>(H)< FORWARD >(H)<

For Charlie Haas things were going seemingly well. A few weeks ago at Fatal Fusion, Charlie put his conflict with Jericho at rest as he defeated him in a submission match. After beating one half of the tag team champions, one would think that Haas would be in line for some form of a title shot. And he was, but only thanks to Eric Bischoff becoming the Meltdown Executive. So the match was made, last week it was Shannon Moore facing off against Charlie Haas with the Intercontinental title on the line. After Shannon Moore had taken part in a brutal ladder match with Shawn Michaels the week before, Haas was going into the match as the better half but the outcome was not one of prosperity. Stephanie McMahon made her way down to the ring in order to distract Charlie as Shannon Moore then hit the Mooregasm for the win. Now, seven days later, Charlie’s had enough and he looks to take his anger out on the sort he knows best...women. Haas has beaten one tag champion, now can he beat the other?

>(H)< END FORWARD >(H)<

>(H)< • SCENE 1 – THE ANTI-CLIMAX • >(H)<

Shannon Moore’s music can be heard ringing in the sound system at ringside as the fans are roaring with delight. Meanwhile Charlie Haas is making his way backstage from the curtains and starts walking to his locker-room with a look of frustration all over his face. The camera zooms into Charlie and he looks extremely close to crying. He puts an arm over his face so that the cameras don’t pick anything up, but soon after, Haas doesn’t care and just continues walking. As he takes a few steps further, a shadow starts to follow him and before long, he enters the scene. It’s Todd Grisham.

WIW Virgin | Todd Grisham: - Charlie, Charlie I was thinking maybe you’d like to say a few words about what just happened out there tonight. You nearly had the match one and then Stephanie came down...

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - You don’t need to recreate the events you bastard, I know damn well what happened out there. Todd, this is injustice. I had that match in the bag, everyone knows it. Then that bitch Stephanie decides to make her way to the ring, and why – to cost me the match? If I don’t get a rematch, they’ll be hell to pay.

WIW Virgin | Todd Grisham: - Well Charlie, does this not give a reflection of how Shawn Michaels felt at Fatal Fusion when you screwed him out of an Intercontinental title win?

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Hey, Charlie doesn’t screw anyone, alright? Except maybe a hot blonde with double D’s but I don’t expect you to know anything about that. Todd, what I did to Michaels at Fatal Fusion was different. It was different because he messed up that Superkick when he hit it on Stephanie. I did what any man would’ve...I ducked. And if that meant Stephanie getting a black eye, then well, that ain’t my problem is it? But tonight? She had no business, NO BUSINESS out there. I mean think about it, I could be the new Intercontinental Champion right now. I’d be on a list of greats, a list with names such as Johnny Nitro, Mr Perfect and Chris Jericho.

Haas stops speaking as he is clearly ticked off at the outcome of the match just moments ago.

WIW Virgin | Todd Grisham: - Charlie, you mentioned Chris Jericho which reminds me. Now if my sources tell me correctly, you’ve been given a match against one of the most unique female wrestlers this company has ever seen. You gave a list of a few great Intercontinental champions, but this woman is also a previous champion. Charlie, next week you are supposedly going up against Jericho’s tag team partner Chyna! What do you make of that!?

Charlie looks at Todd and stays immobile before giving a slight chuckle.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Chyna? Are you kidding me? The same Chyna who had to release a second-rate porno because she was financially unstable? The same Chyna who has to team with someone like Jericho in order to get some gold? Hell, the same Chyna that I beat two years ago in a triple threat match? That’s right, I’ve beaten her before Todd, so what’s changed? I’m better than I was two years ago. Back in 2005, I was on the verge of becoming a solid superstar for the future, and I did exactly that at Halloween Massacre when I won the US title. But before that, before I won that title I was a nobody. I’ll admit it, Todd, I was a nobody who had to get under JBL’s wing after he left the Billion Dollar Corporation. And you know what, that makes me feel like crap inside. The fact that it took me a year just to make a mark in this business, that’s pathetic, but considering its gotten me the greatest title reign in history in addition to being the first ever World Champ, yeah, that’s impressive. But what about Chyna, Todd?

WIW Virgin | Todd Grisham: - What about her?! It’s confirmed! You go up against Chyna next week! You...

Haas cuts Todd off in his tracks and takes over the conversation.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Todd, when I faced that bitch in 2005, she was the Intercontinental Champion. And that’s a good accomplishment, right? Being the Intercontinental Champion, that’s the exact thing I wanted to do tonight and if it weren’t for Stephanie, I may well have done that. But that’s beside the point. Todd, I’ll deal with Stephanie, make no mistake about it. But when I’m in a match, my focus turns to that. So next week, Chyna and me will be in the ring together for the first time in two years? I’m fine with that because ever since we faced each other, I’ve become the better man.

WIW Virgin | Todd Grisham: - But of course, Charlie! Chyna’s a woman! So you’d obviously be the better man!

There was a look of confusion on the face of Charlie.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Chyna’s a woman? Funny that, because the last time the world saw her vagina – and I use that term lightly – it looked like a Goddamn penis.

WIW Virgin | Todd Grisham: - You’ve seen One Night In Chyna?!

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - So I get a little curious at times. But come on, who HASN’T seen it?

WIW Virgin | Todd Grisham: - Me! Mother is strictly against me watching anything containing adult material.

There was a short silence between the two.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Todd, I’ve become the greatest WIW superstar to walk this Earth. That’s not disputable, that’s a fact. I did what other guys couldn’t do – besides lasting in bed for more than an hour. I’ve had the longest reign for any title in this business, and you’d think I’d get the respect I deserve for that, wouldn’t you? But I don’t. Instead I get treated like crap on Meltdown, hell I’d be better off on Fusion – atleast beating Steiner would only take five minutes. Todd, while I quickly rose to top by beating the likes of Edge and Triple H a couple of years ago, Chyna is still where she was back in 2005. She hasn’t improved, she hasn’t impressed and you sure as hell know that you suck when you’re Tag Team Champion with a bastard like Chris Jericho.

WIW Virgin | Todd Grisham: - But Charlie, you can’t deny Chyna’s heart. She is a huge icon for female wrestling fans worldwide!

Charlie places a hand on Todd’s shoulder and looks to teach him something.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Listen, who in the world cares about the female fans? Huh? You think a chick can hit a perfect neckbreaker like I can? You think they can hit german suplexes as well as I can? Hey, you think that women can WRESTLE as well as I can? No way, Todd. You saw what happened earlier tonight, didn’t you? Women only have one role in wrestling, and that’s to flaunt some T & A. Why do you think Eric brought in the Monday Night MILFs? Because that’s all that they’re good for!

WIW Virgin | Todd Grisham: - I must admit, those Monday Night MILFs were smokin’!

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Now would you rather see them in some panties or in a freaking ironman match?!

WIW Virgin | Todd Grisham: - Panties, Charlie! Panties!

Charlie now got a little serious as the camera zooms into his face.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - So how about Chyna listens to some advice. Forget the wrestling, you’ll never be as good as me because of the simple fact...you’re a woman. Leave the wrestling ring and enter the spotlight in another form. Become a model or something, get into Playboy again, maybe even release another porno...everybody loves a sequel, right?

Haas laughs a little.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Chyna, next week on Meltdown, I’ll do to you what I did to your buddy Jericho at Fatal Fusion. I’m gonna tear you to pieces, and then – and only then, maybe you’ll finally realize that wrestling isn’t quite your scene. Get the saucepans ready baby, because you...are heading right back into the kitchen!

Charlie arrogantly laughs louder than before as he walks off, leaving Todd looking rather perplexed. As the camera focuses on a blank-faced Todd, the scene fades to black.

>(H)< • SCENE 2 – THE NINTH WONDER OF THE WORLD...IS A MAN • >(H)<

A video package plays and it begins with a black screen. The colour changes and we see Charlie Haas with Eric Bischoff in the hallway of an unknown arena. Behind them both, are pictures of world renowned figures and images of man-made buildings in addition to Egyptian pyramids and so forth. Haas strokes his chin before smiling smugly.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - The wonders of the world. All associated men, are they not? To me, it’s similar to a wrestling business. Look at the guys in this company that is WIW. The Rock, Scott Steiner, Konnan, Shannon Moore – they’re all men! And sure, WIW is trying to keep the entire fanbase happy by introducing a new divas tag division, but that’s on Fusion, WIW’s B Show which means it’s never going to get the exposure it can get on Meltdown. I applaud Shane McMahon for playing that game, because even he knows that women...they don’t have a chance in WIW. Hell, he knew straight from the start that women are idiots when it comes to business, which is why he made the right move when he got rid of Stephanie McMahon and took full ownership. Now, I’m following his footsteps. Like the owner of WIW, I’m also taking initiative, and even if I have to take extreme measures, I will...if it means getting rid of female competitors then I’ll damn well take drastic action.

Eric just smiles as he stands by Haas’ side.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - I’m not saying women don’t deserve to live. Of course they do, this is a world of equality and what men have – women can also have. But not when it comes to what I love best. Not when WIW is involved because I refuse for WIW to become a laughing stock. We’ve already got women wrestling for championships, what next – a female General Manager?! We can’t have that!

The Genius | Eric Bischoff: - Oh we most certainly can’t, Charlie. And we won’t. Because now that I have 50% control, I’ll be sure to ridicule every female superstar on the Meltdown brand. Chyna is just the start of many things, once you beat her on Meltdown, she’ll know better.

Haas jumps on the spot, as if to prepare for the match right now.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Once I beat that manly prostitute, she’ll soon understand that she has no place on Meltdown. And hopefully Jericho will follow, which allows me to kill two birds with one stone. Chyna, she can go to Fusion. What do I care? She can go to Fusion and challenge Melina or something, but so long as she stays well clear of Meltdown, then I’m happy.

The Genius | Eric Bischoff: - Charlie, she ain’t beat you before, and she can’t beat you now!

The two men look at one another with victory in sight.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - That’s right, Eric. I’ve beaten her before. And while since those days have passed I’ve gotten better, Chyna on the other hand has run her career into the ground. I’m almost ashamed to even step into the ring with a person like that. Everyone knows that I only wrestle the best, and Chyna, ha...she’s definitely past her prime.

The Genius | Eric Bischoff: - Tell me about it! Seen those Playboy pictures, Charlie? She looks somewhat attractive in those! Yes, I said it! She doesn’t look half-bad! But now look at her, Jesus. You’d think someone cursed her out of contempt or something, because NOBODY can look THAT bad.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Eric, I always wondered why you never made a move for Chyna when she was in the WWF during the Monday Night Wars.

Eric has a look of shock on his face.

The Genius | Eric Bischoff: - Hey Charlie, you know Nitro beat RAW in the ratings, you know why that was, right? Because Chyna was getting airtime! I mean seriously, you expect to advertise a product with Chyna’s face all over it? That’s just suicide, man.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Of course, which is why I’ll be looking to send Chyna into retirement. Either that, or shift her over to Fusion because Meltdown don’t need her. She’s keeping the ratings low, when in actual fact, we could beat Monday Night Football!

The camera zooms into Haas’ face.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - On Meltdown, I’m gonna beat Chyna once and for all, and it’ll result in Meltdown...getting their best rating yet.

Haas now looks away from the camera and turns to Bischoff as the two laugh over the prospect of Chyna not being on Meltdown anymore. As the camera zooms out, the video package ends and the scene reaches a conclusion.

>(H)< • SCENE 3 – NO SUCH THING AS SAFE SEX • >(H)<

The scene opens in a rather large apartment where the camera is situated in the main lounge of the building. The camera pans all across the area before picking up some sounds from a small distance. They sound like giggles, heard from a few metres or so away. The camera tries to locate these sounds and makes its way down past the lounge and into the bathroom, a 4 piece bathroom with a crystal white basin and glamorous mirror hanging on the wall on the far end. No sounds here. The camera leaves this room and enters the bedroom. Success. Inside the room, we see two figures fondling one another on the bed and as the camera zooms in, the two figures are soon identified. Charlie Haas, dressed in pretty much nothing while his female partner is dressed in kinky lingerie. At the foot of the bed is a camera, which Charlie keeps pressing buttons on every few seconds.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Ready?

Jennifer Love Hewitt Lookalike | Sarah: - Hehe, ready!

Haas has a large smile on his face as he picks the camera up from the bottom of the bed and turns the lens to face himself. He looks into the lens and starts speaking as his face is filmed.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Ladies and gentlemen, Red Light District presents...Two Nights In Dallas, haha. I’m gonna plough this baby through the weekend, and she’s gonna enjoy every second of it.

Jennifer Love Hewitt Lookalike | Sarah: - Hurry up, Charlie! I have needs!

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Well fulfill them yourself. I’m narrating the back story, bitch?

Jennifer Love Hewitt Lookalike | Sarah: - I love it when you talk dirty!

Charlie looks at Sarah and laughs before turning back to the camera.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - A couple of years ago, fellow WIW superstar and current Tag Team Champion Chyna released a sex tape entitled One Night In Chyna, which also included a cameo appearance by one Sean Waltman, also known to wrestling fans as X-Pac or the 1-2-3 Kid. It doesn’t really matter what you know him as, he’s pretty much irrelevant in the wrestling world. After all, it’s 2007, and the crotch chop is old now. But nonetheless, Chyna released the sex tape and it sparked an outrage on internet forums worldwide! Well, months have passed, and years have gone by, but now an even bigger superstar releases a sex tape to show you how it’s REALLY done!

Haas takes a quick glance at Sarah and sees that she’s already pleasuring herself. Knowing this would keep her occupied for a few minutes, Charlie continues.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Chyna, I’m sure as hell that you’ll be watching this when it’s leaked on the internet. So I may aswell give you the message now. Toots, your time is up. You’ve stayed at the top with the best of them. Triple H, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho...those are some credible guys, but none are greater than me. This Monday night on Meltdown, I’ll let you live your dream. You’ve obviously lost your image ever since you screwed Waltman, but I can give you your image back, hey, I could give you much more than that. I could kick your ass, get you retired and out of the wrestling world! That sounds great, doesn’t it? Yep, it sure does because it means that all the wrestling fans worldwide who tune into Meltdown every Monday won’t have to see your transsexual-like face on television ever again.

Charlie lets out a little cocky smile.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - When I face you this Monday, I won’t be thinking that I’m taking on a woman. Because you’re not a female, are you? Nope, you’re much more than that. You’re butch, you’ve got legs thicker than tree branches and well, your appearance speaks for itself – you look like a man! But Chyna, I’ll say it until you get the message, I’m more of a man than you. You may have done great at track and field back in high school, but bitch I ACED TRACK AND FIELD! Perhaps you were good at javelin, well I EXCELLED AT THAT TOO! Chyna, you name me anything, and I’ll prove I’m better than you. But it doesn’t end there, does it? I mean seriously, if you honestly think that you’re better than Charlie Haas, you’ve obviously gone a little loopy, haven’t you? I’ve beaten you once before, and on Monday, I’ll beat you again for a second time. But what makes you think that YOU can beat someone as amazing as ME?! Nothing. Because deep down, I know you can’t beat me either. It’s a fact of life. Every now and then, you get superstars saying that they want to make a mark in the WIW but the best way to do it is by beating someone worthy enough to be called a King! Someone like myself!

Charlie checks Sarah. Still pleasuring. Another look into the camera.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - You’ve won the Intercontinental title, you’ve become the first ever woman to main event Fury – now Fusion, and you’re also the current Tag champion. You’re a success, make no mistake about it, you’re perhaps one of THE greatest female superstars to grace a WIW ring...but tell me, is that something to be proud of? No, it isn’t because women have no right to wrestle in the first place. Chyna, you’ve done plenty of things here in WIW, but one thing you haven’t done...is beaten me!

Sounds of pleasure are heard in the background as Haas smiles. He places the camera back at the foot of the bed before hopping onto Sarah who begins to giggle.

THREE HOURS AND 28 MINUTES LATER

Charlie and Sarah are both under the blankets, sweating and breathing heavily as Haas wipes some sweat off his forehead. Sarah turns over to Charlie and chirps with enthusiasm. Charlie ignores her and heads straight for the camera which was recording for more than three hours. Haas looks into the lens of the camera and smiles consistently before stopping to catch his breath some more.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - And that Chyna...is how it’s done, haha.

Charlie turns to Sarah who looks as if she’s daydreaming. Charlie clicks his fingers, suggesting she snaps out of it.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - I didn’t bring you to my apartment for you to take it easy you whore, get your ass out of my bed and make me a cup of coffee.

Jennifer Love Hewitt Lookalike | Sarah: - But...

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - I SAID DO IT!

A naked Sarah gets out of bed, quickly puts on her lacey lingerie and exits the room heading for the kitchen. Charlie shakes his head in disgust before turning back to the camera.

Master Of The Pillow Talk | Charlie Haas: - Chyna, you may have spent one night in China, but this Monday...you spend some time in my house, a wrestling ring. And a word of warning, hospitality was never my thing. So expect to get treated like the ugly beast that you are because on Meltdown, for the first time ever, I do the fans a favour......by getting your face off our television screens!

Haas hears the sound of utensils being used from the kitchen, as Charlie stops the camera from recording anymore. As the red light at the front of the camera goes off, the scene fades to black and concludes.

>(H)< END OF ROLEPLAY >(H)<