MAN VS. LESBIAN

Scenes open up as a beautiful mixed woman is knocking on a door. Grumbling can be heard from the other side. The door opens and she smiles at whoever is inside. She pats the person the back signaling to them that the food is ready. She heads over to the kitchen and serves herself some egg and bacon. The person inside can be heard fumbling around, possibly looking for some appropriate clothes to wear. Finally, out of the room comes The Iceman. Yes, me. That woman? That woman is my sister, Alexis. My mom had a little affair with a black man a while back while Mark and me were wrestling on the road. Indeed, my successful eighteen-year-old sister. Even Mark and me paid for the house and car, she’s kept the house in perfection condition and she’s been nothing more than a saint to the rest of this family. We always considered her the most grateful person in the family. I walked into the kitchen and almost died from the smell.

Anthony: Damn!

Alexis: What?

Anthony: I didn’t know you could cook like a chef. Maybe I should carry you with me on the road when I go to Breakdown.

Alexis: Ha-ha. Stop kissing ass…you’re still in trouble for not telling me you and Ashley were splitting up.

Anthony: Splitting up is a nice way of saying she plans to put me in financial ruins.

Alexis: Stop being so melodramatic. Things aren’t as bad as Mark says they’ll be. I think she still loves you deep down inside and cares about you. You might take a hit in the wallet but not as much as Mark is saying.

Anthony: I hope you’re right.

I took out a plate and began to serve myself some eggs and bacon then placed the plate on the table. I checked in the fridge if she had milk. I don’t know why I love milk in the morning so much…I could never deal with the acidy orange juice. I felt like a new man even though I wasn’t sleeping in my own bed. Alexis let me stay over her house while I’m hear and sleep in her guestroom. It’s not the smartest thing to stay in the house with the person who plans to divorce you. Makes you want to do things to them that will see you in jail for the rest of your life. Not saying I would do that but just for precautions, you know? I don’t want my sons to be motherless…even if their mother is trying to me penniless. After pouring a glass of milk, I took a seat near Alexis and began to eat. I began to eat some of the egg even though I just felt sick to my stomach about the whole ordeal. Suddenly my train of thought was interrupted…

Alexis: Like it?

Anthony: Like what?

Alexis: The breakfast, silly.

Anthony: Oh…yeah this is good.

Alexis: I know your stressing over the divorce; don’t let it get to you. Come on, tonight Breakdown will be in your home state. Don’t you think you deserve a little bit of a break?

Anthony: I do. I just can’t get any.

Alexis: Don’t worry things will be better.

Before I could even respond to her, I hear a small noise coming from the guest room I was sleeping in. I listened closer and realized it was my cell phone. I immediately moved the chair back with my body and got up. I hustled my way across the kitchen and into the room. Damn! Missed the call. I took a seat on the side of the bed and picked up my cellular phone. I realized, after flipping it open, that Harry had called. I quickly called back as I knew he might be calling me to come to the office. He had informed me on my trip from Ohio to New Jersey that he would call me when he had no other clients to deal with. I scratched my head as the phone rang. All I could do was wait and hope that he isn’t busy. I know, it’s only been a minute but that’s all it takes for someone to go from daydreaming without a care in the world to running like a mad man around the office. Finally I heard a deep voice on the other end.

Douglas: Well that was quick. Surprised you could still sprint that fast to the phone and recall at your age.

Anthony: I’m only twenty-eight, ha-ha. So what’s going on?

Douglas: I’m going to need you to come down to the office as soon as possible. I want to discuss the case.

Anthony: All right. See you in a few minutes, then.

With that, he hanged up. I flipped the phone back closed and walked out the room. I wanted to piss myself I wasn’t ready for this. I mean who the hell is ready to lose everything they have? It couldn’t have come at a worse time, either. This was my time to shine. Gang Rulz was in my home state and I wanted to be the star but here I am wondering if the only stars I’ll see are the ones circling my head after the divorce case. I knew, even with a seasoned lawyer, that I was over my head. Once I got back into the kitchen, Alexis looked up at me with a bit of concern. I could only let out a weak smile, I felt so weak that my legs felt numb. Finally, I was going to have to face with this. Ashley had suggested. Ashley had threatened. Now she was going to finally put the boots to my backside and we would be heading for a divorce. At this point a simple sigh had to do.

Alexis: What happened, Ant?

Anthony: He said to come down to the office. We’re going to discuss the case.

Alexis: Oh that’s good.

Anthony: Good?

Alexis: It’s better that you move forward with this than to have an impending divorce hanging over your head for another week.

Anthony: True. I have to get dressed and head out; I’ll see you when I get home…all right?

Alexis: Okay, be safe.

I kissed her on the head and went back into my room. I opened my suitcase and took out a nice white dress shirt with blank pants. I put them on as well as a red and white striped tie. You quickly learn in the business to keep at least one to two formal clothing with you. You never know what is going to happen: weddings, funerals, and events. I went to the bathroom where I proceeded to brush my teeth and what have you. When I finished I looked into the mirror. I saw not myself, but a man desperate to keep his family…desperate to keep his money…desperate to keep it all but knows that the odds are against him. I just hung my head and headed out of the house. Thankfully, Mark and a friend drove my Dodge Viper over. I quickly hoped in and went to the office. After entering the building and going up the elevator, there I was opening the door to Harry’s office. I opened the door and my jaw almost dropped, as Harry looked embarrassed.

Douglas: I…I don’t know…they got here.

He stuttered and as long as I’ve known this man…he has always been confident and very good with his English. He was cherry red as I stared down my wife and her lawyer. My wife, looked beautiful as usual…even more so. Her lawyer looked beautiful as well. So this is the Bette Porter Mark talked of. Her beautiful curled brown hair and bottle shape would fascinate the most uninterested man. I looked at both of them as if I had seen a ghost. I had more than likely turned pale. I usually do when the most unexpected thing happens. I soon snapped out of my trans. What was I to do? Say “Hello” and shake hands? I can tell you what I wanted to do. I wanted to get on both knees and beg for Ashley’s forgiveness. I saw the sternness in Miss Porter’s face and could tell this would be nothing more than hell. Over what? A squared ring and a big check? Screw that. I noticed Harry was sweating. He never does that. Damn. I’m screwed.

Douglas: Why don’t we…uh…all take a seat and discuss?

Anthony: DISCUSS WHAT? They already have their plan to bring me into financial ruin for the next decade…you and ME need to talk. Not you, THEM, and me!

Ashley: ANTHONY! CUT IT OUT!

Porter: Hmm…just like men. Always thinking someone is out to get them.

Anthony: Think? THINK?! How about having the ABSOLUTE COMPLETE KNOWLEDGE that someone is out to get me?

Douglas: Anthony, breathe. I know, their...uhm…visit was unexpected. There is no reason for you to freak out though. Let’s just all sit down and discuss. Maybe we can settle the case right now.

Anthony: …I wish I knew of a wrestling move that would allow me to kill myself. I would perfect it on the first try trust me.

Porter: Father is suicidal…hmm…not a good thing.

Anthony: …Get her out of here now, Harry!

Porter: Save your yelling for court, we aren’t staying long. We just here to inform ol’ Harry over there that Ashley will be taking custody of the children. You, of course, cannot take care of your kids if you’re cross-country. Either way, Mrs. Thomas and I are going to leave for a night of coffee and more discussion about the case.

I stepped to one side as they walked out of the room. A smirk came across Bette Porter’s face as she left. I saw it. Ashley had the uneasiest look I ever saw. Damn. I’m done for. Why me? Why now? The worst thing is MY money was paying for her lawyer. I was paying for my own downfall. I looked over at Harry as he was uselessly fumbling with papers to avoid my glaring green contacts. My heart slowly came back to a normal pace as I closed the door. I probably was still red in the face from yelling but I attempted to calmly sit down. My hands shook from the adrenaline rushing through my body. There I sat across from Harry who soon took notice of my nearby presence and decided it would be smart for him to take a seat as well. We both looked at each other knowing that this couldn’t get much worse…if it did we would both find small secret islands go to hide and survive in for the rest of our natural lives.

Douglas: I know what you’re thinking, Ant. I’ve known you for years…you think you’re a dead man walking. Not true. You MIGHT be looking at paying a few millions a year in alimony and child support with limited restrictions in seeing your boys BUT it can be worse.

Anthony: …………You’re kidding, right?

Douglas: It could be worse. Porter has so much power she can make sure you never see your sons again and every single dollar that goes into your pocket leaves and goes into your wife’s. It seems bad but it’s a cakewalk to what she can do. Porter can wreck your life. You should be thanking Ashley. Usually, if a client of Ms. Porter’s doesn’t clearly state they don’t want to make their husband’s life a living hell…she would usually wipe them clean. I suggest you apologize to your wife about your freak out and thank her for going soft on you. Trust me, this IS soft when it comes to Bette Porter.

Anthony: Damn…

Douglas: Well?

Anthony: Well what?

Douglas: What the hell are you waiting for? You have a wife at home waiting for you to come to your senses.

Anthony: Right. Thanks man.

I hustled out of the room and headed back into the car. I usually spend my time on the road silently wanting to slit the throats of others who drive fast or recklessly but tonight…I was one of those people. Not that my reason was better than anyone else’s but I could care less. I had a match in a few hours and if I kept driving this fast fate my catch up to me and I’ll end up in a hospital bed but it was worth the risk. Worth telling my wife that I was sorry for acting like a damn fool. I knew that little “coffee break” had been long over. Coffee didn’t take that long especially when Ashley could down coffee like an alcoholic Hispanic near a six-pack of Coronas. I pulled up to our house and got out of the car. A simple knock to the door and Ashley opened it up. Our eyes meet as if it were the first time we met. She probably couldn’t understand for the life of her why I was here but she would soon. Scenes fade away to black.