This is for all of you.
All of you who still believe.
Believe in Fight One Xperience.
I've been gone too long.

Scattered.

Now we begin the journey back home.
I'm coming back to you.
I know some of you won't like it.
I know some of you will protest.

Leave with a broken heart.

The Devil in Disguise stalks Eve in Paradise.
Fight One Xperience...
I'm coming home.

DIRTY MIND FUCK
"On The Otherside"

Where did I go?  Where have I been?  Yeah.  You've been watching me chase down mobsters in a big assed Lincoln Continental.  You watched me fly the friendly skies.  I even introduced you to Cowboy Jack.  I told you that you should never ever believe the lies flashed before your eyes.  How did I get the Universal Title?  Who did I kill?  Who did I surprise you with?  Yes, dear children you have been deceived and I for one blame it all on The Dirty Dog.  You should as well.

Let's look at what kind of blame we can drum up, shall we?

Look at what he did to Shawn Walsh.  Do you remember when The Dirty Dog pretended to be a face so that he could get over Walsh?  That still stings for many in Fight One.  One who remembers it all well is the very man that put SHawn Walsh in a dumpster.  He knows who he is.

What about when The Dirty Dog lost the Universal Title to Seth Dryden?  Remember that?  Do you really want to believe that Gust was behind the removal of The Dirty Dog?  Do you really think that Aidan Morag would have allowed that to happen if it wasn't an inside job all along?  Sure Gust finds himself beside Jaxx in this position of power over the entire company, but who put him there?

Blame The Dirty Dog.

And now, the moment you've been waiting for...

Dare Clemmens: Shane! Shane! Wake up!

I open my eyes and everything’s blurry. I feel like I’m so far gone that a stiff wind would knock me over. I shake my head and hold my hand out and feel a chest. I work my hand up and feel his face. It’s my nephew.

Shane Clemmens: Dare?

Dare Clemmens: Shit man I thought you’d never snap out of it.

Shane Clemmens: You’re dead.

Dare Clemmens: Do I feel dead to you?

I pull my hand back and shake my head—My vision reminds me of a television screen without any vertical hold. I shout at the top of my lungs.

Shane Clemmens: Holy bugaboo!

Dare laughs and I smack the side of my head again and now I see double.

Dare Clemmens: What the fuck was that?

Shane Clemmens: What the fuck was what?!

Dare Clemmens: You took way too much of that.

I squint to see him. It is him. I pull him close. We hug.

Shane Clemmens: Fuck I thought I’d lost you boy.

Dare Clemmens: What’s gotten you?

He head butts me and slings me to the ropes—hitting them makes me realize where I am. I look to either side and see fans—their cheers are like static. Dare catches me with a clothesline and I do a three-sixty spin in the air before I hit the ground. I kick right back up and spin around into a European upper cut. Dare’s right on top of me with a head lock.

Dare Clemmens: Gettin’ a little too fast for you?

Shane Clemmens: Oh fuck you!

I pull him right off the mat and fling him over with a slingshot style suplex. The ring quakes beneath us. I sit up.

The fans all look familiar. As if the fans were picked out. All those fans you see around the ring on F1X Shows, they’re here. Up above me are lights too bright to gaze at. I run for the turn buckles and leap to the top, then propel myself off the top turnbuckle and spin in the air and score a body splash. I come right back to my feet.

Before I found Fight One Xperience I thought my time was over.  I was sure that Shane Clemmens would no longer grace a main event and you know what?  I was wrong.  The fans still adore him and wish him well.  They still buy his t-shirts.  They want to be like him.  But why?  Really isn't this just another part of the American Waste Epidemic?  Isn't this the culmination of the disgust of an entire country?  Here he is in all of his glory--stoned off his ass and cursing.  Here he is for all of you to sink your teeth into.  For what ever reason you all still want him.

What about everyone else though?  Why are so many tossed to the side in the name of someone who doesn't know when it's time to call it quits?  I should have given you another Lukas.  I should have settled for the easy fit.  I should have killed Shane myself at Escape From Wonderland.  I should have never allowed his virus to continue to spread and well--now it's too late.

I tried to give you something else to devour but you just couldn't shake the need for Shane Clemmens.  You don't know how to give up on Adidas stripes, pot leaves, and crimson red.  It's as if it's in your blood.

You even pulled out all the things that Shane can no longer do and gave them to someone else.  They loved him, didn't they?  They loved Tyler Lukas.  Only a few people saw through the guise.  Those are the same people that chastized Shane Clemmens for giving up the Universal Title to a man like Seth Dryden.

How disgusting.  People care about Shane Clemmens.

Shane Clemmens: Where-the fuck-are we?

I pull Dare up by his hair and cinch him into a headlock. I whisper into his ear.

Dare Clemmens: Isn’t this where you’ve wanted to be this whole time?

He has a point. I bulldog him to the ground. I look up and out of nowhere—there’s a ref.

Shane Clemmens: Who the fuck are you?

The Ref: What’s it look like?

I turn around and Dare powers into me with the corner with a spear which he follows up with another shoulder. He folds me up between the turn buckles and DDTs me to the ground. I roll over and there’s the Ref to check on me.

The Ref: What’s it gonna be Clemmens?

I push myself up but Dare sticks a boot right into the back of my head. I fall flat on the mat.

The fans are chanting Dare’s name.

Shane Clemmens: What kind of match is this?

The Ref: An I Quit match.

I spin over onto my back.

Shane Clemmens: This isn’t supposed to be like this. This is Sonny and Ty’s match.

The Ref: We’ll get to Sonny and Ty but for now, what’s it going to be Clemmens?

Shane Clemmens: I don’t quit.

Dare Clemmens: I think you do!

Dare drops a leg into the back my head. I kick my legs up and let ‘em shake.

Shane Clemmens: Can I make this stop?

The Ref: Of course.

Shane Clemmens: Stop.

Everything goes still and silent except for Dare, The Ref, and I. I pop to my feet and wipe sweat from my brow.

Shane Clemmens cares too much about himself.  Blame The Dirty Dog for being selfish because he is.  He couldn't allow others to borrow anything.  He has to be selfish and take it all back.  Now he doesn't even want room left for anyone but himself.  Call it the summer time rush or perhaps a funk caused by the lack of snow--either way we can't get rid of Shane Clemmens.

You couldn't even accept The Dirty God.  You destroy everything it took me and mine so long to create.

Oh and blame The Dirty Dog for kicking Anthony Vitone out of No Ca$h Value.  Even while Sonny Fontaine, "The Brave Little Pseudo-Gangster That Could" ran the wheels off of No Ca$h Value, The Dirty Dog shit all over Sonny's dreams of becoming the first Don of Wrestling.  He had Sonny's Consiglieri removed from action.

Why?

Because Shane Clemmens can't handle someone stealing his spot light.  Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if that's the reason Seth Dryden went away to oblivion...  We know damn well that Johnny still hasn't gotten over the night called "Priceless."

Shane Clemmens should have walked away at Priceless for good.  But no.

Shane Clemmens won't quit.

Shane Clemmens: What is this place?

Dare Clemmens & The Ref: It’s what you want.

The Ref: What, are you upset the ring isn’t gnashed open? That could happen if you’d prefer it. What’s it gonna be?

Shane Clemmens: No. Dare’s dead. This ring… These fans…

I pan my finger across the hand picked fans in still life.

Shane Clemmens: This is all fake.

The Ref: No, what you and Dare are doing is fake but this world is actually quite real.

Shane Clemmens: Till?

The Ref: I can be Till if you want me to be.

Shane Clemmens: Are you God?

The Ref: No, I’m not him.

Shane Clemmens: Gust?

The Ref: If you want me to be Gust I can probably replicate it for you.

Shane Clemmens: No, one Gust is plenty.

The Ref: You’re part of me. This imagination you have—I installed it.

Shane Clemmens: Installed?

The Ref: So to speak.

Dare Clemmens: I hate to interject but I’m pretty bored. Go!

Suddenly the fans roar back to life and Dare sails towards me with a drop kick. I fly back into the ropes and bound back towards Dare as he rises and we slam into each other and both snap back to the mat.

The Ref: What’s it going to be Clemmens?

I raise up and run at the ref and go for a shoulder block but he suddenly becomes Till and lifts me up into the air by my throat.

Till Rammstein: Why must you continue to call upon me?

He choke slams me to the ground. Dare comes up on him looking to get a lick in but Till’s way to quick, he puts a big boot right into Dare’s face.

Dare’s eyes and mine meet. We nod. Double suplex—big pop. We both kick up to our feet and rush Till but he grabs us both by the throats and strangles us.

Till Rammstein: You know I don’t lose.

We both kick him in the stomach and slap him into the double suplex attempt. We try once but he over powers us. He sends us both flying head over heels to the mat. We both come up clutching our backs.

I whip around to face him again—it’s the Ref.

The Ref: Listen—you’re done. Just say I quit and let this all end.

Dare comes up from behind me and slaps me into a sleeper hold.

Dare Clemmens: Fizzle out Shane. It’s time to end this.

Dare couldn't cut the mustard so he ended up riding The Dope Show ride.  So did Rosie, Dominique, and even Bronwen...  Shane's hard on the ladies.  I add Dare into that mix because of Lady 13.  How many women does Shane need to be in love with at once?

The quick answer for that is sadly one...  For whatever reason Shane's convinced that he and Bronwen can make a life together and even call it "Normal."

I want Bronwen for myself.  Only for that to work properly she must loathe the man I once was.  She blocks so much of what is Shane Clemmens already, why not let her hate what she does see...  Or at least what she thinks she sees.  No.  With Annika clutching at her side Bronwen is on a collision course with The Dirty Dog at the pay per view.  What if though she found herself in the ring with a God?  There before the Virgin, the Prophet, and the Sinner.  Bronwen, the lone mortal with hopes and dreams of not only taking the title but also to prove every one wrong.

She'll be in the ring with The Dirty God, not this idiotic Dog everyone laughs at.

I can already hear it in my head.  The crowd pop when The Dirty God drops both Mike Bessette and Bronwen O'Connor...  In doing so I will unweave the threat that holds No Cash Value together.  I will see that a Sinner becomes champion and well, the Virgin, we'll have a sacrifice.

This will be The Dirty God's Heaven IS Hell.

Shane Clemmens: Stop!

Everything stops moving but The Ref and I. I soak in the silence as I pull myself free of Dare’s grip.

The Ref winks and then becomes a mirror image of me.

Shane Clemmens(2): Who am I?

He whips out my same foul smirk.

Shane Clemmens: The Dirty God.

Shane Clemmens(2): Better than you. Dog.

Shane Clemmens: What does Dare have to do with this?

Shane Clemmens(2): He was another possible target but he was busy with Lady Thirteen.

Shane Clemmens: So you killed him?

Shane Clemmens(2): Not completely. He plays with me. Thinks I’m you. He doesn’t even know he’s dead. As far as he knows—he’s wrestling you for the Universal Title.

Shane Clemmens: But he’s wrestling me…

Shane Clemmens(2): That’s because I’m on the other side now.

Shane Clemmens: I’m trapped?

Shane Clemmens(2): No escape.

Shane Clemmens: What about Bronwen? What about my title?

Shane Clemmens(2): I gave your title to Seth Dryden. I gave it to him and he didn’t even appreciate it. I fucked Dominique too. Bronwen wants to rip your balls off.

I rush him but he side steps me and tackles me with the Make a Bitch.

Shane Clemmens(2): I’ve ruined your life, your career, and now I’m disposing of you. So… What’s it going to be? Are you going to quit now? Are you going to walk away?

I shake my head and see things through his eyes. I see myself handing the title off to Seth… I see my hand signing the note to Bronwen… I see that bitch Annika Reizeger. I see Nicholas Jaxx.

Shane Clemmens(2): I thought you were done. I never thought Morag would hire you back.

Shane Clemmens: Hire me back?

Shane Clemmens(2): You were fired by Gust.

Shane Clemmens: Gust? What? That guy’s my cheerleader.

Shane Clemmens(2): Not any more. He hates you. He’s working with Jaxx.

Shane Clemmens: Jaxx? You mean that—nobody—Shawn Walsh lackie?

Shane Clemmens(2): One and the same. He’s next in line for the Universal Title.

I had you all.  I traded some names, rearranged a face and I gave you the exact Sinner you were wishing for.  I gave you repackaged Shane Clemmens.  But of course you didn't take the bait.  You'd think it would stick out like a sore thumb but I guess some things are harder to catch.

James Gemini and his bozo little mask don't have jack shit on Shane Clemmens.

Blame The Dirty Dog.  Blame him for ruining High Society.  Blame him for ruining Fight One Xperience.  You had better blame that heinz fifty seven mutt for everything.

Bronwen does.  Bronwen blames him for breaking her heart.  She can't believe that he would pass their love up for a bit of trim from a bitch like Dominique.  She's going to blame him for a lot more than that though kiddies.  She's going to blame him for ruining her chances at the title.  She's going to blame him for destroying No Cash Value.

Bronwen the Possessed.

Nicholas Jaxx blames The Dirty Dog for everything wrong with wrestling today.  He hates the guy and would stop at nothing to show everyone why.  But do you know the secret?  Nicholas Jaxx only hates Shane Clemmens because he's supposed to.  For Jaxx this shit is a service job and he deals out all kinds of recognition.  Nicholas Jaxx will also blame The Dirty Dog for tarnishing his first and only title reign.

Nicholas the Sinner.

Mike Bessette should already be blaming Shane Clemmens and The Dirty Dog.  Why?  Because this assface can see into the future.  He's going to be hitting himself cursing himself for not seeing it coming.  Mike Bessette will blame The Dirty Dog for proving him to be the fraud he really is.

Michael the Prophet.

Serenity will be the only one not to blame Shane Clemmens because frankly they are just about the same.  This Dirty God will see to it though that Serenity finds herself the victim and will learn to blame him as well.  She'll learn how to hate him when she walks out of Heaven, into Hell.

Serenity the Sacrifice.

All that's left is the final ascension into Heaven.  The Dirty Heaven.  This will be the rebirth.  The resurrection of what will be forever.

Shane Clemmens the Dirty God.

I shudder. My stomach gets uneasy… Fuck I wanna puke at the thought of Jaxx with the Universal Title. I see Pete Ebdon in a ballerina costume. Jaxx is making out with that troglodyte adams-apple-havin Christy McRetard. My vision starts to blurr again.

Shane Clemmens: Bronwen…

I look back up and there she is.

Bronwen: You…

Shane Clemmens: Me…

I take a step towards her realizing now we’re all alone—the arena is empty.

Bronwen: Where have you been?

Shane Clemmens: Here, I guess.

Bronwen: Annika’s here with me… I know what you did.

The keep taking steps towards Bronwen but I can’t reach her. I stop and relax my muscles.

Shane Clemmens: How close were we?

Bronwen: How close were we to what?

Shane Clemmens: Something real…

Bronwen: Oh we were close but you ruined that didn’t you.

Shane Clemmens: I didn’t ruin anything—it wasn’t me.

Bronwen: Oh so someone borrowed your body and fucked the she-thing?

Shane Clemmens: It wasn’t me.

Bronwen: What’s it going to be Clemmens?

Shane Clemmens: You know me...  I'm way too selfish to quit.

At that moment Bronwen is replaced with Nicholas Jaxx...  The Sinner.

I wake up.

Sonny...  Tyler...  Welcome home.

 

...it's fucking OVER...