The kick knocks him to his back, putting him in perfect position for the now over-anxious Rich. With palm outstretched Jon highly anticipates the tag. He receives it then leaps over the ropes, twists in mid-air and comes down with a stomp right into Axl’s face.

Evermore rolls across the canvas clutching at his skull while Jon follows him, slapping the back of his head repeatedly.

Jon: You want to know why I didn’t pick you, huh, huh? Your showing why right now.

Rich takes Axl by the pony tail and forces him up to his feet before wedging a shoulder to his ribs and powering him back first into the turnbuckle. Katelyn stands on the opposite side of said corner with her hands held in the air, one gripping the tag rope to show the ref that she’s playing by the rules. Jon rams his shoulder into Axl’s ribs once again then steps away at the behest of the official.

As Jon jawjacks with the referee, behind the official’s back Katelyn takes the tag rope and wraps it around Axl’s throat, yanking back, choking the very life from his body. Evermore begins to gag and gasp for air as the crowd jeers, repulsed by what they’re witnessing.

Mark: These two continue to break every rule in the book to maintain their advantage.

May: Whatever works. Hey, this is Paranoia, Mark, if you didn’t come here to win by any means necessary then you don’t deserve to be on the card.

Katelyn only stops strangling Evermore when Rich pushes past the official and storms in to take advantage of his foe. That’s when Evermore steps out of the corner with a boot to Jon’s ribs, followed by a straight right hand to his face. The crowd finds some hope, willing Evermore on as he delivers a second right, proceeded by another kick to the ribs.

Finally Rich lunges with his knee right into Evermore’s mid-section, doubling him over. He then takes him by the wrist and whips him towards his team’s corner, causing Axl to ram into it sternum first.

Katelyn reaches over the ropes and grabs Axl’s arm, making sure he is pinned against the corner as Jon backs into the diagonal turnbuckle. He smirks towards an impatient Evans then takes off across the ring, building some serious momentum behind a big stinger splash.

That’s when Evermore hauls off and slugs Katelyn to the face before grabbing her by the hair and pulling her over the ropes so that she’s hanging upside down over the turnbuckle. He clears out of the way and Rich accidentally hits the big splash on Buehler.

May: That’s the second time he’s done that.

Mark: What an astute observation. Evermore once again using his opponents against one another.

Rich staggers back holding his ribs before being spun around, kicked to the ribs and put in position for the Fully Loaded Stunner. The crowd gasps before Rich wedges his hands to Axl’s spine and shoves him off, sending him barreling across the ring towards his corner. Pat reaches out and slaps the shoulder of his partner as Evermore falls into the turnbuckle.

Comeau: Big, BIG mistake by Rich. He just allowed Evermore to make the tag to a fresh Evans.

Pat leaps over the ropes and then goes charging straight at a still discombobulated Rich. Jon lifts his leg into the air though, trying to cut him off with a spinning heel kick that Evans ducks under. He keeps on rushing forward now traveling straight towards Buehler who is pulling herself up the turnbuckle, standing on the opposite side of the second rope. Without any trepidation Evans steps up the turnbuckle, reaches over the ropes, hooks her arm and then delivers a super hip toss that sends her flying into the ring.

Comeau: Spectacular move by Evans to re-introduce Katelyn’s rear end to the canvas.

May: I imagine her rear has been introduced to many athings.

Evans rushes to his feet just as Jon steps in for the thrust kick only to have his foot caught in his opponent’s clutches. Pat begins to twist the leg and tries to bring Rich down into the ankle lock. Jon is begging off, flapping his hands through the air and pleading for mercy before surprising Evans by leaping from his one foot, turning upside down, wrapping his legs around his rival’s waist and dragging him down into a roll up.

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2

Evans kicks out, sending Rich rolling over backwards to his feet.

Tim: Rats. Rich almost won this Five Star Society the Tag Team Titles.

Rich ends up rolling back to his feet as Evans ascends to an upward base as well, the two racing to beat one another. Jon charges in and throws a right hand only to have Evans duck it, catch him across the chest and around the thigh then t-bone suplex him over into the canvas. Rich begins to convulse upon hitting the ring while Evans stands up and then crouches behind him, anticipating delivering the Spinal Tap.

Mark: Modified backbreaker moments from being delivered. Last year when Evans hit this move at Paranoia it eliminated Nathan Creed from Steel Cage Elimination, will it prove effective against Rich here tonight?

Pat is growing anxious, his heart racing with the thought of finishing off Jon once and for all, providing the ultimate payback for his betrayal. He is right on the verge of delivering the kill move when he’s grabbed by the shoulder, spun around then caught by the neck, Buehler catching him with the KBO out of nowhere.

Mark: KBO! KBO! Buehler nails her version of the cutter.

May: I’d really like to know what the “O” stands for in that move.

Comeau: Yeah, I bet you would.

Evans flops to his back, looking completely out of it while Katelyn rises to her feet, both arms raised triumphantly into the air. Her celebration only stops when Evermore comes rushing in and catches some significant height. He hits her with a flying leg lariat, reminiscent of one of many of IWC legend Desolation’s maneuvers. The lariat takes Buehler backwards over the ropes with Evermore sent crashing out alongside her. The crowd unleashes a pop at the sight of the shocking move that has taken out two combatants, leaving them sprawled across the mats.

Meanwhile, inside of the ring a barely coherent Rich is scrambling into the cover, hooking Pat’s leg in the most weasly fashion possible. The crowd is absolutely repulsed at the thought of Rich winning the Tag Team Titles for the Five Star Society in such a disgusting method.

Mark: Rich is gonna steal it, he’s gonna steal the titles!

Fitzpatrick drops to the canvas and makes the count with the fans jeering along.

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2

Jon’s confidence is shattered when Evans launches a shoulder from the canvas, kicking out.

Mark: NO! Evans kicks out and saves the Tag Team Titles.

May: *Growls* I thought Buehler and Rich had the belts won for sure.

Comeau: Not on that exchange Tim, not on that exchange.

Rich is flabbergasted that he can’t finish off his rivals, that he can’t get this thorn out of his side once and for all. He grabs the hair of Evans, rolling him to his knees then taking his arms and wrapping them around his neck. A smirk forms on Jon’s face as he slowly leads Axl to his feet then turns him around, putting him in position for the Get Rich Quick.

Comeau: We are moments away from seeing that infamous neckbreaker variation.

May: If this doesn’t win them the titles I’ll shit a brick.

Jon arrogantly bobs his head from side to side while insulting both the fans and Evans, who is completely at his mercy.

Rich: I don’t regret even one decision I’ve ever made. I’m Jon Rich, I’m the REAL DEA….

Evans suddenly drops out of the cobra clutch style neckbreaker, his back slipping down Rich’s and catching him around the waist as he falls to the canvas. He pulls Jon backwards into the sunset flip but doesn’t go for the pin. Instead he stands up, grabs Rich’s ankle and rolls him over to his stomach, applying the ankle lock. The crowd jumps out of their seats as the submission that has forced many to tap is locked in.

Mark: ANKLE LOCK! What a counter into Pat’s specialty submission. If Jon had just stopped talking he would have put Evans away for the pin.

May: Seems like that’s another decision he’s going to regret making.

Jon thrashes around desperately, his hands reaching for the ropes which seem like their a mile away. He scrapes and claws at the canvas, attempting to reach the cables in spite of their distance. His hand inches towards the bottom rope when out of nowhere Evermore leaps into the scene, grabs his arm and applies the fujiwara.

Comeau: Now the fujiwara is locked in! This is how Evans and Evermore won the Tag Team Titles in the first place. Can they do it again here at Paranoia VII?

The building is shaking as Rich sticks his free arm out to his side, flapping through the air and trying to find the ropes. There is no salvation. He’s left with one option and one option only. His palm rapidly slaps the canvas to a huge celebration from the masses.

Mark: He taps, he TAPS! Jon Rich has just submitted.

The crowd absolutely explodes, coming out of their seats with arms thrown high in the air in celebration. Pat and Axl continue to maintain their duel ankle lock and fujiwara submission holds until the referee demands that they break them. They finally release Rich from the torment, allowing him to slink away grabbing his shoulder and unable to put pressure on his leg.

Fitzpatrick hands the Tag Team Title belts over to Pat and Axl, the two almost falling over as they lift their gold up high. Axl falls into Pat and wraps his arm around the back of his former rival’s neck, pulling him in as the two continue to celebrate this HUGE victory on the grandest stage of them all.

Mark: What a victory, what a win for Axl Evermore and Pat Evans who remain THE IWC Tag Team Champions.

May: This was a pretty descent start to what promises to be one of the biggest events in wrestling history.

Comeau: That it was. Axl and Pat have gotten a measure of revenge against Buehler and Rich, keeping the lethal duo from winning the Tag Team Titles here at Paranoia.

The piercing roar of the crowd continues as Evans and Evermore lift their shimmering Tag Team Titles above their heads, having just survived a war in order to emerge as the champions. The celebration does not end there as Evans and Evermore break away from one another and roll to the outside of the ring. Axl backs towards the barricade, leaning over it into a crowd that embraces him. He holds the Tag Title high above his head with the fans clamoring around, slapping his shoulders. On the other side of the ring Evans has stepped up onto a steel chair positioned in the corner of the barricades and put one foot triumphantly upon the conjoining ends of the barriers. He too lifts the belt above a swarm of excited fans.

Mark: Big celebration, well deserved for the IWC Tag Team Champions who have just made history here tonight at Paranoia VII.

May: Speaking of making history…..

MATCH ADVERT

The twisted smirk of Porno Lad consumes the screen before cutting to Christian Savior arrogantly throwing back his hair. The two allies turned rivals are now juxtaposed shoulder to shoulder across the screen as the graphics freeze them in place.

May: Tonight we’re scheduled to see not one, not two, but three matches with World Title implications, THIS will be the first bout in that series of matches, and what a match it promises to be.

Comeau: I couldn’t have summed it up more perfectly myself.

Tim: Of course, nobody can top Tim May.

Mark: Well these two will certainly try to top one another as they jockey for that coveted spot in the main event where the World Heavyweight Title will be up for grabs. These two have a long, storied and it all began when they came together to form the Five Star Society.

THE SLOW BURN

The strings of a guitar are gently stroked in the background, heightening the sentimentality behind each shot. The first image is that of a fuse being ignited and slowly burning downward. We then see Christian Savior and Porno Lad standing outside of the Hell in a Cell, exchanging an apprehensive glare.

Christian: When we first started the Five Star Society, our objective wasn’t to get one man to the top and to keep the rest of the group as his subordinates.

Christian, Robin Brooks, BFG, Katelyn and Kitty Buehler, and Katie Steward stand united around Porno Lad, who looks positively elated as the Five Star Society stands over the body of a mangled Hurse. With steel chair in hand Johnny Kingdom watches from the outside of the ring.

Savior: We started this group to fight such conventions, to stop putting one man over the other.

The fuse gets closer and closer to its ultimate target as the images on the screen convey the brewing tension amongst the ranks of the Five Star Society.

Dan Douglas: And the 2009 Wrestler of the Year is……PORNO LAD!

In a flash the viewers are given a clip of a confused Christian glaring at his former accomplice Douglas as he forks over the coveted trophy to the Original Prankster.

Christian: The Five Star Society wasn’t build to feed your ego…

With trophy in hand Porno Lad hams it up at the conclusion of the 2009 awards show.

Porno Lad: I hereby announce that I will be cashing in my guaranteed World Title match at Paranoia VII!

The fuse burns brighter and gets closer to the point of implosion. We now see Christian being dragged off of a pinfall attempt by his own partner, Porno Lad.

Christian: Believe it or not, Ethan, all the Five Star Society’s success hasn’t come because of you, and you alone, this was a group effort.

The next scene features Porno Lad and Christian face to face, Savior clearly outraged that he was yanked off of the pin. All the while Porno Lad gestures to himself.

Porno Lad: I lead, YOU follow.

The fire burns brighter than ever, mere centimeters from its destination.

Christian: I’m nobody’s lackey, Ethan. You don’t deserve to lead.

Christian is shown accidentally hitting Porno Lad in the skull with a chair. This is followed up with a shot of the Original Prankster intentionally cracking Christian in the upper back with the very same weapon.

Porno Lad: I’ve led us to victory over and over again. The only thing you led the Conspiracy too, was an early demise.

The issues between Christian and PL correspond with the images of the wick nearing its end. As Savior stands up celebrating with the stolen IWC World Title belt he turns right into the Epic Fail across the jaw, delivered by his own partner. The video transitions to Porno Lad holding up the very belt he just snatched out of Christian’s clutches.

Christian: Your ego, your selfishness, it’s going to destroy our message, it’s going to destroy EVERYTHING that the Five Star Society stands for.

Porno Lad: Ego? You’re the one who is bringing down the Five Star Society because you stand the fact that someone is higher on the food chain than you.

Again Porno Lad is seen slamming the chair into Christian’s back, hitting him with the Epic Fail and dragging him off of a pin during the Hell in a Cell match. Savior stands back after being read the riot act from Porno Lad who goes to finish off a near incapacitated Cagero.

The video cuts back to the wick as it reaches its end and fizzles out. There is no explosion, just darkness. Suddenly all the lights come back up as Christian lunges across the ring and spears Porno Lad, taking him off of his feet and sending him right through a table.

Mayne: Nooo, Christian has just double crossed Porno Lad!

The music in the background picks up and becomes a bit more harder as repeated clips of Christian hitting Porno Lad with the spear are shown over and over again. Each shot ends the same way with Porno Lad being slammed through the table and Christian backing away with a truly crazed look on his face.

I know you’ll be there To see the tables turning
Wake up tomorrow
And watch the bridges burning

The Rising Phoenix is featured holding the World Heavyweight Title high above his head before he turns around and gets plastered to the jaw with an Epic Fail. Porno Lad takes over the screen holding the very title he just pilfered from the hands of his partner. The video then cuts to Christian backing away from Porno Lad who lies amongst the broken fragments of table. All the while he runs his hands through his hair, ripping out some follicles in the process.

I can see
I can see it in your eyes
I can feel
I can feel it in my mind
I don’t care
I don’t care if you realize
What you see
What you see in my eyes

Dan Douglas is forced to interject as a table is flipped over so that there is nothing separating Porno Lad and Christian who go nose to nose. Christian is then shown watching Porno Lad celebrate with the 2009 Wrestler of the Year trophy, looking conflicted by his response to this announcement. His gaze interlocks with Porno Lad’s, forcing the Original Prankster to grin oh so deviously.

I’m over me being under you
I’m breaking free and I’m breaking through
I’ve overcome all, I’m underneath
I can finally stand
I can finally breathe

A shocked Porno Lad is nearly cut in half by the spear that puts him through a table. The Original Prankster is now featured being handed Christian’s Cartel Championship belt. He throws it over his shoulder and purposely winks towards a furious Savior who stands powerless in the center of the ring. All he can do is watch as his belt is stolen from him. The next clip features Kitty Buehler slapping her husband Porno Lad across the cheek then leaving with Christian.

Remember when we
First had the thought of living
A perfect picture
But I did all the giving
Gave up my passions
To try to make you happy
The joke is over
And I’ll do all the laughing

A wide angled lens captures the entirety of the Five Star Society standing shoulder to shoulder over the bodies of Hurse and several other vanquished foes. The Original Prankster and the Rising Phoenix raise one another’s arms high above their heads, celebrating a victory over the Empire. It now cuts to the two men doing a trademark pose, with Porno Lad kneeling and flexing with Christian taunting the crowd via his gestures behind him. These feel good shots are replaced with scenes of Christian leaning through the ropes, microphone in hand, glaring at a furious Porno Lad on the ramp.

Christian: I’m cashing in my guaranteed Title rematch at Paranoia VII.

I can see
I can see it in your eyes
I can feel
I can feel it in my mind
I don’t care
I don’t care if you realize
What you see
What you see in my eyes

Although the camera is at first captivated by the image of Porno Lad celebrating in the center of the ring it now pans over his shoulder and zooms in on the face of Christian. He intently watches the Prankster’s every movement. Porno Lad and Christian Savior are shown going eye to eye, all that separates them is Dan Douglas. The camera zooms in on Christian as he throws his arms over the shoulders of Kitty Buehler and escorts her to the backstage area. Finally the video settles on Porno Lad’s conniving eyes and his disgusting grin.

I’m over me being under you
I’m breaking free and I’m breaking through
I’ve overcome all, I’m underneath
I can finally stand
I can finally breathe!
I can breathe!

The Epic Fail connects to Christian’s jaw before cutting to the Rising Phoenix leaping onto the trunk of a speeding limo. It then cuts to Savior spearing Porno Lad through the table, which is followed by a shot of Christian holding up the World Title then Porno Lad making off with that very same belt.

Savior: At Paranoia, the Five Star Society will come home to me, because they’ll side with a winner!

Porno Lad: I’ll save the Five Star Society, I’ll bring them to the promised land.

The show returns to the ringside area where the crowd stews in anticipation of this epic confrontation.

Mark: Ladies and gentlemen, we are moments from witnessing what promises to be one of the biggest matches we’ve ever had here at Paranoia VII.

May: That we are, Marky Mark, that we are. But let’s not forget what’s on the line in this match, a shot at the World Heavyweight Title in our main event.

The crowd suddenly comes unglued the moment that the entrance lyrics for the Rising Phoenix blare through the PA system. The oh so excited spectators converge around the barricades as through the curtains strolls the former World Heavyweight Champion himself, Christian Savior. He is ushered forth to a rousing reaction, the crowd surprisingly backing him as the lesser of two evils. Once paused upon the stage Christian takes a moment to overlook all those screaming and chanting his name then throws both arms out to his sides. An explosion of multicolored pyrotechnics first shoots from the stage, then from the Cartel-tron, then from the rafters and scaffolding, then the cameras cut to an aerial view of the Windsor Armory where fireworks are shooting from the top of the building. The fireworks display continues to enhance the excitement relating to Christian’s arrival. Savior lowers his arms and continues to head towards the ring, sporting new gear for this auspicious occasion. He slides into the ring across his stomach then leaps to his feet and goes rushing into the ropes, ricocheting off of them.

Tim: I hate to see it come to this but I know, judging by that look on Christian’s face, that we’re about to see an absolute classic.

Mark: I wouldn’t expect anything less from Christian. Say what you will about the Rising Phoenix, lord knows I’ve said a lot, but the guy always delivers here at Paranoia. He comes to life at this event, especially when titles are on the line, and they don’t get any bigger than the World Heavyweight Title.

May: If he wants the gold he’s gonna have to go through a man who has done everything in his power to hold Christian under his thumb.

Mark: The struggle for power within the ranks of the Five Star Society served as the impetus behind this feud but it’s the World Heavyweight Title that finally drove Savior and Porno Lad apart.

Savior continues to get himself psychological and physically ready for what he must endure next. The self glorifying lyrics of Porno Lad’s entrance theme jar Christian from his preparation. His head spins to the stage just as Porno Lad’s voice can be heard singing the lyrics to his ridiculously pompous theme music. Instead of locking his sights on his opponent Christian finds himself eying a beautiful set of twins. The two incredibly lovely ladies, both of which sporting matching blond hair strut to the stage side by side shaking pom-poms and adorned in some tight fitting cheerleader outfits.

May: I’m already loving this entrance.

Mark: More over the top spectacle from Porno Lad.

The two twins shout simultaneously.

Cheerleading Twins: Give me a P! Give me an L! What’s that spell? PL….POOOOOORNOOOO LAAAAD!

They begin to hop around and throw legs high into the air much to the delight of the male spectators. That’s when another set of twins in cheerleading attire move through the curtains and separate them for the Original Prankster himself. All those crammed into the Windsor Armory show no hesitation in verbally berating Porno Lad as he emerges from the backstage area. In spite of their reaction Porno Lad throws his arms out to his sides and spins before pivoting from one foot to the other on his way to the ring. He pauses to catch one of the twins around her hips and run his hand up her raised thigh. He then brushes her aside and proceeds towards the ring, straightening his hair in the process. Savior stands with his back to a turnbuckle, watching all of this with a smug shake of his head. PL climbs to the apron and slips through the ropes into the ring where he continues to spin and pose.

May: Wow, if only everyone could have such entrances, then I might take a bit more notice.

Mark: Porno Lad always turns Paranoia into some type of circus act when it comes to his entrances. Remember last year he came out here with Ron Jeremy?

Tim: Yeah, but I think he topped himself this year. Twins, Marky Mark, TWINS in cheerleading outfits!

Comeau: Over the top entrances aside, Porno Lad had better stop worrying about putting on a show and concentrate on wrestling this match. Christian poses his greatest challenge yet. If he wants to overcome the Rising Phoenix he has to be 100% focused and he has to be at his best. Especially considering that Porno Lad pretty much STOLE the Cartel Title from Savior on the last Riot! which gives Christian even more motivation to pulverize and punish the Original Prankster.

Tim: I noticed he didn’t come out with the Cartel Title either although he is officially recognized as THE Cartel Title holder.

Mark: He doesn’t want to chance Christian getting his hands on the belt.

The cheerleaders jump to the back still shaking their pom-poms while in the ring Porno Lad is removing his jacket, tossing it through the ropes to the outside of the ring. Christian watches his every move, eagerly anticipating the opportunity to strike.

Comeau: And the moment we’ve been waiting for, the SHOWDOWN is finally upon us. The dissolution of the Five Star Society has been long in the making and now we see it’s culmination here tonight, as the founders of the FSS collide. Driven apart by their World Title ambitions and brought together here at Paranoia for those very same ambitions. Who will emerge the victor, WHO will move on to face the World Heavyweight Champion later tonight?

Christian leans out of the corner, hands still gripping the perpendicular ropes, giving Porno Lad a menacing glare. The Original Prankster licks his lips in anticipation of this match getting underway, a match that gives him the opportunity to exact revenge on Christian for destroying his marriage and his union with the FSS. The second the bell chimes the opportunity for revenge for both men presents itself.

Savior immediately storms out of the corner only to have Porno Lad drop the false bravado and roll under the ropes to the outside.

May: BRILLIANT!

Comeau: How?

Tim: Because Porno Lad is doing it, DUH!

There is a strut in Porno Lad’s step as he walks around the ring, acting as if he’s playing mind games with Christian rather than simply avoiding the wrath of the Rising Phoenix. Christian shouts at him to get back in the ring, to face him like a true champion but the Original Prankster is fine with being idle until he’s ready to do battle.

Tim: He’ll get in the ring when he’s ready Christian, jeez, don’t rush the man.

Mark: This isn’t a platform for Porno Lad to grandstand. This is for a World Heavyweight Title shot, get back in the ring and….HERE WE GO!

Savior rushes across the ring, drops to the canvas and slides out, going straight after Porno Lad. The Original Prankster turns around to continue gloating only to get a mouth full of fist. Christian swings and drills him to the jaw, then does it again, and again to a riotous reaction from the crowd.

Comeau: Christian is all over Porno Lad like white on rice.

May: Have thee no patience?

Porno Lad desperately tries to cover up as the blows continue to connect. He’s finally dragged towards the barricade by the back of the head and thrown face first into the steel. He bounces off, turns and gets a boot directly to the ribs, followed by a knife edge chop straight to the sternum. The crowd is surprisingly loving every second of Christian’s offense, having really gotten behind him the past few months.

Another skin tearing chop nails Porno Lad’s sternum and almost sends him flipping over the barricade into the crowd. However, Christian catches the Original Prankster by the tights, turns him towards the ring and rolls him inside. The fans watch on with their heartbeats racing as Christian slides into the ring and slaps the canvas with both palms, stalking his prey.

May: He’s not setting up for one of his kill moves already?

Comeau: I think that’s exactly what he’s doing. He’s setting up to finish off his former stable-mate in a decisive way.

A startled Porno Lad slowly ascends to his feet just as Christian leaves his, leaping into the air and going for the code breaker. Just as he is about to pull Porno Lad down face first into his knees Ethan pushes his shins away, causing the Rising Phoenix to fly back and land with poise on his feet.

Porno Lad then rushes forward to take advantage only to have Christian leap into the air and dropkick him straight to the face. The fans unleash a sizeable pop as Porno Lad hits the canvas then desperately scrambles across it to his feet. He just stands up only to be taken down this time with a spinning heel kick from Christian, putting him down on his back once again.

In shock Porno Lad rolls to his feet utilizing the ropes as a crutch. It takes him a second to plant his legs beneath him before charging at Christian who preemptively leaps into the air for another big move. However, Porno Lad wisely reaches back and cuts off his own momentum by grabbing the top rope. As a result Christian lands back on his feet with absolutely nothing to show for his troubles.

To make matters all the more insufferable for Savior, Porno Lad turns and dives through the ropes right back to the outside.

Mark: Outta the ring Christian goes, he’s DESPERATE to avoid Savior who has just been dominating him since the get go. I wonder if he’s starting to avoid stealing the Cartel Championship now.

May: He didn’t STEAL it, he just RECLAIMED it.

Foolishly Porno Lad believes he’ll get a breather on the outside of the ring, doubled over with both hands wedged to his knees. He grabs his jaw, adjusting it, hoping that it hasn’t been fractured. Little does he know that Christian is rushing at the ropes running perpendicular to the ones he’s on the opposite side of.

Savior leaps to the middle cable, springs off, twists over the perpendicular rope and then comes crashing down right into Ethan with a splash. The fans come unglued, leaping from their seats and throwing up their arms in celebration.

Tim: WHOA! Never seen Savior do that!

Comeau: He’s busting out all the stops in the hopes of leaving here tonight as World Heavyweight Champion.

May: This issue goes beyond just the title though, Markie Mark.

Mark: Never slander me again by using a derivative nickname lifted from the New Kids on the Block.

Clear by the wild look in Porno Lad’s eyes, he’s shaken, nay reeling from this endless onslaught from Christian. Savior just keeps coming at him from every perceivable angle. Now he’s about to reach down and grab his beaten opposition only to stop, his arms dropping to his side. A disturbing grin slithers across his face as he slowly backs away from the Original Prankster. The crowd looses it when Christian bends forward and gestures for Porno Lad to stand up, motioning for the Spear of Destiny.

Comeau: We’re gonna see it RIGHT NOW!

Tim: This is not how Porno Lad envisioned his perfect Paranoia moment.

Every fan in attendance is upright encouraging Christian to deliver the spear that would put an emphatic end to Porno Lad. Ethan struggles to his feet, none the wiser, having no idea what is in store for him. With the aid of the steel steps he finally reaches an upright base, slowly turning to face sheer disaster. As soon as he turns around Christian is off like a bullet, hurdling towards Porno Lad and lunging in with the Spear of Destiny.

The crowd erupts, but not out of joy, it’s out of SHOCK! At the last second Porno Lad side steps Christian, takes him by the back of the head and pushes him along shoulder first right into the steel steps.

May: OHHH-hahahaha, Christian, he went right into the steps!

Mark: And worse yet they barely budged.

The sound of Savior’s shoulder smashing into the steel echoes throughout the arena and causes many in attendance to cringe. They now watch with baited breath as Savior painstakingly tries to reach his feet, unable to use his possibly broken shoulder to aid him.

Comeau: I can just imagine how much damage has been done to Christian’s shoulder. If he sustained an injury to the arm it pretty much guarantees that he’ll be unable to use the Spear of Destiny.

May: Nor will he be able to use the diamond cutter. Much of Christian’s offense is predicated on the use of his arms.

Savior grimaces as he stands and grips at his shoulder. He’s up just in time for Porno Lad to step away from the barricade and come charging in. He walks right into the raised boot of Savior though, Christian still having the wherewithal to deliver the defensive blow. Porno Lad turns away from Savior looking very confused as he staggers towards the ring and rolls in under the ropes.

All the while Savior follows behind, climbing up to the apron and beginning to slip into the air. He makes the mistake of putting his injured arm over the middle cable first and it cost him dearly. Porno Lad leaps to his feet, grabs the injured arm and drops back, hitting a divorce court shoulder breaker. To make it all the more painful Christian’s arm is dragged down into the middle cable, snapping his shoulder back.

Comeau: If it wasn’t injured before now it’s got to be, Porno Lad wisely going right after the arm.

May: Ethan is showing the wrestling credentials that he picked up over the past few years, and he’s definitely using them to his advantage here tonight.

The cringing Phoenix employs the ropes to stand up, cradling his arm to his stomach all the while. He makes another crucial mistake by turning his back towards the ring, one that Porno Lad immediately takes advantage on. The FSS leader gets a running start before leaping into the air and driving his knee over the ropes into Christian’s upper back. The force of the collision sends Savior flying off the apron, twisting and colliding shoulder first into the barricade.

May: What a N-A-S-T-Y landing!

Christian flies back, hits the mats and immediately grips his swelling arm, which is now turning different shades of black and blue.

Mark: Even more damage inflicted on the shoulder.

Tim: Porno Lad strategically targeting the weakest point of Christian’s anatomy and it’s gonna pay off in dividends when HIS arm is raised high in the air after this match.

A sense of desperation begins to set in for Christian, who can feel his arm swelling and growing weaker with every passing second. He eventually works his way up to his feet only to have Porno Lad slips out of the ring and close the gap. He steps in behind Christian and grabs his arm, tucking it around behind his back in a hammerlock. The crowd watches in terror as Porno Lad swings Savior all the way around and then throws him shoulder first right into the steel barricade.

May: That looks about as painful as painful gets.

The steel reverberates outward from Christian’s potentially fractured shoulder. He collapses to the mats, stretched across them and quivering in pain. After disabling one of Christian’s most potent offensive tools, Porno Lad throws a knee over the barricade and sits on top of it, arms outstretched to his sides. He receives a deafening reaction, and it isn’t in the form of cheers.

Tim: How dare they disrespect such a phenomenal athlete.

Comeau: He’s no more than an opportunist, Tim, and he’s done absolutely nothing to endear himself to this audience.

In the midst of Porno Lad’s grandstanding Christian is using this valuable time to drag his weary body up. He gets to his feet just as Porno Lad starts in, prompting the Rising Phoenix to cut him off with a straight kick to the ribs. The shot knocks the air out of his rival and sends him staggering back a few steps.

This window of opportunity is one that Christian hopes to quickly capitalize on. He leaps to the apron and grabs the ropes with his good hand, perhaps preparing to take flight yet again. We may never know his true intentions, because Porno Lad quickly cuts him off. He leaps up to the apron and grabs Christian’s arm, folding it around behind his back then dropping into a hammerlock DDT that plants Savior shoulder first into the hard ring apron.

May: His shoulder is broken, it’s got to be broken after that! Gotta be!

Comeau: Hammerlock DDT on the apron potentially fracturing Christian’s arm and doing even greater damage to his shoulder. If Porno Lad has any chance of walking away from this match the victor he needs to take advantage of this now and stop with all the flamboyance.

Christian writhes, rolling back into the ring and gripping the wrist of his targeted arm. He shakes it several times, hoping to remove the numbness. He isn’t given ample time to repair because Porno Lad is already leaping right over the ropes and twisting into a splash across his sternum. The Original Prankster goes as far as to wedge his forearm against Christian’s face in a disrespectful act.

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Savior kicks out in spite of his injured shoulder.

Mark: Porno Lad showing some intelligence….

May: Why do you say that like it’s shocking?

Comeau: I’m just surprised that he even knows psychology.

Tim: The man has learned more about wrestling in the span of one year than you have throughout your entire career, Marky Mark.

Mark: Call me that again and you’ll see just how adept I am in wrestling.

A perturbed Porno Lad grabs Christian’s arm and rolls right back out of the ring. Savior is unable to stop being dragged across his stomach towards the ring post, this is where Porno Lad yanks back the arm from the outside of the ring and swings it bicep first into that very steel support.

Christian roars in anguish as his bicep is almost torn thanks to the devastating impact with the steel. The official verbally berates Porno Lad for his tactics but his comments do nothing to stop the Original Prankster from continuing to exploit this advantage.

He backs up and gets a running start before delivering a swift kick right to the bicep of Christian while it is pinned against the post. A shrill scream emits from the Rising Phoenix, who reaches for his bicep and tries to pull it in close to his body so he can protect it. Porno Lad isn’t letting that happen, he grabs hold of the wrist and pulls the arm across the post. A devious smirk inhabits his face as he begins to wrap the arm around the steel.

May: Yes, yes, yes, here we go, Porno Lad setting up for the key lock around the ring post.

Mark: We’ve seen him debilitate opponents before by putting them in this disturbing submission manuev…..noooo!

Much to Porno Lad’s chagrin Christian saw this move coming and quickly rolls to his side, going right under the ropes to the outside. Porno Lad remains on the opposite side of the ring post still gripping Christian’s wrist. As soon as the Rising Phoenix plants his feet on the mats and cocks back his fist Porno Lad reacts by yanking Savior by his wrist and pulling him shoulder first right into the ring post.

May: Ahhh that’s more like it. Porno Lad thinking on the fly.

Mark: As you said, Tim, Porno Lad really has adapted….

May: No, no, no, too late to jump on the bandwagon now.

With his shoulder mangled Christian has very little defense against the man who turned from a trusted ally to his reviled rival. Porno Lad is well aware of this as he steps in, takes Christian by the hair, turns him towards the ring and rolls him inside. He quickly scrambles in as well and crawls into the cover, hooking one leg and pressing his spine to Christian’s sternum.

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Savior kicks out once more, resulting in a piercing roar of approval from the sold out crowd.

May: I feel your pain, Porno Lad, this is really starting to get annoying.

Comeau: Porno Lad growing frustrated that he can’t keep Christian down in spite of pulverizing that arm.

The Original Prankster reaches down and grabs Christian by the wrist before pointing at the ring-post once again.

May: He’s gonna apply that key lock on the post no matter what.

The crowd cringes at the thought as Porno Lad begins to drag Christian across the ring by his injured arm, turning his back on the Rising Phoenix as he pulls him along. That’s when Savior reaches out with his one good arm and grabs the back of Porno Lad’s trunks, yanking downward on them. He intends to go for a school boy but is unable to use his other arm to get it established.

As a result Porno Lad hits the canvas across his back and simply rolls over in reverse to his feet. He stands up just as a recovered Christian comes rushing towards him, having more than enough time to get his foot up and drive it right into the face of his adversary.

The quick kick knocks Savior away and sends him twisting to the canvas where he lands on a single knee. Porno Lad now gets a running start, grabs him by the back of the head and pulls him down into a one handed bulldog that drives Savior face first into the canvas.

May: Somehow he gets more and more impressive with every passing second.

Mark: Don’t you mean, more and more annoying?

May: NO! That’s not what I meant at all. How dare you make such insinuations.

Porno Lad has the audacity to yawn and pat his hand against his mouth, acting as if Christian poses no challenge whatsoever in spite of the beat-down Savior delivered at the start of this match. Thanks to Porno Lad’s extensive assault on the arm however, Savior’s red hot streak has been cooled and now he lies on the canvas frozen. Porno Lad takes full advantage of his prone opponent, grabbing his arm and extending it over the canvas mere inches from the turnbuckle.

May: Now what is he setting up for?

Comeau: God only knows when it comes to Porno Lad.

The Original Pranksters throws his arms out to his sides and shouts to the crowd.

Porno Lad: Prepare to be dazzled you bastards!

His slanderous vow is met with a unanimous wave of disgust, even as he tries to follow through on his promise. He leaps to the top rope and drops thighs first into the cables, sending him flipping back into a split legged moonsault directed at Christian’s arm.

Somehow Savior pulls his injured limb to his body and avoids the moonsault, causing Porno Lad to change up his plans by landing directly on his feet. He staggers back to catch himself and then rushes right at a now seated Savior only to be grabbed by the front of the tights and yanked down face first into the second turnbuckle pad.

Tim: Backfire!

Porno Lad’s skull bounces back and he stumbles into the waiting arms of Savior who yet again goes for the school boy. To his dismay he is still unable to use his injured arm to perfect the pin, allowing Porno Lad to slip easily out of his clutches and roll back to his feet.

He stands up and charges at Christian who leaps to an upright base then reaches out and catches the Original Prankster around the neck. The crowd squeals as Savior goes for the diamond cutter only to be pushed off and sent barreling forward into the turnbuckle.

At the last second Christian leaps into the air, lands on the middle rope and springs off before twisting towards Porno Lad who wisely ducks. Savior alters his flight plan, slipping over his rival’s back and catching him around the waist before pulling him down into the sunset flip.

May: What the hell is this now!?!

Comeau: Christian could have Porno Lad, he could be moving on to the title match!

The referee slips into position and makes the count with the crowd screeching.

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2

Porno Lad not only kicks out but rolls backwards straight to his feet. He then barrels towards the seated Christian and goes for a straight kick to the face. However, the Rising Phoenix drops back, avoiding the boot which travels right over his head. He now reaches up, grabs Porno Lad’s tights and this time successfully pulls him down into the school boy. Again the crowd is screeching as the official slaps the canvas.

May: Now the school boy, kick out, kick out!

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Yet again Porno Lad dashes the hopes of Savior and the crowd by kicking out and dropping to his knees.

May: Oh thank….NO!

Christian rushes to his feet and shockingly applies the front chancery on the kneeling Porno Lad, setting up for the inverted DDT.

Mark: This is gonna be it! Christian’s gonna finish him with the….AHH!

Suddenly Porno Lad spins out of the front chancery, grabbing Christian’s wrist and delivering an arm whip that sends him hurdling into the canvas shoulder first. His arm smashes into the ring and causes Savior to sit up writhing in pain, clutching at his fractured shoulder.

Tim: Perfect, perfect counter by the Original Prankster…..and here we go!

Comeau: KEY LOCK!

Porno Lad steps in front of Christian, grabs the arm, pulls it around behind his back and applies the key lock submission hold.

May: He’s got it synched in and now there is no other option for Christian but to tap out.

The majority of the fans are on their feet watching with baited breath as Christian screams from the anguish flowing through his arm. The cries only inspire Porno Lad to apply more pressure on the key lock, really digging in deep.

May: Porno Lad is about to score the submission then move on to have his true Paranoia moment by winning the World Title in tonight’s main event.

Comeau: If Christian cannot escape this key lock that could very well be the case.

Porno Lad continues to stoop over Savior’s shoulder and twist the arm at a violent angle even as Christian begins to rise to his feet. The crowd only gets louder as the Rising Phoenix…..RISES, ascending to an upright base then standing straight up. As a result of his sudden upward jerk he sends Porno Lad flying over his shoulder and over the ropes behind him with a back drop.

Tim: NO….oh, sheeeeew.

Instead of crashing to the outside Porno Lad lands on the apron knees first and holds onto the middle rope. He then quickly stands up as a traumatized Christian turns to face him and leaps through the ropes, attempting to ram his shoulder symbolically into his opponent’s ribs. To his dismay Christian sidesteps him, catches Porno Lad’s head with his good arm, backs across the ring then heaves him into the air before ultimately spiking him on top of his skull with the implant DDT.

May: Where the…..!?! HUH!?!

Comeau: Inverted DDT connects, Christian shocking us all with that beautiful counter which may very well take him to tonight’s main event.

Tim: I think not. It looks like he can’t follow up.

Savior’s chest heaves as he lies on the canvas trying to recuperate, shaking his arm out to his side. Porno Lad lies next to him, motionless, body twitching every few seconds after being dropped right on his head. Finally Christian begins to roll over, but he mistakenly turns AWAY from Porno Lad. He gets to his knees and continues cradling his swelling arm to his stomach, his flesh growing blue around the muscle. He squeezes his hand into a fist a couple times and eventually reaches his feet just as Porno Lad is doing the same.

The Original Prankster is on unsure footing but it doesn’t stop from stepping in and going for a right hand. It’s blocked and countered by Christian, who responds with a straight right to his rival’s forehead, followed by another and another. Porno Lad staggers across the ring and almost falls over thanks to these hard shots to the cranium only to somehow maintain his footing.

Comeau: Savior starting to build some momentum and this could be very VERY dangerous for the Original Prankster, who is rapidly loosing control over this contest.

After taking another shot to the skull Porno Lad drops to a knee, his brain scrambled by these strikes. Christian realizes that momentum is beginning to shift back in his favor, prompting him to step back and slap his chest before roaring towards the audience who replies favorably to his battle cry.

He now steps in and goes for another right hand only to have Porno Lad duck it and quickly step behind his back. Savior turns around and Porno Lad catches him by the injured arm, dropping back into the divorce court shoulder breaker. Porno Lad hits the canvas but has nothing to show for his troubles because Christian has grabbed the top rope with his free arm and prevented being taken down.

Porno Lad smashes into the canvas and then quickly rolls across it to his feet before barreling towards Savior who catches him to the jaw with a desperation back elbow. The stiff strike nearly knocks Porno Lad’s teeth out and sends him staggering back across the ring, giving Savior some valuable time to recuperate.

He finally turns to face his opposition and comes steam rolling out of the ropes only for the Original Prankster to side step him, catch the back of his head and push him along into the ropes.

As Christian charges into the far cables Porno Lad lifts his foot and stomps it to the canvas, clearly setting up for the Epic Fail.

May: Here it comes!

Mark: Epic Fail moments away….!

Porno Lad swings around and drives his boot into nothing but thin air, Christian ducking under the lethal, match ending kick and traveling into the ropes behind his rival’s back. He bounces off and then leaps into the spear. The crowd squeals as Savior flies through the air, completely missing his target because Porno Lad quickly dropped to his stomach. Savior soars over his back and half way across the ring before crashing into the canvas face and shoulder first. He ends up under a turnbuckle, looking absolutely spent and knocked silly by his unfortunate clash with the canvas.

Tim: Wow oh wow, both men mere seconds from hitting their finishing moves only to miss them. The action in this match has just been incredible thus far.

Mark: That it has Tim, that it has. We are seeing a show stealing performance from both men, DESPERATE to earn that World Title opportunity at the end of the night.

Tim: Yeah, but how much are they gonna have left in the tank after this?

Although winded and shaken Porno Lad reaches his feet and spots Christian’s perfect positioning. He quickly takes off and leaps right over the prone body of his opponent before lunging onto the ropes, dropping with the back of his thighs across the top cables then flipping back into the split legged moonsault.

The fans prepare themselves for the worse but should have been steadying themselves for a truly awe inspiring sight. Christian quickly leaps to his feet just as Porno Lad flips back and catches his opponent’s knees right on top of his shoulders. He then grabs the creases of Porno Lad’s knees, holding them over his shoulders, steps forward and leaps into the air. He comes down to his knees delivering a reverse piledriver with Porno Lad hanging over his back.

May: OH MY GAWD!?!

Mark: An absolutely incredible counter, I’ve never seen anything like that in all my years of wrestling or commentary.

Tim: He caught Porno Lad in mid split legged moonsault then dropped him right on his head.

The crowd is even astonished by what they just witnessed, so astonished in fact that they are provoked into a phrase synonymous with only the most jaw dropping moments.

Fans: THAT WAS AWESOME, THAT WAS AWESOME, THAT WAS AWESOME!

The chanting only concludes when a sweaty, panting Christian crawls into the lateral press on a now unconscious Porno Lad, hooking both his legs via his one good remaining arm.

Mark: This is it, Christian is going to the main event.

May: I think he might deserve to considering he stooped to murdering Porno Lad just for the title.

The referee slides into position and makes an emphatic count, the crowd chanting along with each slap of the canvas.

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KICK-OUT!

May: Holy Hannah! Porno Lad kicked out after being spiked right on his noodle.

Comeau: I thought Christian had it for sure, I thought he was on his way to a World Title match against the winner of Jason Zero versus Jake Starr.

Tim: Porno Lad isn’t gonna give up his perfect Paranoia that easily. No sir.

Just as the crowd begins to simmer down the fiery eyed Christian gives them cause to heat up. Although highly disgruntled over that last kick out Christian stands up, shaking his injured arm out to his side and stumbling towards one of the turnbuckles. He turns his back to the corner and bends forward, both hands pressed to his knees. He licks his lips, eyes bulging from their sockets as he sets up for the Spear of Destiny.

Mark: Christian is absolutely determined to emerge from Paranoia as World Champion, to right the wrong committed against him last year. But in order to do that he MUST hit the Spear of Destiny, he MUST put an end to his former partner, Porno Lad.

Mayne: He’s about to, God help us all he’s about to.

The crowd highly anticipates this moment, sitting on the edges of their seats if their sitting at all. Every eye is fixated on Christian as he urges Porno Lad to his feet, every muscle in his body tense as he waits to tear his rival in two.

A wild eyed Porno Lad begins to limp to his feet, having no idea what awaits him. He looks absolutely lost after that last deadly drop on his head as he slowly turns towards his demise. Doom comes in the form of the Spear of Destiny, Christian barreling out of the corner and diving forward right into the Epic Fail!

May: AAAAHHHH!

The crowd is positively electrified as Porno Lad counters the Spear of Destiny with his patented spinning superkick, the Epic Fail, catching Christian right on his temple.

Mark: You’ve gotta be….the Epic Fail, the Epic Fail delivered!

Savior is knocked out cold thanks to the thunderous kick. He is sprawled across his back and Porno Lad is falling forward into the cover. He hooks both legs this time, not taking any chances.

May: I think we’re about to witness Porno Lad’s perfect Paranoia moment after one of the….just wow!

Mark: One of the most stunning counters we’ve EVER witnessed. Porno Lad avoiding the Spear of Destiny by delivering the Epic Fail and it has sealed Christian’s fate.

The screaming audience tries to catch their breathe as the official makes the count.

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3!

Porno Lad moves on, he has advanced to the main….NO….Christian got a shoulder up.

Tim: WWWWHHHAAAT!?!

A bulge forms in Porno Lad’s throat as he is informed by the official that Savior kicked out, cutting short his celebration. The crowd is hyperventilating at this point but can’t stop screaming over that surprising feat from Savior.

Mark: Christian Savior has just done what no man or woman has been able to since Porno Lad debuted here in the IWC. He has kicked out of the Epic Fail.

May: I’m so shocked I’m ALMOST speechless. Nobody kicks out of the Epic Fail, no one.

Porno Lad looks truly disillusioned, grasping at his hair as he tries to figure out what just went wrong. He shakes off his surprise and grabs Christian by the hair, rolling him to his stomach and then pulling his injured arm around behind his back, applying the key lock yet again.

May: KEY LOCK.

Mark: Porno Lad has got that hold established yet again and is now desperate to earn the submission victory. After taking the Epic Fail is it even conceivable that Christian could escape this hold?

May: This is Paranoia, Marky Mark, where anything is possible.

A piercing roar comes from Christian’s lungs as his arm is twisted and violently ripped in the clutches of his desperate opponent. With tears in his eyes Porno Lad screams towards the heavens.

Porno Lad: TAAAAAP! Just TAAAAP!

Savior is unresponsive to Porno Lad’s demands. He does slam his palm into the canvas but it isn’t to tap out, it’s in order to push himself up to his knees. He tries to get to his feet only for Porno Lad to twist the arm at the elbow and put even further pressure on the hold, bringing him right back down to his chest.

The surprisingly spunky Savior wedges his knees under himself a second time only for Porno Lad to yank at the arm and bring him to his chest for a second time.

May: How much longer can Christian fight it? How much longer can he hang in there when his arm is being completely decimated at the hands of Porno Lad?

Comeau: Both of these men are obsessed with the World Title, driving them to go past their breaking points, past their physical limits. That’s exactly what we’re seeing from these two here tonight.

After being brought to his stomach a third time Christian finally begins to toy with the prospect of submitting. He lifts his hand into the air, fingers twiddling over the canvas.

Tim: He’s gonna do it right here, he’s gonna do it right now. Savior is gonna tap out and Porno Lad is gonna move onto that World Title shot.

The fans clamor around the barricades watching intently as Savior’s hand draws closer and closer to the canvas. Many are pleading with him not to submit, not to give up, not to bow to the pressure he is under. Their shrill cries actually seem to snap sense into Savior, who hits the canvas not with his palm but with his foot. He uses his feet to begin dragging himself sideways across the ring before reaching out and draping his ankle over the bottom rope.

May: Now he’s reached the ropes? How much testosterone did Christian ingest before this match?

Mark: He is only fueled by one thing, his hunger for the World Heavyweight Title, and believe me, that hunger is insatiable.

When the referee demands Porno Lad break the hold the Original Prankster leaps to his feet and throws his arms up into the air in victory, living in denial. Now it’s up to the ref to inform him that Christian DID NOT tap out. This causes Porno Lad to drop his arms and slap his palms together, claiming that he heard Savior tap. Even PL’s superb thespian skills are unable to convince the referee that this is the case, the official informing Porno Lad that the match must continue.

This causes Porno Lad to flip out, spitting at the canvas and the referee before finally approaching the nearby turnbuckle. He spins around and wedges his spine to the corner, anticipating Christian’s slow upward progression. To the shock of the crowd Porno Lad lifts his foot into the air and dramatically stomps it to the canvas. He then lifts it and stomps again and again, symbolizing that he is mere seconds from delivering the Epic Fail and simultaneously paying homage to a retired icon.

Comeau: Porno Lad channeling the spirit of recently retired legend Shawn Michaels as he sets up for the Epic Fail.

May: Shawn Michaels ain’t got nothin’ on Porno Lad, nothin!

Mark: Could this be the very move that FINALLY puts an unequivocal end to what has undoubtedly been a match of the year candidate? Is the Epic Fail gonna end this rivalry once and for all?

Porno Lad can feel it, the crowd can feel it, Christian can possibly even feel it as he stumbles and staggers to his feet. The end is drawing near, Porno Lad is on the verge of victory as he builds anticipation with each stomp of the canvas. With heart beats racing and emotions running high Porno Lad finally steps out of the corner, spins around and launches his foot right into Christian’s jaw only to be ripped in two with the Spear of Destiny!

May: YAAAAA!

Mark: The SPEAR….the SPEAR of Destiny! Christian counters…..my goodness he counters into the Spear of Destiny!

Porno Lad hits the canvas and begins to cough up a lung as Christian falls away from him clutching at his badly injured shoulder and swollen arm, using this limb much to his detriment.

Comeau: Savior showing how much this victory means to him by using his injured arm to deliver the Spear of Destiny, now he just has to make the cover…he’s going for it….here he goes!

Into the lateral press Christian climbs, arm pinned to his stomach as he hooks Porno Lad’s leg. The crowd counts along, riveted by every slap of the canvas, drawing closer to an ultimate winner of this grueling encounter.

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2

3!!

The fans explode as the hand comes down to the canvas for a third straight time only to stop mere inches above the ring when Porno Lad gets his shoulder up.

Tim: OH..oh WOW!

Mark: Now Porno Lad kicks out of the Spear of Destiny!! Somehow…..he….he kicked out! I have no idea how they can keep doing this!

May: I’m almost speechless, ALMOST.

The building rumbles with applause, the crowd absolutely shocked by this turn of events. Christian, injured arm and all sluggishly begins to rise to his feet, looking to be at a loss. Fatigue has set in and Savior’s legs can barely support his weight as he stumbles in the direction of the turnbuckle.

May: I’m not sure this is a wise decision on Christian’s part.

Mark: He’s left with one last recourse, to go high risk.

Savior ascends the turnbuckle slowly, yet can barely inch his way to the top after all the physicality he’s endured in this gutty performance here tonight. With his ribs enflamed by the spear Porno Lad sluggishly rolls to his side, trying desperately to stand up, knowing that he has to cut Savior off before he can reach the top rope.

The Rising Phoenix turns around on the middle cable, gripping his bicep and squeezing his palm repeatedly to shake off the damage that has been done. The moment he turns to face his arch rival, Porno Lad takes off across the ring and steps up the ropes, grabbing hold of Christian’s arm.

May: Uh oh, top rope divorce court!

PL is just about to drop back and shatter Christian’s arm when Savior grabs the top rope with his one good hand and plants his feet across the middle cable. Porno Lad lurches back and tries to hit the move again but Christian refuses to be taken down. He now balls up his fist and swings it directly into PL’s jaw. He follows this up with another right hand to PL’s face, severally disorientating the Original Prankster.

Mark: This is a very precious position that both men find themselves in. Either Christian or Porno Lad are going to come down off that turnbuckle, which one is it going to be?

Tim: Look at this?

Savior frees his injured arm from the clutches of his rival then reaches out and wraps it around Porno Lad’s neck. PL’s eyes widen as Savior stands up straight and leaps off the turnbuckle, going for a super ace crusher.

May: Top rope cutter!

At the last possible second Porno Lad SHOVES Christian off and sends him plummeting from a great height spine first right into the ring.

Mark: But Porno Lad avoids it, he saves himself.

Tim: I guess you can say he was his own personal savior here tonight.

Comeau: Erm, yeah, sure.

Now that Porno Lad has the high ground he takes his time setting up, waiting anxiously for a broken Christian to stand. He gestures for him to get up several times, anticipating what he believes will be the final move in this physical bout. Savior slowly, sluggishly ascends to his feet, every muscle in his body sore from fatigue. He just reaches his feet when Porno Lad takes flight, soaring through the air with all the confidence in the world before feeling the full force of Christian’s shoulder ramming into his ribcage.

Mark: SPEAR!

The fans explode as Porno Lad flies back and slams with incredible force against the canvas. He wraps his arms around his waist and begins to convulse as Savior kneels at his side, having just taken him out of the air with his finishing move.

May: The Spear of Destiny connects again!

Mark: Is Savior going to the main event, is he going to get his World Title match?

The whole building is shaking with cheers as Savior crawls into the cover, hooking both legs, finding himself on the verge of the biggest win in his IWC career. The ref drops into position and the crowd counts along.

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3

The roof is almost blown off the Windsor Armory when Porno Lad fails to kick out and Christian’s arm is raised triumphant in victory.

Mark: He’s done it, good lord Christian has finally done it. He’s just pinned Porno Lad, he has just defeated the unbeatable Prankster and he’s going to the main event for a World Title match!

Tim: What a surprising turn of events after an AMAZING one on one match between these two.

Porno Lad lies on his side quivering, hands wrapped around his mid-section after that devastating spear. It has yet to sink in on him that he’s lost his opportunity at the World Heavyweight Title, not even as Christian’s entrance music hits and the Rising Phoenix stands up celebrating. He drops to a knee, looking so exhausted that he can’t even stand up at this point. The crowd stands for him, giving Savior a just deserved round of applause.

Comeau: A standing ovation for Christian after he wins what was perhaps the most emotional, most thrilling match of his entire career, and he does it all here tonight at Paranoia.

Tim: But after a classic like this, is Christian going to be able to move on and win that World Heavyweight Title?

Mark: Good question, we’ll find out later in the evening….wait, this might be trouble.

In the midst of Savior’s celebration attention deviates to the ramp where BFG, Katie Steward, a sweaty Katelyn Buehler, an aching Jon Rich, Robin Brooks and Paris Dannon are strutting.

May: It’s the Five Star Society.

Mark: Are they here to congratulate or ambush Christian?

The tension in the building is heightened as the group begins to enter the ring in mass, surrounding a kneeling Savior. Christian only stops clutching his arm long enough to form a fist with his good hand, ready to defend himself even against these insurmountable odds. There is nothing he can do though as Rich and BFG swoop in behind him, grab hold of his legs and lift him high into the air on top of their shoulders. Brooks, Steward and Dannon stand back clapping for the victorious Rising Phoenix.

Tim: Their not attacking him, their celebrating with him.

Mark: It looks like the Five Star Society has made it’s choice, they are siding with Christian Savior after his amazing victory here tonight at Paranoia VII.

The celebration persists with the crowd highly enthused by this emotional moment. Savior continues to sit on the shoulders of his FSS comrades, lifting his fist high above his head in celebration.

Mark: Ladies and gentlemen, this is what Paranoia is all about, matches and moments just like these. And there will be even more moments such like this one as this night continues.

May: Yeah, don’t forget, this was only our second match here tonight.

THE BIG REVEAL

Cameras cut away from Savior’s victory party in the ring to capture a limo flanked by a motorcade of police cars and officers mounted upon motorcycles as it slowly careens towards the Windsor Armory.

Mark: Ladies and gentlemen much speculation has been made about the identity of the new co-owner of the IWC, but all that guessing and speculation is going to end in mere moments. The individual that Orlando Cruze sold his half of the IWC to is on their way to the building and they will reveal themselves to the world.

May: It’s not you is it? I think we’ve had enough commentators as presidents.

Comeau: No, I can assure you it’s not me. Who is the new owner? You, the fans, will find out when we do later on tonight.

May: As if Paranoia wasn’t already big enough.

Mark: Speaking of big, how about the match we are about to witness next?

MATCH ADVERT

Max Craven flashes an intimidating glare towards the camera before cutting to Shaun Cruze wearing a huge grin. The two are now juxtaposed shoulder to shoulder.

Mark: Shaun Cruze will make his Paranoia debut when he collides one on one with the veteran Max Craven in what should be a very personal confrontation.

May: These two have been beating the stuffing out of each other for weeks but the ultimate victor will be decided right here at Paranoia VII.

The opening rifts of “You Know My Name” kicks in over the arena system, the crowd going absolutely crazy, some remembering that this was the Icon's music from long ago. Shaun steps through the curtain, to a reception normally reserved for the likes of Orlando, and he begins to walk down the ramp. The reaction only gets louder when Shaun pauses on the middle of the ramp and points back towards the stage where an explosion of confetti shoots into the air. It now dissipates and flies over the audience as well as around Shaun, almost making him invisible amongst the shards of purple and white paper. He marches through this storm of confetti and straight up the steps into the ring.

May: I didn’t get confetti when I made my entrance.

Mark: Nor do you deserve to. Shaun Cruze on the verge of wrestling the biggest match of his entire career.

Tim: Duh, he’s only had like three matches thus far, and this is his first at Parnaoia.

Comeau: I was just getting to that thank you.

Tim: Well you were taking too long.

Mark: This is Shaun’s Paranoia debut, I know the butterflies have to be flapping around in his stomach and the pressure is on him to carry on the Cruze family legacy. Thankfully he has a sufficient amount of inspiration to overcome those jitters given his opponent, a man who has made his life a living hell since his debut in the IWC.

The house lights melt down to black as a major-key alto-soprano Gregorian chant begins...but instead of an actual Gregorian chant, they talk-sing the following...

I-RA-TUUUUS...ANTI MAAAAACHINAAAAAA...DEEEEEUUUUUS...EEEEEX MAAAAACHINAAAAA...IN MAX WE TRUUUUUUST...AT THE CHUUUUUURRRRRCH...OF HOT ADDIIIIIIIICTIONNNNNN...

It cross-fades into "Church of Hot Addiction" by Cobra Starship, and the lights begin flashing green, gold, white, and black. The Cartel-Tron, meanwhile, shows green code raining down on a black background, forming words and phrases to match the chants. A black-with-green-trim-robed figure emerges from the back as the music gets to the first verse.

Just let me ask you--"HEY..."

He is accompanied by another robed figure, quite a bit smaller, and her hood is lowered, revealing Mercy Heaven. They reach the center of the stage.

"...Have you heard of my RELIGION??"

They pause and lower their heads as Mercy goes behind the robed figure.

"It's called the 'Church of Hot Addiction', and we believe that God has lust for ev-er-y-thin'...cuz NOW..."

The robed figure thrusts his arms out and the robe suddenly "flies" off his body into Mercy's hands, accompanied by outward-shooting pyros from either side of the ramp, revealing a grinning MAX in the middle of the spark-storm.

"...The time has come for your DEVOTION...and you already got the NOTION...of what I need; so give it, just give it, just give it to me...(you're will-ing, I'm wait-ing...turn out the lights!)"

The lights melt down during that line, then they begin flashing even faster on the next line as MAX runs to the ring at medium speed, Mercy walking to the backstage area with the robes in hand.

The moment that Max enters the ring he begins showboating to the perceived delight of the masses.

Mark: Max Craven marching straight into that ring, showing absolutely no fear or hesitation when it comes to facing Shaun here tonight.

May: Why should he? Cruze is just a rookie, Max is a veteran with loads of experience. He’s been on the Paranoia card before.

Comeau: True, BUT he’s never won at a Paranoia either. If he wants his very first win he’ll have to defeat Shaun in order to earn it, and after everything that Craven has put Shaun through, I don’t think it’s going to be easy task.

The bell chimes with both men already circling each other. It doesn’t take long for the impulsive Craven to make the first move, leaping at the legs only to have Shaun smack him down to the canvas by the back of the head and leap back. Craven gets to his feet and the two begin to circle each other yet again.

Mark: We’ve seen a lot of this here tonight, the long feeling out process as neither athlete wants to make a critical mistake here on the biggest stage of them all.

May: So in other words, their just being great big pusses. There is no success without risk, Marky Mark.

Comeau: Please don’t ever call me that again.

Shaun looks rather tentative to tie up with Craven while Max is all flash as usual. He has a little swagger in his step and a smirk on his face as he slowly lifts his hands into the air, calling for a Greco Roman Knuckle lock.

Tim: Been a while since we’ve seen one of these.

The crowd is pleased that Max is doing some good old down home wrestling with Cruze following suit. He reaches out and the two just begin to interlock hands when Craven kicks Shaun right in the gut, then does so again and again. Laughter emanates from the callous Craven.

Max: I can’t believe you fell for that…IDIOT!

Before Shaun can react he’s grabbed by the wrist and whipped across the ring right into the opposite cables. He ricochets off and comes right back in at Max who catches Shaun by the ribs, throws him up high into the air then steps out of the way as he plummets to the canvas. Shaun slams into the ring, bounces back to his knees and is then subjected to a sleeper hold from the crafty veteran.

May: Ha. Max suckered Shaun in and he paid for it.

Mark: I don’t get this. Generation Now is based around the premise that they want to bring wrestling back to the sport of…well….wrestling, and yet they keep pulling these underhanded tactics left and right. They’re hypocrites.

Craven squeezes at the neck, bringing all the blood to Shaun’s face. When it becomes obvious that Cruze has no intention of submitting, Max flings the back of his head down into the canvas then drops a knee right across his face.

The New Icon grabs at his facial features, batting his eyes in an attempt to remain conscious. All the while the kneeling Craven reaches out and pie faces him several times in an act of utter disrespect.

Tim: Now he’s getting in his head. I’m liking this Max Craven guy more and more with each passing second.

Max rises to his feet, backs away and then gets a running start for another knee drop. However, Shaun isn’t about to fall victim to the same move twice. He reaches out, grabs the back of Craven’s legs and rips them out from under his body. He quickly stands up, dragging Craven by the ankle towards the ropes and then rolling under them to the outside. With Max’s leg draped over the apron Shaun takes advantage of positioning. He lifts the leg into the air and pulls it down knee first into the apron.

A stunned Craven doesn’t even have time to nurse his wound before he’s yanked by the ankle and dragged to the outside of the ring. Shaun wedges a shoulder to his ribs and rams Max’s spine into the apron this time before taking him by the wrist. A shocked Max is launched across the mats spine first right into the steel barricade.

Mark: Cruze flipping out and taking it to Craven, who has made his life miserable ever since he debuted in the IWC.

May: If there’s one thing synonymous with Paranoia, it’s the concept of “vengeance,” and that’s what this match is all about.

With his back killing him Craven staggers away from the barrier right into Shaun’s clutches. He lifts him up and then scoop slams him right across the thin protective mats. A roar emanates from Craven as he turns to his side, reaching for his kidneys.

Comeau: Scoop slam right on the outside of the ring.

Max is led to his feet via his neck then rolled into the ring, now ending up sprawled across his back. Yet again Shaun takes advantage of positioning, showing some true veteran like instincts in spite of being a rookie. He slides in and lifts his elbow, planting it square to Max’s chest.

Right after the elbow connects Cruze goes rolling under the ropes to the apron. He stands up, grabs the top cable then comes flipping over it into a hot-shot senton bomb right across Max’s ribcage. Craven sits up grabbing at his ribs only to fall victim to a sleeper hold from Shaun.

Mark: The complexion of this match changing dramatically with Shaun now getting the advantage and applying the very sleeper hold that Max had him in a few moments ago. It’s almost like he’s rubbing this move in Craven’s face.

A flustered Craven begins to ascend to his feet albeit still trapped in the sleeper. Both men reach their feet when Craven attempts the counter, grabbing Shaun’s wrist and beginning to turn towards him. He bends the arm over backwards into a top wrist lock then transitions into a hammerlock.

Max shows his chain wrestling abilities by yanking on the wrist of the hammerlocked arm and spinning Shaun around where he receives a kick to the gut. The ever so quick Craven takes Shaun by the wrist and fires him off into the ropes. Cruze ricochets off and charges right back into Max’s clutches, Craven catching him to the gut and throwing him into the air. This time instead of plummeting to the ring Shaun sticks out his legs, wraps them around Craven’s neck and surprises him with a hurricarana.

Mark: An acrobatic counter from Cruze. He must have learned this X-Class style offense from his training sessions with Nathan Creed.

May: He was actually trained by Nathan Creed? I hope he didn’t pay money for those sessions.

The crowd claps for Cruze, who is still dominating as he reaches his feet only to be caught off guard by a running head scissors by Craven. Shaun flips over, crashes across his back but quickly rolls to his feet. He gets up just in time to catch an inbound Craven with an arm drag. Max rolls across the canvas to his feet, turns and spots Shaun barreling in. Now Max catches the crease of Cruze’s elbow and delivers his own arm drag that sends the new Icon rolling across the ring.

Both men reach their feet and then leap simultaneously into the air, delivering stereo dropkicks that counteract one another. The two plummet to their seats and glare at one another, realizing that they have a stalemate.

Mark: A stalemate between Max and Shaun in this highly energetic, fast paced grudge bout.

May: These two are surprisingly like minded when it comes to their offensive styles and it’s causing them to keep cutting one another off at the pass.

The crowd gives both men a well deserved round of applause as they reach their feet. Craven even joins in on the clapping which profoundly confuses Cruze, prompting his eyebrow to twitch. Max then steps towards Shaun continuing to clap both hands before suddenly reaching out, grabbing him by the legs and ripping them right out from under his body.

Shaun collapses to his back and Max quickly grabs him by the ankle, twisting it violently and in the process applying a leg grapevine.

May: Again Craven catches Shaun completely unaware and immediately traps his leg in that hold. What a strategist Craven is.

Max pins Shaun’s ankle to his chest while wrenching it from side to side, he also keeps his legs firmly locked around Cruze’s knee, ensuring that he can’t stand to fight out of this hold.

The official checks on Shaun, who’s back is stretched across the canvas.

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2

Shaun sits up immediately, realizing that both his shoulders were down on the ring, which almost cost him dearly. He now begins to punch at the ankles of Max interlocked around his knee. This prompts Craven to break the hold but maintain a grasp on Shaun’s foot.

He now drags Shaun to the center of the ring where the leg is stretched out into the air so that he can deliver repeated kicks to the back of the knee. A grimacing Cruze is unable to protect his leg from these kicks nor the elbow drop delivered right into the side of it. Max continues to lean elbow first into the side of Shaun’s knee while interlocking his shins around Cruze’s ankle.

Mark: Another submission by Craven targeting Shaun’s leg.

May: Craven giving Shaun a FREE lesson here tonight.

The intense Cruze doesn’t stay down for long, refusing to be victimized by his cunning opponent. He sits up and reaches out with his arms, wrapping them around Craven’s neck. Although Max still has the submission locked in he now finds himself suffering from a modified rear chinlock from the Icon.

Comeau: Shaun desperately trying to counter out of this hold.

May: He knows that the longer this work continues on his legs the less….ha-ha…BRILLIANT.

Suddenly Craven sinks his teeth into the hands interlocked in front of his face, biting at Shaun’s thumb. Cruze roars in pain and the official demands that Max break the submission after this blatant cheating. Surprisingly Craven does as told, breaking the hold but again keeping a grasp on the ankle. He lifts Shaun’s leg into the air and sends him rolling over backwards to his elbows and knees.

Max takes him under the jaw, leading him to his feet before grabbing him by the wrist and launching him off across the ring. To Max’s dismay Shaun reverses though, instead launching him into the ropes. Max ricochets off and charges right into Shaun’s clutches, the Icon lifting him up into the air and driving him down to the canvas with a modified spine busteter.

Mark: Shaun with a vital counter and….wait another reversal!

Shaun lifts the legs of his opponent into the air as if about to step through them to apply a hold when Craven suddenly grabs him by the wrist and pulls him down into a small package.

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2

Shaun kicks out and quickly rushes to his feet only to be caught around the ankle, having his feet torn out from under him again. He collapses to his back while Max stands up, steps over the knee and then drops all his weight across it. The crowd grimaces as Max sits on the side of Shaun’s knee and now lifts up on the ankle, pulling it towards the laid out Icon and twisting it at a very awkward angle.

May: Ewww ouch, the leg is not meant to be twisted at such an angle.

Mark: I don’t think Craven is gonna be content until he breaks that leg and ends Shaun’s wrestling career before it can even begin.

A determined Cruze sits up and reaches out, wrapping his arms around Max’s neck and applying yet another rear chin-lock. Although Max desperately tries to fight it he’s pulled back into a rear naked choke from his opponent and dragged down to the canvas. The submission is broken much to the relief of Shaun and the crowd.

Craven finds himself seated on the canvas with Shaun now kneeling behind him, continuing to apply a sleeper hold before ultimately breaking it. He grabs Max around the jaw, rolling him to his feet and then slapping on a front chancery. Cruze attempts a vertical suplex but is unable to put any pressure on his knee, leaving him incapable of hitting the move.

This gives Shaun just the window of opportunity that he needed. He breaks the front chancery, steps back and delivers a swift kick right to Shaun’s injured knee, causing him to collapse to his back crying out in pain.

Mark: Craven just keeps going right back after that leg. This is severally depleting Shaun’s arsenal of moves.

The New Icon lies stretched over his back when his leg once again falls into Max’s clutches. Craven now performs a step over toe hold before dropping back and viciously torquing the knee and ankle. A griping Shaun covers his face with both palms, not wanting the Canadian crowd to see the immense pain that he is in.

May: If Shaun doesn’t get off his back soon he’s gonna have to tap out. I mean Max is beginning to threaten the longevity of his career the longer he targets that leg.

Mark: And this just got even worse for the newly anointed Icon.

Craven breaks the step over toe hold, grabs Shaun’s other leg and begins to wrap both limbs around one another. The crowd “woos” as Max falls to his back and applies the figure four leg lock.

Tim: A figure four?

Mark: Max busting out a wide range of submission holds to keep Shaun on his back, looking for that elusive tap out victory.

An angry Cruze punches the canvas, growing frustrated that he can’t seem to evade Max’s holds. He begins to twist from side to side at this point, hoping to get enough momentum to reverse the figure four. Finally Shaun rolls with enough force to send both he and his rival twisting over to their elbows and knees. Although the pressure has been reversed Max still refuses to break the hold.

He now employs his strength to roll Shaun over to his back once again, keeping him trapped in the figure four leg lock. However, Shaun is within reach of the ropes. Max learns this the moment the ref jumps in his face DEMANDING that he break the submission.

Mark: And Cruze gets to the ropes. He’s not gonna tap because he realizes just how important this match is, and just how important this night is as well. This is his first Paranoia, and he does not want it to end with a loss.

Eventually Max breaks the hold and rolls to the center of the ring, cursing under his breath. He seems to be growing frustrated with Shaun’s persistence. All the while Cruze drags himself to his feet with the aid of the ropes but is unable to put much weight on his damaged leg.

He hobbles around the ring still clutching the ropes when Max steps in behind him and delivers a swift kick to the back of his knee. Shaun’s legs almost buckle but he keeps hold of the top rope to maintain his balance. That’s when Max delivers another kick, this time right to his wrist, breaking his grasp on the ropes and sending him twisting to the canvas.

Shaun rolls to his elbows and knees as Craven descends upon him. He places Shaun in a front chancery, dragging him up to his feet then reaches out and hooks his leg before snapping back into the fisherman suplex.

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2

Once again Shaun kicks out, dropping to his side and reaching for his knee. He just sits up when Max grabs his arms, hooking his legs around his shoulder and then rolling him over into a crucifix style pin.

1

Shaun powers out of the cover for a second time.

May: It looks like Craven is growing increasingly desperate to pick up the win.

Comeau: He’s going for every pinning predicament he can think of.

A flustered Max stands up, grabs Shaun’s head, forces it between his legs and then lifts him up into a thunderous powerbomb. Shaun’s shoulders and head slams into the canvas and Craven flips forward into the jackknife cover.

Mark: Another pin.

The ref gets in position.

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Shaun kicks out to a rip-roaring reaction from the crowd.

Comeau: Another kick out from Cruze, who still persists.

May: He’s harder to kill that a cockroach.

A growingly frustrated Max leads Shaun up to his feet and delivers a swift forearm shiver that jacks his jaw. Cruze stumbles back but then surprises Max by stepping right back in and unloading with his own forearm. The shot nails Craven to the face with enough force to almost send him toppling to the canvas. Somehow he plants his feet and then steps in to deliver another shot only to be cracked under the jaw with a European Uppercut from Cruze.

Max is knocked to the canvas and sent rolling across it to his feet. He just stands up when Shaun leaps into the air and dropkicks him right to the jaw. The collision sends Max spilling sideways through the ropes and collapsing across the outside mats.

Mark: This is not what Max wants, Shaun is building some momentum, he’s getting himself back in this bout.

Tim: Craven has got to find some way to slow that momentum or cut it off before its too late.

Max stands up with his back propped against the apron, a poor choice of location. Although hobbling Cruze takes off running across the ring and falls into a baseball slide dropkick right between Max’s shoulder blades. The kick launches Craven over the mats back first into the steel barricade. He crashes into it and somehow remains upright, utilizing the very barrier that just caused him so much pain to remain upright.

All the while Shaun is standing up on the apron and grabbing the top rope. He now leaps to the highest point of the cables and to the delight of all the fans springs off into a twisting crossbody.

May: OHHHHH!

Mark: BREATHTAKING!

Shaun crashes right into Max and the two fall side-first into the barricade, bashing off of it.

Comeau: Shaun showing what makes him such a threat. Not only can this man brawl and mat wrestle but he can also go airborne at any second.

May: I don’t think Craven was expecting that at all.

The crowd is on its feet clapping and screaming over Shaun’s suicidal leap that leaves both himself and Craven stretched over the mats, neither man moving. Although suffering extreme fatigue and weighed down by the injury to his leg, Shaun reaches his feet, grabs Max around the head and forces him to an upright base. Craven is eventually deposited into the ring where he rolls to his back, lying helpless.

Shaun follows him in, still limping on his bad leg as he grabs Craven around the neck, rolls him to his feet and hooks both arms. Before Max is able to reverse he’s thrown into the air, flipped over and driven into the canvas with tiger bomb.

Shaun leans forward into the creases of Max’s knees, hoping that he’s done enough damage to pick up the pinfall.

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Craven’s shoulder launches from the canvas.

May: Shaun ALMOST had his very first Paranoia victory.

Mark: A win here tonight against Craven would certainly sky rocket him to super stardom, and that’s exactly what he’s counting on.

A “Cruze” chant has started from the crowd which grows more and more excited with every passing moment of this match. Shaun stumbles to his feet and unleashes a roar that gets the crowd more hyped than ever. He now approaches Craven, takes him around the neck, leads him up to his feet and hooks both arms again. Shaun doesn’t waste any time in throwing Max up into the air for a second tiger bomb only to have Craven counter into a hurricarana with the pin. The crowd leaps from their seats as Max shocks Cruze and could be on the verge of picking up a victory.

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2

Shaun kicks out leading to a loud “oooooh” from the audience.

Comeau: Another near victory from Shaun as this match just continues to go back and forth.

The Icon staggers to his feet as Craven steps in and kicks him to the gut. He takes him by the wrist and whips him off across the ring only to have Shaun counter, turning and pulling Max into a knee to the gut. Craven flips over, grabbing at his ribs and grimacing in pain.

Shaun pulls him down to his back by his shoulder then falls across his chest and hooks the leg.

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Craven with another kick out.

Mark: Well Shaun was mere seconds from getting the ultimate retribution but Craven kicks out yet again.

Cruze limps to his feet and then grabs Craven by the wrist, dragging him up then whipping him across the ring. As Max ricochets from the cables Shaun rushes in to deliver another knee to his ribs. This time Max leaps over the inbound knee, catches Cruze by the back of the trunks and pulls him down into the school boy.

1

Shaun rolls over backwards out of the pin, reaches out grabbing Max by the back of the head and pulls him into the Lights Out.

Comeau: Could it be? Could Shaun be going for the triangle choke?

May: He’s got to get it applied, otherwise I think his leg won’t hold out much longer.

The building is rumbling with excitement as they watch Cruze struggle to apply a hold rich in family tradition. He’s almost got it locked in when Craven suddenly punches him in his injured knee, causing his grip to weaken. This opens the door for Craven and he bursts through it. He grabs both of Shaun’s legs, locking them around one another then rolling him to his stomach where he applies the Texas Cloverleaf.

Mark: Craven counters into the cloverleaf!

May: Amazingly well done. But the Cruze’s have a history of defying odds and overcoming these types of obstacles. Can Shaun keep up that rich family legacy?

Shaun’s eyes are bulging from their sockets and his jaw has dropped from the pain rushing throughout his body. He twists from one shoulder onto the other, trying to find some means of escape. He lifts his palm into the air, fingers twiddling above the canvas. The crowd is pleading with Shaun not to submit, begging him to give them that one Paranoia moment that they crave.

His palms ball up into fists and his face becomes full of conviction. He buries his knuckles to the canvas, pushing himself up from the ring and beginning to crawl towards the ropes inch by agonizing inch.

Comeau: Shaun going for the ropes, he needs to win this match, he NEEDS to win at Paranoia.

May: He’s almost there.

The entirety of the Canadian crowd is on its feet, watching spellbound as Shaun reaches out for the ropes, his fingers falling just short. He lunges again only to find the ropes getting further away from him. Max pulls him back to the center of the ring and now transitions out of the Texas Cloverleaf into an inverted Indian Death Lock. He puts his foot on Shaun’s shins to hold them in place and inflict unspeakable torment on the legs.

A loud roar commences from Shaun as he lifts his palm into the air and begins to slap the canvas.

May: It’s over, it’s over! Shaun Cruze left with no other recourse but to tap out.

Mark: Nooo. What a valiant effort from Cruze, what a fight he put up!

The crowd wails and cheers at the same time over this exciting conclusion to what was a grueling back and forth encounter. Craven breaks the hold and falls to his back, looking absolutely exhausted after this taxing performance. All the while Shaun rolls to his back, gripping both knees in his hands.

Comeau: The rookie gave a heroic performance in this match but in the end it was just not enough to overcome Craven’s veteran skills.

May: He put up a hell of a fight…..a hell of a fight.

The crowd continues to applaud for Cruze in spite of coming up short here tonight. The victor, Max Craven climbs to his feet with the aid of the ropes and then falls back first into the turnbuckle. He looks fatigued yet still capable of forming a grin across his face. His fist slowly rises into the air, mocking the Cruze family trademark taunt.

Tim: Max Craven earns a HUGE victory here at Paranoia over Shaun Cruze, but I don’t think this issue between them is fully resolved.

Mark: We’ve just witnessed yet another great match on what has already been a loaded night of action. We’ve still got a lot more Paranoia ahead of us.

Craven slips through the ropes and drops to the outside of the ring where he continues to lift a fist symbolically above his head. Cruze sits up in the center of the ring, grimacing from the pain his legs and mouthing obscenities under his breath.

A CHRONOLOGY OF CHAOS

The camera slowly glides over a Singapore cane as a rather ominous voice can be heard in the background.

Riggs: Too Magnificent….over the course of our long, brutal campaign we’ve employed a wide variety of weapons to best one another. Such as this item here, the Singapore cane….

A clip is superimposed over the screen featuring Riggs attacking Too Magnificent from behind with the cane, knocking him down through a door.

Riggs: Who will ever forget the night that your rage led to your undoing. When you allowed yourself to be caught, oh so easily, in Generation Now’s trap.

A bloodied Too Magnificent lies on the floor of the Gen Now dressing room where Psycho and Riggs continue to assault him. The feed returns live, now passing over a bottle of tequila positioned on top of a steel chair.

Riggs: What’s that? You don’t like being reminded how your ANGER led to your self destruction? Okay then, let’s talk about your delusions of grandeur then. It was your egotism that cost you, and cost you dearly at 2 For 1 Special during the Underground Invitational. Do you remember that night, Too Magnificent, when you allowed your arrogance to cloud your judgment and yet again took the baited hook?

Another clip, this one showcasing Riggs spitting a fireball into Too Magnificent’s eyes consumes the screen. The camera zooms in on Too Magnificent thrashing around on the canvas, palming his singed eyes. We are brought back live yet again this time via a close up on a dumpster.

Riggs: At 2 For 1 Special you thought you could manhandle and humiliate me without breaking so much as a sweat. You grew over confident. Someone had to bring you back down to earth, and that was me. But 2 For 1 Special, that pales in comparison to the night where your naivety spelled your doom.

Another violent clip ensues, showcasing Riggs and Psycho taking Too Magnificent by the hair and charging him towards a dumpster that is lit ablaze. They throw him inside, right into the flames.

Riggs: It was your baptism by fire, Too Magnificent. I woke up the slumbering monster within you the moment your flesh was burned by the flame. That incident also made you a little wiser. Until that night you had grown comfortable in the knowledge that nobody could challenge you in terms of sheer violence. I proved you wrong, I showed you just how naïve you were.

Riggs now stares stoically into the camera, seated on a chair amongst all the weapons that have punished Too Magnificent over the course of this long, brutal rivalry. Suzie Clover stands behind the N.H.B Champion, holding his belt over her shoulder and putting a palm on his back.

Riggs: But now your looking at the most destructive weapons, the two items that have caused you pain and suffrage that goes far beyond a shot from a cane or a burn from a flame. Suzie and I are the very weapons that beat and brutalized you until you were forced to conjure your repressed inner darkness. We brought forth your inner monster, and now, right here at Paranoia VII, we will be the ones who put that monster down.

Suzie crouches down behind Riggs, both hands on his shoulders now.

Riggs: You may think that we’ve been through it all, Too Magnificent, that we can’t top the depraved acts we’ve committed against one another. But your wrong, again. And this time your mistake is going to cost you more than a few bumps and bruises, more than just the N.H.B Championship, it’s gonna cost you…..everything.

The camera slowly zooms in on the plotting eyes of the Painted Warrior.

MATCH ADVERT

Paranoia transitions from Riggs’ unorthodox speech to a close up of a sneering Psycho’s face. It then cuts to AWOL’s brooding glare before settling on a determined Cagero. All three men are shown standing side by side with Simon symbolically in the middle.

Comeau: An odd speech from Riggs hyping what may be one of the bloodiest, most gruesome matches in the annals of Paranoia lore, but speaking of gruesome…

May: Did we really need that close up of Psycho’s face?

Mark: Your gonna be seeing plenty of him, but that’s not what I meant by gruesome. This three way elimination match promises to be barbaric, it promises to be the definition of brutality. This storied rivalry of mentorship, betrayal, and twisted alliances all began several months ago.

BAD COMPANY

Psycho: There’s a very simple explanation for why we’ve been helping AWOL.

As the Sadistic One’s voice can be heard in the background images of Psycho and Riggs storming towards the ring filter across the screen.

Psycho: Why we’ve assisted him left and right.

A compilation of images bombard the screen featuring Psycho distracting a referee during an epic clash between AWOL and Johnny Kingdom. With the ref’s focus upon him, he doesn’t see Riggs slipping into the ring behind his back and caving in Kingdom’s skull with a Singapore cane. He then drapes AWOL across Johnny’s chest.

Psycho: It’s no mere coincidence….

Now viewers witness Riggs and Psycho shoulder to shoulder, forming a barrier between Porno Lad and the ring so that AWOL can win the IWC Tag Team Titles.

Psycho: Our former mentor is going to join our ranks, he’s coming home to be the monster that he should be.

The images get more grainy and shocking when an explosion is featured on screen, followed by a twisted, distorted image of AWOL moving down the ramp. The Big Crazy Bastard now comes face to face with his former pupil in the center of the ring.

AWOL: You think I’m going to join with the two of you? Your sadly, SADLY mistaken.

The camera zooms in on the intensity in Psycho’s gaze. He watches furiously as AWOL leaves the ring. The video is now on fast-forward, showing all the clips of Psycho assisting AWOL in hyper-speed before slowing to a snails speed as the big man comes barreling down the ramp with Riggs at his side. Inside of the ring Jackson Adams is seen nailing AWOL between the eyes with the Tag Team Title belt just as Riggs and Psycho send him scurrying from the ring.

Mayne: Psycho and Riggs out here to yet again lend AWOL a hand…..WAIT!

The image of Psycho’s hands slapping down on AWOL’s throat are captured from a variety of angles before he lifts the Big Crazy Bastard into the air and in slow motion plants him to the ring with the Redeemer. It isn’t until Simon Cagero and Too Magnificent slide into the ring that Psycho, Riggs and Adams are chased off.

Billy: Psycho has just betrayed his former mentor.

As the camera zooms in slowly on Psycho’s eyes, it cuts to images of AWOL lying motionless across the ring then to historical shots of the Sadistic One and the Big Crazy Bastard marching shoulder to shoulder down the ramp. They are even seen teeing off in tandem on Desolation.

Psycho: That monster is going to come out you one way or another.

A steel pipe cracks into the back of AWOL’s head, sending him toppling into the trunk of a car. Psycho hops behind the wheel of the vehicle with the rest of his Generation Now cohorts following suit. The vehicle goes speeding out of the building with AWOL still trapped in the trunk.

The music hits a high note when images are shown of AWOL hitting Max Craven with a face wash over and over again.

AWOL: I want ALL of Generation Now, get out here and face me!

Simon Cagero, Too Magnificent, Daniel Ackart and Johnny Kingdom are shown entering the ring, surrounding AWOL.

Simon: If your gonna fight a war we’ve got your back.

AWOL: Your only in my way.

The dejected expressions on the faces of Cagero and Too Magnificent are captured as AWOL walks away.

Cagero: Ever since your kidnapping you’ve been different AWOL. You need to be reminded what being part of a team is all about.

Simon is shown grabbing AWOL’s shoulder on the ramp only for the Big Crazy Bastard to spin around and slug him right between the eyes. The camera cuts from the shocked Simon holding his eyeball to the back of AWOL as he walks away.

Simon: I’m through trying to reason with you.

A handcuffed Cagero is thrown by Psycho into AWOL, causing him to get between the two within the confines of Hell in a Cell. AWOL catches Cagero and holds up his partner only to shatter a chair right over his skull, leaving him lying. The images get more chaotic as Psycho and AWOL brawl up the ramp to the backstage area.

Cagero: There’s no getting through.

Mayne: Cagero attacking AWOL, he’s getting some payback.

A company
Always on the run
A destiny
Its the rising sun
I was born
A shotgun in my hands
Behind the gun
I'll make my final stand

In slow motion Cagero is seen slamming a chair over AWOL’s head over and over again. With each shot of the chair a different clip is provided of Simon and the Big Crazy Bastard standing united in the center of the ring and fighting side by side. Finally the video settles on AWOL teetering upon the edge of the stage with Cagero staring down at the chair in his hand then into the face of his former accomplice, contemplating his options.

And that's why they call me
Bad Company
I can't deny
Bad Bad Company till the day I die
Until the day I die
Until the day I die

Suddenly Cagero lunges forward and superkicks AWOL right under the jaw, sending him flying from the stage through a stack of tables down below. AWOL’s plunge through the wood is captured from a variety of angles. The video then switches to Psycho hitting the Big Crazy Bastard with the Redeemer and performing the same move on Cagero at Extinction.

Rebel souls
Deserters we've been called
Chose a gun
And threw away the sun
Now these towns they all know our names
The death punch sound is our claim to fame

A handcuffed Psycho watches helplessly as Simon leaps from the top of a ladder in slow motion then plunges through his partner Riggs on a table at ringside. In slow motion Psycho and Riggs are seen jumping Cagero, putting the boots to the incapacitated former World Champion. The Sadistic One’s hands are featured strangling the life out of Simon’s body as he lifts him slowly, dramatically into the air.

And that's why they call me
Bad Company
I can't deny
Bad Bad Company till the day I die
Until the day I die
Until the day I die
Until the day i die

Psycho slams Cagero forcefully to the canvas via the Redeemer. The following clips showcase AWOL swinging a chair repeatedly into the skull of the Sadistic One, doing great damage to his skull and the brain contained within. Cagero is then featured hitting Psycho with the Break the Silence, driving him face first into the canvas. This clip is short lived, quickly replaced with one featuring AWOL accidentally delivering the lariat on Cagero thanks to Craven being pulled out of the way. AWOL merely smirks at the sight of Simon lying near unconscious on the canvas.

Eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
Blood for blood
We've all gotta die
We've all gotta die

AWOL slams a chair over Simon’s skull while he is handcuffed before cutting to Cagero wearing the Big Crazy Bastard out with repeated shots from a steel chair as well. Psycho consumes the screen betraying AWOL via the Redeemer before the next clip showcases the former Empire member delivering a big boot to the jaw of his past pupil.

And that's why they call me
Bad Company
I won't deny
Bad Bad Company till the day I die

Bad company
I won't deny
Bad Bad company till the day i die
Until the day i die
Until the day i die
Until the day i die
Until the day i die

The chaotic images are interspersed through shots of Psycho and AWOL lifting their fists simultaneously into the air and Cagero standing alongside the Big Crazy Bastard as they attack the Five Star Society. AWOL is seen throwing down the Tag Team Title belt on the ramp before cutting to Psycho drilling Cagero in the back with a Singapore cane. Simon is then featured hitting the superkick on AWOL, knocking him from the stage through a stack of tables. The package finally settles on AWOL’s swinging around and punching Cagero in the eye before his chilling comments can be heard.

AWOL: Your just in my way.

A massive explosion of mushroom shaped pyros tear through the grating on the stage and forces many fans to literally leap out of their seats. They converge around the barricades, on their feet and putting their hands together as the Big Crazy Bastard emerges from the backstage area.

Mark: I hope your ready for it Tim. AWOL coming to the ring for what is going to be nothing short of a war when he collides with his former protégé Psycho and the man standing in his way, Simon Cagero.

May: I’m never ready when it comes to AWOL, you never know what this guy is gonna do. For Christ sakes, he once skinned Conrad Gray, SKINNED him. And let’s not forget some of the things he’s done here at Paranoia.

Comeau: I wonder if he’ll give us anymore unforgettable Paranoia moments here tonight, much like the time that he chokeslammed Andre Bates through a three tier cage, or when he ALMOST ended the career of Johnny Kingdom.

AWOL descends upon the ring, face flushed red with emotion. He looks far more brooding and intense than usual, realizing that tonight he finally gets his hands on Generation Now and in the process will remove the obstacle that is Simon Cagero once and for all. He steps up the stairs to the apron then lifts a fist into the air as mushroom cloud explosions shoot from the corners of the rafters above. As they erupt a giant banner tumbles open, hanging from high above the ring and featuring the message “Do Or Die.”

May: You know, I have quite the fabled history with AWOL. Let’s just say the two of us never really saw eye to eye, but for once I’m in total agreement with him, Simon Cagero has been nothing more than a distraction. He might mean well but he just keeps getting in the way.

Mark: Simon has repeatedly tried to both reason with and aid AWOL, but the Big Crazy Bastard is as pig headed as you, Tim. He just won’t listen to reason. He’s convinced that he can take Generation Now out by himself. He’ll have the chance to prove that tonight, because he’ll be all on his own should it come down to him versus Psycho.

AWOL finally enters the ring and now appears relatively reserved as he storms into a corner. That’s when the crowd erupts into a wave of pure elation as Simon Cagero’s screeching voice marks his imminent arrival.

Simon: CAAAAAANAAADDAAA!

As Simon’s entrance theme plays through the speakers Cagero makes his move to the stage, microphone in hand and a look of excitement on his features. AWOL sneers at the sight of his now former ally.

Cagero: This is Paranoia VII! So let me hear you SCREAM motherfuckers!!

The whole building comes unglued, every fan screaming on cue.

Mark: And here comes a man who has been punished simply because he’s loyal. Simon Cagero has tried and tried again to help AWOL wage this war against Generation Now, but all it’s given him is grief.

May: Yeah, he’s taken it from both ends. Psycho and Generation Now have been beating him down for months, and then the guy he thought he could trust, gets driven mad and his own partner starts creaming him. Cagero can’t win, and I highly doubt he’ll change that pattern tonight.

Comeau: He’s got an uphill battle against two of the most vicious, monstrous....HEY!

Suddenly Cagero is cracked over the back with a double handed sledge from Psycho.

Mark: Psycho ATTACKING Cagero before he could even reach the ring.

May: Good strategy.

Comeau: How can you condone this? Psycho ambushed Cagero on the entry way.

May: If your not cheating, your not trying.

Psycho immediately puts the boots to a shocked Cagero, who got the air knocked out of him. Simon tries to roll to his back and get his arms up to defend himself only to be grabbed by the wrists. His upper half is pulled up so that Psycho can wedge his foot to his chest and nail him with the reverse curb stomp. The back of Cagero’s head hits the steel ramp with disgusting force, sending shockwaves reverberating throughout his body.

Tim: Ohhh shit!

Comeau: A reverse curb stomp on the stage…..that may have given Cagero brain damage.

With Cagero quivering on the steel, gripping his head in his palms there is now nothing standing between mentor and student. Psycho realizes this, looking up with eyes squaring on AWOL, who is surprisingly clapping his hands in approval.

May: Look, AWOL is enjoying this.

Mark: Of course he would. This is what AWOL has wanted for months, nothing to get in the way of his revenge against Generation Now.

AWOL stops clapping so that he can extend his arm and gesture for Psycho to bring it. A smile extends across Psycho’s face before rapidly fading as he bolts towards the ring.

Comeau: Here he comes!

Into the ring the Sadistic One slides before leaping to his feet and throwing a right hand at AWOL’s face. The Big Crazy Bastard ducks the blow, and steps behind Psycho, crouched in anticipation. Psycho spins around and walks right into a goozle, AWOL catching him across the throat then taking him by the back of the pants. Before Psycho can stop it he’s thrown up into the air then driven into the canvas with a chokeslam.

May: Canada treated to a chokeslam!

Mark: I would say Psycho may be on the verge of elimination, but I doubt AWOL is gonna let him off with just a chokeslam. Not after everything the Big Crazy Bastard has done to get his hands on his former student.

Just as Mark speculated, AWOL is NOT going for the pin, instead he drops to Psycho side and applies a modified headlock. He now begins reigning down with right hand after right hand to Psycho’s face. He then pulls him in close and sinks his teeth into the bridge of his nose. The official steps in, starting a five count, threatening to disqualify AWOL for his behavior.

The Big Crazy Bastard takes a swipe at the official, who leaps back and continues to lob empty threats to try and calm the unstable behemoth. AWOL stands up and grabs Psycho by the ears, leading him up to his feet. Once upright Psycho is grabbed by the wrist and whipped emphatically into one of the turnbuckles. He turns, crashing into the corner with kidney bursting force.

AWOL then turns in a circle and builds some serious momentum as he charges in, leaps forward and drives his boot into nothing but thin air. Psycho clears out of the way at the last second, causing AWOL’s foot to travel over the ropes and for him to hyperextend his groin muscles.

Tim: I think I heard something tear and for once it wasn’t the seam of my pants.

Mark: AWOL may have popped his hip out of place there and Psycho is looking to take immediate advantage.

The Sadistic One swoops in behind AWOL, bends down and buries his shoulders to the kidneys of his former mentor, then lifts him up in a torture rack position. The crowd is amazed by Psycho’s strength and even more surprised by the denouement of his set up, a torture rack back breaker.

Mark: Ohhhhhh BRUTAL!

May: Nothing being held back by either of these two…..and lookie here, Psycho showing some real disrespect.

With a smarmy grin on his face Psycho casually leans back and hooks AWOL’s leg, acting as if he poses no challenge whatsoever.

1

2

AWOL kicks out, immediately making Psycho regret his lackadaisical pin attempt. This prompts the Sadistic One to throw aside inhibitions, spiraling out of control, evident as he leaps to his knees and begins to deliver closed fist after closed fist down into AWOL’s face.

The brutality doesn’t end until Psycho spots Cagero climbing up to the apron.

May: What is Simon doing? Is he actually trying to compete in this match? Shouldn’t he be, I don’t know, DEAD right now?

Mark: Cagero is the type of individual who defies expectations again and again, Tim. He’s doing so again right here at the grand spectacle, Paranoia VII.

Simon is half way through the ropes, injured head and all when Psycho comes rushing in from the side and cracks him in the temple with a running knee strike. The sickening thud knocks Simon to his back, stretched over the apron at this point and not moving an inch.

With Simon down and out of the way Psycho once again turns his focus to AWOL, who is stretched prone over the canvas. The Sadistic One gets a running start before leaping into the air, stretching out his back and dropping with a senton splash right across AWOL’s raised knees.

May: Psycho took his eyes off of AWOL for one moment and it cost him big.

Shockwaves of pain tear through Psycho’s body as he goes rolling across the ring, ending up stretched across his back. AWOL rises to his feet, pushing past the trauma inflicted on his kidneys in order to get a running start, go airborne and then crash with his own back first senton splash right across Psycho’s ribs.

Mark: The mentor giving his student one more lesson. But will he give him the ultimate lesson in humility and respect here tonight?

Psycho convulses and grabs at his mid-section as he rolls across the ring, unintentionally finding himself seated against the turnbuckle. The moment that AWOL realizes this he steps back, mouth agape.

Comeau: Uh-oh, Psycho in a very bad position right here. Are we gonna see the face wash at Paranoia VII?

May: Couldn’t do anymore damage to Psycho’s face so why not?

AWOL’s eyes are brazen, shining bright with intensity as he skips with formalities and goes straight for the big running boot. He charges in and this time he doesn’t miss, his boot cracks Psycho right across the temple.

Mark: OHHHH wow, that might have been the sickest face wash I’ve ever seen.

The boot nails him with such resounding force that it actually causes him to go cross eyed. A single sliver of saliva hangs from the corner of his mouth, showing just how much damage was done to his brain via that kick. What Psycho doesn’t know is that AWOL is just getting warmed up. He turns, lifts his boot and swipes the flesh away from his heel with a back handing motion before rushing across the ring.

May: He’s going for another one.

Mark: And it may do even more damage than the last.

AWOL begins to build some serious momentum behind the next face wash when Cagero unexpectedly leaps into the ring and gets right in the way. He delivers a forearm to AWOL’s jaw, knocking him back several steps and then follows it up with a knife edge chop across his chest.

Comeau: Cagero is actually in there and he’s putting up quite a fight surprisingly.

May: Well, you did say something about him defying expectations.

Mark: I’m surprised you actually remembered.

May: I tend to remember incredibly cheesy lines of dialogue, unfortunately. And besides, he is living up expectations, because I expected him to get in AWOL’s way again.

Simon throws another forearm but this one is blocked via AWOL getting his own forearms up and using them to form a shield in front of his face. He then hauls off and delivers a straight open hand palm strike across Simon’s face. The slap connects with such unbelievable force that it almost sends Cagero’s head snapping around into a full 360.

Mark: WOW what a slap!

May: He HAS to have brain damage now. Not that he didn’t before.

Simon looks absolutely brain dead thanks to the cheek bone shattering slap. He’s so disorientated that he actually turns his back on AWOL, who quickly takes advantage. The Big Crazy Bastard reaches out, wraps his arms around Cagero’s neck, applying a rear naked choke then drops back. The crowd gasps as Simon flips over backwards and crashes right on top of his head with a release rear naked choke suplex.

May: What the hell was that!?!

Mark: MY GOD! A rear naked choke suplex by AWOL dumping Cagero straight on top of his head.

Tim: By the end of this match Simon’s gonna have more problems with his head than a combination of Michael C. Hall and Orlando Cruze.

Comeau: Okay, that was really in poor taste.

The fans are absolutely shaken by what the deadly drop Cagero just took, a fall that looked truly career threatening. AWOL shows no remorse nor mercy for his former running buddy. He ruthlessly grabs Cagero’s jaw, pulls him up from the canvas then wedges a shoulder to his kidneys. Cagero is lifted into the air as AWOL backs across the ring, getting a running start before delivering a back drop suplex right into the turnbuckle. The back of Cagero’s head, neck and shoulders nail the second and top turnbuckle pads before he begins quivering across the canvas.

May: That did it, that broke his damn neck.

Mark: To think that these two at one point in time were actually thick as thieves.

May: Yeah, I don’t think they were ever that close. AWOL hasn’t allowed himself to get close to anyone since his Holy War days.

A loud groan can be heard from all those Canadians jammed into the Windsor Armory. They now shake their heads at the sight of Simon lying limp against the turnbuckle, arms hanging to his sides and jaw slacked. AWOL steps away from his shattered opponent and moves into the opposite turnbuckle where he kicks the bottom pad. He then turns around and roars as he gets a running start across the ring and extends his foot, driving it across Simon’s temple.

May: And he tops it off with the face wash.

Mark: I don’t think I’ve ever seen AWOL this barbaric. I know at the top of the show Psycho said that Paranoia inspires him to be a true monster, and it seems to have the same effect on AWOL.

The Big Crazy Bastard is not through dishing out the face washes. He turns towards Psycho who is still seated against one of the turnbuckles, almost positioned too perfectly. AWOL nudges Cagero’s motionlessly body through the ropes, sending him crashing to the mats before turning his sights on his pupil.

He now gets a big running start and begins to extend his foot when Psycho shocks him by leaping to an upright base, catching him around the neck and then delivering a downward spiral that drags AWOL down face first into the second turnbuckle pad.

Mark: Very nice counter by Psycho, sparing himself from yet another Face Wash.

May: Psycho showing AWOL that the mentor perhaps taught too much to the student.

AWOL rolls backwards across the ring, grabbing at his features as he ends up on his back. A rattled Sadistic One ascends to his feet with the aid of the turnbuckle and then begins to rush forward. Oddly enough he stops himself, grabbing the ropes to cut off his momentum. The reason for Psycho’s sudden change of heart becomes evident when he backs into the turnbuckle and begins to climb in reverse to the middle rope.

Comeau: What the hell is he…..?

May: This isn’t gonna be pretty.

The Big Crazy Bastard has no idea what he’s in store for, not even realizing that he’s in mortal jeopardy until the lights are blotted out. He looks up to spot the hefty frame of Psycho soaring through the air, having leaped from the middle rope in order to deliver a devastating back first senton splash that almost crushes his ribs on impact.

Tim: Yooooowww, what you can do I can do better.

Mark: That’s definitely the message Psycho just sent AWOL with that breathtaking dive.

Psycho doesn’t make the same mistake twice, this time when he covers AWOL he makes sure to hook both legs and throw all his girth across his sternum.

1

2

AWOL deprives his student the thrill of finally picking up a pinfall victory over him. As a result Psycho is left more blood thirsty than ever. He rolls across the ring then straight under the ropes, lifting the tarp hanging from the apron.

Comeau: What the hell is Psycho doing? This may be a three way dance but there are rules and regulations, this isn’t a street fight.

From under the ring Psycho withdrawals a 2x4 wrapped in razor wire, resulting in a loud pop from the crowd.

May: It looks like Psycho is pretty insistent about turning this match into a bloodbath. He almost made it sound like the fans COUNTED on him to do so here tonight at Paranoia.

Mark: Psycho is absolutely delusional when it comes to inflicting pain on AWOL. He may just get himself disqualified so he can hear his former mentor scream.

Referee Princeton has his hands full trying to control this match, especially as Psycho tries to bring the 2x4 into the ring. He is already on the apron and on the verge of slipping through the ropes, intent on introducing razor wire into what has already been a chaotic three way dance. The official forms a human barrier between he and his goals, keeping Psycho from adding the weapon into this war.

May: Ahhh ref, come on, don’t stipend Psycho’s creativity.

If there’s one thing the referee is successful at, it’s distracting Psycho long enough for AWOL to recover. Not only does he recover but he leaves his feet, delivering a dropkick to Psycho’s shin through the ropes. The kick knocks his legs out from him and sends Psycho plummeting down not only into the apron but into the razor wire 2x4 as well. The board gets caught between himself and the ring, causing his face to be mangled by the sharpened razors.

May: Yeeah-hah-hah, Psycho’s face caught the 2x4! Blood, BLOOOOOD!!

Mark: Psycho paying a heavy price for trying to bring that weapon into the ring.

The Sadistic One staggers back with his face sliced open, a laceration forming across his hairline and pumping warm blood down his skin. Psycho swipes his palms across the blood, glaring at it as if he were in a trance.

Comeau: That’s right Psycho, reap the repercussions of your actions….

May: AAAAAHHH!

Mark is cut off in mid-sentence thanks to a move that can simply be described as breathtaking. AWOL rushes into the far ropes, ricochets off and builds as much momentum as possible before throwing all his weight over the top rope, and crashing into an unsuspecting Psycho with a twisting pancha. His back hits Psycho’s shoulder and both men go spilling across the mats.

Mark: Talk about SPECTACULAR!

May: That’s one way of describing it.

Mark: We don’t see AWOL go airborne very often and for him to do so here tonight just goes to show how important this match is to him and how important Paranoia is as well.

The entirety of the Canadian crowd jammed into the building give a rousing reaction for the high risk move delivered by a careless AWOL. The Big Crazy Bastard rests on his knees just off to Psycho’s side, glancing over his shoulder at his fallen student. He is just getting back to his feet when he’s blindsided by Simon Cagero. Simon jumps off the apron behind him and drives a double axehandle straight into AWOL’s upper back.

The Big Crazy Bastard groans and staggers forward, arching his spine in pain. He then turns around only to be subjected to right hand after right hand to the face from his former accomplice. Cagero relishes each blow that connects with AWOL’s temple, making him pay for the chair shot that the monster subjected him to several weeks ago.

Finally AWOL wedges his hands to Simon’s gut and shoves him off, sending Cagero rushing backwards into the apron. Just as Cagero’s back threatens to hit the ring he leaps into the air and lands on his feet across the apron. He just as quickly takes flight, leaping towards AWOL, landing on his shoulders then snapping back into a hurricarana.

Cagero twists his body at the precise angle to send AWOL flying forward with the speed of a projectile missile, going head first into the steel steps.

Mark: Cagero getting some retribution for the treatment he’s endured not only in this match but over the past several months.

May: Now AWOL might be bleeding, which would be nice, considering our past.

The bump on the head leaves AWOL dazed and utterly incoherent as he rolls to his back. His hands reach for imaginary objects as he trembles from the head trauma. With both opponents down Simon uses this time wisely and much like Psycho he completely ignores the rules.

He throws the ring tarp into the air, reaches under it and grabs hold of a table.

Comeau: As if this wasn’t chaotic enough.

May: And I thought the 2x4 covered in barbwire was bad. Now Simon’s bringing out a friggin table!

Mark: This should just show you the lengths these three will go through in order to hurt each other.

The crowd cheers him on as Simon sets the table up precariously at ringside then selects his target, who just so happens to be the first man on his feet, Psycho. The Sadistic One stands up still bleeding from the open gash in his forehead, a laceration that is further opened by the leaping back kick that connects to his scalp. The blow sends Psycho plummeting side ways into the table and falling across its surface.

Mark: Cagero has got Psycho on the table. We could be on the verge of seeing our first elimination.

May: Looks like Psycho and AWOL will never get their one on one match against each other. What a pity.

A Cagero chant has started from the crowd, rallying behind him as he slips through the ropes into the ring and begins to climb up the nearest turnbuckle. Excitement builds, the fans realizing that Cagero is mere seconds from diving through the air and taking Psycho out with a deadly plunge through the table.

He begins to steady himself and looks up at his target only to see a hand flying through the air, one that connects with his throat.

Mark: AWOL has got hold of Cagero! He’s got him by the throat!

May: This should be juicy.

Comeau: NOOOO!

AWOL pulls back and then shoves Cagero by the throat off the top rope. Simon catches some significant height, twists and eventually plummets chest first into the barricade.

May: Oh jinkies, I think his chest may be shattered!

Mark: Cagero launched off the top rope and sent crashing right into the barricade. Like you said, Tim, I think his sternum may be cracked after that.

The severity of Cagero’s injures are unknown because he is completely unresponsive, he just lies motionless at ringside, his whole body limp after that disturbing crash. AWOL may be breathing heavy but he still has a whole lot of fight left in him. He looks over his shoulder, penetrating eyes focused sharply on the bloodied Psycho strewn across the table.

May: Uh-oh.

Mark: AWOL about to take advantage of the position Cagero left Psycho in.

AWOL slides through the ropes into the ring, which at first disappoints the fans until they realize what he is setting up. After taking one last long look at the prone state of his former pupil, AWOL gets a running start by ricocheting off the ropes. He builds steam as he rushes at the ropes and then leaps right over them into an awesome splash! The fans are amazed by the aerial grace of AWOL but find themselves equally as shocked by the bad landing. AWOL crashes right through the table, taking himself out as Psycho rolls from his path at the last possible second.

Mark: Awesome splash through the table! AWOL missed Psycho completely.

May: That was perfect timing on Psycho’s part.

HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT!

AWOL lies amongst the shattered fragments of table, not budging an inch at this point. All the while Psycho leans against the apron, taking deep breathes and trying to recover from all the blood loss. The damage inflicted on his head leaves him so disorientated that he doesn’t even take advantage of an incapacitated AWOL, instead he simply rolls back into the ring where he continues to recover. Or so that’s what he thinks.

He begins to regain his balance only to immediately fall victim to rights, lefts and kicks to the back of his thighs, all offense generated from Cagero.

May: How the hell did Simon get back up? This guy is getting to be a real pest.

Mark: Then the two of you have something in common.

Simon now spins around and catches Psycho to the ribs with a back heel kick that doubles him over, putting him in a perfectly prone position. Cagero takes off into the ropes, building some momentum as he ricochets from the cables and comes rushing right back into the clutches of his opponent.

Psycho stands up and wraps his hands around Simon’s throat, setting up for the Redeemer.

Mark: We’re about to see a Paranoia size Redeemer out of the Sadistic One.

The savage Psycho heaves Cagero into the air for the double handed chokebomb only to be countered in shocking fashion when Simon wedges both feet to his chest and then pushes off into a back flip. The crowd is amazed by Simon’s agility as he lands right in front of Psycho and stumbles back. The Sadistic One rushes forward, lobbing a boot straight at Simon’s head only to have it ducked.

Cagero rushes towards the turnbuckle behind Psycho then leaps to the middle rope, springing off. The mauler turns around and gets caught by the neck, Cagero pulling him around and face first into the canvas with a springboard variation of the Break the Silence.

Mark: Break the Silence off the middle rope by Cagero, he could very well pin and eliminate Psycho….but wait, look at this, veteran instincts shown by Psycho.

The sadist rolls from the ring and finds himself stretched across his back on the apron, looking to be nearly as comatose as AWOL who is still lying amongst the many fragments of table at ringside. Simon gets to his knees in the center of the ring, sticking both arms out to his sides and trying to rally the people behind him. They give Cagero a just deserved round of support after all the brutality he’s endured in this grueling three way dance thus far.

Simon rises to his feet shaking his arms out to his sides and pointing at Psycho stretched over the apron. With chest heaving and body racked with pain Cagero actually approaches the turnbuckle nearest to Psycho and begins to scale it.

May: Yeah, I’m pretty sure the term “bat-shit crazy” applies to Simon Cagero.

Mark: He is headed up to the top rope again, although it didn’t prove very effective for him last time.

Simon steps up to the top rope and then points out over his screaming admirers, as if telling them to set their cameras now.

May: Stop showboating and do something you idiot.

Simon looks to be setting up for a double stomp on his perfectly placed opponent when he suddenly receives a right hand far south of the belt. The official was out of position to see the recovered Psycho swinging and connecting with the family jewels.

Cagero doubles over, placing both palms to his genitals with his jaw dropping. Before Cagero is capable of responding Psycho reaches out, takes him around the neck and folds him up in a muscle buster position.

Mark: No….no…..noooooo.

Psycho drops from the ring and breaks Simon via a muscle buster right onto the apron. The crowd leaps out of their seats and covers their mouths in shock as Cagero remains folded up like an accordion on the apron, every bone in his body possibly fractured on impact.

Mark: NOOOO!

May: Muscle buster connects right on top of the apron. That may be one of the sickest sights I’ve ever seen.

The shattered Simon falls through the ropes and rolls towards the center of the ring. His eyes are rolled back and his jaw slacked, looking completely spent after that last bone breaking maneuver. Another rousing “holy shit” chant pierces the night as Psycho slips into the ring and looks to follow up on his hard-work.

He steps towards Cagero and with no forethought takes him around the neck with both hands. Simon is nothing more than dead weight as he’s lifted from the ring, shot into the air and eventually planted to the canvas with the Redeemer.

May: He finally hit it.

Mark: Cagero had absolutely no defense against the Redeemer after that muscle buster on the apron.

Psycho climbs into the cover and hooks both legs for the pinfall.

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2

3

Mark: And it’s academic, Simon Cagero eliminated from this three way Ultimate Incentive match via the Redeemer.

May: Psycho’s went through one opponent, now he’s just got to finish off AWOL.

Comeau: And if he does he’ll have any match of his choosing for a year.

Before the shock of Simon’s elimination can even resonate with the fans Psycho is already looking to take AWOL out as well. He rolls under the ropes and descends upon the still motionless AWOL.

Tim: Now he’s gonna put AWOL away as well.

AWOL is led to his feet by the back of his head then rolled into the squared circle where he ends up stretched across his back. The referee aids Simon in getting out of the ring with his back turned towards the pinfall. Psycho quickly enters the ring, swiping blood out of his eyes and falling across AWOL’s chest, hooking a leg for further leverage.

Finally the ref turns and spots the cover, dropping into position and making the count.

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2

The Big Crazy Bastard’s arm launches free from the canvas.

Mark: Oh wow, a kick out from AWOL. The man just put himself through a table and yet he’s still able to power out of the cover.

May: That’s just plain sickening. What the hell does it take to pin this man?

Comeau: As I speculated earlier, there just seems to be something about Paranoia that brings AWOL alive.

A dinged up AWOL sluggishly turns away from Psycho who takes him by the shoulders, pulling him up to his knees. He slaps both palms down and around AWOL’s throat, strangling the life out of him in the process of dragging him towards his feet for the Redeemer.

May: A second Redeemer? Hope Psycho isn’t going to the same well too often.

Mark: Psycho just doesn’t want to eliminate AWOL, he wants to do it by sending an emphatic statement.

AWOL is nothing more than jello in his opponent’s hands. He almost falls over before Psycho stabilizes him and then prepares to lift his rival into the air only to plant him with bone breaking force against the canvas. Suddenly AWOL brushes the arms away from his throat though and then delivers a straight, sternum splitting knife edge chop.

Psycho staggers back and AWOL moves in and delivers another chop before setting for a third. Psycho ducks the last blow, catches AWOL by the shoulder and the thigh then drags him down into a violent spinning powerslam, hooking the leg immediately afterwards.

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2

AWOL’s shoulder again evades the canvas, leaving Psycho absolutely flabbergasted.

May: Psycho just can’t do it, he can’t put AWOL away.

Mark: The student trying everything he can to topple the teacher.

May: Well, you know what they say, those who can’t do, teach.

Psycho wipes blood out of his eyes as he ascends to his feet, turning his gaze and settling it upon the 2x4 planted on the apron. A sinister smirk creeps across his face as he approaches the weapon he hopes to ply his trade with.

May: He’s going for the very weapon that bloodied him earlier.

The 2x4 is taken into Psycho’s blood lathered hands as he turns his attention to AWOL. He now lifts the weapon into the air and begins to charge at the Big Crazy Bastard only to find it snagged on something. He turns around and realizes that the referee has gotten hold of his weapon and is now tearing it out of his clutches. Psycho grabs him by the striped shirt, threatening him but exposing his back to AWOL all the while.

The Big Crazy Bastard rises from his knees and suddenly catches Psycho’s arm, dragging it between his legs while hooking the opposite one.

Mark: Daisy Cutter!

Wait, no, Psycho back elbows AWOL in the forehead, once, twice, thrice, before he finally lets go and stumbles back.

The former Empire member can barely stand at this point as Psycho turns around and rushes in to take advantage. Unfortunately the Sadistic One runs right into the raised boot of the Big Crazy Bastard, knocking him through a loop and causing him to turn his back on the last man he would want to.

AWOL steps forward, catches him around the neck and sets up for that rear naked choke suplex yet again. However, the Sadistic Savage wedges his feet to the canvas and pushes back, using his power and girth to force AWOL over onto his back with Psycho coming down on top of his sternum. Both of AWOL’s shoulders are pinned to the canvas as he applies the submission hold.

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2

AWOL is forced to break the submission hold, allowing the bloodied Psycho to roll away from him.

May: AWOL unable to hit that same sickening suplex for a second time.

Mark: Nice alliteration.

May: Thank you.

A flabbergasted AWOL rolls to his knees and slaps the canvas with both palms before balling his hands into fists. He steps towards a kneeling Psycho only for the Sadistic One to go rolling under the ropes, forming a barrier between himself and his mentor. That’s when AWOL reaches through that barrier, extending his upper body through the ropes then wrapping his arms around Psycho’s neck, applying the rear naked choke.

May: He’s got that choke locked in again but there’s no way he can suplex out of it this time, so I fail to see the point. Psycho has never tapped and he won’t tap…..OHHHH!

What AWOL nor the fans realized, is that Psycho has grabbed hold of a broken chunk of the table at ringside. Nobody spots the weapon in Psycho’s hands before its being swung over his head and shattered right against AWOL’s skull. The official was out of position to see the blatant cheating from the Sadistic One that sends AWOL stumbling back and collapsing across the canvas.

Mark: A chunk of the table may spell the end for AWOL and cost him that Ultimate Incentive.

May: Psycho has proven that he’s learned a lot more tricks since distancing himself from this animal. An animal he’s about to put down here tonight at Paranoia VII.

Psycho slides into the ring, blood dripping from his chin as he approaches the unconscious AWOL and actually has the audacity to put a foot on his chest.

Tim: Looks like Psycho is going to pin two former World Champions in the same match.

Mark: This would certainly be a defining Paranoia moment for the most sadistic wrestler in IWC history.

The crowd dreads each slap of the canvas as the official falls into position and makes the count.

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2

AWOL’s shoulder escapes the canvas, the big man turning away from Psycho who goes pale white.

May: So much for that, AWOL with the obligatory kick out.

A seething Psycho reaches down and takes AWOL around the neck before flinging him spine first into one of the turnbuckles, where he sits motionless. The Sadistic One is on the verge of delivering a punch only to stop in mid-swing before a grin forms across his face. He now slowly backs away from the prone AWOL and finds himself in the opposite turnbuckle, kicking the bottom rope.

He turns around and stomps his foot, clearly setting up for the Face Wash.

Mark: Psycho is not only going to beat AWOL, but he’s going to do it using his very own move.

May: This is vindication for all those face washes that Psycho got earlier in this match.

Psycho takes a moment to relish the pending blow before he takes off at full speed across the ring. He extends his foot and rams it right through the ropes. AWOL ducks down out of the way, catches Psycho around the thigh and then pulls him down into a school boy.

The referee slips into position to make the count only for Psycho to immediately kick out, roll back to his knees then reach out with both hands, wrapping them around AWOL’s throat.

May: Redeemer!

Psycho stands up and heaves a stunned AWOL up into the air when the big man surprisingly slips out of his rival’s clutches and catches his former pupil around the neck. He then wraps his legs around Psycho’s waist, applying a front chancery, body scissors combination.

May: What the fuc….

Mark: Am I seeing this? A man of AWOL’s size is actually locking Psycho in a front chancery, body scissors combination hold? Only at Paranoia…

Tim: Meh, you hyped it too much.

A frustrated Psycho suddenly stands up tall and throws AWOL up into the air only for the Big Crazy Bastard to slip around his opponent’s shoulder. AWOL lands gracefully right behind Psycho then takes his arms, applying a pumphandle style hold. Before Psycho can react he’s being flipped over backwards into the Daisy Cutter. The crowd erupts into a wave of sheer elation as Psycho crashes into the canvas then flips to his back.

Mark: What a reversal….Daisy Cutter! It connects. Will it do the trick?

AWOL climbs into the cover, hooking both of Psycho’s legs with the crowd squealing over this startling image.

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3

The fans are unable to contain themselves, they absolutely explode as AWOL picks up the victory after this grueling three way elimination. The final survivor sits up, muscles aching, body fatigued, banged up and bruised all over, but still celebrating an emotionally satisfying victory.

May: AWOL has just secured the Ultimate Incentive. He survived both Simon Cagero and Psycho here tonight.

Mark: Now he gets any match of his choice for a year, but more importantly he’s gotten a measure of revenge against Generation Now.

Sweat seeps down AWOL’s injured body as he stands up, almost hyperventilating in the midst of his celebration. He lifts both arms high above his body, breathing heavily as the official takes him by the wrist. AWOL quickly shoves the ref aside and then turns towards his former pupil. He sluggishly staggers towards Psycho before falling to a knee, looking down into the barely opened eyes of the Sadistic One.

Mark: An odd scene here to close out what was a thrilling three way dance that featured some of the most creative offense I’ve ever witnessed. Even after he fell through that table at ringside AWOL emerges victorious.

May: Of course, not only was he given the ultimate incentive, but he had the ultimate motivation. For a whole year Psycho insinuated that AWOL was going to join Generation Now, stirring troubled waters, but now AWOL has just proven unequivocally that he has NO ties to his former pupils or Gen Now.

Comeau: What a match we have just witnessed at Paranoia VII that has ALREADY lived up to the hype, and this night is still early.

AWOL continues to kneel beside Psycho, gazing at the motionless face of his opponent, even as the lights dim and mushroom cloud explosions shoot from the rafters above.

WINDSOR EXPLOSION

The cameras capture the outside of the Windsor Armory where some fans who were denied entry are lingering.

Mark: What a night it’s already been here in the beautiful country of Canada, where Paranoia is live from the Windsor Armory.

May: The only thing beautiful about this country is the inexpensive, yet super intoxicating beer.

Suddenly pyros shoot from the top of the Windsor Armory, flying high into the air and exploding in the sky.

Comeau: A special little treat for those here in Windsor, Ontario Canada.

A plane can then be seen flying over the building with a banner hanging behind it that reads “Paranoia VII: Live from the Windsor Armory.”

Mark: We’ve clearly spared no expense for tonight’s telecast, evident by all the pageantry and all the matches, including the one we’re about to see next.

MATCH ADVERT

Jake Starr’s face is captured, grinning corpulently before cutting to a close up shot of Jason Zero’s mug, who looks incredibly serious. The two are now shown standing side by side with the IWC World Title draped over Zero’s shoulder.

Mark: Last month at the 2 For 1 Special, Jake Starr and Jason Zero were involved in a very controversial conclusion to the four way Double World Title match. Let’s take you back and show you how this historic bout came to fruition.

AMBIGUITY

Billy Mayne: What an amazing match we are witnessing here live on this historic night.

As the excited vocals of the commentators can be heard in the background a single word flashes over the screen.

CONTROVERSY

Sharper: Zero’s got the win.

Jason hits Cherry with the Chaos Theory before crawling into the cover, legs hooked for the win. The crowd is super excited, leaping from their seats in anticipation of this pinfall.

Mayne: WAIT!

Suddenly Starr leaps in from out of nowhere, connecting with his patented shooting star, frog splash and pinning both of his rivals in one single swoop. The celebration is captured from a variety of angles as Starr stands, holding the IWC and SCW World Title belts high above his head.

Mayne: Jake Starr has just made history, becoming only the second man to hold both the SCW and IWC…..

There is a sudden schism in the music, things horribly skewed. The change in base coincides with Zero grabbing the IWC Title out of Starr’s hand then pleading his case. He gestures between himself and Greg Cherry.

Billy: Hold on a minute, did Zero pin Greg Cherry?

All the clips rewind quickly and bring us back to the pinfall where Zero is clearly stretched over Greg’s chest, pinning him at the same time that Starr is pinning the IWC Champion.

Mayne: What does this mean? Shouldn’t Zero still be IWC Champion?

AMBIGUITY

Zero: There’s been a lot of confusion regarding who the TRUE IWC World Champion is.

We are now brought to another historic moment as Jason Zero stands in the center of the ring, IWC Championship flung over his shoulder. It now cuts to Zero and Starr shoving one another at the close of 2 For 1 Special before leaping back to the two standing mono a mono on Riot!

Zero: There’s only one way for you to prove that you deserve this championship, Jake, and that’s by facing me one on one at Paranoia VII.

The oh so excited crowd can be heard as Starr contemplates this challenge, hand raised to his chin, striking a though provoking pose. Everything becomes deadly silent until Jake utters those three magical words that send chills up the spines of every fan watching.

Starr: You’ve got it.

Jake: But don’t delude yourself. The only reason you still have that title is because I’ve allowed it.

As the heavy guitar intro to Three Days Grace’s “The Good Life” kicks in the camera cuts back and forth between the faces of Starr and Zero. It now captures the two holding up their respective World Title belts.

The good life is what I need
Too many people stepping over me
The only thing that's been on my mind
Is the one thing I need before I die

The clips match the slow base of music, showing Zero sporting a referee shirt and getting involved in Starr’s SCW World Title match against Thorn. This leads to a face off between the two with tensions escalating. The video transitions to a shot of Zero standing over a nearly beaten Suzie Clover when the lights suddenly go out. When they come back up Zero finds himself on the verge of being superkicked by Starr, who materialized out of nowhere.

All I want is a little of the good life
All I need is to have a good time, oh, the good life
All I want is a little of the good life
All I need is to have a good time, oh, the good life
The good life

Starr is shown throwing the IWC World Title belt above his head as he stands on a turnbuckle, taunting a stunned Zero. It then cuts to Jake throwing Zero out of the ring at the conclusion of his World Title match against Thorn. Zero is then featured attacking Starr in the confines of the Tactical Warfare match. We then see the two arguing over the IWC Championship strap in the center of the ring.

I don't really know who I am
It's time for me to take a stand
I need a change and I need it fast
I know that any day could be the last

An emotionally detached Zero hits the Chaos Theory on an unsuspecting Sasha Drachewych. He walks away wearing a smug grin on his face. The images then cut to Starr peeling back a Zero mask to reveal himself beneath much to Jason’s chagrin. The camera cuts between both men’s faces, Jake grinning, Zero fuming.

All I want is a little of the good life
All I need is to have a good time, oh, the good life
All I want is a little of the good life
All I need is to have a good time, oh, the good life

An explosion almost knocks Zero out of his boots and sends Kassie tumbling to her backside. The two look up at the loading bay door which sports the flaming emblem of Jake Starr, clearing sending another message to the IWC World Champion. An enraged Zero lashes out by kicking the taillight to a car, bursting it with his foot.

Hold on, hold on, I always wanted it this way
(I never wanted it this way)
Hold on, hold on, I always wanted it this way
(We didn't ask for it this way)
I always wanted it this way

Once again Zero is featured delivering the Chaos Theory on Sasha before transitioning to him backing up the ramp with the IWC World Title flung over his shoulder, stroking the gold. It cuts to Jake ALMOST delivering the superkick on Zero before the lights cut out and come back up to reveal a shocked Jason seated in the center of the ring, watching Starr celebrate with his title belt.

The good life
All I want is a little of the good life
All I need is to have a good time, oh, the good life
All I want is a little of the good life
All I need is to have a good time, oh, the good life
The good life

Zero: I will REVERSE the CURSE!

Starr: The IWC Championship is going to come back where it belongs.

A quick compilation of clips are showcased featuring Starr ripping away the Zero mask and grinning at the IWC Champion. It then cuts to Zero being thrown out of the ring by Starr before transitioning to Jason delivering a picture perfect dropkick to Jake’s face. We see Starr pinning Zero while Jason pins Greg Cherry before cutting to the two squabbling over the IWC title belt.

The cameras cut back to the interior of the Windsor Armory where the excitement is building for the next confrontation.

Mark: Earlier tonight we saw Christian Savior and Porno Lad tear the house down in their confrontation where Savior emerged victorious and now receives a title shot later this evening, but now we’re about to find out who Christian is going to face in that match.

“Sandstorm” by Darude hits the speakers and jars the crowd from their reserved silence. A single stream of pyrotechnics shoots down from the rafters and travels towards the stage like it were a falling star. Once it hits the steel a huge explosion of fireworks erupt from the stage and through them emerges Jake Starr. The former SCW Champion pauses as he’s showered in silver and gold sparkles. He then lifts a hand to his eyes, shielding them in order to get a good look at the loyal fans screaming his name. He pounds his fist to his heart then points them out before heading towards the squared circle where he prepares to face perhaps his toughest challenge yet. Once he rolls into the ring and leaps to his feet the crowd begins to show their support, many of them chanting his name.

Mark: Jake Starr has headlined many a pay-per-view, but I daresay he hasn’t been on a show that can rival the pageantry and spectacle of Paranoia VII. And in his very first, possibly last, Paranoia match he gets the opportunity of a lifetime, a shot at the World Heavyweight Title. It does not get any bigger than this, Tim.

May: No it does not, Marky Mark. This is an opportunity of a lifetime for Starr, let’s hope he doesn’t blow it like he did at Tactical Warfare.

Comeau: Tim alluding to Jake’s SCW title loss at the most recent SCW pay-per-view. This match here tonight gives Jake the opportunity at redemption. If he can win the IWC Title it would make up for his loss at Tactical Warfare, but in order to do so he must defeat a man who is simply described as the greatest pound for pound, pure athlete in wrestling today, Jason Zero.

Jake leaps to a turnbuckle and gives the crowd one last long look, embracing this calm before the storm.

The lights dim and a hush comes over the audience. The titantron suddenly goes static and this static starts to form a shape that all the audience recognizes.

The audience cheers thunderously as they recognize the face of Jason Zero. The face smiles before saying.

‘The Kingdom Of Old Is Dead.
The Order Has Fallen.
Now Is The Rise Of A New Kingdom…
Of Chaos’

The familiar electric guitar starts playing Crush 40’s ‘Knight of the Wind’ while every single fan of the proclaimed Crusader of Chaos holds up their lighters.

Wooaaah, Woooooah

Suddenly the Cartel-Tron cuts to the backstage corridor where Jason Zero is moving slowly towards the ring. The reason for his slow forward progression can be explained by the extremely thick and heavy knight armor that contains his frame. A javelin is held in one hand, a shield in the other. He is mounted upon a trusty steed, a pure white horse snarling as its hooves carry the World Champion onward. The IWC Title belt can plainly be draped over the back of the horse’s neck.

May: What in the hell is this?

Mark: Another truly over the top entrance here at Paranoia.

Hey all (Hey all)
Welcome to the greatest storm.
I know, I know.
You have waited much too long
And I (And I)
I will be your shining star.
I’m here (I’m here)
You Better conquer fear or run!

The saddle blazing Zero moves through the curtains still riding his giant white horse which carries him down the ramp past the screeching fans. Jake watches all of this with a roll of his eyes, finding Zero’s “grand” arrival truly obnoxious. Jason dismounts the horse and removes his helmet, winking towards the fans who shower him with praise. He throws down the helmet then begins taking off the rest of his armor.

Comeau: Jason Zero with maybe the most amazing entrance I’ve ever seen here at Paranoia.

May: You say that even though Porno Lad had hot co-ed twins in his entrance?

Mark: Yes.

Tim: You concern me.

Mark: I’ll tell you what’s of chief concern to Zero.

May: Saddle rash?

Comeau: No….retaining his World Heavyweight Title tonight. The guy has got a very steep hill to climb. Not only does he have to defend his strap in this match, but if he wins, then he’ll have to go on and defend the belt AGAIN, this time against Christian Savior.

Tim: He can’t look past this bout though. Jake has shown that he has a talent for getting into people’s heads.

Mark: And so has Zero, I mean, this whole entrance seems designed and throwing Jake off his game.

All the armor has been shed away as Zero climbs into the ring and prepares for what should truly be a history making confrontation.

Comeau: We’ve already witnessed several matches that can simply be defined as phenomenal here tonight with lots riding on the line, but this one could very well surpass all the rest and is for the BIGGEST prize in the IWC. This is the match people paid to see, this is Jake Starr versus World Champion Jason Zero.

May: You know that people already ordered the pay-per-view right? There’s no need to hype this up anymore.

Mark: I just can’t help it, this is gonna be a classic.

The bell chimes in the background and the crowd is already cackling in anticipation of this dream match. Jason Zero and Jake Starr make eye contact, realizing that their both in for a physical roller coaster of a battle to determine the TRUE World Heavyweight Champion. The official clears out of the way and both men step forward, showing trepidation with each step.

Tentatively they reach out and finally lock up to a loud reaction from the crowd that has been anticipating this moment for quite some time. They are positively giddy as they watch Zero and Starr now jockey for positioning only to eventually break away from one another when it becomes clear that neither one can get an advantage.

Comeau: A stand off here between Starr and Zero to start this match. Both men feeling one another out initially.

May: Something tells me that isn’t going to last very long considering the animosity that has developed between them in a relatively short period of time.

A grin settles on Jake’s face to break the tension, causing Zero to nod and for the two to proceed with their game of chess. They both leap forward and lock up in another collar elbow, turning and twisting across the ring as they try to take the lead.

Yet again this proves fruitless, the two pushing off one another and stepping back.

Mark: Both men still unable to take the advantage.

The tension continues to thicken as the two begin circling one another, looking for that all important chink in the other’s armor. Finally they leap forward and tie up for a third time, both men desperately trying to obtain the advantage. They spiral across the ring fighting to get the upper-hand.

In the midst of their jostling Jake pulls down on Jason, trying to throw him to the canvas, however, Zero has the exact same idea. As a result both men crash to the canvas face first and then roll to their side and end up right back on their feet with the collar elbow lock STILL established.

Comeau: There is no give from either athlete.

May: So this is it? This is what we’ve been waiting for? Thirty minutes of two guys rolling around hugging each other? Are they modeling this after Sid Vicious vs. Giant Gonzalez?

The struggle seem unyielding until Starr finally puts an end to this battle for supremacy. He does so by breaking the collar elbow, dropping to his knees, picking the ankle of Zero and tripping him over to his back. Zero collapses to his spine and Starr stands up still holding onto the ankle. He lifts it into the air and wedges it against his shoulder, applying a modified ankle lock.

Jason looks annoyed that Starr got in the first offensive move, prompting him to act quickly. He lifts his other leg into the air and places it on the opposite shoulder of the former SCW World Champion before interlocking his feet behind his head. He twists to his side and flips Jake over into a modified head scissors. However, Starr gets his palms out and cartwheels across the canvas, landing directly on his feet.

Comeau: Nice athleticism from Jake Starr there, cartwheeling right back to his feet, he’s got to get after Jason though while he’s still got him down on the canvas….

May: Good luck with that.

A surprised Starr braces himself and then comes rushing at the still prone Zero. That’s before Jason rolls towards Starr, forcing Jake to leap over him and charge onward into the far ropes. He ricochets off and comes back in at Zero who once again rolls across his stomach towards his rival. This time Jake tries to get fancy and cartwheels over top of the World Champion.

However, the moment his palm hits the canvas at Jason’s side, Zero reaches out and catches him by the wrist. His arm is yanked out from under him and Starr collapses to the canvas across his stomach and face. Jason stands up at his side, twisting at the wrist and applying an arm ringer submission hold.

Mark: Very effective counter from Zero targeting the arm. We saw Porno Lad work over Christian’s arm earlier tonight, is Jason going to exploit that same strategy against Starr here tonight.

May: Of course, because unoriginality suits Zero just fine.

Jason continues to twist the arm at a very awkward angle before Starr reaches out with his free hand, hooking it behind the ankle of the World Champion. He lifts it up into the air and sends Jason toppling over backwards, hitting the canvas with both legs launched into the air.

Jake quickly stands up and grabs at the ankle, prepared to apply another modified ankle lock. It won’t be the case this time, Jason wedges his feet to Starr’s sternum and kicks him off. As a result Jake is sent flying backwards, but instead of hitting the canvas Starr does a back flip, landing right on his feet. He then comes charging at his laid out opponent when Zero lifts his feet into the air, going for a monkey flip counter.

Jake LEAPS over Zero’s feet, in fact he LEAPS over his opponent completely before ducking his head and dropping into a forward roll across the canvas. The former SCW World Champion spins around as rapidly as possible only for Zero to roll back, extend his legs and place them on top of his shoulders, going for another modified head scissors.

The crowd squeals when Jake grabs the legs and pins them against his shoulders before stepping over his rival. As a result Jason is forced to his back with Zero stepping over his stomach, swinging around behind the legs and keeping one of them pressed to his shoulder, applying that same modified ankle lock that started this seesaw battle.

Mark: And we’re right back where we began in the first place.

May: Oh joy.

In a desperate act Zero lifts his foot and drives it straight into Starr’s shin, knocking his legs out from under him. Jake is brought down to a knee and releases the ankle, allowing Jason to wrap both his feet around his opponent’s head. This time Jake pushes the back of Jason’s heels, sending him rolling forward straight to his feet.

He stands up just as Starr comes rushing in and catches him with a deep arm drag into an arm bar submission predicament.

Comeau: Jason once again focusing his assault on the arm.

May: Can’t they come up with another body part to work over?

Jake rolls backwards and ends up on his feet, Jason standing up at his side and transitioning from the arm bar into a standard arm ringer. The torque being placed on the arm brings Starr right back down, falling to a knee, wedging it to the canvas in order to stabilize himself.

Jason really puts pressure on the arm until the elbow is about to snap out of place. He reaches out to grab the legs of his opponent only for Jason to kick his hands away and apply even more torque on the arm. Jake quickly drops into a forward roll, looking for some window of escape only to have Jason slam that window shut, dropping to his side and re-applying the arm bar.

May: Starr is just having no luck at all escaping this hold. Ha-ha.

Mark: Every time that Jake tries to counter, Zero just puts him in another submission.

Tim: And he keeps boring the ever living hell out of me in the process.

Comeau: Yes, and we all know YOUR entertainment is paramount.

May: And don’t you forget it.

At this point Jake is getting desperate, trying to free himself by rocking from side to side. Eventually he is able to get his feet up into the air and nips up from his shoulders to his feet. He immediately balls up his free fist and swings it right at Jason’s face only to have the World Champion duck under the five knuckle sandwich, break the submission, grab the inbound wrist and apply ANOTHER arm ringer.

Comeau: Another seamless transition from one hold to the next.

A wide smile graces the face of Zero, who immediately starts in with some verbal shots at Starr’s credibility.

Zero: Still think there’s nothing special about me? Huh? What do you think now, Mr. EX Champion?

The words elicit a primal reaction from Starr who actually bridges over backwards into a crab like posture, then lifts his foot into the air, wedging it to Jason’s wrists. He kicks the hands away and breaks the arm ringer, sending Zero spinning so that his back now faces the former SCW Champion.

Jake drops out of the crab position, reaches out and grabs Zero’s ankle then lifts it into the air, tripping him forward. The crowd looses it’s breath at the awe inspiring counter that has led to Jason being rolled to his back with his ankle pinned against Jake’s shoulder and now being wrenched.

Mark: Did you see that? Starr gets Zero right back in that modified ankle lock. This is like a chess battle between these two.

May: Well that would explain why I elicit no joy from this match, I hate chess. I hate the tiny little pawns, the tiny little knights, the tiny little bishops, the tiny little….ummmm…uhhh….mimes….all of them.

Mark: Mimes? Have you ever even played chess?

May: Sure I have. Now king me bitch!

Comeau: That’s checkers!

Tim: Same difference.

The fans are clapping over these multiple reversals in what has been a very back and forth confrontation thus far. The battle of one-upmanship wages on as Zero begins to bend his knees, bringing Starr in closer, well within his reach. He extends his hands and grabs hold of the crease of Starr’s elbow, physically pulling the arm away from his ankle. He then yanks down on the wrist, flipping Jake over to his back while Zero hobbles up to his feet, countering right back into the arm ringer.

Jake reaches out almost immediately, hooks the back of Jason’s ankle and lifts it into the air, sending him plummeting to his back. Starr stands up and tries to apply that same modified ankle lock only to have both feet wedged to his sternum, Jason trying to kick him off.

However, Starr refuses to fall victim to the same counter twice. He reaches out and hooks the creases of Jason’s knees and instead of going for the submission he goes for the pin by flipping forward into the jackknife cover.

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Jason wraps his arms around Jake’s waist and then sits up, sending Starr rolling back onto the back of his shoulders with a roll up.

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Starr kicks out and in the process sits up, knocking Jason over to his back with the former SCW Champion now seated on his chest, both arms wrapped around Zero’s legs and pushing down on the creases of his knees. The crowd squeals as the official makes another count.

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Zero kicks out, launching Jake off his sternum and sending him flying forward. Clearly the SCW competitor has his wits about him, thinking on the fly by ducking his head and rolling forward across the canvas. He ends up right on his feet and then quickly turns around, charging at Zero only to fall victim to the dreaded small package. Jason catches him coming in and rolls him right up into the pin.

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A loud pop emanates from the crowd as Starr kicks out yet again and both men race one another to their feet. Jason is the first up and the first to take a swing. He rushes towards the still kneeling Starr with his fist cocked back only for Jake to reach out, catching him by the ankle. He lifts it up into the air, perhaps looking to re-establish his dominance by once again applying that modified ankle lock.

Mark: He’s going right back into that hold….

May: Learn a new move dammit!

Jason is having none of this, he shoots his other leg into the air, swinging it towards the back of Starr’s head for an enzugari. At the last second, just before the boot can connect with his skull Starr ducks down, avoiding the strike. Jason ends up landing straight on his face with nothing to show for his troubles. In the meanwhile Jake leaps to his feet and then jumps over Jason’s back, catching him around the thigh and the shoulder, dragging him down into a mahistrial cradle.

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Within seconds of loosing his title Jason kicks out.

Mark: Starr very close to claiming the World Heavyweight Title on that exchange.

May: But he didn’t, which means we all have to sit here and watch this….this…mockery continue.

With a sense of urgency Jake is compelled to his feet, charging in at a still kneeling Zero who suddenly stands up and slips right around Starr, ending up behind him with both of their backs wedged together. Jason reaches up and hooks both biceps, attempting a back slide into the pin. The move is easier imagined than it is pulled off, Starr wedging his feet to the canvas, rooting himself to the ring and avoiding the pinning predicament.

It takes all his strength but he pulls Jason along towards one of the turnbuckles and then steps up the ropes. Jason is still pulling down on the arms trying to get him into the backslide, which gives Jake just the momentum he needs to go flipping over Jason’s spine and landing right in front of him.

The graceful Starr staggers back and keeps from going over just as Zero comes barreling towards him to take the advantage. That’s when Jake unexpectedly drops to his seat and catches the inbound Champion around the knee before falling back. As a result Jason is tripped forward, collapsing to his chest with Starr standing up behind him and over the crease of his knee, applying a Boston Crab.

He quickly steps over the leg though then uses the limb to pull Zero to his back. The fans are dazzled as Starr places Jason’s ankle against his shoulder, re-applying the modified ankle lock.

May: Are you friggin kidding….?

Mark: Amazingly Starr has transitioned right back into that hold….AGAIN!

May: It hasn’t worked thus far, why does he think now will be any different?

A look of pure shock hangs over Jason’s face, mixed with an expression of agony. The work that Jake has done on the ankle is beginning to plague Zero’s entire body, leaving him unable to counter as quickly as he had before.

The World Champion is now reduced to sliding across his back in the direction of the ropes. With half of the crowd cheering him on Jason reaches out, wrapping his fingers around the bottom cable. The official commences with a five count, reaching four before Jake breaks the hold and steps back with both palms held in the air.

Once the official clears out of his way Starr steamrolls towards Zero who is utilizing the ropes as a crutch to reach his feet. He stands up just in time to deliver a boot to Jake’s ribs, grab him by the back of the head and toss him through the ropes, presumably crashing to his demise.

However, Jake catches the middle rope, swings around and lands on his feet upon the apron. With no wasted motion he leaps from the apron to the top rope before springboarding into a flying forearm. Jason turns around just in time to duck under the inbound forearm, causing Starr to land on his feet with no payoff to his big dive.

He is now positioned spine to spine with Zero, who immediately reaches back, catches him under the armpits and pulls him down into the backslide.

May: What the….he finally got that backslide he was looking for earlier.

Mark: And it might just be his ticket to the main event.

The crowd screams as the official slides into position and makes the emphatic count.

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All it takes is one shoulder to be off the canvas and Jake is successful in lifting his arm from the ring. He drops over backwards to his knees when Zero grabs his arm, swings around under it and now applies the arm bar to a piercing roar from the crowd.

Comeau: And now Zero has gone right back to the arm-bar!

Tim: This is preposterous. I’m suddenly seeing why Billy Mayne needed a vacation.

Starr drives his fist into the canvas, looking angered and nauseated by redundantly getting trapped in this hold. He begins to slide across his knees towards the ropes, dragging Jason along with him into the cables. Finally he reaches out and grabs the middle rope, forcing the official to get involved, starting a five count that would disqualify and cost the World Champion his precious gold.

Zero seems reluctant to break the arm-bar, which Starr seemed to be counting on. He pulls on the middle rope and spills through it to the apron, in the process Zero tumbles forward due to his unbroken grasp on his opponent’s arm. The momentum sends Zero flying through the cables and flipping forward, landing straight on his feet across the mats.

May: So much for Texas Catch Can Wrestling, now these yahoos are brawling to the outside. If they come over here and cause me to spill my espresso there shall be hell to pay.

Mark: Come off it, Tim, we all know there’s more than espresso in that cup.

Zero quickly spins around just as Jake delivers a back kick to his jaw, the strike sending him staggering. The now standing Jake suddenly goes airborne, leaping into the air, landing on the second rope then springing off into a moonsault. He goes flying through the air and eventually crashes right into Jason’s shoulder, bringing the World Champion crashing down to the mats.

In an amazing display of athleticism, Jake actually lands on his feet, stumbling up the ramp and lifting a fist high above his head.

Mark: Did you just see that?

May: Unfortunately I haven’t been stricken blind, so yes, yes I have.

The crowd puts their hands together, cheering and cheering loud after Jake’s remarkable, death defying leap. He stops playing to the audience in favor of pressing his advantage, stepping towards a kneeling Zero and catching him to the temple with a right hand, followed by another. The stiff strikes have Zero sufficiently rattled and eventually he’s caught around the neck and deposited back into the ring.

Starr jumps to the apron with his eyes gravitating towards the turnbuckle. The moment he points to the top rope the fans go absolutely nuts, realizing that they could be in for Starr’s dazzling Shooting Star Press variation.

Mark: Prepare to be amazed because we’re gonna see it right here at Paranoia VII! Starr is going to take to the air yet again.

He proceeds up the turnbuckle to quite the fanfare from an exhilarated audience and now reaches the top rope. After steadying himself Starr acts like he’s throwing a cigar down on top of his laid out foe. This momentary taunt proves to be a momentary lapse in judgment, because it gives Zero just enough time to roll out of harm’s way.

A dissatisfied Starr watches as Zero rolls right to the outside of the ring and lands on the mats. A relieved Zero doubles over, taking a deep breathe, but foolishly he has his back turned towards the former SCW World Champion. Jake turns and adjusts himself before taking flight. Zero turns around just in time for Starr to crash into him with a shooting star press to the outside of the ring.

May: WHAT-A-MA!?!

Comeau: AAAH-HOOOO! Starr….SHOOTING STAR….right on top of Jason….right outside of the ring.

Tim: Okay, now that does have me impressed.

The building rumbles with applause after witnessing a second suicidal leap to the outside that leaves both Jason and Jake sprawled across the mats. Obviously Zero is the worse for ware, convulsing across the thin protective mats. Jake on the other hand is already rolling to his feet and this time throws both fists up high above his head, resulting in another loud pop.

Mark: I think Jake is justified in his showing off now, especially after that amazing shooting star press off the top rope to the outside of the ring. What a visual, what a Paranoia moment.

May: Quit over-hyping it dammit.

Although his ribs seem to be bothering him, Jake doesn’t let it slow him down. He starts towards Zero, who he’s attacked from just about every angle in this exhilarating confrontation. Starr takes him around the neck, leads him to his feet and eventually deposits him into the ring before his sights settle on the top rope for a second time.

Tim: He better not be teasing us again!

Mark: Zero looks like he’s about to head up top for ANOTHER attempt at his awe inspiring finisher.

The rafters are shaking with anticipation as Starr balances himself, pointing down with both fingers at the barely conscious target below. He finally takes flight, flipping through the air and plummeting towards Zero only for Jason to once again roll out of his landing zone. As a result Jake reacts quickly and actually gets his legs under him, landing straight on his feet to a loud reaction from the crowd.

May: How the hell did he…..?

Jason rushes in behind him when Jake leaps into the air, turning upside down, reaching back with his legs and sticking them under Zero’s armpits. He pulls him down into a roll up, sitting on Jason’s chest and holding down the creases of his knees.

Mark: Whoa…he’s got him in a pin, he’s got him hooked for the pin!

The official makes the count with the fans applauding along to each slap of the canvas.

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Zero kicks out, just barely saving himself the indignity of a loss.

Comeau: We were very close to seeing a new World Heavyweight Champion crowned here tonight at Paranoia VII.

May: You’ll still get to see it later on when the winner of this match is defeated by Christian Savior.

Starr is launched off of Jason’s chest and sent rolling over backwards to his feet. He falls spine first into the turnbuckle, arms dangling over the top ropes in order to keep him upright. Zero rushes to his feet and then comes charging in only for Jake to pull himself up into the air with the use of the cables and launch his knee right into the inbound jaw of his opponent.

The stiff strike sends Zero spiraling across the ring, SOMEHOW remaining upright. He balances himself just in time to turn around and receive a flying back heel kick from Starr, who sprung from the middle rope of the turnbuckle in order to deliver the swift shot.

Jason collapses to his back with Starr landing right beside him, bent forward with both hands to his knees.

Mark: Jake is really using his aerial abilities to keep Zero down, maybe he’s found the chink in Jason’s armor, no pun intended.

May: Oh-hahahahahahaha, how funny. I wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire.

A stunned Zero remains sprawled across the canvas clutching at his jaw, unaware that Starr is taking off into the ropes in order to build some momentum. He ricochets from the cables and then drops down into a forward roll before flipping out of it into the rolling thunder. He comes crashing down right into Jason’s ribcage, causing the World Champion to writhe in anguish.

A shaken Starr drops back, hooking Zero’s leg and hoping that he did enough damage to pick up the win here tonight.

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The crowd stops counting along for good reason, Jason got a shoulder up.

Comeau: Zero continuing to hang in there even when being assaulted from just about every conceivable angle. Starr keeps coming and coming, there’s no stopping the man.

Although winded and aching Starr reaches his feet and snares Zero in his clutches. With his hair trapped in Jake’s clutches Jason is powerless to keep from being dragged up to his feet. Once he has his opponent upright Jake spins around and drives a powerful forearm right into Jason’s jaw. The sheer force of the strike sends Zero twisting to the ring, where he lands throat first against the middle rope, now propped against the cable.

Jake points to his exposed opponent trapped in a very precious position.

Mark: Jake’s got something bad in store for the World Champion.

May: I hope it’s something disfiguring. That’s right PRETTY BOY, prepare to have that mug ruined Zero. Then he’ll have a REAL reason to wear that stupid mask.

Jake rushes into the opposite cables, ricocheting off and building some momentum. The crowd watches with baited breath as Starr comes charging towards Zero who suddenly stands up, turns around and side steps his opponent. He catches him by the back of the head, shoving him along into the ropes, intent on throwing him through to the outside.

However, Jake leaps into the air, lands on the middle rope and then springs back, leap frogging right over Jason’s head and landing directly in front of him. A flabbergasted Zero charges at him only to have Starr leap into the air, land on his shoulders and then snap back into a hurricarana.

Comeau: He’s got him in another pin!

May: He did it again!

The referee makes the count with the fans chanting along, screaming until their lungs nearly burst.

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May: We’re gonna have a new champ!

The hand comes down to the canvas for a three but stops just short when Jason kicks out, launching Jake off of his chest.

Mark: Close, very, very close to a new Champion being crowned on what has already been an absolutely amazing night of wrestling.

Although disappointed Starr is already getting back to his feet and going back to work on Zero. He turns around and lifts his arms above his head for a double axehandle only to have Zero cut him off with a right hand to the ribcage. The blow bends Starr over and puts him in position for Zero’s lethal Excalibur.

He stands up, applies the front chancery and shoots his arm out to his side, calling for the move that causes the crowd to react with loud applause. His showboating is cut short when Starr counters, wrapping his arms around Zero’s waist and then dropping back into a bridging northern lights suplex.

Comeau: This could be it.

May: I swear to God if it’s just another nearfall I’ll….

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NO!

Tim: Argh!

In the process of kicking out Zero catches Jake around the neck and rolls to his side, pulling him along with a front chancery applied. Both men reach their feet and Jason once again calls for his devastating Excalibur. This time Starr counters by wedging his palms to Jason’s stomach and pushing him off, sending him staggering backwards into the ropes.

He falls against the cables as Starr leaps into the air going for a dropkick. To the dismay of the challenger, Jason reaches back and wraps his arms around the top rope, keeping from ricocheting off and falling victim to another of Starr’s maneuvers.

To the shock of the World Champion, Jake back flips out of his dropkick and lands directly on his feet. The moment his heels hit the canvas Jake shoots his arms out to his sides, showing off and for good reason. A smile graces his face but is quickly removed when Zero steps out of the ropes and nails him under the jaw with a superkick.

May: AAAH-HAHAHAHA, that was awesome.

Comeau: Zero finally getting back on track with that devastating superkick that just removed Jake’s smile.

Although the kick connected with resounding force Zero is too winded to follow up. He goes twisting back into the ropes, leaning on them for support and desperately trying to catch his breath. All the while Starr is beginning to struggle, actually showing some signs of life. He turns to his side, grabbing his jaw and wiggling it back and forth, trying to realign it.

Zero steps in and delivers a swift stomp right to the back of his head before taking him around his possibly broken jaw and leading him to his feet. A right hand connects between Jake’s eyes and sends him falling backwards into the ropes. He ricochets off and staggers back into Jason who catches him with another right to the face.

The shot sends Jake twirling into the ropes and once again bouncing off. This time he lunges forward and nails Zero to the face with a forearm that nearly topples the World Champion. He then leaps back into the ropes, ricochets off and flies towards Zero again only to be drilled to the ribs with a spinning back kick.

The stiff strike doubles Jake over and Jason quickly hooks his head in a front chancery while also hooking the crease of his knee. He crowd squeals as Zero delivers a spinning fisherman suplex into the bridge.

Mark: Beautiful spiral fisherman. Will it be enough!?!

The official slides into position to answer that very question.

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The crowd is both relieved and disappointed when Starr’s shoulder evades the canvas.

Comeau: NO! Another kick out from Starr.

May: How are either of these two going to have anything left for our main event?

Mark: After this outing I can’t figure how Starr or Zero can even consider wrestling another match tonight.

Sweat seeps down Zero’s body as he struggles to his feet and grabs Starr by the hair, dragging him up into the front chancery. Once again the World Champion seems intent on delivering the Excalibur DDT. But this time Jake wedges his shoulder to Jason’s ribs and powers him backwards with a spear into one of the turnbuckles, driving all the air out of his body and breaking the front chancery.

Starr steps back and then gets a running start to take advantage of his prone opponent only to run right into the raised boot of the World Champion. The kick sends him stumbling back to the center of the ring and puts him in perfect position for the Chaos Theory.

Zero charges out of the corner in order to hit the STO but the second he goes to sweep Starr’s legs, Jake counters with a drop toe hold. Jason plummets face first into the canvas and Starr stands erect at his side. He’s only on his feet for a moment before flipping back into a standing moonsault. With urgency Zero rolls to his back and gets both knees up, causing Starr to crash right into them. He grabs his ribs and rolls across the ring, ending up on his back where Zero crawls over his chest into a pinning predicament. Both legs are hooked and every fan in attendance is upright watching Jason retain his title.

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NYOOO! Jake gets his shoulder up, turning away from a startled Zero in the process.

Mark: This match keeps waging on. Counter after counter. Blow after blow. Nothing will end it. This isn’t just about the World Title, this is about proving who truly is better.

May: I wouldn’t look at being better than Jake Starr or Jason Zero as any kind of actual accomplishment.

Comeau: And here I thought Billy Mayne’s cynicism was bad.

Zero, although racked with pain, although exhausted from this grueling performance, takes hold of Jake’s wrist and begins to drag his wounded opponent from the canvas. That’s when Jake grabs hold of the creases of his knees, trying to rip them out from under his body. Zero blasts him to the upper back with forearm strikes and even a double axehandle to take the fight out of him.

Jake’s grasp is broken and he now falls to his knees, wavering back and forth just as Jason leaps forward and connects with a sickening shinning wizard. His shin nails Starr directly in the temple and puts him on his back. The World Champion turns to his knees and looks to go for the pin but stops. To the surprise of the masses Zero stands up and points to the top rope.

May: Huh?

Mark: Zero not known for his high flying exploits his gesturing as if he’s going to the top rope. Wait a minute. He isn’t….you don’t think….he wouldn’t!

Tim: Spit it out already.

Comeau: I think he may be setting up for Starr’s trademark move.

Zero staggers in the direction of the ropes and slips through them to the apron. He slowly, painstakingly proceeds up the cables, body weighed heavily with fatigued. In spite of his mounting injuries the World Champion reaches the top rope and points down at Starr with both fingers, as if suggesting that he is about to deliver the five star shooting star press.

May: Me thinks Zero is gonna prove who the real Czar of the Shooting Five Star is.

Zero is about to go airborne when Starr suddenly leaps to his feet and comes charging towards the turnbuckle. As a result Jason has to leap from the top rope and leap frogs over the inbound Starr, landing directly behind him. Jake then twists into the cables, ricochets off and comes back in at Zero, who turns just as he’s hit with his own Chaos Theory.

Tim: Oh SNAP! Jake just hit Zero with his own finishing move!

Comeau: Starr connects with the Chaos Theory on Zero. If he can get the pin after this it would be the ultimate insult to the World Heavyweight Champion.

Jake struggles, fighting through his many nagging injuries to crawl into a lateral press. He hooks the leg and the official slips into position, making the count with every fan in attendance chanting along.

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The fans scoot to the edges of their seats, mouths hung open, eyes wide with suspense.

3!

A NEW World Heavyweight Champion has been crown….NOOO, Zero kicked out, his shoulder just evades the canvas mere seconds before the full count could be made. Starr sits up, lips dry and cracking, his hands thrown up into the air, pleading with the official, with the fans, with God himself, anyone who will listen.

May: Even stealing the Chaos Theory isn’t enough.

Mark: What will be enough to keep Zero down?

Jake is so frustrated that he looses all sense of himself. He struggles to his feet and furiously grabs hold of Zero’s hair, beginning to drag him up to his feet. He then yanks his head and positions it under his bottom to set up for the Canadian Destroyer.

Mark: The Canadian Destroyer, the prelude to Starr’s “Falling Starr.”

May: Hit it already and stop showboating.

The fans are frothing at the mouths in anticipation as Starr leaps into the air and begins to flip over. That’s when Zero shockingly wedges his hands to Starr’s stomach and pushes him up into the air, throwing him backwards. Starr lands on his feet a few inches separated from his opponent. Zero closes the gap by rushing in and sweeping Jake’s outer leg, bringing him down into the Chaos Theory.

Billy: Now Zero’s hit it, he’s hit his finisher….he’s got the pi….where’s he going?

Mark: This can’t be good.

Almost on instinct alone Jason rolls to the outside of the ring, ending up on the apron. He desperately clutches at the ropes, utilizing them to drag his extremely exhausted body to an upright base. Once both feet are planted under him, Jason leaps to the top rope and then springs off into a 450 splash that connects right across Jake’s mid-section. The fans pop at the sight of the springboard Night Flight, a move that has finished off every opponent it’s connected with.

Jason hooks both legs and the fans stand in anticipation of the three count.

Mark: Chaos Theory followed by the Night Flight. This is just how Jason won the World Title in the first place.

The official slaps the canvas and the crowd eagerly watches.

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3!

The whole building rumbles in shock as Jason has just retained…..scratch that, Starr kicked out!!!

May: UN-FRIGGIN-REAL!

Mark: He kicked out!?! No one has ever kicked out of that combination! No one!

Jason is in absolute shock. His whole body goes white as he rolls to his back, chest heaving, eyes opened so wide the sockets that contain them threaten to outright burst. Those in attendance cannot refrain any longer, they stand and start in with a chant.

Fans: THIS IS AWESOME, THIS IS AWESOME, THIS IS AWESOME!

Mark: Your damn straight this is awesome….this is wrestling!

Zero is slow to reach his feet, hands slipping into Starr’s hair, slowly pulling him up from the canvas. Jake is dead weight in Zero’s hands, unable to put up much resistance as he’s taken by the wrist and whipped across the ring into the ropes. Jake turns, ricochets from the ropes and comes right back into the waiting arms of Zero, who wedges his palms to Starr’s stomach, throws him up into the air and goes for the Claim to Fame.

Jake shockingly counters though by extending his legs, wrapping them around Jason’s neck and going for the hurricarana. He drops back but Zero keeps his feet planted to the canvas, refusing to be pulled down and pinned. It takes all of his strength but he pulls Jake back up to a seated position on his shoulders then reaches up and takes the back of his neck.

Starr’s head is pulled down into a front chancery and he’s now positioned for Zero’s patented, spinning falcon arrow.

May: Oh my what a counter.

Mark: This is Zero’s kill move.

Jason spins around in order to deliver the final nail in Jake’s coffin when Starr surprisingly twists his body and slips right out of the front chancery. He drops behind Zero, grabs him around the waist then pulls him down into a reverse roll up. Zero ends up folded over on the back of his shoulders with Jake seated on his thighs.

1

2

Zero kicks out, launching Jake forward into the ropes. He ricochets from the cables and comes back at Zero who stands just in time to catch him, swing him around and drive him into the canvas with the Claim to Fame. Jason leans forward, wedging his palms to Jake’s chest and holding him down.

1

2

Starr’s shoulder evades the canvas with mere seconds to spare.

May: Another nearfall. How many of these are we going to see?

Mark: We’ve already seen A LOT in this match. These two just keep going back and forth over that coveted IWC World Title. Neither man willing to budge an inch.

Starr is completely sprawled across the canvas, almost incapable of putting up much of a defense. Jason realizes this as he ascends to his feet and then approaches the nearby turnbuckle.

May: Zero determined to avenge Starr’s stealing of his finishing move.

Comeau: Can Jason actually pull off the Shooting Five Star Splash? The only man we’ve ever seen do it is Jake Starr.

Up the turnbuckle Jason goes before turning to face the down, hurting, brutalized, fatigued Starr, who can do nothing more than writhe on the canvas. Zero balances himself and then takes flight, flipping through the air and then performing the frog splash before crashing down right across Jake’s raised knees.

Mark: Jake just countered his own finishing move, preventing Zero from pulling it off.

May: That would have been the ultimate insult for Zero to pin Jake with his own finisher.

Jason grips at his ribs as he rolls across the canvas, thrashing around in pain. All the while Starr is crawling towards the ropes, desperately grabbing them as he tries feebly to reach his feet. He almost looses his balance only to catch himself and spin around, eyes locking on the near crippled Zero.

Tim: What can either of these two possibly have left to hit the other with?

Mark: I have no earthly idea. These guys have basically utilized every signature move they have at their disposal…hell, they’ve even used their opponents signature moves but it STILL hasn’t been enough to net them the win.

Starr finally steps away from the ropes and crouches, arms thrown out to his sides, fingers twiddling in anticipation of hitting Zero with another Chaos Theory.

May: He’s gonna steal his move again.

The fans squeal with excitement as Starr rushes across the ring on the verge of hitting the STO only to run right into the heel of Zero’s boot. Jake catches the inbound Jake with a thunderous superkick right under the jaw. The sheer force of the kick knocks Jake’s legs out from under him and sends him crashing to his back with Jason landing on his knees beside him.

May: SUPERKICK!

Mark: Another amazing counter in an absolutely amazing main event.

May: Go for the pin Zero, come on and pin him.

After everything he’s endured in this match Jason just doesn’t have the strength left to go for the cover. Instead he rolls to his back, breathing heavily, trying to regain his energy. All the while the official is forced to start in with the obligatory ten count, on the verge of disqualifying both men on the basis that neither one can stand up.

Ref: 1…… 2….. 3….. 4 ……5 ……6 ……7 …..8….

Comeau: It can’t end like this.

May: Their squirming.

Zero twists to his side as does Starr, both men simultaneously starting towards their feet. The crowd is highly enthusiastic at the sight of both men reaching their knees.

Ref: 9…..

They stand just in time to beat the count. Almost immediately Zero steps in and swings a fist into Jake’s face. Starr is knocked back a few steps before he responds with a right hand of his own. Both men trade shots with a captivated crowd watching on. They are now split right down the middle.

Fans: LET’S GO ZERO…..

Fans: LET’S GO STARR….

Jake delivers a desperation knife edge chop across Jason’s chest but there isn’t much behind it. Zero returns volley with a chop of his own. Each blow almost topples the athletes but they somehow keep their feet rooted to the canvas. Zero steps in and connects with a right hand to Jake’s face only for Starr to deliver a blow of his own. This exchange continues until Starr goes for another right that is blocked by Zero. Jason now drills Starr with an uppercut, followed by a chop, followed by a straight right hand between the eyes.

Zero is building some serious momentum at this point, even spinning around to bust his ribs with a back heel kick. The foot is caught right before it could deliver the damaging blow to Jake’s mid-section though. He pins it in place just long enough for Zero to leap into the air and clip him to the back of the skull with his opposite foot, the enzugari sends Jake twisting across the ring and falling into the ropes.

Mark: Zero starting to build some momentum. When he does this late in the match it normally spells disaster for his opponent.

Although drained Zero still has enough left in the tank to reach his feet, step in and drill Jake under the jaw with a forearm. Once taken by the wrist Jake is shot off into the turnbuckle where he amazes the crowd with yet another impressive feat. He steps up the corner and then flips back into a moonsault. Zero has the gumption to drop down out of the way, causing Starr to fly right over him and land instead straight on his feet.

Jason now comes rushing out of the corner in order to deliver the Chaos Theory, sweeping the outer leg only to have Starr leap over his hip, grab him by the back of the pants and drag him down into a school boy.

1

2

Zero kicks out and sends Starr spiraling into the turnbuckle as he tries to maintain his footing.

May: Another close one there…..YOUCH!

Zero reaches his feet and leaps towards Starr only for Jake to get both feet up, driving them into the inbound ribs of the World Champion and knocking him down forcefully to the canvas. The moment that Jason’s spine hits the ring Jake flips back over the ropes to the top cable. He now stands up, getting his feet under him and then dazzling the crowd with a truly unexpected Shooting Five Star Splash. He nails all of it, driving the full weight of his frame down into Jason’s body, knocking the oxygen from his lungs and the fight from his already fatigued frame.

Mark: Shooting Five Star right on top of Zero. This is it, this may be the end to this epic clash.

Every fan in attendance watches with captivated, spellbound eyes as the official makes the count.

Comeau: Will this be Starr’s defining moment?

May: Or can Zero defy odds by kicking out yet again?

The official’s hand slaps the canvas to the delight of thousands.

1

2

3!

The whole building rumbles from pillar to post as Starr has pulled off a miracle, defying all expectations by beating Jason Zero in the center of an IWC ring.

Mark: Starr has just….he’s just….he’s defeated Jason Zero in one of the most amazing feats my eyes have ever witnessed. Jake Starr is the NEW World Heavyweight Champion.

Tim: A new champion finally crowned here at Paranoia, and the biggest prize of them all that changes hands.

Comeau: What a match, what a moment.

Starr rises to his feet and then looses his balance, collapsing to his knees. Sweat drips down his frame, utterly exhausted after one of the most physically grueling matches, perhaps THE most physical grueling match, of his entire career. The World Heavyweight Title is forked over, put into his clutches as he raises the gold to his cheek. His lips picker up and taste the gold plate presented to him. He almost falls from his knees as he lifts the championship high above his head to a rousing reaction from the sold out crowd.

Mark: SCW’s Jake Starr has just been crowned the IWC World Heavyweight Champion. I tell you Paranoia doesn’t get any better than this. We just witnessed a five star classic for the history books ladies and gentlemen. WHAT A MATCH.

May: Porno Lad and Christian Savior set the bar high with their match earlier tonight, but this may have just topped it. What condition is Jake going to be in though when he goes on to defend that World Title later on against Christian Savior?

Mark: Set speculation aside and let’s just enjoy this amazing Paranoia…..this could be bad.

As Jake reaches his feet, lifting the World Title high above his head he’s suddenly snatched by the wrist and spun around by Zero. Jason limps, gripping his ribs and looking down at the title belt that hangs from Jake’s clutches.

May: Something tells me we’re about to have another tug of war over that belt, just like at 2 For 1 Special.

Mark: I don’t think Zero is going to take this loss lying down.

Just as was suggested by the legendary commentating duo, Jason raises a fuss by ripping the World Title belt out of Jake’s clutches. Starr watches with an intense gaze, ready to pick up where they just left off. That is until Zero extends the belt and places it over Jake’s shoulder.

Mark: A very classy act from Jason Zero, relinquishing the World Title unto Jake Starr. If there is one thing that Zero epitomizes, it’s class and heroism.

May: I think I’m gonna vomit, so please cut the sentimental dribble.

Jason goes one step further by actually raising Starr’s arm into the air and gesturing towards the newly anointed World Heavyweight Champion. Finally Zero backs out of the ring clapping for Starr, who allows the title to slip from his shoulder into the palms of his hands. He glares at the gold, his reflection staring back at him.

Comeau: After all the controversy, after all the ambiguity, Jake Starr finally stands before us THE World Heavyweight Champion no bones about it. And you better believe that he earned this through one of the greatest matches in the annals of Paranoia lore.

May: I guess Jason has nothing to be ashamed of, he came out, gave it his all, but tonight Jake was just one step ahead of him. But will he be one step ahead of Jason’s brother, Christian?

Comeau: Speaking of Savior, we understand that Susie Moore is backstage with the Rising Phoenix to get his thoughts on the World Title match later tonight.

BEST WISHES

The camera is zoomed in upon an arm crossed over a sternum, looking swollen and bruised. The lens slowly pulls back to bring Christian Savior, the Five Star Society and Susie Moore into view. They are located in the standard interview area where Moore anxiously holds a mic to her lips.

Susie: I’m standing by with the winner of the World Title Qualifying match, Christian Savior….

She pauses as the chants and cheers from an elated crowd vibrate throughout the corridor.

Moore: Christian, you had a very hard fought win earlier tonight, do you think you have enough left in the tank for one more match here tonight?

The question almost makes Savior scoff. He gestures with his good hand for Moore to bring the mic closer.

Savior: I don’t THINK, I KNOW. And no, no, before you get the wrong idea, assuming your capable of getting ideas, what I meant by, “I don’t think,” isn’t implying that thoughts don’t go through my head, I’m not like you Susie….

Moore wonders whether she was insulted or not before spotting some bright and sparkly on the floor, distracting her.

Christian: I’m always plotting, and Porno Lad learned that in our clash earlier this evening. I defeated him injured arm and all and now I’ve yet again EARNED a shot at the World Heavyweight Title. That’s right, I EARNED it. Unlike Porno Lad, nothing has been handed to me. I’ve had to scrape and claw my way into this championship match later tonight, and I’m not about to let fatigue or injuries stand in the way of the Rising Phoenix being crowned the NEW World Champion….

Heads bob in the background, the Five Star Society clearly agreeing with the Rising Phoenix.

Savior: I KNOW that I have enough left in the tank, as you put it Susie, to defeat Jake Starr. Because I possess something that Jake doesn’t, PASSION. It’s my need, my desire that will allow me to overcome my injuries and my exhaustion in order to take back the belt that was stolen from me last year. And now that I’m reunited with the Five Star Society…..

He slaps Katelyn on the shoulder.

Christian:…..I’m more motivated than ever. This group is looking towards me to fulfill all the promises I’ve made over the past few months, to be the type of man who leads by example, to be their Champion. Unlike Porno Lad, I’m not gonna let them dow…..what are you doing here?

His thoughts are skewed the moment that Porno Lad limps into the scene. He has a towel thrown over his shoulders and hands placed to his sore ribs. Surprisingly he doesn’t lash out or get physical, instead the Original Prankster calmly requests the microphone.

Porno Lad: Christian, I know the two of us haven’t seen eye to eye lately….

Christian: HA!

He’d go on laughing if it didn’t hurt him so much.

Porno Lad: But you need to believe me when I tell you this. If there’s any man other than myself that I’d rather see win the World Title later tonight, it’s you.

Savior’s eyebrow arches.

Porno Lad: You clearly deserve it, Christian. I mean, you pinned me, ME, that makes you automatically deserving of being World Champion. So I just wanted to come back here and do the honorable thing by wishing you all the luck in the world when you take on Jake Starr later tonight.

A hand is extended towards the Rising Phoenix.

Christian: You expect me to buy that?

The Prankster enthusiastically nods.

Porno Lad: I don’t see why you wouldn’t. This whole issue between us is all business, it’s nothing personal.

His fingers twiddle in anticipation of a shake. Christian continues to hesitate, and for good reason.

Savior: Ethan, I don’t know what game you’re playing here but I’m not going to fall for it. I pinned you clear as day. You lost. You lost to me, you lost your World Title shot, and you lost your Five Star Society. So why don’t you just leave the building now before you lose anything else.

The hand drops as does Porno Lad’s jaw.

Porno Lad: Okay, Christian, I respect that. You don’t trust me, that’s fine. I’m not exactly the most trustworthy fella. But I just want you to know that I’ll still be rooting for you in your match tonight. Good luck.

Ethan turns and walks off. He leaves Christian behind, shaking his head with a look of disbelief on his face.

MATCH ADVERT

A clip features a close up shot of Robin Brooks teasing her hair before cutting to Hurse hopping in place and swinging his arms out to his sides. They both freeze on screen, shoulder to shoulder, separated only by the versus symbol in the center.

Mark: Was Porno Lad actually trying to endear himself to Christian Savior backstage?

May: The man has lost everything here tonight and yet Christian can’t even throw him a bone by accepting his well wishes? What a classless individual that Savior is.

Comeau: Speaking of classless, up next we’re going to witness a one on one clash that has been a very long time in the making. We’re about to see Robin Brooks FINALLY collide with her ex lover, Hurse.

Tim: This match has been in the making for ages. It’s your basic, boy loves girl, girl loves boy, girl cheats on boy, boy cheats on girl, girl invents imaginary baby to control boy, type of story.

Mark: Yeah, very basic. Let’s go back and look at how this twisted love affair has come down to this.

THE BITTER AFTER-TASTE

An angry Steven Parkwood storms through the backstage area, furiously knocking items over in search of the Black Widow.

Hurse: Robin….Rooooobiiinn, come out, come out wherever you are.

With steel pipe in hand he storms towards a doctor vacating a dressing room. The doctor stops and eyes Hurse suspiciously. The clips fastforward through their banter before cutting to the doctor’s shocking revelation.

Doctor: Robin is pregnant.

The screen twists and stretches from side to side to symbolize Hurse’s mind. He looks dumbfounded by this surprising twist. In a flash the video transitions to Brooks seated behind a desk, her legs kicked up on its surface with a needy Hurse standing on the opposite side.

Hurse: You have to let me be part of our son’s life, Robin.

Brooks: Well that all depends on what your going to do for me.

The Master of Control lowers his head, now left without any semblance of control.

Mark: I don’t believe this, Robin Brooks is actually making Hurse wrestle this match for her.

Hurse is seen being pummeled and thrown around the ring by the likes of Too Magnificent, Fox Arcane, so on and so forth. There are repeated shots of him lying stretched over the canvas, crying out in pain, face flushed with agony. These images are interspersed with close up scenes featuring a smirking Robin Brooks, who clearly enjoys what she’s seeing as she watches intently from ringside.

Brooks: I can’t believe he actually fell for it.

The Black Widow is shown putting on a fake tummy, strapping it around her waist.

Robin: I’ve got Steven wrapped around my little finger, he’ll do anything I tell him to do.

Comeau: Jason Zero is giving Hurse a World Title shot!

An elated Hurse is shown strutting to the ring with the World Champion waiting for him in the center, belt thrown over his shoulder. Hurse leaps to the apron and is about to enter before a screeching voice cuts him off.

Robin: No, no, no…..I didn’t give you permission to compete in this match. If you want to be part of your son’s life then you’ll walk away now.

A sullen Hurse gives up his World Title ambitions and slowly walks, sunken head and shoulders.

Brooks: He’s like a puppet on my strings.

Hurse’s ever so brief participation in the Underground Invitational is captured before BFG comes out grabbing him by the back of the neck. He forces him up the ramp and towards the backstage area.

Mayne: Ha-ha, Robin just had Hurse removed from this Underground Invitational.

Brooks: He is completely at my mercy.

The music gets a bit more sentimental in the background as Rick-Rohl is featured standing outside a dressing room, face to face with Robin who is peeking out.

Rick-Rohl: How long do you think you can keep this rouse going……

Brooks feigns ignorance.

Rick-Rohl: You know your not pregnant, and you know eventually Steven is gonna catch on.

In the midst of an X-Class Title bout, in which Hurse is participating in on the behalf of Brooks, Rick-Rohl comes storming down the ramp. He grabs hold of Robin’s wrist and tries to pry the fake belly off of her before she pulls free and goes twisting into the barricade.

Mayne: NOOOOO. What has Rick-Rohl just done?

The camera cuts from a stunned Rick-Rohl, to an outraged Hurse, to a screeching Robin, who clutches at her stomach with both hands.

Brooks: I’ve got him so revved up that he’s going to go out there and tear Rick-Rohl apart.

The night of the infamous Hurse versus Rick-Rohl street fight is shown through a series of clips, the first one featuring Parkwood and Brooks standing in the center of the ring. Robin wears a huge grin on her face, realizing that all her plans are coming together.

Rick-Rohl: Steven….

Rohl steps to the stage clearly not prepared to fight.

Rick-Rohl: I happened to run by Robin’s doctor backstage and I knew I recognized him from somewhere….

A couple of flashes feature Dr. Holmes consorting with Brooks and unintentionally leaving a roll of dollar bills behind that Rick-Rohl picks up and examines. It now cuts to Rohl dragging Mendez to the stage with his hands bound behind his back.

Rick-Rohl: He isn’t a doctor, he’s a stripper!

Holmes: IT’S TRUE!

A pleading Brooks BEGS Hurse to listen before he reaches out and rips off her fake stomach. He is then seen walking away while Robin screeches at him.

Robin: You can’t walk away from me, come back here, please.

“I'm here for you," she said
and we can stay for awhile,
my boyfriend's gone
we can just pretend.
Lips that need no introduction
Now who's the greater sin
Your drab eyes seem to invite
(tell me darling) Where do we begin?

The Black Widow and the Master of Control are seen in one another’s arms. Brooks takes him by the back of the head and drags his lips to her own. The video features the two strolling hand in hand through the backstage area and down the ramp as well. We see them double crossing Robin’s ex lover Killjoy, and then betraying Jon Rich as well. Brooks can now be seen loaded on top of Hurse’s shoulders as the two celebrate a tag team victory. There is a close up on both their smiling faces then an extreme zoom in upon Robin’s plotting eyes.

Was this over before...
before it ever began?
Your kiss, your calls, your crutch
Like the devil's got your hand
This was over before
Before it ever began
Your lips, your lies, your lust
Like the devil's in your hands

A shocked Brooks is shown being planted face first into the canvas via the Sanitizer from Hurse. The video then transitions into Brooks having Katelyn Buehler betray Hurse by hitting him in the back of the shoulder with a steel pipe. Robin and Hurse are seen kissing again, but this time its by force. Hurse’s arms are restrained behind his back and he’s held up on his knees as Robin plants one on his lips.

Everyone in this town
is seeing somebody else.
Everybody's tired of someone
our eyes wander for help.
Prayers that need no answer now
I'm tired of who I am.
You were my greatest mistake
I fell in love with your sin
Your littlest sin.

Robin is shown making out with James Exeter in a restaurant before switching to Hurse forcing Katelyn to marry him, kissing her on the lips in spite of her refusal to participate in this hoax wedding. Robin is then seen throwing her arms up in the air and storming away from the ring as Hurse is being pinned yet again. It then cuts to Hurse writing a love letter to Hellkat then hiding it behind his back as Robin steps towards him. The video seamlessly cuts to Brooks hitting Killjoy in the back with a steel chair while Hurse watches on, his cheeks red and rosy, truly enamored with the Black Widow.

Was this over before...
before it ever began?
Your kiss, your calls, your crutch
Like the devil's got your hand
This was over before
Before it ever began
Your lips, your lies, your lust
Like the devil's in your hands

The clips become a bit more chaotic and violent, featuring Robin hitting the Spider Bite on Hurse. It then switches to Parkwood pie facing Brooks down to the canvas as she pleads him to take her back. This is followed by a shot of Brooks having her fake stomach ripped away from her waist. The next clip enhances the feud by showing Brooks pushing a stroller towards the ring.

Failure is your disease
You want my outline drawn
You were my greatest failure
Discourse your saving song

Another scene features Brooks looking enraged as Hurse is pinned in the center of the ring, costing her yet another victory. Brooks is then shown strewn across the canvas with Hurse backing away from his victim, taking a moment to relish what he’s done. The next shot features the Black Widow slapping Hurse hard across the cheek before cutting to Robin on her knees in the ring, wearing a wedding dress and screaming towards the heavens.

Was this over before...
before it ever began?
Your kiss, your calls, your crutch
Like the devil's got your hands
This was over before
Before it ever began
Your lips, your lies, your lust
Like the devil's in your hands

The crowd finds themselves eagerly awaiting the culmination to this very personal rivalry.

May: Ladies and gents, we are moments from seeing another very personal grudge settled here on the grand spectacle, but let’s take just one more second to address what happened seconds ago.

Mark: A NEW World Champion has been crowned here tonight in the form of Jake Starr, but will he be able to walk out of the Windsor Armory STILL the title holder by the end of this night?

Tim: I can’t wait to see Christian Savior versus Jake Starr, it should be epic.

“House of the Rising Sun”

The moment the lyrics of EverEve’s remake hit the PA system the crowd justifiably erupts. The pop persists and escalates the moment that Hurse arrives to the stage, head lowered, body covered by a long leathery trench-coat sans sleeves. A hood hangs over his head, hiding his face in shadows. He stands still on the stage for several seconds just soaking in the applause from the crowd before he kicks back his hood and reveals his determined face. The crowd continues to enthusiastically embrace him as Hurse marches towards the ring, removing his jacket and throwing it into the stands.

Mark: Hurse coming into this match loaded with intensity. It’s been a very, very long time since we’ve seen him so emotionally invested in a confrontation. Ever since he lost the World Title at Paranoia V, Hurse has just been numb, but the treachery that Robin has committed against him has awaked the old Parkwood. The Steven Parkwood that was World Champion.

Tim: For months Robin played Hurse like he was a fiddle. She had him wrapped around her little finger doing everything she told him to do. That was before Hurse discovered that Robin’s pregnancy was a hoax. Since that event Hurse has absolutely snapped and like you said, Marky Mark, we’re beginning to see glimpses of the old Hurse.

Comeau: Can Hurse put this sordid relationship with Brooks to an end right here tonight and truly get back to being his old self?

Inside of the ring Hurse is standing on a turnbuckle urging the crowd to get up via throwing his arms into the air. Their reaction changes, in fact the whole mood in the building is drastically altered once “The Game” by Disturbed signifies the arrival of Hurse’s opponent and ex lover, Robin Brooks. The crowd finds itself thoroughly repulsed once Brooks is pulled to the stage seated on a make shift carriage. Several rather burly and partially nude thralls hold ropes over their shoulders, the other ends of these cables attached to Brooks’ chariot. They come to a stop and then drop to their knees, allowing themselves to be used as steps. Robin employs them as stairs in order to depart her chariot and make her way down to the stage. Once the steel is beneath her feet she urges her slaves to leave. With a crown on her head and a scepter in hand Brooks strolls down the ramp and up the steps into the ring. Hurse anxiously pivots between feet, eager to get this confrontation finally underway.

May: Speaking of over the top Paranoia entrances…..

Mark: We’ve been waiting for this for a long time, Tim. Robin Brooks versus Hurse, a match years upon years in the making all built around a relationship that has spiraled completely out of control.

Tim: I can’t believe it’s finally come down to Brooks and Hurse going one on one at Paranoia.

Mark: Fake pregnancies, betrayals, infidelities, this whole sordid relationship between Brooks and Hurse has been something straight out of Days of Our Lives, but it all ends right here tonight.

The Black Widow and the Master of All Things Under the Sun stand mono a mono, physically but perhaps not mentally prepared for the clash moments from commencing. The bell chimes in the background and Hurse immediately steps towards Brooks, arms raised. That’s when she suddenly steps back and puts out her palms, demanding that her ex take a chill pill.

Mark: What is Brooks doing here?

Tim: My guess? Stalling to lure Hurse into a false sense of security, and I’m betting he’s gullible enough to fall for it.

Out of sheer curiosity Hurse stands back and watches, fists clinched and ready however. He observes Brooks back into the ropes and reaching through them, gesturing for a microphone. He continues to watch her every step, her every movement with increasing concern.

Brooks: Steven….let’s be serious for a moment.

Brooks employs her gift of gab rather than her in ring skills to try and put an end to this confrontation.

Robin: You and I know both know that this isn’t what you want.

Surprisingly Hurse is more intrigued than ever, if not slightly insulted.

Brooks: You don’t want things to end like this. Six years, SIX YEARS, that’s how long our love has endured. It can’t end this way, especially not in front of all these Canadians….

The jeers are loud enough to rumble throughout the building.

Brooks: You know this is all one big mistake, but it’s not too late to rectify it, Stevie….

Hurse continues to feign intrigue.

Robin: Our relationship may be broken but it’s not beyond repair. You still have time to fix everything. All you have to do to get back in my arms, comfortable and oh so secure, is to call off this match.

Surprisingly the idea seems to entice Steven, who raises a hand to his chin, thoughtfully pondering the proposition.

Brooks: It’s not too late for us to be happy, Steven. So just walk out of this ring, get counted out, and although you may lose the match, you’ll be reaping plenty of rewards later tonight. What do ya say my lil gummy worm?

The crowd voices their own opinion, and it’s decisively not in Brooks’ favor. Nevertheless Robin wears a shit-eating grin, and glares with wide puppy dog eyes at her ex fiancée. Hurse steps back, overcome with thought as he grabs the top rope.

Comeau: Is….is…..Hurse actually considering this?

May: He’d have to be crazy not to, just look at Robin.

If the fans weren’t upset before they are now that Hurse has made his decision. Brooks’ grin widens as Hurse begins to slip through the ropes, putting one foot on the apron.

Tim: He’s gonna do it.

Mark: He’s actually walking awa…..wait a minute.

Brooks is already in the midst of celebrating her psychological pinfall when Hurse steps back into the ring. As Robin’s grin fades, Hurse’s widens. He begins to shake his head still wearing the smuggest of smug grins.

Comeau: He’s not letting Brooks off the hook that easy.

Once Robin realizes that her plan has been thwarted she drops the act.

Brooks: So it’s really come down to this, huh? Your gonna go through with it? Well then, I’ve just got one last thing to say before I vanquish you here in this backwards country, and that’s….

Brooks suddenly launches her foot straight into Hurse’s ribs, doubling him over then putting him in position for the Spider Bite.

Mark: She’s going for the Spider Bite.

May: She set him up for this perfectly.

The crowd wails as Robin prepares to execute the stunner only to be shoved off into the ropes. She drops the mic and ricochets from the cables, unable to stop her forward momentum as it carries her into a boot to the womb. She is doubled over and Hurse steps across the back of her neck, throwing his arms up into the air to symbol for the Sanitizer.

Comeau: Wait, he countered into the Sanitizer already!

The reaction from the crowd has been drastically altered before Brooks drops down out of the Styles Clash position then rolls desperately from the ring.

May: Brooks knew exactly what was on tap and wisely she got the hell out of the ring.

Mark: These two obviously know each other very well. I would count on seeing a lot of counters here tonight between them.

Hurse watches as Brooks sulks around the ringside area, holding her stomach and giving a scornful glare towards her opponent. Hurse is tired of waiting, prompting him to go right after her. He storms towards the ropes, having waited long enough to get revenge on the Black Widow, only for her to avoid him yet again.

She reaches under the ropes, grabs Hurse by the ankle and pulls his legs out from under him. She employs all her strength to drag Hurse out of the ring and then grab him by the back of the head. Hurse flails his arms as Brooks charges him towards the steel ring post.

However, it’s Brooks who finds herself eating steel when Hurse reverses and instead sends her crashing into the pole.

May: Yooooouch. Brooks’ adorable face rammed into the turnbuckle post.

Mark: I think that we can safely say that this relationship is effectively over.

Tim: Yeah, that’s one topic I won’t disagree with you over.

Brooks rolls across the mats swiping her palm across her face while her aggressive former lover follows closely behind. He takes her by the hair, Brooks screaming as she’s dragged to her feet, spun around and kicked to the ribs. Brooks is now doubled over with Hurse dragging her head under his seat and again signaling for the Sanitizer.

May: He’s finally gonna hit it right out here in front of us.

Suddenly Brooks reaches out, grabbing the creases of Hurse’s knees and lifting them into the air. Parkwood crashes across his back with Robin standing over him, both of his kneecaps raised to her armpits. As she drops back Hurse’s eyes widen like a deer caught in a headlight, realizing that he’s being catapulted face first into the very post he just rammed Brooks into.

Tim: Some well deserved payback by Brooks.

Mark: First Robin got rammed into that turnbuckle and now she’s showing her ex how it feels. This is kind of a metaphor almost for their whole relationship. Hurse taught Brooks how to be aggressive, how to be a manipulator, how to get what she wants no matter the cost nor the means. And now it’s all coming back to bite him in the ass.

May: Or the face….to be more accurate.

The crowd collectively grimaces as they hear and see Hurse’s face thud off of the post. He twists to the mats, lying across them and going into spasms. A remorseless Brooks rises to her feet, utilizing the turnbuckle to do so. She pushes away from the very item that came in handy and at the same time proved to be a nuisance.

With no wasted motion she takes Hurse by the hair, leading him to his feet and then pulling him right back towards the turnbuckle. A groggy Parkwood has no idea what’s happening as the side of his head is placed against the post and his head is wedged between the apron and the bottom rope. Brooks heightens the suspense the moment she jumps to the apron and begins to back away from her opponent.

May: This might be a tad disfiguring.

Mark: It’s a little unsettling actually.

Brooks overlooks the crowd and mumbles something under her breath.

Brooks: Men…..

She takes off across the apron and leaps into a basement dropkick, crushing Hurse’s head between her feet and the post. A mixed reaction, some squeals, some cheers, some groans, are heard from the Canadian crowd as they witness Hurse slowly falling to his knees, eyes rolling to the back of his head.

May: THAT was impressive.

Mark: Robin getting the violence started and started quick. She’s looking to put Hurse away as fast as possible.

A handful of Hurse’s tights and the back of his shattered head finds its way into Brooks clutches as she drags him to his feet and then throws him into the ring. She now climbs in herself and then stretches her body across Hurse’s chest.

Tim: You were right, Mark, she’s ending this in a hurry.

Referee Wright makes the count with the fans dreading each slap of the canvas.

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In defiance Hurse kicks out, resulting in screams from the crowd, and groans from the Black Widow.

May: Yeah, that kick out is not endearing to Brooks at all.

Mark: I hardly thing Hurse is concerned with placating Robin any longer.

Brooks wedges a forearm to Hurse’s face, going for another cover.

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Robin finds herself even further unsettled when he kicks out, prompting her to drape her back across his chest and hook both legs.

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Now Robin is going into a fit as Hurse gets a shoulder up a THIRD time.

Mark: Get over it sister, you haven’t done enough to put Hurse away yet.

A rattled Brooks rises to her feet, leaps into the air and then stomps down right onto the head of the legend. She quickly takes him around the neck and yanks him to a standing base only to snap over backwards, planting him on top of his skull with a thunderous DDT.

Hurse flips over to his back with Brooks floating over into the lateral press.

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Hurse only further aggravates Brooks by showing his resiliency via the kick out.

May: He keeps kicking out.

Comeau: And it’s just annoying Robin more and more with each second that passes in this Paranoia grudge match.

In irritation Brooks drags Hurse up to his seat and then delivers a forearm to the back of his skull. This is followed by another forearm, then a third. The stiff strikes almost knock Hurse from his seat but somehow he remains upright just long enough for Brooks to take off into the ropes in front of him.

She ricochets off, barrels towards Hurse then leaps forward with her elbow traveling right into her opponent’s forehead. Hurse is knocked to his back, looking quite incoherent at this point.

Mark: Another vicious blow square to Hurse’s head.

May: Well…..this is exactly what Hurse wanted, too late to complain about it now.

On instinct Hurse rolls across the canvas, getting away from Brooks and any further pin attempts. Robin steps up behind him, taking his head into her hands then forcing him up to his feet. She now rushes across the ring then leaps into the air, dragging him down face first into the canvas with a one handed bulldog.

Hurse flops over to his back and quivers after his skull drilled the ring with such force. A smirking Black Widow reaches her feet, spotting Hurse’s position then taking advantage of it.

She rushes towards the ropes, leaps to the middle one and then springs back right into a moonsault. She connects, but not with her target, instead all the air is knocked out of her lungs once she hits the canvas.

Mark: Moonsault fail!

Brooks pops up to her knees gripping her mid-section with both arms, looking as if she’s in a whole heap of pain. All the while Hurse rolls into the ropes, utilizing them as a crutch in which to reach his feet. He then charges out of the cables at Robin the moment she reaches her feet. She stands only to be knocked right back down to the canvas via a shoulder block.

Hurse stands over his laid out former fiancée then takes off into the cables at her side. He leaps to the middle rope and then flips back into his own moonsault that Brooks has the good gumption to counter by lifting her knees. But Hurse isn’t quite so easily thwarted, he lands on his feet, bent forward over the raised knees but not crashing into them.

Instead he grabs hold of the very legs Brooks raised in defense and now tries to turn them over to apply one of his patented offensive maneuvers.

May: Is he actually going for the Legend Lock?

Comeau: That he is. What a fitting way to end this match here at Paranoia….WAIT!

Just as Hurse tries to roll Robin over to her stomach in order to apply his inverted liontamer, Brooks reaches up with her hands and rakes him right across the eyes. The blinded Hurse is too distracted by the pain in his eyes to block Brooks wedging her feet to his chest and kicking him off into the turnbuckle.

Hurse slams into the cover spine first, his arms falling against the cables in order to support his body despite having the wind taken out of his sails. Robin, who clearly has no problem with bending the rules to her own advantage, rushes to her feet and then comes barreling towards her disorientated prey.

The spider seems to get trapped in her own web though, when Hurse avoids Brooks by swinging his legs through the middle rope and getting his body out of harm’s way. As a result Robin crashes chest first into the top turnbuckle and begins to stumble back.

Hurse quickly takes advantage by dropping in reverse and going for the pendulum kick to her face. The shins nearly connect only for Robin to reach out and catch his inbound legs before they can hit her beautiful features.

She pushes them down, causing Hurse to sit back up on the middle rope before taking him around the head and delivering an inverted stunner.

Mark: OHHH good gravy what a counter!!

Hurse’s head snaps forward as he grabs at his neck and twists to the canvas.

Tim: Robin knew the perfect way to counter that move, almost as if she knew what Hurse was going for before he even did.

Mark: She knows Steven extremely well after their six year relationship, and she also knows that he has a very brittle neck that was previously injured by her Five Star Society teammates.

The impact on the neck leaves Hurse writhing across the canvas. He interlocks his hands across the back of his neck, rocking from side to side in the process. His remorseless ex gives him no time to recover. She stands up and approaches the turnbuckle, climbing up to the middle rope before taking flight. She extends her leg, planting it directly across Hurse’s throat.

Parkwood’s legs kick up into the air and Robin hooks them, pulling them down towards his chest in order to fold him up on the back of his shoulders.

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Re-injured neck and all Steven kicks out, rolling away from Brooks.

Tim: Come on Hurse, is it really worth sticking it to your ex? Your risking your career here bud.

Robin is obviously irate as she stands up then drops knee first right into the area where the spine connects with the brain. Hurse grabs at the back of his neck and goes rolling across the ring, trying to create some distance between himself and his vengeful ex.

She sits him up on the canvas though, then wedges her knee directly to his neck before pulling back on the chin with both hands. Hurse flails his arms through the air, desperately lashing out towards the ropes which he is close enough to reach. The index finger wraps around the middle cable, which is more than enough to provoke the official to demand Brooks break the submission.

Stands up with increasing frustration and delivers a swift kick to the back of the neck.

Mark: Robin still going after that pressure point. She really is out to end Hurse’s wrestling career here tonight.

May: If he’s gonna end their relationship, she’s gonna end his wrestling livelihood.

Hurse lies on his side, slightly under the bottom rope which Brooks springs off of. She comes down swinging her lower body knee first into the back of his neck. The blow sends Hurse rolling through the ropes and spilling across the mats on his knees.

Tim: Robin deliberately controlling the pace of this match with moves like that.

Mark: Every time Hurse turns around Brooks goes right back to work on the neck.

May: You can’t fault brilliant strategy like that.

The pain addled Hurse crawls across the mats, desperately trying to get away from Brooks. She won’t let him go.

The Black Widow rolls under the ropes and methodically stalks Hurse, following him even as he turns the corner of the ring, vanishing to the other side. She leaps around the turnbuckle with fists cocked back ready to swing, only to find that Hurse has disappeared into thin air.

May: Wait. Where’d he go?

Mark: Hurse has just vanished ladies and gentlemen.

A confused Brooks looks around, peering into the audience. Where she should have been looking is under the ring, evident as Hurse climbs out from beneath the squared circle.

Tim: He was hiding under the ring?

Hurse stands up on the side of the ring perpendicular to the side Brooks is standing on. He now rushes forward, leaps into the air, catches the turnbuckle with both arms and uses it to swing his legs around right into the back of Robin’s head.

The modified 619 sends Brooks collapsing into the mats to a loud pop from the crowd.

Mark: Hurse getting creative, hiding under the ring and then busting out that pendulum style kick with the aid of….you guessed it….the turnbuckle post yet again.

Tim: What a mark of a coward, hiding under the ring like that.

Now it’s Brooks crawling away from Hurse, gripping her back of her injured head. She’s grabbed by the hair, led to her feet and then rolled into the ring under the cables. Hurse follows her right in and then bends forward, both hands wedged to his knees as if anticipating something.

The moment that Robin gets up Hurse rushes in and levels her with a lariat. Robin rolls across the canvas to her feet only to have Hurse take her back down with a combination knife edge chop and forearm. She collapses to the ring then scrambles across it once more before rushing at Hurse who bends down, catches her knees against his shoulder then back drops her high into the air.

Brooks catches tremendous height before eventually crashing with force against the canvas.

Mark: Hurse is a house on fire at this point. He’s catching Brooks from just about every angle imaginable.

May: Yeah, but Brooks is hawt, she isn’t deserving of such treatment, especially not from a guy with a mug like Hurse’s.

Mark: Believe it or not, Tim, looks have nothing to do with this match.

Brooks is so stunned that she doesn’t even feel the pain coursing through her back, neither does she realize that she’s standing up and stumbling right into a spinning heel kick from her ex-lover. Hurse knocks Robin to the canvas where she begins to squirm, thrashing about as if she were just hit with a lightning bolt.

Parkwood quickly gets up and drags Brooks to her feet before snatching her by the neck. He now makes a throat slitting motion and points towards the turnbuckle.

Mark: Robin about to be Disinfected!

May: She looks plenty clean to me.

A shocked Robin is pulled along towards the turnbuckle as Hurse steps up to flip back into his modified Slice Bread Number 2. However, when he puts his foot on the top rope Brooks slaps it out from under him, causing Hurse to drop to his seat and then fall back into a tree of woe.

May: That was an AMAZING counter.

Mark: Please stop kissing ass, Tim, we hear enough of that from Billy Mayne on a weekly basis.

The crowd is shocked over the counter that leaves Hurse dangling upside down from the top rope, his leg caught around the cables. Brooks realizes that she’s got her rival in perfect positioning, prompting her to leap forward and kick him to the mid-section. She delivers kick after kick to his ribs then drops down and begins to claw at his face. The official starts a five count on Brooks who eventually takes her nails away from Hurse’s eyes. She grabs him by the bangs and lifts up on his head so that he can hear what she has to say.

Brooks: It didn’t have to end like this, Steven….

Her words are made far more poignant when she stands up, taking Hurse around the neck and putting him in position for yet another inverted stunner. She steps out of the ropes, yanking his legs off the cables and beginning to drop down in order to seal his fate. However, the moment Hurse’s feet come off the ropes he twists his body and plants them to the canvas.

He stands up behind an unsuspecting Brooks and wraps his arms around her waist, going for what appears to be a German suplex.

Mark: And Hurse follows up with an excellent counter of his own.

Tim: No one likes a kick ass, Marky Mark.

Before Robin can fall victim to Hurse’s maneuver she takes off running across the ring, dragging him along as he maintains the rear waist lock. That’s when she drops down right in front of the turnbuckle and causes Hurse’s momentum to send him flying forward right into the corner.

He bounces back and stumbles right into Robin’s clutches, catching him around the waist then dragging him over into a reverse roll up. She ends up seated on the back of his thighs, folding him up like an accordion for the pinfall.

Tim: Brooks bringing sexy back with a win here.

Mark: She might just have the pinfall.

The referee drops down into position and makes the count to exasperated pleas from the crowd.

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Hurse not only escapes the pin but drops back onto his knees, standing up behind Robin and wrapping his arms around her waist.

Comeau: He’s got her set for the German once again.

The fans are excited only to have their hopes dashed the moment that Robin back elbows Hurse in the temple. She then performs a standing switch, stepping behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist. Suddenly Hurse reaches up though, catching Brooks around the neck then rushing at the turnbuckle. He steps up it and flips backwards into the Disinfectant. The back of Robin’s skull SLAMS against the canvas and she goes into convulsions while Hurse rolls away from her.

Mark: Listen to this reaction for the Disinfectant. The fans know it, I know it, and Hurse knows it, this may be the move that picks him up the win.

May: That definitely wouldn’t be bringing sexy back.

Hurse rises to his knees and almost falls over. He shakes his head, grabbing at the back of his neck then urgently crawls into the cover, falling over Robin’s chest.

May: Is Hurse going to have his revenge?

The referee’s hand emphatically slaps the canvas with the crowd already rising to its feet in a pre-emptive celebration.

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The celebration ends the moment that Robin’s shoulder leaves the canvas, kicking out a fraction of a second before she can be defeated.

Mark: Hurse ALMOST had her in this insanely competitive back and forth match.

May: Well he WOULD have had her if he had just called this whole thing off. Now he’s got nothing to show for his performance here tonight at Paranoia.

Hurse runs his palms down his face and takes a very deep, cleansing breath, trying to maintain composure. He slowly turns towards Brooks and reaches down, grabbing hold of her legs. He drags her around to the center of the ring while taking a moment to overlook the screaming fans.

Comeau: I think everyone in the building knows what Hurse is about to go for. We haven’t seen the Legend Lock in a while but something tells me that Hurse is gonna bust it out right here at Paranoia VII.

May: He’s taking way too much time though.

Hurse bends down and hooks the creases of her knees before trying to roll Robin over to her stomach.

Comeau: Can he get it locked in?

Suddenly Brooks retracts one of her legs and delivers a swift kick that is suspiciously low. Hurse doubles over, crying out in pain and reaching for his crotch as he staggers back into the turnbuckle.

May: Did she just kick him in the family jewels? HA!

Hurse falls into the corner, grabbing at his junk while Brooks scrambles to her feet. She tries to run but can only gallop after that Disinfectant. Her lack of speed proves to be detrimental as she runs right into a spinning back kick to the ribs that doubles her over.

Hurse then reaches back and takes her around the neck.

Tim: He’s not gonna hit another one.

Mark: If that’s what it takes….

The emotional Parkwood steps up the turnbuckle and flips back into another Disinfectant. This time he lands on his feet instead of his seat because Brooks grabbed the top rope and prevented being dragged down into the contra code. Hurse rushes forward in anger only to receive a mule kick right to the balls.

Mark: ANOTHER kick below the belt.

May: HA. I don’t know why it keeps getting funnier.

Hurse’s jaw drops before his mouth is shut by Brooks, who reaches back, takes him around the neck and delivers the Spider Bite. Hurse stands up straight, looking to be on dream street before he finally plummets to his back. Brooks spins around and crawls into the cover, hooking the leg with every fan in attendance screaming over the realization that Hurse has been denied his vengeance.

Comeau: Wright was out of position to see that kick to the groin which set up for the Spider Bite.

Tim: And now Robin is on her way to another Paranoia victory. The third in a row.

The absent minded official drops to the ring and slaps it to draw an end to this exciting bout.

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Hurse shocks the world and Brooks especially when he kicks out.

Mark: NOOO! Now it’s Steven who is powering out of the pin.

May: Why does he keep depriving me the sight of Brooks hopping around and giggling as she celebrates? WHY!?!

Although he kicked out, it’s obvious that Hurse is spent. He can barely move after that blow to the testicles and the stunner that followed. Brooks rises to her feet looking so mad she’s gone cross eyed. Finally she comes up with the sure kill move, grabbing Hurse’s leg and lifting it into the air. She makes a circular motion with her finger as if she’s about to step into the figure four leg lock.

Comeau: Now she’s gonna apply the Spider’s Web and force Hurse to tap out, to give up on their relationship figuratively.

With a determined look on her face Robin steps over the knees and turns her back on Steven only to pay dearly for it. He gets his other leg up and wedges a foot to her rear-end, kicking her off and sending her barreling head first into the turnbuckle. The back of her skull hits it and she goes flipping up to the top rope as a result. She lands on her seat but gently falls back, finding herself trapped in the tree of woe.

Comeau: And we have another reversal of fortunes, its now Brooks who is hung upside down in the tree of woe.

May: This is one reversal I could have gone without seeing.

Hurse crawls away from his prone, upside down adversary and finds himself hunched in the center of the ring. He slowly stands up, exerting all his remaining strength to reach his feet. He then turns towards Brooks and comes barreling in before leaping at her exposed skull with a dropkick. Suddenly Robin sits up on though, her head getting out of Hurse’s path. The momentum of the missed dropkick sends Hurse sliding under the turnbuckle and catching the exposed steel turnbuckle post right between the legs.

Mark: Ohhh, as if Hurse could withstand another shot to the groin.

May: Well, now that’s he through with Brooks it’s not like he needs it anymore.

Hurse is grimacing, his whole body tensing up with pain as he deliberately rises to his feet. He is still hunched over when Brooks drops out of her seated base on the top rope, flipping back over Hurse’s shoulders and landing in front of him. She then pulls him by the back of the head right between her legs before stepping to the center of the ring and throwing her arms up to signal for the Sanitizer.

May: She’s gonna finish him off with his own move? I like it.

Mark: What a closing touch to this emotional roller coaster of a match.

Brooks is on the verge of putting the finishing touches on her storied history with Hurse when he suddenly counters in shocking fashion. He grabs her leg, lifting it up into the air while dropping back, flap jacking her ribs first right across the top rope. She falls across the top of the turnbuckle, now hanging with her head dangling above the apron and her legs kicking above the ring.

Comeau: Hurse may have just saved his chances at victory with that stunning counter.

May: I think it’s only delayed the inevitable…..what is he doing?

Mark: He couldn’t possibly be….

Although his legs are shaking Hurse steps across the ring and begins to climb up the ropes behind Brooks. He now sits across the top cable and then reaches out, taking his former flame around the waist. He lifts her up off the turnbuckle while twisting her mid-air and holding her on top of his shoulders.

Comeau: Oh wait….

Hurse leaps off the middle rope and then throws Brooks across the ring with a SUPER release LEGEND BOMB!

Mark: LEGEND BOMB from the top rope.

Tim: I’ve never seen him hit that move from such an angle before.

A fatigued Hurse crawls towards the vanquished Brooks and hooks both legs in spite of his persisting injuries.

May: Is it really over?

The ref slaps the canvas with the fans counting along.

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Mark: Vindication for Hurse here at Paranoi…..

Brooks launches a shoulder from the ring resulting in shrill, glass shattering screams from the audience.

Comeau: WHAT!?!

May: Brooks just friggin kicked out of a SUPER Legend Bomb.

Mark: What a Paranoia moment and what a match to co-headline this awesome event.

Hurse rolls to his elbows and knees, face draped in his palms. He slowly rises to his knees, gripping at his neck in the process. After a lengthy delay he stands up and slowly approaches Brooks, taking her around the neck then forcing her head under his seat yet again.

May: Hurse is determined to deliver the Sanitizer.

Mark: He wants to put an emphatic end to this match on HIS terms.

Tim: Make him feel the wrath of a woman scorned, Robin.

Hurse is mere seconds from exacting his revenge when Brooks swings out from under his legs then kicks him to the gut. He is doubled over as Brooks reaches out, taking him around the neck for the stunner. Suddenly Hurse twists his head, freeing it from her clutches then reaches out wrapping his arms around her waist. He lifts her up and twists her around onto his shoulders with another Legend Bomb.

This time before he can drive her into the canvas Brooks actually flips over backwards and lands on her feet. She stumbles and staggers, trying to remain upright just as Hurse comes barging in. That’s when Brooks turns her back on him, catches Hurse around the neck and nails him with the Spider Bite.

May: What a super sexy counter!

Hurse’s head snaps back and his body follows suit, stumbling into the ropes and ricocheting off. He staggers right back into a kick to the gut followed by a second stunner.

Mark: Another Spider Bite by Brooks. Will two stunners in a row be enough to FINALLY end this relationship with Hurse?

A desperate Brooks crawls into the cover, hooking both legs in the hopes that it will finally put her ex lover behind her.

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The crowd is despondent over Hurse’s inability to kick out of two Spider Bites in a row.

May: YEEEEAAAH baby, Brooks brought back the sexy, and she did it by defeating Hurse once and for all. You can’t ask for a better Paranoia moment than this, Marky Mark.

They may be dismayed by the ending but they were thrilled by this aggressive and acrobatic display of talent. Brooks utilizes the ropes to stand up, almost loosing her footing but not passing up the opportunity to gloat. She falls into the referee, holding up both arms, striking a very triumphant pose as the crowd verbally berates her. Hurse holds the back of his neck and his jaw, twisting his head from side to side He slowly looks up at the celebrating Brooks, who cackles at his expense. She now bends forward and actually has the audacity to blow him a kiss with both palms.

May: Another stellar performance by the Black Widow, who wins her third straight Paranoia main event.

Mark: This match just one more example of what you come to expect from Paranoia. Another match that will exemplify everything this pay-per-view stands for, will be coming up next when….wait, I’m getting word that something is happening backstage.

Tim: Well somebody get a damn camera back there already, don’t leave us out here with such ambiguous newsflashes. Come on, come on, get crackin!

ARRIVING IN STYLE

Police sirens continue to wail as the motorcade pulls into the enclosed parking facility of the Windsor Armory. The Canadians in attendance cheer at the sight of the limo slowly careening to a stop, still flanked by a full battalion of armed officers.

Mark: Orlando’s replacement is in the building ladies and gentlemen.

May: The new boss is here. Have any mentos? I want to make sure my breath smells heavenly, and like cinnamon.

Comeau: It seems the moment that we’ve all been waiting for is nearly upon us. The owner will officially make his, or her, way out here and reveal themselves to the world.

Tim: I hope it is a female then.

Mark: Not that type of revea…..you know what, never-mind. Since the new stock holder is now here, it only seems appropriate to discuss Orlando Cruze’s final match.

MATCH ADVERT

The Icon’s face is superimposed over the screen, eyes brimming with intensity. The feed then cuts to Jackson Adams, looking slowly into the camera before his face breaks with a smirk.

Comeau: Orlando sold his stocks in the IWC to the highest bidder, who will reveal their identity right here tonight, but first Cruze must answer one last challenge.

May: Before he can retire permanently, Orlando will collide with Jackson Adams in one final match.

Mark: Orlando, brain tumor and all, will risk his legacy, his livelihood, and even his LIFE, when he meets Jackson Adams, NEXT.

THE RISK

A bell chimes in the background with the screen becoming pure black. After the bell tolls the screen is inundated with images pertaining to past Paranoia events. An explosion of pyrotechnics light the staging area for Paranoia V, with one figure lurking in the middle of the blaze. Orlando Cruze stands with his fist raised high in the air, taunting the crowd.

Mark: He is Orlando Cruze, the man who MADE Paranoia the spectacle it is today.

A series of clips endorse Comeau’s every word. There are shots of Orlando hitting the Rock Bottom on Lethal Weapon, on Hurse, on Desolation, and Christian Savior before ending with the Icon holding up the World Heavyweight Title. His body may be broken but he proudly stands in order to lift the championship above his exhausted, sweat lathered frame.

Comeau: Every year his fame grows and his legacy is cemented right here at Paranoia.

More shots feature some of Orlando’s historic encounters, such as his bout against Hurse where he locks in the crossface and forces him to submit. Suddenly static begins to consume the screen. The distortion clears up a little, just enough for one’s eyes to decipher the outline of Jackson Adams’ face.

Mark: Orlando showing why he’s earned the moniker of The Icon.

Cruze consumes the screen once again as he delivers the Rock Bottom off the top rope on a shocked Lethal Weapon. This feel good moment is again broken into with static. The haze begins to dissipate, doing so just enough for the viewers to see Jackson Adams swinging a chair into Shaun Cruze’s back.

Jackson: Orlando Cruze is a coward!

Comeau: Another five star classic from everyone’s hero, Orlando Cruze.

A screeching Dan Douglas is seen caught in the clutches of Cruze, who wrenches back on the neck during the unbelievable Steel Cage Elimination match. More static, more disturbing images. Through the static a clip of Jackson shoving a bloodied referee shirt into Orlando’s face is distinguishable.

Adams: Orlando has led you people astray. He’s brainwashed you into believing he’s a hero.

The static returns before clearing away in order to reveal Orlando standing on a turnbuckle, holding the World Champion aloft as his family and friends celebrate in the ring behind him. The video distortion once again plagues what was a clandestine moment in Orlando’s career. The static clears up completely this time, showing Adams standing face to face with Orlando, who’s head is lowered, eyes heavy with emotion.

Jackson: You abuse these people, you demand their sympathy, and you won’t even give them anything back after all they’ve given you. They want to see Orlando Cruze in one last match, and yet you would deny them this? You’re a hypocrite, and you’re a coward.

Jackson Adams’ path of destruction is seen via montage form.

Adams: Don’t be fooled, Orlando says he won’t face me because he’s injured, but that’s a damn lie. He won’t face me because he fears me.

A steel chair is swung by Adams into the back of Orlando’s brother, knocking him to his elbows and knees. The next clip shows Adams catching Johnny Kingdom around the neck and delivering the Spectacular Ending.

Jackson: He knows that he would be just one more victim.

Adams is featured slamming a Tag Title belt into AWOL’s face, driving him to the canvas. This is followed by a shot of Jackson swinging a chair into Shaun’s upper back.

Jackson: You fans have been tormented and tortured by Cruze long enough.

A steel chair thuds off of Shaun’s back before cutting to Adams and Craven throwing Daniel Ackart out of the ring, then doing the same to Jon Rich.

Adams: He’s showing his true self by not answering my challenge at Paranoia VII.

Adams is now shown standing over Shaun with the chair raised above his neck. The music and the intense vibe of this chaotic montage ends when Orlando Cruze appears on the ramp, rushing out to his brother’s defense. He climbs up onto the apron, watching as Adams lifts the chair higher, threatening to bring it down into the back of Shaun’s neck.

Jackson: Will you face me at Paranoia? Will you answer my challenge?

A very conflicted Cruze watches from the apron before finally offering an emphatic response.

Orlando: YES!

A grin widens across Jackson’s face.

Jackson: You people are going to see Orlando for what he really is.

Cruze: I can’t face Jackson at Paranoia, because I have a life threatening injury.

Black and white clips feature Orlando lying on his side in the center of the ring, blood dripping out of his nostril and a far off glint in his eyes. He is seen falling over after throwing a punch, looking utterly powerless to keep on fighting.

Orlando: The only reason Adams made this challenge is because he knows I can’t answer it.

The earlier glimpse of the historic Hell in a Cell encounter is expanded upon as Jackson is shown shoving the tattered referee shirt violently into Orlando’s face. Cruze steps back, head lowered, eyes filling with rage. A quick series of clips show Orlando holding the bloodied head of his brother in his arms, as well as Shaun being attacked on his way to the ring by Generation Now.

Orlando’s head continues to hang before he finally offers a physical response, driving his fist right into Jackson’s jaw and knocking him to the canvas. As blood streams from Jackson’s broken nose, he laughs.

Jackson: Orlando Cruze is a coward.

Cruze has mounted Jackson’s chest and is punching him over and over again in the face.

Adams: Orlando Cruze is a hypocrite.

Another right hand connects to Jackson’s face.

Adams: Orlando Cruze is a liar.

Another right hand.

Adams: He knows he can’t beat me.

Mayne: At Paranoia VII, Orlando Cruze risks everything when he collides with Jackson Adams.

Cruze is featured holding up the World Title at the conclusion of Paranoia V before cutting to him lying on his elbows and knees bleeding from the nose.

Jackson: This is going to be THE definitive curtain call.

Adams is shown attacking Shaun Cruze with the chair then standing above the unconscious body of Johnny Kingdom.

Adams: Orlando Cruze will leave the IWC after Paranoia, because I will put him out!

Orlando is shown setting up for the Rock Bottom on Adams before cutting to Jackson driving the steel chair down right into the back of Shaun’s neck.

Mayne: Will Orlando even survive….survive….survive?

“You Know my Name!”

Shortly after these lyrics hit the PA system golden pyrotechnics drip from the Cartel-tron. Orlando Cruze steps through this shower of sparks and receives a standing ovation from the crowd. A smile forms across his face he lifts his fist high into the air, taking in this moment, his final Paranoia performance. The arm drops to his side and he proceeds down the ramp, the crowd captivated by his every step, his every breathe, and his every gesture. They relish every glimpse of the Icon they can feast their eyes upon, knowing that this will be the very last time they ever see him. With a slight tear in his eye Orlando slips through the ropes into the ring, doing so very slowly in order to savor the moment. He then drops to his knees across the canvas, bends forward and kisses the ring where he’s created a very rich legacy for himself. After embracing the very ring where he wrestled so many historic matches, Orlando leaps to his feet and lifts both arms into the rig. As soon as he makes this gesture golden pyrotechnics shower down from all four sides of the rafters above.

Mark: This is it, Tim, this is what the past year of Orlando’s turbulent life has led up to. In spite of crippling head trauma, the reclamation within his family, and the selling of his shares in the company, Orlando Cruze steps into the ring ONE last time right here tonight. He risks life, legacy, he risks it all for one final match in the center of an IWC ring.

May: If this truly is Orlando final hurrah, which is long past due mind you, I think there’s no better place to end it all where it all began, right here at Paranoia.

Mark: An era truly comes to an end as Orlando collides with a man who has done everything, EVERYTHING to bait him into this match, even stooping to the most repulsive levels imaginable.

May: Repulsive or not, it worked. Orlando is here isn’t he? He’s scheduled to compete even with massive head trauma.

Comeau: As excited as I am to see Orlando’s final match I’m equally as concerned. If he takes one blow, even ONE blow to his head it could all be over.

The crowd is still giving Orlando a just deserved standing ovation. He lowers his fist and slowly backs into a turnbuckle, leaning on it for support and taking a very deep breath, realizing what is at stake here tonight.

“FAKE IT”

The lyrics to Seether’s hit single conjures a mixed reaction from the crowd. They continue to both boo and cheer even as Jackson Adams moves through the curtains, Submission Title flung over his shoulder and microphone in hand. There is surprisingly no big pyrotechnics display or theatrics coinciding with his arrival here tonight at Paranoia VII. The only thing different about Jackson is his slightly modified ring gear, which is oddly all white.

Adams: Go ahead, go ahead, ham it up, relish in it….

Mark: Jackson has arrived here at Paranoia, but apparently we’re gonna have to listen to him jabber on instead of wrestle.

May: He should be allowed to air his grievances, even if this is Paranoia VII.

Adams is slow and methodical in terms of his march towards the ring.

Jackson: Soak in every moment of Orlando’s arrival and his big cheesy entrance, because in a matter of moments I’m about to SHATTER your perception of the Icon. Everything you THOUGHT you knew about Orlando Cruze I will prove WRONG.

Comeau: Although Jackson claims that this match is no more than a tribute to the Icon, he’s clearly grandstanding here and trying to FORCE the spotlight onto himself.

Tim: Why shouldn’t he take a moment to ham it up? The man labored endlessly to get this match signed. This is a product of all his hard-work, all of his…..

Mark: No…THIS is the product of all his hard work, Orlando is right on him!

Before Jackson can even reach the mats he’s mugged on the ramp by a vengeful Icon. Orlando rolls out of the ring and barrels towards Adams who throws a wild right only to have it blocked and be nailed to the jaw with a European Uppercut. The shot stumbles Jackson back a few steps, trying to brace himself at this point by swinging his arms.

Comeau: Cruze attacking Adams before he could even get into the ring.

May: Orlando is defending himself like a cornered and injured wolverine without the mutton chops.

The fans are in a frenzy as Orlando chops, chops, chops away at Jackson’s chest. Finally Adams is able to deliver a boot swiftly to Cruze’s mid-section, doubling him over and putting his head well within the Generation Now member’s reach. He cocks back his fist and gets a running start before charging in to deliver a knock out blow to the injured brain of the Icon.

Unfortunately for Adams, he runs knees first right into Orlando’s shoulder and is then thrown towards the heavens. Adams catches some significant air before plummeting back first into the steel ramp. Pain reverberates throughout his spine and his entire body, Jackson shaking in agony.

May: BACKDROP on the ramp.

Mark: This match already getting very heated and the bell hasn’t even officially rung yet.

With all his pains and aches Jackson rolls down the ramp and reaches the mats, scurrying across them towards the steps. He grabs the steel steps, utilizing them as a support in which to reach his feet when Orlando spins him around and delivers a chop across the sternum. He follows this up with another stiff strike, then a third, then a fourth, then a fifth, then a sixth, then a seventh. The stiff chops now begin to alternate with punches to Adams’ jaw that send him sliding down the steps and eventually sitting with his back propped against the steel.

Mark: Orlando so fired up, so emotional. This match has gone beyond personal for him.

May: He’s fighting as if his life depended on it….oh wait, hahahahaha, it does!

If their adrenaline wasn’t flowing before Orlando makes sure the crowd’s heartbeats are racing now. He steps back, throwing his arms up into the air and screaming towards his fawning adorers.

Orlando: HE’S leaving on a stretcher tonight.

His pointing finger is directed at a near comatose Adams, resulting in a loud reaction from the crowd. Cruze moves in to exact revenge on the man who has targeted and tormented his family over the past few weeks only to have Adams suddenly reach out and grab the creases of his knees. He rips the legs out from under the Icon and sends him tumbling to his back. The excitement from the crowd turns to dread once they realize what Adams is setting up.

He stands and pulls both legs of Orlando’s knees up to his armpits, preparing to catapult Orlando skull first into the exposed steel turnbuckle post.

May: We’re gonna see Orlando’s career ended before this match can even begin.

Comeau: All it will take is one shot to the head and it could be over for the Icon.

Jackson is just about to drop back and send Cruze flying into his doom when Cruze suddenly pulls his legs free. He wedges his feet to Jackson’s ribs and kicks him off, sending Adams staggering back into the steps and then spilling over them.

Mark: Thank God for that, Orlando sparing his head from what may have been a life ending collision with the post.

May: Would you really miss Orlando, no seriously, would you?

A loud round of applause can be heard for Orlando as he ascends to his feet with the aid of a ring tarp. He’s upright and moving towards the steps when Jackson pops up on the opposite side and delivers a double palm thrust to the throat. Orlando’s head bounces back and he grabs at his neck gasping desperately for air.

With a sense of urgency Adams reaches out and takes Orlando around the head, attempting to drive him down face first right into the steel steps. The crowd squeals as Orlando’s face speeds towards the steps only for the Icon to get both palms out. He wedges them to the top of the stairs and utilizes all of his strength to keep from being driven into the steel.

Comeau: Orlando, for all intensive purposes, trying once again to save his life here.

May: Yeah, but Adams is just as determined to end it by driving his head into those steps.

The crowd is emphatically urging Orlando on as he slowly pushes his head further and further away from the steps. Adams puts his back into it, beginning to inch him back towards the steel. Finally, in an act of desperation, Orlando throws a right hand that nails Adams in his ribcage. The strike knocks the air out of the Gen Now member and doubles him over.

Mark: And Orlando avoids yet another life threatening maneuver.

A highly motivated Icon storms straight towards Jackson’s backside and blasts him to the upper spine with a double axehandle. Adams arches his back and falls forward into the barricade, leaning on it for support, which proves to be a costly error. The same barricade that supported him is now used to inflict damage upon him, Orlando grabbing him by the head, yanking it back and then driving him down face first into the steel.

Jackson’s brain bounces off the walls of his skull, leaving him cockeyed as he staggers towards the ring. Orlando takes a handful of his hair and finally deposits him into the squared circle before beginning to enter himself. He gets half way under the bottom rope when things go horribly awry.

Adams scrambles to an upright base then lifts his foot into the air before stomping down at Orlando’s head. Cruze rears back at the very last second, sliding under the ropes to the outside, using the cables as a barrier between himself and the remorseless Adams. He quickly reaches through this barrier, grabs the creases of Jackson’s knees and lifts the legs up into the air.

As a result Jackson tumbles to his back with his legs held up into the air. Orlando takes full advantage of this, sliding into the ring then quickly stepping through the elevated legs, trying to roll Adams to his stomach in order to apply the sharpshooter.

May: Orlando going right for the KILL as well.

Mark: Do the words “bad taste” mean anything to you?

May: I hear hookers say that often after giving me blow….

Mark: ENOUGH!

The joyful crowd has further cause to be….well….joyful, as they watch Adams squirm across his back trying to avoid the sharpshooter. He finally bends his knees and is able to slip his heels onto Orlando’s ribs before kicking him off. The Icon is sent spiraling into the ropes, spilling through them and eventually landing on his feet across the outside mats.

He balances himself with his back perched against the apron. What Orlando doesn’t know is that his opponent is taking full advantage of his positioning. Jackson rushes to his feet then across the ring before dropping into a baseball slide dropkick connecting right between Orlando’s shoulder blades. Cruze is sent sailing into the barricade before twisting around and slamming against the steel with spine compressing force.

Tim: Orlando is so concerned with his head that he’s left other areas of his anatomy completely exposed.

Jackson rolls out of the ring and goes after Orlando like he were a piranha attracted by the faint whiff of blood. Cruze tries to pull himself up with the use of the barricade before Adams takes him around the knee and the shoulder, hoisting him up then dropping him down chest first into the barrier.

Mark: Jackson Adams not only a submission expert, but he’s also very adept at using all areas of the ring as a weapon. We’ve already seen him TRY to use the post and the steps to do damage to Orlando’s injured head, what will he use next?

Orlando clutches at his sternum, both arms wrapped around his bruised chest, exposing his back to his opponent. Adams grabs him by the shoulder and turns him towards the ring before pulling his head back, preparing to slam him skull first into the apron.

Cruze quickly puts out his boot and wedges it against the apron, keeping his head from being driven into the hardest portion of the ring. In a fit Adams steps back and quickly kicks Orlando to his knee, knocking his foot from the apron.

The shot also sends Orlando into a spiral that takes him into the apron then rolling under the ropes to the inside of the ring. Jackson slides in after him and tries to take advantage of Cruze’s perfect positioning. While Orlando is crouched Adams charges in at his side and launches a foot straight at his temple.

At the last second Orlando steps back, avoiding the boot which misses his skull by mere inches. Adams then turns around and rushes at Lando only to be caught with a big belly to belly overhead release suplex.

Comeau: Nicely done. Orlando putting Jackson to the canvas with the spinebuster. This match may be over in just a matter of seconds. I think Adams vastly underestimated Orlando.

May: That has to be the case. It’s the only way to explain what we’re seeing here.

Adams hits the canvas and rolls across to his hands and knees just as a wounded Orlando descends upon him to seize the advantage. He drops down behind the kneeling Adams, hooks his arm and then signals for the MMA elbows.

Mark: How appropriate would this be? Orlando going for the MMA elbows to Jackson’s head.

May: Yuck. I hate cruel irony.

Orlando lifts his elbow into the air and is on the verge of ramming it into Jackson’s temple when Adams suddenly drops to his side and shoots his shin straight up into Cruze’s face. The kick connects with enough force to severally rattle Orlando’s brain and send him crashing to his back.

Comeau: Oh no, oooooh no!

May: We knew it was only a matter of time before Adams would strike Cruze’s skull. Don’t act so surprised.

Mark: I knew Orlando couldn’t protect his head forever, but it doesn’t make this anymore bearable.

The startled crowd watches as Orlando rolls to his eyes, eyes batting as he desperately tries to remain coherent. He slaps his palm against his forehead several times, attempting to get his brain focused. Jackson doesn’t make it any easier for him. He swoops in behind Cruze, takes him around the neck, leads him to his feet then charges him across the ring.

Before Orlando can get a hand up to protect himself he’s driven face first into the top turnbuckle pad. A loud screech emanates from the horrified fanbase, forced to watch Orlando’s injured head take a vicious impact with the corner.

Comeau: And now he hits the corner as well. Does Jackson have any remorse whatsoever?

May: You can’t have remorse if you want big wins at this big level.

Orlando looks very dazed, barely coherent as he rests his shoulder against the turnbuckle. His eyes listlessly roll to the back of his head, his injury re-aggravated by this unsportsmanlike assault. Jackson isn’t through yet, by no means, he’s just getting started. The Submission Champion steps to the center of the ring then turns towards his ailing opponent who is now kneeling against the turnbuckle.

Jackson audaciously throws his arms out to his sides, calling for the crowd to show him some appreciation for what he is about to do. Instead the crowd reacts venomously, verbally lashing out at the Generation Now representative. He takes just one moment to address them, a costly moment.

Jackson: I forgive you. One day you’ll see that what I do here tonight is for your own good.

Although he tries to rationalize with them the crowd still verbally skewers the Submission Champion. He finally turns back towards the ailing Orlando, who’s tender head has a targeted painted on. Adams slaps his knee to groans from the crowd, who realize he’s on the verge of introducing it to Orlando’s skull. Without a hint of emotion Adams barrels across the ring and prepares to deliver the career ending maneuver.

To the surprise of the masses though Orlando stands up, bends forward and catches the inbound Jackson’s ribcage against his shoulder. He now backdrops Jackson right over the ropes, sending him crashing to the out….wait, no, Adams grabs the top rope and sails over, landing on the apron feet first.

Mark: Orlando avoiding what may have been a career ending move there but he needs to WATCH OUT!

Adams reaches over the ropes and grabs Orlando by the ears, dragging him backwards into the ropes. The crowd collectively grimaces as Adams prepares to drop down from the apron and yank the back of Orlando’s skull into the top rope in the process.

That plan is thwarted by the surprisingly resilient Icon. He reaches out and grabs Jackson’s hands, pulling them away from his ears then spinning around only to receive a stiff right hand directly between the eyes. The shot knocks Orlando back and down to his knees. He looks near comatose at this point, the fight knocked right out of him.

Comeau: A crippling right hand connects with Orlando’s skull. He’s totally out of it after that right hand.

May: I’m surprised he had enough left to counter Jackson at all.

Adams now steps across the apron, going for plan B, which involves scaling the nearby turnbuckle.

Tim: Jackson headed to high ground.

Mark: I shudder to think of what he’s setting up for here. You know it’s going to be a move that targets Orlando’s head.

Jackson overlooks the screaming fans, taking his eyes off of Orlando for just a second, secure in the fact that he has the Icon right where he wants him. That thought is dashed the moment Orlando charges up the turnbuckle to the middle rope, grabs Jackson around the waist and pulls him off the top with an super release belly to belly suplex.

The fans erupt with loud screams as Jackson flies half way across the ring and finally crashes back first into the canvas.

Mark: What a suplex by Orlando Cruze!

May: How the hell did he just do that? I thought he was crippled for Christ sakes.

Mark: Orlando has made a career out of defying the odds, and it seems that he’s continuing that trend here tonight.

Although he delivered a move that can simply be described as AWE inspiring, Orlando is unable to follow up. He lies strewn across the canvas, his head teeming with pain. As Orlando tries to shake the bats out of his belfry, Jackson is utilizing this time wisely, crawling desperately into another turnbuckle, this time using it as a crutch to aid his ailing body. The top rope belly to belly has left him almost incapacitated but somehow, thanks primarily to the ropes, Jackson is able to steady himself on both feet.

At the same time Orlando is employing the opposite turnbuckle to stand up, getting both of his feet under him before turning his glossy gaze towards the prone Adams. Although his vision is a little blurry Orlando heads for what he believes to be his target, looking to take advantage after that sensational suplex. He rushes right into the raised boot of Adams, the crowd again squealing as he takes ANOTHER blow to the head.

Mark: Oh GOD, a shot to the head! Orlando cannot take many more of these.

May: I think that was the last one he COULD tolerate. Look at ‘em. He looks like Lindsey Lohan on a Saturday night.

Cruze stumbles around incoherently, looking intoxicated. To the crowd’s disbelief and Jackson’s awe, Orlando is STILL standing. His knees begin to buckle but he balances himself just as Jackson rushes out of the corner to do further damage on the already injured skull via a lariat. Orlando suddenly side steps the inbound bicep though and catches his arm, forcing the Submission Champion down to the canvas and going for the crossface.

May: You’ve got to be pulling me by my hairy scrotum! He’s goin for the crossface!?! Doesn’t he realize he should be dead already?

Mark: Orlando apparently hasn’t got that memo, Tim, he’s still fighting….oh wait a minute.

Tim: Spoke too soon, hahahaha.

In the midst of establishing a hold that has forced many submissions in the past all the strength leaves Orlando’s arms. They slide off of Jackson’s shoulder and fall to his side, the Icon’s eyes starting to roll to the back of his head.

Mark: This is just tough to watch.

May: Orlando has lost it after that last shot to the brain. It’s about time his body caught up with it.

Those fans who weren’t already standing now rise to their feet, mouths covered in fear for Orlando’s condition. Jackson quickly takes advantage by rolling to his side, hooking Orlando’s arms and then pulling him over into the crucifix pinning predicament.

Tim: And he’s got the roll up for the pin.

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2

To the utter disbelief of every fan in attendance Orlando actually gets a shoulder up.

May: WHAT!?!

Jackson sits up on the canvas, lip quivering with anger, realizing that in spite of a major head injury Orlando STILL won’t stay down. After the kick out Cruze falls to his elbows and knees only to be quickly snatched by the wrist, which is used to drag him to his feet before being yanked forward into a gruesome lariat to the face. Orlando is sent right back down to the canvas, his head whiplashing from the ring.

Mark: Now a lariat, a friggin lariat right to the head. Does Jackson not realize what he’s doing here?

May: Realize, yes, care, no.

With Orlando down on the canvas clutching at his wounded skull the Submission Champion leaps in to seize control. His knee is driven directly to Orlando’s face, sending the Icon into convulsions.

Comeau: Now a knee drop right on the head, stop it Adams, STOP IT!

The referee pulls Jackson back so that he can check on the condition of Orlando Cruze. However, Adams simply tosses him aside and waits for the Icon to sit back up. Orlando gets to his seat when Jackson leaps forward and nails him with another lariat, knocking the back of his head into the canvas with extreme force.

Mark: Dammit ref, stop this. It’s going too far.

Those in attendance are screaming for the referee to do something or for Orlando to simply stay down, taking into full account the measure of the Icon’s head injuries. Jackson also takes this knowledge into consideration, motivating him to continue assaulting his opponent’s one Achilles heel.

Its at this point that Adams backs away and finally allows the official to do this job. Surprisingly Jackson would be content with winning the match via referee stoppage, in spite of his many holier-than-thou claims headed into this confrontation. The official steps in and checks on Orlando, looking down into his eyes, surveying his condition.

Comeau: Good ref, just stop this, just please stop this match before it goes any further.

The referee takes one look at the vacant gaze of Orlando and then turns to call for the bell. However, Orlando suddenly reaches out and catches the ref’s arm, holding it back.

Orlando: Don’t you stop this match dammit, don’t you stop this!

Clearly the official is conflicted but duty bound to follow the orders of his boss. He steps back pleading with Orlando to reconsider just as Jackson rushes across the ring roaring like a primal animal then driving his boot right into Orlando’s temple. The stiff kick results in an outcry from the terrified fans, who are forced to watch Orlando tumble slowly to the canvas. He falls onto his elbow, which surprisingly props him up just as saliva begins to seep from the corner of his mouth.

Adams steps in to continue permanently debilitating the Icon when he’s grabbed by the shoulder and spun around. The referee gets in his face, pleading with him to leave Orlando be and call off the match. A furious Adams points repeatedly at the near comatose Icon.

Adams: You heard the man!

He gently shoves the referee back then turns towards Orlando, crouching in anticipation.

Mark: Dammit ref, don’t listen to Orlando, he’s not in the right mind. And certainly don’t listen to Jackson Adams. Call this match off Fitzpatrick, do what your training has taught you to do.

May: He’s being a good employee. Although Orlando sold his stocks he’s still the boss until the new owner gets here. So the ref has got to do as he’s told.

Comeau: But it might be at the expense of Orlando’s life and that takes precedence over…NOOO!

Orlando has sat up on instinct only to be drilled to the face with another big running boot from Adams. The kick knocks Orlando to his spine with enough force to send the back of his skull slapping into the canvas.

Mark: That’s it, call off the match or I will. Give me a towel Tim.

May: I’m duty bound not to….

Mark: You don’t give a damn about duty, it’s why you were fired and replaced.

May: Well now that I’m back I plan on being a model employee.

Mark: Don’t give me that shit.

The drama escalates inside of the ring as Jackson backs into one of the turnbuckles, now just admiring his handiwork. He stands back and watches Orlando struggle in the center of the ring. The Icon listlessly drifts to his side, resting on a shoulder as blood begins to dribble from his nostril. His eyes flicker, trying to remain open, clinging to his last shred of conscious thought.

While Fitzpatrick shows emotion via genuine concern, Adams displays not one inkling of emotion, good or bad. Finally the official’s hand has been forced, unwilling to be a party to such a sacrifice in the center of the ring here at Paranoia. He turns and begins to call for the bell when he feels something clasping at his pants leg. He glances down to see Orlando’s hand clasping hold of his uniform.

Mark: What are you doing Orlando, let him call for the bell.

May: He has too much pride, which in the end is gonna literally lead to his downfall.

The referee bends down and pleads with Orlando to let him call this match off.

Orlando: Don’t you ring that bell…bell…bell, that’s an ORDER!

The crowd cannot almost see Fitzpatrick’s heart sinking. He throws his hands into the air in a huff, at a complete loss for what he should do. All he can do is watch Orlando use his pants leg to drag himself up to a knee. It’s from this kneeling base that Cruze falls victim to a sleeper hold.

Adams sneaks in behind Orlando, wraps his arms around the Icon’s head, then yanks him back away from the official to the center of the ring.

Mark: No, not the sleeper hold, not the damn sleeper!

May: At least Jackson is being merciful.

Mark: You call this mercy?

More blood begins to seep from Orlando’s nostrils as his head is twisted and wrenched from side to side. Adams puts all his strength behind the submission and now even goes as far as to wrap his legs around Cruze’s waist. He falls back applying the sleeper and body scissors in tandem, completely grounding the Icon. Orlando’s eyes grow more and more vacant of thought and emotion with each passing second that he’s held in the sleeper.

Tim: Just go gently to sleep Orlando, believe me, it’s for the best.

Mark: Please Cruze, just tap out, just stop this before its too late.

Half of Orlando’s face begins to droop as his right arm goes completely limp, falling to the canvas. Emotion finally flushes the face of the Submission Champion as he feels the Icon slipping further and further away, brought to the brink.

Mark: He TAPPED, call for the bell, Fitzpatrick.

May: No he didn’t.

Mark: He did dammit, why isn’t someone ending this?

May: That’s precisely what Adams is doing right now.

Jackson squeezes just a little bit tighter, having Cruze completely at his mercy. All the blood rushes to Orlando’s skin, turning it purple at this point, the oxygen deprivation becoming more and more apparent. Fitzpatrick gets down to a knee and actually BEGS Orlando to submit, constantly inferring that this match isn’t worth his life.

Clearly Orlando would beg to differ, hence his refusal to just submit. Instead he’s content with slipping away. The official is almost too eager to grab his arm and lift it into the air, before letting it drop limply to the canvas.

Mark: There you go ref, now you can call for the bell.

May: He’s got to raise it two more times.

Some of Orlando’s fondest admirers and most staunch advocates begin chanting his name in the hopes that he will become the blazing phoenix rising from the ashes. It doesn’t seem to have the effect they had hoped for, evident by Orlando’s arm falling from the ref’s clutches and hitting the canvas for a second time. Jackson puts a little more emphasis behind the hold, ensuring that Orlando’s arm will make that one final fall to the ring.

Fitzpatrick steps in to make the confirmation, raising the arm into the air and holding it there for only a moment. He quickly lets go and leaps back, watching the arm gently coast towards the ring. He is in the middle of calling for the bell when he sees Orlando’s fist spring up and shoot towards the heavens. Fitzpatrick’s shoulders slouch to his hips.

Mark: No Orlando, no!

May: He still wants to fight, so be it.

Jackson’s whole perception of reality crumbles when he’s sees the fist rising above. He is further disillusioned by Orlando sitting up on the canvas, Adams standing behind him still stooped forward into the sleeper.

Jackson: This isn’t what you want Orlando, just give up. Don’t make me take this any further!

Orlando is not one to listen to reason, no matter how beneficial it would be to his own health. He puts a knee under his body and begins rocking from side, one of his fist pumping out to his side, the other still hanging limp.

Tim: Am I actually seeing this?

Mark: You are Tim, but much like yourself, I can’t believe this is happening.

Adams squeezes with even less remorse than before, now TRYING to keep Orlando down. In spite of Jackson’s renewed motivation, Orlando still keeps fighting, putting one foot under him and then using it to force himself to his feet.

Bloodied nose, brain damage and all Orlando gets to his feet and begins to desperately fight his way out of the hold. That’s before he’s clobbered to the back of the head with a straight punch from Adams.

Mark: Damn him, damn you Adams.

May: What? Everything he’s doing to Orlando is legal. Cruze agreed to the terms of this match, too late for him to start whining about them.

Comeau: Don’t be ridiculous.

Orlando falls to his knees as the crowd falls into their seats, heartbroken by what they’re witnessing. Adams gives them further cause to fall into a deep depression, forced to watch him slip his kneepad down around his ankle and slap his exposed knee.

Mark: Give me that towel dammit!

May: NO!

Without any further delay Adams barrels across the ring and drives his exposed kneecap right into Orlando’s temple. The stiff running knee causes Orlando to slowly fall back before hitting the canvas, body strewn lifelessly across the ring.

Comeau: I’m gonna ring the bell myself.

Tim: Stay in your seat.

Jackson kneels on the canvas beside a completely unconscious Cruze before taking his time by making the cover. He falls back first across Orlando’s stomach and slowly lifts his hooked leg into the air, interlocking his hands around the knee. The official looks truly crestfallen as he sinks to the ring and lifts his palm into the air. He hesitates for several moments before hitting the ring to finally end this emotional roller coaster.

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2

Orlando kicks out!

Comeau: Orlando……please!

May: And the stupid son of a bitch kicks out.

Adams’ lower lip juts outward as his eyes fill with emotion. He looks to be at a complete loss for words and thought as he sits still on the canvas. He rolls away from Orlando, getting to a knee and watching Cruze squirm on the canvas. With a shake of his head Adams slowly rises to his feet, backing into a corner where he waits for Orlando to sit up.

Once again his hand slaps his knee to symbolize what he has in store for the Icon.

Jackson: If you get up your going to regret it, Orlando.

Fitzpatrick pleads with Orlando to stay on the canvas, telling him that his life may depend on it. Although the severity of the message is relayed it fails to strike a cord with Cruze, who stubbornly pushes himself onward, trying to stand up. He can’t even get his legs under him, they feel like completely jello, wiggling under his frame like palm trees in a hurricane.

The crowd just can’t believe what they’re seeing as Orlando plants a knee to stabilize himself. Jackson’s head drops, chin touching his chest, realizing what it has come to. He finally looks up, tilts his head and shrugs before rushing out of the corner and diving knee first towards Orlando’s head.

The crowd prepares themselves for the worse but are surprised by the best scenario possible when Orlando shoots to his feet, catches Adams across the chest and heaves him into a ring shaking Rock Bottom.

Mark: The Rock Bottom!?!

May: I think I may have just shat myself.

Cruze is far too debilitated to follow up on the pin. He lies motionless on the canvas, eyes still fluttering on the verge of unconsciousness.

May: He just pulled off a shocker, but can he perform a miracle? In order to do so he’s GOT to pin Adams and he’s GOT to do it NOW.

Mark: Truer words have never been spoken.

To the delight of the masses Orlando shows signs of life, indicating this Rock Bottom was not some rare spontaneous muscle memory. He turns ever so slowly to his side before dropping his arm across Jackson’s heaving chest.

Mark: We are going to get that miracle and it’ll happen right now.

The official’s palm strikes the canvas to a reaction that borders on deafening.

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2

Suddenly Jackson’s shoulder leaps from the canvas, resulting in a outpouring of screams from an absolutely shocked crowd.

May: I think this event is about to give the fans here a heart attack.

Mark: I’m more concerned about my own health. The matches here tonight have put my physical well being in serious jeopardy.

Tim: Adams kicks out, which pretty much makes this whole thing academic. There’s no way Orlando can pull off another Rock Bottom.

Comeau: Exactly, wait, what the hell is this?

The screen becomes cut in half, one side still providing footage of the exhilarating match between Adams and Cruze while the opposite side provides a live feed from the parking garage. A beefy individual squeezed into a suit two sizes too small, approaches the back door of the limo and slowly opens it.

Mark: That’s our new co-owners limo. Are they coming out now?

May: Why are they waiting till now to do it? I think I might be having a panic attack.

Mark: Calm down, Tim, I’m sure there’s….oh come on!

Suddenly the feed from the parking lot is cut, still leaving the new owner’s identity a mystery.

Comeau: I’m upset that we were just teased with a reveal yet again, but at the same time I’m happy there’s nothing distracting us from the drama in the ring.

It takes all of Orlando’s strength to drag himself to his feet. A small trail of blood can be seen oozing forth from his nostril and over his upper lip. He shakes his head, trying to fight off the effects of the numerous blows inflicted on his skull. In spite of the injuries he drags Adams up towards his knees before eventually getting him on his feet. That’s when Jackson grabs Cruze around the back of the head and drops down into a jaw breaker.

Mark: NO! Another shot to the head! Cruze can’t take any more of these dammit.

Cruze’s head snaps back and he goes stumbling into the ropes, falling against them for support. Somehow he remains upright as Adams stands up in front of him then comes barreling in. Shockingly Orlando steps out of the ropes and throws his arm across Jackson’s chest, setting up for another Rock Bottom.

That’s when Adams drives his elbow right into the back of Orlando’s badly injured head.

Tim: Alright Adams, you can show a little remorse fella.

Mark: Adams breaking up the Rock Bottom by going after the head AGAIN.

Orlando doubles over where he’s putting in a front chancery. Jackson shows absolutely no hesitance as he snaps back into the evenflow DDT. The top of Cruze’s skull hits the canvas with devastating effects and he goes flipping over to his back yet again.

Mark: DDT right on the head….this is just, just SICK. Pin him, Adams, please just pin him.

Jackson sits up on the canvas, appearing highly upset that this match has lasted longer than he ever thought it would. The disgruntled Adams rises to his feet, stepping over the laid out Cruze then throwing his arms out to his sides, slicing the air with both hands.

Adams: THAT’S IT! Time for you people to see the REAL Orlando Cruze!

His hands wrap around the back of Cruze’s neck as he is led to his knees, both arms slowly hooked.

May: He’s not gonna….he’s going for that modified Angel’s Wings.

Comeau: This is no way for Orlando’s legacy to end. After everything the man has achieved throughout his career, this is how his legacy will conclude?

To make matters all the more disturbing Jackson takes his thumb and slowly does the classic cut throat taunt that makes the fans want to riot. Once his thumb reaches his earlobe Jackson becomes frozen, unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to so much as think. He is absolutely paralyzed by the music that is hitting the PA system.

May: What is….no….hold it…..can’t be….it just can’t be.

Mark: Am I hearing what I think I’m hearing?

The opening chords of the classic “Paint it Black” Rolling Stones song has the crowd going into convulsions. The moment that Desolation’s feet crash down on the stage almost every seat in the building is emptied, everyone leaping to their feet.

Comeau: It is, it’s DESOLATION!

May: It can’t….don’t tell me…..HE’S the new owner?

The fans are going absolutely bonkers over Desolation’s arrival. They bask in the image of the Dark Man, the IWC LEGEND adorned in a black t-shirt with a tie drawn down the front of it. They especially revel in the fact that he’s holding a microphone in hand, no doubt about to drop another bombshell.

Desolation: JA…JA….JA….having a bit of deja-vu are we? I mean, I’m not the first former World Champion, something you’ll never have the distinction of being, who has come out and shat all over your parade by announcing themselves the new head honcho.

The crowd justifiable erupts while Adams stews, shaking down to his very bones. He does not like what he’s witnessing, nor does he care for the reference to AWOL’s announcement several years ago at Extinction, which interrupted a milestone in his career.

Desolation: Listen Jacky, I know you had this grand idea of beating on the handicap in front of a world wide viewing audience, I guess that puts asses in the seats, but after everything that Orlando and I have done to each other, well, it just seems really anti-clamatic that YOU would be the one to put him on the shelf permanently. Something about that makes my skin crawl. So I’m gonna make this a bit more fair. In other words I’m pretty much gonna fuck you over, and HARD.

Jackson’s whole face flushes with emotion.

Desolation: So as if this moment, this match is now no disqualifications AAAAAND it’s a handicap match….

Jackson: WHAT!?!

Desolation: And to further my own ego, allow me to introduce to you, Cruze’s partner, a certain toothless box head your very familiar with…..

PAIN

The roof nearly comes off of the Windsor Armory as Jackson goes spastic in the center of the ring. He is up in arms over what is happening here. He’s so enraged in fact that he doesn’t even realize that Nathan Creed has slipped into the ring behind him to a standing ovation from the crowd.

May: This is insane….

Mark: Desolation is the NEW co-owner of the IWC, and his first act is dropping a bombshell on us and….LOOK, it’s Nathan….Nathan Creed!

Tim: Look at Jackson, look out.

Adams is in the midst of swearing revenge on Desolation before Nathan rushes up behind him, interlocks his arms around his waist then drops back into the German suplex. The fans pop as the back of Jackson’s head hits the canvas with force. Nathan rolls to his side, stands up and drags Adams to his feet before snapping back into a SECOND German suplex. He then rolls to his feet, pulling Jackson along for the trifecta. The two reach their feet when Adams deprives the crowd the joy of such a sight by driving the point of his elbow into Nathan’s temple.

Tim: Creed got the drop on Adams but Jackson is able to fight him off, thank goodness.

Mark: I’m still hyperventilating out of sheer shock here.

Creed looks discombobulated by the blow but is able to plant his feet just as Jackson turns around and swings his arm into a lariat. Nathan ducks, catches Adams around the head from behind then delivers the modified Eye of the Hurricane. The Total Domination connects with enough force to drive Jackson down to the canvas at break neck speed.

Jackson pops up to his seat looking dumbfounded before he’s pulled by the shoulder to the ring.

Mark: And Creed hits his finisher…

May: Now what the hell is he doing>

With Adams down and motionless, caught completely off guard by Nathan’s offensive flurry, there’s nothing he can do as Creed grabs Orlando by the wrist and drags his arm over Jackson’s chest.

Tim: You’ve got to be kidding me, this is not how its gonna end, it can’t….it just, it just, can’t!

The whole building rumbles as the official drops down and makes the count. A grin stretches further and further across Desolation’s face as he watches the ref’s hand slap the canvas.

Mark: Desolation and Nathan Creed have engineered the ultimate surprise for Jackson Adams.

Tim: More like the ultimate screw job, kick out Adams, KICK OUT!

The referee’s count in emphatic.

1

2

3

There is much rejoicing to be had in the Windsor Armory after Orlando pins Adams in the center of the ring.

Mark: He’s DONE IT! Orlando Cruze has just defeated Jackson Adams!

May: I call HORSE-SHIT!

Mark: Orlando victorious, he’s VICTORIOUS!

The fans shower Cruze with cheers as Nathan swoops in beside his partner, grabs him by the wrist and lifts his arm high into the air. Orlando bobs back and forth on his knees, not even realizing that he just picked up the win in his final match. It isn’t until Creed helps him to his feet and hears his entrance music blaring through the PA system that it finally hits him. He suddenly breaks out into laughter.

Desolation nods on the stage before dropping the microphone and backing slowly through the ropes, getting one last glimpse of his former protégé celebrating this monumental victory.

Mark: Ladies and gentlemen we are witnessing one of the biggest moments in Paranoia history. Orlando Cruze has defeated Jackson Adams thanks to the intervention of new co-owner Desolation and Orlando’s long time tag team partner, Nathan Creed.

May: I’m so conflicted by my emotions right now, I swear I feel menstrual.

The celebration wages on as Orlando continues to lean against Creed for support, the two turning in circles with their arms raised high in victory. Nathan steps back and does a Scott Hall inspired finger point towards the victorious Icon. He steps back to catch Orlando who almost lost his footing. In the midst of this gesturing and pomp, Jackson rolls under the ropes, backing up the ramp with his lower lip quivering in rage.

Mark: This is what Paranoia is all about, moments like these.

May: Yeah, moments like these make me glad I only signed on for a one night appearance.

Orlando can barely do it, but he can’t deny the fans the honor of seeing him perform his trademark taunt, therefore he scales the nearest turnbuckle and lifts a fist high into the air. The reception he receives is deafening.

Mark: We have just witnessed a moment that will transcend time itself. This was a surprise none of us could have seen coming. Desolation is our new owner, Nathan Creed reinstated, and despite all the odds, Orlando has beaten Adams here ton….hold that thought, something is happening backstage.

May: AGAIN?

Comeau: Apparently there is some sort of scuffle backstage involving Christian Savior….

THE TRUTH AT LAST

Katie: Hit him again!

Despite a valiant effort Christian is knocked from his hands and knees to his side, thanks to one well placed kick to the ribs by Katelyn Buehler.

Mark: Why….what!?! The Five Star Society is attacking Savior. I thought they were aligned with him.

May: It was all a deceptive ploy.

Rich mounts Savior’s chest and begins to punch him over and over again, driving his knuckles into the Rising Phoenix’s face and making some truly disparaging comments in the process.

Jon: Did you really think we’d side with you? Huh? HUH!?!

Another right hand blacks Savior’s eye and leaves him virtually incapacitated. He has no defense against Paris Dannon, who comes into the scene holding a steel chair. She forks the weapon over to the Goddess of Desire.

Comeau: Oh no, what are they going to do with that chair?

Katie lifts the steel above her head then drives it down right over Christian’s injured arm. Savior roars in pain but he has yet to experience the full agony of this betrayal. Buehler grabs him by the wrist and stretches his black and blue arm out over the concrete. Steward steps in and swings the chair with violent, bone breaking force right across his bicep.

May: NOOOO!

All Christian can do is writhe in agony. He convulses across the concrete gripping at his swelling limb, one that he cradles close to his chest.

Mark: The Five Star Society has just double crossed Savior and they may have broken his arm in the process.

May: How the hell is he gonna compete now?

The pain shooting throughout Christian’s arm is indescribable. The brutality of that last shot may have been all it takes to completely ruin his chances at winning the IWC World Championship here tonight.

Comeau: Christian looks seriously injured. What does this mean for our main event?

MATCH ADVERT

The N.H.B Title shines over Riggs’ shoulder as he stares menacingly through the bangs of his long black hair. The camera cuts to Too Magnificent who is shadow boxing in frame. Finally the two are juxtaposed shoulder to shoulder.

Tim: I guess the show must go on…

Mark: I’m finding it a bit difficult to seamlessly transition from what we just saw backstage to hyping this N.H.B Title match. However, this match DESERVES our utmost focus, especially after everything these two have put each other through over the past year.

May: It’s been a long violent history between Riggs and Too Magnificent, let’s go back and show you all how this came about.

PATH OF DESTRUCTION

A white fog seems to surround the screen where an image of Suzie Clover is captured lying stretched across the ground, EMTs and Riggs gathered around her. She seems to be in pretty bad shape, sprawled at the foot of a long flight of stairs.

Riggs: Too Magnificent, when you put your hands on Suzie, you changed things, and now there’s no going back.

A shot of Riggs can be seen watching the Cartel-tron with wide eyes. The reason for his alarm becomes obvious when Too Magnificent’s face appears on the big screen, holding Clover high above his head. The camera pulls back to reveal that he is positioned precariously at the top of a flight of stairs.

Too Magnificent: You didn’t think there would be ramifications for your actions, Riggs. Well you were wrong. You thought you could just attack me and get away with it scott free? It doesn’t work like that.

A compilation of clips quickly flash across the screen showing Riggs and Psycho viciously mauling Too Magnificent. Scenes such as Riggs spitting a fireball into Too Magnificent’s eyes and assaulting him with a steel chair are relived.

Too Magnificent: If you want to save Suzie, you’ll come back here and fight me man to man. I’m challenging you to a match…..

Suzie’s piercing scream can be heard as she begins to slip from Too Magnificent’s palms.

Riggs: You want me one on one, we’ll do it at Paranoia VII, and to coax you into accepting my challenge I’ll even put the N.H.B Title on the line….

Riggs is captured in the center of the ring, mic in one hand and the N.H.B belt in the other. There is a quick black and white shot of a bloodied Too Magnificent lifting the N.H.B Title above his head before cutting to Riggs making the exact same gesture with the championship.

Riggs: For every step you threw her down I will exact a pound of your flesh.

The following clips pertain once again to Too Magnificent slowly letting Clover slip from his palms as he threatens to send her toppling down the steps.

Riggs: For every cut and bruise I will drain an ounce of your blood.

Mayne: Oh MY GOD, don’t do it Too Magnificent.

The proceeding footage captures Too Magnificent standing on top of a hell in a cell, Clover raised above his head in a gorilla press.

Riggs: You will NEVER put your hands on her again.

Mayne: He may have just killed Clover.

A variety of camera angles show Suzie being thrown from the top of the cell where she crashes down into the feuding factions below.

Riggs: You will NEVER hold this N.H.B Title.

The belt is shown draped over Too Magnificent’s forearm as he leans his bloodied face against the gold plate. It now switches to Riggs stepping to the ring with the championship around his waist.

Too Magnificent: Suzie got off light for her transgressions, you won’t be so lucky.

Another clip showcases a mortified Riggs kneeling beside Clover who is stretched across the floor. It then cuts to Too Magnificent tossing her off the top of Hell in a Cell yet again.

Too Magnificent: We’ve put each other through a lot, Riggs.

The two bitter rivals are shown coming face to face. The video switches to Too Magnificent leaning with his forearm against the tombstone of Riggs’ departed sister. It then cuts to him grabbing Clover by the throat with a goozle.

Riggs: We’re just getting started.

Riggs is blindsided from behind with a trashcan shot from Too Magnificent that sends him scrambling from the ring. An enraged Golden Goliath holds the microphone in his palm as he paces in the ring.

Too Magnificent: I accept your challenge at Paranoia VII….

The video cuts from Riggs twisted face to the grinning Too Magnificent leaning over the ropes and getting an eyeful of the Painted Warrior.

Mayne: These psychopaths have torn one another to pieces.

Riggs is shown driving a spike into Too Magnificent’s forehead before it cuts to the Golden Goliath driving a trashcan right between the eyes of his rival. The next image features Too Magnificent sliding into the ring as Riggs quickly escapes, evading the wrath of his nemesis.

Mayne: I shudder to think of what they’ll do to one another at Paranoia VII.

Too Magnificent and Riggs brawl in the middle of the ring, throwing fists between one another’s faces. Too Magnificent is now lying on his back, legs spread open so that Clover can swing a cane directly into his exposed testicles.

A blinding mist sprays from Riggs’ mouth right into Too Magnificent’s eyes. Redemption is had by Too Magnificent as he is shown delivering the chokeslam on Riggs, planting him violently in the center of the ring. The next clip showcases Too Magnificent throwing a screeching Clover off the top of Hell in a Cell before cutting to another shot of him chasing her into the crowd. Riggs is so distracted by this that he falls victim to a Chaos Theory from Zero before being pinned by the World Heavyweight Champion.

Too Magnificent: What we do to one another at Paranoia will be talked about and debated for years to come.

A harrowing image of Too Magnificent being thrown into a flaming dumpster can be seen before the video transitions to the Painted Warrior being thrown through a table.

Riggs: When we collide at Paranoia….

Riggs spitting a fireball into Too Magnificent’s face.

Too Magnificent: When we face off for my N.H.B Championship…..

Too Magnificent throwing Clover off of Hell in a Cell.

Too Magnificent & Riggs: There will be hell to pay.

The crowd pops and pops loudly as a golden explosions of pyrotechnics rock the entry way and Too Magnificent’s custom video hits the Cartel-Tron. Before the fans can so much as catch their breathe Too Magnificent is already strolling through the curtains like a man walking in the park. Out in front of him a grocery cart is pushed containing a bountiful bevy of weapons, everything from trashcans to street signs. He pauses to overlook all the fans screaming his name in adulation. Their reception brings a cold grin to his face before he begins pushing the cart down the ramp, headed into his biggest Paranoia match ever.

May: Looks like Too Magnificent took another of his trips to Home Depot and boy does he ever have a treasure trove of weapons.

Mark: I think he’s going to put each and every one of these weapons to use when he and Riggs collide here tonight in what promises to be the bloodiest match in Paranoia history. Just think about everything that these two have put each other through over the past year. Constant attacks, constant brawls, constant bloodbaths. It’s all been building to this auspicious night where the rivalry will finally end.

Tim: As long as they just stay the hell away from me I’ll be fine.

The cart is lifted to the apron and then over the ropes by Too Magnificent. He then enters the ring and slams his palms down on the trashcan to a rousing response from the crowd.

“The Sacrament” hits the PA system and results in a much different reception from the crowd. With his face obscured behind white paint and the bangs of his hair Riggs stomps to the stage, hand in hand with Suzie Clover. The N.H.B Championship graces Riggs’ waist and a look of utter menace inhabits his eyes. Clover looks highly emotional, chest heaving, eyes brimming with rage as she glares at the man who has tormented her over the past several weeks. As the Painted Warrior climbs to the apron he finds himself stunned that Too Magnificent would have the audacity to turn his back on him.

Mark: After a year of bloodbaths, flaming tables, flaming dumpsters, from behind attacks and unusual alliances, everything finally comes to a head right here at Paranoia VII. Riggs moments away from defending his N.H.B Title against Too Magnificent in what may be one of the most personal matches we see here tonight.

May: Yeah, Too Mag showing how personal it is right now. Look at the goof, he’s turning his back on Riggs.

Comeau: I never thought he’d be foolish enough to do something like that.

Riggs exchanges a quick glance with Clover who remains on the apron, the two debating why Too Magnificent would have the audacity to expose his back. The big man is in the midst of searching through the treasure trove of weapons gathered in the shopping cart, trying to find just the right one. This opportunity is just too much for Riggs to pass up.

He extends his palm and Suzie removes a railroad spike from between her cleavage, forking it over. Riggs grips the spike tightly then barrels across the ring, rearing back on the weapon just as Too Magnificent spins around and bashes him straight in the skull with a trashcan.

May: Ohhh my, trashcan already coming into use.

Comeau: Too Magnificent, much like a spider, just lured the fly into his web.

Too Magnificent lifts the can into the air and mangles Riggs’ face with the steel a second time. This shot is enough to send Riggs tumbling to his back but not for long. He’s already scrambling towards his feet only to end up in the clutches of the Golden Goliath, who takes him by the back of the head, charges him across the ring and then throws him down to the canvas.

Riggs slides across his stomach as the momentum carries him under the ropes, sends him flipping forward and ultimately crashing back first with force against the thin protective mats.

Tim: Didn’t take long for this match to loose all semblance of order.

Mark: I’m surprised you were expecting any in the first place.

The crowd is firmly behind Too Magnificent, especially as he turns his gaze from one target and settles on another. Suzie Clover noticeably gulps as she becomes Too Magnificent’s focal point.

May: Ohhhhhh no.

Comeau: Too Magnificent looks bloodthirsty, and it’s Suzie Clover’s blood he wants to drop.

Tim: Suzie, this is the part where you run around screaming then fall over, break your ankle, and give the monster just enough time to catch up with you.

The menacing Magnificent descends upon Clover, who wisely leaps from the apron and begins to back peddle around the ring. Too Magnificent slips through the ropes and continues to pursue his prey. As Clover backs up she threatens the Magnificent one over and over again, warning him what will happen if he goes through with his actions.

Her threats bring a grin to Too Magnificent’s lips, but ultimately leave him distracted to a much greater peril. He doesn’t even see that Riggs has slid into the ring, or more importantly that he’s now barreling across it before diving over the top rope into a flip.

Too Magnificent looks up just as Riggs comes crashing down into his shoulder with a senton pancha. The crowd comes unglued at the glimpse of the Painted Warrior going airborne before ultimately colliding with his foe.

Mark: Riggs makes the save by throwing HIMSELF into Too Magnificent. I don’t know what Riggs was even thinking allowing Suzie to come out here with him.

May: I imagine she’s not one who is so easily told what to do.

The fans are slapping the barricades and standing after that last jaw dropping leap from the Painted Warrior. He and Too Magnificent struggle towards their feet with the Champion being the first to stand. He immediately delivers a swift kick to Too Magnificent’s sternum, standing him upright before taking him by the back of the head, charging him across the mats and driving the big man’s skull into the exposed turnbuckle post.

Too Magnificent’s head snaps back and he goes twisting towards the announce table, falling spine first against it.

May: Ohhh lord here they come. I didn’t sign that new contract to just become another part of the action.

Mark: Let’s hope they take this brawl elsewhere.

Riggs swoops in, takes Too Magnificent by the hair, yanks back on his head and then drives him skull first into the surface of the announce table. The menacing Magnificent One staggers back into Riggs’ clutches before being slammed skull first into the announce table for a second time.

The blows to the skull leave him noticeably rattled, his brain smacking off the walls of his skull. Riggs continues to exploit the announce table, now rolling the barely coherent Too Magnificent onto the surface of it.

May: This is not the time, nor the place to tuck Too Magnificent in.

Mark: I don’t like this. Where is he going now?

Tim: To get Too Magnificent a glass of warm milk?

Although he’s already aching from the shots with the trashcan, his equilibrium slightly skewed, Riggs begins the arduous task of climbing up one of the turnbuckles.

May: He is not about to….

Mark: I think that’s exactly what he’s about to do.

Riggs climbs higher and higher, ascending to the uppermost perch of the turnbuckle. The crowd grows more and more excited, watching Riggs about to soar from the top rope through the announce table and through his opponent.

The payoff isn’t what they expected as Too Magnificent suddenly sits up on the announce table and begins to climb to his feet.

May: Oh thank goodness.

Riggs watches with dejection as Too Magnificent now stands up on the announce table and points threateningly towards the champion. To everyone’s complete and utter shock Riggs does not deviate from his plan, he leaps off the top rope, soars through the air and catches a wide eyed Too Magnificent with a lariat that drags both men off the announce table crashing to the floor.

Mark: HOOOOOLLY SHIT!

May: Good lord!

The crowd is absolutely stunned by what they just witnessed, as if Clover, who watches with a dropped jaw. Riggs and Too Magnificent lie across the hard concrete floor after that truly death defying leap from the Painted Warrior.

Mark: Riggs just FLEW from the top rope and clotheslined Too Magnificent right off our announce table. That may have been the most spectacular thing I’ve ever witnessed.

May: I have never, ever seen anything quite so ignorant in my entire life.

The crowd is whipped up into a frenzy at the sight of Riggs risking his life to once again vanquish his massive foe. In spite of both men already suffering an assortment of nagging injuries relating to the suicidal dives committed they begin to struggle towards their feet. Riggs stands up and almost looses his balance, falling into the barricade where he lifts a fist to both jeers and cheers from the crowd.

He now puts the fist to use not for showmanship but for some physicality, slamming his knuckles into Too Magnificent’s temple. The golden goliath is almost taken down but Riggs grabs hold of a handful of hair and leads him up to his feet, eventually depositing him back into the ring.

Too Magnificent rolls to the center of the squared circle and Riggs slides in after him. He immediately crawls into the cover, both legs hooked for the three count.

1

2

A shoulder evades the canvas allowing Too Magnificent to stave off defeat.

Mark: After all these two have put each other through it’s gonna take a little more effort to put Too Magnificent away.

May: What more can he do after that last suicidal leap?

Suzie screams at Riggs and points to the grocery cart, compelling him to put some weapons to use. The Painted Warrior stands up and staggers towards the cart, quickly rifling through the assortment of goodies within. That’s when he finds a steel chair, dragging it out of the bevy of weapons then slamming it over the grocery cart.

May: Chair in hand. This could do some serious damage.

Mark: We’ve seen Riggs do some very creative and destructive things with chairs in the past.

Riggs approaches the nearest turnbuckle with the steel in hand and begins to wedge the chair between the top and middle rope. Once firmly planted in the corner Riggs turns towards his still reeling opponent, Too Magnificent already getting one foot under him. He is on the verge of standing when Riggs steps in and drills him to the cheek with a forearm strike.

The stiff shot knocks Too Magnificent back down to his elbows. He tries to get up only to be stomped hard to the back of the head. Riggs is clearly in firm control, a fact he makes more obvious when he takes Too Magnificent by the wrist, leads him up to his feet and then snatches a handful of hair.

He points towards the chair positioned in the corner and a diabolical smirk begins to inhabit his face.

May: We’re gonna see that chair used right now….

Too Magnificent is charged across the ring and is on the verge of being thrown skull first through the steel when he saves himself by wedging a hand to Riggs’ spine, pushing him off. Riggs charges into the turnbuckle but leaps into the air, landing on the middle rope. He then springs off, twists towards the upright Too Magnificent and drills him in the face with a flying buzzsaw kick.

May: NASTY kick from Riggs, right on point though.

Mark: Riggs continuing to control this match with the exception of that brief offensive flurry from Too Magnificent at the beginning. He just hasn’t been able to recover from that lariat that Riggs hit him with on our announce table.

Instead of going for the cover Riggs stands up and barks orders at Clover. A grinning Suzie nods in confirmation before reaching under the ring and grabbing a table.

May: Tables? Already?

Mark: Why not? These two are clearly not holding anything back.

Clover continues to drag the table out from under the ring and now begins to set it up while Riggs is preparing his own weapon. He reaches into his pocket and out of it he withdrawals a lighter. From his opposite pocket he extracts a silver flask.

Comeau: Don’t tell me….Riggs has got that flask, and he’s got a lighter.

May: Are we gonna see a little human torch action here?

Comeau: At 2 For 1 Special, Riggs eliminated Too Magnificent from the Underground Title Invitational by projecting a fireball into his eyes. I think he wants to repeat history here tonight.

Tim: And he’ll surely make some history by beating Too Magnificent with this very fireball.

The crowd pleads for Riggs not to do it but he turns a deaf ear to them. He takes a swig from the flask, swishes around the alcohol in the pockets of his mouth then slowly lifts a lighter to his lips, preparing to deliver the dreaded fireball. He turns slowly towards Too Magnificent, who is still struggling to reach his feet, now grabbing hold of the grocery cart to aid him.

Clearly the Magnificent One has no idea what is waiting for him, otherwise he would simply stay down. With a mouth full of alcohol Riggs steps forward and lifts the lighter to his lips, on the verge of delivering the fireball only to have Too Magnificent yank the grocery cart forward, ramming it directly into his opponent’s ribcage.

Riggs doubles over aspirating on the alcohol that went down the wrong pipe. He chokes and gasps for air while stretched over the bevy of weapons gathered in the cart. Too Magnificent keeps his rival stooped over the cart as he extracts another chair and then rams it over Riggs’ back.

The Painted Warrior is sandwiched between the chair and the weapons as Too Magnificent slams the steel against his spine over and over again.

May: This is a very bad position for Riggs to be in.

Mark: A position Too Magnificent is taking full advantage of. He’s just wearing Riggs out with that chair.

Another shot from the chair connects to Riggs’ upper back, followed by another, and then another. Too Magnificent steps back, nostrils flaring, skin changing to a dark red pigment before he steps in and delivers one last thunderous shot from the chair over Riggs’ upper spine. Riggs finally goes limp, putting all his weight across the cart and the weapons inside.

Suzie watches in horror as Too Magnificent puts the grocery cart to destructive use against her love once again. The N.H.B Champion is dragged completely across the surface of the cart, with his head now dangling over the front edge of it. Too Magnificent overlooks the crowd with a smirk on his face as he grabs the handle of the cart and begins to push it. He builds some serious momentum, the cart traveling at a great speed.

A confused and dazed Riggs realizes that he’s been driven forward and looks up just in time to see the steel chair his head is about to collide with. Riggs’ skull is driven through the chair that he placed in the turnbuckle moments earlier. The sound of the steel crunching around his skull echoes throughout the building and results in a chorus of cheers from the crowd.

May: That wasn’t a very pleasant ride.

Mark: Not for Riggs! His head driven right through that chair as Too Magnificent continues putting that grocery cart to some creative use.

Too Magnificent now pulls the grocery cart away from the mangled chair, bringing it to the center of the ring with Riggs hanging over the front of it. The challenger quickly grabs the champion around his waist and pulls him off of the cart into a gut wrench before letting him slip down his back.

He catches Riggs by the biceps then turns towards the center of the ring and sends him hurdling with a crucifix powerbomb. Riggs catches some tremendous height before ultimately crashing back first into the ring with tremendous force.

Mark: And now the crucifix powerbomb to top it all off. Too Magnificent should make the…now what does he have in store?

May: I hope it doesn’t involve the use of our announce table again, I’m too young and pretty to be unintentionally maimed.

Instead of going for the pin Too Magnificent takes Riggs around the neck and forces him up into yet another crucifix. The crowd cheers as Too Magnificent throws Riggs half way across the ring with yet another crucifix powerbomb. He comes crashing down from a tremendous height and leaves an impression of his mangled body in the canvas.

Comeau: A second crucifix, go for the pin already Too Mag. You probably have the title won at this point.

Although going for the pin would be the rational thing to do, Too Magnificent demonstrates that he could give two shits about what is considered rational. He takes Riggs by the hair and leads him up to his feet before eventually putting him into yet another crucifix powerbomb position. This time he turns towards the table that Suzie Clover set up outside of the ring and begins to get a running start.

Mark: He’s gonna powerbomb him right through that table!

Just as he is on the verge of sending Riggs plummeting through the wood and to his demise Suzie intervenes. She leaps to the apron and forms a barrier between Riggs and the table, frantically waving her hands through the air to get Too Magnificent’s full attention.

The Magnificent One seems almost hypnotized by the sight of Clover, who risks own well being to save her beloved. This distraction leads Too Magnificent to release Riggs, allowing his mangled body to fall to the canvas behind him. He slowly proceeds towards Clover who is still raising a ruckus, flapping her arms around, verbally threatening the Golden Goliath again and again.

Her arms and her lips don’t stop moving until she’s grabbed by the throat, the life being strangled from her body.

May: Haven’t you inflicted enough abuse on Clover yet? Leave the poor goth chick alone already.

Mark: Suzie put herself in harm’s way yet again and it’s going to cost her severally.

Suzie’s eyes widen with fear as Too Magnificent pulls her face close to his.

Too Magnificent: Let’s see how much your willing to sacrifice for your boy.

The gagging Clover is heaved into the air, on the verge of being chokeslammed right through the table behind her when a Singapore cane cracks Too Magnificent across the upper back. The crowd squeals as Suzie drops to her feet, clasping the top rope to keep from collapsing through the table at ringside.

Too Magnificent arches his back as he turns towards Riggs, who pilfered the cane from the grocery cart and now swings it into the big man’s ribs. The cane connects with enough force to double him over, the Golden One clutching at his battered mid-section.

Comeau: Too Magnificent is being worn out with those cane shots, and something tells me Riggs is just getting started.

The cane shoots out to Riggs’ side before being swung right into Too Magnificent’s ribcage. It connects but this time Too Magnificent catches the weapon, wrapping his arm around it. He stands up straight, burning a hole straight through Riggs with his soul piercing gaze.

The Painted Warrior desperately tries to reclaim control over the weapon but it’s all for not. Too Magnificent yanks on it and pulls his rival forward right into his clutches, catching him around the throat. Before Riggs can fight it he’s hoisted into the air, grabbed by the back of the pants and chokeslammed viciously into the canvas.

Mark: CHOKESLAM!

Tim: Now finish it you blithering idiot.

Too Magnificent looks on the verge of claiming championship gold, mere seconds from pinning the N.H.B Champion. Just as he crouches to go for the cover Clover leaps on his back, wrapping her arms around his throat, applying a sleeper hold.

Comeau: And Clover is getting involved AGAIN! She’s been a constant nuisance throughout this match.

May: She’s nagged Too Magnificent after every junction, and now she’s keeping him from making the cover.

The fans are just in their angry boos, all their fury directed at the meddling Clover as she drives the side of her fist repeatedly into the back of Too Magnificent’s head. He finally takes her by the hair and snaps Clover right over his shoulder posterior first into the canvas. A shockwave of pain tears through her spine, Suzie clutching at her kidneys and rolling across the canvas.

Tim: That takes care of that.

Mark: No, nuh-uh. After everything that Suzie has done in this match she’s in store for a lot more from Too Magnificent.

May: How dare ye be so bloodthirsty.

Comeau: YOUR actually calling ME bloodthirsty?

Just as Mark speculated, Too Magnificent isn’t about to let Suzie off that easy. He reaches into his collection of weapons and out of the pile removes a baseball bat wrapped in barbwire. In a gesture evocative of Babe Ruth calling his shot, Too Magnificent points the bat at an unaware Clover.

Tim: Is he gonna use that on, Suzie? Please tell me that’s not what he’s thinking.

Mark: I shudder at the thought of what Too Magnificent is thinking right now.

There is a gleam in Too Magnificent’s eyes, one of depraved intentions. Clover begins to stand up with the aid of the ropes when the bat connects with her spine and rips the flesh from her body.

May: He DID use it!

Mark: SICKENING!

The fans watch with enlarged eyes as Clover bows her back and falls through the ropes. All the while she screeches at the top of her lungs. There are shards of her shirt left dangling from the barbs of the bat in Too Magnificent’s hand, a weapon he intends to continue putting to barbaric use. He rolls out of the ring and continues to stalk Clover as she now crawls up the ramp, gripping at her lacerated spine.

Tim: He’s still after her with that bat. Run dammit, RUN!

Mark: Although Clover is use to piercings, I don’t think anything could prepare her for the pain of that shot. And for once, someone actually is taking you up on your advice, Clover is getting the hell out of here.

Suzie continues to crawl before finding her way to her feet. She barely has them under her before she starts running, moving as quickly as her mangled body will carry her towards the Cartel-tron. Too Magnificent continues to follow her step for step, stumble for stumble, quickly closing the gap between them.

Mark: Too Magnificent isn’t about to let Clover slink out of here with her tail between her legs.

Clover is not thinking clearly, evident as she falls into the steel support strut of the Cartel-tron then immediately begins climbing it. Too Magnificent actually stops, watching with a grin on his face as Suzie tries desperately to get away from him by climbing to higher ground.

Too Magnificent: You still haven’t learned….

Too Magnificent puts the handle of the bat between his teeth and uses both hands to grab the support, starting to climb it.

May: Big mistake, Suzie.

Mark: Perhaps the biggest she’ll ever make. Clover so desperate to get away from Too Magnificent and that baseball bat that she’s actually climbing the Cartel-tron, but Too Magnificent is going right up after her.

Tim: You think she wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

Comeau: That’s right. Clover TRIED to get away from Too Magnificent several weeks ago by climbing to the top of a Hell in a Cell, but low and behold, Too Mag got his hands on her and threw her off in a sight you’d have to see to believe.

Too Magnificent continues to climb hand over hand towards Clover. Suzie suffers a false sense of relief, taking a deep breath, thinking she’s gotten away from the vengeful giant. That is until she looks down and spots Too Magnificent mere inches from her feet. In desperation she begins to kick at Too Magnificent’s knuckles but he will not be knocked off, he keeps on climbing.

With Clover and Too Magnificent HIGH above the stage, almost at the top of the Cartel-tron, things start to get hairy. Although Suzie is punching down at the inbound Too Magnificent, he’s still fighting his way onward. Eventually Clover’s fists stop flying and now desperately claw at the hand that has a grip on her throat.

May: He wouldn’t. Not this, not this!

Mark: Too Magnificent is going to chokeslam Clover right off the top of the Cartel-Tron. He’s going to make her pay the ultimate price for interfering in this N.H.B Title bout. For standing between him and the belt he still believes to be his own.

Clover, try as she may, just can’t get free from Too Magnificent and now waits to take the fatal plunge down below. The only thing that stops her from meeting her maker is the chokehold now being applied on Too Magnificent. He releases Clover from the goozle then grabs at the piano string wrapped around his neck, being pulled down by Riggs who stands on the strut just behind him.

Mark: Riggs is up and he’s on the strut and he’s strangling Too Magnificent with a piano string. Where the hell did he get that?

May: My guess would be….a piano?

Comeau: It must be another weapon he had waiting in the pockets of his pants. Too bad the official is powerless to do anything about it’s use here tonight.

Too Magnificent looks at a loss for breathe as the cord digs deeper and deeper into his throat. All the color has faded from Too Magnificent’s face and his fingers begin to slip off the strut. Its at this point that Clover helps out her man in much the same way he helped her. She takes the barbwire bat out of Too Magnificent’s mouth and then wedges it against his forehead. The crowd squirms uncomfortably at the sight of Clover grating the barbwire against Too Magnificent’s flesh, ripping away hair follicles, rather it be his bangs or his eyebrows, and tearing into the flesh beneath.

May: How much longer can he hold on?

With blood seeping down his face and the air deprived to his brain Too Magnificent is simply unable to support his own weight any longer. His fingers slip off the strut and he goes tumbling way, way, WAY down into the stage. The wood and metal gives in and causes Too Magnificent to plummet straight down into the ground beneath.

Tim: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!

Mark: He went straight through the stage! Oh my….he came down from….the Cartel….the Cartel Tron. JESUS!

Too Magnificent is immobile, lying broken, warped, body dengerated and debilitated via the crash through the stage. Although he lies motionless the crowd stands emotional. They scream both his name and words synonymous with such insane high spots.

Fans: HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT!

Riggs slowly climbs down the strut and puts his feet on the edge of the hold left by Too Magnificent’s crash through the stage. His broken body lie over chunks of mangled steel and broken wood. Riggs looks to capitalize on the work of he and Clover, throwing aside the piano wire then dropping into the hole. He falls across the chest of the bloodied Too Magnificent, hooking his leg in the process.

May: Riggs has just retained his title…it took throwing Too Magnificent off the Cartel-Tron through the stage to do it, but hey, at least he’s retained.

The official drops down on the stage and begins slapping the steel. The breathless crowd watches as the Champion retains his title.

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3!

And after one of the most shocking moments in Paranoia history, Riggs has retained his N.H.B…..no, Too Magnificent KICKED OUT!

Mark: Okay….WOW.

May: Tell me he didn’t kick out. Tell me that’s not what I just saw.

Comeau: Deal with it, Mark, it was no hallucination. Although Too Magnificent should technically be knock, knock, knocking on Heaven’s Door, he’s still fighting for his life and his livelihood here tonight at Paranoia VII.

Riggs climbs out of the hole and slaps the steel stage with both hands, looking very frustrated that Too Magnificent kicked out even after taking that disturbing plunge through the stage. That’s before something dawns on him, his eyes racing to Suzie who is STILL on a high perch above him. His cheeks twitch as he forms a smile and a plan. Without uttering so much as a word Clover begins to position herself.

Mayne: No….no way.

Mark: What does Suzie Clover think she’s doing? Don’t you dare Suzie.

The baseball bat wrapped in barbwire is maneuvered under Clover’s forearm as she reaches back with her free hand keeping her on the strut. The fans are shaking their heads in disbelief. They can barely contain themselves when they watch Suzie leap off the strut, soar through the air and drop an elbow with the aid of the barbwire bat right across Too Magnificent’s blood smeared features.

May: NYAAAAAHHHH!

Comeau: CLOVER IS A MAD WOMAN!

Tim: She’s a psycho-bitch is what she is.

The crowd is jumping and teeming with excitement, overwhelmed by a surge of adrenaline at the image of Clover’s shocking leap and the devastating aftermath. Riggs stands back and watches, jaw slightly agape. It’s almost as if HE can’t even believe that Clover actually went through with it. He fights through his surprise long enough to fall into the hole and pull a screaming Suzie out of the way. Clover rolls away holding her forearm, which is lacerated by the barbwire, but nowhere near as badly cut up as Too Magnificent’s face.

Pints of blood are now gushing down the Challenger’s face, turning his white skin red. It’s about to get even more blood-soaked thanks to Riggs, who grabs the bangs of his blond hair and begins to deliver right hand after right hand to the deep lacerations in his forehead.

May: They’ve got him down, they’ve got him bloodied. Riggs and Clover have Too Magnificent right where they want him.

Mark: They do now, but the last thing you want to do is toy with Too Magnificent. The man is remarkably resilient.

Riggs takes Too Magnificent’s bloodied skull into hand and begins to drag the once Golden Goliath from the pit. He is thrown over the half broken wall to the concrete just off to the side of the stage, lying perpendicular to the intersection of the stage and the ramp. Riggs climbs up and out of the pit of broken wood and reaches the stage before backing across it, clutching at his kidneys all the while. He now turns around and gets a running start before leaping off the stage and connecting with a senton splash right on top of Too Magnificent’s ribs down below. Although his back is killing him, Riggs crawls towards the challenger and desperately hooks his legs.

May: Senton off the stage! That was the spot. That was the move to end this war. It has to be, it just has to be.

Mark: After Too Magnificent’s tumble through the stage, after Suzie’s elbow drop off the Cartel-tron with that baseball bat, and after Riggs’ senton off the stage, no mortal man should be capable of kicking out.

The referee’s hand hits the cement as the crowd chants along, also applauding Too Magnificent’s valiant attempts at reclaiming the title only to come up tragically short.

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NOOOOOOOOOOO!! Too Magnificent’s powers out of the cover, a shoulder escaping the cement at the very last conceivable second.

May: I think I’m loosing it.

Mark: ANOTHER KICK OUT! The bloodied, the broken, THE Too Magnificent continues to press on.

May: Too Magnificent has totally shattered my perception of reality with that kick out.

At this point the Painted Warrior is officially flipping out. He stands up and pie faces the official before delivering a swift kick that reverberates throughout the barricades. The fans leap back as he begins slapping the top of the barrier over and over again. It takes Clover’s screams to finally snap some sense into the Champion. He turns around with vengeful eyes as Clover assists him by already pulling Too Magnificent up to his seat one handed. Her other arm is cradled to her chest, still bleeding from the barbwire bat. She occasionally puts it to use by swinging a fist into Too Magnificent’s sliced open forehead, keeping the wound open.

Mark: This N.H.B Title mat….well….handicap match, continues. Too Magnificent still hanging in there despite of the two on one advantage.

A right hand drills the gashes in Too Magnificent’s bloodied face as Clover and Riggs take him under the arms and begin to drag him towards the ring. He doesn’t even have his feet under him, completely incapable of standing up at this point. The blows to the body and the loss of blood has all but completely debilitated the challenger who is slowly but steadily brought to the ring.

Finally his mauled, punctured and lacerated body is rolled under the ropes, finding himself in the center of the ring where his blood continues to flow. Although he is fighting an uphill battle against increasingly insurmountable odds, Too Magnificent pioneers onward, still TRYING to keep on waging the good fight.

The fight looks to be nearing an end if Riggs has anything to do about it. At the behest of Clover, he leaps to the apron and takes his time inching towards the turnbuckle. He climbs the outside of the corner post and then takes a long, twisted look at his mangled opponent.

There is a look of utter disrespect in Riggs’ eyes as he puts a foot on the top rope and rests his forearm on his knee.

Mark: Riggs making what I already speculated was a crucial error. When you got Too Magnificent down don’t waste time.

May: After the year these two have had, I think Riggs has earned the right to enjoy this.

Riggs finally climbs all the way up to the top rope with Clover now standing on the apron and cheering him on. He stabilizes himself across the cables then takes flight, flipping through the air into a senton bomb. It CONNECTS against Too Magnificent’s raised knees.

Comeau: He got his knees up, he got ‘em up!

Tim: If you’re pulling my leg, STOP IT! I will sue you for sexual harassment.

Comeau: I’m not making this up, Tim. I couldn’t dream up a story as good as this.

Riggs lies on the canvas spasming with pain shooting all through his cracked back. All the while Too Magnificent tries to get up but just can’t. That lethal plunge through the stage from such a height continues to leave his body devoid of strength.

He lifts an arm, but that’s all he can get up. He now swings his arms hoping it will give him the momentum to turn onto his knees. As he faces this arduous journey back to his feet Too Magnificent is too distracted to notice that Clover is now climbing up a turnbuckle, holding the very barbwire laced baseball bat across her forearm that has done so much damage to the former N.H.B Champion.

May: Clover taking it upon herself once again to finish Too Magnificent off.

Mark: Damn her, she’s getting involved AGAIN!

Tim: Hey. She has just as personal of a grudge against Too Magnificent as her boyfriend does. The man tossed her off the top of a Hell in a Cell for crying out loud.

Comeau: If she wants revenge she should do it in a match, a match of her OWN against Too Magnificent.

Clover is on the top rope with the bat wedged under her forearm. The crowd watches her breathtaking leap as she soars through the air, dropping with the baseball bat right across the canvas. Too Magnificent rolls out of the way, causing Clover to crash rear-end first against the canvas with the bat tearing into her arm. She unleashes a loud scream and then goes into convulsions, rolling across the ring grabbing at the ripped flesh on her arm.

Mark: Clover went to the well once too often and this time Too Magnificent was ready for her.

May: How he continues to put up this fight just defies logic.

Clover, injured arm and all begins to stand up, grabbing hold of the ropes and using the very baseball bat that left so many slashes in her skin as a crutch to reach her feet. Riggs is doing the same, albeit grabbing hold of the grocery cart and employing it as a perch. They push past their nagging injuries and glare at Too Magnificent’s blood smeared backside as he desperately clutches the ropes, dragging himself up them.

Although neither Riggs nor Suzie can barely stand they break away from their clutches with Clover turning hers into a weapon. Riggs grabs hold of a trashcan, taking it out of the cart then lifting it into the air. He and Suzie descend upon Too Magnificent, staggering towards their unsuspecting prey.

They rush right into his waiting boots. Too Magnificent turns, leans back into the ropes and gets both feet up into the faces of Riggs and Clover, knocking them both back several steps. Clover reaches out and catches Riggs by the wrist, helping to stabilize him and keep him from falling to the ring.

He pats her on the back, thanking her for saving him only to see Clover oddly ducking forward. His eyes veer back to Too Magnificent who delivers a stereo lariat, only connecting with Riggs’ throat. The Painted Warrior collapses to the canvas and his partner in crime goes rushing into the cables. Clover ricochets from the ropes and charges at Too Magnificent only to almost be beheaded by a pump kick that connects with such force that it sends her flipping over backwards.

She crashes across the back of her head and shoulders then falls limp across the canvas.

Mark: Too Magnificent is back and he is thriving against this competition!

May: I guess after everything these two have put him through it’s giving him just the motivation he needs to keep from falling over, because, you know, technically he should be dead at this point.

The whites of Too Magnificent’s eyes peer out from behind the mask of blood that cakes his face. He wipes the crimson away and then pulls back his blood drenched fingers to ball them into a fist. He swings and connects to the face of a disorientated Riggs who has just reached his feet.

The Painted Warrior stumbles back and braces himself just long enough to be blasted to the forehead with another right hand, that is followed by a third straight strike. Riggs almost goes over and it irritates Too Magnificent that he hasn’t as of yet. This inspires Too Mag to step back and getting a running start, building some momentum behind his next swing.

Riggs ducks at the very last conceivable second, avoiding the flying fist that threatened to knock loose a few teeth. He then bolts across the ring, looking to take advantage by leaping to the middle rope and springing off. He twists around to deliver the springboard buzzsaw kick only for his shin to be drilled with a trashcan.

Too Magnificent grabs the can off the canvas and puts it to use right at the most crucial moment. The can almost shatters Riggs’ shin on impact and causes him to fall to his knees screeching across the canvas.

Mark: Unbelievable counter by Too Magnificent. I’m amazed he is still able to perform surprises like these even after taking the punishment he’s endured throughout this INCREDIBLE N.H.B Title bout.

May: This has been a true test of his guts and we’re seeing them here and live, only at Paranoia VII.

The crowd is solidly behind Too Magnificent and his rise from the ashes. He takes the trashcan and slides it over Riggs’ shoulders at this point, burying him inside of the steel. He then approaches the chair that was snuggly held in place between the turnbuckle ropes, ripping it out. He turns and without so much as a breathe swings the chair right into the trashcan. The collision reverberates throughout the can and throughout Riggs’ body.

Tim: OHHH GOOD LORD!

Mark: Another shot from those weapons. The sight of his own blood has brought Too Magnificent back from the brink.

Riggs collapses across his stomach, body still wrapped by the now dented trashcan. Too Magnificent has some very bad intentions in store, evident by what one can see of his expression beneath all the blood. He lifts the chair above his head as if he’s about to bring it down over the trashcan. He does, but not via a swing, instead he gently places the chair on top of the trashcan then steps away from it.

He backs up as if in a trance, looking through glazed over eyes as he falls into a turnbuckle. What looks to be a mistake on his part turns out to be just another step in his plan. He pulls himself up the turnbuckle, climbing to the top rope.

May: What is Too Magnificent doing? Seriously. What the fuck is he doing!?!

Mark: Like you said, Tim, only at Paranoia.

Too Magnificent gets both of his feet under him and then without a second’s though, LEAPS from the top rope. He extends his leg and drops it across the trashcan and the chair with the Arrogance is Bliss!

Comeau: He just hit the AIB! The Arrogance is Bliss has been dropped on Riggs, a move we haven’t seen from Riggs in quite a while!

May: Paranoia, Mark, Paranoia.

Mark: Duh’. I just reminded you of that like twenty seconds ago. Will this be the final move delivered in this brutal, barbaric campaign for the N.H.B Championship? Is it the last nail in Riggs’ coffin?

Too Magnificent rolls the trashcan over so that Riggs is on his back then stretches his bloody carcass across it for the pin. The fans energetically watch each slap of the canvas, hooked on the ensuing three count that allows Too Magnificent to take BACK the N.H.B Championship.

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thre….

NOPE! Riggs gets his shoulder up a fraction of a second before the ref’s hand could make it all academic.

May: And now Riggs has just pulled a total mindfuck.

Mark: Kick out AGAIN! This time it’s Riggs escaping Too Magnificent’s ATTEMPTED pin.

Too Magnificent sits on the canvas mumbling incoherently. The blood is scrubbed from his eyes as he slowly reaches his feet. The moment he gets two feet under him he’s subjected to a rib cracking shot from a Singapore cane. The blow doubles him over and the unsteady Clover stands at his side. She then lifts the cane above her head and drags it down against Too Magnificent’s upper back, bringing him to his knees.

Comeau: ANOTHER interference from Suzie Clover.

May: Desolation should just come back out here and announce that she’s a legal participant in this match. He bent the rules for Orlando, why not Riggs as well?

The Painted Warrior, injured as he may be, climbs from the trashcan, coughing up blood in the process. Despite massive internal bleeding Riggs stands up and leaps into the ropes. He ricochets off and then lunges at the kneeling Too Magnificent, catching him in the face with a shinning wizard that knocks him to his spine.

May: Riggs has finally got Too Magnificent down where he wants….why isn’t he going for the pin?

Mark: Because this isn’t about winning, it’s about sending the ultimate message to Too Magnificent.

A bloodied Riggs grabs Clover by the wrist and points repeatedly at the table she positioned at ringside. Clover nods, confirming his wishes then grabbing the alcohol filled flask from the canvas.

Tim: Now is no time to indulge your alcoholism, Suzie.

Clover rolls under the ropes and almost looses her footing as she lifts the flash in the air, and spills the contents of it all over the surface of the table.

Mark: Oooooooh no.

May: Something tells me it’s about to get a little hotter in the Windsor Armory.

From Clover’s pocket a lighter is removed, lit and dropped on the alcohol saturated table, sending it up in flames.

Tim: Their gonna put him through a flaming table. And hear I thought all my fondest wishes had already been answered.

The crowd is drawn like gnats to the flame, absolutely enamored with it. Riggs blasts Too Magnificent over the upper back to keep him disorientated then yanks him to his feet by the bangs of his hair.

Riggs: I told you that THESE weapons….

He outstretches his open palms.

Riggs: Would be the ones to put you down.

Riggs balls up his fist and swings it right into Too Magnificent’s temple, then begins to charge him by the back of the head towards the ropes, intent on throwing him over into the flaming table. Too Magnificent avoids such a ghastly fate, taking Riggs by the back of his long locks and then yanking on his hair. Riggs turns in a circle to face Too Magnificent just as his skull is pulled into his armpit.

The whole building implodes as Too Magnificent lifts Riggs into the air then drops back into the Midas Touch.

May: That was THE Midas Touch….

Mark: Will it result in gold for the Golden Goliath?

Too Magnificent painstakingly crawls towards the cover, intent on throwing his arm across Riggs’ chest and becoming the new N.H.B Champion.

Tim: This might just be it. Too Magnificent may be on his way to obtaining N.H.B gold.

Comeau: Too Magnificent wants to make history tonight, a title win would be the quickest way to do so.

Too Magnificent falls over Riggs’ chest but from the corner of his eye he spots Suzie Clover climbing up a turnbuckle, intent on diving off and breaking up the pin.

May: Look at Clover go, this girl knows no quit.

Mark: I can’t believe she’s about to interfere….AGGAAAAIN!

May: Nope, looks like Too Magnificent is gonna do something about it this time.

Too Magnificent rushes to his feet, causing Suzie to loose her train of thought, throwing strategy out the window via a knee jerk reaction. She leaps from the top rope, twists and sets for the crossbody only to be caught in mid-air. She finds herself stretched across Too Magnificent’s chest before being thrown up onto his palms, now trapped in a gorilla press. Her scream tears through the building as she is sent flying over the top rope and plummeting right into the flames.

May: Clover went through a flaming table!?!

Mark: Too Magnificent just….Jesus Christ…..he just threw Suzie Clover into that flaming table.

The wood shatters into a thousand pieces beneath Suzie’s body. She ultimately crashes into the mats and begins to roll instinctively across the mats, trying to put out the flames on her back.

Comeau: She’s on fire, someone put out the fire please!

An extinguisher is sprayed by a stagehand all over Clover’s back, taking out the fire before it could spread.

May: That was INSANE, fucking INSANE!!

The crowd is wailing with another round of “holy shit” chants. Too Magnificent’s eyes twinkle as he looks over the ropes at the carnage he has inflicted on Clover, forcing her to pay the ultimate price for her interference. With blood oozing down his face Too Magnificent turns back towards his original target, the man holding his title. Riggs crawls across the ring and begins dragging himself up the turnbuckle, getting his legs under him.

He turns around, propping his exhausted body against the corner as Too Magnificent comes barreling in. Leaping forward into a big splash that connects with tremendous force. All the air is taken out of Riggs’ body which collapses to its seat. He now sits propped against the corner as Too Magnificent steps back across the ring. The sight of Suzie crashing through the table has given him that one last bit of adrenaline he needs to win back the N.H.B Title.

He turns towards the seated Riggs then comes barreling in when the Painted Warrior reaches through the ropes, grabs a video camera from one of the stagehands then puts it to use. He stands up and drives the camera into the inbound face of Too Magnificent. A puff of smoke shoots from the camera, literally exploding on contact with the Golden Goliath’s face.

May: Ohhhhhh, the camera just imploded!

Mark: Right against Too Magnificent’s face…..oh my god he’s on fire!

Flames jumped from the video camera into Too Magnificent’s hair, lighting him slightly ablaze. The crowd is squealing as Too Magnificent spins in circles, quickly dousing the flames by swatting them out with his palms. The flames may be out but he faces greater danger when turns towards Riggs, gets kicked to the gut then hit with a snap double arm DDT that puts him face first into the camera.

He drops to his back after his skull bounces from the camera, Riggs crawling over his sternum and hooking his legs.

Tim: If this doesn’t end the match then Too Magnificent is not human.

Mark: I think we’ve already determined that he isn’t.

The official’s hand slaps the canvas with the fans watching ever so intently, wondering if Too Magnificent can muster that one last feat of strength to kick out.

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There questions are answered with a decisive pinfall.

Mark: Somehow Riggs has pulled it off. He finally did what very few have over the years, he toppled Too Magnificent and RETAINED the N.H.B Championship.

May: That had to have been the damndest thing I’ve ever seen.

Comeau: Too Magnificent and Riggs have set the bar at a whole nother level.

Riggs climbs to his knees then falls straight to his face, absolutely exhausted, incapable of celebrating after perhaps the most hardcore match of his life. Yet again the crowd feels obliged to provide a standing ovation after witnessing what can only be described as the most insane match in Paranoia history.

Tim: There is only thing I can say about what we just witnessed….wow.

Mark: That might be an understatement. It took two people to put him down but Too Magnificent was defeated here tonight. Riggs emerges from an out and out war to keep the precious N.H.B title around his waist.

May: Congratulations to Riggs, seriously, the guy earned it. He even sacrificed his girlfriend to keep the belt.

EMTs are gathered around Suzie outside of the ring, checking on her burnt flesh and mangled body. Riggs gets no medical aid as he crawls across the ropes and drapes his chin over the bottom one, he stares through half opened eyes at the screaming Suzie, wondering how it all came to this.

Comeau: Riggs wins this match but at what cost?

May: I don’t think that either him or Clover will ever be the same after this.

Mark: Many fates have been changed, and in just a few moments an individual will achieve their desired destiny, because the World Heavyweight Title will be on the line.

May: We were scheduled to see Jake Starr versus Christian Savior, but I’m not even sure that’s going to be possible given what happened to Savior backstage.

Mark: For some yet unexplained reason the Five Star Society made Savior think they were aligned with him only to lure the Rising Phoenix into a false sense of security.

Tim: They attacked him backstage and who knows what his condition might be now.

Comeau: Something I do know that is 100 percent certain is that the next time you’ll see us on pay-per-view we’ll be live from Las Vegas Nevada for Upping the Ante.

May: That was quite an event last year BUT I don’t think any pay-per-view will be capable of topping what we’ve seen here tonight. Take our last match for instance. You honestly think anybody will be able to outdo that?

Mark: They’ll have an uphill battle, that’s for sure. We’ve seen a lot here tonight, Tim. Desolation was named the new co-owner of the IWC, Nathan Creed returned, Robin Brooks defeated Hurse, Jake Starr won the IWC World Heavyweight Title, Axl and Evans got their payback on the Five Star Society, and Suze Clover was thrown threw a flaming table.

Tim: I’m not going to be able to forget this night for a long time to come.

TITLE UNCERTAINTY

Susie: Mr. Douglas, Mr. Douglas…..

A chill goes up the spines of every fan in attendance at the sight of Dan Douglas strutting through the gorilla position, arms swaying in exaggeration fashion out to his sides. He pauses momentarily to address and undress Susie with his eyes.

Douglas: What’s cookin good lookin?

Moore pulls the front of her dress up a bit to hide her cleavage.

Susie: Moments ago we saw Christian Savior attacked by the Five Star Society, can you tell us the extent of his injuries and what effect this will have on the World Title match tonight?

Surprisingly Dan is very aloof. He raises a hand to his jaw and strokes it thoughtfully.

Dan: Nope.

He turns to leave before Susie audaciously grabs the sleeve of his jacket.

Moore: You can’t tell us anything?

A grinning Douglas rips his arm out of Susie’s clutches and remains uncooperative.

Dan: Why would I waste a scoop like this on you? I have a headline grabbing announcement that will single handedly top that whole Desolation swerve from earlier tonight, and I’ll be damned if I give YOU the exclusive. No, I’m going to the ring to drop my bombshell and make sure that it’s MY name on the tips of every TMZ reporters’ tongue. I’ll be at the top of the Twitter hot list. Before the end of the night there will be more tweets concerning Dan Douglas then there’ll be loud mouth Canadians drinking shitty domesticated beer. Now clear my path WOMAN.

He brushes her off and begins to make his way down the entrance corridor. Moore stands back, watching with a judgmental shake of her head.

Mark: Dan Douglas on his way out here to address the World Title situation presumably. Why is my Spidey sense tingling?

May: Because you’re a tool who would make a dorky Spider-man reference. I’m sure Douglas’ announcement can’t be that bad, the guy seems to have a good eye for talent, after all, he brought me back.

Comeau: I just don’t like where this is headed whatsoever.

The show returns live to the interior of the Windsor Armory where the ring crew is quickly trying to clean up after that last match. Riggs is in the process of assisting Clover to the backstage area. She is barely able to stand up of her own accord after that plunge through the flaming table. Too Magnificent refuses medical aid as he limps towards the backstage area, blood still dripping from his face.

Mark: The ring crew trying to repair what looks like a friggin war zone.

May: Too Magnificent and Riggs basically tore the whole building apart during their N.H.B Title match……

“Master of Puppets” hits the PA system and it doesn’t take very long for Dan Douglas to strut onto the stage.

Tim: Douglas making good on his vow, he’s coming to this ring in order to drop a bombshell announcement.

Mark: I wish we could go one Paranoia without having to put up with this spotlight craving Douglas.

May: He deserves the spotlight, he’s the Chairman of the Board for crying out loud.

With an animated waltz Douglas heads towards the ring, passing by the stagehands carting off broken chunks of table and a variety of mangled weapons. He pays such peons little attention as he power walks up the steps and slips through the ropes into the ring. Finally the Chairman takes a microphone and stops walking like a peacock flashing its feathers. He is about to utter his first word before the furious crowd drowns him in boos.

Douglas: Go on, keep pretending that your opinion of me matters worth a damn, it doesn’t. I don’t let Americans get under my skin, so I’m sure as hell not going to let you free loading Canadians antagonize me.

The jeers only get louder and Douglas’ grin only expands.

Dan: Frankly you square jawed, “aye” spouting Neanderthals are demonstrating yet again just how ignorant you are by booing me. Do you not realize that everything you’ve witnessed here tonight is thanks to me? I put ALL of this together. You should be thanking me, no, you should be worshiping me as your GOD!

The megalomaniac looks towards the heavens.

Douglas: Maybe you all need another display of my omnipotence. Maybe you need to be reminded who runs this show. I think you need that reminder, RIGHT NOW. Jake Starr!

The name gets a loud reaction from the crowd, which turns Douglas’ stomach.

Dan: Mr. World Champion, you have a title defense scheduled for right about, ohhhh NOW, so why don’t you and your belt come down to this ring? Come on now, I won’t bite….

“Sandstorm” by Darude erupts through the speaker, leading a joygasum from the crowd. They don’t have to wait long for Starr, who rips through the curtains with the IWC World Heavyweight Title wrapped around his waist. He tentatively heads towards the ring where Dan is wearing the grin of a jackal.

Mark: I’m more and more unsettled with every passing second.

May: This is just getting more epic. You should be excited, not tentative.

Starr slides into the ring under the ropes and unfastens his newly won title, throwing it over his shoulder. He gives Douglas a somewhat paranoid, pun intended, glare.

Douglas: Jake, I know what you’re thinking. Your thinking “my God, is this really happening, am I really standing in the ring with this wrestling visionary, has my career truly reached it’s pique now that I stand mono a mono with Dan Douglas himself?” Well, calm down Jake, let the butterflies settle in your stomach. Your gonna need to be calm and collected, 100% for the challenge your about to face. I know, I know, you thought that since Christian was injured by the Five Star Society that you wouldn’t have to defend your World Title tonight, but this is Paranoia, and these fans were promised TWO championship matches. I didn’t make the rule, but I’ll damn sure uphold it.

Mark: I really REALLY don’t like where this is going.

Dan: Therefore, given Christian’s inability to compete here tonight, you’ll be defending your belt against the runner up in the qualifying match, and quite frankly, the guy who deserves this title opportunity more than ANYONE, the chosen one, Porno Lad!

The fans are understandably less than thrilled by this announcement as Porno Lad’s custom entrance theme hits the PA system. The Original Prankster waltzes to the stage with a towel thrown across the back of his neck and a shit eating grin on his face. All those in attendance verbally berate Porno Lad, who used the most cutthroat, underhanded tactics imaginable to manipulate his way back into a World Title match.

May: What a brilliant swerve by Porno Lad. Obviously he had the Five Star Society jump, then take out Christian Savior so that he could take his place in this World Title match. I love it.

Mark: I hate it. This kind of reminds me why I was known for saying, “I hate Paranoia.”

Tim: That was the world’s most annoying catchphrase by the way.

Starr shrewdly turns towards a laughing Douglas.

Douglas: I bet you regret laying your hands on me now, don’t you?

Jake takes a moment to think about it before he shrugs then hauls off and superkicks Dan Douglas right in the jaw. The crowd leaps from their seats as Dan collapses to his back and writhes in anguish.

May: Starr just superkicked the chairman!

Mark: That’s the second time he’s laid Douglas out.

Dan rolls haphazardly across the canvas before spilling through the ropes. As the Chairman exits stage right, Porno Lad enters, sliding into the ring and leaping vengefully at Starr. The two immediately begin trading shots to a hailstorm of cheers from the crowd.

May: It’s on, Starr versus Porno Lad in our Paranoia main event for the World Title.

Mark: I almost can’t believe this is happening. This was supposed to be Jake Starr versus Christian Savior. Damn the Five Star Society.

Fists fly back and forth between both men’s faces before Porno Lad chops Starr across the chest. The already exhausted Jake steps back then gets a running start as he nails Porno Lad with a sternum tearing chop. The shot is so stiff it knocks PL to the canvas and sends him rolling across it. He reaches his feet just as Jake leaves his in order to dropkick him right to the jaw. The blow knocks Porno lad backwards and sends him crashing seat first into the turnbuckle.

Starr stands up and backs into the diagonal corner where he pivots anxiously between both feet. He now gets a big running start before flipping forward into a cannon ball, throwing all his weight right into the seated Porno Lad in the corner. The crowd erupts as Jake slams with such force and aggression against the Original Prankster. Jake now grabs PL by the wrist and the ankle, dragging him out of the corner to the center of the ring before he steps over him and up the turnbuckle.

Mark: This match getting off to a very fast pace and it may end just as quickly. Starr is heading to the top rope. Could we see the Shooting Five Star already?

Starr begins to balance himself on the top rope when Porno Lad rushes to his feet, wedges his hands to Jake’s ankles and shoves his legs right out from under him. As a result Jake ends up crotched on the top rope, landing directly upon the most important region of his body.

Porno Lad now scales the turnbuckle in front of him before hauling off and delivering a devastating forearm strike to Jake’s jaw. He then reaches out, takes him around the neck and sets up for a superplex only to be pushed off.

May: Porno Lad was on the verge of hitting a superplex to start this match out but Starr avoids it, shoving him right off the top rope.

Mark: This thing is really getting heated and fast. Emotions running very high in this World Title encounter to main event Paranoia VII.

After being shoved off Porno Lad lands on his feet then barrels towards Starr. He throws a right hand upward into his jaw, followed by another and then proceeded with a knife edge chop across the sternum. Jake almost goes tumbling from the top rope as Porno Lad begins to climb the corner, getting to the very top rope this time.

Tim: Now what is he setting up for?

Mark: Looks like he is about to hit a Frankenstiener.

Porno Lad only stands on the top rope for a moment before leaping from his feet, wrapping his legs around Jake’s neck then dropping back. He seems intent on delivering the hurricarana and almost connects if it weren’t for the fact that Starr has reached down and grabbed the top rope with both hands.

Jake keeps from being yanked off the turnbuckle and plummeting to his demise. As a result Porno Lad goes crashing into the canvas, his mouth hitting the ring with force, hopefully shutting him up permanently.

May: OHHHH snikies, that didn’t work out how Porno Lad had it planned at all.

Mark: No it didn’t, and now it’s opened the door for Starr yet again.

With the window of opportunity closing quickly Jake has a renewed sense of urgency. He begins to rise to his feet to take advantage of the discombobulated Porno Lad, who has reached his feet and is now staggering around the ring. He turns just as Starr leaps from the top rope and connects with a crossbody that sends both men crashing into the canvas. That’s when Porno Lad rolls through and ends up stretched over Jake’s sternum, hooking both legs on the verge of winning the IWC World Title.

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Starr kicks out and the crowd unleashes a sigh of relief. Many even go as far as to wipe their foreheads with the back of their hands. They return to their seats, chests heaving, eyes unwilling to break from the ring where the drama only escalates.

Tim: I almost thought we had a new champion crowned.

Mark: As did many of the fans here in attendance. Porno Lad SECONDS away from winning the World Heavyweight Title.

Although frustrated Porno Lad refuses to let this kick out throw him off his game. He rushes to his feet and storms towards the still lying Starr, who shocks him by delivering a quick kick to the crease of his knee. PL begins to hobbler as a result, almost loosing his footing before he falls into the ropes. An angry Prankster turns around and rushes right at Jake, who leaps to his feet only to leave them when he delivers a basement dropkick on the inbound knee of the challenger.

The kick connects with such force that Porno Lad’s forward momentum sends him flipping over and crashing across his back. Starr rushes to his feet, grabs PL by the injured leg, uses it to roll him over and then drops down into the STF.

May: Whoa, whoa now, STF locked in.

Mark: Porno Lad could tap out. Starr might be on the verge of retaining his IWC World Championship.

The crowd is on pins and needles, absolutely jacked at the premise of seeing PL submit. He denies them such a glorious sight, instead he slams his nails into the canvas and begins dragging his traumatized body towards the ropes.

Comeau: He’s very close, can he just reach out and take that cable?

May: He’s got to if he wants the World Heavyweight Title.

PL’s fingers just miss the bottom rope as he desperately lunges for them. This provokes Starr to stand up, grab hold of his ankle and drag the challenger to the middle of the ring. That’s when Porno Lad flops to his back and counters, wedging his feet to Starr’s ribs, shoving him off back first into the ropes.

Starr ricochets off and comes staggering back into Porno Lad’s clutches. He catches him and pulls Jake down into a small package.

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Jake rolls right out of the pin to the delight of the masses. But not only does he kick out, he grabs Porno Lad’s ankle in the process, flips him to his stomach then drops down and applies the STF for a second time.

Mark: He’s got him in the STF AGAIN and now Porno Lad is trapped in the center of the ring.

A screeching Porno Lad flails his arms wildly about hoping they will hit something and trigger a chain reaction that somehow frees him from this torturous hold.

Tim: Don’t tap….my God he’s gonna tap.Mark: Starr shocked us once tonight, looks like he’s gonna do it agai….no wait, Porno Lad is trying to fight out of this.

A despondent and desperate Porno Lad digs his claws into the canvas and begins to move inch by inch towards the ropes. Starr only applies more pressure but nothing will deprive the Original Prankster, who is beyond determined to have his perfect Paranoia moment. His palm extends and it wraps around the bottom rope to a reaction that borders on both excitement and dread. A thousand hearts sink as Jake is forced to break the hold on the highly manipulative PL.

The surprisingly aggressive Starr may break the hold but he does not hesitate to reach down, grab Porno Lad around the waist and apply the rear waist-lock. Porno Lad desperately tries to hold onto the ropes as Starr utilizes this grasp to pull him slowly to his feet.

Once upright Jake tries to drop back and force Porno Lad down into a roll up but the Original Prankster holds onto the top rope with all his strength. As a result Jake hits the canvas and rolls over backwards with nothing to show for his troubles. He rolls directly onto his feet and then comes charging at Porno Lad who steps away from the ropes and launches a foot into the air.

The big boot misses its target, Jake running right into the ropes behind Porno Lad and leaping to the middle one. He springs off, twists and flies right at Porno Lad for another crossbody. Porno Lad spins just in time to catch Starr coming and forcing him down ribs first right into his raised knee with the gut buster.

May: Ohhhhh my oh my, that was a B-E-A-utiful counter.

Comeau: Expertly timed and avoided by Porno Lad, who has yet to allow Jake to utilize any of his high flying offense in this match. He just keeps finding counters for it.

Billy: Which Jake has adapted to by employing a more technical style.

Starr rolls to his back, kicking his heels against the canvas and gripping his ribs with both hands. He seems to be in a great deal of pain but little does he realize that his opponent is just getting started. A fatigued Porno Lad, still suffering the effects of a grueling qualifying match earlier in the night, drops down behind Starr, pulls him up to his seat and then applies an inverted bearhug.

Tim: Now he’s just gonna squeeeeeeze at the ribs. Very nice strategy employed here by Porno Lad.

Mark: We saw him pick apart Christian Savior’s arm in the qualifying match, is he gonna do the same to Jake’s mid-section?

May: Yeah, and it was all the work done on Savior’s arm that made it so easy for him to be taken out by the Five Star Society earlier tonight. But the show must go on, and it has wonderfully with PL subbing for Savior.

Comeau: What a load of crap that is. We all know Porno Lad, the Five Star Society and Dan Douglas had this all set up, perhaps weeks in the making.

Starr’s whole body is tensed with pain, his features contorted thanks to the agony seizing hold of his body. His hands ball into fists, his eyes flash with determination, his teeth grate as he tries to keep from screaming. He slowly, sluggishly stands up with Porno Lad holding onto his mid-section all the while. The crowd is elated when Jake reaches his feet until Porno Lad wraps up one of his legs and grabs hold of his arm, transitioning from the bear-hug into an Abdominal stretch.

Tim: NICE.

Porno Lad wrenches back repeatedly on the arm, tweaking the shoulder and straining the ribcage.

Mark: Jake can only last so long in a hold like this. Let’s not forget that he wrestled Jason Zero for half an hour earlier tonight.

May: So? Porno Lad equally as grueling of a match.

Comeau: Yes, both men were involved in classic matches this evening and your beginning to see the wear and tear of those battles effecting them in this World Title main event.

After everything Jake has endured here tonight the abdominal stretch is absolutely killing him. Nevertheless his hand forms into a fist and he begins to shake it out to his side, trying to get the crowd to rally behind him. They do, every fan standing and putting their hands together. Suddenly he begins to rock his body from side to side trying to jostle out of the hold.

Porno Lad almost cannot believe it, feeling his opponent surge with energy. That’s when Jake plants his feet firmly to the canvas then employs what remains of his strength to hip toss Porno Lad over and send him crashing with force across the canvas.

Mark: He countered out of the hold!

Porno Lad rolls across the canvas to his feet looking stunned as Jake comes barreling towards him. Suddenly PL catches the inbound Jake across the chest and thigh, lifts him up into the air then drags him down with yet another gut buster across the knee.

Before Starr can even react to this painful development, Porno Lad stands up at his side, wraps his arms around his waist and then flips him over with a side suplex. Jake crashes with enough force against the canvas to send ripples throughout the ring. Porno Lad quickly crawls into the cover, wedging a forearm against Jake’s face for good measure.

May: Two moves chained together and targeting Jake’s mid-section. I hate to say it…wait, no I don’t….it looks like Porno Lad is on the verge of winning his first World Title.

Mark: That it does. He’s about to force Jake to have a short IWC title reign.

The official drops to the canvas and slaps the ring to screams from the distraught masses.

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Starr kicks out, changing the vibe in the building from one of dread to excitement.

Mark: Jake kicks out.

May: Uhhhh, just give Porno Lad the title already, NOW!

An agitated Porno Lad reaches his feet and backs away from Starr, falling into one of the turnbuckle as he almost looses all his strength. He now watches Jake use up all his remaining energy to try and stand up. Once he’s on his elbows and knees Porno Lad rushes out of the corner and delivers a straight punt kick to Starr’s ribs, knocking him to his back.

Mark: Another shot on that tender mid-section. Porno Lad is not taking any chances in this match.

May: Nor should he, this is for the World Heavyweight Title…

Porno Lad now drops a knee right into Jake’s side, grabbing hold of his knee and his arm in the process. He pulls them both towards his body while wedging his knee further into both Jake’s ribs and his lower back.

May: Look Marky Mark, when’s the last time you’ve seen a modified bow and arrow stretch like this.

Mark: Porno Lad going old school in this title match.

May: He’s using everything he can think of to wear Starr down.

The crowd is on its feet rallying in support behind Jake Starr. Porno Lad almost cannot believe what he’s hearing, IWC fans cheering for an SCW wrestler, picking Starr over himself. This just makes PL all that more bitter and prompts him to dig his knee deeper into the ribs. Starr’s free hand stretches for the ropes but they are too far away, feeling like he would have to cross a scorching desert in order to find salvation.

Porno Lad growls as he pulls back on the arm and the leg, providing even more torque on the hold.

May: If Jake were smart he would just tap out. There’s nothing more he can do here.

Mark: Jake knows how important this match and how important the IWC World Championship is. He’s not about to lose at his first Paranoia and he’s sure as hell not going to relinquish the coveted title he fought so hard to win earlier tonight.

The crowd continues to compel Starr to keep fighting. They give him just the inspiration he needs to start reaching his feet. He gets one knee under him, then plants a foot to the canvas, shoving his way up from the canvas. An intense Porno Lad tries to transition into the abdominal stretch once again only for Jake to fall back to the canvas and counter into an arm drag.

PL goes rolling across the canvas to his feet, looking absolutely shocked and petrified as he begins to stand up. The moment he reaches his feet Jake comes charging in, fist flying towards his face. Porno Lad side steps him and grabs Jake by the back of the head and pants, throwing him with all his strength into the turnbuckle.

Jake’s own momentum in combination with this shove causes the World Champion to duck and drive the back of his head into the middle rope. As a result he’s sent flipping up the top rope of the turnbuckle then falls back, landing on his feet across the canvas. He now stumbles in reverse, walking right into the waiting clutches of the challenger.

Porno Lad wedges a shoulder to his spine, heaves Jake into the air then drops him with spine shattering velocity into the canvas with a back suplex.

May: Man Porno Lad just keeps impressing the hell out of me.

Mark: I would say the same if he weren’t arrogant enough to do something like this.

Mark is referencing the egotistical cover by the Original Prankster, who swaggers across the ring and simply puts a foot to Starr’s chest, holding him down. He now lifts a fist above his head, doing a preemptive celebration.

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Starr shoves the foot away from his sternum and turns onto his side.

Mark: You don’t cover someone like that in a World Title match. If there’s one thing that will lead to Porno Lad’s undoing, it’s his egotism.

Billy: He’s got every right to be confident though, Starr is completely at his mercy.

Comeau: Not for long if Porno Lad’s ego keeps clouding his judgment.

With a cocky smile still sweeping across his face Porno Lad drags Jake to his feet then takes him by the wrist. He arrogantly whips him across the ring right into the far corner. The crowd jeers as he begins to sweep his feet across the canvas like he were a bull on the verge of a gore. Finally he takes off across the ring and then leaps high into the air for a big splash only to have Jake get both feet into the air, driving them to PL’s ribs.

Porno Lad is knocked to the canvas by the World Champion who now grabs the ropes and uses them to back flip up to the top of the turnbuckle.

May: This is how Starr pinned Zero earlier!

Mark: The second time may be the charm for the IWC Champion.

Starr takes a moment to balance himself, and that moment proves costly. It gives Zero just enough time to roll out of the ring, clearing from harm’s way. That’s when Jake turns on the top rope, prepared to go flying to the outside instead. He leaps from the top rope but Porno Lad smartly has this scouted, now rolling back into the ring to avoid another airborne move.

What he doesn’t realize is that Jake didn’t go crashing to the outside, instead he leaps off the turnbuckle, grabs the top rope and lands on the apron. PL taps his temple, looking very proud of himself before he turns around and spots Jake springing off the top rope, flying through the air then crashing right into him with a crossbody. Jake takes Porno Lad down to the canvas and hooks both legs while the fans scream louder than ever before.

Comeau: Jake finally caught Porno Lad with that crossbody and it could be just the ticket to him retaining the title.

The official slips into position and makes the count to a momentous reception from the crowd.

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Porno Lad kicks out, sucking all the wind from sails of the joyful crowd.

Mark: Nooooo, he kicks out.

An exhausted Porno Lad rolls across the ring while an equally as winded Starr rises to his feet. He holds his battered mid-section as he steps towards Porno Lad, takes him around the neck and forces him up to his feet.

Out of nowhere Porno Lad shoves the arms aside and delivers a straight finger poke right to Starr’s eye.

May: Ha-ha, I love it.

Mark: It didn’t take Porno Lad long to start abusing the rules.

Tim: Got to do whatever it takes to win here at Paranoia, Marky Mark.

Jake stumbles back, palming his eye with both hands, it appears serious retinal damage has been done. Porno Lad rushes in to take advantage of this when Starr suddenly leaps into the air, twists and drives the back of his elbow right into the challenger’s chest. Porno Lad crashes to the canvas and Jake lands beside him before popping up to his feet and staggering right towards the ropes.

Mark: Starr is determined to hit that Shooting Five Star despite the risks it may be run. He wants to emphatically end Porno Lad and walk out of Paranoia the true, undisputed World Champion.

The crowd is building some steam as Jake slips through the ropes and starts across the apron, making his way to the turnbuckle. From the corner of his eye he spots Porno Lad standing back up and then rushing across the ring, diving forward in order to hit a shoulder block to his damaged ribs. Jake sidesteps him though, causing PL’s head to fly through the ropes and now dangle over the apron.

Starr suddenly rushes forward and delivers a vicious knee right into his face. The stiff strike knocks Porno Lad through a loop and sends him tumbling back into the ring where he now lies motionless.

May: Oh no, that just put Porno Lad in PERFECT position for that flippy flip dive of Starr’s.

In spite of his exhaustion Starr is still highly motivated. He demonstrates this as he approaches the corner and quickly begins to scale it. Down below Porno Lad is twisting and writhing across the canvas, both hands grabbing at his injured jaw. He has no idea what is waiting for him above as Starr plants his feet and prepares for his awe inspiring leap.

That’s when Porno Lad lifts his foot, wedges it to the hip of the nearby official and kicks him into the ropes. As a result Starr looses his balance but instead of falling to the outside or into the ring, Starr leaps off the corner. He flies right over Porno Lad then lands beside him, before back flipping into a standing moonsault. He crashes right across Porno Lad’s chest then hooks the leg.

May: What fuc….what the hell was that?

Mark: Porno Lad’s cheating prevented the Shooting Five Star but it opened the door for that breathtaking moonsault. Is Jake on his way to retaining the title?

The official makes the count with the fans chanting along.

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NYOOO! Porno Lad’s shoulder leaps from the canvas, enraging Starr.

May: Jake AGAIN moments from beating the Original Prankster.

Mark: I don’t know how I can possibly take anymore of this. We’ve seen action like this all night long.

Tim: Yeah, my blood pressure can’t take much more of this.

The crowd is yet again rallied behind Starr, who gets a knee under him before finally forcing himself up to his feet. Starr amazes himself, stunned that he’s still able to keep on fighting after everything he’s put his body through here tonight. All of his self sacrifices would be worth it if he could just emerge here tonight as the World Heavyweight Champion.

He takes off into the ropes, leaping to the middle one then springing off into a flying leg drop only for Porno Lad to roll out of the way. As a result Jake lands right on his seat and howls in pain. He is in such agony that he doesn’t even notice Porno Lad leaping over him, catching him around the neck and the leg then rolling him over into a mahistrial cradle.

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Jake’s shoulder launches from the ring mere seconds before Porno Lad could achieve his dream.

May: Nearly caught him there.

There is another mad dash by both men to reach their feet but PL gets up a little quicker. He immediately throws a lariat that is ducked and avoided by Starr, who catches his opponent by the biceps, trying to drag him down into the backslide.

Porno Lad plants his feet though, refusing to be taken over. This stubbornness prompts Jake to break the grasp on his rival’s arms and instead take him around the chin. He yanks Porno Lad’s around into a face buster right against his knee.

The vicious impact causes Porno Lad to stand up straight and be subjected to a leaping back heel kick to the face. The shot sends him staggering backwards into the turnbuckle, his arms falling over the conjoining top ropes, the only thing keeping him on his feet.

He stands just as Jake comes rushing in, leaping into the air and delivering a leg lariat to the throat.

Mark: Jake SANDWICHING Porno Lad’s head between his thigh and the turnbuckle. The physicality in this match has just been insane.

May: We’ve seen brutality like this all night long, and it won’t end until this match finally does.

Comeau: Who knows when that will be given just how resilient these two are.

To the disbelief of Starr, his opponent is still standing. PL waivers back and forth but the turnbuckle keeps him propped up and positioned for yet another big leg lariat. Starr steps to the center of the ring and then blazes towards the corner. He leaps into the air for a second leg lariat only to have Porno Lad duck down out of the way.

As a result Jake crashes into the turnbuckle, his leg hitting the corner with extreme force.

May: Porno Lad was ready for it this time and now Jake’s leg may be seriously injured.

Jake tries to put some pressure on his leg but can’t, forcing him to hobble. The always conniving Porno Lad tries to take advantage, getting to his feet then charging towards Starr who surprises him with a big kick to the ribs. Starr then steps over the back of his head and stuns the world by leaping into the air for the Canadian Destroyer.

But wait Porno Lad stands up and catches the back of Starr’s knees, threatening to pull him down into an Alabama Slam.

May: Two counters but who is gonna prevail.

Suddenly Starr twists his body at the hip, slipping out of Porno Lad’s clutches and landing on his feet behind him. He wraps his arms around Porno Lad’s waist only for the Original Prankster to try and free himself by rushing into the ropes. He hits the cables chest first and tries to grab hold of them for salvation only for Jake to drop back, rolling Porno Lad up and sitting on the back of his thighs to high pitched wails from the viewing audience.

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Porno Lad kicks out to harrowing screams from the crowd. He rolls over backwards to his knees just as Jake steps in, takes him around the neck and prepares to drop back into a DDT. However, Porno Lad snatches hold of the creases of his knees, lifts them into the air and sends Jake collapsing to his back. Porno Lad now flips forward into the jackknife cover, the crowd squealing as he finds himself on the verge of a victory.

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Jake sits up and sends Porno Lad again rolling over backwards, this time landing on his elbows and knees. He just begins to rise to his feet when Jake charges in, catches him around the waist and flips him over into the Canadian Destroyer.

Tim: Where did he….how did he….was that?

Mark: The Canadian Destroyer by Jake Starr connecting. And we all know it’s a precursor for the most amazing aerial move in wrestling today.

Every fan is upright and waiting, anxiously anticipating this high risk dive. Starr climbs slowly to his feet and then limps across the canvas, his exhausted body falling into it.

Mark: Climb Starr, climb while you have Porno Lad down.

PL is showing absolutely no signs of movement as Jake climbs the turnbuckle as fast as his damaged body will permit. The crowd is incredibly excited as Jake balances himself and then performs yet another jaw dropping feat. He flips through the air with the grace of a gymnast before crashing with all of his weight to his waiting victim below.

Mark: The Shooting Five Star…..

May: He MISSED!

The crowd is now awe struck at the sight of Starr plummeting into the canvas, his body ricocheting from the ring. He bounces back to his feet via no power his own then slowly turns around as Porno Lad steps out of the corner, spins around and cracks him in the face with the Epic Fail.

May: EPPPIIIC FAAAIIILLL! Yeah baby.

Mark: Porno Lad nailed all of it, will that be enough, will that be his ticket to the World Heavyweight Title?

The kick seems to have KOed Starr, who now lies stretched across the canvas with Porno Lad falling back against his sternum. He hooks both legs as the crowd finds themselves pensively watching.

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3!

The screams are absolutely deafening as Jake Starr defies the odds yet again via another kick-out.

May: Un-friggin-real.

Porno Lad, chapped lips, sweaty frame and bulging eyes sits up on the canvas, running his hands through his hair in sheer disbelief. He has idea how Starr could have possibly kicked out again, especially after being hit with the Epic Fail. Consumed by rage Porno Lad rolls to his elbows and knees, poised and waiting for Jake to get up. Starr slowly, sluggishly forces his way from the canvas, his whole overwhelmed by both fatigue and a multitude of nagging injuries.

Tim: It looks like Porno Lad is stalking his prey for the kill.

Mark: Another Epic Fail on tap perhaps.

It takes Jake ages to reach his feet but once upright he staggers around right into a second Epic Fail. But wait, no, this time he ducks down and avoids it. The boot flies right over his head and Porno Lad’s momentum sends him spinning around right into Jake’s clutches. Starr catches the creases of PL’s knee, rips the legs out from under him, knocking the Original Prankster to his back then rolls him to his stomach and applies the STF.

Mark: He’s got that STF locked in again. This almost made Porno Lad tap out to start this match off.

May: Don’t let it end like this, PLEASE oh PLEASE!

The thrilled fans are on their feet watching as PL digs his claws into the canvas, desperately trying to pull himself across the ring towards the ropes. This compels Starr to rear back on the head and further torque his trapped leg, the very one he has been working over repeatedly in this match. There is not one occupied seat as Porno Lad pulls himself closer and closer towards the ropes, which seem to be separated by the span of miles. He now digs his teeth into his knuckle to the point of drawing blood.

May: Come on, just a little further Porno Lad, just a little further.

The wear and tear of competing in two matches tonight is coming back to haunt Porno Lad, driving him to do the unthinkable. He lifts his palm into the air and then brings it down to the canvas.

Mark: He TAP….hold on, no, he’s still hanging in there.

Porno Lad stops his palm mere centimeters above the canvas and balls up his fist, swinging it wildly out to his side. Starr leans back on the jaw and roars at his rival to submit. Unfortunately Porno Lad will not give in, he will not relent as has been requested. Instead he slams his palms into the canvas not to tap out but to continue pulling himself onward in the direction of the ropes.

Tim: He’s getting closer.

Mark: But it might be too much at this point considering everything that his body has already endured in this epic confrontation.

The fans are on pins and needles as Porno Lad extends his palm and wraps it around the bottom rope.

May: He got to the cables….shooooo that was too close.

Mark: I don’t know how he had enough energy left to get to the ropes. These two have already endured two of the most grueling matches in Paranoia history just to make it to this title bout.

Starr rolls off of Porno Lad and finds himself stretched across his back, chest heaving as he struggles for every precious breathe. He finally sits up only to fall right back over, all the strength and energy beginning to fade from his body.

Starr refuses to allow his injures to bog him down. He begins to stand up, putting one foot under him followed by another. He stands up on shaky legs but stands nevertheless. His fists ball up, ready to swing as he approaches his equally as exhausted opponent. PL employs the ropes that saved him to now reach his feet, unable to put much weight on his injured leg.

The IWC World Champion gives PL absolutely no time to recover, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around only for the Original Prankster to catch him across the chest with a knife edge chop. The stiff blow knocks Starr back a few steps, almost crumbling to the canvas. Porno Lad now rushes out of the ropes going for a Masawa style roaring elbow only to have Starr duck down, catch him by the crease of the elbow and then push him back.

Porno Lad is sent into a spin, making a full revolution before turning towards Starr who catches the creases of his knees. He yanks the legs out from under Porno Lad and sets up for another STF only to be kicked off. Starr staggers back towards one of the turnbuckles as Porno Lad limps to his feet and comes charging in. That’s when Jake leaps into the air and cracks him under the jaw with a leaping knee strike.

May: Another knee to Porno Lad’s head, this time of the leaping variety. Whoa, whoa now, hold your horses.

Mark: I think Starr just caught on.

Jake looks between his near comatose opponent and the top rope. The crowd is clued in immediately, everyone rising to their feet in anticipation of witnessing the same diving move that took out Jason Zero earlier that evening. Starr throws his arms out to his sides, calling for the end which has the fans popping so loud their lungs are on the verge of bursting. Starr stumbles towards the ropes, slips through them and scales the turnbuckle as fast as his injured body will allow.

Comeau: Prepare yourselves for another breathtaking Paranoia moment. The Shooting Five Star….

Jake gets his legs under him, no matter how unsteady they may be and to the awe of the crowd takes flight. He flips through the air, on the verge of crashing into his opponent and regaining the World Heavyweight Title when Porno Lad suddenly rushes to his feet and delivers a jumping Epic Fail, catching the airborne Starr right in the jaw.

May: OH MY GAWD!

Mark: NO WAY!!

A thousand jaws drop simultaneously as Starr crashes to his side across the canvas, lying absolutely motionless. Porno Lad falls to his knees, bathing in his own sweat. After struggling through the pains and aches PL climbs into the cover on Starr, leg hooked, crowd screaming.

Tim: Porno Lad countered the Shooting Five Star with the Epic Fail….this has to be it.

Mark: That was the most insane counter I’ve ever witnessed, but will it be enough to finally end Jake Starr?

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Tim: He’s gonna do it.

3!

A loud eruption emits from the sea of humanity, consisting of cheers, boos and exasperated pleas. This wide range of emotional responses results from Jake’s inability to kick out yet again, meaning that Porno Lad has just won the World Heavyweight Title.

May: It’s over..sweet heavens it’s over….

Mark: A NEW World Heavyweight Champion has just been crowned for the second time tonight.

Tim: And that champion’s name, sing it loud, sing it proud, Porno Lad.

Disbelief inhabits the face of Porno Lad as he rolls from the body of Starr to the center of the ring, now stretched across his back unable to so much as celebrate this career defining moment. The official has possession of the World Heavyweight Championship as he quickly brings to the Original Prankster. He kneels and bestows the title unto the newly anointed champion.

Comeau: Ladies and gentlemen, you are witnessing history here tonight. After a sensational match for the title we have ourselves a NEW champion. Porno Lad caught Starr with an amazing counter into the Epic Fail and now he has the honor of calling himself the IWC champ.

May: Porno Lad’s perfect Paranoia moment has been realized. He defeats Jake Starr and he wins the IWC World Title in the process. It’s moments like these that bring a tear to my eye.

The fans are still buzzing, emotions at their pique as Porno Lad limps to his feet, World Title draped over his shoulder. The official grabs his arm and lifts it into the air as Porno Lad kicks back his head with a giant grin donning his face. He almost buckles but remains upright just long enough to see Starr utilizing the ropes to stand.

In a classy act Jake, injured jaw and all, begins clapping for Porno Lad, who responds rather bluntly to this chivalrous display.

Porno Lad: Get the fuck out of my ring.

Porno Lad now drops to the canvas, letting the belt spill across the ring in front of him before bowing down, putting his forehead to the golden plate.

May: I’m seriously trying to hold back tears here.

Mark: Although Porno Lad manipulated his way into this match, taking out Christian Savior, who was originally supposed to participate in it, I’ve GOT to give Ethan props for pulling off this win.

Tim: What a moment, what a match, what a Paranoia.

Fireworks explode from the rafters and the turnbuckles, confetti shooting up into the air and scattering around the still kneeling Porno Lad. The fans may not like Porno Lad, nor his methods of getting this match, but they give a standing ovation nevertheless. They close out the night by commemorating all the action, all the breathtaking matches and spellbinding moments they’ve witnessed with a just deserved round of applause. PL stands up amongst the confetti and explosions of pyro, lifting the World Title above his head with both hands. His smile persists as he staggers towards the ropes and falls against them.

May: Porno Lad’s lifelong dream has finally come true. He is a World Heavyweight Champion.

Mark: He survived a truly grueling encounter with Starr to pull this off. I daresay that no one will be able to forget this title win, nor this entire EPIC Paranoia event.

Tim: It truly has been a night that will be etched in my mind for as long as I live.

Comeau: After everything that has transpired here tonight, we close out Paranoia VII with a NEW World title holder. Thank you ladies and gentlemen for joining us on this wild ride.

Porno Lad drops to his knees once again in the center of the ring, the World Title belt draped across his forearms. He stares into the gold, realizing that he has truly achieved his dream as he celebrates his PERFECT Paranoia moment.

Tim: This has been Tim May and Marky Mark Comeau on commentary, and THIS was Paranoia!

FADE TO BLACK