'grave digger' Gabe Reno What are the lies that you are referring to, Gabe? Was I not x2w World Champion? Was I not eWo World Champion? I’m finding it hard to understand just what it is you’re talking about. My record is far from flawless, but who said it was? It certainly wasn’t me; I’ve been beaten, and I’ve been pinned in my career more than once, but that’s what you expect when you have a career spanning over 20 years. The fact is, Gabe, I am The Idol not because of the championships I’ve won and the names I’ve beaten. I am The Idol because of my outstanding reputation of being one of the best to have ever graced this planet. I don’t get that reputation from winning, I get it from just BEING. The World knows what I can do, Gabe, and they expect it, and they expect it against you and they’ll damn well get it, so will you. You wouldn’t understand where I’m coming from but it’s all about magnetism, electricity, that special ingredient that turns an ordinary professional wrestler with an ego (you) to a world famous star (me). What I said in the ring a couple weeks back on Takedown is the absolute truth and it seems you can’t handle me saying it. You continue to deny time after time that I am in fact YOUR Idol. You have looked up to me since eWo and stared in AWE in pure amazement at how one man can control a crowd, control an opponent and still have time to look fantastic. I can see the mix between jealousy and adoration in your eyes when you talk about me, Gabe, it’s cute, it makes you look childlike and believe me, when you step into the ring with me you’ll look childlike too, because you still don’t seem to understand that after all this talk and bullshit, and screwing me out of a world title, you WILL have to face me one on one and that is the major flaw in your plan to reach superstardom, because all you are right now is some kid with a bad attitude, taking your teenage angst out on those you cherish. You cherish ME. I can hear the respect when you talk about me, you can deny all you like but I can hear it. Even when you’re trying the good old (and I mean OLD) trick of calling me fat, I can hear your voice lower all so slightly, because you don’t believe the words you speak. I was wondering before whether you believed your own hype, whether you had suckered yourself into the false image you created for yourself. But I’ve figured out that maybe you’re not as confident as you like to make out. I think, that you’d like to believe your own hype, but just like everyone else, you’re not buying it, it’s just too far fetched. Why would anybody, even you, believe that someone can come into px:w, wait until the company’s biggest match of it’s existence, go in and take out the favourite, the man that’s about to win the title and expect to then BEAT that man at the next PPV? It would be an easier scenario to believe if you picked another guy but you made your mistake and picked me. You could have picked Clark. Cody would have loved an excuse for losing that match but we all know he doesn’t have one. Cody was like a deer in the headlights and Jarvis ran him down in a Hum-V. I suppose this is the reason you two are “together” now, because Clark feels somewhat grateful you didn’t hand his arse to him on a plate, or maybe Clark is sticking with you to hide his embarrassment of being slaughtered in Hell in a Cell, hanging with the man that took Dynamite out probably makes him feel as if he had something to do with it, but there’s nothing Cody can do to stop Dynamite, and if he ever tried, he’d get his fingers burnt. You could have picked Jarvis. The fact you didn’t remains the reason he is World Champion today. I hold YOU responsible, Gabe Reno, and nobody else for Lawrence Jarvis being World Champion, not even Jarvis himself. Because my destiny was to win that match and win the World Title, but you interfered with destiny, Gabe. You can only interfere with destiny for so long before it catches up with you. My destiny is to win this number one contenders match and unfortunately for you, your destiny is to get buried and never return to such magical heights again. You can’t ambush me from behind this time, Gabe. You can’t wait until I’m 40 minutes into a brutal match with two other guys before taking me out, as fresh as a fucking daisy. This time, this time I will be just as fresh as you, and when that bell rings, look up to my face and you will see me smiling like a Cheshire Cat, because finally, someone with some talent gets to take you out for good. Goodbye Gabe Reno, it’s been nice knowing ya. Nah, I’m lying, it hasn’t been nice at all. The Job At Hand Kevin and I are taking time out from our busy schedule of watching Fern & Philip and eating ice cream to relax a little. It’s getting close to my bedtime, and Kevin lies on the other sofa, fast asleep. Kevin hasn’t stepped foot in the shed since Pedro died in there, and he won’t go back until I remove the body. Well that is soon to change. I made a call to those two blokes I know, called Dave and Rob, two cheeky cockney chappies who own a market stall. They sell your usual market crap; fake brand name clothes, action figures with limbs missing and the famous bowl of Jesus fingers. They are currently fixing the security system at the graveyard and they said they would sneak in with their van, while security is switched off and steal me a coffin. Tasteless as though it may seem, it makes a lot of sense when you think about it. Pedro is not worth an expensive brand new coffin; he is a pathetic, worthless Mexican. But tonight takes a half expected turn for the worst. I get a call which I flick on speakerphone, It’s Dave from his mobile. “Bill, s’at you?” He asks. “Yes, who’s this?” I ask. “It’s Dave.” “Oh Hi, Dave. You got that coffin I take it, well bring it round now and I’ll stick it somewhere until the funeral.” “Well, no. We haven’t got that coffin. We’ve got a problem.” “What kind of problem?” “Rob’s pissed off his fuckin’ face!” “Why is Rob pissed? I asked you to do a job, and you go out drinking? That’s not professional, Dave.” “I know, I know, I’m sorry. We only meant to have a couple but we ended up challenging these two Danish blokes… Those Danes can put it away, mate.” “So what do I have to do in all of this?” I ask, although I can see the answer coming. “Well we need someone to drive the van. I’m banned for a year and Rob is totally smashed. We need you, Billy boy.” “You’re a piece of shit, you know that?” I make my way up to the bar they were in and park outside. I see Rob sitting in his van puking on the pavement. I get out and walk up to him clapping slowly and shaking my head. “Well isn’t this wonderful. If you want something done properly, kill the idiot cockneys and do it yourself. That’s what my Daddy used to say.” I say. “Is that the dad that abandoned you or the one that put you up for adoption?” Dave asks. “Shut up, Kojak! You want me to do this or not?” “Let’s go.” Says Dave. “You know how to drive a van?” “What do you think I am, stupid?” 20 seconds later and after I reversed the van into a parked car, I drive off to the graveyard. We get to the gates and drive through slowly, making our way as far in as the van can go, way into the darkness. I flick on a torch and we walk along a path to find a suitable grave. “How about that one?” Dave says, flashing his torch at a grave to his left. “That’s a kid’s grave. It has toy cars and action figures on it and everything.” I reply. “Well…” Dave begins. “Pedro is quite small.” “Dave, we’re not robbing a child’s grave.” I say shining the torch in his face. “Its clear people still visit that one, we need a grave that nobody visits, so we don’t raise suspicion. Wait, Rob, what the FUCK are you doing?” I flash to torch over to the grave and see Rob crouched over. “This is the scuba-diving Action Man with actual working harpoon.” Rob says, excitedly. “For my uh… Son.” “I can’t believe this…” I shout. “What the hell is wrong with you? That’s a dead kid’s toy!” “Well correct me if I’m wrong, but he’s not gonna be playing with them anytime soon.” Rob replies. “FOR FUCKS SAKE, ROB!” Dave screams. “Stop being such a fuckin’ pillock and help us do the job in hand.” We walk right to the back, where the graveyard backs onto some woodland behind a golf course. There’s an old gravestone, covered in moss and the weeds are overgrown. The name on the headstone can barely be read, it must be old enough. Dave, Rob and myself start digging with our shovels, the dirt piles up in no time and we get deeper and deeper into the grave. “I can’t believe I’m doing this…” I say, with my head down. “Having second thoughts, Bill?” “Yes, I should never have worn my Italian loafers. They’re gonna be so dirty. Ah I’ll just get Pedro to… No I won’t.” “Got it!” Says Rob. “I think I’ve hit the coffin.” “Okay, so lets get as much dirt from around it as possible and we’ll try and lift this fucker out.” I say, meaning THEY will dig and THEY will lift. After some hard work and much sweat, we lift the casket out of the hole and place it on the grassy ground. Rob grabs a crow bar and wrenches it open; the smell nearly knocks our heads off. “Oh man… That is dead wrong.” I say holding my nose. “Hey look.” Says Rob, holding some bones in his hands. “BONE but not forgotten, eh?” “Very funny.” I say as he throws some bones into the hole in the ground. “What’s the matter?” Asks Dave. “Looking a little… BONE Idle. Haha.” Rob starts to nibble on a leg bone. “BONE Apetite.” “Alright, knock it off.” I say, getting tired of all this shit. “Let’s get it in the van and go home.” I pull a spray can from my jeans and walk over to the headstone. I spray a message that reads… “Gabe Reno – Died July 31st 2006. Making a HUGE mistake.” Some small time later, after a shower and a shit, I just get my head down on my pillow when I hear a frantic scream coming from down stairs. I put my robe on and dash down to the kitchen as Kevin bumps straight into me in the darkness. “Oh my god, I’m having a nightmare.” He says. “Why what’s wrong?” I ask. “I thought I saw a coffin resting up against the fridge, all covered in dirt and stuff.” “Oh don’t worry about that, that’s just Pedro.” I say walking back upstairs. “I’ll move him in the morning. Too tired.” Rest In Peace, Gabe Reno. He tried so hard to displease, yet he couldn’t make an impression either way. Idol out. back