“Shut your hole, perfidious swine!” Nick shouted back.

Jalie glared at him, but short of leaping down onto him she had no real form of offense from her current position. By the time she decided to climb down and take care of things up close, she realized Nick had sold the ladder to a tiny Vietnamese woman who was carrying it off to her SUV. She stood and walked carefully across the roof to look over at the backyard. Seth was standing at their barbecue, completely naked except for an apron that read “Canadian Bacon”. Jalie whistled and attempted to signal him by flailing her arms. He remained completely oblivious, swaying slightly to the music coming from the headphones he was wearing.

“Seth! Seth! Seth! Pay attention god damnit! SETH!”

Jalie’s furious shouting sent her off-balance. She slipped on the terracotta tiles and slid down off the roof, dropping over twenty feet and landing with a tremendous splash in the pool below. Seth was singing along and shaking his bare ass.

“Well she’s all you’d ever want, she’s the kind I’d like to flaunt and take to dinner!”

Jalie surfaced and swam to the edge, coughing and sputtering.

“Well, she always knows her place. She’s got style, she’s got grace, she’s a winner.”

Jalie pushed herself out of the water and laid on the concrete beside it, gasping for air and clutching her ribs.

“She’s a lady! WHOA WHOA WHOA She’s a lady! Talkin’ about my little lady! And the lady is MIIIINE!”

Jalie got to her feet and wrung out her hair, trying to ignore Seth despite his vigorously shaking hindquarters. She squeezed water out of her t-shirt and then unbuttoned her jeans, peeling them down her legs and tossing them onto a lawn chair. She stood there in her t-shirt and underwear, glaring at her husband when a voice sounded behind her.

“I give it a six point five. The jump was messy and the splash was anything but minimal.”

Jalie turned and came face to face with Tyler Lukas. He was splattered with water and was wringing it out of his large foam cowboy hat. She raised an eyebrow.

“I’d like to see you try that.” she said, grabbing the hat from him and putting it on. It was heavy with water and sagged down over her eyes. Tyler looked up at the roof thoughtfully. Jalie was still standing there, telling him of the enormous difficulty of a jump of that magnitude, when she heard a shout from the roof. She pushed the hat upward and saw Tyler on the roof.

“YIPEE-KI-YAY!”

He leapt off the roof, tucked himself into a ball, and landed in the pool with a splash that doused the fire on Seth’s grill. Seth blinked and removed his headphones.

“Alright… Who fucked up my steak?” he demanded.

Tyler emerged from the water, grinning. Jalie pointed an accusing finger at him. Unsure of what he was being accused of, Tyler took the safest route and pointed his finger at Jalie in return. Seth stared at him for a moment before sidling over to Jalie.

“Isn’t that one of the Lukas boys?” Seth asked.

“Mhmm. Tyler.”

“And… Isn’t he one of your opponents this week?”

“I’m not sure. Probably?”

“Then do you want to explain to me why he’s using our swimming pool?” Seth asked.

“Because he’s awesome?” Jalie shrugged. “Oh, also because Carmen needs to talk to him.” she added.

Seth looked confused. “Why the hell does Carmen need to talk to him?”

At that moment, Eva Lukas rounded the corner of the house and walked up to Jalie, giving her a hug. Seth gave her a brisk wave and walked back to the grill. Eva grimaced and looked at Jalie.

“Would it kill him to put some pants on?” she asked.

“Hey, it’s his house. He’s only wearing the apron in case of splatters.”

Hobo Nick came swaggering out the sliding glass doors. He was counting a stack of cash and laughing like a Bond villain. He caught sight of Eva and smirked.

“I want yo body, I need yo body, long as you got me you won’t need nobody, you want it I got go get it I’ll buy it, tell dem other broke niggas be quiet!” Nick shouted.

He waved a stack of fives at Eva and bit his lower lip in what he clearly thought was a seductive manner. Jalie kicked him viciously in the shins.

“Quit hitting on my sister, fuckhead!”

Eva’s eyes widened and she pulled Jalie backward. She cast her eyes around for Tyler Lukas, but he was currently underwater.

“Shut up! I’m supposed to keep up the charade until Walsh gets some sort of dirt on the Lukas’. Something to keep them under his thumb. Besides, if any of them knew I wasn’t related I’d drown in the testosterone.”

Jalie frowned. “Fine. I hate that you’re working for Shawn anyway, though. I’m certain he only hired you to fucking frustrate me.”

“Oh, please. I don’t think he’d go that far.”

Jalie stared at her like you would stare at a thirty year old believer in Santa Claus.

“Look, Carm-”

Tyler broke the surface of the water and Jalie changed her words mid-sentence.

“Err, Eva… Just watch it. Shawn has ulterior motives for having ulterior motives, you understand me?”

Eva shook her head. Jalie sighed. Tyler was trying to gain some semblance of coolness while trying to stay afloat and wink at Eva simultaneously. Eva didn’t look amused.

“Hey there, cousin.” she said pointedly.

Tyler’s grin disappeared and he looked a little embarrassed. He waved to her and slowly disappeared back under the surface of the water. Jalie turned back to her sister with a frown.

“You’re really not cut out for this shit.” she said simply.

Eva, or rather Carmen, crossed her arms over chest and stuck her lower lip out.

“You never let me do anything. You’re the tough, street smart mega-bitch who thinks her little sister doesn’t know shit about the world.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re the only person in the world I’ve ever known to get date raped twice and then marry the guy.” Jalie shot back.

“Cody and I just had a misunderstanding!” Carmen yelled.

Jalie snorted. At that moment, Cody Carson himself stepped out of the house. He was wearing swim trunks and had a fluorescent purple inflatable ring around his waist. His bare feet slapped on the cement as he stomped past Carmen. He cast her a dirty look, lost count of his steps, and fell face first into the water, much to the surprise of Tyler Lukas. Tyler dog paddled to the opposite end of the pool to regain some personal space. Cody looked forlorn, floating in the middle of the pool with the purple ring up under his armpits. After one too many fights about his accumulating injuries, Carmen had thrown him out of the house. Just when he thought it would be safe to return, he found out she’d sold the house and rented a condo in Miami. Life was kicking him in the nuts.

“Carson if you piss in my pool I’ll have Nick drown you in it.” Seth commented lazily.

“Does everyone think I’m fucking retarded?!” Cody demanded, his purple floatie bobbing in the water and slapping him in the face.

Tyler, Jalie, Seth, Carmen, and Hobo Nick nodded simultaneously. Jalie and Carmen’s brother Jay poked his head around the side of the house to nod his agreement. Cody let himself slip through the ring and underwater, giving the distinct impression he was going to simply drown himself. Jalie and Carmen each took seats on the lounge chairs beside the barbecue. Seth had fired it back up and was grilling bratwurst while going over various sausage-related puns. Jay and Nick had invented a game that involved each of them throwing tater tots to Tyler, which he tried to catch in his mouth. After about three minutes of this, when the deep end was becoming littered with soggy tater tots, it occurred to Carmen that Carson was still underwater.

“He can’t swim.” she said to Jalie.

Jalie shrugged. “He’s probably just doing it for attention.”

“What, drowning?”

Jalie nodded and leaned back in the chair, closing her eyes. Hobo Nick was using the pool skimmer to collect the missed tater tots. He lifted the skimmer and began eating the soggy potatoes, all the while gazing at the blurred form of Cody underwater.

“Anybody gonna drag his ass out of the water?” Nick asked.

“He won’t sustain any real damage until he’s been without oxygen for about four minutes.” Jalie said casually.

“Six minutes and counting.” Seth said, turning over the bratwurst with a pair of tongs.

Carmen, being the kind soul that she is, couldn’t handle the tension any longer. She kicked off her shoes and dove into the water. A few seconds later, she surfaced, dragging an unconscious Carson to the edge of the pool. Jay dragged him by the ears until he was lying on the cement on his back. Nick grabbed the pool skimmer and took a large backswing, thumping the handle down in the middle of Cody’s chest. On the fourth hit, he gasped and coughed up a large amount of water. Jay and Nick resumed the tater tot toss. Tyler, however, was distracted by the sight of Carmen, or, Eva, peeling off her wet t-shirt to stand in nothing but her lacy pink bra and short shorts. Nick pelted him with a tot to the eye which caught his attention. Nick made sure Jalie wasn’t looking then gave Tyler and evil glare, mouthing the words “She’s mine.”