--/Scene 1/--
The scene faded into what appeared to be a photo studio. There was an area with a camera and lighting set up in front of a black backdrop with the AWA logo printed across it. On the other side of the room there were snack tables, a cooler and a television. This is where we find Seth, Jalie, Cody and Jay. Seth stood next to a table munching on doughnuts while listening to Cody tell the tale of how he once fended off a giant grizzly out in the woods with nothing but a plastic spoon and his toothbrush. Jalie and Jay were parked on the floor staring intently at the television. They each had a beer in their hands which probably didn’t come from the available cooler.
“…then that son of a bitch took off. I couldn’t believe it.” Cody finished.
“Yeah, me too…” Seth said sarcastically.
Cody punched Seth in the shoulder only to receive the half eaten doughnut, accompanied by Seth’s closed hand, square in the face. A dark red liquid ran down from Cody’s nose as he just stood there, unsure if it was blood or jelly from the doughnut. Jalie quickly stood up and wiped it from his face and stuck her finger in her mouth. She looked rather disappointed that it was indeed jelly and sat back down.
“You look a mess.” Seth teased. “Perhaps you could get Jalie to help you with your makeup next time.”
Cody picked up the closet food item, which happened to be container of potato salad, and whipped it at Seth. He ducked in time and it soared over him, hitting one of the workers. Not taking this lying down, Seth picked up a platter of cheese and crackers but before he had a chance to launch it the photographer approached them.
“Are you ready, Mr. Thomas?” The man said with a German accent.
Disappointed that their potential food fight got interrupted it, both men dropped what they had on the table. It was like telling a couple children that recess was over.
“I suppose this is why I’m here.” Seth sighed and followed the man over to the set-up.
“Uh oh, check it out.” Jay announced when Seth was out of range.
Lexus Malone had just made her way through a set of doors and immediately headed in Seth’s direction. He didn’t notice her until she walked up to the photographer and started whispering in his ear.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Seth demanded.
She looked over to him momentarily, which caused him to get pissy from her lack of reaction.
“Okay everybody, take five.” The photographer shouted. It already appeared that the people in the room weren’t doing much of anything anyways.
“Well, I’m glad to see you.” Lexus greeted as she walked towards him. She had that certain sway in her walk and that twinkle in her eye women get that told Seth she was up to no good.
“I’m not even going to say I wished I could say the same.” Seth crossed his arms and sneered at her.
“Imagine my surprise last week when I hear my pilot announced that we had just landed in Amsterdam. Albeit I enjoyed myself, but it wasn’t my intended destination. I wonder how that happened.?” Lexus subtly accused.
“Perhaps you should talk to the pilot, he flew the plane.” Seth flashed a cocky smirk.
“Actually I did. He told me he received a bribe over the phone to make a little detour on the way to Australia. Clever that you didn’t give your name, otherwise he’d probably have given you away.”
“Yeah, well…” Seth trailed off, careful not to admit to what he knew she already knew. “You never did answer why you’re here.”
Lexus placed a hand on her hip and twirled the other around in the air.
“Remember that little thing we discussed before where you do anything that involves the AWA in any shape or form then you are required to wear what I assign you? Well, this would count, don’t you think?” Lexus gave off a satisfying smile. Seth, on the other hand, became irate.
“This is never going to end, is it?” Seth threw his hands in the air and walked away.
“Your wardrobe should be arriving any minute now!” Lexus yelled to him. She didn’t seem surprised at all when Seth’s middle finger rose in the air.
Back over at the snack table Jay was now on his feet rummaging through the food. Jalie was still sat on the floor and Cody was now sat beside her.
“What the hell is this?” Jay questioned as he held up a plate of escargot.
“It’s escargot.” Jalie told him. “Go ahead, try it.”
“I don’t know, Lielee…:” Jay said as he sniffed it. “It looks like snails and it smells like snails.”
“Do you honestly think that rich people would actually spend money on shit they can find on a lawn?” Jalie tried to convince him.
“Is that supposed to be a trick question?” Jay asked.
“Yes, now just eat the damn thing.” Jalie demanded. Not one to defy what she says, he shoved one of the little snails into his mouth only to immediately spit it back out.
“Aw! It tastes like snails too!” Jay whined as he scraped at his tongue.
“That’s because they are snails, dumbass.” Jalie graciously informed him. Jay went running for the restroom, knocking over several people “on break” in the process.
“Why does he still do what you tell him to?” Cody leaned over and asked.
“For the same reasons you do. Now get me a cookie.” She casually ordered. Also not one to defy her, Cody got up to retrieve a cookie and took his place next to her again.
“So does this work with Seth too?” Cody sneered as he handed her the cookie.
“Nope, he rather enjoys it. Makes things a little more fun in the bedroom.” Jalie said with a mouthful of cookie.
“Kinky bastards.” Cody shook his head. Truth be told, he wouldn’t mind it so much if it was in the bedroom either.
The doors to the studio opened and several different backdrops were wheeled in. Jalie and Cody watched as they passed.
“A ship…”
“Hot dogs…”
“Hollywood…”
“Ballerina studio…”
They both turned to each other.
“Dude…” Jalie said. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Lexus is going to make Seth do a photo shoot of every outfit she made him wear.”
They busted out into a fit of laughter. Seth came walking over in his “Captain Fancy-Pants” attire and looked down at the two raging hyenas.
“What the hell are you laughing at?” Seth bellowed with his arms crossed. He didn’t find this funny in the slightest. When nobody answered he became even more angry and kicked Cody in the leg.
“Ow! Fuck!” Cody yelped. He was torn between laughter and pain. This, of course, made him laugh even more.
“Aw, come on baby…” Jalie said as she stood up. “Is my Captain being grumpy?”
“Yes, he is.” Seth shot out, his face not budging.
“Well then. That means you’re just going to have to take me captive then, aren’t you?” Jalie said with playful look in her eyes. She ran her hands up his chest and bit her lower lip. Seth, not liking to feel better when he’s like this, lightened up a bit.
“Perhaps.” He said, trying not to sound any less angry.
“Oh please, don’t take me away. What ever would you do with me?” Jalie pleaded while lightly pounding on his chest. Not able to withstand his wife’s attempt to make him feel better anymore he picked her up and draped her over his shoulder.
“I’ve got quite a few ideas.” Seth stated as he smacked her on the ass. He headed for the nearest changing room as Jalie made an attempt to struggle. Jay came walking back over and saw Cody sitting there alone.
“Where’d Lielee go?” Jay asked looking around.
“Why couldn’t she make me wear that outfit?” Cody groaned. Jay, not knowing what Cody was talking about just grabbed another beer and sat down.
--/Scene 2/--
A beat-up neon green Ford Taurus pulls into the courtyard of the Thomas’ recently acquired home. The car stops and the door opens. Out steps a man wearing a pair of green and white floral print shorts with matching flip-flops, a dark blue blazer and a grey bowler hat. For those of you who don’t know this man he is none other than the goofy rogue reporter known as Gunther Boohiney; Reporter Extraordinaire! He twisted and turned, marvelling at the sight around him as he made his way to the front door. Inside the house Seth just happened to be on his way to the front door. He opened it to find Gunther standing there in mid-knock. Before Gunther had the chance to say anything Seth let out a shriek and slammed the door. He leaned with his back against the door and arms spread out along the wall as though he were trying to break in.
“How the fuck did he find out where we lived?” He wondered out loud.
Seth locked the door and made his way through the house to the kitchen. He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it at the sink. He slowly shook his head then stared out the window while he drank the glass of water when out of nowhere Gunther’s head popped up in the window. Seth freaked out and began to choke while frantically trying to close the blinds. Once the view was obstructed Seth took a few minutes to calm himself down. This was when Cody came strolling into the kitchen.
“What’s got your panties in a bunch?” He asked while opening the fridge.
“I don’t know how the fuck he found out about this place, but that crackpot Gunther just showed up.”
The hair on the back of Cody’s neck stood on end as he pulled a Molson Canadian from the door.
“What’s that creepy little bastard doing here?” Cody asked while popping the top.
“He’s a lunatic. He doesn’t need a logical reason to do anything.” Seth snapped as he made his way to the fridge as well.
“I’ll inform the rest of the house we’re on high alert.” Cody teased as he left the kitchen.
Seth, in the need of alcohol as well, opened the fridge to get a beer of his own. Another shriek escaped his lips when he found Gunther standing in the huge walk-in refrigerator. He immediately closed the door and leaned up against it. After catching his breath he slowly started to open the door and peer inside. This time there was no sign of Gunther. Seth walked in and looked around and was genuinely confused not to find him I there when there was no other way out. This was one of the many mysteries of Gunther, he would call it good reporting. Suddenly the fridge door shut, leaving Seth in the darkness. He fumbled and knocked several things over in his attempt to exit the giant icebox. But when he tried to open it, it wouldn’t budge. He rammed his shoulder into it and kicked it several times but got nothing from it. On the outside nothing appeared to be holding it shut. Jay came strolling into the kitchen and approached the fridge. Just as he was about to reach for the handle the door shot open and hit Jay sending him across the floor in an unconscious state. Seth stumbled out and, oblivious to what happened, and saw Jay lying on the floor.
“That son of a bitch!” Seth exclaimed. “He attacked Jay too!”
Seth made his way out of the kitchen in a paranoid manner. This isn’t the first time Gunther has driven Seth to near insanity.
“Hey…”
“AH!” Seth screamed as he jumped around and found himself staring down at Jalie. He stood there, heart pumping a mile a minute.
“What the hell has gotten into you?” Jalie questioned. Seth’s wide eyes slowly narrowed as he calmed himself down enough to speak.
“Gunther.” Seth managed to get out, but not quite loud enough for Jalie to hear.
“What?” She asked him again.
“GUNTHER” Seth yelled uncontrollably. Jalie quickly covered her ears and shook her head.
“Cheese and fucking rice!” She bellowed. Seth’s eyes went wide with paranoia once more.
“Sorry…” Seth quietly apologized.
“Babe, you need to get ready. We only have a couple hours before we have to be there.” Jalie informed him. “And quit fucking screaming.”
Jalie pushed past him. Why was nobody as concerned as he was? Was this all a dream? Was he just overreacting? Did he put underwear on this morning? Oh god, now he’s even thinking like him. He did his best to gain his composure and made his way to the bathroom.
“This is ridiculous.” He told himself. “My mind is just playing tricks on me.”
He grabbed the shaving gel from a stand next to the huge Grecian-style sink and lathered up his face. He grabbed his razor from the holster on the sink surface, rinsed it off and began shaving. While doing so, he was half-heartedly singing to him self.
“…living in a material world… and I am a material girl.”
Oh no he didn’t!
“You know that we are living in a material world… and I am a material girl.”
Oh yes he did!
Feeling a headache coming on Seth opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the bottle of Advil. He closed the door and in the reflection of the mirror there sat Gunther on the boulder-like seat in the shower with a shower cap over his bowler hat and a large scrub brush in his hand. This caught Seth off guard and he quickly jumped and spun around, cutting his face in the process.
“What the? How the?”
“Leave the questions for me, Mr. Thomas” Gunther said as he exited the shower. He approached Seth, stopping a couple feet from him and pulled his tape recorder out of his jacket pocket.
“Would you mind answering a few questions for the public?” Gunther asked as he tied the tape recorder to the head of the scrub brush.
“Do I have a choice?” Seth asked, already knowing the answer. Before he knew it Gunther had shoved the scrub brush in his face and begin his onslaught of questions.
“What are your thoughts about what Lexus has been doing to you? What do you think about Angela Jameson still being Youngblood champion? What do you think Lexus will dress you up as this week? Do you think a pink tutu would work for me? What are your plans for Final Fantasy? Do you fantasize about me?”
Gunther just stood there, not winded in the slightest, and awaited Seth’s responses. It took him a minute, but he was finally able to answer.
It’s joke. Like I’ve said before, all she’s trying to do is ruin my reputation as a professional wrestler and I’m not going to stand for it. Every week she tries to ruin me and every week I push right back. And as for Angela, I’ve already said what I needed to say about her weeks ago. How out of date are you?”
“Questions are for me, Mr. Thomas. Answers are for you.”
“Right.” Seth sarcastically agreed. “I honestly couldn’t care what she dressed me as. I’m not going to let it get in my way of beating Simon this week. Personally, I think a straight jacket would work better for you. As for Final Fantasy, I do have a plan. I’m not going to tell you what that plan is, but I have a plan.
Both Seth and Gunther look at the camera momentarily. Aren’t three year old joke wonderful?
“And the only thoughts I have of you are of you suffering some sort of horrible death by my hands. Happy?” Seth said with a bit of a dark smile.
Answers only, Mr. Thomas” Gunther reminded him, unphased by his last comment. Seth got a little frustrated that it didn’t work as well as he had hoped.
“What are your thoughts on facing Simon Sensation this week? What do you think about what he has been saying? Does it bother you that he has seemingly lost respect for you? Would you want to wrestle around with me? Do you have any other comments for him? Nice legs, when do they open?”
Seth stood there, shaving gel dripping from his face. He has been reminded all over again why he hates Gunther so much.
“Honestly I think it is a great opportunity for me. He’s had the spotlight on him for some time now and he’s a tried and true AWA veteran. It would be a huge boost for me if I get the three count on him. And yes, I do like to boast about my win over Simon. I didn’t physically pin him, but he was involved in the match. And if he were involved in the match and didn’t win, wouldn’t that make him one of the losers? Sure he wasn’t the one that got beat, I’m well aware of that, despite him constantly reminding everybody. He wouldn’t want anybody to think less of him going into Final Fantasy, now would he? I won and you didn’t. Deny it all you want but as long as I won the match I came out victorious over you. And question my morals all you want, as long as I get the win then I’m happy. If I had to slap my grandmother in the face to get the win over you I’d do it at the drop of a hat. Why? Because I do what it takes to win. Sportmanship and honour won’t do you any good if you’re sitting at home collecting pay checks every month.
“Ahem…?” Gunther interrupted. Seth looked rather annoyed.
“No, I won’t wrestle around with you, fruity little bastard. Now back to you Simon. You can make up your little songs and have your little fun but it‘s not going to do a damn thing for you Monday night. In fact, it won’t do you a damn thing at all. Because you suck! Perhaps you should try American Idol, you should fit right in with that bunch of buffoons.”
Seth stood there staring at Gunther. This carried on for several minutes until Seth finally let out a sigh.
“From a quarter to never to half past get the fuck out of here. There.” Seth reached over to grab a towel and when he turned back Gunther was gone. No trace of him leaving or him even being in there.
“God I hate that guy…” Seth said as he tipped back the bottle of Advil and went about his shaving.