"Finding Myself."

[ Here's a question that I want to bring to all of you. When you hear the name "Skylar Black" exactly what is the first thing you think of. Now before you answer I think I know what you are going to say. If we were doing a word association it may go something like this. Skylar Black= Saint... Am I wrong? Exactly I didn't think so either...After all the definition of a Saint is.. Saint"1)Holy Person...esp..one venerated by the RC or Orthodox church. 2)Very good, patient or unselfish person." That's what ya'll think right? I don't blame you for that if you do. I am all of those things. I've been nothing but those things for my whole life. But now I'm looking forward to changing that view. It's time to explore sides of me that have been curious for far to long. Like always when I'm stressed I shop which I did. I got some cute things for me and ofcourse my pup peanut. Then something for patience and mike. [ As I got out of my car and began up the walk way I saw Mike floating in the pool. Actually he was more sleeping on a raft and baking himself in the hot Florida sun. Shifting the bags a bit to make my hands not as sore I got close to the end where he was.] Skylar Black: "I do hope you put sunblock Michael...red just isn't a good color for you, and you won't be able to sleep tonight...atleast not well." [ Mike shifted a little bit on the raft before he turned to look at me. He looked at me for a moment before he groggily said... ] Mike Young: "I got sunblock no...and maybe red skin, but you should see me when I dye my hair red." [ Well now that just won't do...] Skylar Black: "Do you have any idea how long you've been in the sun for?" Mike Young: "Not really...maybe an hour...hour and a half." Skylar Black: "And you didn't used sunblock? Have you been drinking again Michael?" [ Alright I know..I sound like his mom and not a woman who has feelings for him, but really I just want to get through to him. After all he is suppose to set a good example for Patience.] Mike Young: "I haven't had anything to drink other than some Mountain Dew." Skylar Black: "Plan on getting out anytime soon, or do you want some company?" Mike Young: "Depends...do you want to join me in here?" [ Mike said, as he sat up on the raft almost falling off it, but catches his balance before he falls. I couldn't help but laugh as I let the bags drop a bit closer to the ground.] Skylar Black: "I could go in..that is if you want me to." [ Mike starts to paddle over towards the edge of the pool and towards me. ] Mike Young: "I don't want you to do anything...I was asking what you want to do." Skylar Black: "Never mind...." [ I figured it was a simple question. And I've watched Brandi do that to Rick so many times before. Rick will ask her what she wants and she turns it around on him, then before you know it Rick will say to her, sure baby come in and keep me company. I guess I'm just not as good at it as she is. Guess I'm not as good at alot things when it comes to flirting or trying to be a playful with a man. I picked up the bags and just softly said.] Skylar Black: "I'll be in the house if you need me for anything...And patience is over her friend Jessica's house tonight she's sleeping there...So..just thought you should know." Mike Young: "That's cool...it's nice to see Patience making friends and wanting to strengthen those ties of friendship." [ Mike said, before he got of the raft in to the water once he was close enough to the edge. He then lifted himself up out of the pool and on to the edge looking up at me. ] Skylar Black:"Yeah, I completely agree..but I still left the phone number with Jessie's parents. You know just incase Patience decides that she wants us to come get her." [ I couldn't help but wonder exactly what Mike was doing getting off his raft..] Skylar black: "do you need a towel?" Mike Young: "Not yet...Umm are you sure you don't want to join me? The Water is great." [ Mike said, and I could tell that he was nervous about asking me that. ] Skylar Black:"I don't want to interrupt your quiet time..I know how you look forward to it." Mike Young: "Nonsense...it's not all that much fun unless there is someone to share it with." Skylar Black: "Well ok...just gimme a second to go change.." [ Now as nervous as Mike may have been I can tell you it was nothing like the butterflies I had in my stomach. I took the bag and went in the house to change. I don't actually recall ever changing so fast in all my life. I dropped the bags by the couch and ran up the stair to my room. I put on my shiny pink bikini and then got two towels for myself and mike. I needed even need to think he may have gotten one. I know him too well and I know that to him drip drying is enough. About ten minutes later I opened the door and walked outside.] Skylar Black: "I'm back...I didn't take too long did I?" Mike Young: "Nope you didn't take that long at all." [ Mike said, before he took a running start diving in to the pool head first. He swam under the water for a bit before coming up to the surface to take a breath as the water ran down from the top of his head down his face. ] Skylar black: "Is the water really cold?" [ Sure in less then a minute I was going to put my foot in to test it for myself but I guess it's just a reaction question. You see someone dive in and automaticaly you need to ask it.] Mike Young: "It's nice and warm...it's a great day for swimming." [ Mike said, as he was kicking his legs back and forth to keep his head above the water. It's no wonder he's a good dad. Mike's like a big kid himself. I figured no point in delaying it. My grammy always said that it's better sometimes time to just jump in. And that's exactly what I did. I went to the diving board and dove right in and swam near Mike. I came up from under the water and ran my hands through my hair brushing my bangs out of my eyes.] Skylar Black: "You're right it is pretty warm today.." Mike Young: "Yeah it is...I thought about fibbing you and tell you that it was ice cold, but I couldn't do it." Skylar black: "It's ok..I still would have jumped in no matter..besides patience pulls that little trick on me all the time.." [ I said winking at him and slightly laughing.] Skylar Black:"So exactly how good of a swimmer are you?" Mike Young: "I am not olympic swimmer, but I can swim, but as you seen me I have mostly stay on the raft..." Skylar Black:"So I guess..you wouldn't want to race to the other side of the pool then?" Mike Young: "Never said that...as long as it's just swimming and not the butterfly...I think I can handle myself." Skylar Black:"No nothing fancy..." [ We went to the shallow end of the pool and got set to race.] Skylar black:"Are you ready?" Mike Young: "Ready...you ready?" Skylar Black:"Yep...on your mark...get set go.." [ Like I said Mike does sometimes behave like a child. So it shouldn't' surprise you that before I said go..he took off. I did my best to catch up to him but because of his head start he did beat me.] Skylar Black:"Hey not fair..you cheated!" Mike Young: "What? I didn't know that we were doing the whole on your mark stuff...I thought we'd each say ready and then go." [ Mike said, trying to look innoncent. ] Skylar Black:"Oh right...again..it's no wonder where patience learns this stuff...I do believe I've heard that before.." [ I didn't buy his innocent act. I did hear that very excuse from Patience before. That didn't stop me though from handing him a version of my own justice by splashing him..] Skylar Black:"Since you're fibbing like your daughter..I may as well do to you what I do to her.." [ Mike shook his head back and which sent the water from his hair flying off in all different directions. When he stopped he looked at me like he could believe I just did that... ] Mike Young: "I don't believe you splashed me...take this..." [ Mike said, as he splashed me with a bigger wave of water thanks to his longer arms. ] Skylar Black:"You made me do it..cuz you cheated.." [ Bravely I chopped the water a bit trying to splash him back at the same time trying to control my laughing, but it was no use. My only plan was to grab his hand and hope that worked. Mike looked at his hand and how I was holding on to it. For the most part it worked he stopped and then he looked at me with a smile on his face. ] Mike Young: "Only cause you said I cheated I will stop..." [ He said, before he used his other hand to lightly splash me. ] Skylar Black:"Gee thanks..." [ Ok so maybe it wasn't a full apology but it was a step in the right direction.] Skylar Black:"You know because of your evil cheating ways I have a good mind not to give you the present I picked up for you." Mike Young: "You got me a present? You didn't have to get me a present." Skylar Black:" I know that, but I loved the snow globe that you got for me so much I just wanted to show you how much I appreciated it." Mike Young: "You really didn't have to, but I will take it..." [ He said, playfully with a smile on his face. ] Skylar Black:"Well I'm not going to force you...Hey Mike what's that?" [ I pointed towards the fence and once he turned to see with all my might I shoved him under the water. Ofcourse I didn't want him to get me back so I swam away and put some good distance between us before he came up.] Skylar Black:" YES! Take That!" [ When Mike came up from underneath the water he looked at me as the water was running down his face. ] Mike Young: "You got me and because your so cute and you have a present for me...I'll let that one slide." Skylar Black:"Well come out of the pool then.." [ I swam towards the stairs and got out then wrapped myself in my fluffy pink towel.] Skylar Black:"Are you coming?" [ Mike quickly came swimming up to the edge of the pool and pulled himself up to the edge much like he did earlier. He looked at me with a smile on his face and with out picking up the towel I brought out for him he started to walk in to the guest house still dripping wet. ] Mike Young: "Are you coming?" [ Oh god....I hope he doesn't drip everywhere...I ran behind him and closed the door.] Skylar Black:"Yes...but didn't you want your towel?" Mike Young: "Drip drying is just good enough, but I will use a towel this time." [ Mike picked up the towel and then started to drying off. ] Skylar Black:"Thanks..." [ As Mike was drying off I put my towel over the door way to dry a bit. Then went into the bag I got at The Toy Vault. Now you may think it was something for Patience but it wasn't. As Mike finished drying off..I took it out and put it behind my back.] Skylar Black:"Now close your eyes..." [ He did just that and in his hand I put ...a first edition Dragon Ball GT manga (a japenesse comic book) for those of you who don't know. Mike opened his eyes and looked down as I waited for his reaction.] [ Mike looked at the book and he looked like a small child that had just given the keys to a candy and toy store. He so wanted to reach out and grab it, but stops when he realizes that his hands are still slightly wet as he could barely back out... ] Mike Young: "How did you know..." [ I swear I see a tear forming in eye he is so happy. ] Mike Young: "I wanted that?" Skylar Black:"I just know that's what your into...Don't you watch the cartoon on Tv or something?" Mike Young: "Yeah I do actually ..." [ Mike finished drying off making sure that his hands were really dry before taking the book from me. He looked at the cover of the book for a moment before flipping through the pages with a huge smile on his face. ] Mike Young: "Thank you...thank you very much Skylar." Skylar Black:"You're welcome..I'm just glad to see you happy..." [ I wasn't exactly sure if Mike heard what I said only because he was so engrossed in that comic. I did however see the light on the answer machine blinking. I pressed played to see who it was.] Answering machine message: "Hey daddy just wanted to call and tell you good night incase I forget later..I'm having a great time! I love you dad...oh and tell Skylar I love her too...night.." [ Mike snapped out of his engrossment of the comic book still with a smile on his face. ] Mike Young: "Did I just hear Patience?" Skylar Black:"Yes...she just called to say good night..Incase she forgot later.." [ She's so cute...calling to say good night. Atleast Patience has good manners. Not to say Mike doesn't but it's nice to see when kids are raised with thoughtfulness and respect.] Mike Young: "That's nice...too bad neither of us were in here to answer the call." Skylar Black:"Well she probably called while you were outside cheating me out of a win." [ I wasn't going to that go atleast not for now.] Mike Young: "Probably, but whose to know for sure." [ I just smiled at him..I guess there would be no sense in getting his attention now. Sort of a lost cause if you know what I mean.] Skylar Black:"I guess..I'll go change into something a bit more dry." Mike Young: "Okay..." [ He said, before he started to read the comic book more intently. ] Skylar Black: "Just as I thought.." [ I mummbled to myself as I walked out of the room. I have no idea how to handle a guy. I'm not Brandi James where men fall at my feet. I'm not confident like Cyprus is and I'm not nursing a broken heart like Tiffany is but yet she still has a man of her own to care for her. Sometimes I really wish I knew what to do around guys. There has to be a balance where I can still stay true to who I am with out totally abondoning my beliefs. I guess I'll just have to face the fact that Mike doesn't want me. That he only thinks of me as someone who cares for him and his daughter. So many things went through my mind as I slipped out of my bikini and put a pair of grey shorts and a white tank top on. Once I was done I walked back to see Mike still looking at the book... I didnt want to interrupt him..but couldn't help it.] Skylar Black: "Hey I was just wondering if you wanted dinner?" Mike Young: "Yeah...you want to cook or do you want to go out for dinner?" [ I wasn't sure if Mike really meant to ask that or it just came out because he was so in to that book. ] Skylar Black:"I'll make us something..." [ I waited a moment but I knew I wasn't getting anywhere..] Skylar Black:"So what do you feel like?" Mike Young: "Pot roast sounds good to me." [ Taking a deep breath I nodded.] Skylar Black:"Very well...gimme about an hour..Do you want potato with it? or Rice?" Mike Young: "Both if you can." [ He said, finally looking up from the book to look at me. ] Skylar Black:"Sure no problem..." [ Yep this is just what I want..a man that I think I'm falling for to treat me like a nanny, cleaning woman and personal chef. ] Skylar Black: "What veggie do you want?" Mike Young: "Carrot." [ Mike closed the book and put it down. ] Mike Young: "I' am going to go change and are you sent you want to cook? I could order some take out...piazza or chinesse?" Skylar Black: "It's fine... Just go change I'll be in kitchen.." Mike Young: "Alright if you are sure." [ Mike said, before he headed off to his room to change in a pair of blue jeans and white t-shirt. ] Skylar Black:"Yeah..I'm sure.." [ I wasn't exactly sure why but I wanted to cry. This was all new to me. I didn't know how to act and I didn't have any sister to learn from growing up on what to do. I was raised as a pure girl that really was only told that sex is strictly to have children. Maybe I should just give up on the fact. It's a real possibilty anyway that Mike doesn't want me. I took everything out and started dinner...wow that's fast..I guess I didn't realize how quick that would be. Before I knew it Mike was standing in the door way.] Skylar Black:"What? would you like something to drink? Maybe a glass of mountain dew?" Mike Young: "Not right now...just smelling how good dinner is smelling. Have I ever told you how great of a cook you are?" skylar Black: "Ok then..and no you haven't..it's not a big deal I learned from my grammy... But thanks..Anyway dinner is cooking..You can go back to your comic. I'll just be doing my own thing." Mike Young: "Why don't you come play one of my video games with me?" [Mike said, with a smile on his face. ] Mike Young: "I can read my book any time and well I don't want to see you spend most of your time by yourself." Skylar Black: "It's ok..I'm not good at video games..I'll be fine..I think I'll just go give Alex a call." Mike Young: "I can teach you...and Alex who? Not Wilkins I hope." [ Mike said, and I could hear the distaste in the sound of his voice by the way he said Wilkins, but I can't understand why he would. ] Skylar Black:"Actually yes...He's been really sweet to me and told me that if I ever needed anything or wanted to talk to call him." Mike Young: "You do know that Alex Wilkins is a liar and he has slept with several of my ex-girlfriends while he was involved with someone else." Skylar Black:"Alex is a born again Christen. And if that is true I'm sure he's seen the error of his ways. And if he hasn't I guess it's a good thing I'm not your girlfriend. Or else I would be in trouble...but it doesn't matter. Alex doesn't want like that..he's only a friend.." [ Lowering my head a bit along with my voice I added.] Skylar Black:"no man wants me like that..." Mike Young: "You don't know Alex that well then, because it doesn't matter if you are my girlfriend or not if you are close to me he will use you to get to me. Don't ask me why, but the man has a thing against us Young...he tries to do the same to Rick, but he isn't as lucky as what he is with me..." Skylar Black:"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way about him. It's just too bad you can't see he changed..." [ Mike walked over to me and placed both his hands on my shoulders. ] Mike Young: "Well I am sorry I know that Alex Wilkins isn't a man of change...or he would have stopped wearing those shiny pink shirts of his and I am sorry that I don't want to see you hurt by someone like that." Skylar Black:"No need to be sorry..It's just nice to think that someone wanted my attention. Someone wanted to learn about me and be with me. I do think you're wrong about Alex.." Mike Young: "Hey I enjoy being around you...granted for the first couple of weeks I didn't, but that's changed and I would enjoy to learn more about you...even if it's while playing Tekken five on the Playstation, but seeing as how you have faith in Alex I won't and well I can't stop you from doing so. However, watch yourself around him for me." [ Mike said, as he rubs his hands up hand down my shoulder slightly before pulling them away. ] Skylar Black:"I have to check on dinner."   [ Like I said..folks..he just doesn' t want me...] About the Match: "You know Aurora for someone who's had a lot to say over the last few weeks you're surprising me. It's not in a good way though. You see to me your silence is like an insult. Your silence to me makes me think that you have it easy. You probably think that you can just show up when ever you want..denounce God and the lord Jesus christ maybe destroy a few bibles along the way and then call it a day. You probably think that you're getting a very unfair deal. I mean this is your first week as a double champion and already you're being tossed into a triple threat match. The odds are stacked against you..yes.. But since you seem to have more confidence then you really should it wouldn't surprise me if you're not worried in the slightest. Incase you don't realize Aurora there are other women in this fed just as strong if not stronger then you. Sometimes we don't allow ourselves to reach our full potential because of distractions in our lives. And yes I know that you're going to say that didn't stop you. That your sister is dealing with problems and that is weighing heavy on your mind. I'll give you that, but let's face it your competition really didn't put much of an effort forth now did they? I'm not saying that Rumbler isn't credible because when he wants to give effort I know he's a tough competitor but really what did he do against you. In my opinion all he did was a choke job but yet I'm sure that with the inflated ego that you have you'll take that and boast about it. Then again there really isn't too much that you don't shoot your mouth off about. It's almost like dealing with another Rock of sorts..."I'm the greatest...I'm this..I'm that.." Oh please, the sun does not rise and fall on your command. It never has and it never will. What I'm sick of is being short changed around here. Just because of my being nice. I'm just as good as any of these women here. You beat me once Aurora and that's all I'm going to allow. I'm sure there's going to be constant complaining from you about this weeks booking. In my opinion what you should have done is looked at this as a great challenge. You're so up on out doing everyone to prove you are great but when you finaly get your shot all that happens is silence on your part. Now I put this question to you..does that make a good Fem-X Champion? Does that make a good continental Champion? Does that make a good Double Champion? NO it doesn't ...not seperately or together. Face it Aurora, you have just taken one of the best oppertunties of your career here in AWA and tossed it out the window. Your chance to make a true mark of great has slipped away and this time you have no one to blame but yourself. Speaking of potential..the other woman in this Angela Jameson is someone that I have admired here from day one. She has many qualities that more women should posses. She is strong and intelligent and the fact that she doesn't use her sexuality to get what she wants jumps her leaps and bounds over alot of the other ladies on this roster in my opion. For weeks now I have waited to see this woman rise like the true warrior she is,but sadly all that has been seen are flickers and teases of greatness. Nothing really like what use to be. So I ask you this Angela..Why? Where is the fight? Is there any left in you at all? Angela I beg of you..let out the woman that ruled all others once. The woman that it was ok for little girls to want to be like and look up to. The woman that I still know you are deep down. I know how you must want this. How wanting to achieve supreme greatness must eat at you every night. I know this because I too have that same fire. That same desire that once fueled you. My challenge to you is this Angie...In the Immortal words of the Compton Clovers cheer captain..."Just Bring it..." Oh deer Jesus I pray that you do!