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'the promo: episode two' Joe: Hi I’m Joe Harris, and welcome back to WrestleTalk here on the Wrestling Channel. Now most of the wrestling news lately has been talk of Bill Dynamite returning to the ring. Now Pete, after 9 months out of action, does Bill still have it? Or is this a last pathetic attempt to raise his public profile? Pete: Well Joe… I gotta say, I think it’s the latter. Bill Dynamite said he was through with wrestling. He said he’s concentrating on acting. Day of the Dynamite was a huge hit at the Box Office but the sequel? Eeewww! Puke Fest, Joe. Joe: Nicely put. Pete: It stunk, Joe. Now he’s remembered for making a stinker, even though the 1st movie was great. So I believe his return to Wrestling is a marketing tool to kick start his movie career again. He’s getting himself on TV, raising his public profile that has taken quite a bashing lately and hoping that a big-shot movie producer with more money than sense will come along and say “Hey, Bill… We want you to be our next Action Hero! But I got news for Bill; you just ain’t hip with the kids no more. Frankly, I think Bill will crash and burn faster than Alliyah. Joe: Oooh, below the belt… 2 points deducted! Pete: C’mon Joe. Dynamite has put on about 50 pounds, and it sure as hell ain’t muscle. His ass is nearly as big as his ego right now. Let me give ya some breaking news, Joe… Those aren’t pecs, man. Those are full-on man-boobs. He’s so out of shape, he’s nowhere near fit enough to last 10 minutes with a cruiserweight. When Dynamite steps into that ring on Sunday 8th, he’s gonna be about as useful as a fart in a space-suit! And another thing… Bill: CZECHER, turn that damn TV off, man… It’s gone past my ears burning… The flames are growing and about to hit the fuel tanks! Czecher: Sorry, I like this show. Pete: … And Joe, don’t get me started on that Czecher guy… What a loser… Czecher: You know what? This show ain’t that great. Bill: Damn right. If I ever saw that Pete Michaels, I’d punch him right in the nose. That biiiig, looooong nose of his. It’s like a nuke sitting there right on his face… I’d hate to be around when that thing goes off, talk about God’s Green Earth. This is an important time for us, Czecher. We’re both seriously out of practice. You’re looking in-shape, but me? I’ve been trying to get down the gym and train but why do they always put the snack bar at the front? It’s like having a crack-dealer outside Whitney Houston’s house. We’ve got to show people like him that we’re not past it. You’re still very young, Czechs… I’m 34. I know that’s not old, but I’m probably past my prime. But I can’t let people like him say crap like that and get away with it. But going down there and punching him out just isn’t the answer. Czecher: Then what is, Bill? What is, Dammit? Bill: The answer, my dear Kodak, is simple. 2 words… De-liver. Just go into that ring and deliver the goods. Mix it up, old-school stylee. Czecher: Style-ee? Bill: Go with it… I’ve got a lot left inside me, other than lunch, and I’m gonna show all my critics what I’m all about. The Bad Mac Daddy from Waltham Abbey STILL has it and no little pencil-dick moron is gonna tell me otherwise. Let’s remind ourselves, I’ve NEVER been pinned for the 1.. 2.. 3.. In a singles match in my whole career. And if it weren’t for that dead son-of-a-bitch Magnus Diesel, my Tag Team record would be unbeaten too. Czecher: Well, Bill… You’re not unbeaten in any fashion. You got pinned to lose the FWL Tag Titles when Magnus was your partner. You were disqualified against Eric Poyntz, then in the following handy-cap match you passed out in the Golden Gate and lost via knockout. So I’m not sure what record you’re trying to protect. Bill: I’m vastly becoming annoyed with you. I’m protecting the fact I’ve never been beaten with a pin fall or submission in all of my singles matches. The Golden Gate hurt like hell, but am I really gonna tap out in front of all those people, to Eric Poyntz?? Are you kidding me? Poyntz couldn’t beat me for the pin fall even with the Boss on his side AND turning my bodyguards against me. So I think my record is still a good one, despite the ACTUAL number of losses I’ve had, NONE of them came by pin fall or submission. So stick that in your… Czecher: I get it… I get it. Bill: Czecher, the kettle has boiled… Czecher: Oh yes please… … … Czecher: Oh… Would you like a cup? Bill: Thank you. Tea, please. Milk and two sugars. Czecher: Coming right up. (( So despite a defining moment in both their careers being a stones throw away, Bill has yet to do a single work-out since the match was announced. But this was all to change. Bill’s personal trainer, Louise, has arrived with all her tools. Bill has only spoken to Louise on the phone and hired her because, and I quote, “she sounded cute”. But what Bill doesn’t understand is that her voice is just about the only feminine thing on her. Standing at 6’2’’ and weighting over 200lbs, this She-Man-Mountain as about to embark on the biggest challenge in her life (2nd to getting into a dress), training Krispy Kreme’s most loyal customer, ‘The Idol’ Bill Dynamite. Bill sends Czecher to answer the door. )) Czecher: (Background) Wow… You must be Louise. You’re a WHOLE LOTTA WOMAN. Bill: I bet she is… Czecher: (Background) Hey Bill… Uh… My wife just called, my son just swallowed… Uh… The remote control… I gotta run. See ya later. Bill: Oh… Bye Czechs. (To himself) So it looks like Bill is all alone with the “personal trainer”. Looks like I’m gonna have to stretch my groin a little, and hopefully we’ll get down to some squat thrusts… Louise: Hi, I’m Louise… Bill: SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! I didn’t realise I ordered large. Louise: I’ve heard about you, and your womanising. Well let me tell you, if you’re a good boy, I’ll let you join me in the showers. Bill: Whoa… I don’t… I mean… Uh… Jesus… Something’s come up… I’m not gonna be able to workout today… Maybe another time, like next century, I think I have some time available then. Louise: Oh no, big boy. We’ve got 2 hours of hard work and I promise when I’m finished with you, you’ll be ROCK HARD. Bill: I highly doubt I’ll ever be hard again after this experience. Louise: Drop down and gimme 20… NOW!! Bill: Okay, Okay. … … Louise: Okay… ONE… We’re going for ONE! (( An hour and 59 minutes later )) Louise: Now Bill… You look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t enjoy that. Paramedic: Could you step away from the ambulance please, Ma’am. Louise: Same time tomorrow? (( The ambulance speeds away down the street watched by Louise and the rest of the neighbourhood. Bill’s biggest challenge since fitting into those lycra wrestling shorts is under a week away. Will Paul Dream capitalize on Bill’s misfortune? Or will Bill recover and deliver an ass whooping, Old School Style-ee? Violence will be the setting to quite a story come Sunday. ))
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