Thy Kingdom come
Thy Kingdom Come
Just like in px:w, we in eWo are witnessing the rise and rise of Czecher. Despite his ill-conceived ideas that being thirty-seven is too old to be at the top of your game, he still looks as young as ever to me. In the ring, I couldn’t have asked for a better partner to have in our recent tag-team matches. His skill and determination could have been the catalyst in our tag-team title success. After all, two of the men in the fatal-4-way at Hell & Back have tasted defeat at the hands of EgoCzech, and one of them happens to be the so-called unbeatable Legend.
It seems every week; I am proven right in my estimations. The Legend is not the behemoth of modern wrestling like everyone seems to think. Trading in the BWF Title doesn’t make you eligible to be alongside such eWo Champions as Dylan Dunn, Seth Dryden and myself. Beating a 130lb chick from the defunct LWA doesn’t stand you alongside us. You and your lackey losing to EgoCzech shows you definitely can’t hang with the eWo greats. And needing your bitch Carter to bail you out against weak opposition such as King James just goes to prove that your hold on that title is slipping away with every minute that passes.
To me, Legend, you are nothing but a bandwagon that I will never jump on. I believe in the past I have given you too much respect. I may have been suckered in by the hype like every other punter around these parts, but not to the extent of Cody Clark, who to this day still believes the sun shines from your arse. I believed you to be a worthy contender to my crown. And it is my crown you wear. As the first eWo World Champion, I am the benchmark. I am, as Erin Jacobs would say, the standard. When I first saw you, I thought one day you may just have the skills to pay the bills as I do. But I don’t believe you have shown enough improvement. I think all this hype, all this praise has made you complacent. This Sunday, you will not have the chance to be complacent. Being complacent in the cell at Hell & Back makes you lose your title. Just like British Brawler and Cody Clark before you, Hell & Back is not a champion’s favourite event.
It beggars belief why CM Vyrus is still in this match at Hell & Back. He lost to Czecher. Czecher therefore, by right of beating the number one contender, gets his place in the main event. But why does the man he’s just beaten get another chance. Vyrus choked. And once again, on the main stage at Hell & Back, he will choke again. Against EgoCzech, he choked. Just like everyone has, and will do in the future. Vyrus shouldn’t be in that match, and looking at his odds, technically, he isn’t in that match at all. In my eyes, he’s already the guy staring at the lights.
Don’t even get me started on King James. The man can’t go two words without saying fuck, and unless you’re a pimp, that serves no purpose. Not to mention, he had his chance against Legend this past week on Violence, and they say he had Legend beat. Legend, as arrogant and as annoying as he is, had a contingency plan like any self respecting World Champion would have. Carter bailed his arse out. But you, James, had nothing. You didn’t think that far ahead. Did it not occur to you that you were already way over your head to begin with? Did it not occur to you that Legend has made friends here in eWo. Well, he can call them friends, to me they’re the idiots who are too stupid to still be clinging to his bandwagon as it sinks in the quick sand. If you had a brain cell in that head of yours, you would have thought of that scenario. But you didn’t, and thus you do not deserve to be anywhere near that main event. I wouldn’t have you on the damn ring crew if I was in charge.
Why am I wasting my time concentrating on a match I’m not even in? Because there’s a man in that match that has been standing by my side for many years. A man inducted into the coveted Bill Dynamite Hall of Fame. A man that is probably the only person who has the mental capacity to deal with all my bullshit and still be there when I need him. I’m of course talking about Czecher. This guy, sometimes so modest that his sidekick – Captain Shovel, will probably be in eWo’s Hall of Fame before he is. As modest as he can be, he can also have a disgusting and violent side to him. Luckily for myself, his wife and his son, this side only comes to the fray in combat. In matches where it is do or die. You or him. Hell in a Cell is that very match. Once Czecher is locked into that cage, I do not envy the position the other three men are in. I wouldn’t even be the referee, because if Czecher somehow smuggles that shovel into that cell, everyone and everything will be doused in a cloak of claret.
But Czecher, my friend, my teammate, I am a man who cannot sit here and watch other people tread the hallowed boards of the main event for long. And if it is you who is successful, I will be the honourable man and challenge you for the eWo World Championship. And you, being the honourable man you are, will accept my challenge. And before the money paying public of eWo, we will go one on one for only the second time, we will raise the roof off the arena and we will go down as two of the best to have ever graced a wrestling ring. Good luck, Kodak. This is your time.
But onto my time. I was ready to knock any remaining confidence out from the young pretender to my controversial throne, AJ Donovan. The new owner of this promotion Cody Clark made it known that this match would not take place, and that Czecher would not be in my corner at Hell & Back. Nor would we be defending our tag-team titles. But I would be in a tag match with Cody Clark himself and the man they call The Standard, Erin Jacobs. I was stood in the middle of the ring thinking just who would come to my aid at Hell & Back. Who would step into the ring with 3 legends of the business? In a tag-match to end all tag matches. Who, who wasn’t already booked, would have the testicular fortitude to openly and immediately be my partner. I’ll tell you who, my brother. The Franchise Lawrence Jarvis.
I still do not know my brother’s intentions for making himself my partner in this match. After all the shit we’ve been through over the years. From when we used to be tight, to becoming the biggest of enemies. To most wrestling observers, Lawrence Jarvis and Bill Dynamite are the epitome of a bloodthirsty conflict. Two men who have too much issues between them to see anything other than unadulterated violence as the answer. Two men who have had 3 classic matches one on one in the past. Two of the three men trapped in a cell in px:w’s classic Hell & Back. For what reason would Lawrence come to my rescue this Sunday?
My first thoughts were of conspiracy. Would Lawrence name himself as my partner in this match, so that he, Clark and Jacobs would be in a 3-on-1 situation? But Lawrence has just as much contempt for Cody Clark as he does for anyone. Clark, with all the disregard he could muster, took Lawrence’s daughter Kimberly away from him. He took any innocence Lawrence thought she had and practically fucked it away in front of him. He took her hand in marriage and then unceremoniously dumped her to the curb for a new piece of pussy. There’s no way, after all that, Lawrence would join with Cody Clark. Regardless of the union that had with the ‘Clast in BWF.
I can only assume Lawrence has realised that blood is thicker than water. He’s realised that all the shit we’ve been through is nothing more than an underlying episode of sibling rivalry, despite us not knowing we were brothers before last year. I think we both had a feeling something was up between us. We could feel it. There was a reason we became friends in the original eWo. There was a reason we had friction. There was a reason we began to hate each other’s guts. Or maybe I’m being way too sentimental.
Maybe it’s just the lure of Hell & Back. This event is not just the first supercard of the new eWo. This event was one of the highlights of last year’s wrestling calendar. Px:w’s Hell & Back brought Bill Dynamite, Lawrence Jarvis and Cody Clark together in a Cell for the first time. And all hell broke loose. Lawrence came away the victor, but none of us looked like winners that night. I was destroyed by a debuting, and interfering Gabe Reno. Clark and Jarvis bloodied each other until neither man could see through the crimson masks on their faces. And so I see Lawrence joining this match as many reasons. To relive the magic of that night last year at Hell & Back, when he left the cell the World Heavyweight Champion. To relive the moments of the original eWo when we were brothers of a different kind. To step into the ring with another fellow hall of famer, a man that has been considered one of the greatest to have lived, Erin Jacobs. This match will bring two brothers together again. Four warriors together for an epic battle. Two will stand as victors at the finale, and two will fall. I will not allow myself to be on the losing side in a match with Cody Clark again. After what Clark has done to Lawrence, my brother will not allow himself to lose to Clark either. And as for Erin Jacobs, this is our chance to show the world that the hype surrounded the match we’ve never had is absolutely warranted.
This is the prelude to the match of the century.
The Here And Now
I recently learned that I, Bill Dynamite, would inherit all legal possessions of one Mrs Eileen Coolidge. I was not sure at first just what this meant for me. But after a meeting with my lawyers, I was assured that I would be inheriting no less than £56million. That’s pounds, not the monopoly money used here in Toronto. I’ve had my money problems in the past. Due to drugs and gambling and a general lack of sense and self-worth. It was my money issues that got me into the position I was to accept money for sexual favours from old widows like Mrs Coolidge. I’m not even sure if she knew about my profession as a wrestler. I don’t believe she knew the windfalls of such a profession could be enormous. Since px:w, I haven’t wasted my money and my life like I used to. Since then I’ve been extremely comfortable financially. But I assume she didn’t know that. Now I am more than comfortable.
I’m fucking rich as fuck.
“I want a Porsche.” Kevin begins, excited like a kid at Christmas. “No… Aston Martin. Like James Bond.”
“You want it invisible like James Bond too? You cocky little shit.” I reply.
“Don’t be gay. How would all the chicks see I was driving an Aston Martin if it was invisible?”
“All the chicks?” I asked, surprised. “Have you looked at your girlfriend recently? She’s the finest specimen of a woman I’ve seen for a very long time. If Legend was in her presence, he'd either sexually assault her or just shoot his Legendary load in his pants!”
“I don’t think Persil would get that out.” Kevin says, really giving it some thought.
It’s not often Kevin and I get a chance to have a real chat together. I know he pisses me off sometimes, and I know he can be a real pain in the arse. I know that ninety percent of what comes out of his little mouth, surrounded by the most pathetic attempt at facial hair since a twelve year old Cody Clark, makes him sound like total gay. But fuck it, he’s my son, and although I don’t think I’ve ever said it, and probably will never have the courage to say it out loud but I love the little shit and I’d kill the son’bitch who dared to touch a hair on his neatly styled head.
As we sit here on the balcony of the hotel, looking over the night Toronto skyline, we finally have a man-to-man chat, even if it is just Kevin mentally spending every penny I’ve inherited.
“So, I’d like some new clothes.” He says sipping his beer.
“You have a shit load of clothes.” I reply. “The amount of clothes you brought here would keep a team of Taiwanese kids working for a hundred years!”
“So you’re saying I’m helping Taiwanese kids stay off unemployment benefits?” He asks.
“In Taiwan? There’s no unemployment benefits you little dole-cheat. You’re either working in a sweatshop for pittance or you fucking die in a corner somewhere being eaten by the locals.”
“Makes Toronto seem ok.” He says with a smile, knowing I hate this city.
“Yunno Kid. I’m glad you’re here, I’d be totally bored without you. Czecher’s on some gay soul searching mission. He’ll probably get back home and realise it was in the fridge all along or something.”
“Yeah…” He says laughing his head off. “Mum always said your soul was in the fridge.”
“Pfft, what does your mum know? Back then she knew how to tend bar, cheat on her husband and get knocked up. You mum’s a real whore.”
“Did you just call my mum a whore?” He asks, with his best serious face.
“Don’t even try, short-stack. Or you’ll be sharing a bed with Pedro tonight, if you know what I mean.”
“Why don’t you ask Uncle Lawrence to keep you company?”
“In all honesty, Kevin, I don’t know his intentions for this match on Sunday. For all I know, he could be fucking with me. He may not even show up, or worse still, show up and kick my arse with those other two bags of shit. I can’t exactly call him up and say, ‘oh hey, Lawrence… it’s your brother, Bill… yeah the guy you fucking hate with a passion, yeah I am a fat bastard, yeah. I just wanted to ask if you wanted to go shoot some pool.’”
“Stop being a fag and go ask him. He’s your brother.”
“So what? It didn’t stop him from kicking my arse in the past.”
“You have 2-1 record over him one-on-one…”
“Oh yeah, say that to him when we next see him… That’ll patch things up.” I say sarcastically.
“I know you have his number. Give him a call. I bet you two will be laughing, joking and picking on some disabled guy before you can blink. You two are so alike it’s unreal. I’m sure if Lawrence got a buzz cut, bleached his head and his beard blonde he’d look a complete fag just like you.”
“Right, that’s it, you’re going over the balcony!”
“What? No… Please.”
“Yep. Worked for Michael Jackson, you don’t hear his kids calling him a fag.”
“They leave it to everyone else.”
As I grab his legs and pretend to launch him over the balcony, I realise that I might just be starting to become a father. 19 years too late, maybe, but fuck it, better late than never. 41 years old, and going to my third Hell & Back. 41 years old and will get my chance soon to become a two-time eWo World Champion.
Better late than never.
Idol Out.
Stop... It's Jarvo Time!
[During the time between my departure from BWF to my arrival in the eWo]
There I am sitting in the office of Dr. James Kirkland, he’s the best in the world and the guy I’ve always seen when I’ve had an injury, my stomach is churning away nervously as I’m waiting to here the damage on my knee, the same knee I injured back in the IWA, James comes in with a concerned look on his face.
“What’s the damage Jim?” I ask him trying to make light of the situation.
“Sorry to tell you Lawrence but appears you’ve torn your collateral ligament, it’s not a major injury, but you’ve got quite a bit of swelling around the knee which is going to make things quite awkward for you, after about a month you’ll be fine, we have to take extra care though as you’ve had problems with this knee in the past haven’t you? Normally you’d be ok within a week or two but we need to make sure there isn’t anymore damage, so about a month should do it”
“You need to understand, I can’t miss anymore time away from the ring”, I say in desperation, he looks at me with a sympathetic expression on his face.
“I’m sorry Lawrence, you have to take some time off, if you don’t and you carry on it’ll only get worse in time and then your career will probably be finished anyway, at least if you wait a month let us do our jobs, your knee will be better then ever”, thoughts running through my head, maybe I should just call it a day, my body is obviously telling me it’s had enough of being knocked about, but then do I give up the one thing I have left?
“Ok, I don’t think you are giving me much a choice are you?” I ask, he smiles at me and puts his hand on my shoulder.
“Don’t worry, we’ll have you good as new in no time”, I shake his hand and he walks out the door leaving me, I look around for a second and that’s when I realize, I can’t go back to the BWF, too much history of me walking out and it’s all about to repeat itself, only difference is that this time it’s not me being a jackass, like James said, I don’t have much of a choice.
Back at home I’m standing in my kitchen getting a glass of juice, everything is so quiet now, my house always feels empty, that’s why I love being on the road, at least then I’m not alone much of the time, some of the guys moan that they never get left alone, but that’s the price you pay for being on television, for being a superstar, sometimes I feel like saying, ‘you try being alone and you’ll soon realize it’s not as much fun as you think’, back when I was younger it was different, I had Annabelle my estranged ex wife, my beautiful daughter Kimberly, now I’m alone, Ethan my son is off touring with some Japanese wrestling company, Kimberly doesn’t call me and Annabelle is off terrorizing some poor bastard like the psycho whore she really is.
The only person I had was Kim, then Cody Clark came around and things changed, I should’ve just backed off and let her make her own mistakes, but because I fought her about it, now after everything that’s happened, she’s too proud to come home and admit she was wrong, just like her old man, it seems to be a trademark of my family, when people are telling you something you don’t want to hear we bury our heads in the sand and switch off.
As I sit on my sofa feeling sorry for myself, I can’t stop thinking about my life, how fucked up it’s gotten just lately, the majority of it could all be solved so easily, but I don’t know if it’s going to make a whole heap of difference, after everything that happened between us, but still Kim needs to know I’m here for her, I’m still her father at the end of the day, I’ve not been the best Dad in the world, but I’ve always provided for her and I’ve always wanted what’s best for her, but has their been too much shit for us to patch things up, I pick up my phone and click on Kim’s name from my contact list, it begins dialing…
“Dad…”
My heart is beating so fast, “Kimberly, I’m so sorry I haven’t been there for you lately, I’m so sorry I wasn’t around when you and Cody split up, I’m sorry for not letting you live your own life…”
“It’s ok Daddy, what bought this on? It’s not like you to get upset”.
By this time tears are flowing down my face, it’s funny how your children can do that, we are supposed to be the parents, we are supposed to reassure them, but it works both ways, ”I was just thinking about how messed up my life is and it really hit me how much I miss having you around, you mean the world to me Kimberly, you’re my little girl”.
“I love you Dad, I’m so glad you called, I’d been thinking about you, Ethan told me you had injured your knee again, is it bad?”
“It’s bad enough sweetheart, going to have to take a month off, BWF will probably release me or something, so I don’t know, I’m tempted to just call it a day, I’ve had enough of wrestling and working some damn hard when my personal life is in tatters”.
“Well whatever you decide to do I’ll stand by you Dad, so will Ethan”.
“Thanks Kimberly, if you are in the area anytime soon I’d love to see you and catch up”.
“I’d like that too Dad, I’ve got to head off though, meeting up with a friend for a drink, I’ll be in touch, love you Daddy”.
“I love you to, be safe Kimbo”, she puts down the phone and I put mine back on the coffee table, you have no idea how nice it was to hear my daughters voice, besides my knee being screwed again and my career possibly being sunk, things might be ok… Maybe…
[Begin Rant]
I don’t expect you to understand my actions in the last few months, coming and going, walking in and then a week or so later walking right back out, but there have been things on my mind that have affected me and that’s my reason, it’s not an excuse no matter what you think, Lawrence Jarvis wrestles where and when he wants too and nobody tells me differently, but now here I am, back in the eWo, my return match is one of the biggest in my entire career, it’s almost as big as the Hell in a Cell match where I became World Champion, on one side of the ring you have the Quickillers, Cody Clark and Erin Jacobs, two of the best the world has ever seen, there is no denying them and to do so would be disrespectful, Cody Clark beat me in PX:W for the World title and Erin Jacobs most recently was inducted into the eWo Hall of Fame, but on the other side are another two greats of this time, two men bought together by a blood bond, two brothers, Bill Dynamite who in my opinion is the out and out best of all time and his partner, yours truly, multiple time World Champion, Hall of Famer and the god damn ‘Franchise’ of the industry, Lawrence Jarvis, a team which simply cannot be beat, not by the Quickillers, not by anybody.
Cody Clark, if you think I’ve forgotten anything that happened between you and my daughter you are sadly mistaken, I always vowed to extract some revenge and I promise you I will do just that, see when I left WCWF to come to the BWF, you and I had a mutual understanding, we weren’t friends, we were hardly two men who would go out for a drink together, but that understanding was to succeed, we both want the same thing and if we had to work together to achieve that then we were both willing to make that sacrifice, I returned for one match under the ‘Clast and then blew my knee out, although it wasn’t a bad injury like we suspected at the time, it was enough to make me miss a month or so of action and during that time was there any contact between myself and the rest of the ‘Clast? None. You guys saw an injured animal and you shot it dead, but unfortunately for you this animal is not dead and that was the thing that gave me the focus and the motivation to improve my recovery speed so that at Hell and Back I can really tell you where to shove your ‘Clast.
My goals here are simple, I’m not taking anymore shit, if you push me far enough I’ll bite back and when I do you’ll regret it, but the biggest thing for me, the one thing that I’m setting my mind too is the World title, back in the old eWo, when things seemed to make much more sense, everybody knew where they stood at the top was Bill Dynamite, lower down were guys like Dylan Dunn and Cody Carson and then somewhere around the midcard was me, but then I really started to shine through and I moved up to the same level as the Dunn’s and the Carson’s but then after a short while I moved on and took out the biggest, brightest star, that was Bill Dynamite, suddenly this guy who was only a talented midcarder had beaten the best the eWo had to offer, but with me and Bill it wasn’t just your ordinary wrestling match, I had baited Bill, I had taunted him and manipulated him into returning and when he did I took him apart, but even that didn’t get me the World Championship, no matter how far I went I never reached that pinnacle in the eWo, well times have changed, nothing makes sense anymore so for a guy like me it’s prime time to start tearing through the eWo ranks until I hold in my hands the eWo World Championship, when that goal is completed I shall bow out proudly with honor and let the younger guys step up, until that point, anybody gets in my way and I will bring them apart.
When I look at the eWo roster I see a whole world of talent, AJ Donovan, the most promising star in wrestling, Reno Drake the man I made a household name, that’s right Reno don’t forget who fuckin’ made your arse, if it wasn’t for me helping you out in PX:W you’d be wrestling some drunk for a couple of dollars on the street, but you’ve got others like Alex Young… I don’t know, King James?! What about… Wait who the hell am I kidding, besides a couple of note able names the roster is full of crap, come on… Mason Vice? C.M. Vyrus? You’ve got to be kidding me! This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen, we’ve got less talent in this place then the entire BWF put together… Oh wait, that place shut down right? What a joke…
Anyhow, before I carry on and have the entire eWo locker room wanting to kick my arse, I want to address Erin Jacobs, as far as you and I go, there isn’t any problems, I don’t have an issue you with at all Erin, I watched you get inducted into the hall of fame, good for you sport, you deserve it, but you stand in my way of getting some payback on Clark so there is no option but to take you out as well, it’s funny really, the four best the eWo has to offer and none of us are in the main event for the World Championship, instead we are all in the same match together, but this isn’t a fight for any title, it’s a fight for pride, the victors come out with their arms raised and the rights to say that at Hell and Back 2007 they were the better men, the losers need to take themselves away and take a long hard look at themselves, Jacobs and Clark at Hell and Back, Lawrence Jarvis and Bill Dynamite are going to be aligned, there may be very little trust, but there is a common goal and that’s to take you two out… Be ready because we won’t hesitate once.
When the dust settles, the lights turn off, the crowd becomes silenced, Erin Jacobs and Cody Clark will look at each other straight in the eyes, both with blood pouring down their faces, they will notice the far away look in each others eyes and from that vague look they will both come to the realization that they both just took the biggest tag team Franchising in history, that is a promise.
[End Rant]
