Seth walked into the living room to find Jalie on her back staring up at the ceiling fan. He tilted his head as he noticed the three bottles of rum, two bottles of tequila and a partridge in a pair tree. "The alcohol is understandable, but where the fuck did you get that partridge and why is it in a tree?" Seth questioned his highly intoxicated wife. She apparently found his question hilarious because she went into a fit of giggles. This carried on for several minutes until she began gasping for air, then continued giggling as she tried to speak.

You'd be surprised what you find when you raid your neighbour’s liquor cabinet, " she said without taking her eyes off the fan.

"That still doesn't explain the bird," Seth reminded her. She raised herself to her elbows and looked in the same direction Seth was.

"What fucking bird?" She asked, looking at him as though he was the one that had been drinking. Deciding not to argue with her he just shrugged it off and left the room. Upon entering the kitchen he found Nick sitting at the table reading a torn and yellowish looking newspaper, but that wasn't what caught his immediate attention. Sitting on the sill outside the kitchen window were two doves. He gave his head a shake and looked out the window once again but this time they were no longer there.

"I could've sworn there were two doves sitting outside the window," Seth stated.

"I could've sworn that you were an asshole," Nick said from behind his newspaper.

"At least that isn't farfetched," Seth sneered. He walked over to the fridge and when he opened the door, to his surprise, three live hens fell out at his feet and waddled out of the kitchen. "Did you put three hens in the fridge?" He asked, turning to Nick.

"You keep telling me to put food in the refrigerator so I thought I'd do it so you would quit your bitching," snapped Nick.

"Not when it's still alive!" Seth roared. As he shook his head Mandy Moore's voice was heard singing from inside his pants. Seth's eyes went wide and Nick tilted his head back with a very disturbed look on his face. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his phone while mumbling something about Cody. "Four birds?" He read from the display.

"I'm not here," Nick automatically called out. Thoroughly confused, Seth put the phone back in his pocket.

"What the fuck is going on today?" He wondered aloud.

"Apparently we landed on the moon or some shit," enlightened Nick. Seth strained to look at the date on the paper, which was when he noticed the rings Nick had on his hand.

"Where did you get those rings?" Seth questioned. Nick momentarily turned his attention from the paper to his left hand where he had a gold ring on each finger and his thumb.

"Geese." Nick replied and went back to his paper.

"Excuse me?" Seth tilted his head. Annoyed, Nick slammed the paper down onto the table.

"There are six God damned Geese in the backyard. They all shit one out except the last one, that's why it's in the oven," shouted Nick. Seth looked over to the oven and saw that it wasn't turned on.

"It's not even turned on," he noted.

"Put food in the fridge, Nick. Cook food in the oven, Nick. There's just no pleasing you, is there!?" Nick bellowed then snatched the paper off the table and stormed out of the kitchen. Not even remembering why he came into the kitchen Seth left to investigate the backyard. He didn’t find the geese that Nick spoke of. Instead he gazed upon six swans swimming around in a kiddie pool and began to count.

"One... Two... Three... Four... Five... Six... Ouch!" Seth yelped as he grabbed his ass. He turned around and saw a seventh swan and kicked at it as it waddled off to the pool but failed and fell on his ass. He cursed as he picked himself up and walked over to the fence separating part of their yard from the private area where Jay lodged occasionally. He shouted for Jay as he stepped up on an empty bucket and peered over the fence. What he saw both baffled and horrified him. The disturbing part was one of Jay’s lady friends dressed up like a milk maid, apparently milking him; the baffling part was that there was eight of her. He lost his balance and fell off the bucket, hitting his head against the wooden fence. What he expected to be little blue birdies flying around his head when he opened his eyes turned out to be nine ladies dancing. Giving his head a shake he got up off the ground again and headed for the front yard. Once he reached the square patch of dirt he stopped in his tracks.

"Jesus..."

Literally. He tried rubbing his eyes but there was no getting around it; out in the middle of the road he saw ten Jesus' playing jump rope. He walked out to the sidewalk and one of them approached him.

"Hey man..." Jesus greeted.

"What are you doing?" Seth questioned.

"We're playing a game of Double Dutch, care to jump in?" Jesus offered, pointing to the others.

"That's alright," replied Seth. "But that wasn't what I was talking about," he said as he tapped the pipe hanging from Jesus' mouth.

"Oh, that. What do you want from me?"

Jesus sounded a little aggressive. As he ranted on Seth wasn't paying him any attention. Instead, he counted how many other Jesus' there were. He came to a sudden realization and interrupted Jesus.

"Shouldn't there be another one of you?"

With a snap of his fingers another Jesus appeared next to him, pipe and all.

"Are you happy now? Don't judge me, motherfucker!" Jesus shouted as he and his replica re-joined the rest of the group. A little taken aback from Jesus calling him a 'motherfucker' he turned around to another odd sight. Twelve marching bands marched down the road. As they reached where Seth and the band of Jesus' were the sole drummer from each group broke off and lined up behind Seth. At this point everybody Seth had encountered today made their way out to the street, followed closely by Jalie who stumbled after them holding the pear tree Seth saw earlier. Once in formation they all raise their arms and shout.

"And a partridge in a pair tree!"

[earlier that day...]

Nick came running out of a spare bedroom in his tightie-whities and into hallway where he ran into Seth.

"Where the hell have you been?" Seth asked. This was the first time Nick had been seen for a few days.

"Making this. Here, take it," Nick said as he held out his hand. In his palm he held a little green pill. Seth picked up the tiny round tablet and looked it over.

"What does it do?" He asked.

"It makes it Christmas," Nick said in a mysterious voice.

"No way..."  

The scene opened up inside the kitchen of the Thomas residence. The camera moved closer to Seth as he leaned over into the large refrigerator. He stood up, closed the door, then turned around and walked straight into the camera.

“Alright, this is ri-goddamn-diculous!” Seth exclaimed. If you’re going to be wondering around our house with those cameras again, you need to stay out of the fucking way.” Now mildly annoyed, he placed the items in his arms on the counter and began to prepare breakfast. The cameraman moved over to Seth, making sure not to invade his bubble.

“So, you think you’re clever, do you Shawn? Knowing that I’ve never defeated a woman in the ring, my wife included, you throw me to two of RWA’s top female competitors. It seems as though I’m not the only one having this trouble though, considering all of RWA’s titles are held by women. I honestly expected you to book me against Miranda, since she seems to be your special friend. It did throw me for a bit of a loop to see Ms. Delight put in the mix as well. I think more-so the fact that you made it a triple threat match as opposed to a handicapped match. Looking at the stipulation, though, I must admit that I put my foot in my mouth when I mentioned the endless supply of Lukas’. They’re already showing up here, for fuck sake.” Seth glanced out one of the kitchen windows and shook his head when he saw Tyler asleep on an inflatable bed in the pool.

“So I find myself against the Universal champion and one half of the United champions. I’ve held the United titles on two occasions and the equivalent of the Universal, then the RWA Heavyweight championship. All that means fuck all for this match, and I’m okay with that. All of this was six years ago. I’m not here for gold or glory; I’m here for the spirit of competition, which is what I expect to find from KC and Miranda. Well, and to annoy the shit out of Walsh. This week shows that the two can go hand in hand.” Seth placed the food on a large tray and exited the kitchen. The cameraman followed Seth until he finally reached the bedroom door, where came to a halt and looked into the camera.

“I must say that I’ve rather enjoyed training for this match. I’ve done so vigorously, I might add. After all, what better way to prepare for a match against two women…” Seth cracked open the door. Sticking halfway out from under the bed sheets were Jalie and Rachel Pitt. “…than to train with two women. Fuck you, Shawn.” Seth bumped the door open, walked in, and then tapped it closed with his foot.

“Fuck breakfast, who wants seconds?”

[Fade.]