|| production no. eleven || record 09 - 01 - 00 || next match chris masters vs. steve austin || the trophy cabinet SGW: Gold Of The Week [1x] Top Match [2x, vs. Dustin; vs. Justin] APW: Television Champion [1x], Successfully Defend TV Title [First Ever], Ring Of Dreams Epic Elimination Finalist [1x], World Heavyweight Champion [Longest Reign], Successfully Defend World Title [First Ever], CWF: Tag Team Champion [2x], Hardcore Champion [2x], United States Champion [First Ever], World Championship Tournament Finalist [1x] CWE: Television Champion [First Ever] RW: Premier Champion [1x], Double Jeopardy Participant [1x] ECW: Tag Team Champion [Only] || fell before greatness Rhino [1x] Carlito [1x] Triple H [1x] Steve Corino [1x] Chavo Guerrero [1x] Michael Shane [1x] Chris Benoit [1x] Shawn Michaels [1x] Hulk Hogan [1x]

' Don't Fear The Reaper [I] '

MIKE .. FN .. ADKINS

Fade Up SGW Logo

[[ We open up in the small, congested room that is Chris Masters lockeroom inside of the Delta Center in Salt Lake city, Utah. Jackie is behind Chris, giving his a massage. ]]

Jackie Gayda: You did great last night, babe.

Chris Masters: Would've been better if I could've put that piece of shit Booker T in the Masterlock.

Paul Heyman: I don't know what got into Jarrett.

Chris Masters: It's obvious. He's on a power trip.

[[ Chris moves Jackie's hands to a different spot for her to rub. ]]

Chris Masters: You know how when you get older, you start wanting motorcycles, hot women, and all that other good stuff?

Paul Heyman: A mid-life crisis?

Chris Masters: Exactly. Well, there's no hiding the fact that Jarrett's climbing that hill. And ever since he made his big return, it's like he's been trying to re-live his youth.

Sid Vicious: JARRETT'S HAVING A CRISIS!

Chris Masters: Think about it. He wanted younger, hotter women... so now he's got Jillian Hall on his dick twenty-four seven.

[[ Jackie chuckles, throwing in more mid-life crisis indicators. ]]

Jackie Gayda: And he's attempting to wrestle again.

Paul Heyman: Ehhhh, I'd use the term "wrestle" lightly.

Chris Masters: Very lightly. He didn't even wrestle the entire match. All he did was tag himself in, and stroked Booker T.

Sid Vicious: BWAHAHA! HE STROKED BOOKER T!

Chris Masters: Thanks, Sid.

[[ Sid smiles. ]]

Jackie Gayda: Maybe that's another thing he used to do when he was young and able-bodied.

Paul Heyman: You never know with that guy. He could've been stroking black guys before you were born.

Chris Masters: I'd prefer to not have to think about that.

[[ Masters shakes his head, disgusted. ]]

Chris Masters: The only stroking that I wanna know about is Jackie stroking the best looking guy in SGW.

Paul Heyman: She'll be stroking Rob Conway? Who gets to stroke the Masterpiece?

Chris Masters: Jackass.

[[ Paul shrugs his shoulders. ]]

Paul Heyman: That's what the Conman said last night, though. He's the best looking thing ever.

Chris Masters: He lied. It's just some self-promotion. Everybody lies about stuff like that.

[[ Heyman scratches his head, a bit confused. ]]

Paul Heyman: So you're not the Masterpiece?

[[ Chris scoffs. ]]

Chris Masters: No. I most certainly am the Masterpiece.

Sid Vicious: I'D RATHER BE SIIID!!!

Chris Masters: Of course.. because you are Sid. Moron.

[[ Sid face scrunches up, and he beats his chest as he yells out. ]]

Sid Vicious: NO... BECAUSE SIIDD IS MASTER.. AND RULER... OF THE WOOORRLLDD!!!!

[[ Everybody kind of, stares at Sid. Paul then mimics the millennium man. ]]

Paul Heyman: Yep. And Chris Masters is UNDER.. DOG.. OF THE.. WEEEEEKKKK!!!

[[ This catches Chris' attention. ]]

Chris Masters: What are you talking about? Paul, are you on drugs?

Paul Heyman: Nope. You're going up against the World Champion, Chris. Odds are heavily stacked against you.

Chris Masters: Hmm, I think I recall the odds against me against Chavo Guerrero, and Chris Benoit. But what happened to them? They tapped out. Just like Stone Cold will this week.

Paul Heyman: Well, last time you two fought, you got pinned.

Chris Masters: You know what I say to that?

[[ Again with the Sid mocking. ]]

Chris Masters: SCREW.. JOB.. OF THE... YEEEAAARRR!!!

[[ Heyman doesn't care. ]]

Paul Heyman: Screwjob or not, you lost. And it could happen again.

Sid Vicious: AUSTIN RULESS... MASTERS SCAREEDD!!

[[ He begins to find this funny, somehow. ]]

Sid Vicious: CHRIS FEARS AUSTIN!!

[[ He falls out of his chair, almost purposely, laughing. ]]

Jackie Gayda: It's ok, everybody is scared of something. Like you and baths.

Chris Masters: Sid, you've let me down.

[[ He hangs his head, and then lifts it back up. ]]

Chris Masters: Just like the entire roster needs to learn that nobody can break my Masterlock... you must learn that the only person scared of Steve Austin... is Debra.

[[ Sid gets back, laughing now at that joke. ]]

Paul Heyman: I wonder what she's been up to.

Chris Masters: I haven't talked to her since that interview I gave her last time I fought Austin.

Paul Heyman: A lot of information she gave us, eh?

[[ He shakes his head, smirking. ]]

Chris Masters: Pfft. She told us to throw beer at him and we'll win. And well, we didn't win.

Sid Vicious: That BITCH! FUCK HER UP CHRIS.

[[ Chris rubs his chin. ]]

Chris Masters: Not a bad idea, Sid...

[[ Sid begins to boast, until Chris snaps at him. ]]

Chris Masters: EXCEPT SHE LIVES IN TEXAS!

[[ Heyman stands up. It looks as if he's got an idea.. ]]

Paul Heyman: Chris, Chavo's parents lived all the way in God damned Tijuana Mexico... and you didn't let that stop us from going completely ruin them.

Chris Masters: We had to go there for Shock that week anyway.

Paul Heyman: Listen, Chris, I've gone to so many places that are just.. absurd. So, because this would finally be a trip where we could just relax, and enjoy the Texas life... I'm going to book it. I'll make a few phone calls and we'll finally take a DECENT trip. On me.

[[ He smiles and pats Chris on the shoulders. ]]

Paul Heyman: Only because on this trip, I can expect what's going to happen. Nothing. We'll be in Texas for crying out loud.

Chris Masters: A lot of cowboys and Mexicans... that's about it.

Paul Heyman: Exactly. So, I'll go make a few phone calls, get a jet lined with fine champagne, and we'll all fly out to Texas, all thanks to Steve Austin.

[[ Chris' face turns bitter. ]]

Chris Masters: Just uh, don't mention Steve's name.

Paul Heyman: Oh, 'course not. We'll get away from all of that. We'll go hang out in a cow pasture and sing kumbaya.

[[ Chris is finally coming around. ]]

Chris Masters: Y'know what Paul. That's a great idea. You go get on that. I'ma go get on this..

[[ He throws himself on top of Jackie. Paul looks at Sid and the two walk out of the room as the scene fades. ]]

[[ We open up now inside of Heyman's SUV. In the passenger seat is Sid, beating on the dashboard along with the song playing. Heyman looks at him, frustrated, and tolerates it for a little while, but he just can't stand it. ]]

Paul Heyman: You gunna stop anytime soon? ... Sid?

[[ Sid keeps going without missing a beat, and without hearing Heyman. ]]

Paul Heyman: SID!

[[ Paul reaches to the stereo and shuts it off.. Sid beats a couple of times, not realizing the music stopped, then looks at Heyman.. pouting. Heyman points to the spots where Sid has beaten his dashboard. The glove box dangles open, unable to click back in. ]]

[[ Sid fiddles around, trying to make the glove box fit.. and after a couple minutes of tinkering, it's exactly how it was before. ]]

Sid Vicious: All better. TURN ON MUSIC!

[[ Heyman shakes his head. Sid then crosses his arms. ]]

Paul Heyman: If you weren't eight feet tall and weighed more than the Big Show... I'd slap the piss out of you. I'd rather Gillberg than this shit. Reach in the backseat and give me my cell phone.

[[ Sid tries to turn around in his chair, but he's too big.. and his seatbelt is stopping him from being able to reach the backseat where the phone lies. He sits back up, and then releases the lever on the side of the chair, sending his entire chair reclining to the point where his headrest would be in the person behind him's lap. ]]

Paul Heyman: You big goofball.

[[ Sid laughs, turns his head to the side, and grabs the cell phone. He pulls the lever again and springs back upright, handing the phone to Heyman. ]]

Sid Vicious: There your phone. .. TURN ON MUSIC!

Paul Heyman: No, because now I've got to make a phone call. We can't get to Texas if I don't call somebody to bring us. The Masterpiece doesn't just go places. He and us, his Entourage, we travel in style.

[[ Sid reaches into the open glove box and pulls out a pair of Heyman's sunglasses that are on the edge of falling out, much like all the rest of the shit that used to be in the glove box. He puts them on. ]]

Sid Vicious: Yeah... styyyle.


[[ He begins to find this funny, somehow. ]]

FALL AT THE FEET
OF A MASTERPIECE! 

[[ The camera stops following them, letting them walk right past the lens and watches as they walk away, getting smaller and smaller with each step until... ]]

[[ Cue up SGW logo. ]]

[[ Fade out. ]]

[[ Static. ]]