[ The scene opens to a warm sunny Miami day. Jimmy Stryker is talking on his cell phone in his car a silver Mercedes Benz with a black drop top, which is being driven by his assistant Kasey. They stop at a red light, near Collins Ave in South Beach. A few bikini clad girls walk by the car. Jimmy tilts down his silver framed Revo sunglasses, then turns his head towards Kasey. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"Hey Kasey, check that fuckin' action out bro."
[ Kasey takes a quick glance as the light turns green. Jimmy continues to talk on the phone. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"Yeah, Man...Brandi said that even though she was going to do her "Fiasco" show from the Autozone studio in L.A......She called me, and said that I could do the show from her studio in Miami."
[ There was a slight pause ]
Jimmy Stryker:"What? Why the fuck would I lie about that dude?...Here...talk to her assistant Kasey...."
[ Jimmy put the phone to Kasey's ear. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"Kasey....tell this jackass that I'm not yanking his crank."
[ Kasey takes a right then pulls into a parking lot, and puts the car into drive. ]
Kasey:"Yeah...Brandi definately told Jimmy that she's got too much to do, so he can do the show....We'll be in shortly....Right we just pulled into the lot....Cool man, see ya in a few."
[ Jimmy nods then hangs the phone up. He jumps out to the car, laughing. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"Fuckin' sweet....."
[ Kasey gets out, and hits the alarm as Jimmy and him walk to the door. They walk through then into the studio. We're a man is waiting. Jimmy walks up to him as he looks around. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"Hey, I'm here to fill Brandi James's slot..."
[ Jimmy pauses for a moment then nods. Then nudges Kasey as he chuckles. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"Hell, that sounded good...I wish I could fill her "slot" if ya know what I mean."
[ Kasey laugh and put his hand on his forehead. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"So point me in the direction of the studio."
Radio Studio Guy:"Well...Brandi James is suppose to do her show from The Autozone Studio in L.A. in about an hour. Her agent called me this morning to tell me."
Jimmy Stryker:"Dude, my boy already told you. Brandi's assistant couldn't get back in touch with you. Which is why I'm here. Trust me, if I don't do her show, she's going to be super pissed. Now do you want that?"
Radio Studio Guy:"No.."
Jimmy Stryker:"Good answer...now which way?"
[ The man points to the studio on the left. Jimmy and Kasey walk in the studio. Jimmy immediate takes a seat infront of the microphone, as Kasey man the boards. ]
Kasey:"Jimmy you do know that when Brandi finds out you're hi-jacking her show, she's going to go ape shit on you."
Jimmy Stryker:"Ah, she's all the way in L.A right now...and I won't be there till Thrusday...So too fucking bad for her. She's not any better then Jay Leno. I held his show for ransom, and I'm going to do the same to the Fiasco...Now how long till we go on? You do know what you're doing right?"
[ Kasey smirked.]
Kasey:"Hell yeah I do! I did all this shit for the Fiasco before, so yeah....and we go on in 4,3,2...."
[ Kasey points to Jimmy who slips his ear phones on, and begins. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"What the fuck it up...dudes and bitches? If you've tuned into hoping to hear the lovely voice of the sex goddess Brandi James, I have to disappoint you. Brandi is unable to make it today...Probably being fucked to death by Rick...since I'm sure he's starting to realize that sooner or later she'll smarten up and leave him for me, so he's trying to get all the pussy he can.....eh...emm....So I'm you're party host Jimmy Stryker.."
[ Kasey hits the applause button and Jimmy puts his hands up. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"Thank you, Thank you...My loyal subjects.....Now let's see..."
[ He looks around the studio ]
Jimmy Stryker:"What the hell...there's nothing but women's shit around here."
[ Jimmy scans around again, and see's a few cosmopolitan magazines. Jimmy picks up one and begins to read the front page aloud. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"Hmmm...Hot New Sex Tricks....50 Ways to be a better Girlfriend..."
[ Jimmy laughs. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"Hell, if a chick really wants to know how to be a better girlfriend there's not 50 ways to do it just a simple few."
[ He clears his throat. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"Ladies don't buy this shit...You want to know how to be a better girlfriend? Hell, I'll tell you how to fuckin' do that....First....Shut the hell up....We don't care what you think, or how you're day was as long as there's dinner on the fuckin' table, and we're gettng sucked and fucked at the end of the night before bed. It's that simple..Do as I say, Cook for me, Clean my dirty laundry, and suck my dick atleast twice a day, and you'll earn the title World greatest girlfriend. But for those of you in doubt, or if you're just stupid...refer to rule one....SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
[ Jimmy stops, and opens the magazine flipping through the pages. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"Hmmm...this outta be good...Look Kasey..the editors at Cosmo...are going to tell women what men "really" think after sex...."
[ Kasey talks into his microphone from the producer's booth. ]
Kasey:"enlighten me, Jimmy.."
Jimmy Stryker:"Ofcourse I will....let's see...well Doug age 30 says...that he "he replays the highlights in his mind, the foreplay moves that my his girl moan, any hot stuff she said or noises she made, and ofcourse the look on her face when she hand an orgasm.".....Doug....with thinking like that, I'm surprised you're getting laid dude...the only thing I'm thinking about is what the fuck I'm going to get to eat, and then sleep. And ofcourse when the bitch is gonna stop running her mouth, wanting to "talk to me"...dam...grow a sack..doug..."
[ Jimmy huffs and rolls his eyes. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"Who else do we have? Well Rex age 25 says " My Penis shrivels once I climax, so I'm thinking damn, I hope she doesn't notice...as I reach for my boxer short. Any guy who tells you he doesn't stress about shrinkage is lying or huge."....Rex...Rex...Rex....Wait..No...Rick...is this you? Are you hoping Brandi doesn't notice your junk shrinks after you get off?....Trust me, bro...she notices...the least you could have done is be honest guy and put you're real name...After all, I'm sure alot more guys are wonder the same shit as you..."
[ Jimmy makes a fart noise with his mouth...and a jerking off motion. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"What losers..."
[ he scans the page more then finds something. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"ah...this is good...Arron 19 says..."When I last for ages, I'm thinking God, I'm good...and she's totally going to tell her friends I'm a stud."...Arron, if you're writting into cosmo with this story, chances are you made the shit up...Go rent a whore, and actual do the deed."
[ Jimmy throws the magazine as the phones begin to light up. Actually they have been since he took to the radio. Kasey taps the glass then speaks. ]
Kasey: "Jimmy there's some chick named Lisa on the phone that says she really digs you."
Jimmy Stryker:"Really now?"
Kasey:"Yeah...so also says she's a lesbian!"
[ Jimmy shot straight up in his chair, as the excitment from his voice was obvious.]
Jimmy Stryker:"What the fuck are you waiting for put her through!"
[ Kasey, puts the woman through, as Jimmy rubs his hands together. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"Lisa?"
Lisa:"Yes...I'm here Jimmy."
Jimmy Stryker:"Is this Lisa the lesbian?"
[ she giggles ]
Lisa:"Yes...I am."
Jimmy Stryker:"Nice....So Lisa...tell me, and my listeners what you look like."
Lisa:"Well...I'm blonde, People tell me that I look like Trish Stratus. I have a really good body.
Jimmy Stryker:"So how big are your breasts?"
Lisa:"36D, I think"
Jimmy Stryker:"What do you mean you think?"
[ Lisa giggles again, as the fustration his head in Jimmy's voice.]
Lisa:"I never wear a bra, so I don't know how big I am. I think a D."
Jimmy Stryker:"What about your waist and hips?"
Lisa:"24 for my waist and 36 for my hips."
Jimmy Stryker:"And you really dig lesbian sex?"
Lisa:"Yes"
Jimmy Stryker:"How old were you when you had you're first lesbian sex?"
Lisa:"18"
Jimmy Stryker:"With who?"
Lisa:"A friend of my mothers."
Jimmy Stryker:" An older woman seduced you?"
Lisa:"Yes, she was 32, and I was very frightened when it happened but it ended up feeling great."
Jimmy Stryker:"And you were fully developed at 18, were you not?"
Lisa:"Well, yeah, I guess so."
Jimmy Stryker:"Your breast were a full D cup, and your body developed, and you had hair on your body/"
Lisa:"I sprouted out early."
Jimmy Stryker:"Do you shave?"
Lisa:"Yes.."
Jimmy Stryker:"You groom very nicely?"
Lisa:"Yes"
Jimmy Stryker:"Yeah....Close cropped?"
Lisa:"Yes, very close cropped."
Jimmy Stryker:"Are you blonde...uh,,,all over...I mean does the drape match the curtains?"
Lisa:"oh, I'm light brown..."
[ Jimmy smiles ear to ear then points and nods at Kasey. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"Really, Excellent! So your mom was really young when she had you?"
Lisa:"Yeah."
Jimmy Stryker:"So how did you end up with you're moms friend?"
Lisa;"She would always come into my room and watch me change."
Jimmy Stryker:"Had she ever seen you nude growing up?"
Lisa:"Yeah..yeah.."
Jimmy Stryker:"Had she seen you nude at 11, or 12?"
Lisa:"yeah"
Jimmy Stryker:"What about 15?"
Lisa:"Yeah."
Jimmy Stryker:"Oh, man...Im so turned on...I'm so hot for you, because you look like Jenna Jameson...the blonde hair, perfect body....perfect. And You're a runway model from what I'm told....I'm offering you to the lesbian community today. I'm the greatest friend of the lesbian community! Lesbian adore me, and if any of you friggin' homos say a bad thing about me again, I'm going to complain to somebody in the gay organization!...."
[ As Jimmy ranted Kasey interrupts him. ]
Kasey:"Umm...Jimmy.."
Jimmy Stryker:"What? What can be so important that you're interrupting the lesbian portion of the show?"
Kasey:"Brandi's on the phone, and she's really fuckin' mad that you hi-jacked her show."
Jimmy Stryker:"Tell her when I get to LA...I'll let her blow me."
[ Jimmy laughed. ]
Kasey:"I'm not telling her shit...that bitch scares me."
Jimmy Stryker:"don't worry...just hang up on her..."
[ Kasey closes his eyes and hangs up the phone. ]
Jimmy Stryker:"Good boy, Kasey...Now Lisa...this is what I'm going to do for you. Will you able to fly out to Los Angeles this weekend?"
Lisa:"Yes....I can."
Jimmy Stryker:"Nice...what I'm going to do for you is find you a date. I'm going to have a dating show and get you a really hot chick...Perhaps Jalie Thomas...Hell...My dream of all dreams is to have Jalie Thomas and Brandi James in bed at the say time, and have the best three some ever..."
Lisa:"Oh, me too...Jalie with those lips, and Brandi with her tits and ass...I hear ya Jimmy."
Jimmy Stryker:"And that's exactly why I'm going to help you. You have excellent taste in women....This Friday folks...will be the first ever, Lesbian dating show....tune in then."
[ Jimmy puts his hands behind his head in his chair, as he continues to talk. Kasey holds up a sign that reads..."Brandi is on line one." Jimmy can be heard chuckling, then flips Kasey off as the scene fades. ]
Slinging the Shit....
Mikey.....Are you going to pull a second no show? Fuck I hope not. After all how the hell can I make myself look good by just getting the win on a no show? We both know that you stand no chance against me. And now that I'm being rewarded by being able to pick any title I want once I put my foot into your ass, well is a fuckin' no brainer...
That's right for the brain dead and slow pieces of shit around here....Cody Carson, I'm coming for you. I see you man, trying to make people think that you're an arrogant bad ass now. We both know that's only because you know that's the kind of man Brandi likes, and since you're trying you're hand at being a man whore man. I'm sure you're thinking that any time now, she'll be wrapping her legs around your waist and not Ricks.
Not in this life time Carson...Deep down you're just a scared little boy. Who's fighting a little boy this week. It actually pisses me off that you didn't get booked in a queer match against him. You know mud wrestling, Cody's panties on a pole match....Carson instead of sleeping with any wench you can nail, my suggestion is to sleep with your title...the only thing I hate more then the french and the filipinos, is YOU. I'm coming to get you Cody. You knew this day would come...Man, check your draws, I'm sure you just shit yourself knowing that you'll have to defend that title of yours against me. Unless you want a trade..
I'll trade my title shot once I knock your silly ass stable mate Mike silly, for Jalie Thomas. You seem to be trying to get in her pants lately. And since Seth is giving his woman free roaming room, hell....I'll let Jalie have alot of free roaming room, all over my lap. But if you won't trade the title shot for Jalie...Kiss you're shiny hardware and pussy magnet good bye, cockblock.
Now that I put Carson on notice...back to you Mikey. Obviously you haven't taken my advice or have you? Have you yet figured out hanging with Carson is a road to nowhere? Is that why you no showed at the last paper view? Nah, man, I know what it was....You knew that you couldn't handle myself and Arnette at the same time. The challenge was just too much for you, you vanish into obsecruity faster then Rikishi searching for a $ 9.95 all you can eat buffet. Sad fact is if you felt threaten like you were out matched last week at Masquerade. Buddy, this week is even worse...This week there is no idiot talking only about himself in the thrid person to be a distraction. This week you get all of my....or as Johnny Arnette would say...you get all of Jimmy Stryker's attention. Ive been working for my shot at Carson for too long to let you fuck it up for me. I want this worse then a junkie looking for their next fix.
I'm sure you're sitting there viewing this, thinking what a pompus asshole. That couldn't be further from the truth. Mike in case you haven't realized yet. The devil has a brother and that's me. No one will ever make you cry or break your heart like I can. I'm the bully in every school yard, and on Saturday's Adrenaline, I'm taking your lunch money....bitch! Now if you excuse me, I have a lesbian to find a date for.