“Now, I’m just going down the hall, I’ll be back in two minutes. Are you sure you can handle this?”

Jalie stood halfway in the doorway of the kitchen, informing Seth of anything that could possibly happen in the two minutes she would be gone. Cody, with the help of Jay, was off painting the inside of his and Carmen’s new home while she rested in Seth and Jalie’s bedroom. Nick had spent the last thirty-two hours in the spare bedroom, or so it was assumed since nobody has seem him leave. Jalie was going to check on Carmen down the hall, which left Seth alone with Alexandria. He looked at the car seat sitting atop the kitchen table. Little Alexandria was quite content staring at the light from the ceiling shining down on her.

“How difficult could it be…” He wondered aloud.

He walked over to the table and picked Alex up, holding her out to arms length. Her eyes wondered aimlessly around the room.

“Boo.”

Alex’s big eyes rested on Seth who was now smirking.

“Boogadie.”

She started to giggle. Seth tilted his head and narrowed his eyes in thought for a moment.

“Clown.”

Alex’s face immediately went flush and scrunched up as she let out a wail. Seth couldn’t help but smile as he buried her face in his shoulder.

“Just like your auntie.”

He walked around the kitchen while patting her on the back in an attempt to calm her down. There was a loud crash off in the next room and seconds later Jalie came limping into the kitchen.

“I leave you alone with her for two minutes…”

“Relax…” Seth assured her. “I was conducting a little experiment. Apparently she has inherited your fear of clowns.”

Jalie’s eyes went wide and her body rigid. If it weren’t for Alex, Jalie would’ve hurled the toaster sitting next to her for merely mentioning the word, and Seth knew it.

“Auntie Jalie wouldn’t hurl a toaster at uncle Seth with little Alex in his arms. No she wouldn’t.”

He held Alex up in front of him and made funny faces while he went on.

“I wonder what else uncle Seth could get away with while he’s holding little Alex, eh? What’s that?”

He put Alex’s face to his ear as though she was telling him something. Jalie glared at him as a grin grew across his face.

“You’re right…”

He held Alex out in front of him once again.

“She is a sad excuse of a pirate.”

Jalie’s knuckles now matched the white toaster. She highly prided herself on the lifestyle and the smile Seth now wore showed he crossed the line.

“Put her down…” Jalie said as calmly as she could, removing her hand from the toaster.

“No.” Seth said flatly.

“Put her down…” She repeated.

She started walking around the table and Seth immediately moved in the opposite direction. Like a lioness stalking her prey, she kept following Seth around the table, her gaze getting darker by the moment. Seth knew she hated being led on like this, but he loved getting a rise out of her. The fun stopped, however, when Seth backed into Jay in the doorway and Jalie caught up to him. She booted him in the shin and grabbed Alex out of his hands.

“She is not to be used a shield!”

Jalie kicked him once more for good measure and placed Alex back in her car seat, all the while glaring at Seth.

“You’re the one that left her under my supervision.”

“Because Goddess forbid a twenty-seven year old man can look after his niece for two minutes.”

“Nothing happened to her. And for your information, she was giggling for approximately half of that time.”

Seth seemed overtly proud of this, though Jalie paid him no attention. She picked up the car seat and went to walk past Seth but he stopped her.

“I love you.”

He knew she couldn’t stay mad at him for long. With a bit of a reluctant sigh she said it back and gave him a kiss. She headed off down the hall to their room and took Alex inside. Jay reached into the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Corona. When he turned around Seth finally noticed his entire head was covered in paint.

“What happened to you?” Seth questioned.

“I thought it’d be funny to poke Cody the side of the face with my paintbrush. Apparently he didn’t appreciate it was much as I did and dunked my head in the bucket of paint. If you need me, I’ll be drowning myself in the tub.”

He opened the bottle, took a sip, then walked past Seth. With a bit of a whistle Seth looked around the kitchen. It was official - he was bored. Many bad things have happened on account of boredom that Jay can vouch for. Seth left the kitchen and made his way down the hallway until he found himself outside. He looked around at the fairly clear sky then up and down the street. It was quiet. No screaming kids. No convoy of SUV’s polluting the streets. It was rather nice, but uneventful.

“Perhaps it’s a good time to meet the neighbours.”

Glancing to his right he noticed an Asian family unloading groceries from their compact car. This gave him an idea. He want back into the kitchen and grabbed a bowl of food from the fridge. He pulled back the foil and hovered his nose over the bowl.

“Yakisomethingorother.”

Actually, it was Yakisoba. Jalie’s cousin Adrian has an affinity for Japanese food and left it at their place before they moved. For some reason it didn’t get thrown away. He grabbed a couple pairs of chopsticks from the top of the fridge and made his way back out while singing to himself.

“I think I’m turning Jap-an-ese, I think I’m turning Jap-an-ese, I really think so…”

The family had already gone inside so Seth made his way up their driveway and rang the doorbell. One of the children answered the door and stared up at Seth. Before he could say anything they said something he couldn’t understand and ran off. Both of his parents came to the door and greeted Seth with smiles.

“Heyo.”

The man spoke with a really thick accent. Seth was horrible with accents and hoped they didn’t say something he couldn’t understand.

“Hi. We just moved in a couple houses down and I thought it would be a good time to meet our neighbours.”

Seth held out the bowl.

“I found this in the fridge and thought you might like it, since you’re Japanese and all.”

The couple look into the bowl and their smiles fade.

“We har no Hapanese. We har Chinese.” The wife said, sounding offended.

“And tha his full hov mold.” The husband added.

Seth retracted the bowl and peered in. It was, in fact, covered with mold.

“Oh.” He said as he lowered the bowl. “So you’re not Japanese?”

The couple shook their heads and the husband spoke up.

“We are Chi-nese.” He stated, putting emphasis on the word.

“Oooooh.” Seth nodded, understanding. “In that case, I’m starting to get a hole in the bottom of my shoe so if your kids get a chance later do you think they could patch it up for me?”

The woman gasped as her husband glared at Seth then slammed the door in his face. He immediately dug into his pocket and pulled out a couple coins.

“I’ll give them sixty-five cents!”

With his pleas unsuccessful he turns around and made his way back down the driveway, cursing the entire way. He abruptly stops in his tracks and looks down at the bowl then over to the family’s car. The feed switches back inside of the Thomas’ house where Carmen is pacing the living room with Alexandria and Jalie is curled up on the couch. They are startled by a shattering noise from outside and before Carmen has a chance to look out the curtain Seth barges through the front door.

“What the hell was that?” Jalie asked.

“I took the liberty of meeting some of our neighbours.” Seth told her while he tried to catch his breath. “And if the police ask, we’ve never owned a big white and blue floral print bowl."

------------------------------

So Johnny Lucas is supposed to be king of the hill, is he? He didn’t look like it when we seen him last. Drunk out of his motherfuckin’ mind and he wonders why people talk shit about him behind his back. Nobody respects somebody that willingly does that to themselves. So congratulations, you held more alcohol than everybody else.

Was it as fun the second time around?

Where exactly do you get off bitching about not being in the main event? Should we all grovel at your feet because you tell us to? Don’t answer that. For one, you’re lucky to even be here. Two, I wouldn’t go around here shooting your mouth off when you’re three sheets to the wind. Three, if Jalie and I are supposed to be an inspiration in any way then we would all be in a lot of trouble. You don’t seem to be the type either. Bad mouthing people like Dryden is a mistake many have made before you. It’s funny you should compare Allister to Al Gore. You kinda’ remind me of Bob Dole. Bob Dole wants you to vote for him. Bob Dole wants to be president.

Bob Dole.

Do you honestly love your name to the point you feel the need to refer to yourself in the third person? Perhaps it’s like Jalie said, it might be something do when you’re drunk. People do stupid things when they’re drunk. Finding a can of spray paint and deciding to “touch up” your car. Sleeping on top of the microwave.

Auditioning for American Idol.

Still, it goes without saying that people without an above-average intelligence don’t last in this kind of environment anyways, so I imagine we don’t have to put up with you for long. Your bother, on the other hand, might not share the same fate. Perhaps he can remember his own name without repeating it constantly. Perhaps he could be smart enough to do something worthwhile around here. Or, perhaps he’ll just lose himself in his bong, meet Jesus, and venture off into the desert.

You know how optimistic I am.