“I fold... I can’t take the pressure.” he said softly.

Carmen went to rub his shoulder, a look of pity crossing her face. Cody leaned back in his chair and breathed a deep sigh. Jalie scratches her chin then digs in her pocket and removes a receipt from the local mini-mart. She tosses it on the table and glances at Nick, who’s looking impressed.

“Alright then... I see your receipt, and I raise you... A condom.” he said.

He pulled a bright orange condom from his trenchcoat pocket and laid it on the ever-increasing pile of worthless crap. Seth let out a low whistle.

“I’ll match it...” he said, throwing in a travel packet of flavored lube. Carmen raised an eyebrow at Jalie, who was giving Seth a look like he’d bet an obscene amount of cash.

Carmen dug in her pockets and found them empty. Instead, she pulled her arms inside her t-shirt and, a few moments later, pulled her bra out through the sleeve and tossed it on the table.

“Dude, nobody wants that.” Jalie said.

“I know,” Carmen replied. “I just wanted it off.” With that, she removed an earring and placed it on the table. Cody was looking increasingly uncomfortable.

“What the fuck is with you?” Seth asked, half of him not wanting an answer.

“I feel kinda funny..” Cody said, “Like when I used to climb the rope in gym class.”

A chorus of “eww”s and “aw, man”s went up around the table.

“Let’s just finish the fucking game.. Please.” Jalie begged.

Everyone turned to Seth expectantly. He took a deep breath and looked over the four of them before settling his eyes on Hobo Nick.

“Aright... Got any two’s?” Seth asked.

A slow grin crept across Nick’s face.

“Go fish.” he muttered.

Seth let out a few curses before drawing from the pile in front of him. Nick then turned his attention to Jalie.

“Got any eight’s?” he asked.

Jalie sighed and handed over the card. Nick placed the last of his hand in the matching pile and gave a short chuckle as he pulled the pile of random shit toward him. Everyone slowly got up from their chairs with looks of disappointment. Nick scooped his winnings into an empty grocery bag from his pocket and carried it with him as they all went into the living room to sit down.

»D o s. [the morning after]

The scene returned to the familiar setting inside the mall. A large red chair was set up amidst Christmas Trees, fake presents, large candy canes, and the backing of a cardboard gingerbread house. Santa had not yet arrived, nor had anyone else for that matter. In front of the setting a line had developed that stretched nearly to the exit, with no one but Jimmy Stryker to try and settle the shouts from overbearing and impatient parents. Plus, of course, the constant tirade of children sniveling and complaining.

“Hey, this is supposed to open half an hour ago! Where the hell is Santa?!” a morbidly obese mother shouted.

“Santa is on.. His.. Way.. Go have a donut for christ’s sake, will ya?” Stryker pleaded.

The woman opened her mouth to protest.. Or perhaps it was feeding time.. Whichever. Anyway, she was interrupted by the chorus of cheers that rang out from the children. Seth Thomas, or, Santa, had stumbled onto the tiny stage and collapsed into the chair. Stryker rushed up to meet him.

“Where the hell have you been? And pull your damn beard up!” he hissed.

“Uhhm.. I was.. Er.. Heh.” seth stuttered. He ended it by erupting into a fit of giggles. Cody Carson and Carmen Dumas appeared beside him, both dressed as elves. Jimmy took one look at Cody and grinned.

“Nice tights.” he noted.

“Hey, you’re the one that signed us up for this fucking thing. One more smartass comment and i’ll shove this so far up your ass you can taste it.” Cody threatened, brandishing a candy cane at him.

“Ehh.. Fine. But where’s Mrs. Clause?” Jimmy asked.

Before Carmen could answer a crash came from behind the tiny throne. Jalie tumbled onto the stage and quickly stood up, glancing at Seth in confusion.

“Are we early?” she asked.

“No.. You’re late. And highly intoxicated.” Carmen replied.

“What?!” Stryker yelped. “Oh no... No no no. EWO put me in charge of the whole Holiday bullshit.. And my Santa comes in drunk. Just fucking perfect.” Stryker moaned.

“You just had to have a little hair of the dog, right? I knew this was gonna happen. Jalie, you can never have just one shot...”Carmen said.

Jalie ignored her and brushed the fake snow off her top. Seth turned his gaze to her and leaned over the side of his chair to peek underneath her bright red skirt.

“Can we get this moving? I need to finish my shopping..” an impatient mother blurted.

Cody and Carmen took their places at the beginning of the line as Seth straightened up somewhat. Jalie pulled up her stool and sat down while Cody brought the first kid up and sat him on Seth’s lap. Seth hiccupped, staring the kid in the face for a moment before finally speaking.

“Whaddya want?” Seth demanded.

“Uhm... I want a remote control Cadillac Escalade, a subscription to X-Box live, a new skateboard, one of the-”

“Christ! What happened to a bike? Or a bebe gun? Or a hunting knife? What the hell is wrong with kids today? Get away from me, you sicken me...” Seth interrupted.

The kid, looking confused, slid off Seth’s lap and went to walk away - but not before getting caught in the side of the head by one of the candy canes Jalie was handing out. He grabbed it up off the floor and took off. Cody brought up the next kid, this time a little girl, and placed her on Seth’s lap.

“Yeh?” Seth said, gruffly.

“Santa, this year I just want my puppy back. He went to heaven last month and I miss him.. And I thought since you could do magic that you could bring him back...” she pleaded.

Seth looked confused, and finally dug in his pocket for a twenty dollar bill. He handed it to the girl.

“Your mommy probably ran Rover over in the driveway. There’s a twenty, you can get a new dog.” he said. He shoved her off his lap and she, too, was nailed with a candy cane before exiting the stage.

“Hey, can’t you go a little easier on them? They’re just kids, man..” one of the fathers said.

There was a sharp crack as one of the candy canes connected with his head. Cody ignored the situation and was about to bring the next kid up when Seth stood up, faced the gingerbread house, and began to relieve himself.

“Aww, dude...” Cody muttered.

Jalie was in a fit of giggles, and about to follow Seth’s example when Carmen grabbed her by the arm. Stryker was caught up in a sea of angry parents. Seth finished up and tucked his pants back up, looking around nervously before grabbing the last of the candy canes and stuffing them in his pants. He strolled off the stage, whistling and trying to look inconspicuous. Cody and Carmen followed him, Carmen practically dragging Jalie behind her. The cameras turned, focusing on the downed Stryker in the now empty area.

.[Guilty as Charged].

Seth Dryden.

My my. Dost my ears deceive me?

It would appear I have a challenge.

And, it is about time too. As of yet i’ve faced a whole lot of nothing... People who i’ve looked at as sheep. It’s not something i’m proud of, obviously. I can do much better... So much better. The fact that my ability was being so poorly mis-used was beginning to bother me severely. Then again, i’m not the only one that has had this little problem. Dryden has faced this type of adversity as well. Even in RWA, he was under-used. So was I. But now... That’s all changing. Because it would appear that the darling EWO staffers have now realized our true potential and signed us in this tremendous world title bout. Triple tier cage. Ain’t that something. Looks almost like a violent wedding cake. If that makes any sense. Sure it does. I suppose. But getting back to my point... Dryden is, by far, one of the most talented professional wrestlers in the business today. And it is about fucking time that the world title hunt involved someone other than Legend, Dunn, or Bill Dynamite. Christ, people.. Was that really the best you could do? I’ve seen better performances in a strip club. What was I doing in a strip club? Well, that would be my own business. But the fact remains. Now... Seth Dryden and I have some of the best records i’ve seen in a while. Although we both may have been building it up on talentless slutbags, it’s still impressive. It’s not like we can choose who we’re booked against. One of us will suffer our first EWO loss after Guilty is Charged. I can’t speak for Dryden, obviously... But if I had to lose? It would sure as fuck be against him. So as you may have guessed... Yes, Dryden does have my respect. If not from what he’s accomplished elsewhere, then from what i’ve seen him do here.

Johnny Legend...

It is no great mystery that the match is going to come down between Seth Dryden and I. Dunn and Legend are fucking filler. All simple contractual obligations. Dunn just lost the title, so he gets a rematch. And Legend, in the worst possible showing for EWO, is our lowly world champion. What a pity. I’d like to think we look good to those who look over the company but Legend’s example.. Well, it leaves much to be desired. I suppose, as in many men’s lives, that’s simply a mirror of his sex life. Again, a pity. Come to think of it, i’ve heard of men getting certain cars to make them feel better about their.. Short-comings.. But never have I heard of a guy who has changed his name for the purpose. That, my friends, is humor. After all, what the fuck else could it be? Could he call himself ‘Legend’ because he is a legend in the business? Certainly not. Perhaps because of his unsurpassed talent in the ring..? I highly doubt it. Maybe he has some sort of fetish porn background that no one quite knows about yet- and that’s where it stems from. So far, this is the only reasonable excuse I can come up with.

Dylan Dunn...

Haha. I hate you. You knew that though, right? After all the times I have made your life a living fucking hell, ruined your golden opportunities, and went out of my way to simply piss you off. It’s because I hate you. And every time you get pissy, and call me a bitch, or (if you’re feeling saucy) a slut.. It makes me smile. Because it proves my point on how you are fucking pathetic. You boast about headlining most of EWO’s shows. That is not an accomplishment my friend. That is an insult to AJ Epic’s intelligence. You’ve paraded around as EWO’s big thing, when you’ve done nothing to deserve that label. Simply put- you suck. Badly. Like a fucking Backstreet Boy/NSync orgy. And you look the part, too. If I ever decide to frost my hair... I know who to talk to. There’s just something about you that makes me wanna strangle you half to death, castrate you with a rusty butterknife, stab you in the face with a saudering iron and toss you in a boiling vat of beer like in that scene from Rapid Fire. Was it Rapid Fire? No... Showdown in Little Tokyo. The movie blows, but the scene was cool. Which is funny, because you remind me of Dolph Lundgren. You know, bodybuilder who tried acting for a while? People said he was the next Arnold Schwarzanegger but it never panned out. He, too, frosted and spiked his hair. You are nothing to me, Dunn. Nothing but muscle and hair gel.

Now.. I know there’s gonna be alot of “I’ve waited my whole career for this moment” and a few “I’ll take what belongs to me” and maybe even a “don’t touch me there”.. But not from me. My deal is this.. I have not waited my entire career for a world title shot. I’ve waited my entire career... Period. I sit around, I take the matches that are thrown at me and occasionally get some sort of piece of shit title. Absolutely nothing has changed. The only difference is, this title isn’t a complete piece of shit. Sure, the guy holding it makes it seem that way... But it’s a world title none the less. Sure, i’m thankful for the opportunity.. Because it means someone saw some talent in me. But i’m not basing my life on anything I do in the ring. Wrestling is a hobby. I like doing this, and I know for a fact i’m pretty fucking good at it. Am I the best? Hell no. But i’m not the worst, either. And i’m content with that. Gaining the world title would mean that i’m the best in the EWO. Technically. Legend and Dunn have both held it and neither of them are, or ever were, the best in EWO. Their title reigns were not flukes, just a matter of poor booking and a lack of competition.

Now it’s a matter of talent- and who gets the upper hand that particular night. Will it be me? Will it be Dryden? Will Legend further his affair with Dunn’s second cousin twice removed? Tune in next week to find out.

Fin.