DEATHMACHINE
EPISODE ONE: THE PARTY PEOPLES

When I was a young boy.
My father stuck a mask on my face.
First it was because I was ugly.
But then it became a reality.

I became a wrestler at a young age.
I used the mask and the tights I sewed myself
And I struck out on my own.
My father one day asked me,

Son, when are you going to thank me?
Thank him for what I've become?
No.  There is no 'thanks.'
No 'please' either.
Not even a hand shake.

I killed my father.

I buried the body in the back yard.
I paid off the lady living next door.
Then I killed her too.

Pretty soon it became hard to explain the deaths.
Without the mask.
I said in my gruffest voice.

"I have become awesome, destroyer of your face."

HOMICIDE.

_________________________

"Tanya Barrera & Jennifer King"

The camera focuses on DEATHMACHINE.  He's at a cabaret.  He's looking quite fashional in a three piece suit and pinstripes.  He's got a burrito in his hand and he's trying to hurry up and finish the last bite so he can speak.  He holds his hand up then makes a "hurry up" motion as he swallows hard.  A bean falls out of the burrito and lands on his jacket, as he chews he pulls the bean off the fabric and pops it into his mouth.

"Ok, I'm ready."

The camera man replies in a hush voice, "We're recording."

"What?"  DEATHMACHINE enquires.

"We're.  We're recording!"

"Oh.  Well that's just all kinds of wrong."  DEATHMACHINE snatches the camera from the camera man.

The view jostles up into the air showing the ceiling then comes back in time to catch DEATHMACHINE's fist smashing into the camera man's face!  DEATHMACHINE turns the camera around and holds it up to his face.

"I am DEATHMACHINE.  You record only AFTER I finish chewing the food in my mouth.  Now get it right before I bash you again and this time enough to probably kill you AND your dad!"

The Camera man reluctantly takes the camera back with a grunt.

"We're here today at the cabaret because I want to liken Barrera and King to shemales.  The reason I do this you ask?  Well other than the fact that I'm very fond of chicks with dicks, I mean."  DEATHMACHINE pauses, "Beating UP chicks with dicks.  You know, a kick to the ole ballsack.  Anyway, I'm fond of the trannies and well I liken King and Barrera to them because frankly these guys are complete and total women.  You know that "Party People" is code for "Bisexual Orgy" and you heard it from me so you must know it's true."  DEATHMACHINE motions for Fredweina to come hither.

Fredweina almost looks completely female if not for the fact that she has an over cut tranny rhinoplasty and well, she's naked and her dick is flopping around.  She has a bra on however which hides her cock eyed nipples.

"Meet Fredweina.  She's a regular around here and as you can see she is infact a chick with a dick.  A dick bigger than most men I may add."  DEATHMACHINE pauses as the camera zooms in on her shrinky dink, "Now.  King and Barrera are not just your regular trannies.  See, they are infact the opposite.  They are HeGals.  If you were to pull down King's pants when he was Nirvana you would have spotted a nice chubby cock hanging there.  Unfortunately for King, Nirvana was just a stupid marketing ploy and so was that chubby cock. Nowadays if you pants that fuckface and showed the world, you'd see a beautiful little vagina where his cock once was."  DEATHMACHINE tugs at his collar, "Wanna put that thing away Fredweiner?"

"It's Fredweina."  The woman says in a ridiculously masculine voice.

"How do I know King has a vagina?  I'll tell you how, he's married but he's not the husband.  No, I'm not saying that Rachel Pitt has a cock, but she is known for a relatively enormous strap on.  She uses this strop on dildo to drill her wife Jennifer King and make her scream.  I mean him.  I'm confused."  DEATHMACHINE shakes his head, "The main point of all of this is that King is really a woman and the only cock and balls he did have turned out to be some'n made up by Allisa O Toole."

DEATHMACHINE spins around and lets out, "YOW!"

"Tanya Barrera though.  Let me tell you, I know all kinds of secrets about this fella.  I'm here at the cabaret and you know what?"  DEATHMACHINE smiles, "At first I figured Tony Barrera was a pretty cool guy.,  He likes all the same things I do.  Punching.  Laughing.  Eating.  But I found out something terrible about him OR her at last week's Aftershock.  This is of course when Tanya joined the Party People.  He came out with that same old RWA bonehead smirk on his face and was up to his old tricks and decided to take his own cock and balls and trade them in for a labia and some cooter lips.  Why did he do this?  He's slumming because he no longer has the junk to be Superior.  Tanya Barrera is nothing more than cannon fodder.  Or at least a side dish to my main course of party-like-people."

DEATHMACHINE whips a snickers bar out of his pocket.

"At least I know why Gust joined the Party People.  He merely wants to ensure that the gates of hell are reopened.  Usually for the team captain of Evil Over Rule that would be a hell of a good time.  Unfortunately it is less Hell reopening and much more a terrible gimmick that will give Rachel Pitt nightmares for years to come.  But hey, even Fight One has a blooper reel.  Must fill that up."  DEATHMACHINE bows.

Fade to Black.

__________________________________
_______________________

"Kamikaze"

The Cameraman focuses in on DEATHMACHINE.  This time he's at a Japanese food restaurant.  He's sitting in a booth, once again in his beautiful suit.  He's eating some noodles.  He's bobbing his head to tunes playing through the iPod Nano he stole off some punk kid.

"This Miley Cyrus isn't too bad.  I'm still shocked that her dad is the Achey Breaky Heart guy.  I still owe him about a dozen beat downs for getting that song stuck in my head."  DEATHMACHINE yells over his noisy headsets.

DEATHMACHINE wipes his mouth and tosses the napkin over his shoulder.  It lands on an old lady's head and raises quite a glare.

"Get your EYES off me!"  DEATHMACHINE rolls his eyes and lets out an aggravated sigh, "Ok.  Now you're wondering why I'm here at a Japanese food restaurant.  The plan was for me to go to one of those Japanese Game Shows to make fun of Kamikaze but I got hungry so we had a lil change of plans."  DEATHMACHINE belches, "Noodles get me gassy."

DEATHMACHINE lets one rip and the waiter walking to the side of his booth falls over.  The dishes crash and soon just about everyone is glaring his way.  DEATHMACHINE just turns his iPod up louder.

"Kamikaze use to be a joke?  A little birdie told me that he was planning on being considered a legitimate athlete.  That's a shocking revelation to me considering he's yet to really do anything in Fight One other than lose.  Yes, maybe joining the Party People is all he's really done so far.  By doing so he is also holding true to his heritage.  He is indeed on a suicide mission into the vast reaches of the unknown."

DEATHMACHINE slaps his hands on the table, "Where is my goddamn egg roll?"

DEATHMACHINE does not care which ethnicity.  They're all Asians to him.  Hell, even Mexicans are often times Asians to him.  He even confused E.T. for a goddamn Asian.

"Now.  There's one thing that upsets me.  The fact that Kamikaze is not Chinese.  See I had a funny joke planned about gathering all the men in his family together, chopping all their dicks off and it looking like someone spilled a bowl of rice but that opportunity is gone now.  Apparently his dad was one of the guys that dive bombed the Arizona.  MY GRANDPA WAS ON THE ARIZONA.  So what if it was like five years before the attack happened, and was just a tour but still!  The fact remains that Kamikaze is obviously un american because some bozos he and I don't really even know or care about sunk some boats in Pearl Harbor."  DEATHMACHINE shakes his head, "Honestly I'm more angered by the movie Pearl Harbor than I am by the actual attack on Pearl Harbor.  At least that ended.  The movie goes on and on."

DEATHMACHINE leans back in his chair and lets another one rip and gets comfortable, picking at his teeth.

"Kamikaze, I recommend if you plan on being a legitimate athlete for you to steer clear of names like "The Party People."  Why?  Should I have to tell you why at this point?  The only thing  you've got going for you is the fact that you're lowly enough they might not notice you if you just keep on hiding out behind King's big booty."  DEATHMACHINE licks his lips, "Mmm, I want some ice cream."

DEATHMACHINE gets up and smacks an oncoming old Lady.

"Out of my way hussy!"

__________________________________
_______________________

"Rachel Pitt"
"The best for last"

The Cameraman focuses in on DEATHMACHINE in a hot tub.  He's got his mask on but probably nothing else.  He's up to his chest in bubbles so no fair peeking ladies!  DEATHMACHINE is sipping on the freshest and most expensive boxed wine he could find.  He's got strawberries and there's a playful melody playing.

"So.  I bet you're wondering why I'm here in this Jacuzzi tub.  DEATHMACHINE makes his own bubbles, I know, it seems ridiculous to me.  But I'm here for a very special reason."  DEATHMACHINE licks his lips and smiles, "For a very special lady."

DEATHMACHINE pulls a framed picture of Rachel Pitt out of the water, it's soaked and dripping bubbles but he lays a big kiss on it.

"DEATHMACHINE doesn't always express his feelings in the most healthy of ways.  I once wrote the name of my love on a water tower but misspelled her last name.  How was I supposed to know there wasn't a W at the beginning of "Hore."  Needless to say that did not go over well and the DEATHMACHINE found himself the owner of a lonely heart."

DEATHMACHINE pulls out a remote, trying to change the music to the song of the same name but it slips and falls into the tub.  The camera man reaches for it but DEATHMACHINE slaps his hand away.

"Careful there buddy, Lil DEATH is for ladies only."  DEATHMACHINE slugs back another shot of wine and wipes his mouth, "Not that I could blame you for wanting to latch onto my sausage."

"I wasn't."  The camera man says.

"Shut up!  What do I pay you for?"  DEATHMACHINE asks.

"Uhh, I'm supposed to get paid?"  Asks the Camera man.

"Zip it!'  DEATHMACHINE quips.

"You said this was a mandatory film class project."  The Cameraman asks quizzically.

"It totally is and don't worry, I'll slip you a five spot for your trouble.  Now shut up so I can continue this romantic romp into Rachel Pitt Land."  DEATHMACHINE eats a strawberry. "Where was I."  The bath bubbles.

"Sick."  Says the camera man.

"Heh."  DEATHMACHINE sighs, "I'm comfortable around you, what can I say?"

"Can we get on with this please?"

"Oh yeah right.  So I'm here being all sexy and tempting for the fair Rachel Pitt.  She must know that we have chemistry.  I know she can feel it.  I feel it all over.  It's almost as if flames are licking the tip of my penis."

"That's an STD."

"No."  DEATHMACHINE rolls his eyes, "DEATHMACHINE is a virgin."

"Wow.  I'm not surprised though."

"I've been saving myself for the right woman.  That woman is Rachel Pitt."  DEATHMACHINE's beautiful brown eyes pierces the camera lens.  "Rachel, I don't blame you for that awful name.  Party People, not Rachel Pitt i mean.  Well, the last name Pitt is kind of dopey but we're over that.  All that we have left to do is make me not a virgin anymore.  I know you're married but that's ok.  You're technically the man in the relationship so if you cheat a little, it's just you being one of the guys.  Sure King will cry some but you just smack the shit out of him and tell him to go clean some dishes."

DEATHMACHINE kisses the portrait of Pitt again.

"I feel warm and fuzzy inside.  I know that our love has only just begun.  I know you will be the proud mother of DEATHMACHINE junior, or as I like to call him: deathmachine."  DEATHMACHINE smiles sweetly, "I'm serious, I fucken love you."

"Like really love her, or just want to fuck her love?"  Asks the Camera man.

"That is no kind of love for me.  I'm talking about the kind of love that gets messy and sticky on her chest and she thanks me over and over again.  I'm a stud!  I'm three times Shane Clemmens and like ten times Shawn Walsh.  I'm sexier than Johnny Lukas and I have way better hair than Brick Ramrock, even though you can't see it.  Use your imagination.  Not only that but Adam Moore and Calvin Pierce helped me pick out my new flashy duds."

"Ok let's wrap this up, i'm almost out of tape."

"Rachel, in closing, I know that you secretly desire me and I'm here to be the first to say that I have the super hots for you.  You can blame it on your personality or that ass that makes me wish you were a kinky catholic school girl.  I have an appropriate garment too, if you'd every want to, ya know...  Play dress up."  DEATHMACHINE pops his knuckles, "Well I think that was a pretty bad ass promotional if you ask me."

"I didn't though."

"Shut up!"  DEATHMACHINE punches the camera out!

....static....