A Plan

[ Sometimes in order to get what one wants they must do something bold. Now I’m not really one to ever do anything bold but desperate times call for desperate measures. Do they not? We’ve all heard that expression before and for each one of us it means different things. What I consider a desperate situation someone else may not. The one thing I do know is that I’ve flat out have fallen in love with Mike Young. I’m sure it’s love this time. I feel so different with Mike, a lot more different than how I felt with Johnny Arnette. My problem is how to tell Mike. Let’s face it I’m not the most aggressive of women. I just won’t walk up to a man and kiss him or tell him what I would allow him to do to me if we spent the night together. That’s fine for those kinds of women but I prefer to act a bit more old fashion and accordingly. This at times does make it very difficult especially in the day and age we live in now with women feeling empowered enough to ask men out. Mike also doesn’t make it easy either to do just that. Sometimes I feel like he would rather play a video game or watch cartoons with his daughter than spend time with me. I had no idea what I was to do with this situation. I felt out of control and very confused which I really hate. It’s at times like this I turn to my faith. So here I am kneeling in front of a statue of the blessed mother Mary at St. Margaret’s church. Maybe here I can get some type of guidance or find peace. I made the sign of the cross and began to seek my answers.] Skylar Black :”Blessed Mary mother of our lord Jesus Christ please help me in my time of confusion. Grant me the strength to do what’s right the wisdom to accept the consequences of my actions and what will follow after.” [ Just saying that little bit aloud made me feel a bit better. Raising my head I looked up at her hoping for a sign. Yes go on laugh if you must I know it seems silly but as I wished for my miracle if you will I was tapped on the shoulder from behind. Still kneeling down I twisted my body around a bit and saw a priest standing in back of me. A bit startled I put my hand over my heart.] Skylar Black:”Oh Father you startled me.” Priest:”I’m sorry for that my child. Is there something I can help you with?” Skylar Black:”I really don’t think so Father..???” [ Smiling then taking a seat on a pew across from me he said.] Priest :”Father John.” Skylar Black:”Father John It’s so nice to meet you. My name is Skylar…Skylar Black.” [ I stood and extended my hand to him. He carefully shook it and I sat next to him.] Father John:”So what brings you to my church?” Skylar Black:”A bit of soul searching I suppose.” Father John:”That’s not uncommon my dear. What exactly do you need the answers to?” Skylar Black:”It’s a bit complicated. Infact I almost feel a bit silly.” Father John:”Oh don’t be so sure my child. Problems are problems no matter how big or small they are.” [ His simple words did make me feel better. And it not like my mom hadn’t told me that before. I just felt silly being my age and never really experiencing feelings like I have.] Skylar Black:”Yes, I’m aware of that, thank you for your kind words Father.” Father John:”Perhaps you’d like to unburden yourself and explain to me exactly what you are searching for..” Skylar Black:”As I said it is a bit silly.” Father John:”Non sense…” Skylar Black:”You’re right…I’ll tell you. Where should I begin..” Father John:”Where ever you want..” Skylar Black:”Right…” [ Gosh I felt like a fool for asking where I should begin out loud but what’s done is done. I paused for moment thinking about how not to sound like a teenager or inexperienced woman. I guess it didn’t matter anyway his job is to listen never to judge.] Skylar Black:”Well Father John I’m having feelings for a man and I’m not sure exactly how to go about it.” Father John:”How well do you know this man?” Skylar Black:”I know him well enough to realize that my feelings for him are changing and that I want to expand our friendship into the next level. The only thing is I’m not sure if he feels the same.” Father John:”Have you asked him?” Skylar Black:”No Father, I haven’t.” Father John:”Well possibly it’s that simple. If you have not asked then how do you know.” Skylar Black:”I’ve tried to drop little hints, but it didn’t really work.” Father John;”Sometimes being straight forward is the best approach.” Skylar Black:”I do agree with you Father but it’s just that I don’t want to pressure this man into something he doesn’t want. You see he has been through a very rough time in his life recently and turned to drugs and alcohol. I was the person that took care of him and his little girl, and because of us spending so much time together I’ve gotten to know him very well. Well enough infact to know that he has a good soul. He’s loving, caring and honest. He’s everything I want in a man. It’s just…” Father John:”It’s just what?” Skylar Black:”I think he likes women to be more assertive than he is. And that’s just not me. I’m maybe a bit too old fashion for him.” Father John:”In what way?” Skylar Black:”I believe in courtship. I want true romance and want to get to know my partner in every way not just the biblical; I want us to be each others everything. I suppose that’s a bit silly.” Father John:”No that is not silly at all. It’s sensible and more young people should do just that. So many young people think that sex is how you know each other not realizing that’s just a small part.” Skylar Black:”Yes. Exactly But how do I tell him? How do I have a relationship and still hold true to my faith and beliefs?” Father John:”Only you can decide want make you feel right. Skylar there isn’t really anything wrong with getting to know someone or letting them know you.” Skylar Black:”I know, but men now a days are so sexual driven. It’s like if you’re not giving in to their sexual urges then they want nothing to do with you.” Father John:”Then they are not the right man for you. Maybe what you should do is write down exactly what you are feeling and searching for. Sometimes when we write down what is in our head and read it a loud things become clearer. Trust your instincts child they will never steer you wrong. Now if you will excuse me I have a soup kitchen I must attend to.” Skylar Black:”Yes ofcourse and thank you Father John.” Father John:”You’re welcome..” [ Everything he said I took in to consideration. I left the church and drove back to the guest house with his words echoing in my head. Over and over I tried to replay what he said. I walked into the house and called out for Mike and Patience. Standing quietly for a moment waiting to be greeted by them I heard nothing. With a sigh I peered out of the living room thinking maybe they were hiding from me. But no such luck. I sat down on the couch staring off into my own world. Once I got focus again I my pink note pad on the table that I was teaching Patience how to write her name in. That’s when I knew what I had to do. I took a piece of the pretty light pink paper and began to write..] Dear Mike, I’m sorry that you have to read this instead of me telling you to your face. I do owe you the curtsey of that but I just can not. Please do not think I’m a coward or think less of me for writing this. I really don’t know any other way. Every time I’m around you I want to tell you and I just can’t. I’m not exactly sure if it’s my own fear or just my in experience. Which ever it is it makes me freeze up each time I get the courage up to say to you. This… Michael, I think you are an amazing man. You’re strength; courage and love for your daughter have inspired me in ways I never though imaginable. Each day I spend with you I find something about you that makes me care for you more. What I am trying to say is that I’ve fallen in love with you. I just don’t want to be your friend any longer. I want to be more than just the woman that helped you through a turbulent time in your life or the woman that cares for your daughter. I’ve grown to love the both of you very much. I want the three of us to make a life together, and I can’t think of any other man that I would want to have children of my own with. I’m sorry that I had to write this out and couldn’t say it to you. Like I said I think it’s my own fear this time. Who knew that the woman that is viewed as the Saint of AWA has a fear of her own…possible rejection from the man that has stolen her heart! this probably isn’t easy for you to read and to avoid any awkward feeling this might cause between us I have decided to stay at the Marriott on South Beach. Understand that I’m not trying to avoid you after you read this. But just incase I’m the only one feeling this way I did this. The last thing I want is for you to feel that you have to return my love out of obligation. Well now you know how I feel. And why my stuff is no longer in the guest house. I hope you don’t hate me for writing this but you had to know how I’m feeling. I don’t know what else to say but I will respect what ever decision you make. I love you Michael…And make sure Patience takes her bath and goes to bed on time. Don’t let her fool you, her bedtime is 8pm sharp…take care of each other.. Love Always, Skylar…. [ With that I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally he will know the truth about how I feel and I felt good about that. I sprayed the letter lightly with my perfume then put it in an envelope. I tucked the flap inside instead of licking it and wrote Mike on the front. With in a half hour I packed my things and was off to the Marriott. What will the future hold? I’m not sure that’s Gods plan.] About the Match: Looks like it's time to go around again. Me and You once again to steel yet another spot light eh Angela? I think both of us would have it any other way. And I'm especially excited since this is my first Street fight match. Probably not a first for you but well mostly any dare devil match is a first for me. It's something I'm looking forward to since the person I'm facing always pushes me to do my best and then beyond. Last week I showed chose to respect you enough to not fight while you were wounded. Yes I could have and I probably would have won the match knowing that you couldn't be at your rull 100% but is that how I want to beat you? No! It's not how I wanted to win. I wouldn't have felt the satisfaction of a clean win. I deep down would have know that my victory would have been questionable even if you gave the best you could have for the match. Really I think it worked out for the best. Now I get to fight in a match that I never have before gaining more experience in a business that I'm truely getting to love. Not just for the whole physical experience but the bonds of friendship that I am now forming. This match for Xtreme warefare is going to be differnt for people to see. It's not often that two Divas get to have such a physical match. But who better than the two of us to do just that? The way I see it there are no losers in this situation. The fans get to see two of the top Divas that AWA has to offer go toe to toe giving it their all. And we..well we get the best possible competition any female could want. I feel that when the both of us face off against each other wheather it's in a tag match or one on one magic happens. Our chemistry in the ring bar none puts alot of the others to shame. I would even go as far to say that a Skylar Black and Angela Jameson match should be the main event. Let's be real..lately some of the main event ...haven't really lived up to the hype. All with the exception of when Alex became World Champion. Other than that there have been many an under card match that has stolen the show. This time could very well be the same thing. I know that I'm read and anxious to do just that...Angela it will once again be an honor to share another battle with you... Take care of yourself my friend, heal up nicely...I look forward to a hard fought match... Good luck and be well.