September. 07, 2008 - I'm broken

I'm not the person I once was. I lost all my dignity and pride last summer, and I don't know if I can ever fully recover. Trust me... you don't want to know what it is like to have a girl you've been with for four years out of the blue cheat on you. A part of me died that day. She said it was all my fault and that I pushed her away, I was always mean, and I wasn't the person I used to be. I guess that's what happens when you get comfortable. Being told that you don't want to be seen again by her or the people she surrounds herself with was just a firm reminder of what little I really had. In the end it was the friends that have been there for me since I moved to Altus. I'll never forget you. You helped me through one of the hardest times in my life. And I'm still trying to recover from it.

I found out that the best way to recover from something like that isn't to be spiteful and go around trying to fuck everything in sight. Although, it did help me get my swagger back after being humiliated. All in all I will never be able to come to terms with it. I will never be able... no matter how many girls I use in retaliation... give you the feeling you gave me. I hate you. I fucking hate you for what you did to me. You snobby self-centered bitch. I don't know what stops me from leaving you high and dry every fucking day.

I haven't had sex in a good 4 or 5 months. It's not the sex part that bothers me. It is being happy and sharing that special connection with someone I love. I thought I had it. Fuck... I thought.... I fucking had it.

I want to heal.

-leet





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