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'for the family It's Been Emotional 20 plus years I’ve been in this business, from making barely enough money for a tin of beans, to making more money than I’ve ever dreamed. Then going from making all that money to spending all that money on drugs, booze and alcohol. The rest I wasted. But lucky for me, project x Wrestling threw me a lifeline, and I clung on with all I could. I got my fat bastard self back into shape and stopped asking Mr Tambourine Man to play a song for me. I looked at it like this, 2006 is going to be Billy D’s last year, so why not go out like a real man, like a fighter, like a champion, instead of going out wasted, pathetic and beaten. I’ve been through one hell of a year. I found out I had a son, Kevin. I found out I was adopted, that my dad hadn’t died in the fire that killed my mum, but instead he hightailed out of the country with the money from an insurance sting. My gardener and all round slave, Pedro died. Then I found out I was adopted, and if things couldn’t be anymore Hollywood and fucked up, Lawrence Jarvis turned out to be my brother. What do you do when one of your biggest rivals turns out to be your brother? You beat his ass like you were going to anyway. Since Kimberly Jarvis was married to Cody Clark, that made me his uncle. Being an uncle is being a confidant, a support network. Someone that you respect without the authority of your parents. I’m not your average uncle, and now that Cody has kicked Kimberly to the curb, I’m not longer his Uncle, and now I can tear him a new arsehole without any bad feelings… Ha, like I would have given a shit before. My Project x career did not end all too well. At High Impact I beat my brother Lawrence Jarvis for the px:w World Championship, but then it all went to shit. I was in an altercation with the man who brought Kevin up as his son for 18 years. Richard attacked me outside my home, and in self-defence I put his head through my car window. He was in a coma; they didn’t know when he’d come out. He never did. Richard died and now I have a court case in the spring of 2007, and guess what, my son is pissed. But all these family issues we have, maybe one can be sorted today. I’ve never seen eye to eye with my niece, Kimberly. Firstly, she is the son of my wankstain of a brother. Secondly, she married that fat little Canadian prick, Cody Clark. I know what you’re thinking, wasn’t I best man at his wedding? Yes I was. Lucky I was there, this guy reckons he can take a drink, but Cody was all over the place. He was a joke, falling over the Black Jack tables in Vegas after a rum and coke. I took his place on the Black Jack table, I took his place playing Poker, and if she wasn’t my niece I would have had to take over poking Kimberly, because Cody was so pissed his little chipolata wasn’t moving one little bit. But since then, I suppose I took a few shots at Kimberly, rightly or wrongly, she’s coming over today to have a chat about the WrestleFest match. Will she be there? I don’t know, but if she’s watching, I think this time she’ll be cheering for old Uncle Bill. I open the door and there she stands, glamorous like the spoilt little princess she is. "Bill." She says arms out wide, an insincere smile on her face. "Too formal. Call me... uncle Bill." I let her in and she sits down on the brown sofa in my guest area. I sit opposite and we both think of something to say, it’s the first time she’s ever been to my house. “Let’s cut to the chase, Kim.” I say abruptly. “I’m going to be in a match with your former husband, Cody, and I’m not going to lie to you, it’s going to be brutal.” “I hope it is.” She says, eyebrows raised. “Come again?” “I hope it’s brutal, I want him lying a pool of blood for what he’s done to me.” “Well I’m sure blood will be spilt. A bit of Cody’s, a bit of mine and a bit of whoever wants to get in the way.” “Kick his arse for me…” Kimberly says with a clenched fist. “What?” I ask. “Kick his arse… for me.” She responds. “Oh no no no no, Kimberly. You’ve got this all wrong. Am I fighting Cody to defend your honour? Have I challenged Cody because he did you wrong? Am I gonna take Cody to hell because you want revenge? You couldn’t be further off the mark, young Quimberly. When I was arrested for assault, I couldn’t compete at No Return, in my HOME TOWN of London. It was all set for me to defend my World Title against Drake Reno, a man with whom I have not seen eye to eye. A man with whom I had a truce with, that would end that night. But I couldn’t compete, and I could not defend my championship. Who took my place that night?” “Cody.” She says under her breath. “That’s right. Cody. He took my place in that match, and the little bastard won. He won MY World Championship. The title I never lost. He won MY TITLE in MY hometown. Do you know how that makes me feel? I know I’m a sucker for the spotlight, but that night was made for me. That night was made for Bill Dynamite to celebrate in front of his own fans, and walk out of the business on the biggest high possible. But it didn’t happen. Instead Cody took that spotlight. Cody stood in London with his arms held high, the World Championship over his shoulders, but he hadn’t beaten the champion. So Kimberly, if you think I’m going to WrestleFest IV to face Cody Clark for YOUR honour, you can go to hell because I couldn’t give two shits about Cody cheating on you. If what I hear is true, you’ve been spreading your love all over the Project X locker room anyway, so you got EXACTLY what you deserve you little slut!” “I’m leaving.” She says as she gets to her feet and storms to the front door. “Leave. Go ask daddy if he’ll buy you a new car, or a new apartment over the Thames you spoilt little princess. You don’t know how good you got it. Everything I own, I bought, except the watch that was a gift from Timex. Every penny I have, I earned. Everything I’ve done in my life I’ve done myself with nobody’s help, and I’ve done it FOR myself. But you, you’ve had everything handed to you on a silver platter with a silver spoon in your mouth. Well now you’ve been kicked to the curb by Cody Clark, and that’s the ONLY thing I won’t kick his are for because you deserve it!” “Fuck you, you fat PRICK!” She shouts as she jumps in her car. “Get lost hussy!” I slam the door and put my hands on my hips. “Jesus, Pedro, I dunno what I’m gonna do.” “Atkins Diet?” Pedro says from the couch. “Not me, idiot. About her.” “Forget about her. Concentrate on WrestleFest.” “Good Idea.” I ponder for just a few moments. “Wait a second… I thought you were dead.” He shrugs his shoulders and I shake my head in disbelief. “I need a damn drink, Pedro… I know who I can call…” Idol out.
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