The scene opened up inside the suburban household of Seth and Jalie Thomas. There were about two dozen bums gathered in the kitchen with Nick standing on a chair in his tightie-whities. All the bums were drenched, and peering out the kitchen window it is was easy to tell why. Nick raised his hands to catch everybody's attention.
--Hobo Nick--
Welcome, Branch 9746253180 of Bums United for San Diego and Surrounding Area. We will be having this meeting indoors this evening due to shitty weather. Now, let's get down to business.
Nick turned to the bum next to him and was handed a broken clipboard.
--Hobo Nick--
First order of business is to discuss where we will hold our annual convention this year. Any suggestions?
An older bum raised his hand at the back of the crowd and Nick pointed to him.
--Random Bum #1--
What about the zoo?
--Hobo Nick--
Nah. They got pissed one year and banned us when we went through and opened all the cages and put the employees in with the animals.
--Random Bum #2--
What about the Hilton?
--Hobo Nick--
Been there, done that.
--Random Bum #2--
I meant Paris.
--Hobo Nick--
Me too.
--Random Bum #3--
Why not here?
Nick put his hand on his chin and thought a moment.
--Hobo Nick--
Sounds like a good idea. That’s out of the way, on to refreshments.
Nick scribbled on the clipboard, which didn't actually have any paper on it.
--Random Bum #4--
Beer!
--Random Bum #5--
Bourbon!
--Random Bum #6--
Whiskey!
--Random Bum #7--
Scotch!
--Random Bum #8--
Wine!
--Random Bum #9--
Appletini!
Everybody turned to look at him. Oddly enough he looked eerily similar to Conan O'Brien.
--Hobo Nick--
Alright, what about food?
--Random Bum #10--
Stale doughnuts!
--Random Bum #11--
Rotten fish!
--Random Bum #12--
Pleather boots!
Everybody turned and stared at him.
--Hobo Nick--
"How the fuck do you eat a pleather boot?
Nobody answered.
--Hobo Nick--
There's a big barbeque out back, just bring your own shit and I’ll cook it up.
Nick scribbled on the clipboard again. Jalie walked into the kitchen and immediately gagged on the smell of wet bum. She tried to yell at them to get out, but couldn’t speak. Finally, she grabbed a Sharpie out of the kitchen drawer and wrote “GET THE FUCK OUT!” on the wall. They all herded out the patio door as Jalie ran over and opened the window.
--Jalie Thomas--
Are you trying to kill me!?
--Hobo Nick--
Well, the thought has crossed my mind…
Jalie reached for the closest object, which happened to be the toaster, and hurled it at Nick’s head. He ducked then ran off as Jalie chased him with a wooden spoon. The scene faded out.
-------------
The scene re-opened outside Hooters where Seth, Jalie and Jay were leaving.
--Jalie Thomas--
Anybody who says they come here for the wings is a fucking liar.
--Seth Thomas--
Not everybody gets to eat a wing from the cleavage of a waitress.
--Jalie Thomas--
Hey, she offered. And don’t act like you didn’t like it.
--Seth Thomas--
I never said I didn’t.
They walked up to the beat up El Camino and were about to get in when Seth stopped and stared off to the other end of the parking lot.
--Jay Dumas--
Hey man, what are you looking at.
Jalie and Jay glanced over at the empty police car Seth was looking at.
--Jalie Thomas--
San Diego’s finest…
--Seth Thomas--
How much do you want to be the keys are still in there?
Before either could answer, Seth walked off. They followed him over to the car, keeping an eye out for the returning officers.
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