_____________________

 

N$V
"Victory and Evolution"

Super Dro has many effects indeed. Sometimes the right person smokes it and gains powers even greater than Super Shane and Sexy Seth. Sometimes the two combine. Sometimes Super Dro makes you SuperSexy or in this case, Bodacious.

Bronwen exhales glowing green smoke, “Damn.” She mutters. “Tis the good shit.”

TermaShawn stops dead, his hooves “clop” against the concrete.

“You!” TermaShawn snorts, his red eyes glow bright.

Bronwen grabs a nearby rail and rips it off the wall and wields it like a sword.

“You can call me Bodacious Bron, Ultra-Jackass.”

“I will eat your SOUL!” TermaShawn gallops towards Bron, breathing in snorts of green smoke as he goes.

Once in range Bronwen swings the rail as TermaShawn looks to pounce! WHALLOP! TermaShawn’s head flings sharply to the right as his big metal jackass tongue flings out. TermaShawn hits the ground in a pile.

Shane gets to his feet and sees Craxx and Mucus Knight bearing down on them, full sprint.

“Oh shit!” Shane slams his fists on Seth’s chest, “Live, damnit, live!”

“Oww! Fuck!” Seth sits up, holding his chest, “Fucker!” Seth notices Craxx and Mucus, “Oh shit!’

Bronwen tries to help but TermaShawn falls on her back. She wrestles him around and brings him over with a back suplex! Shane and Seth try to cover but suddenly Craxx and Mucus stop dead in their tracks. They both look to Bronwen and immediately gain erections.

“MINE!” Mucus says, rushing towards Bronwen.

“NO! Me and my girlfriend are having a threeway!” Craxx yells, “Yeah, I like chicks too!” Says Craxx’s hand puppet girlfriend.

Bronwen flings TermaShawn off her back and turns just in time to stop Mucus and Craxx dead in their tracks. She has ‘em both by the junk.

“Fancy a fuck, do ya?” Bodacious Bron sneers.

Bronwen wrestles Mucus Knight around and slams him up behind Craxx.

“Not that kind of threeway!” Craxx cries, his hand puppet girlfriend cries with him.

Mucus seizes up and turns bright red.

“Nooooooo!” Mucus screams!

Both Craxx and Mucus grow a bold nearly blinding white light and cease to exist in dissipating screams.

“Who’d a thought?” Bronwen laughs.

“Awesome.” Shane walks up to Bron with a noticeable hard on. “So, ya know. Since we’re here.” Shane tokes on his one hitter. “Some super fucking?”

Seth tokes up, “I gotta neutralize my… Ya know…”

“How thoughtful.” Bronwen smiles.

Suddenly TermaShawn rises back up with fury and anger! He leaps into the air.

“No.” Shane leaps into the air as suddenly TermaShawn turns back into just plain old Shawn. As Shane punches Shawn’s head off his shoulders the Universal Title slides back down over his arm. Shane lands and tumbles but pops back to his feet.

Shawn hits the ground and shatters like glass.

“What the fuck?!” Seth blinks.

Shane breathes steam from his mouth…

“The shit gave me super breath!” Shane laughs, freezing Seth’s feet to the ground.

“Hey fucker!” Seth struggles, “That’s not fair.” Suddenly flames shoot from Seth’s hands, melting the ice, “Whoa.”

Bronwen floats by, defying gravity.

“Yeah, this shit is pretty fun.” She laughs.

THE END?!
 

 

N$V: DRYDEN
N$V: CLEMMENS
"In Closing"

Hahah, what, you thought we were gonna let you two fucks go without having a final word in all this? Now, don’t be silly, sit down, listen and take your fucking lumps like the men you wish you were, assholes.

If only the two knew how to listen.  Man, you'd be dangerous.  You don't.  You make shallow assumptions that only get you into trouble.  You spout off about things you don't understand and pass it off as edgy.  You eat up more time than anyone else in Fight One and you complain about what we do?  Ha.  Your Entertainment is so fantastic.  You can keep it.  Unfortunately for the both of you, Seth and I are in the business of pain.  If it entertains, so be it.

Jaxx, you’re shit is so tired. I feel exhausted just thinking about revisiting everything we’ve been going over in the first month that the company has been open, I really fuckin’ do. I really hope this match marks the last time we meet for a good long while, Jaxx. After all, how many times can a man beat the fuck out of someone before he finds the act too repetitive to continue? I refuse to allow the majority of my time here in F1X be spent by constantly slapping you around like some pissy child. Ya see, I got bigger and better things on my horizon, and no, I’m not just talking about the United Titles.

But not that any of that should matter to you, anyhow. It’s not like you’re going to become accustomed to being in the limelight. In truth, your greatest moments so far in this federation are simply the losses you take from the likes of No Cash Value. We’re your fucking white whale, Ahab, and trust me, you don’t have a harpoon raw enough to take us down. Keep trying to get out from under your partner’s shadow by barking up trees you have no business being around. Maybe one day it’ll fuckin’ work in your favor. But that day is not gonna be this coming Aftershock. Fuck that. This shit was over before it started, motherfucker.

I know you're flattered Jaxx.  I know you love the attention.  Right now you're soaking it in, basking in it.  You're totally lost in yourself, so why not, right?  Seth is spot on when he says your shit is tired.  You force the same bullshit down people's throats week after week and don't even worry about what brains you're numbing.  You're that, mind numbing.  So is your song and dance.  You don't have respect for this ring, hell, you don't even have respect for yourself.  Still you live on praise and it drives you balls to the walls.  You can't live without that fucken crack pipe in your hand.  That's what you're on if you expect me to believe your bullshit.  So be flattered Jaxx.  You haven't seen the real thing yet.  You'll get some at Aftershock.

I have to give it to you though Jaxx, you remind me of the way things use to be and frankly it makes me smile.  I remember back when Ebdon use to mean something** and so did the people he put out there.  Now you are simply a relic of a time long gone and it is now time for No Cash Value to prove it to you.  Don't worry though Jaxx, there are not enough beatings in the world to shut you up so you feel free to keep on talking.

**Homosexual intercourse

Hey, Knight, guess what? You are not fucking special. However, you should indeed feel fucking touched that I would take the time to actually recognize you as my opponent this week. I know that piece of tin you love touting about so much has gone to your head, but what you need to realize is that you are still nothing to be talked about. You’ve done fuck all in F1X, you truly have. Maybe that’s why you’re so fuckin’ keen to get to us at Aftershock. Shit, I mean, gaining a win over us-- that in itself would be something better to fix your reputation on over that joke of a title you hold.

I really hope you don’t get it into that underused brain of yours that once you lose to us at Aftershock you can just keep coming back at us. You talk about proving Superiority Complex’s place in this company once and for all. Guess what motherfucker, you’ve been trying for weeks, and you haven’t done just that. You’ve yet to show the company that Superiority Complex is worth the air time-- not even once. After this match ends, we’re fuckin’ through with you jackasses. No Cash Value is primed and ready for a complete takeover, and we’re not gonna keep wasting our time on people who don’t deserve it.

I do indeed expect you to come out swinging Lucas Knight.  I expect you to bring your best fight to the ring and be a fucken man.  That's what I expect of you.  I don't hope you'll crumple man, I hope you'll fight to your last fucken breath.  You need to be pushed and that bozo you call leader is not going to do it.  You might think you're on the even keel with Walsh but that just shows how delusional you are.  Walsh is out for himself and would happily fuck you to get what he wants.  He doesn't want second best though Knight, that might work for you, but Walsh is still more like me--he wants Number One.  But for sure, bring the fight, Primetime.  I'll show you why my title's better than yours.

Also man, I don't need you to fucking critique me.  Your words might mean something to pinheads and the sluts you stick your dick in but it isn't worth fuck all with me.  You simply have to learn.  You are in no way suited to be casting opinions either.  Save those for your phony little video diaries that you youtube with Jaxx.  Fuck that and fuck you for thinking it was necessary.  This isn't therapy, this is an ass kicking.  Know when it's time to shut the fuck up.  You're going to get hurt, pain is now inevitable.

And before you get happy in the pants thinking about me and my "little group" I want you to consider the fact that I have a fucken army marching behind me and what do you have?  You have Moe and Curly fucken Joe.  The "Superior" Three Stooges.  Fuck you, you little stuck up punk.  Once you reach the point in life where you don't need a teleprompter why don't you give me a fucken call.

At aftershock, It's on.   

Get fucked, the both o’ ya.