|
'bill: the drunk' Scene 1; Message. 2:18am ::The Camera lays in the corner of a darkened room. A light is switched on in the hall next to it and Notoriou$ walks in and throws is keys on the table. He walks into the living room and switches on the light and sees the red light flashing on his answer machine. He walks over and presses the button::
~bleep~ You Have 3 New Messages. N$: (To himself) Damn, if that stupid plane wasn't delayed I could've gone out with Bill and a couple of girls tonight... Damn.
~bleep~ N$: Ah man... Now I'm pissed.
~bleep~ ~bleep~ End Of Messages N$: Ah jeez, Bill's back on the sauce.
Scene 2; Sidewalk. Bill: Eh... Get Max Mini off of me... jeez... N$: Hey, c'mon beat it short stuff... ::The pack of midgets walk away shout absceneties at Dynamite:: Bill: Oh my god... N$: What, you hurt? Bill: NO. that was the most fun I ever had in my life... N$: (Angrily) Look at you. God Damn it Bill you look like a drunk... Bill: I do believe I am drunk... N$: You have a match on Sunday Night and you're behaving like an amature... Gettin' drunk, fightin' midgets... Bill: Just like old times eh... N$: (Chuckles) Damn it Bill... Get in the car.
Scene 3, Drive. Bill: (Singing) Did you ever know that you're my heeeeerooooo...!! N$: Shut up man, I'm tryin' to drive here... Bill: Remember that? When you sang that to me on the edge of my hospital bed...? N$: Yeah Bill: Yeah... You were an idiot. N$: Hey... I think my singing helped you recover from that broken neck. Bill: I was fine 'til you went all Bett Midler on me. N$: At the time, I needed inspiration... You were the wind beneath my wings... Bill: (Laughs hysterically) You're the wind beneath my ass right now... I shouldn't have ordered that second plate of chimichanga. N$: Look, If you're gonna fart of shit, please DO NOT do it in my car Bill: I can't make any promises man N$: Ah Jesus, Wait a sec... I'm pullin' over. You can go in that public restroom. Bill: Ewww, pubic... N$: I said Public.
Scene 4, restroom. ::Notoriou$ stands arms folded next to the stinks checkin his reflection in the mirror and talking to Bill who's in a cubicle:: N$: You ok in there, Bill? Bill: Dude, I'm takin a shit not performing a triple heart bypass operation! I think I can handle it. N$: Alright, I'm just askin'. I didn't have to come in here and keep you company yunno. I'm just making sure some George Michael character doesn't take advantage of a muscle-bound drunk. Bill: Oh that's very nice of you... (Straining) Ehhhh... Ahhhh.... Ohhh Myyyy Gohhhd.. That's the stuff! N$: Ah man, what are you emptying a sack in there?! Bill: God damn right I am. N$: Ah jeez that stinks like death... Oh god I think I'm dying here... You're killin' me... Bill: If ya can't stand the heat, get outta the kitchen baby... N$: Well I'm outta here... I'll be in the car. Bill: You take care now.
Scene 5, drive (2) ::Notoriou$ drives Bill home once again. There's an awkward silence as Notoriou$ attaches a 4th air freshener tree to the rear view mirror:: Bill: Smells nice... N$: Doesn't it... Bill: You alright? N$: 30 MINUTES!... 30 minutes on the shitter... You're more full-a-shit than George Bush! Bill: Not anymore I aint... I'd recommend the janitor call a plumber in the morning. N$: Why order Chimichanga in a Samoan bar...? Bill: I don't like their Samoan food. N$: Why not? Bill: It goes straight through me... N$: Oh as opposed to the Mexican food? Bill: I didn't know... I never had their Mexican food either! N$: You feelin' Ok now? Bill: Not too bad... N$: Good. Here's your building. You ok from here or do ya want me to make you a cup of coffee to sober you up a little, then you can hit the gym tomorrow. Bill: Thanks... I'm glad you asked that. N$: Why? Bill: 'coz I have no idea how to use my coffee machine. Thank you.
Scene 6, Apartment. ::Notoriou$ and Bill sip cappacinos in the kitchen:: N$: Yunno I haven't slept for 36 hours? Bill: You should stop partying all night and get some sleep you idiot. Stop assin' around at 4 in the morning! N$: Bill if it wasn't for you I would be in bed... sleeping... hopefully for the whole day. But instead I'm rescuing your drunk ass from a pack of angry gnomes and what smelt like a fatal case of food poisoning. Bill: It wasn't fatal, I didn't die... N$: Its fatal for anybody living within 2 miles of that public restroom. Bill: Well maybe its time for me to hit the sack, I've had a tough day... N$: Yeah... Real tough. Bill: Well I'll see ya later N$: Yeah... See you at the gym tomorrow Bill: ok later. ::Notoriou$ walks out the door and shuts the door behind him. Bill stumbles into his living room, trips over the table and falls asleep on the floor:: ::Stay tuned for part 2::
|