./scene 1\. __
white tigers and poor childcare
Fading in to the scene of Seth and Jalie's bedroom, the cameras are met with a magnificent sight. The bedroom was set off in the back beyond the attached sitting room. Here the walls were covered with shelves stacked with philosophy, poetry, history and erotica. Jalie was a collector of sorts when it came to novels. The room was circular and lit only by the full length windows on the east side, along with candelabras mounted around the room. In the center were four over-stuffed armchairs laden with pillows and throw blankets. The South end held the walk-in closet, and up a few steps at the North end leads us to the bedroom, another circular pattern. The walls are solid rock with alcoves carved in to hold candles and a few random books or religious statues. A large four-poster bed took up most of the room and was covered by sheer white curtains. Some of the grandeur of the bedroom was diminished by the clothes, receipts, loose change and packets of rolling papers scattered about the floor. To the point, however. Jalie was lying on the bed in tiny black shorts and a cut off Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt. Sleeping soundly, Jalie was roused by the phone ringing on Seth's side of the bed. She dug the cordless out from under the covers and placed it to her ear.
"Hello..?"
Met with a loud ringing right into her ear, she cursed and pressed the talk button before replacing it.
"Hello?!"
"Hey babe. I'm still at that press junket. This whole thing is a fucking nightmare. There's kids everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. Some little bastard damn near bit off my kneecap when he climbed underneath the table. His saddlebag slut of a mother found it adorable, of course. Wearing what had to have been her thirteen year old daughters t-shirt and shorts. Fat… overflowing… Drooping everywhere… Oh, Gods…"
Seth paused and muffled the phone, but Jalie could still hear his retching. She grimaced and moved the phone away until it ceased.
"Ugh, anyway, it's gonna be another couple of hours before I'm home. Autographs, a speech on this months pay per view, the usual shit. So I'll see you later this afternoon, alright? I love you."
"Love you too… And hurry up, damnit."
Jalie hung up and tossed the phone back on the bed. Outside she could hear voices, which meant she was either completely gone or the grounds were stable-inhabited. Usually the latter. She crawled out of bed and slipped out the sitting room door to go out into the expansive backyard. The back patio was in essence an outdoor living room. It even held a kitchen space toward the end. The rock fireplace was cold due to the weather still being in the high nineties. Before this was a large sofa and several big armchairs. Orphan Mysterio and Cyprus Lolita were currently fighting over who got to sit in the pink fuzzy chair, whilst Brandy James was stretched out on the couch. Her son, Nolan, was off by the animal sanctuary Jalie had built when they moved in. An ocelot was poking it's nose through the gate and catching a whiff of Nolan's scent. Jalie wandered to the cozy setting and pushed Orphan and Cy away to take the pink chair herself. She pointed to her name embroidered on the arms. Cyprus risked a glance at the lime green chair beside it, and immediately found herself in a territorial fight with Orphan yet again.
"You know if the little dude sticks his arm in there, there's a damn good chance that cat's gonna nibble on him, right?" Jalie cautioned Brandi.
"Trust me, he knows better. He's Josh's son, not Rick's."
Jalie nodded as if to say 'good point'. Nolan's giggling made them look in his direction. He'd somehow unlocked the gate, and not only had he stuck his arm in there, his whole body went with it. He was sitting on the ground while the ocelot nuzzled him affectionately. Brandi was horrified and started to get up.
"Nah, leave him. The only way he'd get pounced on now is if he tried to get away." Jalie said matter-of-factly.
The cat was now loose. Nolan was crawling away but the ocelot caught up to him and picked him up by the back of his little Mets jersey.
"I thought Ziggy was male?" Cyprus asked, noting the cat's maternal behaviour.
"He is. Before he was rescued he'd spent a lot of time with a famous Las Vegas act, though. He turned out sort of… You know… Heterosexually challenged. He's a pansy. He would never make it in the wild now. Unfortunately, I'm legally obligated not to make mention of the Vegas acts names."
The camera switched to a white tiger in his respective pen, while crickets sounded in the distance.
..|//dos. : donate your plasma - save a life today!
Jalie was standing up on the kitchen counter with the cabinet in front of her hanging open. She was digging through and tossing out several near empty boxes of crackers. Hobo Nick was standing in the kitchen behind her, catching each box and emptying it's contents into his mouth. Jalie looked down at him with a frown.
"Nick, man, I don't have any idea how old those are. They were here when we moved in. I inherited the cracker fetish from Uncle Javi."
"Jalie Alijandra Dumas. I eat out of a dumpster. Do you really think I care if crackers are stale?" Nick asked pointedly. Jalie shrugged.
"Good point. Hey, you didn't uh, by any chance borrow the TV in me and Seth's bedroom? It was missing when I got up this afternoon."
"I didn't touch nothin'." Nick replied defensively.
"Fine, fine. It's just I remember when you borrowed some of my basement equipment to try and get the truth out of Hobo Kyle once. Something about the Hobo-Thon a couple years ago."
Nick's eyes went dark with rage. The heated rivalry between he and Hobo Kyle Murphy was recognized the world over as one of the fiercest bum rivalries in existence. Though, granted there can't possibly be that many to begin with. It all started backstage at an RWA event. Nick had been thoroughly enjoying his position as the only hobo involved in professional wrestling… Until Kyle showed up and they both spotted half of a ham sandwich abandoned in a trash bin. The fight ensued, and still hasn't ended. Nick now threw the cracker boxes to the floor, seething.
"I'm going to my dumpster. HOLD MY CALLS!"
Jalie chuckled, shaking her head as Nick stormed out of the room. She grabbed a bottle of Cuervo that her uncle had hidden in the back of the cabinet and hopped off the counter. She unscrewed the cap and took a swig. Looking instantly refreshed, she made her way through the overly large home and into the living room. Judge Mathis was voiced loudly from the plasma television.
"Ya honor, she tol' me that they was gon' pay for the damage on mah home, aright? And so, so, I says okay, ya'll do that since ya'll was the ones that fu-beep it up anyways, right?"
"Oh NO. No. Ya honor, she tryna act like all dat was my man and that ain't what happened. She was havin' a party and she went crazy ass drunk, and she was tryna get all up in mah man's face like she some hot thang an' sh-beep--"
Judge Mathis cut her off and banged the gavel as the two women started bickering back and forth loudly. Jalie paused for a moment until the phone rang, then set her bottle down on an end table. She headed back into the kitchen to answer it. The cameras stayed focused on the living room as the sliding glass door leading in from the courtyard slid open. Jalie's brother, Jorge 'Jay' Dumas, entered the living room in stealth mode. He crept over to the TV and unplugged it. He lifted it with considerable effort and hauled it out the door to his waiting truck parked across the yard. Moments later he darted back in and swiped the bottle of tequila off the stand as well. Jalie's voice was heard shouting in the kitchen.
"Are you fuckin' deaf, man? We don't want any! No quiero! Call one more time and I will hunt you down and shove your noodles, and your bamboo hat up your fucking ass."
She slammed the phone down and stepped back into the living room. Reaching for her bottle of liquor, she paused, it being gone. The absence of angry, bickering black women on the court show left a ringing silence in the room. Jalie blinked. Things were slowly adding up. Costly electronics were missing. An entire bottle of tequila disappeared into thin air. Foul play was afoot. Jalie noticed the sliding glass door standing open and followed along outside. The main gate was standing open. With a sigh she walked across the courtyard and looked out. Jay's red pick-up was parked off to the side. In the bed were three televisions, all expensive. Jay had just finished securing the living room TV with bungee cords. Jalie's bottle of Cuervo was sitting on the tailgate.
"What the FUCK are you doing?"
Jay jumped, obviously startled. He plastered a grin onto his features that always meant he was up to something. His sister never bought his bullshit excuses. Jay dropped the smile and pulled a newspaper clipping out of the pocket of his baggy khaki shorts.
"Look, Lielee, baby girl you know how I've been short on cash, right?" He began slowly, as though testing the waters. Jalie simply nodded. Her arms crossed over her chest.
"Right, well I found this."
He handed her the clipping, looking hopeful. Jalie took it from him and examined it.
"Donate plasma, save lives…" She read aloud. "Forty dollars… Instant cash. Make a difference, donate today."
She looked up at Jay with his delightful expression. She almost felt bad to knock him off his little cloud. Almost.
"You're a jackass. Plasma. Like blood. Donate bodily fluids, you dumbass. Not electronics. Go put our TV's back where they fucking belong."
Jay stood still a moment looking crestfallen.
"NOW!" She ordered. Jay scrambled back to the truck and started un-loading. She took the bottle off the tailgate and made her way back into the yard. She passed through the column-lined walkway leading between the two sections of the house and into the backyard. A bikini-clad Cyprus had un-rolled a slip and slide and was hooking up a hose to it. Kendra was in a bikini as well in preparation for the water fight. Orphan was conversing with Seth, who had just recently gotten home. Jalie took another shot and set the bottle down on the table. Seth made his way over to her and sat down, pulling her onto his lap.
"So, any plans this week?" Seth asked casually.
"Nothing in particular. There's a press conference, I think… Which you know I despise. But I'll get through it I suppose. Anything that gets me closer to the pay per view. I'm primarily just amused by Callisto's little chatter. But eventually it'll piss me off. It's like walking into a room full of birds. At first it's kind of cute. You know, silly twittering and such. But after a while it turns into blatant squawking. That gets tiring after a very short period of time. Whatever happens, I won't mind the opportunity to put boot-prints on her face."
"Rawr. Feisty little thing, eh?"
"LIELEE! Here! Now!" Cyprus shouted.
Cyprus had completed her set up of the slip and slide. Kendra was stretching beside a lounge chair near the pool. Jalie stood up and yawned.
"Last one there's a moderately aged and highly indigestible egg!" Cyprus proclaimed. The three girls darted toward the slip and slide as the scene faded out.
The scene fades in to the simple scene of Jalie Thomas and Cyprus Lolita sitting against a backdrop of black. Cyprus was leaning back in her chair examining her acrylic nails while Jalie fidgeted with a patch on the knee of her jeans. Cyprus was donning a pink dress with black skull and crossbones printed across it. Her boots were tapping on the floor impatiently. Jalie's feet were bare and tucked beneath her on the chair. She had on a Black Sabbath hoodie to which she'd added a number of sharpie squiggles. From behind the camera Hobo Nick's voice was heard.
"Hey! Dumbass! We're on! … I think…"
Nick's bushy eyebrows crept upward in front of the camera lens. Every age spot and wrinkle was highly visible in the sudden close-up. One eye was wide open and peering into the camera curiously. Jalie was looking off at the monitor.
"Uhh, yeah, we're on. Nick. We're on. NICK!"
"RIGHT-O!"
Nick's head disappeared and the picture shook slightly. Jalie cleared her throat.
"Alright. Here we are… Wicked Intentions, 'bout to make a statement on shit we heard earlier. Mostly because we didn't have anything better to do. We've got Callisto trying' to make us seem like these horrible evil-doers. Like we just did all this shit all of a sudden and it wasn't warranted in the slightest. What the fuck is she thinking? We got sick of their shit so we did something about it. For her to proclaim us as under-handed is laughable. Karma, coming back to bite us on the ass? Pfft. That's where you're wrong, darlin'. We ARE karma. Payback for you subjecting these viewers to your skanky visage every time you get a chance. You disgust me. Nick if you've figured out the playback let's have a little clip, shall we?"
After a moment of fumbling and a couple high-pitched tones, Callisto's voice sounds from a small tape player off to the side of the set.
"That Cyprus and Jalie are only a blip on my radar screen because they chose to steal from me. They chose to come out to the ring and take what didn’t belong to them."
"Harsh words. Harsh indeed. Cy I'll let you take this one."
Jalie leaned back and dropped her bare feet to the floor. Cyprus stopped her fidgeting and turned to face the camera.
"Right. For one thing, we didn't just walk out while you happened to be in the ring and swipe the belts while you weren't looking… Although, with the piss poor fight you two put up, we may as well have."
"Ouch…" Jalie noted.
"We were booked. In a sanctioned, run of the mill match. Were we like, not supposed to fucking show up? Is that what it takes to get you to quit bitching and whining? Face it, slutbag. We. Beat. You. As in pinned. One, two, three. Over. You presume to say it doesn't belong to us? And why? Because you called it first? Clue in, bitch. It doesn't fucking work that way. You work for what you get and you work to keep it. And you couldn't keep up. Hell, you couldn't even keep your baby daddy around. For a so-called goddess, that must be pretty frustrating, yeah?"
"Dude, even I think that was low." Jalie said.
"…No you don't." Cyprus added.
"You're right. I have no soul. Anyway moving on… What's next, Nick?"
Fumbling with the tape deck was heard and Nick finally got the next voice clip.
"I don’t know what Christian thinks about it, but I think that they’ll have their stable mates come out to their side once more. That they will just all team up against as again. It’s the only way they know how to do things. I don’t think they believe in a fair fight."
"Hmm. That's funny… Because, at the last event, I do believe we all won our respective matches without any outside help. I'm guessing she just decided to overlook that?" Jalie asked.
"Well, all I know is, if ignorance is bliss, she must be the happiest woman in the fucking world." Cyprus added. "Moving on…"
"My match was Kendra was pathetic. Besides the fact that she isn’t that great in the ring, Orphan showing up and touching me and then the shit he pulled with Christian, the entire stable needs to be taken out of the game."
"No no no. That wasn't pathetic. Orphan was doing the world a goddamn favour. We're sick of watching you get slut-tastic on national television." Jalie said simply.
"Hear hear!" Cyprus shouted.
"And who gives a shit if he touched Barrows? He brought it on himself. By associating with you. And by being… Well, an illiterate motherless fuckhead. Not to mention he's fucking you which makes him an imbecile by association."
"Nobody likes a leper, Christian. We shun them." Cyprus again put in her two cents.
"Yeah nobody likes herpes either but I'm assuming he never got that memo."
"This shit is going to stop. I refuse to put up with it. The titles should not have left our waists and I will make sure we get them back. If those bitches think that they can really stop me, I bag them to try. All the more reason for me to hold nothing back."
Jalie and Cyprus exchanged glances, both looking baffled.
"So… Does that mean she was holding back before now? Because that would explain a lot." Cyprus said, tapping her index finger on her chin in a sign of deep pondering. Or ponderment. Hell, let's go with ponderment. I, the narrator, deem that a word. Let's re-phrase, kids!
--Cyprus said, tapping her finger on her chin in a sign of deep ponderment.
Yeah. Much better. Moving on.
"She refuses to put up with it? Us? Huh? Well if she doesn't wanna put up with us she should leave us the fuck alone. Not that I'm complaining to have a chance to fuck her up." Jalie noted. "She called us bitches, Cy. Because, you know, we've never heard THAT before. And apparently, she doesn't think we can stop her from regaining the titles. In fact, she bags us to try. You hear that, Lo?" Jalie asked.
"Duly noted, Lie. She bags us. As articulate and knowledgeable as I am, I don't believe I've heard that term. 'I bag them to try.' …Unless of course her narrator came up with it."
"We, who will went as one to rage, shall finally experience the results of the dark deeds that we shall do to one another. We shall all go as one to the misery and suffering of our own personal hells. Only this time, it shall not be Christian and I who fall and lay helpless at the feet of those slobs. They will not withstand their punishment from us this time. The demons of the underworld are calling their names, screaming for their souls. I am obligated to bring them to them, and I will!"
Jalie and Cyprus were in stitches, giggling uncontrollably. Jalie finally regained her composure and looked into the camera.
"We who will went as one to rage. What the fuck are you talking about? Are you honestly trying to be formidable? The personal hells you speak of have already been brought to surface in our lives. And you know nothing of them, nor do you need to. You don't have a clue as to what the fuck you're talking about. Demons of the underworld, my ass. We ARE the fucking demons of the underworld! And quite frankly, we're getting sick of you assuming what we do and do not want."
"Precisely," Cyprus began, a sly smirk on her features. "So unless you plan on pulling a bolt of lightning from that cavernous vagina Barrows calls home, I think you should stop acting so fucking high and mighty."
"Yessuh! So, until next time kids…"
Cyprus and Jalie lean together, grinning.
"This has been a Wicked, FucKKeD up production!"
..-fade.