____________________

DIRTY MIND FUCK
"Records."

“The one thing in this world I can’t ignore is back. The delusions I once called home have returned to swallow me up for good. Till. The Dope Show. The Delusions. Ladies one through fourteen. I joined Fight One thinking all I had to do was make some dough to pay off some joke assed loan sharks. I thought it was all over when their cap was peeled back. But now. Man… Now, it’s crazy. My best friend is dead, my nephew, now Dope Show is back and I’m staring down the double barreled shot gun that is Northern Xposure.” I pause a moment and ash my cigarette. I stop recording and take another drag.

I must keep a record of all of this. The only way to save myself now is to make those on the outside aware of what really happened. That’s if I can even organize this shit myself.

I wanna shoot you down now for the things you did
From far away I came, got away from seeing red
I came a long way to see you
Such a long way to see you
I came a long way to see you
Now I wish you were dead, wish you were dead

I hold the digital recorder to my lips, “This is going to sound ridiculous. Till Rammstein is not just a man. Somewhere along the line he became—more than. He’s not like you or me. He’s found a way to cheat death. Am I saying he’s immortal? Sort of... He claims he created me--his blood runs through my veins, just like it did Dare’s. He’s not immortal though, he needs hearts. He says he’s been through eight. Eight life spans.” My hands shake as I put out my cigarette. The walls are closing in on me.

The delusions are back and they’re worse than before.

I came a long way to see you; now I wish you were dead
Such a long way to see you with a gun to my head
I wanna shoot you down for the things you said
Came a long way to see you; now I wish you were dead
I came a long way to see you
For I wish you were dead
Such a long way to see you
With a gun to my head

I light another cigarette, my head and heart pound. I hold the recorder to my lips, “I’m guessing he was born in the Thirteenth century. He claims to have ridden with The Golden Horde. Fuck the way he acts, I believe him.” I stop the recorder and rewind. I start it recording again, “He wants his place back and I fear if I don’t act now I’ll be forgotten about. Fuck, it’ll be as if I never existed. He has a heart now, he doesn’t need me but he still needs a bride. He needs a way to bring her back… His one true love. He’s gotta start the cycle all over again.” I stop recording and sit in silence a moment.

The moon is absent from the night sky and the only light is from a shitty lame and the cherry of my cigarette.

Hit me on the run, loadin' up my gun
Blowing up the spot, hiding cause I'm hot
Fire is my friend, marking where I've been
Committed every sin and do it all again
Be on the look out for the amber waves of grain (heading for your street)
The green lady moved away and changed her name (feel my pain)

“The obvious thing to do is take out the bride. End the new blood line. The only problem is the gal that Till has scouted out for this new bride. Bronwen.” I stop recording and let out a sigh, “I couldn’t protect any of them, how the hell can I protect her…” I stop recording and rewind, “I’ve been number one for so long, I don’t know how in the hell I could handle taking a backseat to The Dope Show. He came before me, long before Fight One, and many promotions before it. I’ve been number one. Now he has new life.” I let my head drop against the table. “The only way to stop Till now is for us to destroy each other.”

I came a long way to see you
Now I just want to leave you
I came a long way to see you
Now I wish you were dead, wish you were dead
Came a long way to see you; now I wish you were dead
Such a long to see you with a gun to my head
I wanna shoot you down for the things you said
Came a long way to see you; now I wish you were dead

“There’s one problem with that equation. This isn’t Watchmen, I can’t become a superhero and fight my way out. No glowing blue cocks to the rescue.” I laugh and rewind again, “So Till is a madman with my nephew’s heart beating inside his chest. This is not the first time Till killed someone for their heart and if he gets his way he’ll do it again and again. I couldn’t stop him from taking my nephew but I’ll sure as shit see to it that he doesn’t get Bronwen. I’ll see to it that he doesn’t get to No Cash Value either.” I put my cigarette out and knock back a hit off my flask.

Feel my pain coming up from the sewers
To the house on the hill
I'm the boss of all bosses
Got a license to kill
Take, feel the love
If the truth be told

“What I’m about to do may not be the sanest thing I’ve ever done but frankly I’m better known for the insane things I’ve done. Yeah, I could kill Bronwen and stop him.  But...  There has to be some other way...  Fuck.  There has to be another way.”

I fight off the urge to rewind the tape to the beginning and erase it all. It all sounds so ridiculous… I can see it already.

SHANE CLEMMENS, CHARGED WITH MURDER, PLEADS INSANITY.

I slip the recorder into a manila envelope and close it.

 

DIRTY MANIFESTO
"The Part of me that Died."

One second is a lot to deal with when it means the difference between honor and disgrace.  There's no doubt that I am to blame for the United Titles falling into the hands of The Gentleman's Club.  They have their prize now and their prophecy continues.  Congratulations would be in order of not for the fact that it will no doubt fall on deaf ears.  Nobody's paying attention.  They're all making assumptions and it obviously works for them.  The hand fell a third time and thus began the Club's reign of mediocrity.

With that my Tag Team career ended too.  I don't like any match where I have to depend on anyone and vice versa.  I am a solo artist and the fact that I have the Universal Title proves it.

Seth Dryden did his best but I could not make the break.  No doubt the glory of the celebration of mediocrity took hold when Adams and Pierce held the titles proudly and marched out of the ring.  Let it begin Fight One, let it begin.  It was a foregone conclusion wasn't it?  Fight One's own little dance with inevitability.  Congratulations. 

When The Gentleman's Club and their one pathetic gimme-title victory fades, no one will remember their names.  I'm guessing they'll just say "Bond and Bonder" in reference to them.  Fuck the Club and fuck all you out there like them.

With the United Titles going to the F1X's Chip and Dale dancers Shawn Walsh finally finds himself with a "sort of" victory over No Cash Value.  I bet the critics are a buzz over Walsh's first victory in our war. It would figure, Walsh's buddies can't cut the mustard so they hire mercenaries to do it for them.  Perhaps Walsh should take the route of Darius III and fill his army with nothing but mercenaries. 

Regardless, Walsh to finally claims a victory in an attempt to turn the tide of War to his advantage.

That could very well happen.  This could all slip right through my fingers and land in the lap of Shawn Walsh.  That's what he wants, he feels he deserves it.  Maybe he does.  Maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe this ring isn't worth protecting.  Maybe, just maybe, I'm merely a vessel to carry the title to Walsh at Northern Xposure.  What if I am the silent fourth member of Superiority Complex?  Hell, what if I'm really Shawn Walsh?  There's even a chance that I'm each and every one of you. 

I exist only because you decide that I should.  When will you decide it's time for me to go?  When will you let me rest?  The answer is: Never.

I am bound to do your bidding and I will do it to the best of my ability. 

Just please, for the love of god, no more Tag Team matches.

 

DIRTY AMERICAN DREAM
"Mighty mighty man."

It’s night time and the road is spreading out as far as you can see. We’re in the desert and the wind is to our back. Silence would dominate the scene if not for a distance rumble. That rumble is rivaled by the sound of pounding bass. A rabbit is illuminated by oncoming headlights as it hops across the road.

Our hero’s behind the wheel.

The Challenger roasts past the rabbit—it turns and bobs its nose before rushing down into the ditch on the other side.

Inside the Challenger you could cut the tension with a knife. Shane’s in the driver’s seat, Bronwen’s in the passenger seat and Dominique Maxwell is in the back seat.

“So then he dove a knife into your throat. He killed you, cold as chilled salmon. Fuck, it was so real.” Shane continues, “I thought it was real. Fuck. I barely know what real is anymore.”

“Well I’m glad you came to ‘rescue’ me Shane but I’m not exactly sure I need it.” Dominique says.

Shane turns down the music and gives Bronwen a glance.

“You think I’m insane don’t you?” Shane asks.

Shane’s unloaded it all. Bronwen knows full well she’s lady fourteen and Dominique is swallowing against the idea that she’s lady nine. Shane never considered that the love affair between him and Dominique may be over. They assumed the role of friends and with that Shane assumed any romance disappeared. Dominique though just like years ago, still has a way of hiding things. Hiding things that make her chest pound—things that make her detest the creature sitting in the passenger seat.

“Nah, I figured you for insane the day we met.” Bronwen pauses, glaring at Dom in the rearview mirror, “This Till shit makes you plain loopy.”

“So…” Dominique interrupts Bronwen, “Till’s a vampire.”

“No.” Shane floors it, putting Dominique back into her seat, “He’s a fucking nightmare that stepped into life. A relic. Some kind of fucking--”

“Immortal.” Bronwen whispers.

Looking at Bronwen’s eyes glow of the side of his eyes Shane can’t help but ponder her by Till’s side. His heart races. He sees Till kissing her, he sees him devouring her. He can hear his voice.

Till’s voice screams: SHE WILL BE MINE!

The Challenger rips off the road and kicks up dust!

“Watch were you’re going Shane!” Bronwen screams!

Shane shakes his head as he snaps out of it and swerves back onto the road.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Bronwen asks.

“Nothing.” Shane stammers.

“Pull over.” Bronwen says but Shane doesn’t. “PULL OVER!” Bronwen yells.

Shane locks up the breaks and the Challenger screeches to a stop. Bronwen immediately rolls out of the Challenger and starts walking up the side of the road. The landscape is dark and all you can see is stars—the moon is hidden somewhere beneath the horizon. Bronwen’s leather boots shine in the headlights as she kicks up dust. Shane rolls out of the Challenger and Dominique follows.

“Bronwen!” Shane yells, “There’s nothing for hundreds of miles! Get back into the car!”

“I’m not letting you get me killed! Psycho boy!”

“Is this a fight?” Shane asks under his breath. Shane goes to follow her but Dominique stops him.

“Shane, let her cool off.” Dom whispers.

They’re close enough to kiss. Shane closes his eyes, remembering her taste but he shakes his head, “No I’m not letting her cool off.”

Shane pulls free of Dom’s grip and rushes up behind Bronwen, he reaches forward and pinches her ass.

“C’mon, chill!”

Bronwen turns around and swings her fist right into Shane’s jaw, knocking him right on his ass.

“Fuck, where’d this hostility come from?” Shane says, favoring his jaw.

“Because of you I’m in the middle of fucktard America, I don’t have a penny to my name, I nearly get my neck broken by a roided up Knight and now you’re trying get me killed in a goddamn car wreck. No thank you.” Bronwen keeps going.

“Hey!” Shane pulls himself up. “This hasn’t exactly been a pleasing couple of weeks for me.” Shane catches up with Bronwen and pulls her around to face him. “Just give me a second.”

Bronwen lays a knee into Shane’s family jewels. Shane wilts.

“On top of all that, TILL, TILL wants to buttfuck me to death or whatever it is German leather freaks do. Oh but it gets better. I’ll become his long lost fucktoy? Am I right?”

“Yeah, that’s about it.”

Meanwhile Dom is back by the car and she can see oncoming headlights.

“Shane?” Dom asks, looking at him, then back at the headlights, “I think we’d better move.”

The headlights disappear.

“Nevermind.” Dom says, she stops and listens, she can hear the growl of a big rig coming up quick. “Hmm.” She considers, getting into the driver’s seat of the Challenger.

“Bronwen!” Shane’s still wincing from the knee to the nuts. “Wait!”

“Shut the fuck up!” Bronwen yells over her shoulder.

“Quit being so difficult!” Shane hollers

Bronwen stops and exhales as she’s just lit up a cigarette. She approaches Shane quickly, trying to punch him in the face. Shane stops her fist in the palm of her hand and holds it. She fights against him but he wraps her up and takes her down to the ground.

“Oh that’s it!” Bronwen sneers, putting up a fiercer fight.

Shane forces her hands down to the ground and looks her right in the eyes.

“Try to kiss me.” Bronwen growls, “I’ll eat your fucken face.”

“Oh you’ll eat my face?” Shane laughs.

Bronwen tries to bring another knee up but Shane blocks it and works his way between her legs.

“No more with the cheap shots.” Shane whispers, “I have a plan. You’ve gotta trust me.”

Bronwen slams her forehead into the bridge of Shane’s nose and he sees stars. He rolls over with blood already running down his face.

“For the love of god!” Shane screams.

“Wedding’s OFF! We’re over! This, all of this is over!” Bronwen sets up and tries to take a drag off her cigarette but it’s broken. “And you broke my cigarette!”

“Whether we’re getting hitched doesn’t matter to him. All that matters is that he’s got a big ole hard-on for that hole and he’ll do anything to get in it.” Shane mutters.

“And a beautiful away of putting it to boot. I fucking hate you.” Bronwen growls.

“No you don’t.” Shane retorts.

“Oh I fucking do. It’s true.” Bronwen shows her teeth.

“GUYS?!” Dom pulls up in the Challenger. “We’d better go!”

Bronwen looks down the road just as high beams come up on a oncoming Semi. It’s coming right for them.

“Goddamnit.” Bronwen says, pulling Shane up, “Get on your FEET Soldier! GET ON YOUR--”

The Semi blows past them and its Jake break screams as its tires lock up. It swerves, sending its rear tires off the road. The bob-tail bounces as it goes. Finally it comes about, glaring down on the scene with its heavy spotlight like headlights.

“Fuck, Till.” Shane groans.

“Ya think?” Bronwen asks, shoving Shane into the car. Shane’s head cracks off the door jamb as he falls face first into the back seat.

“Ow.” Shane groans.

Bronwen flops into the passenger seat.

“Hit the gas!” Bronwen puts her foot over the middle console and stomps on Dom’s foot which is already on the accelerator.

The Challenger roasts its tires narrowly avoiding the ram attempt from the Semi. The Challenger rips down the road as the Semi roars forward off the road, flipping a bitch to make chase. Shane looks out the back window at the piecing headlights as they create separation.

“I miss back when this shit was simple. Ninjas and Pirates and shit. Fuck.” Shane groans.

Shane closes his eyes and sees Bronwen and Dom both on top of him, getting all naughty like.

“Happy thoughts.” Shane smiles a big dumbassed grin.

He closes his eyes again seeing oily bodies meshing and sexing. He sighs…

“Awesome.” Shane nods.

Bronwen reaches into the back seat and smacks Shane over the back of his head.

“We haven’t got the time for you to picture Annika and I making out!” Bronwen growls, “Give me that fucking gun!”

“ANNIKA?!” Shane stammers. “Dr. Mannika Fraud?”

“One in the fucking same!” Bronwen says, looking at the headlights tightening up on them, “Can’t this lead sled go any faster?!” Bronwen looks down at the slap stick, which hasn’t moved. “Oh.” She slaps it into high gear and the Challenger roars!

The Challenger’s tires smoke at sixty miles an hour and it puts all three passengers back into their seats. Unluckily for Shane it sends his face smashing into the back window.

Once Shane peels his face off the window he accosts both the women in the front seat.

“That’s just AWESOME for the Transmission.” Shane gripes, “That’s an ORIGINAL by the way.” Shane shakes his head realize he let something slide, “And why the FUCK would I picture the two of you making out?”

“Eww! Us?” Dominique says, ruining Shane’s previous fantasy…

“No, not that fantasy, the other one… Fuck, no! Ick! Annika?!”

“Shut up and hand me the fucking gun Shane.” Bronwen commands.

“What if I don’t want to hand you the gun?” Shane pouts.

“HAND ME THE GUN!”

Shane reaches under the seat and pulls out a gold Desert Eagle .50 cal. Shane hands it to Bronwen.

“Overkill?” Shane asks.

“That Till—he’s a fucken elephant. Need a proper gun.” Bronwen says as she rolls down the window.

At this point, Bronwen does what she’s known for. She leans out the passenger window and opens fire on the Semi behind them. The first bullet rips through one of the headlights sending the Semi into beer land. The second round cracks the radiator. The third rips through the driver’s shoulder. The fourth bullet hits the passenger side tire. The semi swerves and plows off the road and flips side over side.

“Stop the car!” Bronwen yells.

“No.” Dom says, her teeth grit, “I am not stopping this fucking car.”

“We can end this!” Bronwen says.

“No! Don’t you remember? He can’t die!” Dom tries to rationalize.

The Semi explodes into a ball of fire in the distance behind them. Shane looks at it as it lights his face up orange.

“Awesome.” Shane admits.

“If that didn’t kill the fucker…” Bronwen squints as in the distance the door of the Semi opens up and a flaming man crawls out. “…Or not.”

“DRIVE FASTER!” Shane yells.

To be continued

 

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