 |
Jalie: Seth, who has been paying absolutely no attention to what Jalie has been carrying on about, holds his finger up in the air and smiles in excitement.
Seth: Seth yanks up on the lid to the pot but it doesn’t budge. He lifts the entire pot up by the lid and shakes it but it doesn’t come loose.
Seth: Jalie takes it from him, holds it up to her head and violently shakes it. Jalie: I don’t hear anything. Ow, fuck! Jalie accidentally cracks it against her skull and tosses it across the room. It hits the wall with a dull thud and falls to the floor. Jalie rubs her head while they both stare at the floor where the pot landed. Seth: That was incredibly unsatisfying. This inheritance of your sucks all around, babe. Seth slumps off the bed. He picks the pot up off the floor and gently rubs it on the side. He stares at the spout for a few seconds then frowns. Seth: It was worth a shot. He tosses the teapot back on the bed in front of Jalie then takes a seat at the little table off in the corner and picks up one of the pamphlets spread out on it. Jalie: It has to be worth something. Jalie holds it out to arms length and starts shaking it once again, more so out of frustration. Seth: Perhaps we could find out just how much it’s worth. You’ll never guess what just happens to be touring Japan as we speak. Jalie: Que? She stops shaking the teapot and looks over at Seth. He stands up, walks back to the bed and sits next to Jalie. He holds up the pamphlet for her to see. Seth: Antiques Road Show! Seth stares into the camera with a shit-eating grin and the scene fades out.
The scene opens up to one of the many beautiful Tokyo Gardens. Jalie and her brother Jay are sitting along the edge of a large pond. She keeps banging her teapot off a small rock sitting next to her, remarkably not cause any damage to it. Jalie: Well, according to Antiques Road Show this is worthless. They couldn't even tell us what it's supposed to be or what it's made out of. Who the hell came up with the idea of getting shit appraised on Antiques Road Show, anyways? They sit there for several moments in silence when suddenly someone in a green, bi-pedal lizard costume comes running over the hill behind where the two are sitting. Right behind lizard are several police officers giving chase. One of the officers throws their baton at the lizard and hits them in the back of the head. The head to the costume flies off and Seth yelps in pain while rubbing the back of his head. Seth: It's a good thing this suit is heavy duty, damn! Jalie and Jay both bust out laughing when they see it's Seth in the costume. He stops just short of them and turns to face the cops. The five of them spread out all around him. Seth starts mimicking the noises Godzilla makes as they all pull out their stun guns. All at once they fire on him. Fortunately for Seth the suit is made of heavy duty, but flexible, rubber. One by one he rips them out of their hands and stomps on them. Four of the officers draw their batons and charge Seth. The one that threw their baton also happens to be the only one carrying a gun, which is now pointed at Seth. Seth manages to wrestle away one of the batons and tosses it at the gun-wielding cop as he's being toppled to the ground by the others. The baton knocks the gun away but it discharges as it hits the ground. Jay: Ah, cabron! The stray shot hits Jay in the shoulder, knocking him into Jalie. Jalie loses her grip on the teapot and it rolls into the water. The cops have Seth pinned down and are now beating him. The whirring sound of gears moving catches everybody's attention and they all look to the pond where there is now a large boat where to teapot once was. Seth manages to wriggle an arm free and points to the pond. Seth: I fucking told you it was a boat! Scene fades.
The scene opens up somewhere in the Mojave Desert. Jay Dumas, battered and bruised, is standing on the side of the long desert highway talking on his cell phone. Off in the distance behind him sits a cherry red convertible with two people sitting inside. Jay looks up to the sky and takes a deep breath. Jay: We fucked up. Voiceover: What do you mean you fucked up? Jay looks behind him to see what his companions are doing then turns back around. Jay: We lost Johnny. The voice on the other end is noticeably upset. Voiceover: You lost Johnny?! He and Seth have a match in thirty-six hours! Jay: Yeah… That’s not going to happen. The camera cuts over to the convertible. Hobo Nick is sitting in the passenger seat reading a book titled “The Making of: Rain Man”. Passed out sitting up in the backseat is Seth Thomas. He jerks awake and grabs his neck in pain from the sudden movement. Seth: What the fuck are we doing out in the middle of the desert? Nick: We live out in the middle of the desert. Seth readjusts himself on the seat and looks around at his surroundings, which aren’t numerous. Seth: What the fuck is going on? Nick: Jay is on the phone with the RWA commissioner. He’s informing her that we have lost Johnny and that you will have to forfeit the match tomorrow night. Seth: Wait, what? What?! Seth clambers over the side of the car and runs towards Jay, but after only a few steps his legs give out and he falls flat on his face. He scrambles to his feet and charges towards his brother-in-law. Jay: I don’t know. It ju— Seth tackles jay from behind and his phone flies up in the air. It lands in front of Seth and he quickly grabs it. Seth: We’ll call you back! Seth ends the call and rolls over to look at Jay. Jay: What the fuck, man? Seth: Why are you calling the RWA commissioner? Why was Johnny with us? Why are we in the middle of the fucking desert? Jay: We live in the middle of the desert. Seth: I know we live in the middle of the fucking desert! Both men get to their feet and dust themselves off. Jay: Don’t you remember anything from last night? Seth: No, I don’t. I don’t even know what day it is. I am in so much pain. What is going on? They start walking back to the car. Jay: The four of us partied in Vegas last night. Seth: The four of us? Jay: Yeah. The three of us were partying with Johnny in Sin City last night. Seth: That doesn’t sound like him at all. They finally reach the car, where Nick is now sprawled out in the back seat. Jay gets in the driver’s side and starts the car as Seth clambers over into the passenger seat. They speed off down the road. Seth: Nick, you’re wearing clothes. Indeed, Nick is wearing clothes. That is something he is not known for, especially pants. Nick: And the sky is green. What’s your point? Seth: Take your pants off, you’re freaking me out. Nick: Why would I do that? Seth: You never wear pants. What’s the matter with you? Seth puts his elbow up on the seat and rests his head on his fist. Jay: Hey, what’s that on your wrist? Seth looks at his wrist and toys with the little band wrapped around it. Seth: It’s a hospital bracelet. I was in the fucking hospital last night. Nick quickly sits up and looks concerned. Nick: Are you alright? Seth: Yes, I’m fine. What the hell has gotten into you? You seem… different. Even for you. Now please, take your pants off. I find it weird that I have to ask you twice. Nick shrugs his shoulders. He flops over, pulls his pants off, and then lets them go in the wind. He now sits wearing only a stained white shirt and his tightie-whities. Seth: Alright, so let’s start at the hospital. Drop me off there then you and Nick go search every hotel rooftop in the city. Jay looks at Seth with utter confusion. Jay: What the fuck are you talking about? Seth: I don’t know, call it a hunch. This all does seem so familiar. The scene fades to black.
The scene reopens to the inside of a hospital. Seth is being led through a hall by a middle-aged male doctor. They approach the nurse’s desk where the doctor picks up a file and begins flipping through the pages. Doctor: I’ve told you already. You came in late last night with some bruised ribs and a wounded ego. We patched you up and sent the four of you on your merry little way. Seth: Four? So Johnny was here! Doctor: Yeah, and you were all out of your fucking minds. We ran some blood work, and it doesn’t look good. Seth: Blood work? Doctor: Yes. It looks like someone slipped you a roofie last night. Seth: Are you saying that someone drugged us last night? Doctor: No, just you. We also have the results of your rape kit back. Seth: Rape kit?! What the-? Are you saying that I was raped? Doctor: Ugh… You bet your ass you did. Oh, sorry. Seth shakes his head in disbelief. Seth: No. No. No. That's not supposed to happen. Doctor: It looks like they left a mark, too. A little heart with their initials on the inside. Seth immediately pulls down the back of his pants and twists his body around to see the markings. Unsuccessful, he grabs a small hand-held mirror from the desk and tries to line it up. Seth: B…A? Doctor: AB, actually. Seth mumbles to himself while trying to identify the initials. He closes his eyes and lowers his head when he realizes just who it must be. Seth: Son of a whore! Seth curses as he pulls his pants back up. Doctor: Is there anything else I can help you with? I have a lot of patients. Seth: Yes. Was there anything we were talking about last night? Maybe somewhere we had come from or where we were going? Doctor: Actually, there was. You and your missing buddy were talking about some sort of wrestling match. Seth: Yeah, we have a match this coming Sunday. We’re wrestlers. Was there anything else? The doctor cocks his head to the side and thinks for a moment. Doctor: You guys were talking about a wedding you had just come from. One of you had just got married, or something. Seth: Wedding? Doctor: Yes. I assume that you’re familiar with the process since you have a wedding ring. Seth looks down at his hand then mumbles to himself. Seth: At least I know it wasn’t me. Doctor: Look, I need to tend to my patients. Check out the Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am Chapel, that’s all I can help you with. The doctor walks away and the scene fades out.
The scene reopens later in the day with the three of them now driving through the streets of the city. Jay: So, do you care to tell me why you had Nick and I search every fucking hotel rooftop in the city? Seth: Did you find anything? Jay: No. Why the fuck would we find anything up there? Seth looks off into the distance, ignoring his question. Jay: Look, man. We need to find something fast because we're running out of time. The only solid lead we have is that hospital visit. What did the doctor say? Seth: Nothing! Seth clears his throat. Seth: I mean, he mentioned something about a wedding we came from. And nobody was raped last night. Jay slowly looks over at Seth. Jay: Well, that's good to know. So what about this wedding? Seth: It's just a waste of time, I know where we need to go. Jay: There you go again. The last time you said that w-- Out of nowhere the convertible gets t-boned by a large SUV at an intersection and spins out of control onto the side walk. Four Asian men get out of the SUV and approach the convertible. The three largest men drag Seth, Jay, and Nick out of the car and stand them upright. After getting his bearings back, Seth starts laughing when he sees the smallest man approach him. Seth: Please tell me I kidnapped you because I said you were my lucky charm. Seth stops laughing when the man holding him upright knocks the wind out of him. The man he was just laughing at walks up and slaps him across the face. Smallest Asian Man: Last night you boys made off with something of mine so we made off with something of yours. Jay: You took Johnny! Give him back, vato! He claps his hands and one of his lackeys drags a hooded individual out of the SUV. He rips the hood back to reveal, not Johnny A.M., but Johnny Lukas gagged and blindfolded. Smallest Asian Man: You get your Johnny back when I get my money. Nick: That's not ou-- Seth kicks Nick in the shin. Seth: Of course, you'll keep him until we get the money. And if we skip town instead? Smallest Asian Man: Then we kill him. Seth smiles. Seth: One Lukas down, thirty-one to go. Smallest Asian Man: You go get money and bring it back here. You have one hour. Chop chop. Seth, Nick, and Jay all get back in the convertible, which remarkably still starts, and speed off down the road. Jay: For apparently knowing where to find Johnny, you've led us everywhere but to where Johnny is. Seth: Look, everything is the same, only different. Which means if we didn't kidnap whatshisface, there's only one place we haven't looked. Pull over! Jay slams on the breaks. Seth hops out of the car and runs around to the trunk. Jay unlatches it and Seth quickly opens it up. Seth: We fou--oh... Seth covers his face and looks disgusted. Seth: Well, fuck. He closes the trunk and slams his fingers in there as well. He lets out a loud shriek then everything suddenly goes black and reappears to show Seth jerking awake in the backseat of a red convertible. He sees Nick sitting in the front seat. Seth: I just had the weirdest dream. He looks around and sees Jay off in the distance talking on his cell phone. Seth: What's going on? Nick: He's on the phone with the RWA commissioner. Seth closes his eyes and throws his head back. Seth: Mother f-- Scene cuts.
|